Illegitimate Children of the Atom

Season's Greetings and Apologies

2011-12-22T19:50:00.001-05:00

Hi everybody! Sorry I haven't posted in a very long time; work and school have been a nightmare of late. Hopefully this January I can get back on a regular schedule. I just wanted to let all of you know that I haven't given up on the site, I've just been busy. Coming up, we have all of Operation Zero Tolerance, Flashback month (ah memories), and the beginning of Joe Kelly's run on X-Men: one of my favorite runs of all time. So I"ll see you all next year!

No Post This Week...

2011-11-08T18:38:00.000-05:00

Sorry, but I am positively swamped right now working two jobs and struggling to finish up my schoolwork...and on top of that I just bought Batman: Arkham City even though I know I shouldn't have. Combine that with the mediocre quality of X-books that I'm at and well, I just need a week or two off. I do have Friday off, so maybe I'll get something out by this weekend.

X-Men #64

2011-11-02T14:18:00.000-04:00

X-Men #64
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Ben Raab
Art: Carlos Pacheco

What Went Down: The Kingpin announces that the heroes have come a long way to die. Wolverine wants to attack, but Jean holds him back. Kingpin reveals that he has Cannonball hooked up to a machine that will inject him in the heart with the experimental cure, potentially killing him. In the docking bay, Sebastian Shaw kills two guards and enters Fujikawa.

Back in the upper levels, Jean wraps Sam in a telekinetic bubble to prevent the needles from going in. Kingpin releases Cannonball after threatening the X-Men. Kingpin then recaps his defeat by Daredevil, brings up Shang-Chi’s father again, and mentions that he is not interested in immortality. He knows the price people will pay for a drop of the fluid.

Back in America, in the base of Operation: Zero Tolerance, Jubilee is contemplating her fate as Bastion continues to try to convince her that he has defeated the X-Men. Bastion tells her that all she can do is pray.

Cyclops telepathically conferences with the X-Men; they conclude that the Kingpin will destroy the serum before giving it up. Shaw and an army of ninjas show up to escalate the situation. Just when the final battle is about to begin, Storm decides that they can’t have a battle without taking casualties, so she destroys all of the Elixir Vitae with her powers. Immediately after this, she regrets her decision. The X-Men leave and Shang-Chi announces that the X-Men will cure Legacy on their own terms.

On the plane home, Cannonball contemplates an aphorism Shang-Chi told him. The X-Men explain it to him, and he acts mystified. Storm feels sorry for herself for destroying a potential cure, but the forces of Operation Zero Tolerance attacking their plane interrupt her.

How It Was: After the endings of the Storm/Candra story and the Phalanx Space story in Uncanny, were you expecting an ending here that was climactic and satisfying? Because if you were, then you are pretty bad at identifying patterns. This issue features a lot of the same from the last two issues: more mentions of Shang Chi’s father, more speculation over the healing properties of the Elixir Vitae, and more discussion of the Legacy Virus. It’s a very slow build, but you think it’ll be worth it for the end battle, but then it never comes.

This wouldn’t be so bad if Lobdell, or maybe Raab, had properly set up the need for Storm to take matters into her own hands. Unfortunately the threat just isn’t there. Wolverine and Shang-Chi handled the ninjas by themselves in the first issue, the Kingpin’s traps are easily avoided with the X-Men’s powers, and the Kingpin himself isn’t a threat to any of them. He may work as a menacing Spider-Man or Daredevil villain, but all his threats come off as empty to heroes who can control the weather or shoot force blasts that can level mountains. Storm’s actions come off as completely unnecessary, all the more so when she chastises herself for doing it a panel later. It’s an unearned moment that is supposed to be powerful, but isn’t; it just doesn’t work. Plus, couldn’t the Kingpin just make more? Why would he have his only source of the formula in the same room with a handful of incredibly powerful mutants?

Once again Shang-Chi has literally nothing to do for the entire issue; it makes you wonder why the heck he was even in this story. No amount of meaningfully analytic thought bubbles can hide the fact that this guest star has no purpose. This feels a lot like it might have been an abandoned story idea for Shang-Chi by himself. Without the X-Men, the Kingpin would’ve been a suitable threat and the choice would’ve had more weight to it. Also it drives me crazy that Cannonball can’t understand a simple proverb from Shang-Chi and needs it explained; just because a character is young and from the South, it doesn’t mean they have to be dense! The most successful Rogue stories have been ones that treat her as intelligent, and the same goes with Cannonball.

This story had some promise, but it squandered it all by not wanting to commit or further any storylines. The art is nice, but unfortunately most of it is of people standing around and threatening each other. There just isn’t enough of a threat to the heroes for this story to be compelling whatsoever.

D

X-Men #63

2011-11-02T14:17:00.000-04:00

X-Men #63
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Ben Raab
Art: Carlos Pacheco

What Went Down: In the middle of downtown Hong Kong, Shang-Chi, the Master of Kung-Fu, and the rest of the X-Men are attacked by a group of technologically enhanced ninjas. Each of the ninjas announces his or her name and power as they fight the heroes. Shang-Chi notes the attraction between Jean and Wolverine and the leadership of Cyclops; he even helps Cyclops out when the girl, Katana, attacks him. Storm deals with a ninja named Fist, and once all the ninjas are dealt with Sebastian Shaw shows up.

Jean overreacts to Shaw’s appearance by crushing him under a car; she realizes that this was a mistake and blames it on her feelings associated with Shaw’s manipulation of the Phoenix into Dark Phoenix. Of course, hitting Shaw with the car allows him to absorb the kinetic energy of the crash, charging him up. Storm and Shaw agree to move the discussion elsewhere, and Shang-Chi notes that Cannonball has disappeared. As for Sam, he has stowed away on a rickshaw, using his blasting power to keep him from weighing the vehicle down.

At the Hong Kong branch of the Hellfire Club, Cyclops comforts Jean, and she mentions something sinister on the horizon. Shaw tries to convince the X-Men that he is trying to close the deal for the Elixir Vitae for the benefit of human and mutant kind. Later in his lab, he receives a disk with data on all the characters who have contracted the Legacy Virus thus far, including Moira MacTaggert, Multiple Man, Illyana Rasputin, and others. The disk comes from Rory Cambell, an assistant of Moira’s who gives Shaw the data in the hope that Shaw can find a cure before Moira dies of the disease.

Shaw leads the X-Men to the Hong Kong branch of Fujikawa Enterprises, a weapons company that used to be merged with Tony Stark. At the same time, Cannonball has infiltrated the lab, but he is stopped by a mysterious bald man. The X-Men and Shang-Chi break into the offices only to find that the mastermind behind this plot is the Kingpin.

How It Was: This issue opens up with some great action. Although these villains are pretty one-dimensional, they have some great designs and Pacheco’s art demonstrates that their powers make them an impressive threat. The art just carries the action phenomenonally.

Poor Shang-Chi still has nothing to do in this story except admire the X-Men and listen to people like Shaw as they continue to bring up his father and the Elixir Vitae. Cannonball gets to go off on a mission, but then gets captured by a powerless super villain, further showing that the X-offices don’t know how to handle the character. And as for the reveal of the Kingpin, I can’t say it’s really that interesting. Sure you don’t see it coming, because at this point it could be anyone in the Marvel Universe, but he’s not really a character that anybody believes could be a threat to the X-Men, and he doesn’t really have anything to do with them.

Really, this issue should be taking more time to acknowledge Sebastian Shaw’s return, since he was supposed to be dead. I guess he made an appearance in X-Man earlier, but he’s a more significant bad guy to the X-Men, and the Kingpin seems redundant in a story with Shaw. After all, how many rich, manipulative villains with vast criminal networks do you need in one story?

The story does feel like it’s building its pace here, even if a lot of the exposition about the Elixir Vitae is repeated from last issue. The action in the beginning is well rendered and the story gets to where it needs to by the end. With all the mentioning of the Legacy Virus and its victims, it would’ve been nice if the subplot had picked up after this story. Instead, it gets forgotten for Operation Zero Tolerance, and it isn’t picked up again for years. Really though, that’s more of a problem with next issue.

B+

X-Men #62

2011-11-02T14:15:00.001-04:00

X-Men #62
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Ben Raab
Art: Carlos Pacheco

What Went Down: We begin outside of the Scottish home of British Secret Service agent Clive Reston. Shang-Chi—The Master of Kung-Fu has been summoned by his former handler, but he doesn’t know what for. Outside the door, an army of ninjas belonging to the order of his deceased father attacks Shang-Chi. Shang holds his own until the ninjas pull out guns. Luckily for him, Wolverine shows up to lend a hand. Because this is a super hero comic book, Shang-Chi has to mistake Logan for an enemy and attack him, but Wolverine is pretty quick to put Shang in his place. Storm prevents him from going too far.

Later, after being introduced to the X-Men, Shang-Chi thinks about how interesting they are. He senses Jean and Cyclops observing him and flings a statue at them. Clive Reston shows up to deliver the exposition to Shang and the X-Men. The death of Shang-Chi’s father left a power vacuum in China that is being filled by the Hellfire Club. The club is seeking to recreate the Elixir Vitae, a potion Shang-Chi’s father tried to use to live forever. It is believed by Sebastian Shaw that the elixir might be used to cure the Legacy Virus, and in turn the Inner Circle would use that fact to exploit people and make billions.

In another part of Hong Kong, a mysterious villain contemplates how soon the British territorial claim will expire on the city. One of his minions tells him that the heroes are on their way. Downtown, the heroes are driving down the crowded streets in cars, or maybe they’re parked…I can’t really tell. Anyways, one of the cars the X-Men are using is attacked. Jean puts up a teke shield just in time for the team to confront a group of four cyborg ninjas (not to be confused with the Cyburai).

How It Was: Alright, X-Men finally has a regular penciller again. Carlos Pacheco comes on board, and even though this isn’t the most auspicious story to debut on, he really makes the most of it. His opening pages of a moonlit mansion on the water are just gorgeous and his action sequences featuring the ninjas are nicely posed and organized. My one complaint would be his version of Troll Wolverine, but then again I’ve never liked anyone’s version of Troll Wolverine; Pacheco’s pretty much looks like Sabretooth with Wolverine’s haircut and extra arm hair. It’s a very pretty looking story, though.

As for what’s actually going on, poor Scott Lobdell is being stretched really thin with writing duties for three X-books. Ben Raab is brought in to do dialogue, and while it’s adequate, it definitely doesn’t have that Lobdell touch. Most of it is unnecessary internal exposition from Shang-Chi as he shares his impressions on every single detail of the story. There is also a particularly wordy lecture from the shadowy villain about the history of Hong Kong and China that is fit into a single panel.

Looking past the dialog, this story is just odd. Some readers might’ve gotten excited by the idea that the Legacy plotline was about to be furthered… it’s not, so don’t get your hopes up. What’s really strange is the inclusion of Shang-Chi, a character that hasn’t had any real success since the seventies and early eighties. If Marvel’s idea was to test the waters to see if readers wanted a Shang-Chi solo title, surely they could’ve done better than this; the Master of Kung-Fu doesn’t even get to look that great since Wolverine drops him in two panels. Plus Shang-Chi just doesn’t have a lot to do here; he gets to gush internally about how awesome the X-Men are and then takes their presence as a threat and attacks them. His history is used as a vague justification for the story, but really Shang-Chi himself isn’t needed for this story, since Clive Reston could’ve just filled the X-Men in himself, being one of Wolverine’s numerous old war buddies. In case you’re wondering why Shang’s father isn’t mentioned by name, that’s because the character’s name was Fu Manchu (the Yellow Claw) and he was a vaguely racist Chinese stereotype from the seventies. Definitely not a character to bring up in the politically correct era of the 90s.

This is just all set up. It introduces us to one of the most random guest stars in any X-book, and ties some obscure twenty-year-old stories together as a potential plot thread to the Legacy Virus. Even most of the X-Men are basically standing around this issue, waiting for some action to happen. Still, it’s not blatantly bad, just a little slow and a bit out of left field.

B-

Generation X #27

2011-10-26T18:36:00.001-04:00

Generation X #27
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down: Let’s catch up with the captive Jubilee in Generation X. Bastion presents a battered visor to Jubilee in hopes of convincing her that Cyclops has been killed. Jubilee refuses to believe him, so Bastion leaves the cell.

Actually, the “cell” that Jubilee is locked in is a holographic projection in the middle of Bastion’s ready room. Because Jubilee has weaker psychic defenses than Professor X, Bastion is trying to make the girl emotional to weaken those defenses and discover the secrets of the X-Men. Daria, Bastion’s assistant, is disturbed by these methods and sympathetic towards Jubilee.

On the display screens, Bastion observes Jubilee’s thoughts. She flashes back to a scene in a funeral parlor just after Illyana Rasputin’s funeral. Cyclops comes over to comfort Jubilee, and explains that Wolverine was so emotional because of the recent death of his girlfriend Mariko, and because it reminded him of his foster daughter Amiko. Jubilee tells Scott that she is surprised to be having a normal conversation with the leader of the X-Men.

In the barn of the Massachusetts Academy (why is there a barn?), Artie and Leech are picking pieces of moss off of each other while Emma Frost tries scanning Banshee’s mind for the whereabouts of their students. Banshee’s cousin Black Tom has just attacked the school and covered it in plant life, so Emma is seeing if Tom mentioned anything to Banshee that might help. Surprisingly, Sean’s mind is on a flashback from Giant-Sized X-Men #1, the issue where he joined the X-Men. This gets Banshee excited as he realizes where the students must be.

Back at Bastion’s base, Jubilee spills the food that Bastion has offered her. He mentions that Bishop did the same thing before he killed him. Jubilee refuses to believe the villain, but she still flashes back to X-Men #8, where Bishop first met her and identified her as the last X-Man (even though the foot note is mislabeled Uncanny #29). Bastion decides to change tactics and shows her a projection of Wolverine being tortured by electricity. This causes Jubilee to despair until the fake Wolverine begs for help, proving to Jubilee that it isn’t real. Jubilee then goes on a rant, kicking Bastion and taunting him. Bastion’s mental defenses fail, showing Daria glimpses of his origin: a mechanical arm being covered in pink synthetic material, and Bastion emerging saying “At last.” Bastion knocks Jubilee over and leaves, frustrated. When Daria apologizes for what she saw, Bastion claims it wasn’t real. Then he tells her that they are going to capture the X-Men in Hong Kong. In her cell, Jubilee smiles despite her bloody nose.

What Else What Down: There is also a one page backup story by Jim Mahfood where Jubilee pretends to be on a cooking show and makes pancakes for Skin and her teammates.

How It Was: It’s pretty impressive that at this point in X-History poor Scott Lobdell was writing both X-Men books and Generation X. Man that guy must have been tired. Regardless, this is a pretty solid issue that shows Jubilee in a great light. Putting the light-hearted girl in an environment of physical and emotional abuse is a great way of creating drama, and Lobdell does a great job of depicting the conflict between Bastion and Jubes. Even though she’s completely trapped and restrained, Jubilee is still able to get the best of Bastion, despite all the technology and resources at his disposal. And the flashbacks Jubilee has of the X-Men are great touches, even though the scene from Illyana’s funeral doesn’t seem in continuity, although I guess the X-Men could’ve had a smaller ceremony before they had the big outdoor one in Uncanny #304.

Since I was never a regular reader of Generation X, I can’t say much for the other subplot scenes. It’s obvious that a lot of chaos is going down since Sean and Emma have lost the students, and nobody even knows that Bastion has Jubilee. But really the focus is squarely on Jubilee here.

Chris Bachalo’s art is pretty phenomenal. It manages to be cartoony and exaggerated while still conveying a wealth of tension and emotion. Whether it’s the page spread of Jubilee staring at the battered visor, or the impassive expression on Bastion’s face, the story flows really well for a narrative contained primarily to a small, dark room. Bachalo’s art does make Jubilee look a little younger than readers are used to seeing her as, but I think this enhances the story and makes you sympathize with her even more; it actually heightens both her innocence and Bastion’s complete lack of humanity.

This is a pretty great issue. It has a narrow focus, which works well to flesh out the two main characters. If you’re going to go to the trouble of reading the Operation Zero Tolerance crossover, you should hunt down this issue because it makes for good set up, and it’s better than ninety percent of the issues in the actual crossover anyways. Lobdell always seems to win when he focuses on characters and emotions, and this is just another example of that phenomenon. As for the backup, it’s really absurd and silly, but the art is fantastic. It’s a very odd tone shift after such a serious and tense story, but maybe the idea was to end the book on a high note; depending on your mood it will either put a smile on your face or leave you scratching your head.

B+

Uncanny X-Men Annual '97

2011-10-26T18:34:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men Annual ‘97
Writing: Jorge Gonzalez
Art: Duncan Rouleau

What Went Down: Most of the setup for this story occurs in the Storm mini-series that I’ve not read. Storm, Cyclops, Jean, and Cannonball are in an African Village protecting the Gene Nationals, aka the remnants of the Morlocks, from Humanity’s Last Stand, an anti-mutant group armed with battle suits known as Razors. As the fight goes on, a mutant named Boost notices that Cannonball is wearing out, so he jumps inside Cannonball and uses his powers to enhance Sam’s. Boost’s girlfriend, a mutant lizard woman named Tether, is adamant that they kill the fleeing Razors, but Storm insists that they stay and look after their wounded.

We’re introduced to D’Gard, Storm’s interim leader who is a mutant empath. Since he can sense people’s feelings and emotions, it was decided he would be the best to follow the tribe’s wishes. Also, the reason that Gene Nation is in the middle of an African desert is that Storm deemed it so at the end of her mini-series; she thought it would be best since the Gene Nationals were brought up in the harsh conditions of Mikhail Rasputin’s “king of the hill” style society that they would be better off in a harsh African desert upon rescuing.

Tether accuses Storm of being a woeful leader, and she has a point since the village’s transmission tower has been down for over a month due to attacks from HLS, and Storm didn’t happen to notice until now. Storm makes an excuse that the X-Men have been busy and apologizes, but that is somehow not good enough for Tether. Storm explains that she exiled the mutants in Africa in the hopes that they would escape the bigotry that plagues the civilized world.

As night falls on the village, the X-Men prepare to sleep when Havok and his Brotherhood show up, consisting of the Dark Beast and Fatale. Cyclops immediately confronts his brother, asking what he is doing with the evil McCoy; Havok counters that the X-Men allowed Sabretooth to join and brings up Onslaught as well. Scott is still mad that Havok threw him out of a plane in Uncanny #339.

Havok offers the Gene Nationals a warning and protection. Dark Beast contemplates his inevitable betrayal of Havok while the members of Gene Nation consider Havok’s offer. Storm decides to set up a temporary truce between the two mutant teams.

At the base of Humanity’s Last Stand, we get to see the conflict from their perspective. They blame Gene Nation for the death of Graydon Creed and the series of murders that members of Gene Nation committed back in Uncanny #323. One of the Razor pilots even had a sister that died in the nightclub.

The battle begins; Beast breaks off with Jean Grey to find a more technical solution to their problem, while Cannonball saves Fatale. Some Razors cause a rockslide that buries a number of mutants, so Storm leads a group in rescuing them. D’gard can sense her fear from claustrophobia, and is impressed that she is able to conquer it to help their people. A group of four Razors breaks off to attack the shelters of the injured mutants; Cannonball and Boost try to stop them, but they are too late. Havok uses this as proof that tougher methods are needed to deal with the humans.

Nearby, Jean is using a teke shield to protect Evil Beast as he finds the emergency safeguards in one of the downed Razors. Using this, he is able to trigger the emergency protocols in all of the other suits, causing them to disengage. Storm uses the mutant Boost to amplify her powers and create an enormous sandstorm to wipe out all the retreating battlesuits.

After the battle, all the humans are taken prisoner. Tether and some of the others want to execute the humans who killed the injured mutants. Havok steps up to do it, but Cyclops confronts him and they get into a fight. Cyclops brings up how Havok almost killed him, and Alex brushes it off as “not being in his right mind” at the time. The brothers get into a fistfight, so Dark Beast takes the opportunity to construct a huge gun and execute all of the humans himself. Only he actually has Fatale teleport them all away at the last second so it would look like Beast killed them all. He is excited to have more guinea pigs for his experiments. Havok is as surprised as Cyclops that this occurs.

Boost and Tether decide to leave Africa with the Brotherhood, only they make it clear that they’re not joining, they just need Fatale to help them teleport away. D’gard announces that Storm no longer has claim to leadership, and that he will be the new leader of Gene Nation. Storm is saddened, but agrees it is for the best. Jean comforts Storm as they prepare to leave.

How It Was: This is surprisingly good for an annual, especially for this period in X-History. Not only does the story have actual stakes, but it also picks up on story details in other X-books (X-Factor, the Storm mini-series, last year’s annuals) to give a sense of cohesion in the wider X-Universe. I’ve never heard of Jorge Gonzalez before, but he has a fantastic handle on the characters, and he creates some better than average minor characters in Boost and Tether.

What Gonzalez does that makes the story work perfectly is that he presents the conflict from all sides, and neither side has the perfect answer. Storm wants to protect the village, but due to her commitments to the X-Men, and her terrible shortsightedness, she doesn’t have a practical answer. Havok thinks they should take the battle to HLS, but that will just escalate things. Tether and Boost, as the POV characters for the Gene Nation, represent how conflicted the group is about its purpose and identity, as well as seeing their reactions to various attrocities. Even the humans get a page to justify their motives, by using the events of Uncanny #323 as a validation for why they blame the mutants, since those terrorists did identify themselves as Gene Nation. D’gard offers a great point of view as well, as he is constantly analyzing the situation, trying to find a resolution that will work best for everybody. It’s all very well handled.

I only have two complaints. One is a minor nerdy nitpick: this is the team that regularly appears in X-Men during this time, and they’re in an Uncanny X-Men Annual. That just bothers me a little. The second is that Rouleau’s art isn’t really working for me. It’s so super exaggerated with lots of weird proportions and poses. It does have its moments, but more often than not it just looks odd to me. More importantly, there are moments, such as the landslide, where the frame is focused on Storm fighting bad guys when it should be focused on…well, the landslide. There are one or two other moments as well where the frame is of a character saying “Hey look at that thing over there,” when really the panel should just be showing the event. Plus we never get a feel for the scale of the battle, since the art pretty much focuses on the characters we’re familiar with. That’s an understandable decision, but it would be nice to have a few more establishing shots just to show off what a huge war this is supposed to be.

Overall, this is a pleasant surprise that feels less like filler than the actual stories running in X-Men and Uncanny around the same time. It’s the X-Men actually fighting for something, dealing with the themes of the series, and not always winning in the end. I would have loved to see this as a three or four issue arc as opposed to the Uncanny space farce, the X-Men meeting Shang-Chi in Hong Kong, or the entirety of Operation Zero Tolerance. Still, at least we got this much, and it works as a great one and done story as well as a great epilogue to the Storm mini.

A

Uncanny X-Men #345

2011-10-19T17:07:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #345
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira and Melvin Rubi

What Went Down: This issue is broken into two parts, conveniently dividing up where the artists shift. The first part begins with Sister Maria, the nun who discovered Joseph, running from her crashed car. Get this…she is being chased by a cyborg gorilla. No, really. The Sister hits the gorilla with a rock, but it continues to come after her, asking about the man she nursed to health. Just as the gorilla is about to get her, two giant slugs appear and eat through the bad guy’s chest. The mutant Maggott shows up and asks about her friend Joseph.

On Chandrila, Lilandra looks out over her ruined planet and feels sad. She wonders if this is some kind of karmic payback for her war with the Kree in the Avengers books. She thinks of Charles Xavier, and is thankful that his X-Men were able to save her Empire.

Later that night, the Shi’ar hold a banquet in honor of the dead. Joseph finds the party vulgar, but Rogue explains that different people have different ways of moving on. Rogue worries that Joseph might be turning back into Magneto, so she promises to tell him everything about the man he used to be. Elsewhere, Gambit is outside digging graves for the dead Shi’ar. The whole time he keeps apologizing for something he did when he was younger.

Back at the banquet, Beast asks Trish if she wants to get back together. Trish worries that their relationship will have the same problems it always does, but when she returns to her room, she realizes she is in love with him nonetheless.

The next day the X-Men and Trish board a Shi’ar vessel that will take them back to Earth. Lilandra demonstrates her gratitude to the X-Men by leaving one of their greatest enemies, Deathbird, in charge of the trip.

Part 2 starts with Bishop reading up on Shi’ar history. Deathbird surprises him in her evening robe, and he tries to ask her questions about her history. Deathbird is impressed that he could read the texts because they are in Shi’ar, but she dismisses the texts as a sordid manufactured history designed to make her an outcast. Bishop mentions that her true name was banned from the language when she throws the pad into the fire. Bishop tells her that she shouldn’t forget her past if she doesn’t want to repeat it.

Their argument is interrupted by a “swoosh” noise. Going to the cockpit, the X-Men discover that a giant warship is passing them at twice their speed on the way to Earth. As the X-Men’s ship tries to make it to the stargate, it is caught in the larger ship’s wake and begins to break up.

How It Was: Even though it wasn’t a major crossover, Lobdell does another—actually his last—quiet, contemplative character issue. It’s not his best, but it still manages some great material for Bishop and Deathbird, Lilandra, and Joseph and Rogue. Beast and Trish’s scene has me confused because I was under the impression that they were already back together, hence the dinner date on Christmas Eve in Uncanny #341. As for Gambit, remember all that hemming and hawing over Gambit working for Sinister back in X-Men #45…almost two years prior to this point. Yeah, well Lobdell is finally getting around to it, but it’s still six issues away.

Then there is the surreal opening where Sister Maria is being chased by and evil robo-monkey. This scene almost defies explanation, and I don’t think it serves any other purpose than introducing Maggott and setting up that he’s looking for Magneto. Maggott is not too interesting a character, at least not until Joe Kelly and Steven Seagle get their collective writing hands on him and turn him into a really amusing character to have around.

The end of the issue is quite jarring and the art isn’t very clear on what the heck is happening. It looks like the big ship makes it to the stargate first, then the X-Men talk about the gate being down, then their ship starts to break up on the last page. I’m not sure if they were attacked or if it has something to do with the gate, but the art is not helping here. Also, Beast looks a little like a donkey in the second part of the story… just saying. And it’s sort of disappointing that Joe Mad can only get half an issue done this month, although he does have a double sized issue #350 coming up.

This issue is nothing to write home about. It introduces a character that most people don’t remember, and it wraps up a space story that was pretty forgettable. Yes we have the Gambit revelation on the horizon, but other than that this book doesn’t have a lot going for it at this point.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #344

2011-10-19T17:05:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #344
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Melvin Rubi

What Went Down: Gambit is narrating this time around, and we enter on a badly beaten and tortured Empress Lilandra being held captive by the Phalanx while her servants are being killed and assimilated. The X-Men watch in the shadows as they finalize their plan. Deathbird explains that the only reason Lilandra would surrender would be if the Phalanx had infiltrated the Shi’ar nurseries, where their offspring are held. Rogue, who has become de facto leader, sends Deathbird and Bishop to protect the nurseries. Deathbird thanks all of them.

On Earth, Senator Kelly and Henry Peter Gyrich meet in the Hulkbuster base that now houses Zero Tolerance. Kelly discusses his hesitancy to trust Bastion, even though Kelly himself has lobbied for years about the importance of safeguarding humans from mutants. Bastion apparently also has a number of people in the government sympathetic to his cause, and Kelly blames himself for blazing a trail that might end in genocide.

Bishop and Deathbird make it to the Shi’ar nest. Bishop comments on how admirable it is that Deathbird would seek to protect the innocent, and Deathbird explains that even though she thinks she should rule, she still cares about her people. Bishop explains his history to Deathbird. Then she falls over due to her previous injuries. Bishop worries that she has been attacked, but the injuries are hours old—even though last issue said it had been a week since they found her. Still, Deathbird insists on standing and fighting, even if she is going to bleed to death, impressing Bishop.

Back with the main group, Joseph is overwhelmed with grief for the slaughtered Shi’ar. Even though he can’t remember his past, he starts to have flashbacks of the Nazi concentration camps that he was a prisoner in. Gambit tries to talk to him and tells him to turn his emotions off for now, so Beast’s plan can work. While Joseph continues to watch the slaughter, Beast explains that he is rigging the Shi’ar computer to produce a frequency to separate the technological and organic aspects of the Phalanx.

Beast needs five more minutes to complete his machine, but Joseph can’t take it and attacks the Phalanx. The X-Men have no choice but to back him up while Beast finishes. Joseph saves Lilandra, and remembers that once he had vowed to never again let such atrocities occur. Meanwhile, Bishop and Deathbird fight off more aliens and comment on how impressive thy each are. As the Phalanx start to counter the X-Men’s powers, Beast throws the switch. Just when the X-Men are about to be overwhelmed, all of the Phalanx start to die. Trish Tilby cheers that they won against such impossible odds, but Gambit, worried about Joseph potentially turning evil again, claims that it doesn’t feel like a victory.

How It Was: After setting up impossible odds and a potentially epic intergalactic war to be fought, Lobdell has the Beast build a machine that just kills all the bad guys automatically. That is what I would call the definition of anti-climactic. At the very least you could have the X-Men penetrate a base to find some core or prime Phalanx that needs to be destroyed, but no, Beast just flips a switch and the X-Men win. Couldn’t the supposedly more advanced Shi’ar with their interstellar space travel and superior technology figure this out on their own?

Joseph’s reaction to the Phalanx atrocities makes up for the ending a little bit. Up until now, Joseph has been squarely on the side of the X-Men. He may’ve felt guilty about his past, but it was always clear that he was trying to be an X-Man. Here we see the old Magneto resurface, and it is a welcome sight. The tease that Joseph may yet become Magneto again is a good one, even though it is strange that Gambit is the only one who acknowledges it. However, it is annoying that Joseph has to attack the bad guys with five minutes to spare. It feels like an artificial conflict because nothing the X-Men do really matters, other than the Beast. There’s no tension at all because we all know how it’s going to end.

The Bishop/Deathbird sequences are a little more heavy-handed then they were last issue, but I still think it’s a good match, even if Lobdell has to retcon Deathbird’s past and motivations just a bit. The ending is just weird with Trish Tilby doing cheerleader poses and laughing at the victory while everyone else looks dour and somber about the thousands of dead Shi’ar; for a reporter, she is godawful at reading the climate of a room and reacting with appropriate social responses.

Joe Mad continues his sketchy grasp on deadlines as Melvin Rubi is brought in, as well as four different inkers. The art’s okay, except some of the expressions and poses aren’t really appropriate for the scenes, such as the aforementioned Trish Tilby cheer. Conversely, the two-page spread of the Imperial hall being attacked looks fantastic, as does the Shi’ar nursery.

This is a hugely underwhelming end to a story that didn’t even have a lot to do with the X-Men. The threat that was initially sold to the readers involved the fate of the universe, but it was all undone by a machine programmed by the Beast. Other than a very few moments for the X-Men, and the beginnings of the Bishop/Deathbird romance, this plot doesn’t even involve the X-Men all that much, and Trish Tilby has absolutely nothing to do. This definitely doesn’t stand up to X-Men space operas like the original Phoenix Saga, or any of the stories with the Starjammers. This just doesn’t have that many fun or interesting ideas, and the villains are just dull and one-dimensional. Definitely not what I’d call a classic.

D+

Uncanny X-Men #343

2011-10-19T17:03:00.003-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #343
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Through narration boxes, the Beast explains that the X-Men have been in space for about a week, and Deathbird has been in a coma within one of the ship’s med-stations. Deathbird wakes up while Beast and Bishop are discussing her survival. Bishop accuses her of somehow being responsible for her ship’s massacre, which earns him a slap from the villain. Gambit and Joseph show up after their search for more survivors. Deathbird steals Bishop’s gun and shoots Joseph and Gambit… only they were actually members of the Phalanx disguised as the X-Men. Bishop helps finish them off, and Deathbird explains that humans have a specific smell that Shi’ar can detect.

Below in the ship, Gambit and Joseph have been taken captive by the new and improved black Phalanx, in case you couldn’t tell from the cover. Rogue attacks the group, but she is slowly overwhelmed. Just as she is about to be absorbed by the Phalanx, she proclaims her love for Gambit. Gambit is behind her, rescues her, and blows up the remaining Phalanx. While Rogue was being assimilated, she caught a glimpse of Chandilar, homeworld of the Shi’ar; she also learned the Phalanx’s plot, which includes taking over Earth.

Speaking of Earth, Bastion is continuing his preparations for Operation: Zero Tolerance. We see that he has recently captured Jubilee in Generation X #25 and plans on interrogating/torturing her.

Meanwhile, the X-Men plan to get on Chandilar by tricking the Phalanx into attacking their ship and blowing it up while they float to a mining planet in an escape pod among the debris. Deathbird is quite rude to Bishop, threatening his life as he secures her in the pod. After the Phalanx blow up the ship, Joseph navigates the pod through the metal that Beast welded to the alien vehicle. The mining planet turns out to be one of Deathbird’s old bases. Many of the X-Men voice their suspicions about Deathbird’s loyalties as they all get on a transporter to save Chandilar and the Shi’ar.

How It Was: This is a definite step back up storywise, although not quite to the heights of #341. The story does have some great moments; the revelation of the Phalanx as X-Men imposters works rather well, despite the fact that it is ruined on the cover. And I have to say that I genuinely like the Deathbird/Bishop relationship, even if it is only in its beginning stages here. It’s a nice idea to have Bishop find a kindred spirit in a hardened warrior with a harsher code of ethics than the X-Men are used to, just as he was when he started on the team. Rogue’s fight with the Phalanx is also particularly brutal; it’s impressive to see her tearing off limbs and fighting all out, even if her proclamation of love feels a little forced.

Where the issue fails is that in spite of their shiny black makeover, the Phalanx are still as dull as they were the last time they appeared in this title. And after the very first sequence, they abandon any of the shapeshifting subterfuge for the dull assimilation and compensation of powers. Having the villains able to negate mutant powers seems unnecessary since they already outnumber the heroes by quite a bit. It also never made sense how the aliens had the ability to stop powers, but not absorb them.

Joe Mad is drawing some very impressive spaceships, stellar bodies, and space debris. The art is really the highlight, despite the stupid costume designs. Even with the art, this is still just a slow middle chapter with not much for the characters to do. While very cool looking, the villains just aren’t compelling at all, and the threat just doesn’t seem big enough.

C

Uncanny X-Men #342

2011-10-13T20:04:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #342
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: The X-Men appear in a spaceship after being teleported from New York last issue. Gladiator obviously hasn’t planned this mission very well since the ship the X-Men materialize in is out of control, with questionable life support functions. Poor Beast has to figure out how to make the ship work, and eventually gets it to slow down. But once the ship finally compensates for passengers, the X-Men learn that they are heading right for an asteroid field. The X-Men have to choose between staying the course and reaching the star gate, or going around the asteroids and missing it. Joseph volunteers to move the asteroids with his powers, and oddly Gambit is the only one who backs him up on his choice. The X-Men make it to the gate and decide that they’re needed in Shi’ar space, so they take the ship through.

Back at the mansion, Cannonball tells the rest of the X-Men what happened to the X-Men in space. Wolverine is not very happy about it.

On the ship, Joseph thanks Gambit for supporting him, and Gambit alludes that untrustworthy people need to stick together. Beast tries to apologize to Trish for getting her caught up in this deadly mission, but in the long tradition of comic book reporter girlfriends (Lois Lane, Vicki Vale, April O’Neil, Roxanne Simpson, Melita Garner, etc.), Trish is excited for the opportunity to be along for the adventure, as long as she can get a scoop. Oh, and she manages to find some midriff-revealing space battle armor to wear.

In the mansion, Cyclops is attempting to contact the Shi’ar, but fails. Wolverine suggests following them into space, but Storm cautions that with the anti-mutant climate the way it is, the rest of the X-Men are probably needed on Earth.

Back in space, everybody else finds new space armor costumes. Why? Probably to sell action figures. Bishop is contemplating how out of place he feels. Even though he’s been with the X-Men for a while, he doesn’t really consider them true friends. Rogue gives him a pep talk about how it takes time to find a place with people, but the ship coming out of the stargate interrupts them. They come out in front of a devastated flotilla of war ships from the Shi’ar; the computer explains that they are no life signs on any of the ships, but the X-Men go to investigate anyways.

On one of the ships, Rogue and Beast realize that right now it’s Christmas on Earth. Also, someone stole the power core of the ship. Joseph finds that he can’t use his powers on the alien metals, while Gambit thinks about his own dark secrets. Even though the computer said there were no life signs, Bishop discovers a badly injured Deathbird who begs them to save the Shi’ar.

How It Was: Well, this story sure declined in quality fast. For many X-Men readers, adventures in space tend to frustrate them because it is really getting away from the themes of the book. Now I’m not one of those readers, I think some of the best X-Men stories have involved the Shi’ar and the Imperial Guard, but this isn’t one of them. The issue doesn’t even get off to a great start when the X-Men meet their first in a series of unnatural, completely forced conflicts. Why does Gladiator send the X-Men onto a ship that is about to kill them? I don’t know. Why are they going towards an asteroid field? I don’t know. There is no logic behind any of these events and it really hurts the credibility of the story and takes me completely out of it. Plus it’s just not interesting.

While Lobdell tries to take a quiet moment for his characters to reflect, even these bits feel more forced than usual. Bishop’s view of the X-Men as not his real friends seems pretty forced, especially after all the trouble Beast, Gambit, and Storm have been going to in the various X-Books. Yes, as a time traveler in the distant past, Bishop is entitled to feel out of place, but this really feels like Lobdell is ignoring some developments of the character so it feels more natural when he’s written out of the book in a couple of issues. Beast and Trish’s conversation is about what you’d expect, yet Gambit and Joseph’s relationship feels like it’s getting some complexity since you can’t really tell what Remy’s motivations are.

The new costumes are generic looking and completely unnecessary, but what are you going to do? Joe Mad’s art does provide some pretty amazing looking spaceships to see. But there are plenty of sci-fi comics to see spaceships in (heck, Marvel has its own cosmic line of books that are primarily about traveling through outer space). By itself, this feels like a dragged out episode, which doesn’t have any compelling conflicts to drive the story. Instead of spending an issue getting to the abandoned ships, there’s no real reason the issue couldn’t have started there instead. Very disappointing after the last issue.

D+

Uncanny X-Men #341

2011-10-13T20:02:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #341
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: It’s Christmas Eve in New York, and the X-Men are out on the town. Beast invites his teammates to join him for dinner with his girlfriend Trish Tilby, but everyone has other plans: Joseph has a surprise for Rogue, Gambit is trying to avoid Joseph and Rogue, and Bishop just wants to spend a quiet evening alone. Cannonball wants to take up the offer, but he still has to do some last minute Christmas shopping for his siblings.

On his way to the toy store, Sam reflects on the events of the past year, but he is still able to muster some good old-fashioned Christmas cheer. Of course, when he reaches the store, it’s a madhouse and nothing he wants to buy is still available. Luckily for us readers, an alien pops out of a portal in the middle of the store and interrupts Sam’s shopping. The alien just happens to be Gladiator of the Shi’ar Imperial Guard, and he is searching for the X-Men.

At the same time, Joseph uses his powers to lift a horse and carriage through the air to create a romantic atmosphere for Rogue. The carriage driver thanks Joseph for the experience and talks about how he’s figured out that most mutants are decent people. In a little aside, the Marvel Universe version of Marvel editor Bob Harras is working late in the office, but he decides to go home and see his family upon witnessing the floating carriage.

Back in the city, Cannonball and Gladiator get into a fight because Sam assumes Gladiator is attacking him. Cannonball holds his own fairly well against an opponent that is supposed to be invincible.

On top of the World Trade Center (yes, this is pre-9/11), Joseph has moved the Z’nox chamber to the roof and modified it to block Rogue’s powers. Rogue is hesitant, but Joseph is able to use the machine and give her a kiss on the forehead.

Back at the fight, Gladiator prepares to throw Cannonball into the sun. Cannonball is able to use his blast shield to absorb the force of Gladiator’s attack. Then, right when Gladiator sees that Sam is fine and begins to doubt himself, Sam is able to knock him out. The other X-Men show up after seeing the fight from far away, and Gladiator begs for their help in rescuing the Shi’ar Empire after being forbidden to interfere by Lilandra. Gladiator uses some devices to teleport all the X-Men and Trish Tilby (but minus Cannonball) to a waiting space ship. Gladiator claims he can’t send Sam because it wouldn’t be honorable to send a youth into battle, and hopes the X-Men succeed for the sake of the universe.

How It Was: This issue feature one of my least favorite genre conventions in it: the fight between two characters with common interests who can’t find the time to stop and talk about the situation. Plus it’s a holiday issue, so there is a good chance that this could’ve turned out hokey. But Lobdell manages to squeeze out some really great moments to make this rise above the mediocrity that has been plaguing recent issues of the series.

First off, I have to say that this is the coolest Sam Guthrie has been since leaving X-Force. After disappearing for no reason in the middle of Onslaught, then being assigned to watch Graydon Creed only to do nothing as the candidate was assassinated, Cannonball has not had a lot to do recently. And even before that he was being portrayed as a bumbling novice who was overly intimidated by the X-Men. Here Cannonball gets to shine by taking on an adversary with the powers of Superman, and it is just great. Sure the motivating factors behind the fight are lacking since Gladiator really should’ve just explained his purpose instead of wasting his time trying to kill the person he needs help from. But it’s an impressive fight, and even though it has no purpose as far as the story is concerned, it does succeed in reminding readers of how cool Cannonball can be.

The other standout moments revolve around Rogue and Joseph. The visual of the carriage floating through the city over skyscrapers is pretty stunning in it of itself, although I could do with out the driver’s drawn out explanation about his principles. The part that works perfectly is of course, the kiss. Lobdell has always excelled in the area of characterization and relationships, and here he shows that he understands what romance truly is. Instead of going for the clichéd, over-the-top makeout scene that most creators would have gone for in the nineties, Lobdell has Joseph give Rogue a subtle kiss on the forehead. It’s an elegant, tender moment that demonstrates how to make people care about a relationship; it’s not about sex, it’s about compassion and gentleness, and Joe Mad renders Rogue’s reaction pitch perfect. It’s a genuinely great emotional moment, and probably the highlight of Joseph’s stint as an X-Man.

In fact, Madureira is firing on all cylinders with this issue, which is odd since it’s mostly a quiet, contemplative issue. From the skyline of New York, to the ice skater in the background of a snowy central park, Madureira just makes the issue feel like Christmas and captures the beauty and electricity of winter in the city. Even his scene in the toy store manages to capture the right tone while containing a wealth of movement and chaos.

The issue does have its head slapping moments. It is really contrived that Gladiator would just happen to show up in the toy store that Cannonball was shopping in, but I can let that one go. The real head-smacker occurs at the end, after Cannonball has wiped the floor with the invulnerable Gladiator, and then Gladiator sends all the X-Men against their will into space except for the guy that just beat. He makes up some dumb excuse about it being dishonorable to send a youth into battle, but the idiot Gladiator just sent the powerless Trish Tilby up with the X-Men to go on his suicide mission. It really makes absolutely no sense whatsoever after a whole issue building Sam up.

Still, this is the best Uncanny is going to be for a long while. Even though I’ve said it a million times before, I’ll say it again. This is where Lobdell’s strengths lie—in these quiet, contemplative issues that take the time to explore the heads of a couple of characters to see where they are at emotionally. It’s a lot of fun and actually handles emotion well without feeling corny or heavy-handed. This one is definitely worth a look, especially for Rogue and Cannonball fans.

A

Cable #42

2011-10-13T20:00:00.000-04:00

Cable #42
Writing: Todd Dezago
Art: Randy Green

What Went Down: In the Swiss Alps, a monk is visited by a projection of Sanctity, member of the Askani from the future. She tells him that he must ready the Askani’son, Cable. He must be prepared to either accept his role or be annihilated.

As for the main story, Cable is in the middle of a mosh pit for the first time in his life. He and Storm are undercover at a Lila Cheney concert—on the lookout for Callisto, who is planning to attack the event. Cable is perplexed by the ritual of moshing and worries about Storm’s claustrophobia in such a tight, dark place. Storm explains she is determined to fulfill her responsibility to the Morlocks when Calisto and Marrow appear.

Storm is surprised to see Marrow alive, since Storm ripped her heart out of her chest back in Uncanny #325, but such is the way of comics. Cable fights the Morlocks while the crowd panics. Storm is crushed against the crowd and starts to lose control, unleashing lightning outside. One of Lila’s disguised alien bodyguards grabs Cable, mistaking him for a troublemaker. Calisto and Marrow escape, and all the while Lila just keeps singing.

Storm and Cable leave out the back and go flying to catch their breaths; they discuss how the mutant Thornn tipped them off to Calisto’s activities. Meanwhile, Calisto and Marrow regroup outside as well. Calisto insists that she be the one to kill Storm and tells Marrow to give the people inside a warning before triggering the explosives they planted. She also explains how Marrow was able to survive Storm’s attack in Uncanny #325; it turns out that Marrow was born with two hearts. Of course, that makes perfect sense!

Outside on the roof of the club, Storm apologizes to Cable for freaking out. A guy trying to get into the concert is scared away by another of the alien guards as Cable reenters the club. On the roof, Calisto confronts Storm, calling her naive when the humans are preparing genocide for mutants. Storm counters that terrorism is for the weak and cowardly.

Back in the concert, Cable runs into Thornn, who came to help stop Calisto and Marrow. Marrow attacks Cable from behind. While Storm fights Calisto, she questions the Morlock about the location of the bomb. Inside, Cable gets in a knife fight with Marrow and tries to offer her a place where she’ll be accepted. Marrow rejects it and tells him that the explosives are rigged to blow when Lila hits a high note at the end of her song; she doesn’t know that Cable is a telepath and able to contact Lila mentally and tell her not to sing the note.

When there is no explosion, Storm announces that the heroes have won, but Calisto explains that the bomb will still go off ten seconds after the music stops. Storm warns Cable telepathically and Thornn locates the bomb. Cable throws it to Lila, who uses her teleportation powers to get rid of it. Afterwards, Cable worries back stage about how close they are to genetic war; since Cable is from the future, he remembers that important events are about to take place now from his history.

How It Was: This is a random one-off in Cable that actually sets up a lot of events in the X-Men books to come, so it’s worth taking a look at. This simple story has a lot of holes in its plot, starting with the antagonists themselves. Calisto and Marrow are back as the main villains, which is incredibly surprising considering last time we saw them, one of them was trying to help stop the murdering of innocent humans and the other had her heart ripped out. Even after coming up with a lazy reason for Marrow to not be dead, their evil scheme still doesn’t make any sense. Why would Calisto tell Marrow to warn the people before the bomb goes off? Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose? And if the bomb was set to go off after the music stops, wouldn’t warning the crowd be a bad idea?

Then again, maybe it wouldn’t matter if Marrow warned the crowd or not, since this appears to be a very stupid crowd. Cable and the Morlocks supposedly cause a near riot with their fight, but later there are plenty of people still at the concert. Are they that oblivious? Shouldn’t they be running for their lives instead of standing around while two mutants have a kung fu knife fight? The plot itself feels very stock; I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the bomb set off by a certain note in a number of cartoons like Inspector Gadget over the years. Ignoring the silliness of it, the way it plays out still doesn’t make a lot of sense.

So what does work? Well the prologue is pretty interesting with its cryptic foreshadowing of Nathan’s future role in the war against Apocalypse. That is until you learn that Nate’s role is actually nonexistent in that “final battle,” but don’t worry, that isn’t for years to come.

Also, Storm and Cable both work well together; the X-offices had been vaguely hinting at a romance between the two for a while, and it actually seems like it might work here. Storm does come off as a little weak and dumb by putting herself in such a situation in the first place, but her guilt over the Morlocks is a convincing enough motivation for her presence. Cable’s not exactly a standout solo hero; while he’s obviously tough, there’s just nothing to really set him apart, like a sense of humor or unique powers. Then again, he does have some fun moments in the mosh pit, and the writer seems to be slowly building up his significance as a time traveler/savior.

The art is decent, especially when it comes to the design of the alien bodyguard or the action and lighting of the mosh pit. The action isn’t anything to write home about, and the plot is a little incoherent, but it does do an average job of setting up the X-Men’s struggle to keep human relations from devolving any further.

C

X-Men '97 Annual

2011-10-05T14:59:00.000-04:00

X-Men ’97 Annual
Writing: John Francis Moore
Art: Steve Epting

What Went Down: We open on Iceman and Joseph as they are chased by a mob of humans. They desperately try to make it to their car, but the mob catches up to them. In a surprise twist, the mob doesn’t consist of angry anti-mutant bigots; instead, it’s a group of teenage girls obsessed with getting Bobby Drake’s autograph. Joseph is confused by this.

At the mansion, Gambit and Rogue are shown cooking gumbo and kissing each other; for some reason Rogue’s absorption powers are in control. Joseph can’t help but feel that something isn’t quite right. Other events that are too good to be true: Cannonball watches a news story about the government shutting down Bastion, the world doesn’t’ hate mutants, Cyclops can walk around without his visor, Beast discovers the cure for the Legacy Virus, and Wolverine is calm and at peace. When Joseph walks away from him, Logan demonstrates that he is trying to fight some sort of mind control.

As Joseph observes some photos in the mansion, he notices that Jean Grey’s existence has been erased from them. Even stranger, none of the X-Men remember Jean Grey at all. Joseph flies away when the team threatens to “help” him, but Gambit and Rogue catch up and try to understand what is going on. Using Cerebro, they discover a mutant that fits the description of Jean in a store in Salem Center.

On the astral plane, Jean is imprisoned in a fake bedroom. At the ‘Bullseye’ store (a parody of Target), Gambit, Rogue, and Joseph are assaulted by the employees. After subduing the sales associates, they find Jean hooked up to a machine in the back. Gambit and Rogue vaguely remember her.

Rogue is knocked unconscious by a mental attack from the manager, who turns out to be the Gamemaster. We also see a flashback of Jean Grey being pricked with a sedative in a grocery store so she could be abducted. Gamemaster explains that he is an omnipath, and the only way for him to stay sane and focused while being exposed to the world’s thoughts and feelings is for him to play these manipulative games. He mentions the abortive Upstarts storyline, and explains that he was curious to see what would come of the X-Men if they were given everything they ever wanted.

Gamemaster offers Joseph the opportunity to make the changes permanent by sacrificing Jean Grey. When Joseph refuses, Gamemaster offers him the same deal if he will sacrifice Gambit. Joseph appears to kill Gambit, but really he is faking so he can free Jean. Jean attacks Gamemaster and almost learns his identity, but the villain gets away. Jean catches a glimpse of where he might live, but when the X-Men go to the house, it is obvious that the villain isn’t there. The TV is on, and the report describes a hospital firebombing that occurred once the Gamemaster stopped influencing the town. Rogue tries to cheer everybody up by explaining how all of them are trying to be better people.

How It Was: Somewhat of a surprise, this issue. Namely the surprise is in how good it actually is. Moore has a lot of fun with the status quo of the time, which was depressing, depressing, and more depressing. Amidst all the Onslaughts and political assassinations and self-doubting mutants, it is so nice to see the X-Men gain some happiness, even if it’s only a temporary, fake happiness. All of the twists Moore picks out, from the Legacy cure to Cyclops’ eyes, are nice little nods to the wealth of ever-present obstacles to the X-Men that never get furthered at all. Of course the end winds up being even more of a downer, but the journey is still a good one. It’s great to see Joseph get to be the focus, even if it’s only because of the plot convenient notion that Gamemaster’s powers can’t work on Magneto. After having nothing to do with the resolution of the Onslaught storyline, Joseph really hasn’t had an opportunity to prove himself as a hero up to this point, and I dare say this is the best standout moment he ever gets before disappearing off the face of the Marvel Universe in a year or two.

More impressive is the job Moore does with rehabilitating the Gamemaster’s character, especially in so few panels. Instead of the generically evil for the sake of evil arbitrator he was during the entire Upstarts story, I like this take on him as someone who is trying to distract himself from being overwhelmed by the breadth of human emotion around him. Moore also seems to be going for this idea that Gamemaster has completely lost his empathy and objectivity because of his powers, which is a far more compelling take on the villain as opposed to an evil, powerful guy who is just really, really bored all the time. Unfortunately he disappears from the X-Men books after this annual, never to be seen in the main books again.

The issue is a little long, and the fight with the employees at Target feels superfluous, but all-in-all the story works really well. At its core it is a simple story about whether the ends justify the means, filtered through a well constructed X-Men character piece. This is a shining bright spot in the middle of late 90’s era X-Men. We finally get a story that deals with the core themes of the book, develops some of the characters and their relationships, and only has one loose end that is never followed up on again (which feels like some kind of record for this period). If you’re going to bother reading X-Men comics in 1997, you might as well seek this one out since it’s better than the vast majority.

B+

X-Men #61

2011-10-05T14:55:00.000-04:00

X-Men #61
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Cedric Nocon

What Went Down: Archangel starts off the issue pounding on the door of his penthouse because Psylocke is inside a battling a group of undercloaks-the magic shadow ninjas from back in Uncanny #329. Unable to enter (I guess he forgot his keys?), Warren runs up the stairs to the roof, flies around, and busts through a window to find Betsy calmly sitting by herself. When Warren asks what is going on, Gomurr the Ancient shows up and hints at the cost of resurrecting Psylocke with the Crimson Dawn. This is all set up for a Crimson Dawn mini-series for the couple to star in, so don’t worry too much about it.

Back at the museum, Storm is trying to protect Karima, the orphan who was raised a thief by Storm’s mentor and is presently taped to a pillar. Storm confronts the Shadow King/Jamil and tries to stop him with a blizzard. Candra tries to get to the gem, but the Juggernaut appears, attacking her and Storm. Storm frees Karima and wonders if the appearances of the Shadow King and Juggernaut are somehow tied to Jamil’s powers. Candra and Storm get into a hand-to-hand fight, with Ororo throwing Candra in some rubble. While Storm tries to figure out what is happening, Cable appears and uses the gem to shoot a red ray at Candra. Storm figures out the cause of the manifestations, flies Karima out of the museum, and tells the girl that she has to stop this.

Elsewhere in the city, the X-Men are tracking Storm to help her. Jean uses her powers to hide their appearance from civilians, which causes a debate among the members. Jean turns a corner and everyone disappears, both X-Man and civilian. After three panels, everything returns to normal, with Wolverine asking Jean if there is anything wrong.

Back in the museum, Candra bursts out of the rubble and asks where Jamil has gone. Storm explains that Jamil never existed because Karima is actually a mutant whose power involves pulling desires from people’s minds and making them real; Jamil was actually a desire of Karima’s given form to keep her from being lonely. Candra’s own desire to get the gem was then projected onto Jamil by Karima. Storm throws Candra the gem, but at the last second Cyclops shows up and blasts it, killing Candra. The X-Men comment about how they are always there for each other, and Storm decides that she is going to take Karima home. In an epilogue in Hong Kong, Sebastian Shaw is revealed to be not dead. He makes a toast to his son Shinobi, and then says some cryptic mutterings about his next huge plan.

How It Was: Errr…I hate to be so negative all the time, but this really makes no sense and has no purpose. The cover teases an awesome fight with the Juggernaut, but what we get is a series of illusions that are only around for a page or two each. Candra’s “heart” has gone from her weakness to a typical ultimate power macguffin, and the resolution is super anti-climactic since Storm could have just destroyed the thing last issue and been done with all of it.

Now let’s talk about the M. Night Shyamalan style twist of Jamil not existing. Originally we’re told that Jamil is a mutant who can create illusions. Fair enough. Then we’re told that he might be possessed by the Shadow King, and the gem can enhance his powers. Still good. After that, a bunch of illusions from Storm’s history pop up and attack her. She somehow reasons that it is impossible for Jamil to be able to know these aspects of her history, so instead she figures that it makes more sense that Karima has the power to unconsciously read thoughts and desires from people and make them tangible. Also, Jamil isn’t real, as he was really an embodiment of Karima’s unconscious desire to not be alone. My question is, how is this the more likely scenario than a mutant who can create illusions screwing with a person with aspects of their past? Especially with an overpowered magic gem, shouldn’t this be well within the realm of possibilities in the X-Men’s lives?

Still, the twist might have been enough if we actually cared about any of the characters at all. Even Candra has little to no motivation; why did she put her heart in a jewel in the first place and what is she going to do if she gets it back under her control? On top of that, at the end Storm decides it is best to return Karima to her life as a struggling orphan thief in Africa by herself, as opposed to say taking her back to their mansion so she can learn how to use her insanely powerful mutant abilities. So there you have it, even Storm doesn’t care enough about Karima as a character to do the right thing by her.

As for the rest of the plotlines, the two-page spread of Psylocke fighting ghost ninjas looks pretty cool, but the stuff with the Crimson Dawn still isn’t interesting at all. And in what I assume is yet another forgotten plotline to add to the list, Jean Grey sees everybody in New York disappear for no reason. Sebastian Shaw is back, not that we really missed him all that much. While he is a much better character than his son Shinobi, Sebastian doesn’t really get any good plots in the modern age of comics that I can think of off the top of my head. But more on that in the coming issues of X-Men.

This story was probably the biggest misfire yet. I like the idea of putting the spotlight on Storm, but a boring villain, uninteresting supporting characters, and unnecessary plot twists make this one pretty forgettable. This is the type of comic that shows how diehard an X-fan is if they owned it and stuck with the series after reading it.

F

X-Men #60

2011-10-05T14:53:00.000-04:00

X-Men #60
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Ralph Macchio
Art: Cedric Nocon

What Went Down: Storm is enjoying some solitude in her attic/garden when Cyclops ambushes and attacks her. The External Candra has possessed Cyclops for some reason, but she lets him go after Storm drenches him. Storm explains to Cyclops that Candra is after the jewel from Storm’s costume.

In a flashback we see the young thief Storm breaking into a mansion to steal the gem. After young Ororo removed the jewel, the case exploded, killing all the guards and leveling the house. Storm’s master Achmed El-Gibar kept the jewel for her until she was older, and it turns out that the gem is really Candra’s heart, the only weakness the External has.

In Washington, Jean consoles Cannonball for failing to save Graydon Creed. Meanwhile Storm meets Candra in the Metropolitan Museum’s Egyptian collection. Storm is about to destroy the jewel so Candra cannot use its power, but Candra reveals that she has kidnapped a girl named Karima that Storm met way back in X-Men Unlimited #7, who was also trained as a thief by Achmed. Additionally, Candra has employed Karima’s friend Jamil, who can cast illusions. Jamil makes Ororo see the Black Panther, who kisses her. Storm breaks free and a fight erupts. The gem in Storm’s hand disappears because Jamil created an illusion to make her think she was still holding it. The issue ends with the Shadow King appearing and announcing that he has been in control of Jamil all along and now has the power of the Heart of Candra.

How It Was: The stress of writing two books continues to take its toll on Lobdell, as he scrapes the bottom of the X-bucket for this story. With clearly no direction for the X-Men books at this point, Lobdell was obviously getting desperate if he was using X-Men Unlimited stories for his inspiration. Putting the spotlight on Storm for two issues isn’t a bad idea by any stretch of the mind; after all, she hasn’t really had any development of her own since Forge left her. It’s just that this story is a long series of unnecessary retcons combined with an enmity between two characters that has never been mentioned before or since.

Ralph Macchio’s script for this issue is not particularly great, and it’s not helped by the sheer amount of exposition that is dumped into this issue. Storm’s origin is gone over twice, once by the narrator and again when Storm recounts a flashback, with a filler action scene between Cyclops and Storm smack in the middle. Tying Candra to Storm’s past doesn’t make a lot of sense since she has primarily been a Gambit and X-Force villain up to this point. Then there are just the numerous logical gaps: if Candra can possess Cyclops, why not just possess Storm instead? Why would Storm’s mentor give the jewel to her if it holds so much power, and why would she hold onto it if she saw it blow up a mansion full of people? If the jewel is Candra’s weakness, why doesn’t Storm just destroy it this issue instead of making us slog through another issue to destroy it? The macguffin is just too poorly defined, as is the reason Candra has waited so long to try to get it back.

Another baffling choice is the inclusion of minor bit players Karima and Jamil. Storm acts like they are super important to her, but really she’s only met them once and most readers probably had no idea at the time who they were; I know I didn’t. The script doesn’t do much to make us care about either of them at all, since Jamil acts like a brainwashed lackey and Karima has her mouth taped shut the whole issue. They’re never going to be in a comic again after next issue, so don’t worry too much about them.

Cedric Nocon’s art is actually really nice, except for the magically changing proportions and position of the Washington Monument in the Jean and Sam scene. Conversely, that’s probably my favorite part of the issue since it actually makes sense, deals with the characters, and gives Cannonball a little depth. I like that Sam is conflicted about Creed’s death, although it does bring up the question of why the writers set up this months long storyline for him when he contributed absolutely nothing to its resolution. The end is a bit of a red herring; it looks cool, but next issue devolves into a series of twists that don’t come off as interesting or clever as they should, namely because nobody cares about any of the characters other than Storm. This issue just continues the trend of aimlessness that the X-Men suffered pre- and post-Onslaught.

F

200 Posts Strong and Growing

2011-09-29T00:41:00.000-04:00

I have to admit I'm kind of surprised, and impressed, that this is still going on, and going as well as it is. Thanks to everybody who continues to visit. There's a good chance I might take the next week off to work on school work, but I'll play it by ear. As for what's down the line, we have the end of Scott Lobdell's run, Marvel's horribly conceived Minus One Month, and the criminally underrated Steven Seagle/Joe Kelly run. So please continue to visit and thanks again!

X-Factor #130

2011-09-29T00:33:00.000-04:00

X-Factor #130
Writing: Howard Mackie
Art: Eric Battle

What Went Down: Before I start, I just want to point out that the end of this issue is completely spoiled by the bottom left corner of the first page. If that’s not an indicator of the quality of a creative team, I don’t know what is?

Anywho, the issue starts off with Mystique performing target practice on a poster of her son Graydon Creed. Pyro is by her side, even though he was forcibly abducted in Uncanny X-Men #338. He asks her how they are going to complete their plan, and Mystique demonstrates that she has hacked her inhibitor collar to allow herself to morph into Val Cooper.

Val Cooper is at a hotel with Graydon Creed right before the election. Creed is insistent that he be allowed to perform his final speech even though he has received numerous death threats. Cooper tells him that he either has to accept X-Factor’s help or cancel the speech. The rest of the team bursts in through the window and starts searching for explosives; Creed is incredibly unhappy to see his psychotic father Sabretooth on the team. Creed’s bodyguards confront X-Factor, and Val and Forge recognize Cannonball as one of them. Forge demonstrates that Sabretooth has a collar that prevents him from getting too close to Graydon, so he reluctantly agrees.

Outside the rally, Val is ambushed by the real Val Cooper, and it is revealed that the one we’ve been following was Mystique. A group of protestors get into a riot with some of Creed’s supporters, and Mystique is able to slip away in the crowd. Val tells X-Factor to search for Mystique, and they catch her in disguise aiming a weapon at the presidential nominee. Polaris takes the gun, and Mystique is restrained and hauled away, even though she is claiming that she was trying to help.

Creed confronts his mother and tells the authorities to take her away, but the team insists on doing it themselves. In an armored truck, Mystique swears to Val that she was trying to save Creed, along with some vague mutterings about conspiracy theories in the government. Later, as Graydon Creed takes the stage, the X-Factor team spots Pyro in the crowd. Graydon Creed gets shot and incinerated. X-Factor captures Pyro and escapes, but they claim that Pyro and Mystique are innocent because their weapons turned out to be forcefield generators. Mystique even consoles Pyro by saying that they tried. On a computer screen, a mysterious text message appears claiming that Creed was the first, but Mystique is next.

How It Was: With the month of the actual election already past in the real world, the X-offices had to decide where exactly they were taking the “Creed runs for president” plotline. I can understand not wanting to have a fundamentalist racist as president of the Marvel Universe. This however stands as a good example of a neat idea that was not thought through all the way. While the fate of Creed is shocking, and it is understandable how the death of a presidential candidate would fuel anti-mutant sentiments, it is clear that the resolution of this thread hasn’t been created yet. So once again we get a couple of months of people talking about the assassination like it’s the major direction of all the X-books, and the influence of every villain, before it’s completely abandoned and forgotten about. Yes, it’s this old song again. If you’re curious, the identity of the assassin is actually revealed in Fabian Nicieza’s X-Men Forever mini-series from around 2000 or 2001. But enough about the ill preparedness of the X-offices, lets get onto the quality of the issue.

This is one of those events that should have happened in an X-Men book, but was probably editorially demanded to boost sales of the flagging X-Factor book. Not only does X-Factor come off looking really awful in this issue, there are a number of irregularities with what has already been established in the X-Men books. Uncanny #338 saw Pyro running for his life from “her”, who was obviously meant to be Mystique. This issue finds them working toward their goal mutually, and without the aid of Avalanche, who had been mentioned previously. Sam Guthrie does appear, but only in a one panel cameo as he’s recognized by Forge and Val; he literally has no impact on the story after months of set up, which couldn’t have been the initial plan. Realistically he gets pushed to the side because X-Factor has to be assigned to Creed at the last minute for this plot to make sense in an issue of X-Factor.

Then there is just the sheer ridiculousness of the plot structure. Mystique and Pyro are actually trying to save Creed, so they decide to hide in the crowd with force field weapons that look exactly like guns, and Mystique thinks the best way to accomplish her goal is to destroy what little trust her handlers have put in her and do everything herself. After she’s caught, she makes a halfhearted attempt to explain away the flaws in her plan as a contingency against some vast conspiracy, but what really comes off as stupid is how the members of X-Factor keep interrupting her as she’s trying to explain. And why did she even bother to take Val’s place in the first place? It’s just really silly how the script tries to add in all these twists that make no sense whatsoever. Even the sheer fact that the government would assign a mutant super hero team with two former terrorists on it to defend a presidential candidate strikes as pretty dumb. Yes that does fit into the vast conspiracy theory, but you’d think that Val or Forge might question this a little harder.

I didn’t read a lot of X-Factor during this period, but I have to say that this roster isn’t very interesting at all. Polaris seems to have nothing to do now that Havok has left the team. Forge and Val seem to have the same personality, while Wild Child just grunts a lot. Sabretooth does have some funny scenes where he mocks his son by pretending to be a proud father, but once again I have to question his purpose on a government super hero team. Mystique is super stoic, but you’d think she’d be a little more aggressive about saving her son if that was the initial storyline.

This is a legitimately interesting course for the X-Books to take; the execution is just forced and deviates too much from the initial setup. Worse is that the story feels like it has no real direction as red herring after red herring is introduced to try to build on the mystery of the assassin. And while this was a perfect opportunity for the Marvel offices to get people interested in X-Factor, I can’t say it does a very good job at that either. The characters just don’t do anything to make the audience care about them in this issue, and they don’t really have anything to do in the actual story. Overall it’s disappointing.

D-

Uncanny X-Men #340

2011-09-29T00:30:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #340
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Bobby Drake’s father is in the hospital after being beaten up by members of the Friends of Humanity. Bobby is sitting alone with him in the hospital room when Storm shows up and asks him what happened. Elsewhere Cannonball is still undercover within Creed’s campaign. He tries to visit Creed, but two hulking bodyguards prevent him. Just as Sam is leaving, Creed shows up and invites him into his office.

Storm and Iceman have moved onto the roof of the hospital where Bobby explains how he discovered his father. Creed’s campaign members were going to catch a jet when Creed asked Bobby to help solve a problem. Because Creed uses Iceman’s real name “Robert” it’s an indication that something is wrong, and sure enough Drake finds his father badly beaten in a clearing in the woods. Bobby feels guilty, and wonders why his father didn’t give them any information, to which Storm replies there is only one answer.

Outside Creed’s headquarters, Creed asks Sam about his father. Guthrie describes his father as hardworking and loving. Then he asks about Creed’s dad, knowing that Graydon’s father is the villain Sabretooth. Creed crushes the glass he was drinking from and just claims that his dad was a disappointment.

In Mr. Drake’s hospital room, Gambit is watching over the man. Mr. Drake asks him why Remy fights for mutant rights, and Gambit replies it’s for the same reason he did. Outside a van pulls up at the hospital. Human extremist soldiers are preparing to kill all the mutants that they can detect. Wolverine opens the trunk door and appears to jump in and kill all of them.

Storm talks about how she wonders if her parents would’ve approved of her lifestyle as a super hero; she wishes that her parents were still alive. In a bar, Jean telepathically contacts Cannonball to tell him that Iceman’s cover was blown; Sam is determined to stay until the end. Back at the hospital, Bobby tells Storm that he’s taking a leave of absence from the X-Men to be with his father. The X-Men leave and he tells his father that he loves him.

How It Was: This is easily the best issue of either X-Men title in a very long time. It’s also some of the best material Iceman has been given in a very long time, especially since it has nothing to do with guilt over how his powers developed. Iceman gets a very relatable storyline involving his father getting put in the hospital, and Lobdell handles it perfectly. Yes it’s still a little contrived that Mr. Drake has had this eleventh hour turn of conscience, but it is justified well as an understanding that even mutants have families.

All the characters talk about their fathers, and while it should come off as corny, it doesn’t. Storm gets a rare sensitive moment talking about her thoughts about her dead parents, and even Cannonball and Creed share just enough to show how their fathers have impacted their lives. This just works as a quiet, contemplative issue that places the focus squarely on characterization. Also Wolverine’s part works perfectly with the mislead that this quiet, contemplative mood is about to be shattered by human bigots, but than at the last minute Wolverine just kills them all. It’s cathartic for the reader because it’s alluded that these are the same people responsible for beating up Mr. Drake, and it’s also just an undeniably cool moment of Logan acting tough.

What isn’t really working is the overall direction of the story. Cannonball and Iceman’s infiltrations haven’t turned up any information at all, and they never will. I do like how Creed’s asking about Cannonball’s father also works as a thinly veiled threat, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that this subplot is a waste of the character and nothing ever really comes of it. This is Scott Lobdell at his best, which he hasn’t been at since he took over both books again. All the heroes are warm, familiar, and handled in a mature, realistic, and very human way. Highly recommended.

A

X-Men #59

2011-09-29T00:28:00.002-04:00

X-Men #59
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Ralph Macchio
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Cyclops is in a near-empty theater watching Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Instead of drawing scenes from the movie, the art department has decided to Photoshop screen shots of the movie onto the screen. Jean shows up and surprises Scott, even though he knows that she’s a telepath. Although the theater is empty, someone tells them to be quiet. Jean asks him about Alex, but he just wants to watch the movie.

Back at the Institute, Bishop is getting beat up again by the second guest hero in two issues. Hercules has thrown Bishop through the wall and seems confused as to how his greeting could have hurt Bishop that much. Beast explains the Onslaught storyline to Hercules, and Bishop threatens to beat up Herc, but is held back by Beast. Hercules has stopped by looking for Quicksilver because he wants to team up with the remaining Avengers, since he has been condemned to Earth by his father Zeus.

Quicksilver is outside wondering how he’s going to face his daughter and tell her that her mother is dead. Wolverine gives him a pep talk about being strong for her like Crystal and Wanda would have wanted. Quicksilver runs into Joseph, who is busy building a machine to block Rogue’s powers. Quicksilver yells at him for not realizing all the lives he’s ruined, and then runs away.

Back in the theater, Scott tells Jean how he always liked movies as a way to escape from the reality of being a sickly orphan whose brother was adopted. The two kiss each other. At Creed’s campaign headquarters, Iceman reads a fax that says his father was arrested after Trish Tilby’s talk show and refused to give his name. Cannonball walks in on Creed talking on the phone; he claims he was discussing strategy with his parents. Sam knows who his parents are so he wonders what Creed meant. Outside, Bobby asks Carly if she thinks Creed is going to be elected. Carly responds, “What is, is,” which is the motto of the Askani in the future.

As Quicksilver and Hercules depart, Joseph flies up to the plane and apologizes to Quicksilver, who responds that maybe someday it will mean something. Hercules cautions the dangers of holding a grudge, but Pietro is distant. Cyclops and Jean exit the theater and he wonders if it’s silly that he wasted the day watching movies. He realizes that the fate of the X-Men is up to him, but he’s hopeful because Jean is by his side.

How It Was: Alright, Hercules stops by the mansion for no good reason other than to force a recap of the Onslaught storyline and write Quicksilver out of the book. Hercules comes off as a bit of a tool here, throwing Bishop through a wall and then acting surprised by it. Quicksilver gets some nice development, although it’s a couple of months too late in my opinion. Shouldn’t he have gone to visit his daughter many issues ago? Wolverine’s speech to Pietro feels a lot more like common sense than pearls of wisdom, but how else can Lobdell explain why Quicksilver is still around unless he goes the route of fear.

The Creed storyline is still around, and a whole lot of nothing is still happening there. The reveal that Carly Alverez might be an Askani from the future is interesting, but like so many things in this era, it is totally forgotten about later. Cyclops’ scenes are an unexpected choice. There’s nothing really special about his interactions with Jean, but it’s nice to see him acknowledging the weight of being in charge of the X-Men in the Professor’s absence.

At this point it’s been three months since Onslaught wrapped up, and it still feels like nothing significant has happened at all. Instead of following up on Archangel’s transformation or Havok’s terrorist activity, we’re left with the very boring Creed storyline, and Hercules’ unnecessary visit. This is just filler until somebody can come up with a proper direction for the books to take, and it’s a shame because there are so many possible directions. Very weak plotting, and Macchio’s script can’t compare to Lobdell’s normally insightful character interaction.

D

Uncanny X-Men #339

2011-09-29T00:26:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #339
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Adam Kubert and Cedric Nocon

What Went Down: Spider-Man (the Ben Reilly Spider-Man, that is) shows up at the mansion at the middle of the night and is attacked by Bishop. Because this Spider-Man was a clone, he doesn’t recognize a lot of the characters’ changes, and he calls Jean Marvel Girl. Spidey has showed up to warn the X-Men that Jameson is digging around about Graydon Creed, and he might be in danger.

At X-Factor headquarters in Virginia, Mystique is watching Graydon Creed on the news and contemplating killing him to protect mutantkind, even though he is her son. She recognizes Iceman in one of the shots, from the back of his head no less, and announces that this changes everything.

At JFK airport, the X-Men have decided to send the Beast on the plane in order to watch over Jameson without raising suspicion. Of course he’s recognized by Jameson, who is excited that he must be getting close. To be fair, Cyclops is also on the plane and remains undercover. In the Blackbird, Joseph has been trying to understand the history of the X-Men and asks about the connection between Cable and Cyclops.

In a hotel room, reporter Nick Bandouveris has just discovered files proving that Graydon Creed’s parents were Sabretooth and Mystique. Back on the X-Jet, Joseph tries to synthesize and paraphrase the history of Cyclops and Cable, much to the amusement of Storm. On the plane, a mutant telepath from Havok’s Brotherhood of Mutants tells the passengers to remain calm and buckle their seats. Havok rips off the roof of the plane, and Jameson asks what he is doing. What is Havok’s reason for attacking? He is upset that Jameson is investigating Creed, because he doesn’t want it to look like mutants need help. No really…that’s his reason for trying to kill Jameson.

Cyclops blasts Havok to establish to the reader that their powers cancel each other out. Cyclops instead blasts Havok’s anti-gravity generator, and they both fly out the plane. Cyclops asks his brother what is wrong, and Havok says some cryptic things about finally being in control. Lobdell tries to establish Havok’s history of being mind controlled multiple times as motivation for his frustration with Xavier’s methods. Meanwhile, Joseph stops the plane from crashing.

The Brotherhood plane fires on Joseph, but he is able to shoot it down. Havok activates a teleport machine and leaves Cyclops to die, but Storm rescues him in the nick of time. Joseph lands the plane at an airport, and Jameson recognizes him as Magneto. Joseph contemplates how much he enjoyed saving the plane.

At the same time, Nick is waiting for Jonah, who has been delayed by the plane crash. Bastion shows up, kills Nick, and steals the files because Graydon Creed is still valuable to Zero Tolerance.

How It Was: This is an odd one, but most of it has nothing to do with Scott Lobdell. See at the time in X-Factor, Havok had left to join the Dark Beast because he was brainwashed. After Dark Beast was defeated during Onslaught, the writer of X-Factor set up Havok as a permanent villain. Initially he was written as insane, later it’s established that Havok just wants to save mutantkind with a more active stance than the X-Men, and finally it’s established that he was undercover. Either way, it is hard to reconcile later stories with this portrayal of Havok, since at this time all his appearances were so inconsistent. Lobdell tries his best, using Havok’s numerous times mind controlled as a kind of internal motivation, but really this is just silly. All Havok does is complain about control while he plummets out a plane, and his reason for attacking Jameson in the first place is absolutely absurd.

Spider-Man’s appearance is also kind of silly. We get the traditional heroes misunderstanding fight, followed by Spidey just delivering the plot to the X-Men. Isn’t this the kind of thing that, I don’t know, Iceman could have picked up on to give him something to do for his assignment—to give it a purpose. It is nice that they acknowledge how long it’s been since the X-Men and Spider-Man teamed up, but other than that these scenes are kind of a waste.

Joseph actually gets a few more good scenes. It’s nice to see him get the opportunity to save actual people for a change, and it’s also amusing to see him poke fun at the sheer impenetrability that is X-Men canon by way of using Cable and Cyclops as an example. I do feel like his debut to the world should affect the team more; after all, Jameson brings up the point about Magneto being bad PR, but nothing ever comes of it. The subplot with the reporter goes absolutely nowhere, other than to show that Bastion isn’t a nice guy, and I’m pretty sure that a lot of people already knew who Creed’s parents were, including the X-Men.

While this issue continues the Jameson subplot, nothing really compelling is going on here. Jameson claims he’s getting close to a discovery, but if it’s one that readers already know, then what’s the point? All of this is going to be made moot in a couple of issues anyways when Creed dies, but more on that later. This is just an odd one, with an odd villain who has odd motivations that never quite add up. Some good stuff for Joseph, though.

D+

X-Men #58

2011-09-21T18:58:00.000-04:00

X-Men #58
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Bernard Chang

What Went Down: Storm is down in the sewer visiting the graves of the Morlocks on the anniversary of the Morlock Massacre. She finds a number of candles laid out and wonders who has done this. She’s surprised to see Gambit paying his respects, especially since he wasn’t an X-Man during the event. Also, there appears to be grass in the sewer where the Morlocks are buried. Gambit mistakes Storm for an attacker and throws some charged cards at her, then apologizes. When asked why he is there, Gambit just tells her that he feels badly for them.

Trish Tilby is interviewing Graydon Creed on her news show. Creed takes time to thank Drake Roberts, really Iceman, for his contributions to the campaign. Trish asks Creed about his hate speech, but he brushes it off as distortion from the liberal media. He frames himself as a champion, when suddenly Iceman’s father stands up in the crowd and calls Creed out for his prejudices. Bobby feels pride that his bigoted father would take the time to stand up for mutants.

At the mansion, Joseph flies through Rogue’s window while she is sleeping. Joseph insists that she come to the sub-basement with him, but she wants to get dressed first. Outside, Bishop and Wolverine are sitting by a fire. Bishop wonders what he should do next since he has fulfilled his ultimate goal of discovering and defeating the X-traitor. Wolverine tells him he just has to live, when they both notice Gambit staring into the distance. Gambit attacks Joseph; Joseph tries to explain that he may’ve found a way to cure Rogue’s powers, but Gambit insists it will just lead to disappointment. The two fight for a couple of pages before Rogue breaks them up and chastises them for acting jealous. Rogue flies away, and Gambit and Joseph make up.

We end on a scene with J. Jonah Jameson’s wife Marla telling him to stop working and go to bed. Outside the office we see that Havok is observing Jameson with intentions to kill him.

How It Was: Well, this is mostly a filler issue. Probably the most significant event is the revelation of Gambit showing his respects for the Morlock Massacre. Since the last anniversary was in Uncanny #325 thirteen months ago, I don’t know how that works in Marvel time. Still this is a pretty big clue that Gambit was somehow involved when he worked for Sinister. While the scene of the graves underground in the sewer is a little absurd, it works really well as a nice visual. And it is nice to see Storm acknowledge her failures with the Morlocks.

The rest isn’t quite as interesting. Iceman is apparently watching to see if Creed does something illegal, but that doesn’t explain why he’s helping Creed. Seriously, Creed calls Bobby his best volunteer, so what is Bobby doing to earn this title? Other than that it’s more of the same from Creed. I have to say that a lot of the dialogue does feel a lot more relevant in post 9/11 America. Seeing a conservative politician justifying racial profiling and speculating on the fears and paranoia of regular Americans, all while blaming the “liberal media” for calling him a fear monger, feels very familiar in a world of Tea Party politics and “Ground Zero” Mosque distortion. Having Mr. Drake come to the defense of mutants is okay, and he draws some good parallels, but it comes completely out of nowhere. I mean Bobby’s dad hasn’t been in the book since Uncanny X-Men #319; we’re at Uncanny #339 at this point, and that isn’t even including the Age of Apocalypse issues. So we’re picking up on a two-year-old side-character arc with absolutely no buildup… fantastic.

The fight between Gambit and Joseph is just weird and poorly handled. It seems obvious that Gambit is jealous, and emotional from visiting the Morlock graves, but he still comes off as a jerk to a guy who didn’t do anything wrong and is trying to help the woman he loves. Gambit’s portrayal towards Joseph is so inconsistent in the X-titles; sometimes he’s telling Joseph to forget the sins of the past and that redemption is possible, while other times he’s just like, “Hey, you were Magneto! Blah, blah, blah!” It’s actually a cool looking fight, but there is no emotional investment since there isn’t any decent motivation behind it.

Bernard Chang fills in this month. His style is a little more cartoony than usual, but it’s okay. He does accidentally draw regular Wolverine when he should be drawing mutated troll-Wolverine, and he insists on putting both Storm and Rogue in midriff tops, which is quite unnecessary. Rogue’s outfit is especially absurd since she insisted on getting dressed and then puts on fewer clothes than she had on in bed, with a half-shirt and short shorts.

The X-Men books have felt like filler since the end of Onslaught, and this continues the trend. Yes, once again the final issue sets up the next issue of Uncanny, but that’s about it. I can’t say that I really care about anything going on at this point, and a lot of the character motivations feel off to me.

D

Onslaught: Marvel Universe

2011-09-21T18:56:00.000-04:00

Onslaught: Epilogue
Writing: Larry Hama
Art: Randy Green

What Went Down: After being arrested by Val Cooper, Xavier is secretly taken to the location of Operation Zero Tolerance and held personally under Bastion. He is labeled Prisoner M-13, and Bastion constantly interrogates him for information and mistreats him as well. Henry Peter Gyrich is around, chastising Bastion for mistreating Xavier, who is apparently responsible for Xavier being there. We also learn that the location is an abandoned Hulkbuster Base. Bastion knows that Xavier is, or was, a mutant, but Gyrich doesn’t understand why Bastion thinks this is true.

We see a replay of the interrogation with Bastion losing his patience as Xavier refuses to admit that mutants are less then human. He then strikes the Professor. We also learn about prisoner M-9, also known as Nina the Mannite. She is a non-human little girl who is potentially the next stage of evolution beyond mutants. Bastion brings in a psychologist, Dr. Ingrid Thysson to try to prove that Xavier is a mutant. After introducing herself, Dr. Thysson sees a body bag being disposed of, but she is told not to question it. Thysson comments on how Xavier has obviously been mistreated, as does her associate Daryll Smith, a character from Hama’s Wolverine that is immune to psychics. While watching the monitors, the feed is interrupted by a cartoon called the Rainbow Bears.

In Xavier’s cell Nina teleports in and uses telekinesis to get Charles back in his chair. Bastion and his men barge into his cell, but Nina is already gone. As Bastion freaks out, Daryl tells him to calm down, and Bastion orders him to the brig. The next day Thysson sets out to create a full psych profile on Charles. She straps him in a weird gyroscope and asks him loads of questions. Xavier asks her if she knows the true purpose of this facility, and claims that after he volunteered to help, he was taken away without Cooper’s knowledge. Ingrid discovers Nina’s stuffed rabbit, and Xavier grabs it from her.

Later Gyrich and Bastion are discussing Nina. After learning that Daryl is a psi-anomoly, Bastion tells Gyrich to give him the DX order for Nina. Since the body bag from early had the letters DX on it, that can’t be a good thing. Nina visits Charles again and explains how she can read people, except Bastion. Charles tells her about his own powers, and Nina offers to turn them back on, but he tells her he’s not ready. Xavier wishes for a phone and she makes one appear, which he uses to call Renee Majcomb. Thysson sees the Rainbow Bears back on the monitor and goes to investigate. She barges into the cell, and Nina reveals herself because she senses Thysson is good.

Nina tells her that she read that she was scheduled for DX. To save the girl, Ingrid gives Xavier access to a hover vehicle to distract the guards. Thysson tries to get Nina out, but they are stopped by Darryl Smith. Xavier is recaptured and Thysson is knocked out. Smith delivers the girl in the body bag to Bastion; Bastion claims he takes no pleasure in this. On board the helicopter meant to dispose of the body, the soldier notes that the body bag is empty.

The next day, Thysson tells Xavier that she’s been transferred. She assumes that the little girl mentally controlled them, but a phone appears out of thin air. It seems that Renee has picked up Nina, and that Nina also has the power to appear dead and lifeless. Charles is happy and tells Nina to find more people like herself. Nina ends the issue by telling Renee that one day she is going to turn Charlie back on.

How It Was: Well, let’s get to the huge, gaping problem. This issue is called Onslaught: Epilogue, yet it has absolutely nothing to do with Onslaught whatsoever. In reality, it should’ve been called Operation Zero Tolerance: Prologue, but I guess Marvel was eager to keep cashing in on their super-mega crossover. Really, this is the type of issue that belonged in X-Men Unlimited, and it was most likely editorially mandated. As it is, it offers up an interesting twist on Xavier’s fate, and it offers some cool sequences where the Professor gets to calmly stand up to the bully Bastion. As a Xavier character piece, it’s actually quite good at exploring his feelings of hopelessness and his desires at redemption, all while constantly frustrating Bastion.

But then there’s Nina the Mannite, who is an overly cutesy overpowered plot device. She seems to have about a million powers, from phasing to telepathy to dropping her heartbeat, but for some reason she hasn’t escaped Bastion up to this point. Yeah, she’s a little girl, but she can materialize phones and block security systems, so what the heck is her hold up? Believe it or not Nina actually appears quite a bit later down the line, so you have that to look forward to, don’t you?

As for the rest, I like Xavier as Bastion’s prisoner, but the circumstances under his imprisonment are a little iffy. Henry Gyrich, who isn’t supposed to be a bad guy, just one who doesn’t question rules often enough, seems pretty oblivious to the fact that Bastion is mistreating a voluntary prisoner for no particular good reason. Shouldn’t he and Thysson be reporting Bastion, I mean he’s planning on annihilating an entire race? And shouldn’t Renee contact the X-Men to tell them what’s going on? Oh well. While the plot isn’t spectacular and the new characters are less than compelling, Hama does an admirable job with the internal and external struggles of Professor X, even if it is in a story that’s hard to really care about. This story definitely didn’t warrant its own one-shot, but what are you going to do?

D+

X-Men '96 Annual

2011-09-21T18:54:00.001-04:00

X-Men ’96 Annual
Writing: Larry Hama
Art: Roberto Flores and Anthony Castrillo

What Went Down: After the Onslaught crossover, the X-Men have decided to hold a cookout/get together with the members of X-Force and Generation X. The issue starts with them playing a friendly game of baseball. Storm is about to come in for a grand slam when the group spots a Sentinel and attacks it. The Sentinel doesn’t put up much of a fight and slams into some nearby powerlines. The robot claims that it was on its way to warn the heroes; it turns out it was an unarmed surveillance unit that learned to feel because of its advanced computer processor. After Onslaught took over the Sentinels, it broke away and managed to observe Xavier turning himself over to Val Cooper in X-Men #57. It’s about to warn humanity about some great threat before shutting down.

Jubilee stares right into the robot’s eyes as it dies; it tells everyone that it’s afraid. Jubilee feels sad because they killed a sentient being, and it reminds her of the Sentinels that learned to feel in Wolverine #73-74. Cable mentions that it was a robot programmed to hunt mutants, and he and Wolverine break into a fight about how not empathetic Cable is. The fight spreads to the various teammates, but Cyclops breaks it up and tells everyone how important it is that they stay together. Storm brings up honoring Professor X’s teachings, and Caliban makes an awkward speech about Professor X loving all of them.

The next sequence takes place at the pool as Cannonball tries to videotape the various heroes lounging around; most of the X-crew harass him or tell him to blow off. After falling into the pool, Joseph offers to help Cannonball, but the youth acts skittish around him because of his past as Magneto. Later the teams cook up some food and there is a three-page sequence that involves a ping-pong ball landing in potato salad and getting sucked clean…no, really. Domino also tells the girls of Gen-X that they are going to need to grow up fast. The members of X-Force ask Cannonball about Wolverine’s ordeal that resulted in him killing Genesis. Wolverine apologizes to Cable for killing Genesis, who was really his son Tyler, and the two share a beer.

Later all three teams gather for a group photo; Gateway even shows up for the picture. A bunch of energy users are flown up into the air for a fireworks show. Jean and Cable offer to join all the mutants in a superficial telepathic mind-meld to share all the positive feelings between teammates without revealing any personal secrets. Nobody refuses the mind-meld, and the mutants go inside after it’s done.

How It Was: Well the cover promises “sixty-four pages of all-out X-Men action,” and…it’s a complete and utter lie. Really there are like two pages of all out action, and the other sixty-two pages are the various members of the X-Men, X-Force, and Generation X participating in summer activities and talking about any recent storylines that Larry Hama has taken part in, i.e. Onslaught and the Wolverine/Genesis fight. The Sentinel fight is very brief and inconsequential; we never find out what the robot was warning them about (probably something to do with Operation: Zero Tolerance), Jubilee cries over it and brings up a two year old story from Wolverine, and then everyone literally forgets about it like it was nothing. It’s pretty bad when the characters themselves don’t even care enough to follow up on lazy plotting.

The rest of the book is just the various X-characters hanging out and talking, and it gets pretty dull. Granted Hama has a cast of about thirty mutants in this book, and he manages to keep their voices unique and give each of them something to say or do. But most of this is reiterating recent plot points, like that Joseph and Gambit don’t get along, or that everyone is sad that the heroes died during Onslaught.

Wolverine does apologize to Cable for killing his son, so that feels pretty significant, but the rest of this is just fluff. Adequately written fluff mind you, but fluff nonetheless. Then again, it is kind of nice to see the characters get a chance to be less serious, since the last couple of years have been Legacy Virus, Age of Apocalypse, and Xavier going insane. It’s just too much doing nothing, and a lot of it is humor that misfires: like why is Monet so disgusted that the ping-pong ball fell in potato salad? It’s just potato salad; it’s perfectly okay to eat, isn’t it. Plus it always irks me that Excalibur doesn’t get invited since there are a lot of former X-Men on that team; X-Factor makes a little more sense since Sabretooth and Mystique are members of that team, but it’s still a sad state of affairs when you have to pick and choose who you have at your X-Reunion. All in all it has a few moments, but it is really unnecessary unless you’re a huge fan of super heroes having fun in the sun.

D

Uncanny X-Men #338

2011-09-15T12:18:00.001-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #338
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira and Salvador Larroca

What Went Down: Archangel is laid up in the fetal position on the floor in pain. He is visited by Ozymandias, servant of Apocalypse. Ozymandias explains that Warren’s transformation into Archangel was only the beginning of Apocalypse’s greater plan. As Warren screams, his metal wings shatter, revealing his original organic feather wings.

In the Danger Room the X-Men are running tests on Joseph that involve measuring his responses to a simulation of the original X-Men battling Magneto. Joseph is taken aback by the old Magneto’s anger, but he has no connection to it, just emptiness. Jean takes this as a good sign, but Joseph worries that he may repeat his sins if he cannot remember them. Joseph asks Scott and Jean why the X-Men have taken him in after he has spent so many years trying to kill them as Magneto. Gambit and Jean explain that Xavier instilled in them the belief that no one is beyond redemption.

Psylocke takes the time to show up by teleporting through the shadows. Since she’s never done this before, all of the other X-Men are surprised, but she doesn’t seem to understand. She tells the X-Men that Archangel is missing and shows them one of the feathers that she found.

Warren finds himself drawn to a church in Brooklyn for reasons beyond his understanding. Inside the church, the Legacy-infected Pyro is in a confessional talking to a priest about needing to warn someone about a mysterious woman.

At a Graydon Creed rally in San Diego, Iceman, aka Robert Drake, has infiltrated Creed’s staff under the alias…sigh, Drake Roberts. He encounters J.Jonah Jameson of the Daily Bugle who tells him off for having his candidate prey on people’s fears and prejudices for votes. Drake is suitably impressed with Jameson and runs into another campaign employee, Carly Alverez. She introduces Iceman to Samson Guthry, who is really the X-Man Cannonball aka Sam Guthrie…groan.

The X-Men are assembled in the Blackbird on their way to help Warren, who bursts out of the now-flaming church’s window carrying the priest. His wings surprise all the X-Men, but they don’t have time to question him. Pyro has lost control of his powers because of the Legacy Virus. Joseph uses his powers to restrain Pyro in metal, and threatens to crush him if he does not stop. Wolverine scolds Joseph for threatening someone with a terminal disease. Pyro tries to explain about a group that has big plans, but the ground sucks him up, most probably because of the mutant Avalanche. The X-Men ponder Pyro’s fate, and the priest chimes in that he has finally found peace. Archangel worries about why he has his old wings back and how this plays into Apocalypse’s plans.

How It Was: Tell me if you’re sick of having me write this, but here we have another potentially interesting plotline that gets all but abandoned completely. I can respect that Lobdell is trying to do something different with a character that hasn’t had the spotlight all that much. Going off the setup from the end of Onslaught of a potential Apocalypse story, this seemed at the time that it might be going somewhere pretty good. But it doesn’t, and the plot point is all but dropped until the 2000s in the new X-Force series. Oh well. The overt symbolism of the church doesn’t really help matters that much; we get it, he’s an angel, he’s reborn, yadda yadda yadda. But there is an interesting bit with Pyro that sets up some future storylines…in X-Factor. Yes this a period of time where events were happening in the completely wrong X-books, as if you couldn’t tell by stories like the Beast being rescued in X-Factor during Onslaught.

Speaking of which, the Graydon Creed subplot has taken a turn for the stupid with Iceman and Cannonball infiltrating under the stupidest aliases in comics’ history. Spider-Man’s Jameson is still hanging around for some reason decrying the tactics of Graydon Creed. I get that Jameson’s character is supposed to have a lot of integrity when he’s not dealing with his most-hated Spider-Man, but is he really the right choice to be preaching for tolerance and open-mindedness? Also, it’s a little vague what Cannonball and Iceman are supposed to be doing. Are they protecting Creed, trying to dig up dirt, sabotaging the campaign? They just don’t seem to have any purpose. And I’m pretty sure that the X-Men already know that Graydon Creed is the son of Sabretooth and Mystique, so isn’t it about time to start making that information known?

The fight with Pyro is okay, if brief. I like that Joseph uses less than kosher methods to get Pyro to stop, even if he was bluffing, but it feels really out of character for Wolverine to be the one chastising him. Psylocke’s new powers are well-handled, but the thought of more changes to Psylocke makes me want to jump off a bridge; I’m not excited for this at all. This is a really great issue for Joseph and the rest of the X-Men as far as building him up as a believable member of the team. While Rogue’s absence is strange, I like seeing him interact with the other members, and it is interesting to see him interact with his own dark history. This is par for the course for a Scott Lobdell comic; the character work is great, but the plot structure leaves a lot to be desired as most of it goes nowhere or becomes forgotten.

B-

X-Men #57

2011-09-15T12:17:00.000-04:00

X-Men #57
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: In Cerebro, which I thought was still damaged but whatever, Xavier is asking the computer to locate himself. Because Xavier no longer has powers the computer cannot detect him. Xavier has Cerebro delete all files on Professor X, including the ones in Massachusetts, Muir Isle, and the Mutant Underground. The mansion is still fairly damaged and Xavier reflects on the destruction while looking at old photos of the original X-Men.

The doorbell rings and Cyclops answers it to find Val Cooper standing there. Cyclops asks about his brother, but Havok is still missing after turning evil. She has actually come to take Professor X into custody. Cyclops, Wolverine, and Bishop are not eager to allow that. They walk past Iceman and Cannonball, who are watching video of Graydon Creed’s speeches in preparation to go undercover in his camp. Cyclops reasserts that Xavier isn’t going anywhere, but Storm shows up to explain that Cooper is right because no one can guarantee that something like Onslaught will never happen again.

Outside in Washington Square Park, Beast is enjoying a beautiful day while using an image inducer to hide his appearance. A young child runs by pretending to be a mutant monster, which spoils Hank’s good mood. Beast is meeting up with his ex-girlfriend Trish Tilby. It seems that during his time spent as a captive of Dark Beast, Hank realized that Trish was the love of his life. Even though he felt betrayed by the Legacy story, he realized he overreacted. They embrace, even though she doesn’t give him a definite answer.

Back at the mansion, Jean shows up and tells the team that she agrees with turning Xavier over, since she was in Xavier’s mind while he was being influenced by Onslaught and did not enjoy it one bit. Val turns the TV to the news to show the destruction to the city and the vigils people are giving for the Avengers and the Fantastic Four. This goes a long way toward proving her point.

In Manhattan, J. Jonah Jameson thinks back to when he saw Storm and Cannonball during the beginning of the Onslaught event. Bastion shows up to their meeting and tells Jameson that he should stop the inquiries he is making. Jameson tells him not to bother intimidating him. Bastion threatens that he knows a lot about the publisher, so Jameson throws his wallet at him to prove his point.

Back at the mansion Joseph shows up to weigh in on the debate. He thinks that they are seeking to punish Xavier for something he did not do. Val doesn’t recognize Joseph. Quicksilver also chimes in with his opinion. Xavier shows up to quell the debate and agrees to turn himself over to learn more about the threat he represents. Joseph feels guilty because once again he is to be left blameless, but Xavier insists that it is a second chance for him. He gives a speech thanking the X-Men for their loyalty and patience, but says he owes it to the perished heroes to do what he feels is best. Back at Archangel’s loft, Psylocke finds it empty. When she searches for Warren, all she finds are feathers.

How It Was: Well after the X-Men got their crossover stolen from them by the other Marvel Heroes, it left them without much of a direction to go in. Plus afterwards, Scott Lobdell was once again left with two monthly X-Men titles to fill. He goes the understandable route of having the books basically make up one bi-weekly story in individual increments. Fair enough. This issue is spent dealing with what should happen to Professor X after Onslaught. This is a fair question and Lobdell uses all the characters to cover just about every possible side of the debate. While there are different factors to consider, it basically boils down to the potential threat of Xavier versus how he was not purposefully responsible for the creation of Onslaught. Of course this means that once again we have an issue that is light on action. That’s okay, since Onslaught took forever, but Andy Kubert does feel the necessity to throw in some overwrought action poses of the X-Men acting hostile towards Val Cooper.

The Beast stuff is okay; it’s nice that Lobdell is still following up on his long captivity; it’s just that his relationship with Trish never really goes anywhere. It is yet another example of an X-Men subplot that seemed better in hindsight but never really developed. The sequences with Jameson and Bastion are just plain weird; I still can’t understand what he’s doing in this series, especially since Cannonball and Iceman are getting ready to go undercover. That seems redundant as far as looking through Creed’s dirty laundry goes.

Val Cooper carries the issue as the realist who hates what she’s doing but knows that it’s the right thing. Her use of the news allows a nice glimpse of the effects of Onslaught, and it’s cool to see her stand her own against the likes of Wolverine. It’s a shame that Kubert drew her hair wrong and it had to be covered up with a dialogue balloon about the summer frizzes, but oh well. Xavier also shines in this issue with his speech at the end; it’s nice to see him jump at the chance to have purpose again after losing his powers. I don’t really understand the point of deleting all his files, maybe something Lobdell was going to build on? But it’s nice to see one last issue show how important Professor X is to the X-Men before he’s shipped out of the book.

B

Uncanny X-Men #337

2011-09-15T12:15:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #337
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Wolverine starts off the issue outside in the rain trying to give Professor X a much-needed pep talk. Xavier blames himself for Onslaught and the death of the all the Avengers and Fantastic Four. Wolverine tells Charles that he shares the blame, since Xavier was influenced by Magneto because he was reacting to Wolverine’s loss of adamantium. Wolverine sympathizes with Xavier’s condition, even though Charles insists that their losses are nothing alike.

In Central Park, site of the final battle with Onslaught, Bastion is surveying the crater where Onslaught blew up. Presidential Candidate Graydon Creed is also there, blaming mutants for the tragedy and using it as a springboard for his campaign. Peter Parker, aka Spider-Man, feels disgusted as he is forced to take pictures of Creed while he rants. At the Daily Bugle, J. Jonah Jameson and Robbie Robertson are discussing Creed’s campaign. Robbie thinks that Creed is a lowbrow politician that will say anything to get elected, but Jameson insists that he sells papers and may be the biggest story of the year.

At the X-Mansion, Cyclops shuts off his alarm clock by destroying it with an optic blast. He realizes he overreacted and reflects on how tense life has been for the X-Men. Beast surprises Cyclops in the bathroom causing him to drop his glasses and let loose another blast. Beast brings up the fact that Cyclops never once attacked the imposter Beast while he was being held captive. Scott apologizes, but Beast admits that he had been absorbed in his lab work for the most part. Cyclops gets Beast out of the bathtub, only to have Iceman trick them both into falling back in. Cyclops blasts the mirror and reflects a shot that hits Bobby.

Jean is making breakfast for all of the X-Men. Quicksilver is sitting with her; he is staying with the X-Men while he mopes about the death of his wife Crystal and sister the Scarlet Witch. Psylocke shows up, but tells Jean that Archangel isn’t feeling well. Quicksilver comments on how distant Betsy seems.

Bastion enters the secret base of Operation Zero Tolerance. His assistant Harper gives him an update, but shapeshifts into Bastions form to give it. Bastion slaps him and tells him to get back to work. Wolverine gives Xavier a speech about how important he is to everyone, but Charles insists on staying outside. The rest of the X-Men gather for breakfast. Gambit asks about Joseph, who went out with Rogue because he did not feel comfortable with the other X-Men. Wolverine comes in from the rain and tells everyone that Xavier isn’t coming. The team sits down to enjoy the meal together.

How It Was: It’s one of Lobdell’s famous after-crossover epilogues, and this one is pretty solid. As usual it’s a nice quiet issue where different characters take time to process the events of the crossover while the writers set up some new storylines for later down the road. Given the nature of the end of Onslaught, nobody really knows how to act and everyone is on edge. It’s good to see Wolverine reach out to Xavier (even if it is the goofy looking troll-Wolverine) and draw a number of parallels between the two, and Joe Mad draws a great rainy morning. On top of that, the cover for this issue is easily one of Madureira’s best and most appropriate covers ever.

The scenes with Cyclops, Beast, and Iceman feel pretty forced, but whereas that would normally be a negative in a comic, it actually works well here. The fact is that everyone is so tense, and the heroes are just looking for a way to deal with their issues and just enjoy each other’s company again. Beast especially has just gone through this terrible ordeal, and it’s clear he doesn’t really have anyone to blame or anyway to really deal with it when everyone else is dealing with the loss of the heroes. Maybe it’s just me, but the tone feels just right, with characters like Iceman and Gambit going out of their way to try to be silly and funny. We also get subplot building with Psylocke’s personality, but that doesn’t really go anywhere, and haven’t we done enough with Psylocke’s weird personalities of the week?

As for the subplot building, they are three fold: there’s Graydon Creed’s presidential candidacy, Bastion’s buildup towards Operation Zero Tolerance, and a weird one involving J. Jonah Jameson’s investigation into Creed, and later Bastion. I say weird because it involves a lot of Spider-Man characters appearing in X-Men, but they never actually crossover. In fact, #346 ends up just starring Spider-Man for the whole issue, but we’ll have more on that later.

The fact is that because Lobdell is once again writing both X-Men titles, we’re going into a period of quality that was about as good as before Mark Waid showed up i.e. not very good. This period lasts for about a year, and unfortunately all of these plot lines sort of fizzle out or abruptly end. There’s also Joseph, the new X-Man who was once Magneto to deal with, so that’s kind of interesting. I just want you to brace yourselves for some comics that are not among Lobdell’s best. Still, this one is pretty good and perfectly captures a shell-shocked family trying to return to life before the trauma. Xavier’s reactions feel quite genuine, and it’s nice to see all of the other X-Men going out of their ways to help each other.

B+

Onslaught: Marvel Universe

2011-09-07T17:49:00.000-04:00

Onslaught: Marvel Universe
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Mark Waid
Art: Adam Kubert and Joe Bennet

What Went Down: The Watcher (yes, again with the Watcher) opens the issue after the final battle, speaking about the end of the Age of Wonders. He also claims that his job is done, but we all know that isn’t true. We cut back to Xavier facing off against Onslaught from the end of X-Men #56. Because he has no powers, Xavier isn’t doing too well. The X-Men show up, knock Onslaught away, and rescue Xavier. Onslaught makes a giant hand out of rock to attack the mutants, then blasts them into submission. Fortunately the combined forces of the Avengers, Fantastic Four, Dr. Doom, and the Hulk show up for the rescue.

The fight begins and Joseph is knocked unconscious by some debris. Xavier crawls to him and gets Joseph behind cover. Inside Onslaught, Franklin and Nate Grey discuss possibly escaping. Outside, Iron Man explains that everyone is equipped with psi-scramblers, even though nobody is seen wearing them. Cyclops claims that the X-Men are protected by Cable and Jean, even though Onslaught is supposed to be more powerful than everyone. Onslaught erects a force shield and creates a…wait for it…second sun in the sky whose gravity threatens to destroy the Earth. In practice, all it does is make the battle really windy.

Nate Grey reflects that a five-year-old kid is braver than he is. He reaches out to Cable since they share a connection as the same person from different dimensions. Cable senses them and concocts a plan to use Joseph, Xavier, and himself to magnify each other’s powers to save Franklin and Nate. Doom gives a long monologue about how it’s up to him to save the day while various secondary characters of the Marvel Universe see the second sun and wonder if the world is going to end.

Here’s how the heroes get through Onslaught’s forcefield. Vision merges with Rogue, which isn’t his power—he’s supposed to just turn intangible. Wolverine pierces the field, with his bone claws mind you, and Namor and Giant-Man hold the hole upon for Vision/Rogue to fly through and hit Onslaught, which appears ineffective, but destroys the force field nonetheless.

The Hulk asks Jean to shut off Banner so that he can lose control on Onslaught and go all out. She leaves the memory of Betty Ross, but turns Hulk savage. He and Onslaught beat each other while the forces of nature rip the area around the heroes apart. Hulk hits Onslaught so hard that a huge explosion occurs, destroying Onslaught and separating Banner from the Hulk.

The heroes think they’ve won, but Onslaught has just “evolved” into his final energy form. Without a body to fight, the heroes figure that the energy needs a physical vessel to destroy. Thor flies in first, followed by all the other heroes of the Marvel Universe in varying groups. Inside Onslaught, the area the prisoners are in is starting to break down.

Mr. Fantastic stops Wolverine, Crystal, and Quicksilver from going in the energy. He explains that because Onslaught was unaffected by Rogue’s attack, that mutant genetic patterns give him more power because he began life as a mutant. Of course, then he has to make some plot convenient excuse for the Scarlet Witch related to her powers, but there you have it. Quicksilver is saddened, but relieved that his wife will be spared, but she tells him that Richards said nothing about Inhumans, and runs into the void.

Doom tries to absorb some of Onslaught’s energy to use in a later plot, but Hawkeye and Iron Man stop him and send him into the void with them. Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman are the last non-mutant heroes; they tell Cyclops to attack the energy as soon as they’re in and not to hold back. There is a huge explosion, and Bruce Banner gets sucked into the Void right as it’s happening. Xavier and Joseph are also able to save Nate and Franklin right as the explosion takes place. As the heroes die, Franklin uses his vast, plot convenient powers to create a pocket universe for their spirits to go to, thus creating the Heroes Reborn Universe for the Image relaunch. From the perspective of news reporters outside, the world at large believes that the X-Men betrayed the other heroes and killed them, which causes further hatred towards mutants in future X-Men arcs. Professor X consoles Franklin about the death of his family, and we see a blue ball in the grass that is actually the pocket universe itself. No, really, there is an entire universe in that young boy’s ball.

Professor X asks Nate Grey to take him above the rooftops to survey the damage. Nate is really impressed with the heroes, and wishes he could’ve learned more from them. Going back to Uatu, it turns out he wasn’t just narrating to nobody; he was still talking with Apocalypse. Apocalypse agrees that it is an impressive story, but also realizes with so many heroes dead it is the perfect time to try to conquer the world himself.

How It Was: Well it’s finally over, and unlike the majority of this crossover, significant events actually take place. There’s some big action scenes, a surprising detail to characters and relationships, and it really captures the grand scope of the Marvel Universe’s New York. And while there are definitely a lot of issues with the story structure in general, I have to say that there are enough really good moments to outweigh some of them. Quite simply, this absolutely feels like it affects the entirety of the Marvel Universe, and it really does…for the following year. Waid’s script manages to catch most of the character beats that longtime FF and Avengers fans want to see, from Quicksilver’s anguish over Crystal’s death to the forgiveness of Giant-Man and the Wasp. Seeing the Hulk fight Onslaught is pretty awesome, even though he’s only been a presence in his own title and an issue of Cable. Yes, it gets a little schmaltzy and emotional at times, but the heroes are aware that they are literally sacrificing their lives for the world, so it works. Unlike many gratuitous character deaths for shock value in events, this one feels handled with love and respect as the writers go out of their way to show them as noble and heroic as they can.

So as usual, the handling of the characters is fantastic. Where does it go wrong? Well there are far too many characters in this book to be fighting just one villain. Yes Onslaught is supposed to be this cosmic level bad guy, but whereas characters like Dark Phoenix and Galactus have specific abilities and powers, Onslaught’s powers are just made up as the writers go along. Creating a second sun isn’t impressive, it’s just ridiculous, and while it’s handled as serious at the beginning, it really just gets ignored for the remainder of the issue. Then he creates an impenetrable forcefield. Oh wait, the heroes penetrated it, now he’s turned to energy. There is no real logic whatsoever to what Onslaught does; it’s all for the sake of editorially mandated plot convenience. Certain heroes have to end up in Heroes Reborn and others can’t. Thus we get the absurd rule that mutants can’t fight Onslaught, except for Scarlet Witch, and Namor, who the writers and editors forgot is also a mutant. Also, Cannonball, Archangel, and Psylocke are missing for no particularly good reason, but it’s not like their inclusion would have mattered much.

Which brings us to the real problem with this issue, with this whole series in general. It’s an X-Men story where the X-Men have been completely pushed to the side to spotlight the Avengers and Fantastic Four in order to justify a gimmicky relaunch of four of their titles. The X-Men start off the issue on their own, but quickly get overshadowed by the real heroes. Even Xavier and Joseph, who should theoretically have something really significant to contribute since they were the genesis of the villain, get nothing to do except rescue some prisoners. I do like the angle that humans view the X-Men as traitors at the end of the story, but surely the X-Men could just explain the circumstances to people. I guess they were worried that people would learn Xavier was Onslaught, but there probably was a way around it. And what the heck happened to Onslaught’s mutant armies and Sentinels?

The art captures the story quite nicely, but like everything else with Onslaught, inconsistencies abound. The psi-armor that was made such a huge deal out of for issues on end isn’t even drawn on the heroes, and the X-Men decide they don’t even need it. Trish Tilby is drawn completely wrong, and the everyday people of New York are drawn just going about their lives while the battle is raging. Haven’t Sentinels been attacking New York? Wasn’t there a huge EMP that took out all the power in the city? Why is Foggy Nelson just out buying groceries with Karen Page while the writers at the Bugle are just going to work like usual? Shouldn’t they evacuate? I don’t know, maybe I’m just thinking too hard about this.

While I was expecting to hate rereading this issue, I have to say it is more of a mixed bag than pure garbage. Parts of it are very, very stupid, like a little boy creates an entire universe with his imagination and puts it in a blue ball stupid. But there are some undeniably cool parts for the Marvel heroes, even if it does come at the expense of the X-Men. Sure, running into a ball of energy isn’t exactly the most stunning personal sacrifice to be depicted in comics, but this does end up feeling really important. Plus it indirectly leads to the Heroes Return Avengers, which is one of my favorite comic series of all time (Go Buisek and Perez!). It could’ve been a lot worse, I guess, but it kind of, sort of holds up, though not completely.

C-

X-Men #56

2011-09-07T17:46:00.001-04:00

X-Men #56
Writing: Mark Waid and Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: A giant Sentinel foot descends on a mother and child, but fortunately Joseph and Rogue show up to save the day. Joseph uses his powers to stop the Sentinel, but it adapts and swats him out of the sky. Rogue tries to help, but it is Dr. Doom who saves them both. Doom addresses Joseph as Magneto, and Joseph relates his impressions of Doom to Captain America. Cap reiterates that Joseph is doing a good job as a hero and tells him that really he should be talking with Xavier.

In Onslaught’s citadel, Onslaught’s forces have captured Nate Grey, the X-Man from the Age of Apocalypse. Nate mentions that he has beaten all of Onslaught’s minions, causing the villain to contemplate their worth. Onslaught explains that Nate’s psionic powers make him stronger and that he will use them to usher in an age of mutant sovereignty.

Xavier talks with Joseph about how they both share some blame in the origin of Onslaught. They have a good talk about the man Magneto used to be, and Xavier sends Joseph to the hero strategy meeting. The Professor claims that he will fight Onslaught in his own way.

Inside Nate’s mind, Onslaught sees images of the Age of Apocalypse. He’s quite disappointed with how a world run by mutants turned out, even though it was really a world run by Apocalypse. Onslaught reconsiders his plans for mutant rule.

Inside the strategy meeting, the heroes are getting ready to attack. Jean telepathically communicates with Cyclops that the Professor has gone off to fight Onslaught himself. Cyclops tells Jean to summon the rest of the X-Men in secret to go after him.

After absorbing Nate Grey’s power, Onslaught throws him in with Franklin Richards. Onslaught senses Xavier and goes to meet him below. Xavier tries to reason with Onslaught, imploring him on behalf of any part of Xavier that might still be in the villain. Onslaught smashes Charles’ hoverchair and announces that he has decided to kill everyone since neither race deserves the planet.

How It Was: This is both the penultimate chapter of the Onslaught crossover (Thank God) and Mark Waid’s swan song on the book (Aw Crud). Waid had been voicing concerns about editorial mandates restricting creative freedom for quite some time. Plus, after having to write the stories that meant his leaving Avengers and Captain America, I don’t think he was a very happy camper, and rightfully so. So, like Fabian Nicieza before him, Waid ends his run on X-Men…after only six issues. In fact, he’s only credited with the script on this one.

So how does this one measure up? More of the same; heroes fighting Sentinels, Onslaught alluding to his master plan to save mutants that makes no sense, and heroes standing around and talking about how awful this all is (the destruction mind you, not the story). Unlike most penultimate issues of stories, this one has absolutely no momentum; it doesn’t really feel like it’s building towards anything special, just the main fight with Onslaught that we’ve been waiting three freaking months for. There’s a lot of talk about the psi-armor being finished, but it was already finished issues ago, so this is mostly padding.

The plot is virtually non-existent. There are some scenes of the captive Nate Grey, captured in his own series, who was needed for Onslaught’s master plan…for some reason? Really we already knew that Onslaught had targeted Nate Grey from the first chapter of this story, so it is mind boggling why the writers waited until now for him to show up because it certainly isn’t a big surprise before the end of the story. Also having Onslaught change motivations at the last minute seems rather silly; he’s been ranting the whole series about how he’s helping mutantkind, even though it’s completely unclear how he’s doing that, and then at the last second he sees the Age of Apocalypse and decides to destroy the planet. No, I’m sorry there is just no logic or sense to back up that plan at all. And Doom shows up out of nowhere, which is kind of neat, but he doesn’t really contribute anything to the overall story; he’s only here to get sucked into the Heroes Reborn world next issue.

So what does work? Well, the dialogue from Waid is spectacular; these are seriously some superb interactions between characters. Whether it’s Joseph and Cap bonding over the sheer absurdity that is Doom’s personality, to Xavier’s thoughtful deconstruction of his friend Magneto, all of the characters ring true in their exchanges. The art is pretty fantastic, even if this is the zillionth Onslaught issue Marvel has put out involving fighting Sentinels. While the characterizations are great, I can’t really understand a lot of the behaviors different characters choose. Xavier’s decision doesn’t make much sense, unless they’re going for an Xavier that feels so guilty that he can’t live with the repercussions of Onslaught, which actually would be an interesting take on the character. And I can’t understand why Cyclops doesn’t just tell all of the heroes that they need to go rescue Xavier. Surely they have a better chance of surviving with more people, and don’t they need that fancy psi-armor? Apparently not as we learn in the conclusion.

While there is some good writing to be found, this story is still poorly organized at this point, which is just about the end. It’s not just that there are too many characters; it’s the fact that nothing compelling has happened in any of the issues to impact the story. Everyone is writing character side stories, which is fine, except that nobody has bothered to write the main story. Thankfully, next month things get back to normal, because while there were some nice moments, this just isn’t that great. Although I will say that this is above average for an issue of Onslaught.

B-

Wolverine #105

2011-09-07T17:44:00.000-04:00

Wolverine #105
Writing: Larry Hama
Art: Val Semeiks

What Went Down: Wolverine starts the issue with a splash page (no pun intended) of him being hosed down. Well, he’s not entering a wet t-shirt contest. He’s actually getting ready to run into a burning building to rescue a little boy. When Wolverine jumps off the ladder to save him, the boy runs back into the fire to save his teddy bear. The roof starts to collapse, so Wolverine and the boy can’t make it out the way he entered. To calm the boy named Sean, Wolverine puts his mask on him to convince him that he’s a super hero and can’t die.

Elektra’s sensei Stick just happens to show up. Since he is blind, he has no problems leading Wolverine through the smoke. The escape involves having Wolverine leap through a huge wall of flames. After healing from some horrible burns, Wolverine runs back into the building to try to save Stick. He is thanked with a crack on the head.

Stick fights Wolverine on the roof of the burning building. Wolverine reveals that he knows who Stick is and that Stick should be dead. Stick then goes through a whole explanation about how Wolverine hasn’t been the same since he lost the adamantium and how he needs to pull himself together. As the roof collapses, Stick points to an area in the smoke and tells Wolverine that he’ll survive if he jumps there. The Human Torch appears at the end telling Wolverine to meet them at Four Freedoms Plaza for the final battle with Onslaught.

How It Was: Once again we have another Onslaught issue that is not about Onslaught. And to tell you the truth, that’s fine at this point since nobody is allowed to progress the story anyways. Instead we have our hero saving some civilians caught up in the destruction. Ignoring that the firemen’s trucks shouldn’t be working after the EMP, this issue has a perfectly fine set up. It’s nice to see Wolverine interact with the small child, and there is a kind of cute part where the victims he saves can’t remember his name. All fine and very competent. On the other hand, it does feel a little generic, as in you could take out Wolverine and put any other Marvel hero in this story and it would still work.

Stick’s appearance comes out of nowhere, especially due to the fact that he’s supposed to be dead. I understand Elektra, his disciple, is supposed to be helping Logan through his recent changes, but Stick’s own help feels redundant. What makes it worse is that Stick is kind of a jerk to Wolverine after he goes back to help the old man, and all the advice he gives to Wolverine is stuff that we already know he needs to do at this point. All I can say is that I really don’t care about Stick at all and he feels so out of place here. Wolverine is out doing what he should be doing, there’s no real need to do the chastising mentor bit right now. At least Wolverine’s speech patterns are back to normal.

It’s not bad, it just feels like Hama is stalling until he can get back to his own storylines. The appearance by the Human Torch at the end serves only as a reminder of how little is going on at this point as all the heroes are pretty much just gathering for the final issue.

C-

Fantastic Four #416

2011-09-07T17:43:00.000-04:00

Fantastic Four #416
Writing: Tom DeFalco
Art: Carlos Pachco

What Went Down: Dr. Doom’s servant begins by explaining to his master the Onslaught storyline up to this point, including the capture of Franklin and the EMP. Doom declares that this situation requires his personal attention.

At Four Freedoms Plaza, a number of heroes are trying to rest in between going out and fighting Sentinels. The Invisible Woman finds some of Franklin’s toys and feels depressed. Ant-Man, who is working for the FF at this point, regains consciousness, but he is too weak from the EMP frying his helmet, and because of it, part of his brain. The Beast also brings up the fact that he was recently rescued over in X-Factor. Mr. Fantastic’s father Nathaniel tells Sue that the FF need to flee or they will die; he knows this because he is a time traveler who has seen the future. Sue refuses without Franklin, and she goes off with her husband to have a talk.

Inside Onslaught, Franklin is using his powers to send projections to warn his family where he is. It is explained that he was tricked into luring Nate Grey into a trap over in Nate’s book X-Man. On the roof of FF Plaza, Hawkeye and Iceman complain about how boring recon is. Inside, Sue and Reed have a conversation about whether they’ve neglected their responsibility to their son by putting him in danger all the time. Mr. Fantastic swears they will figure it out after they defeat Onslaught.

The Thing contemplates how alone he is as he watches the Torch and Lyja talk alone; Ben has a crush on Lyja at this point. Alicia Masters and her father the Puppet Master show up to offer their help against Onslaught. In another room Ant-Man’s daughter Cassie Lang is busy talking with Kristoff Vernard, a twelve-year-old boy who had all of Dr. Doom’s knowledge and memories implanted in him. They discuss a friend of Cassie’s who was being abused, and Cassie says that he finally told a teacher and got help for him and his mother from his abusive father. Kang the Conqueror appears, but Kristoff punches him once and the Conqueror dissolves.

The Thing and Alicia talk, and he explains that recently he’s been utilizing a machine to change back and forth into a normal human. The couple is attacked by the Psycho-Man. Meanwhile Lyja explains that she has been posing as another woman to date Johnny without him knowing, but they are interrupted by Paibok and the Super-Skrull. Fortunately for them, the Inhumans show up to help in defeating the aliens. In another hall, Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman fight Wizard, Mad Thinker, and Devos the Devastator. Namor the Sub-Mariner turns up to help.

Nathaniel Richards is being attacked by the Red Ghost, but he is saved by the Black Panther and members of the Fantastic Force. Reed realizes what is happening—these enemies are really projections from Franklin warped by Onslaught, and he goes off to build a machine that can stop it (just like every other FF story you’ve ever read). She-Hulk appears to help out the Thing against Tyros the Terrible. Reed’s machine needs a power source, so the Thing pulls the power source from the machine that lets him turn back into a human.

Outside the Torch is fighting Annihilus and the Dragon Man, but Doctor Doom shows up to save him. Johnny thinks Doom is another adversary to fight at first. The Invisible Woman is attacked by her Malice persona, but Agatha Harkness appears to rescue her. Reed flips the switch on his machine and all the villains disintegrate. Sue tells Reed that Harkness claims Franklin is still alive, and everybody gets excited. Johnny shows up and tells everyone that Doom is now on their side. The team does the traditional hands in the middle pose, and the series ends on a spread of the FF and all their allies, old and new, ready for action.

How It Was: Groan…yet another double-sized issue. Yet this one doesn’t feel as extraneous since this is supposed to be the formal end to Marvel’s oldest and longest running comic (at the time). Poor Tom DeFalco had obviously been doing a fine job of setting up different subplots for his characters that all had to be hurriedly rushed to completion in time for the end of Onslaught. Cassie Lang’s friend who was being abused by his father is all wrapped up with two panels of exposition, the Torch just forgives Lyja for impersonating another woman because there isn’t any time for a different resolution, and Alicia Masters is wheeled out randomly to bring some closure to the ongoing ordeal of the Thing’s loneliness. This all feels really, really rushed. I will admit though that I do love the part where the Thing tears the power source out of his changing machine, not just because I feel the machine lessens the inherent drama of a great tragic character, but also because it’s just a really great example of Ben Grimm stepping up and being a hero.

As for the plot, well… this has absolutely nothing to do with Onsluaght, and it doesn’t really fit the tone of the other crossover books. Instead DeFalco seems more interested in giving the Fantastic Four a proper sendoff by going through a number of past villains and having a bunch of allies show up for absolutely no reason at all. And really, without Dr. Doom or Galactus as potential adversaries, this book is limited to some pretty weak villains, even before you add in the part about dissolving with one punch. Tyros the Terrible? Devos the Devastator? These really aren’t the strongest characters from Marvel’s back catalog. And the Inhumans show up completely out of nowhere. Some of the appearances are kind of neat, but there are just so many that none of them feel significant in any way. And of course it has to end with Reed flipping the Deus Machina switch to save the day, although this comes off more as an homage to tradition, rather than purposefully stale writing.

The other major problem with the plot only matters if you read Avengers #400, which came out two months prior to this issue. In it Loki uses magic to attack a team of past and present Avengers characters with artificial avatars of villains from throughout the team’s history. Does that sound in any way familiar? Now I’m not accusing DeFalco of blatant plagiarism, after all I’ve read similarly structured stories in Spider-Man and the X-Men, but it still isn’t a really a stupendous issue. Plus all the Avengers and X-Men are completely ignored for the sake of giving the FF a proper sendoff; Iceman and Hawkeye are shown observing the villains approaching, then they are never seen again for the entire double-sized issue.

Pacheco is perfect for drawing this kind of issue with lots and lots of different characters. If you want to see how good he gets at drawing giant epic scale battles, go buy Avengers Forever. Still, his Onslaught looks even more out of place now that he isn’t drawing the “evolved” version of the bad guy, although he’s not really in the issue long enough to care. The art definitely elevates the story above the shallow plot structure and hurried subplot wrap-ups that DeFalco is editorially forced to endure. It’s not an ideal ending for the team, especially in the middle of a larger storyline, but I guess it gets the job done.

C-

Avengers #402

2011-08-31T22:50:00.000-04:00

Avengers #402
Writing: Mark Waid
Art: Mike Deodato and Tom Palmer

What Went Down: The Avengers start out by rescuing a subway full of people trapped underground. Didn’t something similar already happen in Uncanny? Don’t worry about it! Once they get above ground, Captain America seems overwhelmed by the chaos around them, as buildings crumble and fires rage. The Avengers spend some time rescuing civilians and getting them to safety. They come across the Black Widow, technically the leader of the Avengers at this point, being mobbed by desperate people. Cap orders them away, and the Widow goes off to help more people.

Iron Man and Giant Man show up and tell the Avengers that they’ve completed the psionic armor. Unfortunately they’ve brought it with them, right as they are attacked by Post and Holocaust. The two villains are trying to steal the armor, and they have cloaking fields that render them invisible. While they fight the Avengers, the surrounding civilians begin to feel hopeless as the heroes are beaten. As the fight rages, Wasp asks Captain America what they should do; he replies that they can’t beat them. The Wasp is shocked to hear that Cap is giving up, but what Cap meant was that they couldn’t beat the villains head-on and needed to trick them. So Captain America throws his shield, triggers Post’s cloak, and tricks Holocaust into shooting him. While Holocaust is shocked by his actions, the Avengers beat the crap out of him. The crowd cheers, inspired by the Avengers’ victory. Onslaught appears on a giant screen to taunt the heroes. They destroy the screen and charge off, while saying “Avengers Assemble” of course.

How It Was: This is actually the last issue of the Avengers’ initial run. After the Onslaught storyline, the Avengers get shuffled off to the Heroes Reborn universe and the numbering starts over at issue one. So Mark Waid had the task of providing a closing to the Marvel Universe’s greatest heroes while making it fit within the Onslaught crossover. Oh, and he couldn’t resolve anything in the Onslaught storyline either. What we get is an issue of the Avengers doing what they do best, saving lives and inspiring people, followed by a fight with two C-list X-Men villains, which probably isn’t the conclusion Stan Lee would have envisioned 401 issues prior.

The story is okay, nothing spectacular. Mark Waid doesn’t even get a chance to wrap up any of the dangling sub plots his tenure as writer had set up (Kurt Buisek would handle them years later), and he also has the unpleasant duty of writing the issue that essentially makes his job obsolete. Black Widow gets brushed aside during the course of the story because she can’t go to Heroes Reborn; she’s needed in Daredevil and around the Marvel Universe. Vision is still lying on a bed off panel and Hawkeye is nowhere to be found, so they don’t get to be in the finale either. Come to think of it, while this Avengers roster consists solely of veterans, these are not the best versions of these characters. We have teenage Tony Stark/Iron Man, a Wasp who is an actual insect person, the poorly named Giant Man, and redesigns of classic costumes for characters like the Scarlet Witch and Thor that show how hard the Avengers Bullpen was trying to rip off the look of the X-Men.

So they’re rescuing civilians, which is fine except that the same thing is happening in every other Marvel book, and then they have to fight two villains that they have nothing to do with. The art is phenomenal and it really makes the issue. The battle is brutal as heroes are ambushed and thrown around. The mislead of the disheartened Captain America is a little contrived, but it’s not like Waid can really build drama any other way, since the plot isn’t allowed to proceed until Onslaught: Marvel Universe.

This is just a really odd issue to end the Avengers on. Waid definitely does his best, and at least the characters aren’t overshadowed in their own book as the X-Men have been in theirs’. Considering how bad the next year was for Avengers fans, this probably didn’t seem so bad, but it still feels like Earth’s Mightiest Heroes deserved better.

C+

Cable #35

2011-08-31T22:48:00.002-04:00

Cable #35
Writing: Jeph Loeb
Art: Ian Churchill

What Went Down: The opening page is an info dump setting up this point in the Onslaught storyline—brought to us by Uatu the Watcher. Down below Cable and the Invisible Woman are fighting against the psychic storm that is raging with her forcefield, which is being reinforced by his powers. Unfortunately, as Cable puts more effort into reinforcing the forcefield, he is losing control of the techno-organic virus that infects half his body. Sue offers her husband’s help, and Apocalypse shows up to tell them that Onslaught must be stopped. Of course this is a super hero comic, so Cable and Apocalypse have to fight each other for two pages before realizing that they have a common goal.

Apocalypse suggests attacking Onslaught on the Astral Plane because Onslaught draws power from it, so he therefore must be more vulnerable there (??). Cable agrees to the team up, but tells the Invisible Woman to stay behind in case they fail to rescue Franklin. As they travel the Astral Plane, Apocalypse expresses admiration for Onslaught’s accomplishments, disgusting Cable. Apocalypse offers to cure Cable of the T.O. virus that he infected him with when Cable was a child, but Cable refuses, saying it’s made him stronger.

In his citadel, Onslaught admires the destruction with Franklin Richards attached to his back. Onslaught discovers Apocalypse and Cable, which surprises Apocalypse, and summons projections of the Hulk, Post, and Magneto to attack the duo. Cable faces the Hulk projection, and thinks back to when he fought the real Hulk all the way back in the last issue of Cable. While Cable is distracted, Apocalypse makes his way to Franklin and apologizes for having to kill the boy. Cable tells the Invisible Woman to make her move and it turns out that she has been hiding the whole time waiting for Apocalypse to betray them. As Cable and Sue fight Apocalypse, Onslaught teleports them away. Apocalypse yells at the heroes, accusing them of being narrow minded and having cost them the battle. Apocalypse teleports away, and Cable comforts Susan as she thinks about how helpless her son is alone.

Apocalypse returns to Uatu’s side; Uatu proclaims his respect for the heroes’ principles while Apocalypse sees it only as weakness. Back at the Citadel, Franklin is inspired by the bravery of Cable and his mother, and now he has hope.

How It Was: After two issues of Uncanny to set it up, Apocalypse shows up to affect Onslaught’s conquest. Then he goes away, leaving an anti-climactic dullness in the reader’s brain. This is supposed to be the return of one of the X-Men’s greatest villains, one who hasn’t been seen for about three or so years in the main universe, and the Age of Apocalypse showed how great he could truly be. So it’s not the triumphant return that fans were expecting, but Loeb does still get quite a bit right

The interaction between Apocalypse and Cable is very solid. Loeb nails the mutual hatred and respect that each of these characters has for the other. The offer of a cure for the T.O. virus is the perfect example of a back-handed mind game that the villain would play on Cable. Their interactions are probably the highlight of the issue. The central conflict of the issue, whether it is better to kill Franklin and rob Onslaught of his power, is excellent because the way Loeb handles it, Apocalypse is technically right in his viciousness and Cable and Sue have endangered millions of lives because of their own selfishness and lack of foresight. Absolutely fantastic.

However things devolve very quickly once Onslaught enters the picture. First, it’s hard to tell whether the fight takes place on the Astral Plane or the physical plane; I think it is the physical since the word balloons change shape in the Astral Plane. Then they end up fighting uninteresting copies of existing villains, and it is really disappointing to see the Hulk back in this series so soon, especially a more shallow and boring version of the character. Also, inconsistencies continue to pop up as Ian Churchill draws the wrong version of Onslaught for this point in the crossover—it should be the evolved version from Uncanny #336. Plus, if Onslaught can make his enemies disappear at will, why doesn’t he just do it at the beginning?

There is a lot to praise about this book, but it is too bad that it begins the same way as it ends…with absolutely no new plot progression at all. In the end Franklin is still captive, Sue is still distraught, and Apocalypse leaves to go back to spectating with the Watcher. You can skip this issue and not miss anything important whatsoever. On top of that, the confrontation with Onslaught makes no sense, and he uses powers that never appear in any of the other issues of this crossover. It is a nice treat for Cable fans to see the protagonist forced to interact with his arch villain, but outside of that, this is for super collectors only.

B-

Uncanny X-Men #336

2011-08-31T22:47:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #336
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Franklin Richards is alone inside Onslaught with an unconscious Charles Xavier. He tries to wake the Professor up, but he can’t. Onslaught speaks to the boy and tells him that the boy will help conquer the world.

Apocalypse and Uatu the Watcher are hovering over Manhattan. They observe as people try to rescue each other from elevators and cops fire on Sentinels, all the while commenting on whether Onslaught is the next evolution of mutants. Outside Onslaught’s citadel, the Human Torch and Iceman are hiding behind an ice wall that is protecting them from the citadel’s defenses. Hawkeye joins them and they discuss rescuing young Franklin. Cyclops, Psylocke, Mr. Fantastic, and the Invisible Woman show up to get readings for the science team. Hawkeye asks Psylocke to help him free the wounded in the street (see Incredible Hulk this month) and the Invisible Woman stays behind with Iceman to try to save her son.

Joseph rescues some civilians trapped in a subway. They attack him, but Gambit knocks him out of the way. Gambit tries to explain that Joseph isn’t responsible for this, which impresses Rogue. Joseph goes off to end the threat, and Rogue and Gambit make up for their fight in X-Men #45 and hug it out.

At Four Freedoms Plaza, Vision, Iron Man, and Ant Man (??) were injured in the EMP and are recuperating. Mr. Fantastic uses Jean Grey as a sounding board for his thoughts, and Jean thinks about how inspiring he is since the creation of the FF marked the birth of the modern age of heroes (since Fantastic Four was the first of Marvel Comics’ Silver Age super hero titles). The Thing helps out a wounded Iron Man because Iron Man is determined to help no matter how weak he is.

Outside the citadel, Onslaught is producing energy and talking about how powerful he is becoming. Sue Storm wants to stop him, and Cyclops tries to stop her. She knocks him away, but Cable and Storm show up (after fighting the Hulk in his own title) to tell Sue that Cyclops knows what it’s like to have a son in danger.

Inside Onslaught, Xavier wakes up and comforts Franklin. He tells Franklin to be brave, and Onslaught takes the boy away to use him…for something. Outside, Joseph attacks Onslaught, and the villain opens his armor to reveal a trapped Xavier suffering. A group of heroes attack; Cable uses his powers to psionically enhance Joseph’s magnetic hold on Onslaught. Cyclops sees a crack in the armor and blasts it while the Invisible Woman pulls it open. Xavier notes that this allows himself to exist on the physical and psychic planes at the same time.

Thor bursts through Onslaught and rescues Xavier. Instead of defeating Onslaught, this causes him to laugh and change appearance even further. Apparently Xavier was holding Onslaught back, so now the villain is able to unleash a “psychic maelstrom” to beat back the heroes; essentially this is a big flamey forcefield thing that the heroes can’t penetrate. When asked to search for a sign of Franklin, Xavier informs everyone that he has lost his telepathic powers. In the sky, Uatu and Apocalypse talk about what is to be done next. Uatu shows Apocalypse a hologram of Cable and tells him that he knows what to do.

How It Was: Well first thing first, Joe Mad does not draw very impressive Sentinels, which is a big disappointment. But he does do a good job with all of the different heroes. And man, are there a lot of heroes. Lobdell does a decent job managing all of them, even though all they’re really doing is shuffling around until the final issue. Hawkeye and Psylocke show up just to leave, Iceman and Human Torch don’t do much. Lobdell doesn’t do a lot with the actual X-Men, although he does a good job displaying Sue Storm’s frustration and anguish, and Iron Man and the Thing get a nice little scene. Unfortunately, Lobdell’s handling of Joseph and Gambit is completely inconsistent with Mark Waid’s; while Waid had Gambit attacking Joseph and Joseph defending himself, Lobdell has Gambit acting sympathetic while Joseph blames himself. It’s just another sign of the disorganization of the Marvel Bullpen at this point. And I’d like to know how the Sentinels survived the EMP.

Actually Xavier and Franklin both get a brief chance to shine this issue as well. Lobdell manages to capture the fear and confusion a young boy would be going through, and it’s neat to see Xavier finding strength through the boy. The fight at the end is pretty cool, although it ends almost exactly like X-Men #55 ended, with an immense force from Onslaught pushing back all the heroes, and the heroes feeling hopeless because of it. I personally dislike having Onslaught as a separate entity since it seems like yet another ploy to absolve Xavier of guilt. Plus, you’d think that once Xavier is rescued, he might play a part in defeating what he created, but he doesn’t. At least we have a new plot development for X-Men with the loss of Xavier’s powers.

Once more we have lots of buildup and little payoff. Onslaught “evolves” but nothing changes because of it except for how he’s drawn. And Lobdell makes Apocalypse seem like he’s going to be a major player in the story, when all he’s going to do is show up in the next issue of this story and then disappear. So it still feels like nobody has really thought this through. This is a pretty mediocre Onslaught chapter made worse by the fact that most of the X-Men are pushed to the side by all of the guest heroes in the book. I’d like to say that Xavier’s rescue moves the story along, but really the plot is at the same place it’s been; Onslaught is more powerful than the heroes and the heroes need to figure out a way to stop Onslaught.

C

X-Men #55

2011-08-25T20:43:00.002-04:00

X-Men #55
Writing: Mark Waid
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: We open on an average citizen of New York waking up and opening his curtain to reveal a Sentinel staring right at him. It seems that Onslaught has found a way to reprogram the Sentinels to attack New York City, as opposed to just hunting mutants. The combined forces of the X-Men, Fantastic Four, and Avengers observe the chaos on a rooftop. Through conversation the characters fill each other in on the fact that Franklin Richards has been abducted, and Magneto has been discovered de-aged and with amnesia. Rogue tries to comfort Joseph, who feels guilty about causing Onslaught, while Gambit wonders if she can trust Joseph. The heroes split up with some of them going off to fight Sentinels while all the genius characters retreat to come up with some weaponry to fight against Onslaught.

In what I think is the Astral Plane, Onslaught is taunting young Franklin with Charlie—the illusion he used to capture the boy. Onslaught wants to use Franklin’s powers to alter reality in some way. Over the ocean, a group of X-Men are returning from Muir Island after having gotten the Xavier Protocols from Moira MacTaggert. The Xavier Protocols are instructions Xavier created that outline the weaknesses of all the X-Men, including Xavier himself. At Four Freedoms Plaza, the science team is examining the armor Mr. Fantastic’s father used to protect himself from Franklin’s powers. On the airplane Cyclops uncovers plans for psionic armor.

Throughout Manhattan we get panels of heroes beating the tar out of Sentinels. Rogue and Joseph are working together when Gambit destroys a Sentinel that was sneaking up on Joseph. Gambit blames Joseph for Onslaught, and the three argue until Iceman defeats another Sentinel behind them. Iceman points towards Central Park, where a huge citadel appears out of thin air, an effect of Franklin’s powers. Onslaught appears at the top with a monologue about the ascension of mutantkind.

The heroes move in to attack, but Onslaught lets out a giant EMP wave that knocks out all of the electricity in the city. It also causes a huge shockwave and takes out some of the heroes like Vision and Iron Man. Another unfortunate side effect is that it shorts out the Xavier Protocols, and causes the plane Cyclops and the rest are in to plummet out of the sky. Joseph raises some debris off the heroes, and everyone stands around looking defeated. The story ends with a page of Ozymandias carving a new sculpture of Onslaught that shows him evolving.

How It Was: This actually isn’t too bad when taken on its own. Waid has a lot of characters to deal with and does a good job of keeping them all from sounding the same. With Rogue’s return to the X-titles, he wastes no time establishing the Gambit/Rogue/Joseph triangle and handles it really well. The script balances the tension and hopelessness of the heroes, while Andy Kubert draws some awesome pictures of heroes beating up Sentinels. Kubert even manages to make the heroes standing around look awesome; I love how he draws the Human Torch, long shots of the city look awesome, and he totally sells the drama of the EMP blast sequence.

Characterization and art aside, this issue still suffers from the same problems all the other ones do. Many events that seem significant end up not mattering by the end of the story. Both the psionic armor and the armor for Franklin’s power wind up being almost inconsequential, although other issues do deal with it. Do you want to know why Onslaught needs Franklin? So do I; I guess he gives the villain an excuse to be able to just do anything, but it’s not very satisfying and it doesn’t feel like it’s building towards anything. He talks about the ascension of mutants, but it’s hard to see how having an army of Sentinels attack Manhattan helps to make mutants more free. But I do love the Sentinels as villains. Also, I love how the story just skips the inevitable plane crash of Cyclops and the others; I guess it’s just assumed they’ll make it because we never see what actually happens.

This is pretty much the best an issue in the Onslaught crossover can get at the end of “Phase 1”. The character work is solid and the art is fantastic. From this point on, with the start of Phase 2, there are only three kinds of Onslaught issues. 1. Random heroes fight Sentinels or random followers of Onslaught for an issue. 2. Random heroes rescue civilians for an issue. 3. Random heroes have an inconsequential fight with Onslaught that doesn’t affect the resolution one bit. It’s definitely not as clear of a direction as Uncanny #335 left us with, and quite frankly it starts to get old after a month of every Marvel book taking place in Onslaught ravaged Manhattan with absolutely no real story progress until the end. Yes characters show up and change, things do happen, but none of it matters until the Marvel Universe one-shot at the end. Still, Waid and Kubert were able get some weight and drama out of this disorganized mess, so that counts for a lot.

B

Wolverine #104

2011-08-25T20:41:00.002-04:00

Wolverine #104
Writing: Larry Hama
Art: Val Semeiks

What Went Down: Troll Wolverine starts off the issue climbing up the side of the Massachusetts Xavier School—home of Generation X. They’re not around, but it doesn’t matter because Wolverine is here to see Gateway. He thinks that Gateway can show him how Xavier became Onslaught. Gateway shows Logan his bullroarer, the stone on a string that he spins to use his powers, before using it to show Wolverine the memory of when he had to kill his love Mariko from back in Wolverine #57. Wolverine is overcome by the scene and falls off the roof, but Elektra saves him.

Wolverine claims this isn’t her business, but Elektra insists that he is her responsibility. They both climb to the roof again and ask Gateway to show them the truth about Xavier. Instead, Gateway shows Elektra a repressed memory of hell from back when Bullseye killed her. She sees her father and a number of dead Hand Ninjas rise out of the lava to attack her. Elektra is overcome with emotion, but Wolverine steadies her. Then Wolverine asks Gateway to show him more.

This time Gateway transports all three of them to Xavier’s mansion. Wolverine reflects on what has transpired in the last couple of months before the world becomes distorted, and Wolverine and Elektra are sucked into Gateway’s eye molecularly. Here they are shown the scene from X-Men #25 right after Wolverine had his adamantium sucked from his bones. At the moment Xavier shuts off Magneto’s mind, the two heroes’ level of perception changes. They watch as part of Magneto’s “dark essence” is transported from Magneto to Xavier. Wolverine tries to call out to Charles that Magneto planted something in him, but it’s too late and the heroes are transported back to the Massachusetts Academy.

Outside Wolverine broods because he blames himself for Xavier being pushed to destroy Magneto and getting infected as a result. Elektra brings up that at least he has an important piece of the Onslaught puzzle. Wolverine also mentions that when he saw himself lying there in the memory, it made him realize how much he missed being a normal man. Elektra tells him he still is one (Awwww).

How It Was: As with many stories in the Onslaught crossover, this issue feels like it should be more significant to the overall story, but ultimately it doesn’t really affect anything. Plus, the main revelation of the story has already been completely ruined by previous issues in the crossover where the X-Men already alluded to Magneto’s persona somehow corrupting Xavier, because of the character design obviously influenced by Magneto. Since the whole Onslaught story has been so poorly organized from the start, this issue never pays off as an important contribution plot wise.

Well, there’s still the chance that it could stand on its own merits as just a one-off story, but no, it’s pretty bad as far as that goes as well. Gateway, who is more a plot device than a character since he never talks, is wheeled out as an easy means of discovering the “mystery.” And really, there is no logic behind Wolverine thinking that Gateway would have the answer he would need in the first place. Also, it’s odd that there is no mention of Gateway’s appearance in X-Men #50, or for that matter, what the heck he was doing in that issue.

Unfortunately there are twenty-two pages to fill, so Gateway can’t just give Wolverine a straight answer to the question of “What the heck happened to Xavier.” Instead we have to sit through a number of unrelated flashbacks to once again establish that being a super hero is hard. There’s a weak attempt to set up the flashbacks as being necessary as a means of building up Wolverine and Elektra’s tolerance for pain and misery, so that they won’t be overwhelmed by the “horrifying” scene of Wolverine’s ultimate loss and Xavier’s corruption. But really most of this issue is just padding.

Worst of all, we’re still dealing with Angsty Monkey Wolverine. I like that Wolverine shares the responsibility for Onslaught since it was his injury that pushed Xavier over the edge, but nothing really ever comes from this. Furthermore, Elektra seems to have no purpose in this issue other than to give Wolverine someone to talk to and encourage him. This characterization of her as a nurturing friend never seemed quite right to me since she is normally more of a reckless thrillseeker/vicious assassin.

Most disappointing of all is the discovery that Onslaught isn’t just Xavier’s fears, dark desires, and doubts manifested; instead, Marvel had to make it clear that Xavier is a victim by having him become infected with evil by Magneto. This doesn’t work at all because Magneto isn’t really evil; he just sees coexistence between humans and mutants as impossible, and quite frankly there is a good chance that he might be right. Plus it just undercuts the impact that Onslaught has; instead of showing that Xavier, with all his power, is susceptible to the same disappointments and frustrations as anyone else, it just forces him back into the benevolent saint category by making him entirely free from blame. And really, as I’ve said before, this particular story has no effect on the larger narrative; it doesn’t play any part in the progression or resolution of the story. So it is largely disappointing.

D+

Fantastic Four #415

2011-08-25T20:39:00.002-04:00

Fantastic Four #415
Writing: Tom DeFalco
Art: Carlos Pacheco

What Went Down: We enter on Franklin Richards and Charlie—the mental projection Onslaught is using to trick Franklin—in the middle of a gypsy circus. A woman named Magda—most likely Magneto’s former wife and the mother of Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch—warns Charles that the child is innocent. The entire circus turns out to be an illusion created by Franklin as a test of his reality manipulating powers. When he hears his family’s ship return, Franklin abandons the illusion and runs to greet them.

At this point in FF continuity you should know that the team is hanging out with a Skrull named Lyja and Mr. Fantastic’s father Nathaniel Richards. Professor X shows up at the FF’s waiting room asking to see Mr. Fantastic while the Avengers are calling on the com line. Scott Lang, the current Ant-Man of the time, answers the call from Bishop, Iceman, and a number of Avengers. They try to warn him that the Professor is a threat, but Onslaught knocks Scott unconscious.

In another room, Xavier insists that Franklin must join his School for Gifted Youngsters. When Reed and Sue refuse, Xavier reveals himself as Onslaught and attacks them. The X-Men/Avengers arrive, and all the heroes split up to locate Franklin, Onslaught, and Scott Lang. Crystal, the Human Torch, and Nathaniel find Scott Lang unconscious, but they are all defeated by Onslaught. Lyja tries tricking Onslaught by taking Franklin’s appearance, but she, the Thing, and Hawkeye are also defeated. Bishop and the Invisible Woman check Franklin’s room; they find Onslaught and appear to defeat him by having Bishop rechannel Sue’s invisible force fields as energy blasts. Xavier appears weakened, but it’s a trick and he takes out the two heroes.

Outside Four Freedoms Plaza, the Watcher and Apocalypse discuss the significance of Franklin and his powers to “rearrange the molecular structure of matter.” Apocalypse notes that this must be hard for Uatu because he actually cares about the Fantastic Four, but he is not allowed to help them.

Franklin is alone eating cookies when Charlie comes to take him. Iceman and Mr. Fantastic attack Onslaught, but the villain makes it so Franklin cannot see any of them. The other heroes recover, and they all attack Onslaught in unison. It looks like they’re going to prevail, but at the last second Onslaught lets loose an energy blast that knocks them all out. He takes Franklin away.

How It Was: Well Onslaught comes to capture Franklin as part of his master plan. What part of that plan? We’ll never know, but basically at this point he is just a plot device that lets the villain do anything and get away with it. Fantastic Four’s biggest problem is that it has too many extraneous characters that serve no other purpose in this entire crossover. Poor Lyja, Nathaniel Richards, and Scott Lang are left just standing around until the next issue of FF shows up to finish off all their subplots right before the title reboots. I do like the central idea of attacking the team through Franklin, their most innocent and vulnerable member, but surely capturing Franklin has been done to death after four hundred issues; it just doesn’t feel very exciting or original.

There are some major problems with the story structure as well. What possible reason would Onslaught have for pretending to be Charles Xavier when he’s supposed to be so powerful? It’s obvious from the start his ploy isn’t going to work, so really he is just wasting everybody’s time. The gypsy circus also feels like a waste; sure, I guess it’s supposed to be a subtle hint about Magneto’s connection to Onslaught, but it hasn’t really been established that Magneto or Magda were gypsies, only that their children were raised by gypsies. Also, the Avengers lose half their members between calling FF headquarters and showing up there, which is a strange tactic for facing the greatest threat ever to the Marvel Universe. And right after the X-Men and Avengers show up, they decide to split up? It really doesn’t feel like they’re treating this threat seriously if they’re leaving members like Wasp and Giant-Man behind and breaking off into groups of two and three. The fights are okay, but really they all boil down to one of the FF using his or her powers to detect Onslaught, followed by all the heroes getting thrashed. The mislead with Xavier feels forced since they could’ve just tried to knock him out. Even the end is a little bit of a dud when the heroes rally and then they’re all defeated in one panel.

Carlos Pacheco’s art is great when it comes to the heroes and the fortress itself, but I have to say he draws the weakest looking Onslaught of just about everyone at Marvel. His Onslaught seems small, and he doesn’t draw the face right, going for a red face with white features as opposed to the cooler shadowed face under the helmet that most of the other Marvel artists give him. This issue gets the job done, but it’s not exactly a gripping read. This story just feels rushed and it has too much baggage in the form of characters and plots that have nothing to do with the Onslaught story.

C+

Avengers #401

2011-08-17T18:16:00.000-04:00

Avengers #401
Writing: Mark Waid
Art: Mike Deodato and Tom Palmer

What Went Down: A group of Avengers, plus Gambit, are assigned to search for Magneto since he may be a key to stopping Onslaught (at least right now in the story). The Avengers also debut a new Quinjet that looks a lot like a paper airplane. After Iron Man almost leaves the door to the hanger shut, the team is on its way.

In case you’re wondering how they are going to find Magneto when he’s been missing for months, Cerebro has picked up some electromagnetic energy in South Carolina and Virginia… so there you go. Hank Pym also takes time to show off his team of Avengers and X-Men that are going to be appearing in Fantastic Four this month.

Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver share flashbacks of having to work for Magneto; they resent the fact that Magneto was cruel and often abusive to his henchmen. A particular scene shows Magneto gripping Wanda with his magnetic powers to intimidate her. Quicksilver asserts that he will always protect his sister.

In Virginia, Rogue and Joseph are at a garage getting their car fixed. The mechanic complains that the lift is broken, so he can’t fix the car. Joseph uses his magnetic powers to make it work while Rogue distracts the mechanic. They go off to get lunch when the Quinjet lands right in front of them. Quicksilver hurries ahead of the rest of the Avengers and attacks Joseph, assuming that he is Magneto. Gambit and Quicksilver are both shocked to find Rogue accompanying him.

Quicksilver assumes that Joseph is controlling Rogue somehow, so he presses his attack. Rogue keeps trying to explain, but the Avengers keep interrupting her, so she just attacks the Vision instead. Iron Man tries to defuse the situation, but he shows that he might attack, so Joseph throws him through a cruise ship.

Gambit throws some charged cards to break up Vision, Thor, and Rogue, while Joseph fights the rest of the Avengers. When he grips Wanda with his powers, as he did in the flashback, she freaks out and breaks free with her powers. Joseph tries to apologize and help her up. Behind him, Quicksilver is charging with a giant wooden post to kill Joseph with. The Scarlet Witch contemplates letting her brother do it, but knocks both Quicksilver and Joseph away with her powers instead.

Wanda yells at her brother, telling him that she can take care of herself. Captain America finishes telling Rogue about Onslaught and everyone gets on the Quinjet to leave. Gambit demonstrates jealousy at the relationship Joseph and Rogue appear to share.

How It Was: First up, Mike Deodato’s artwork=sooo gooood. I’m a really big fan of his current work on Secret Avengers, and his stuff on Dark Avengers was great as well. His characters are gorgeous, and his fight scenes are so well posed. A highlight includes the page where Joseph takes on Captain America and the Maximoffs single handedly. My only complaint is the “new” Quinjet design. I can’t see what the point of this is because A: Avengers is being canceled in one more issue, so we’ll never see it again, and B: It is a really dumb looking design. Since Tom Palmer is credited with finishes, I get the feeling that deadlines may’ve become an issue, hence the simple looking Quinjet, but who knows?

As for the story, well the big question is why the heck is this taking place in the Avengers book? Since Joseph is a future X-Man, and Rogue has been missing from the book for months, wouldn’t it make more sense to put this in an X-Men book?

Besides the soliciting of the story, the real problem is that this story is a bunch of super heroes mistakenly attacking one and other, and we just had that in Uncanny #335. Waid does do a good job of setting up the precedent for Wanda and Pietro’s negative feelings toward Magneto, but it’s still absurd that it would take an entire issue to resolve this fight; much of the issue is padded with unnecessary sequences like Gambit arguing about using an elevator, or Iron Man not opening the door at the end of the plane ramp. One ridiculous sequence has Rogue trying to explain the situation, while the Vision keeps interrupting her by asking her to explain the situation. The Avengers just come off as really stupid this entire issue. Plus Gambit should theoretically have a bigger role in this story, since he knows Rogue better than anyone there, but all he gets to do is throw some cards to get some of the heroes’ attention.

The central theme of the story seems to be having the Scarlet Witch show her brother, and herself, that she can take care of herself. There’s nothing wrong with this other than the fact that it has been done to death in Avengers comics since the sixties. I can buy Quicksilver’s reaction to seeing his father, but at this point the Scarlet Witch has already been established as one of the most powerful Avengers. Also, any time you have a story with Wanda, you have writers trying to interpret her vague, plot convenient mutant power. While she’s basically supposed to create unlikely situations, I think it’s stretching the definition to have a pier spontaneously exploding and calling it highly improbable. If there is no chance of something ever happening at all, than she really shouldn’t be able to do it, otherwise there is nothing she can’t do. Of course Avengers’ writers eventually figured this out and Bendis shuffled her off in Avengers Disassembled.

Whoah, that was quite a tangent. Anyways, I think this issue would have worked a lot better without the big three tagging along. Captain America, Iron Man, Vision, and Thor really have nothing to do this issue, and their presence makes it even harder to understand why this fight takes so long. Focusing on the Maximoffs and Gambit definitely would’ve given this story a tighter center and allowed for more development of all the characters involved, as opposed to just hitting a note that’s been hit a dozen times before. Also, if finding Magneto was this easy, why have the X-Men waited this long? This is an unnecessary detour for the story that winds up having little effect on Onslaught. While Joseph does get some good character moments in the coming issues, the fact that he doesn’t actually do a lot raises questions as to why Onslaught’s resemblance to Magneto was even necessary to point out in the first place.

C-

Uncanny X-Men #335

2011-08-17T18:14:00.001-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #335
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Ozymandias opens the issue walking under a sculpture of the Fantastic Four mourning the loss of Franklin. He is staring at his risen lord Apocalypse. Apocalypse knows that Onslaught is a threat to him, and this fact is reinforced by the appearance of Uatu, the Watcher. Uatu and Apocalypse apparently already know each other, and Apocalypse explains that he is here to observe the end of the Age of Wonders.

In an Avengers Quinjet, the Avengers fly over the ruins of Xavier’s mansion. Nate Grey senses that the X-Men are alive, when suddenly the plane is forced down and ripped open. The X-Men and the Avengers have a minor conflict while Jean Grey ensures that the Avengers are really who they say they are; the X-Men are paranoid after the betrayal of Xavier. Nate mistakes Jean for Madelyne Pryor, a clone of Jean that Nate resurrected after he came to the main Marvel Universe.

Frustrated, Nate uses his mental powers to take all the X-Men’s memories and show the Avengers what Onslaught really is. Cyclops blasts Nate to free his teammates. Nate claims that he knew Xavier was evil from the moment he came to this world, and Wolverine tries to pounce on him. The X-Men inform the Avengers that Xavier has somehow been influenced by Magneto, creating Onslaught, which causes Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch to feel guilty about the actions of their father.

On Muir Island, Moira MacTaggert is briefing Excalibur about Onslaught. Many of the former X-Men want to go to America to help, but Moira insists that they need to stay and unseal the Xavier Protocols.

Below the mansion, Bishop replays Jean’s urgent message, confirming that Xavier is indeed the X-Men traitor. Gambit walks in and Bishop sort of apologizes for accusing him of being the traitor.

In another room, the Avengers and X-Men explain that Onslaught is pure psionic energy. Jean guesses that the transformation was spurned by the shutting down of Magneto’s mind in X-Men #25. Storm brings up that all information about Onslaught at this point has been supplied by Onslaught, which really means that all the “hints” up until now should be ignored because the writers didn’t organize this story very well. X-Force shows up, and they are assigned to protect Nate Grey, since Onslaught’s research showed he had an interest in the young mutant. Part of the heroes break off to warn the Fantastic Four while Cyclops and Jean go off to Muir Island for the Xavier Protocols. Another group is tasked with searching for Magneto, since he is supposed to have some part in the creation of Onslaught. Storm says she is worried about Cable, so she goes off to meet him in his title.

Wolverine says he has a hunch about Onslaught, so he tells the Vision that he’s going off to follow up on it. Vision comments on the contradictory nature of Wolverine as he drives away. Iceman fills Warren and Betsy in on recent events. Bobby calls Psylocke out on seeming cold and detached, which of course is attributed to the Crimson Dawn. They are sent to meet Scott and Jean on Muir Island. In the sewer, Dark Beast excitedly takes Onslaught to his lab. He starts to explain to Onslaught that he did not actually create the Morlocks, he just experimented on them, but Onslaught attacks him because he already knows all this information. He asks McCoy about soldiers for his army, while inside Onslaught, Charles Xavier is shown to be floating alone in oblivion.

How It Was: Whereas the Onslaught: X-Men one-shot set up the main ideas of the story, Uncanny #355 briefly reiterates those ideas and sets up the various missions that will hopefully further the plot. The major flaw is that none of these missions actually affect the plot other than the oh so brief appearance in Excalibur to get the Xavier Protocols to build the plot device that helps the heroes fight Onslaught. Finding Magneto doesn’t affect the story, finding Cable doesn’t affect it, you can probably already guess what’s going to happen in Fantastic Four without reading it, and Wolverine’s spirit journey to find Onslaught’s origins doesn’t really impact how they fight him at all. This means that the majority of issues in “Phase 1” end up being the equivalent of filler.

Once again, these aren’t really problems with the issue, only the narrative structure of the event. As far as the issue itself… it’s dense—there’s a lot of exposition on top of an unnecessary “heroes’ misunderstanding” to generate some action. Apocalypse shows up, making you believe that he’s going to play an important role, but all he does is appear in an issue of Cable before disappearing. As usual, the Watcher is dragged out to make sure that the average Marvel reader understands how “significant” this story is. Plus, this issue was many readers’ first impression of Nate Grey, which shows him as an over-hyped, whiny teen who just irritates all the heroes.

This issue burns away a lot of the momentum that Onslaught: X-Men gave it. While it’s nice to see that all of the individual heroes have a role to play at this point, the fact that none of these threads really influence the overall plot at all really hurts this book. This issue consists of a bunch of facts we already know and some in-story advertisements for a bunch of other books to come out later. Plus Storm’s dialogue pretty much admits at the start how poorly planned out this thing was to begin with, what with none of the build up to this story really mattering. While the Bishop and Gambit scene is handled well, especially Gambit acknowledging just how shady he really is, the rest of the X-Men are already getting forced to the side in a storyline where they should be central to the events, since this involves their mentor. It’s disappointing to see so much potential that later just gets squandered.

C-

Onslaught: X-Men

2011-08-17T18:12:00.002-04:00

Onslaught: X-Men
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Mark Waid
Art: Adam Kubert and Pascual Ferry

What Went Down: Our prologue begins with a shocking revelation; the video of Jean from Bishop’s timeline, the one that started the whole X-Traitor storyline, is in reference to Professor X turning into Onslaught. Here we get the whole version with the missing sections.

Cutting back to earlier, the story begins with Xavier sitting in his den and throwing a picture of himself and Magneto into a fire. He laments about the failure of his dream before summoning the X-Men to the study. Jean Grey is the only one who knows that Xavier is really Onslaught, but she hasn’t had an opportunity to tell anyone. Dark Beast is still worrying about his infiltration being discovered. Jean recaps all the X-Men’s encounters with Onslaught while Xavier announces that his dream was a mistake.

Jean continues to worry as Charles talks, and she discovers the Cyttorak Gem on his desk; unknown to her, the Juggernaut has been trapped in the gem by Onslaught. Jean continues to probe the Professor’s mind, but Xavier covers her head with a “psychic muzzle.” While the X-Men rush to Jean’s side, Xavier transforms into Onslaught.

Onslaught offers the X-Men an opportunity to join him. When Cyclops brings up the similarities in his tone to Magneto’s, the villain demonstrates his psychic powers on some of the X-Men. Cyclops blasts him, but Onslaught uses his powers to freeze the X-Men in place before disappearing. Gambit frees the X-Men by charging the floor with energy, and Jean fills the team in on what she has learned. Gambit brings up how Bishop has been looking for a traitor in the X-Men, surprising him. The team splits up with one unit going after Cerebro, even though it’s still supposed to be broken, while the other team goes to the ready room.

At the Baxter Building, Franklin—the son of Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman, is talking to his imaginary friend Charley—who is really Onslaught, while the Fantastic Four eat breakfast. Charley gets mad at Franklin and shatters a glass. The FF think Franklin is responsible, and Mr. Fantastic asks his son to go down to the lab with him.

In the Ready Room, the X-Men discover that Xavier has been researching Franklin Richards as well as Nate Grey. Onslaught mentally controls Cannonball and attacks the rest of the team. At the Avengers Mansion, Nate Grey is trying to convince the Avengers that Xavier has turned evil. They are skeptical, but they agree to check out his claims. Onslaught taunts Bishop for failing to discover that he was the traitor before going off to Cerebro.

In the Cerebro Room, Cyclops is busy disconnecting the computer when Iceman detects Onslaught by measuring the body temperatures in the room. Onslaught turns Cyclops’ powers on Jean, Iceman, and himself. Then he reveals that he has known about the Dark Beast’s presence the entire time and has been helping to hide him from the other telepaths. Dark Beast agrees to join Onslaught; the villain has to siphon some of McCoy’s thoughts to maintain his control of Xavier for some reason.

Later, Onslaught has neutralized Jean’s powers and is attempting to steal the secret to the template of the Phoenix Force from her mind. He takes a break to tell Dark Beast to dispose of the X-Men’s bodies, and Jean takes the opportunity to run away. She escapes to a communications room where she records the message from the prologue.

During the part at the end of the message, the part where it looked like Jean died, it turns out that the flash of light was just the other X-Men coming to the rescue. All the X-Men attack together, seemingly killing Onslaught. Of course, it turns out that the body they killed was really an illusion. Onslaught prepares an energy blast to kill all the X-Men, but Bishop manages to intercept and absorb it. Onslaught and Dark Beast teleport away, leaving the X-Men to ponder what they are going to do. At a secret location, Onslaught manages to activate an army of Sentinels.

How It Was: Another year, another X-crossover. As we all know from the success of Age of Apocalypse, every good crossover needs a double-sized one-shot with no ads to start it off. And not only is this a crossover across the X-books, we’re going full-on Marvel Universe wide inter-company crossover with this one. As the first issue of the story, this is probably the most that’s going to happen plot-wise until the Onslaught: Marvel Universe one-shot that ends it. I’ll get more into why this whole crossover is a bit of a mess, but let’s look at this issue a little closer.

Well Onslaught finally shows off how powerful he is, and it’s a wonder why he didn’t attack sooner to get it over with. Flashbacks to X-Men #50 and Uncanny #322 and #333 try to make this feel like a resolution to a grander, cohesive story, but really this just starts out of nowhere. The “hints” earlier don’t really point to a particular plan, and as you’ll see later, Onslaught’s agenda is never addressed beyond wanting to destroy the world…because he’s evil. The issue does succeed in giving us the broad, general ideas: Onslaught is Xavier, he’s really powerful, he’s interested in Nate Grey and Franklin Richards because…some reason, and he’s somehow connected to Magneto. That’s not bad for a first issue, except that this is pretty much what every other writer goes off of for his next two issues without really adding all that much to the plot until the end.

This is about what you’d expect from a hero like Professor X turned evil story. Waid and Lobdell take their time going through the beats: the X-Men can’t believe it, Onslaught shows signs that he’s not totally in control, the X-Men come to terms with the fact that they might have to kill him. Nothing is exactly subtle—from the villain’s reaction to Magneto’s name to the way Gambit brings up the X-traitor plot thread that has been rehashed over the last couple of months to the X-Men’s discovery that Onslaught could kill them but chooses not to. Of course later in the story, Xavier and Magneto turn out to play absolutely no part in the resolution of the story, so you could call this a misdirect, but it feels more like improper story planning. With so many at Marvel wanting to recapture the Age of Apocalypse, but on a larger scale, this issue tries to create some structure that really hasn’t been built up to as well as it was in the previous event.

Because Onslaught spawns from Xavier’s mind, he has the power to manipulate his students’ minds, and this leads to some interesting results, like having Cannonball freak out or Cyclops turn his powers on his friends. However, Onslaught develops so many other powers including super strength, energy blasts, EMP blasts, etc. that it starts to make him feel less unique. The X-staff is going for a cosmic-level bad guy ala Dark Phoenix or Thanos, but Onslaught never feels thought out enough to resonate as much with the readers.

It’s good to see the Dark Beast finally get something to do other than complain about life with the X-Men in his head. The X-Men’s confusion is well handled, but this thread leads to one of the other problems with this crossover. In order to have just about every Marvel title “tie in” to the story, sometimes events happened in the completely wrong books. So the Dark Beast/Beast storyline that has been running for months in the X-Men titles gets resolved in X-Factor, the origin of Onslaught happens in Wolverine, and Magneto/Joseph—who has been set up as a future X-Man already in the X-Men titles—gets discovered in Avengers. Again, none of these stories ever really contribute to the overall main plot (which should be combating Onslaught) whatsoever.

Still, I can’t help but notice that most of my criticisms, while originating with this issue, have more to do with the overall structure of the story than the issue itself. I actually quite like this one. The video from Bishop’s future is a nice touch, and a lot of the action is really good. All the X-Men’s reactions feel well done, although Xavier/Onslaught tends to talk a little too much and Jean’s inner ranting about Onslaught goes on for far too long. And of course, I can’t really understand the plan in the middle of the issue to split up when they’re facing the supposedly most powerful enemy they’ve ever faced. The ending struggles a little to involve Bishop, since he really had nothing to do with the resolution of the Traitor storyline. It feels tacked on to make Bishop the hero of the issue since he also won’t do a lot in the fight against Onslaught.

While this issue feels significant to a point, it’s a shame that most of the storylines either shift to unrelated books or disappear completely from the story. Out of the dozens of issues that are going to crossover, only two or three are going to deal directly with fighting Onslaught, so he never really gets developed as a character. There’s an interesting idea here about him being a manifestation of Xavier’s repressed feelings and emotions, but it gets bogged down in connections with Magneto and plot devices that serve no purpose. The traitor thread does get resolved, but this also feels shoe horned in. This is an exciting enough issue that is a little too long for its own good; it does a good job of setting up the main ideas, but the story never really develops any themes or developments beyond these general ideas.

B

X-Men #54

2011-08-10T23:37:00.000-04:00

X-Men #54
Writing: Mark Waid
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Outside the mansion, Cannonball is sitting up in a tree watching Xavier in his study. Cyclops walks by, and empathizes with Sam about how hard the Professor can be on his students. He brushes off the weird behavior as something bigger just bothering Xavier. Oddly, a charged card seems to whiz by Cyclops while he’s talking, only to reveal Gambit and the rest of the X-Men searching for Juggernaut on the school grounds. Cyclops decides that Xavier is too stressed, and shouldn’t be alerted unless absolutely necessary, so the team splits up to look around.

In the psi-shielded chamber, Juggernaut states his admiration that Xavier would fake his own death and act like such a creep. Jean starts reading his mind, but realizes that Juggernaut left the door open, so Onslaught could still know what they were doing. When she shuts it, her telepathic bond with Cyclops is severed, worrying him. Sam wonders why they don’t just use Cerebro to find Juggernaut, but Storm explains that he’s a human. Iceman asks Beast if he remembers their first encounter with the villain, and of course he gets the details wrong.

Meanwhile in Jersey, the authentic Beast is finally breaking free of the chains in his cell. He goes through the trap door, only to be stopped by some people behind him. At the mansion, Cyclops bursts through the doors to Xavier’s study to tell him about the severed psionic link. Xavier notes that he can no longer sense her either, but he seems unworried about it. Cyclops discovers that Xavier is researching Franklin Richards, the son of Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman of the Fantastic Four. Xavier claims he doesn’t remember pulling up that data. He agrees to search for Jean, and tells Scott to turn off the defenses when he learns about the Juggernaut’s presence.

In the chamber, Cain relives the experience of finding the Cyttorak Gem and turning into Juggernaut. In his mind, he and Jean focus on a black obelisk that represents the memory block. In the study, Xavier contemplates all his recent failures. A news report shows that one of the teens responsible for killing the mutant back in X-Men: Prime has been arrested. He gives a racist statement, causing Xavier to smash the TV and trash his office.

Jean discovers who Onslaught is, even though Juggernaut still doesn’t know. Instead of telling him who it is, she just tells him to run. Leaving the chamber without his helmet, Juggernaut’s perceptions are warped M.C. Escher-style. Terrified, Cain seeks out his stepbrother, only to find his hoverchair empty. Onslaught grabs him, stabs him in the stomach, and pulls out the Cyttorak Gem, as well as revealing that Xavier and Onslaught are the same person. Then Xavier summons the X-Men to his study.

How It Was: Low and behold, this issue opens with Cannonball, former leader of the “edgier” X-book—X-Force, pouting in a tree after being yelled at by Xavier. This is the kind of thing that drove fans crazy in the 90s, but the X-office continued to write him as a wet-behind-the-ears novice until he left the team to go back with X-Force. Meanwhile the X-writers seem intent to giveaway the reveal at the end of the issue by having Xavier act so over the top evil towards Cyclops that any other reveal for Onslaught wouldn’t have made any sense. Plus the rest of the X-Men are searching for Juggernaut, so they have nothing to do for the entire issue.

Waid goes for a horror movie motif with Jean and Juggernaut, building the tension of whether the monster will find them until he jumps out and “stabs” Juggy to “death.” Unfortunately, like a horror movie, we get the main characters making lots of stupid decisions, such as leaving the door to the psi-proof room open, or having the pair split up after Jean learns the bad guy’s identity and chooses not to share it with her ally. It all comes off as rather dumb and plot convenient, plus Juggernaut is once again being wheeled out to make Onslaught look more impressive by comparison, exactly like the issue twelve months ago.

Also, most of the Jean/Juggernaut sequences are made up of unnecessary flashbacks and exposition about past stories to pad the issue out until the writer can get to the end. Waid seems to be leaning particularly hard on the Z’Nox story as an example of a less virtuous Xavier to somehow justify his transformation into Onslaught, which seems unnecessary, but maybe they were still creating the character as they were going.

And at least having Xavier as Onslaught leads to some interesting story ideas. If you want to talk about a huge anti-climax, then we’ll talk about the Beast’s plot line. Here he breaks his chains (why wouldn’t he have done this first thing?) and escapes through the trapdoor, only to be recaptured a couple of pages later. How’s that for plot progression? Very, Very Tiring. This is a very weak ending, or beginning depending on how you look at it. The identity of the main villain is pretty much a gimme, and all the other characters are pretty much running around in circles or filling up panels to get to that spoiled ending.

C

Uncanny X-Men #334

2011-08-10T23:35:00.004-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #344
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Juggernaut emerges from a lake near the Xavier Institute. He swims underwater again and takes out some cameras. Up in the actual mansion, Bishop is trying to fix Cerebro after it overloaded in X-Men #51. He recognizes the technology from his time, but wonders what happened to stunt technology development to such a degree, which doesn’t make sense since Cerebro is obviously far more advanced than any other computer of its time. Gambit pops in, and Bishop calls him Remy for the first time. They discuss how Sinister’s attack in X-Men #52 reassured Bishop that he wasn’t crazy, and then an intruder alarm goes off, so they go to check it out.

Cyclops is in the Danger Room, shooting a bunch of drones. Jean bursts in, telling him they need to talk. She tells him about Onslaught’s attack on her, and that as time passes she remembers less and less. When Scott suggests going to Xavier, she becomes scared and tells him to wait. In Colorado, Archangel is trying to contact the mansion, but having no luck. This is odd, since Juggernaut destroyed his home last month in X-Men #53, so it’s probably a mistake on the writers’ parts. Psylocke is also unable to contact them with her telepathy, but she says it might be due to the Crimson Dawn. They decide to go to Westchester.

In Xavier’s study, Cannonball is telling the Professor how he feels guilty for not preventing Wolverine’s transformation in Wolverine #100. Xavier overreacts, yells at the youth for being so weak, and dismisses him.

Bishop and Gambit take a water skimmer out to the lake to find the disturbance. The Juggernaut attacks and knocks them both out. In Beast’s lab, the Dark Beast is examining Wolverine while Iceman and Storm watch. Dark Beast points out the ludicrousness of his counterpart's role in the X-Men, wondering how many scientific duties he was asked to perform at a given time. Wolverine breaks free of the restraints and runs off. Storm goes after him, but she is interrupted by Cannonball, who wants to talk about the Professor.

Bastion shows up backstage at a Graydon Creed rally and tells him off for stupidly attacking Senator Kelly last issue. Jean goes into the lake house, but discovers Gambit and Bishop unconscious on the floor. Juggernaut appears and tells her he’s not there to fight. He asks for Jean’s help because he knows Onslaught’s identity, but he can’t remember it. As a sign of good faith, he removes his helmet.

In the War Room, Xavier is going over files on the Age of Apocalypse’s Nate Grey, who attacked him in X-Man #10—a quote/unquote pivotal battle. Cyclops shows up because Xavier sent for him, and Xavier proceeds to tell him how big of a disappointment he is. He then tells Scott to stay strong, and reveals himself to be a telepathic projection. On the comlink, Xavier tells him that this was a test.

Jean takes Juggernaut to an underground, psi-shielded chamber that Xavier used to prepare for the Z’nox Invasion, back when he faked his own death.

The issue concludes by announcing that X-Men #54 will reveal the identity of Onslaught, but you’ve probably already figured it out from the previous page. There’s also a section recapping all of the previous mentions of Onslaught from the other X-Books, even though next month they’ll all be made trivial.

How It Was: This marks pretty much the height of the Bishop/Gambit bromance. After Onslaught, Gambit moves onto a love triangle with Rogue and Joseph while Bishop does nothing for a while before being blasted into space…seriously. But it has been kind of nice seeing the former enemies’ friendship grow, even if its sole purpose is to make the X-traitor subplot relevant again for the big reveal during Onslaught. Sure, having Bishop call Gambit “Remy” is a little sappy, but for what it is it works. And it means that Bishop will finally stop whining about his visions and dreams from another world. Unlike last time, the Juggernaut gets to show off his power by easily overpowering the X-Men and not acting like a hysterical girl, as he did in Uncanny #322.

Lobdell and Waid must have gone through all the original X-Men issues looking for ideas, because this issue brings us a plot device from the long, long forgotten Z’nox plotline of Uncanny #65. Once again while it is a neat little Easter egg for diehard fans, I doubt many people remembered, or even were familiar with, this obscure nod to the sixties. What’s really great is seeing Jean take such an active role in the series after being Cyclops’ partner for so long. Her conflict over whether to trust Xavier is very well handled. There is definitely a feeling of intensity, even now, in her scenes with Juggernaut as she worries about Onslaught discovering them.

However, the mystery is pretty much ruined by the fact that the writers have dropped almost all pretenses to the fact that Xavier is Onslaught. I guess his lashing out could be viewed potentially as Onslaught just manipulating him, but I think it’s pretty clear with the way he handles Cannonball at his desk that he’s being set up as a bad guy in all of this. Oh, and even though I’m really starting to dislike Dark Beast’s plot, I love how he points out how many jobs the real Beast does for the X-Men; he’s a biologist, chemist, medical doctor, virologist, mechanic, and physicist whenever the story necessitates it.

The fact that Archangel and Psylocke are fine in Warren’s house in Colorado is a pretty glaring error. On top of that, the narrative is still talking about Warren’s wing injuries, which is really getting old. And Psylocke is already starting to blame plot mechanics on the plot device that is the Crimson Dawn, a bad trend that just gets worse from here on out. Betsy’s acting weird? Crimson Dawn. She’s got new powers that are necessary for the plot to move on? Crimson Dawn? She can’t do something she normally does? It’s probably the Crimson Dawn. On the other hand, having Bastion call Graydon Creed out for being a moron is pretty entertaining to read.

Overall, the middle chapter in the Onslaught setup trilogy proves to be uneven. The mystery of Onslaught’s identity almost seems futile at this point due to the writing, and Psylocke and Archangel’s participation seems peripheral at best. Some decent character moments make this a little above mediocre, and it does set up everything nicely for the finale, anticlimactic as it is.

C+

X-Men #53

2011-08-10T23:33:00.002-04:00

X-Men #53
Writing: Mark Waid
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Jean Grey is out shopping for clothes. She seems to be having difficulty keeping people’s thoughts out of her mind when she is telepathically forced to the astral plane by Onslaught, who now has an actual character design. Onslaught claims that he’s ushering in a flashpoint in human-mutant relations and shows Jean that her body has also disappeared from the store. Many of the people have unflattering thoughts about her. Onslaught appears to destroy the store, but reveals it as an illusion in the next panel.

In New Jersey, the real Beast is being held in a dungeon by the Dark Beast. Beast accidentally breaks his water source, but this reveals a trap door in the floor. Onslaught takes Jean to Graydon Creed’s campaign headquarters to reveal the hypocrisy of humanity. We discover that Creed’s campaign manager doesn’t really care about the anti-mutant cause, but that he is willing to persecute the mutant race just for a chance to get to the White House. Jean tells Onslaught she’s aware of people like this, which is why she surrounds herself with people she can trust.

In Colorado, Psylocke is in bed, still screaming as a result of the shadows around her. From the shadows, the Juggernaut emerges (I believe this is his return from the Malibu Exiles’ universe). Juggy wonders where he is. Strangely, Betsy says she scanned his mind even though his helmet is still on. Juggernaut announces that he knows an important secret, but he can’t remember it, so he destroys the cabin instead. Then he begins his journey to Westchester because he says he can only trust one person with his mind.

Onslaught takes Jean to the X-mansion, where they journey inside Xavier’s mind effortlessly. Onslaught accuses Xavier of being just as big a hypocrite as the rest of the humans. Jean claims they have a special bond, citing the instance in the sixties where Xavier faked his death, but shared his secret with only her. Onslaught shakes her image of Xavier by showing her Xavier’s thoughts from Uncanny X-Men #3 (1963), where a thought balloon actually did mention that Xavier was in love with Jean. Onslaught infers that Xavier just repressed this feeling like every other negative emotion he has. On the astral plane, Onslaught covers Jean in green slime to symbolize all of Xavier’s fears and negative feelings.

Over in South Carolina, Joseph—the de-aged, former Magneto, has stumbled upon a community picnic outside. They seem friendly, but there is a sinister undertone to the whole scene.

Back on the astral plane, Onslaught compares himself to the Phoenix Force and asks Jean to join him. Jean refuses, and they fight. Jean asks who he is, but he tells her that she already knows before soundly defeating her. She reappears in the dressing room at the store, and the final page has an effect of Onslaught’s name being burned onto her head, but this isn’t supposed to be literal.

How It Was: This is our first real look at Onslaught, since the X-staff finally decided on what the heck he actually is. It’s a pretty cool design, and Waid succeeds in making Onslaught appear menacing and calculating. At this point, the villain still feels like he actually has a purpose beyond being evil. Here he’s someone I want to read more about.

Jean Grey is a good choice for him to reveal himself to because she hasn’t really had that much to do since before Age of Apocalypse. This issue is solid, although there are some inconsistencies in the story: we never find out why Jean’s body disappears when she goes to the astral plane, and we don’t know why the racist blond cashier knows that Jean is from the Xavier Institute. Still Onslaught does make an interesting case for the weakness of people by bringing up how what they do and how they feel are often in direct conflict with one and other. Not all his examples are super—I feel like the employees are allowed to assume Jean is a shoplifter if she disappears from the store, but the theme of the story is still solid. Also, I’m not sure what is up with Onslaught’s name being burned into Jean’s head; I think it’s a figurative way of showing how Onslaught messed with her head, possibly also explaining how she starts to forget events later.

And Onslaught also has a good point in bringing up that Xavier is as fallible as anyone else, despite being placed on a pedestal by the X-Men. Once again, while the main idea is intriguing, the examples given are kind of weak. Jean seems convinced that since Xavier told her about his fake death, it doesn’t make him a hypocrite, when really it makes both of them hypocrites for hiding this fact from the rest of their teammates. Waid also digs up an obscure quote from 1963 that paints Xavier in a more lecherous light. Yes, it did happen, but it’s obvious that Stan Lee dropped the concept shortly after because even he realized that it was a little creepy. Plus there are more contemporary examples that could’ve been used instead of dragging out this oddity that really has no bearing on the Professor’s character at all.

The Psylocke/Archangel thread is still a mess, but at least something happens. Juggernaut shows up, appearing from shadows for some reason, and trashes Warren’s cabin for the heck of it, in spite of the fact that he wants help from the X-Men. Worst of all, Warren’s cabin appears perfectly fine in the next issue of Uncanny, even though the entire cabin is clearly totaled in this comic. This whole part really makes no sense whatsoever. As for the Beast, it’s nice to see him alive, but he doesn’t get a whole lot to do other than stumble onto a way out that goes nowhere (plotwise). Joseph shows up just long enough to tease his appearance in X-Men Unlimited, where, in a heck of a coincidence, he meets up with Rogue, who just happens to be in the same small town in South Carolina as he is.

The main ideas in this issue work really well, and Onslaught is just new enough to seem novel. It’s just in the little details and subplots where the issue drops the ball. It’s nice that Waid is trying to make use of continuity, but by picking something that so few writers have chosen to acknowledge, the reveal doesn’t really carry as much weight; his experiences with Amelia Voght would have fit in nicely. Still, this is the best that Onslaught ever comes off, so that is an accomplishment in it of itself.

B

X-Force #55

2011-08-03T23:40:00.001-04:00

X-Force #55
Writing: Jeph Loeb
Art: Adam Pollina

What Went Down: We open on Shatterstar holding Meltdown, formerly Boom Boom, right above one of the SHIELD Hellicarrier’s engines. She throws a time-bomb in and counts it down. On the bridge, Dum-Dum Dugan is in charge; G.W. Bridge is currently running SHIELD because I believe Nick Fury died over in the Hulk series. Anyway, alarms start going off and Dugan starts yelling at people. A shadowy figure tells Dugan that he’ll take care of it and that mutants fall under his jurisdiction. Contessa Valentina shows up to tell Dugan not to freak out.

In other parts of the Hellicarrier, different squads of X-Force members break in. Cable is teamed with Caliban, who is tasked with locating a particular mutant. Cable brings up some recent X-Force events while they walk. Domino and Siryn discover a load of invisible lasers, but Dom is able to use her luck powers to avoid them while shooting out all the weapons emplacements.

Meltdown and Shatterstar are attacked by some SHIELD troops, but Meltdown discovers they’re all LMDs, so they can use lethal force on the robots. After defeating them, Tabitha searches the ship’s databases and discovers that Sabretooth is still alive, but his location is classified. She blows up the computer because she is still angry about Sabretooth’s betrayal of her sympathies.

Back on the bridge, Dum-Dum yells at his people some more. As X-Force makes their way through the ship, they tear out a variety of systems. Caliban leads Cable to a big round door, saying they’re objective is behind it. Cable contacts the rest of the team to meet them there, and they proceed to combine they’re powers to open the door. Inside, they find Cyclops strapped to a machine. Also, SHIELD has surrounded X-Force while they were opening the door.

G.W. Bridge appears to tell X-Force that Cyclops is a prisoner of the U.S. government. The team pretends to surrender, but Cable uses his powers to free Cyclops of his headpiece allowing him to take out all the SHIELD soldiers with his optic blasts. Bridge is the only one left standing, so Cable punches him out. The team escapes, and Jean Grey picks them all up in a jet. She shares a kiss with Cyclops afterwards.

In an epilogue, Warpath is enjoying a relaxing beach vacation with Risque after disappearing during a battle in a previous issue. The cliffhanger is that he doesn’t know if he wants to leave Risque to rejoin the team.

How It Was: Well, this feels like an unnecessary detour. Granted, it’s not taking up an X-Men issue, but it’s still hard to see why any of this was necessary. We never get to find out why the Friends of Humanity turn Cyclops over to SHIELD or what Kelly’s huge secret was. I also can’t picture X-Force fans being thrilled about having all the book’s plot lines derailed for a meaningless crossover with Uncanny X-Men.

Still, parts of this story still work as a kind of big, dumb heist caper. It’s nice to see the members of X-Force working together to infiltrate the ship so effectively, and there’s some decent action and interactions. Since I’m primarily an X-Men fan, it’s nice to see Meltdown following up on Sabretooth since that’s one of the few character arcs I’m familiar with. Almost everyone clearly has one or two subplots they’re going through, which is nice, but I get the distinct feeling that none of them are furthered with this issue. Also, I don’t like how Domino’s power becomes a plot device to easily overcome any obstacle.

The main problems come from the fact that the whole issue is dedicated to solely rescuing Cyclops and the incompetent portrayal of SHIELD. Yes there is some alluding to factional infighting within the organization, but SHIELD still comes off as being run by a bunch of idiots, which is usually the case when they’re in any book other than they’re own. All Dum-Dum Dugan does is yell for the whole issue, and as far as being worthless goes, the same goes for G.W. Bridge. It’s exciting to see that Bastion might get involved, but then he disappears after the beginning of the book and nothing comes of his telling off Dugan at all.

This is not really where the story in Uncanny #333 needed to go. It feels like a needless distraction for X-Force, and it’s hard to get excited about SHIELD in the 90s without Nick Fury. This feels like a competent team book, but it turns out to be nothing special, which is a shame since this was a golden opportunity to gain more readers. You can almost feel how hard this series wants to be X-Men with the logo at the top of the cover, or at the very least recapture its initial popularity.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #333

2011-08-03T23:35:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #333
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Pascual Ferry

What Went Down: In his Virginia mansion, Senator Robert Kelly acts super edgy and waves around a gun, looking for someone. He finds Cyclops, who the Senator had called earlier. Kelly reveals that he is aware of members of Xavier’s Mutant Underground, but Cyclops doesn’t really care. Then Kelly begs for Cyclops’ help.

Above the Pentagon, the X-Men are hovering in the cloaked Blackbird while Jean Grey and Gambit infiltrate the building to learn about Operation Zero Tolerance. Cannonball compares the stunt to something he would’ve committed in X-Force, which honors Storm, while Dark Beast tries to maintain his identity in front of Iceman and Professor X.

In an underground sub-basement of the Pentagon, Jean is using her telepathy to disguise herself and Gambit. Also, in case you’re wondering, all of the mutant detecting technology in the Pentagon was created by Forge, who told the X-Men how to block it.

In Colorado, Archangel is still recovering from the injury Sabretooth gave him. Psylocke is also recovering, and she is easily able to sneak up on Warren outside. Betsy wonders about the changes the Crimson Dawn has done to her body and mind. Something appears behind Psylocke, asking for help. For some reason this causes Betsy to faint, and when Warren flies down to help her, the pain from his wing causes him to fall unconscious as well.

Back at the Pentagon, Jean marvels at the various politicians and officials assembled. The group is greeted by Bastion, who we are meeting for the first time. He describes Zero Tolerance as a survival task force, and tells the officials that there is a mysterious threat looming known as Onslaught. Also, Jean can’t scan his mind.

In Kelly’s mansion, Kelly is telling Cyclops that he found something after getting involved in Project: Widawake; something to do with the extinction of mutants. They are ambushed by an explosive from the Friends of Humanity. Oh and Graydon Creed is stupid enough to sit in a van outside the attempted assassination of a senator during his presidential campaign.

Over in the Blackbird, Xavier tries to listen to the presentation telepathically; Storm reminds him that he said he was unable to do this, but Xavier brushes her off. In the middle of his presentation on Onslaught, Bastion reveals that he can detect Jean and Remy, so he attacks them. The X-Men are surprised, so they proceed to run away. Gambit blows a hole in the wall, and he and Jean find that all the soldiers outside are sleeping. Onslaught appears to Jean, takes credit for knocking out the soldiers, and tells her that it was a gift.

Finally, Archangel and Psylocke wake up to find a Juggernaut-shaped shadow looming over them.

How It Was: After filling in for Andy Kubert two months previous, Pascual Ferry takes a shot filling in on Uncanny and does a pretty awesome job. While not a whole lot happens this issue, he manages to make Gambit and Jean’s escape look more frantic and action-packed than it actually is; he also sets a great mood with the shadowing in the Cyclops/Kelly sequences, definitely capturing the conspiracy mystery vibe. It’s too bad that there’s never any real payoff from this setup; it seems like Kelly is afraid Operation Zero Tolerance is going to kill him, but later it’s made clear that OZT doesn’t care about him at all, even releasing him after capturing Cyclops.

Really, this issue is setting up the main threat for after the Onslaught crossover, and frankly it’s a nice change of pace to see the X-Office planning these things so far in advance. While Bastion’s presentation only exists to regurgitate plot points from past X-Men issues so they’ll be fresh on people’s minds, the fact that he identifies Gambit and Jean, along with his appearance, adds some mystique to him. The fact that the head of this anti-mutant program is being run by an obvious non-human is very intriguing indeed. Jean and Gambit’s escape also makes for a brief, but well-executed action set piece.

The Archangel/Psylocke thread is a misfire. While it’s nice to check in on them after their injuries, all they do is recap what’s happened to them thus far and pass out. Psylocke is sensing psionic screams because of her exposure to the Crimson Dawn? What does that even mean? And it is very unclear whether Archangel passes out from the pain or crashes into the ground. Either way, neither character comes out of this looking particularly good. In fact, the falling unconscious serves no purpose except to create some anti-climactic tension, since they pick up right where they left off after they wake up. It’s a cheap plot device to postpone the scene for the cliffhanger, and it doesn’t work at all.

There are some nice, but insignificant moments in the Blackbird. It’s becoming clear at this point that the Dark Beast plot has some holes in it; namely, that he’s somehow hiding on a team with three of the world’s most powerful telepaths on it. And while this gets explained by Onslaught later, it still doesn’t answer why the Dark Beast thought this was a good plan in the first place, ignorant of Onslaught as he was. He really had no plan for this? And why is he still on the team after already being captured by Sinister once? Also, it’s about this point that the X-writers start to abandon subtlety as far as the hints that Xavier is Onslaught are concerned. The mystery doesn’t work at all because we’re only presented with one potential suspect who keeps acting more and more disturbed.

This issue crosses over with X-Force #55 for no particular reason; it’s a weak attempt to boost readership of the other X-books. Later we’ll see that many X-titles started having events happen in the completely wrong titles, but more on that later. While the Archangel/Psylocke sequences are panel padding nonsense, the introduction of Bastion goes off really well and succeeds in creating some intrigue in the events to follow Onslaught. Sure, the “hints” at Onslaught’s motivations never make sense in the long run, but as I said before, the focus is mostly on Zero Tolerance for next year.

B+

X-Men #52

2011-07-29T19:25:00.005-04:00

X-Men #52
Writing: Mark Waid
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Continuing from the cliffhanger last issue, Gambit is charging the front car of a runaway train with explosive energy while Bishop yells at him for being crazy. Gambit reveals that his plan is to have Bishop absorb all of the energy until he has enough to release and stop the train. Somehow this actually works, but it leaves both heroes weakened so that Mr. Sinister can easily knock them out.

In South Carolina, Rogue rents an apartment from a single mother; the woman’s son tries to touch her, and she panics. On TV a news report discusses the runaway train with possible mutants witnessed at the scene. The woman comments about how awful mutants are, and Rogue regretfully agrees with her.

At the train station, police are interviewing all of the formerly mutated humans. A shadowy figure in a trenchcoat and hat walks by, and all the cops refer to him as an important government figure named Bastion.

In Sinister’s underground lab, the X-Men are all elaborately restrained. Sinister explains that he was using the train to test the effectiveness of his new mutant virus which creates minions for his disposal. He is also excited because he finally has Bishop in his possession. You see, because Bishop comes from the future, Sinister has no genetic records of him at all. And since Sinister has collected samples of every other genetic mutant ever, that just won’t do.

Sinister has a machine that projects thoughts, so he’s going to use it to learn Bishop’s origins. Dark Beasts panics because he knows that this test will show that he’s not the real Beast, and reveal to Sinister all his secrets from the Age of Apocalypse. Sinister learns about Bishop’s time traveling, the X-traitor, and the Age of Apocalypse while Beast insists that Gambit free them. Beast also notices that Sinister takes an interest in Gambit’s health when Gambit pretends to be coming down with the virus.

As Sinister approaches him, Gambit releases a charged card and blows up the machine, thus freeing his friends and destroying all of Sinister’s samples. The X-Men defeat Sinister in about two pages, and he teleports away. As they walk away, Gambit tells the group that they are just outside of St. Louis. Dark Beast picks up on this and realizes that Gambit must have a connection to Sinister. Rather than tell the X-Men, he decides to keep this information to himself for future use.

How It Was: First off, I’m no physics expert, but I’m ninety percent sure that Gambit’s plan wouldn’t have a chance in hell of working, due to the fact that the locomotive’s engine is continuously running, so any attempt to introduce an equal opposing force would be negated once Bishop’s energy was depleted. Then again, it’s a comic book about people with genetic anomalies that give them super powers, so I guess I don’t have a lot of grounds to judge it on realism.

How much does it suck to be Dark Beast? Getting captured by the one person you’re trying to hide from on your first mission with the X-Men has to be frustrating. Anyways, Bishop gets something of a resolution to his months long beat of hallucinating about the Age of the Apocalypse. After having his experiences confirmed by Sinister, Bishop is finally able to come to terms with them, and they’re rarely ever mentioned again. It’s not the most satisfying conclusion, but hey, at least it’s something.

The dialogue between Rogue and her racist landlord is some of the worst to ever appear in an X-Men comic. Not only is it an unflattering portrayal of people in South Carolina (“Don’t tell me I’ve done rented to a mutant lover?”), showing yet another human that hates mutants a lot doesn’t really add anything to the story.

There’s also some more cryptic hinting at Gambit’s relationship with Sinister, but most of this is for the benefit of the Dark Beast so he can figure it out on his own. He says that he plans on using this information to his advantage someday, but again he’s going to be disappearing in a couple of issues and the plot point will fade away with him. Sinister’s reaction to capturing Bishop is well-handled, and the fact that Bishop would be his missing link is a nice touch. In fact, the conflict is really well-constructed in that all three mutants have secrets that they don’t want Sinister to discover or share, so the plot is a little more engaging than your standard “captured by a mad scientist” plotline.

An event that should feel more significant is the destruction of Sinister’s life’s work, a collection of every mutant’s genetic samples, by Gambit. Of course, it would be easier to get excited about if it hadn’t already happened a year ago in X-Men #34, and afterwards Sinister just said that he had duplicates. And yeah, this time Sinister is around to agonize about the loss and lash out at the X-Men, but this only lasts for a page until he’s blasted by Bishop and teleports away. This is a pretty easy victory for the X-Men as far as Sinister goes; usually he puts up more of a fight.

While a nice aside, in the long run this two issue story just doesn’t feel that significant. Sure it resolves Bishop’s whining about the Age of Apocalypse, and it features the Dark Beast and Gambit coming into contact with Sinister, but the story just rushes to the end and neither of the villains do anything with the new information they’ve gathered. After all, Sinister had gained knowledge of the future while Dark Beast knew of the villain’s relationship with Gambit, so something could’ve come of this.

B-

X-Men #51

2011-07-29T19:23:00.001-04:00

X-Men #51
Writing: Mark Waid
Art: Pascal Ferry

What Went Down: Professor X and Bishop are in the mansion’s war room attempting to fix Cerebro after it was destroyed way back in the Phalanx storyline. Cerebro detects a massive spike in New Jersey before shorting out again. Even though Xavier believes it might be a malfunction, Bishop, Gambit, and Beast are sent out to investigate.

The coordinates lead the X-Men to a commuter train. Upon entering, they find a number of mutant monsters. Throughout all this, Beast keeps making inappropriate jokes because in reality he’s the Dark Beast in disguise. Bishop explains that the monsters are actually mutated humans, and they witness one human turning into a monster, showing that the mutation is contagious.

At the house of Jean Grey’s parents, Cyclops tests Jean’s niece and nephew for telepathy by hiding a quarter. Jean is not very excited to see this because she wants the children to live normal lives. Jean’s parents turn the TV to the news where we see Graydon Creed officially announce his candidacy for President of the United States.

At the mansion, Xavier calls Mutant Underground member Louis St. Croix to discuss the recent turn of events. Xavier cryptically mentions that he may have to take drastic measures against Creed. On the train, our heroes fight the monsters for a while and then split up. Gambit and Bishop head off towards the engine to stop the train while Beast looks for a way to subdue the passengers. Gambit and Bishop find a really big monster waiting for them in the engine.

Incredibly, Dark Beast is able to create an anesthetic from random ingredients on the train; once unconscious, all the monsters become human again. Beast looks over his work, but Mr. Sinister ambushes him; ironically Dark Beast replaced the regular Beast in an attempt to hide from Mr. Sinister. Back at the front of the train, the controls are smashed, so the X-Men have no way to stop it. Gambit gets an idea and begins charging the front car with kinetic energy. Bishop yells at him for creating a speeding bomb.

How It Was: Gambit and Bishop continue their bromance as they team up yet again to stop a crazy train full of monsters. In case you forgot, the writers are trying to keep the X-traitor storyline on our minds, since it’s going to play a big role in the upcoming Onslaught crossover. Mark Waid does a solid job with characters, especially the Dark Beast, but the plot leaves a little something to desire. The entire “turning humans into mutants” angle feels a little too “mad scientist-y” even for Mr. Sinister, and the manner in which the monsters are defeated is too convenient. After all, why would a train have all the chemicals needed for an airborne anesthetic to be created; it’s not like the Beast has a lot of pockets to keep all of those ingredients in.

I’m glad to see that the Dark Beast doesn’t really fit in with the X-Men, and Waid does a great job of capturing his revulsion and paranoia. Still, since the identity theft only lasts another four issues, not a lot comes of this. And I can’t really understand the whole rationale behind it; why would McCoy think that infiltrating the X-Men would keep him safer from Sinister, rather than just staying in hiding? Of course, we discover how terrible his plan actually is when Sinister captures him during his very first mission with the X-Men.

Bishop and Gambit aren’t given a whole lot characterwise, but since they’re both the focus next issue it’s not a big deal. Ferry’s art works surprisingly well with the monsters; he draws them with a very horror comic aesthetic reminiscent of something you might’ve seen back in the days of EC. Graydon Creed’s announcement feels pretty significant, but as we’ll see after Onslaught, it doesn’t go on for too long, so don’t get too excited. It’s an inauspicious debut for Mark Waid, and it’s hard to get since he’s not staying onboard for too long.

C+

Uncanny X-Men ‘96 Annual

2011-07-29T19:22:00.000-04:00

Uncanny X-Men ‘96
Writing: Terry Kavagnagh and Howard Mackie
Art: David Perrin and Nick Gnazzo

What Went Down: Preacher, the precognitive mutant artist from last year’s annual, is in a secluded cabin painting and trying to understand what his paintings mean. Two of his paintings, one of Bishop and the other of his sister Shard, connect. This leads Preacher to believe that the shadowy future in the background is to be either caused or prevented by the two heroes. Preacher then lights the cabin on fire because he is being chased by government officials who want to use him to control the future.

Some soldiers break-in just in time to salvage some of the paintings. More shady government types discuss how they recently infiltrated X-Factor, and they decide to go after Shard and Preacher by releasing a Hound.

Meanwhile, Strom brings Bishop to Las Vegas to meet with his deceased sister Shard, or rather a hologram that contains all of her memories and personality traits. Wild Child from X-Factor is bringing Shard. Bishop recalls that he and Shard grew up together in Las Vegas in the future, raised by an old man named Hancock before joining the XSE.

Shard eagerly awaits the reunion with her brother, but Bishop remains unconvinced that she is anything more than an elaborate computer program. The government releases the Hound, a genetically engineered monster, while Storm and Wild Child go off for drinks to leave the siblings alone.

Shard retells the story of Bishop’s first use of his powers with flashbacks; it happened after their guardian Hancock was killed by some gang members, and it led to the two joining the XSE. Bishop still isn’t willing to care about a projection, but they are both interrupted by Preacher. Preacher recognizes Bishop, and shows them a tattoo of a horrible future with the hound chasing them in Vegas. As the mutants talk, the Hound attacks.

Bishop and Shard fight it for a couple of pages, but it manages to knock Bishop out and steal the projector that projects Shard. Storm and Wild Child wake him from a flashback of Shard’s original death. They all decide to rescue Shard, with help from a building drawing in the dirt left by Preacher. The drawing is of Area 51.

In an underground lab, Dr. L. Stephens runs tests on this new hologram/lifeform. Shard feels pain as scientists try to “depixilate” her in order to gain all her knowledge of the future. Storm, Bishop, and Wild Child bust in and fight the Hound. Shard vaporizes her own projector to prevent the bad guys from gaining any more information, and the X-Men continue to fight the Hound. Bishop sets the lab on autodestruct, and Storm flies everyone away before it blows. The Hound makes a final leap to pursue, but doesn’t quite make it and falls to its presumed destruction.

In the Blackbird everyone feels remorse over Shard’s destruction; even Bishop now believes that it truly was his sister, and that she sacrificed herself. As they talk, Shard shows up from the back of the plane. Apparently blowing up her projector somehow gave her a new photon-based solid body. She hugs Bishop and everybody celebrates.

Back in a new hideout, Preacher is busy painting new visions of the future. These particular paintings involve superheroes fighting Onslaught. In the end we learn that Preacher is still being pursued by Bastion and Operation Zero Tolerance.

How It Was: For starters, this one feels like more of a premise for an X-Factor Annual than an Uncanny annual, but this is the nineties, where nothing makes sense. And because Uncanny had a bigger audience base, it does make sense to introduce this here in an attempt to gain more X-Factor readers. Lord knows there weren’t that many at this point.

The story really shines in its depiction of Shard as the synthetic being trying to come to terms with her identity. She knows she’s not real, she knows she’s supposed to be dead, but she can’t help that she has all of these thoughts, memories, and feelings. This may’ve been done multiple times before with characters like the Vision, but there is still enough here character-wise to make this stand out and work really well. Despite his reaction, Bishop also comes across as sympathetic due to the fact that we’ve seen him struggle to accept his sister’s death in the past, only to have this sentient hologram show up and reopen all his old wounds. Really interesting stuff here.

Ultimately, the rest of the annual just isn’t very gripping. We have a number of flashbacks from Bishop’s mini-series that are unnecessary, a generic villain that adapts to mutant powers—but uglier, and an ending that wraps everything up a little too nicely. Oh, and Preacher stops by from last annual to tell the protagonists that they’re going to be chased by a Hound about a second before the Hound begins its attack, so good for him.

I can see the necessity of getting Shard in a solid body so that she can be better utilized over in X-Factor, but in the end it is way too convenient that destroying her holographic projector happens to turn her solid. As for the Hound, well if it could jump high enough to almost reach Storm once, why would it be hampered in trying the same stunt a second time? Throw in a generic tease for the Onslaught story and this one is nothing to really write home about. Plus, to my knowledge, Shard doesn’t show up in the X-Men titles ever again, so this story only really matters to fans of X-Factor, of which this annual is not a part of.

C

Wolverine #101

2011-07-20T14:03:00.003-04:00

Wolverine #101
Writing: Larry Hama
Art: Adam Kubert

What Went Down: Wolverine starts off the issue by stabbing Ozymandias and jumping into the abyss after Cyclops. Cyclops is busy shooting his optic blasts to slow his descent, but it’s not working, and he gets knocked unconscious by some debris. Jean fights a stone Magneto who has complete control over rock.

Wolverine catches Cyclops and stabs the wall to stop their descent. Scott wakes up and sees a carving of Professor X in the wall in front of him; he wonders out loud why Apocalypse would revere a carving of Xavier. Then Cyclops flashes back to the plane crash in his origin and passes out. Wolverine starts climbing the stone face.

Above, Iceman, Jean, and Cannonball are slowly being overwhelmed. Jean tells Iceman to extend a bridge, but the stone Wolverine attacks him. Some more stone statues are about to ambush the group, but Elektra knocks them off the ledge. The Magneto statue pins Jean, and flings some rock spikes at Wolverine, who shields Cyclops with his body. Scott responds by blowing the statue away with a laser blast. Ozymandias destroys column in the center with all the carvings to preserve its secrets, so Iceman saves Wolverine and Cyclops.

Afterwards Wolverine acts savage, but Jean calms him down. Everyone agrees that it’s time to leave.

How It Was: I cannot see what the X-Offices were thinking at all with this one. How does giving your main character absurd proportions and reducing his mind so that he can only growl make for a better book? At one point he actually licks Cyclops’ face like a dog! Frankly this story is stupid for so many reasons, the main one being Wolverine’s transformation. The second reason is that I can’t really tell why Ozymandias is fighting the X-Men, other than the fact that he’s a bad guy and they’re good guys.

So it’s just an issue of the X-Men fighting stone statues for no reason. Kubert competently renders the action, but there’s no real investment in any of it. Elektra’s role in this story is so minor that she might as well not be in it, and as I said before, Wolverine is not compelling now that he has the brain of an animal with no personality. And the reveal of Professor X’s depiction in Apocalypse’s temple feels significant here, but is never mentioned again, so it’s hard to get excited by it.

Overall, I do not have a lot to say about this issue. It’s dull, boring, and disappointing overall.

F

Uncanny X-Men #332

2011-07-20T14:01:00.002-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #332
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: The issue starts out with Elektra stalking Super Feral Wolverine and recapping the events of Wolverine #100. At the offices of Landau, Luckman, and Lake, Professor X is asking a woman named Ms. Cullhoden about the whereabouts of Wolverine. Xavier reveals that he knows about all twenty-six branch offices as well as the ones in alternate dimensions. The X-Men are waiting for the Professor outside in the car. Jean mentions that she and Wolverine worked for LLL in Wolverine #97, while Cannonball and Iceman talk about how Sam blames himself for losing Wolverine.

Jean picks up Logan’s telepathic echo, and Xavier tells the team to leave him at the office. Ms. Cullhoden then shoots Xavier, but it is revealed to be a trick of Xavier’s telepathy. Xavier holds the woman with his mind, and explains that he will not lose Wolverine.

Wolverine discovers an abandoned city and falls through a trap door, frustrating Elektra as she tries to follow him. Wolverine falls and discovers Ozymandias, a servant of Apocalypse who was once his enslaver. He is the scribe of Apocalypse and has visions of the future that he makes into sculptures. He shows Wolverine some of his sculpting depicting Holocaust’s destruction of Avalon and the Age of Apocalypse.

The X-Men interrupt Ozymandias’ revelry and burst through the wall. The villain uses his powers to make his sculptures come to life and attack the X-Men; most of them are from the Age of the Apocalypse. Ozy also explains that he was manipulated by Apocalypse in much the same way that Sinister was. During the fight, Cyclops gets knocked down a hole, while Wolverine is grabbed by Ozymandias.

How It Was: We continue to explore “New” Wolverine in part two of this unnamed crossover story. And much like New Coke long before it, New Wolverine is a huge mistake. After rereading these issues today, I am now convinced that Logan’s new design had to have come from Joe Madureira since it matches his style so well, with his over-muscled torso and the exaggerated proportions for his hands and feet. Absolutely horrible.

The surprise of this issue is that Xavier gets to kick ass. First he puts the LLL representative in her place, shows he is fully aware of their “secret” organization, and then messes with the woman to demonstrate how serious he really is. I don’t know if this is Onslaught talking or not, but Xavier is awesome in this issue.

Cannonball’s guilt feels a little misplaced since he did save Wolverine from Genesis by himself. And Ozymandias isn’t really that great a villain, although he looks pretty cool. Even though the cliffhanger seems like it would be pretty good, there is absolutely no sense of urgency at all to save Cyclops. Plus, I have no idea why Joe Mad is obscuring Elektra’s identity the whole issue, when we already know who it is from Wolverine #100. This is definitely the definition of a middle issue in a story, and not a great story. Grunting Wolverine isn’t compelling, Ozymandias isn’t really that interesting, and the whole thing comes off as rather ill-advised.

D+

Wolverine #100

2011-07-20T13:58:00.002-04:00

Wolverine #100
Writing: Larry Hama
Art: Adam Kubert

What Went Down: Genesis and the Dark Riders have captured Wolverine, and they are planning to re-bond his skeleton with adamantium, so he can serve their master Apocalypse as a Horseman. This adamantium was harvested from the Wolverine villain Cyber, so there are concerns that Wolverine might reject it because it is an inferior grade.

In a vent up above, Cannonball is hiding with woman named Zoe who claims she is an Expediter. She’s an employee of Landau, Luckman, and Lake, an interdimensional law firm that appears in Wolverine and Deadpool a lot. In another part of the base, they see hundreds of sarcophagi filled with live prisoners surrounding a single sarcophagus with Apocalypse’s image on it. This obviously means that the Dark Riders are going to try to resurrect Apocalypse.

Wolverine’s skin starts to excrete adamantium because they are flowing too much into him. Cannonball tries to get Zoe to help him, but she teleports away. Cannonball decides to attack the Dark Riders. As the Riders beat him, Cannonball apologizes to Logan. Wolverine starts yelling in his tube, and all of a sudden rejected adamantium shoots out of his body, freeing Wolverine and killing/wounding many of the bad guys.

Cannonball flies after Wolverine and picks him up. We don’t get a good look at him, but Cannonball tells him that they have to stop Apocalypse from rising. In a cabin in the mountains, Elektra and Stick sense Wolverine’s “fall.” Back in Genesis’ lair, Cannonball is about be killed by Spyne and Deadbolt, but Wolverine kills them both. He then uses Deadbolt’s glowing, severed head to lure Gauntlet into a trap. While Genesis fights Cannonball, they can hear the screams of the Dark Riders.

We finally get the reveal of the new, more savage Wolverine—part dog, part troll, all stupid. As Wolverine kills Genesis, Cannonball pries open Apocalypse’s sarcophagus, only to find that it is empty. Wolverine asks Cannonball to tell Cable that he’s sorry about killing his son, and then disappears. The issue ends with Elektra leaving to help Wolverine.

How It Was: Wolverine celebrates its 100th issue with a big, double-sized, character-altering story. Also, there’s a big reflective hologram thing in the middle of the cover. Now I can see where the writers were coming from with this one. Every reader and their mother was predicting that Wolverine would get his adamantium back in issue #100, so the X-office decided to do something different to surprise readers. And I can respect that; it’s good that the writers wanted to keep readers guessing. Hama even structures the villain’s plot to involve putting the metal back in Wolverine, right before pulling the old switcharoo.

And that’s where it all goes bad as the Wolverine creative team turns their eponymous character, arguably the most popular Marvel character of the time, into a giant troll with no nose, huge hands and feet, long nails, and no personality. This, to put it lightly, is terrible. Yes, all of the X-books had been dealing with Wolverine’s feral regression, and they wanted to make Wolverine even more tough and savage, but he looks absolutely ridiculous. This is easily the silliest looking version of Wolverine ever.

The whole story is a bit of misfire, especially since it focuses upon Genesis, who is supposed to be a Cable villain. There’s no real sense of weight or closure after Wolverine kills him because we haven't ever seen him in this series up to this point. I guess turning Wolverine into a Horseman is as good a reason as any to try to put the metal back, but it leads to Logan spending half the double-sized issue in a glass tube. And there is way too much exposition while he’s in the tube with every member of the Dark Riders chiming in for no reason. Zoe is little more than a plot device who disappears when Hama runs out of exposition, but Cannonball does get to shine by taking on a far superior force on behalf of Wolverine. Too bad the twist of Apocalypse not being in the coffin is a total anticlimax.

The parts that work best in this book are right before the big reveal of “new” Wolverine. When he’s stalking the Dark Riders and murdering them one by one, you can’t help but feel like Wolverine is the most badass hero there is. Also, the scene where Wolverine’s body spits out shards of adamantium is kind of cool in a ridiculous, WTF sort of way. It’s unfortunate that this leads to such a boring and silly looking iteration of the old Canucklehead because Hama does manage to get a couple of neat moments out of this particular issue.

C-

Uncanny X-Men #331

2011-07-13T08:33:00.001-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #331
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Bryan Hitch

What Went Down: We open on the members of X-Forces (they’re still living at the mansion?) searching through debris in the middle of a laboratory fire. They are looking for the Beast, but unbeknownst to them, the X-Men’s Beast has been replaced by the Dark Beast from the Age of the Apocalypse, and the fire is being used to cover any differences in his personality. Shatterstar does note that he sounds different, and he is vehement about not going down to the medical station, but nobody questions him.

In her New York apartment, Emma Frost discovers that Iceman has filled her private office with ice. He demands that she sit down to talk. In Colorado, Gambit and Bishop are standing outside, and Bishop tells the story of the first time he saw trees. Inside Xavier wonders about these two X-Men, and why there are so many mysteries about them. Archangel tells the Professor that he’s not returning to Westchester so he and Betsy can recover from their injuries.

Iceman demands that Emma help him master his powers so he can heal the chunk missing from his chest. When she refuses, he starts by freezing the blood flow to her brain. Elsewhere, Scott and Jean have managed to locate the place where the X-Men were brought in X-Men #50. Unfortunately there is a huge crater where the forest should be, and there is absolutely no evidence of Onslaught whatsoever.

Outside Emma’s office, Jubilee and Banshee notice all of the ice forming. Jubilee asks if they should get involved, but Banshee thinks it best for them to resolve it themselves. Bobby shackles Emma with ice, but she continues to taunt him. Using her telepathy, Emma makes Bobby’s father, his ex-girlfriend Opal, and the Beast appear to distract and frustrate him. Iceman explains these illusions can’t work because he is confident in who he is, so Emma tells him to just change back to human form.

Iceman changes back to human form without dying, and Emma apologizes for messing with Bobby. She explains that she felt guilty about the Hellions’ deaths, and it angered her to see him squander his powers when her students weren’t alive to enjoy theirs.

How It Was: This finally resolves the multi-years long arc of Iceman’s frustration with his powers. After this issue, we no longer see him asking people if they consider him a loser or whining about how much he’s wasted his potential. And that in it of itself is very nice. It’s a very roundabout way of doing it, by having Lobdell rehash every Bobby character and relationship beat for the last three years, but the important thing is that it is finally done, and Bobby can move on. I do like how Iceman just gets fed up after receiving his potentially life altering wound, and it’s been a while since we’ve seen Bobby stand up for himself. I don’t quite buy Emma’s excuse for messing with Bobby tying into the deaths of the Hellions; this seems to be Lobdell’s way of writing it off while making her look sympathetic, instead of looking like the manipulative ball buster she should be.

The sequence with Archangel telling Xavier that he’s taking a break is far too drawn out and melodramatic for its own good. It seems unnecessary for Xavier to question Gambit and Bishop’s loyalty, and Warren comes out of left field by accusing Xavier of being manipulative. Although this turns out to be retroactively accurate due to Xavier being Onslaught, without that context it feels forced. Gambit and Bishop yet again pay lipservice to the traitor storyline because that’s being resolved soon. And the “clues” about Onslaught’s power that Scott and Jean discover are completely inconsequential, so you can forget them.

This issue is nothing spectacular, but parts of it do work well. Plus there are some great scenes with Emma verbally abusing Iceman which are a lot of fun.

C+

X-Men #50

2011-07-13T08:29:00.001-04:00

X-Men #50
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Cyclops wakes up tangled in a tree, in his underwear, and without his visor. Storm gets him out, but notes that she has some broken ribs and a twisted ankle. Wolverine comes to, and comments that he wasn’t even at the mansion when he was ambushed, while Storm discovers that Iceman has a huge chunk missing from his chest.

At the mansion, Xavier wakes up to Gateway spinning a portal in Xavier’s room, seemingly trying to abduct him. Xavier also happens to be narrating this issue as well. Bishop bursts in shooting his guns, but Gateway deflects the shots. Jean follows and subdues Gateway; Bishop remarks that it seems as if Gateway wanted to be stopped. Back in the mystery forest, Cyclops is trying to get Iceman to calm down, but Bobby is panicking because of the hole in his chest. He wonders if he’ll ever be able to return to human form.

Wolverine and Storm scout ahead, and Wolverine senses something invisible following them. Logan manages to disable its cloaking device temporarily, and Storm mistakes the threat for Onslaught. Actually this is Post, the herald of Onslaught. He is testing the X-Men to collect data for Onslaught. After knocking the X-Men away, Post fixes his cloaking device and disappears again.

At the mansion, Beast talks to Banshee about the disappearance of Chamber last issue. In an example of horrible planning, after abducting Chamber, Gateway ended up immediately depositing him back at the school, so last issue’s seemingly significant clue is now a dud. Suddenly an outline of Onslaught appears before the X-Men, causing discomfort for the Professor and Jean.

Cyclops and Iceman meet up with Storm and Wolverine to discuss their plan. They pretend to argue and fight, but really they are positioning themselves to attack the only area in the clearing large enough for Post to be in. How Cyclops and Iceman know the size of Post, I’ll never know. Post looks defeated, but he wakes up and conducts his powers through Iceman. Storm has to put him out with a blizzard.

At the mansion, figures out that Onslaught is testing the X-Men. He comes to this conclusion because three of the X-Men taken were energy wielders, whatever that has to do with anything, and finds it interesting that Onslaught had to abduct the X-Men when he should be powerful enough to storm the mansion. He also figures that the captive X-Men were taken to a source of power.

As Post is about to kill Cyclops and Wolverine, Storm senses something unnatural about the forest around them. She tells Iceman to attack everything in the environment, which in some way weakens Post. Iceman chills Post’s brain, and Cyclops finishes him off with an optic blast. This results in the X-Men teleporting back to the mansion for some reason. Onslaught contacts Gateway to tell him that he overestimated the X-Men because they could barely stop Post, the weakest of Onslaught’s soldiers. Then Onslaught threatens the X-Men, saying that no one can stop him, before disappearing.

How It Was: More double-sized comics…NOOOOO! This particular one comes with a spiffy shiny wraparound cardboard stock cover. Oh, nineties comics gimmicks… thank God you’re not still around because comics are already expensive enough nowadays.

This is the first significant mention we’ve had of Onslaught since Uncanny #322, when we learned Onslaught beat up the Juggernaut. It’s also the first appearance of Post, who has the second worst villain name ever, next to Sack of Gene Nation. Because at this point the X-Office was still trying to figure out who or what Onslaught was going to be, this issue is very vague, and the hints it does give turn out to be inconsequential. Post, for example, has no major function during the Onslaught crossover other than fighting a few random heroes.

The sequence of Beast making scientific observations about Onslaught’s plan is one of the worst scenes ever as none of his conclusions make any sense or serve a purpose. Why does Beast have to figure out they’re being tested when the captive X-Men could just tell them the same thing after they get back?

In fact, this entire issue doesn’t make a lot of sense, before or after you learn that Xavier is Onslaught. The whole sequence with Chamber being captured and sent back reeks of poor planning on the part of the writers, and there’s no reason for Onslaught to tell Gateway to abduct Xavier, since he is Xavier. The narration of the issue also seems to indicate that Xavier hasn’t yet been decided upon as the identity of Onslaught, although you could read it as Onslaught being a repressed part of Charles’ mind. And why does Onslaught even bother to test the X-Men when Xavier’s been doing that for years? It seems as if he’s just screwing with them for the sake of being malicious because I can’t think of another reason. Even the fight with Post doesn’t make a lot sense. How is the environment tied to Post? Why would anybody open themselves up to that kind of weakness?

There are far too many plot holes that never get filled. Most of the issue is padded with various members of the X-Men threatening Gateway to talk when he is effectively a mute, and their two telepaths are just sitting there. We also never learn why Gateway is working for Onslaught or what his overall purpose is with abducting various characters. It’s a shame because the setup of the story is rather good with a bunch of handicapped X-Men forced to fight one of Onslaught’s weapons. There’s not a lot to care about within this issue. All we get is the introduction of a C-list villain with Onslaught threatening the heroes from behind the scenes like a Bond villain or something. It’s not very impressive at all.

C-

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #2

2011-07-13T08:26:00.001-04:00

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #2
Writing: John Ostrander
Art: Bryan Hitch and Sal Vellute

What Went Down: At Reverend Connover’s ministry, the police are questioning William as well as recapping readers on the events of last issue. Connover in turn delivers some exposition regarding the original issues where he met the X-Men in Uncanny #242-244. After walking away from the cops, he worries (or should I say “broods,” hee hee) over his wife some more.

Back in the desert, Hannah is still trying to convince the X-Men to kill her to prevent other people from getting hurt. Wolverine is game, but the rest of the X-Men refuse, so Hannah orders her Brood servants to attack. Jean tells them that Hannah told the aliens not to kill anyone, so they know this is meant to be a distraction.

After the Brood retreat, the X-Men split up to find her. Each of the pairs restates their views on the conflict: Bishop explains that in the future some Brood are good, Jean tries to convince Wolverine that any trace of humanity is worth saving, Beast ponders over the scientific potential of Hannah, Iceman and Wolverine think it might be worth listening to Hannah, and Cannonball thinks this might be a genuine miracle.

Hannah’s Brood catch-up with her just as a new squad of Brood elite does as well. Hannah’s Brood are all killed off. Wolverine and Jean find her just in time, followed by the rest of the X-Men. There’s another big fight. Iceman tries to save some of the “good” Brood with his powers, while Cannonball flies Hannah away from the fight. The Brood Elite give chase while the X-Men take the time to debate their plan some more. Wolverine is still gung ho on killing her, but the rest of the X-Men don’t want to take the easy path.

The Brood decide to kidnap Hannah’s husband to use as bait. Hannah senses her husband’s distress, turns into a Brood herself, and knocks Cannonball unconscious. Jean senses Cannonball pass out, and the X-Men set out to find Hannah. In a cave, William comes face-to-face with his wife in alien-form. Surprisingly, he isn’t repulsed and sticks by his oath to love his wife no matter what she is. Hannah tries to fight off the Firstborn Brood, but she is injured. As they are about to be killed, William and Hannah are saved by the X-Men.

Jean comes up with a plan, with the help of Beast and Iceman, to cryogenically freeze Hannah so she won’t have to die, but the Brood will think she’s dead. While the rest of the X-Men hold off the Brood, Iceman pulls it off, and the remaining Brood kill themselves because they think their job is done.

In the epilogue, the X-Men explain that Hannah has to stay frozen until she can be cured somehow. Beast suggests sending her to Muir Isle. At his ministry, Connover gives a sermon about tolerance, love, and hope. An effigy of Jesus appears on the crucifix in the last panel with the X-logo and ‘The End,’ making it look like Jesus is one of the X-Men.

How It Was: Well after the huge moral conflict set up last issue, the X-Men manage to cheat their way out of either choice with a last minute plot twist. To my knowledge there isn’t a story where Hannah is cured, although it could have occurred in Excalibur somewhere. For all I know, Hannah is still sitting around in a drawer at SHIELD or something, waiting to be thawed out.

As for the issue, the first half of it is basically a retread of everything from the last issue. We get the first issue recapped, all the X-Men drive into the ground the reasons they want to save or kill Hannah, Hannah keeps thinking about how guilty she is, her servants sacrifice themselves for her again, and the X-Men fight some more Brood. All of this redundancy really could have been avoided if the story had been contained to one issue, or two regular sized issues. After thirty or so pages, we get it: Wolverine thinks she should die, so we can move on now.

The second half of the issue works a lot better. Hannah’s husband is kidnapped, so there’s some investment in whether he’s going to survive or even accept her. Hannah is wounded to build some tension. And the final fight does have some cool moments to it, especially Iceman pushing a huge ice stalagmite through a Brood as he tries to get to Hannah. Ostrander even manages to get some emotional mileage out of the end when Jean telepathically tells William that he can’t let Hannah know what is going on, or the Brood will read her mind. The final battle works really well, it’s unfortunate that Hannah’s fate is never resolved.

Hitch had some problems finishing this issue up, so Vellute is sent in—a name I am wholly unfamiliar with. Even the panels that are clearly Hitch seem a little more rushed than last issue; he has some problems with people’s noses, especially Wolverine’s. This story is nice and straightforward, but I can’t get past the feeling that over half of this issue is unnecessary as far as advancing the plot goes.

C-

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #1

2011-07-13T08:23:00.002-04:00

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #1
Writing: John Ostrander
Art: Bryan Hitch

What Went Down: In a long-winded prologue accompanied by some gorgeous art, a member of the alien race the Brood explains their back story: that they are all part of a hive mind that needs to lay eggs in other species for reproduction. This prologue seems to be part of a shared nightmare between Jean Grey and a woman named Hannah Connover. Jean wakes up, and we find out that she and Scott are on vacation in Arizona with Jean’s family. Jean telepathically contacts the Professor, and Xavier in turn summons the rest of the X-Men. Xavier explains that they are going to be fighting the Brood, and then the X-Men leave to meet Cyclops and Phoenix.

At a ministry in Arizona, Reverend William Connover and his wife Hannah are having an argument over Hannah’s nightmares and secrets. In a dropped subplot from way, way back in Uncanny X-Men #232-234, Hannah went with a mysterious woman to try to cure her arthritic hands. This issue picks up on that eight-year-old thread by revealing that the woman was a Brood that impregnated Hannah with a Brood Queen. Hannah was healed, and she has been miraculously “curing” some of her husband’s followers by turning them into Brood as well. While looking at a crucifix, she has a change of heart, and somehow she was able to overcome the Brood influence to her mind. She feels very guilty about all of this, but she can’t tell her husband.

At the Grand Canyon the Brood that turned Hannah, named Josey, meets with some pods full of elite Firstborn Brood, sent directly from the Brood Empress. Their mission is to eliminate Hannah because she has gained freewill, as well as all Brood she has created and Josey for producing the anomalous Brood Queen.

Cyclops and Jean show up at the Crusade, and Scott worries that they are going to upset one of the few religious leaders that is accepting of mutants. Jean detects the Brood in Hannah, but also the fact that Hannah is still in control. Meanwhile, Hannah is going into town with two parishioners that do not know that they have been infected by Hannah. The Brood are waiting for her, and attack. Hannah’s followers try to defend her by turning into Brood, but they are killed. Meanwhile, other people that Hannah has infected are summoned by a mental distress call.

Cyclops and Phoenix show up to protect Hannah. There’s a big fight, and right when they’re about to be overwhelmed, the rest of the X-Men show up. An even bigger fight proceeds, and eventually the X-Men manage to kill all of the aliens with an exploding gas truck.

Later, the X-Men have to decide what to do to Hannah. Wolverine wants to kill her and be done with it, but Beast wants to study her to find out how she can avoid the Brood’s control. Bishop mentions that in the future there are several factions of Brood, some even friendly; Hannah is potentially the cause of these benign factions. Hannah asks the X-Men to kill her because she is constantly in contact with the Brood, and they won’t stop sending soldiers to kill her until she’s dead.

How It Was: *Gasp* Two double-sized mini-series issues (with no ads), followed by a double-sized anniversary issue—I don’t know how much more of this I can take. This particular mini wasn’t actually published until after the Onslaught event was under way, but it has to take place at this point because Beast hasn’t been replaced by Dark Beast, Iceman doesn’t have a hole in his gut, and Wolverine hasn’t been turned into a monkey-dog creature yet.

This is yet another odd story that started life as someone remembering a dropped subplot that everyone else had forgotten about, including most readers. Realistically, its only purpose is to offer a straightforward X-Men story as an alternative for readers who didn’t really care for the bogged down, continuity tangle that was the Onslaught crossover.

As far as the story goes, it’s not too bad. Instead of the smaller stories that Lobdell and Waid had been doing that focused on only two or three X-Men at a time, Ostrander presents an epic that requires the combined forces of most of the regular team. It had actually been a while since we’d seen this, minus the Onslaught stories. And the story actually delivers on the action as the X-Men enjoy a good fourteen or fifteen page fight with the eponymous aliens. Nice and straightforward.

The central conflict is also pretty compelling in that the X-Men have to decide between the practical, quick solution vs. the more ethical, but seemingly impossible choice of protecting Hannah from an endless wave of aliens. All of the parties make solid cases, and I like how Bishop’s knowledge of the future is used in the decision-making; I never understood why the X-Men didn’t use him more in this manner.

The issue’s main weakness is that there isn’t really enough story to fill ninety-six pages with no ads at all. The prologue is a huge never ending dump of exposition, although the pictures of the Brood in space and conquering other species are gorgeous. Hannah and William are one-dimensional characters that constantly reiterate the same beats every time they are on panel: Hannah feels guilty about infecting people and lying to her husband, William feels frustrated that his wife won’t tell her what is bothering her. This is all these two characters talk or think about in every scene they’re in, and in forty-eight pages they are in a lot of scenes.

There’s also plenty of page filler as the book takes its time introducing each individual X-Man, or repeating the exposition about the Brood for “the sake of the X-Men who haven’t faced them.” Heck, Hannah’s flashback takes up four pages when it easily could have been contained to one.

Hitch’s art is really the highlight of the issue. All of the X-Men look awesome, although some of the close-ups of Wolverine look a little rough. But the action is solidly paced and the elite Brood warriors look really cool. I’m not a fan of the designs for Hannah’s Brood followers, but most of them get killed instantly so there’s not a lot to worry about.

This is a pretty good story that probably could have worked better in just forty-eight pages, or maybe something around sixty pages. When it works, it works really well, but there is a lot here that is completely ancillary to the plot. As a result, this issue often feels more like a cash-grab then a classic X-Men story.

B-

Uncanny X-Men #330

2011-07-07T20:20:00.002-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #330
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Jeph Loeb
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Archangel (now dressed in a kimono) and Wolverine (now dressed in a see-through mesh shirt!?) are being led to a secret, sacred area by Gomurr. The costumes are necessary because of tradition for something. Inside the building there are lots of dragon decorations and shadow ninja demons. Dr. Strange teleports in and Wolverine appears to stab him, but really he is attacking a ninja demon behind him. The demons are called undercloaks, and a big fight ensues with them.

At the Xavier Estate, Gambit is watching over the unconscious Psylocke, thinking about how she might know his secret. When Psylocke starts seizing, Gambit briefly considers letting her die to ensure his secret, but ultimately ends up calling Beast to help her because he is a hero.

Meanwhile, our heroes appear to be descending into what looks to be hell. Archangel is struggling because of his injury, and Dr. Strange suggests that he should go back. Warren refuses. The heroes come upon Tar, the Proctor of the Crimson Dawn. Tar already knows what they want, and Wolverine is ready to start a fight, but Gomurr stops him and instead tries asking for it. Tar appears to kill Gomurr, and another fight ensues.

Back at the mansion, Beast and Xavier are doing their best to save Betsy. While Wolverine attacks Tar, Dr. Strange shows Archangel a big glowing ball; the ball shows them that Betsy is about to die. Dr. Strange reaches into Archangel and pulls out a statue of Psylocke that is supposed to be, I kid you not, “the part of her soul that she has trusted to Warren.” Strange puts the statue in the glowing ball, and at the mansion Psylocke is bombarded by a red light that brings her back to life. Wolverine, Strange, and Warren are kicked out of the dimension, and Gomurr materializes to show that he is not dead. Strange remarks in his head that even though they won, the battle for Psylocke’s soul has only just begun.

How It Was: The first half of this issue is a very slight improvement over last issue. While most of the dialogue is still exposition, the mystical characters are given some humorous lines, like Gomurr’s explanation of how one becomes ‘Gomurr the Ancient’ or Tar’s exclamation “and people call me unstable” when he sees Wolverine fighting. And Gambit gets some nice moments where he is conflicted about Psylocke’s death because he doesn’t want the other X-Men to discover his secret.

Still the rest of the story is pretty weak, as is some of the dialogue; Beast tells Gambit that he is going to try his “gosh darndest” to save Betsy. Who would say that? Xavier’s dialogue is no better as he proceeds to dump a bunch of unnecessary exposition about Psylocke’s past injuries while he is trying to save her. Plus the sequence where Dr. Strange talks about the part of Betsy’s soul that she gave to Warren is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read in a comic book. Although both Loeb and Lobdell are credited as writers, I feel like it is safe to say that the dialogue was probably mostly Loeb’s responsibility, for better or worse.

Also, there’s still the problem that this still feels like a stock plot that you could plug any Marvel characters into. I can’t say that I really care about any of the new characters introduced in the story, and the story itself doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Why is the doorway to hell in a Chinese New Year decoration warehouse? Why is Wolverine wearing a see-through mesh shirt? Why is Dr. Strange here when Gomurr is perfectly capable of supplying all of the exposition? And don’t get me started on the weak attempt at conflict in the middle of the issue when Dr. Strange starts an argument over Archangel’s health.

So there’s not a lot to recommend in this issue, unless you’re a fan of super heroes in stories about magical macguffins that don’t fit the tone of the series.

D-

Uncanny X-Men #329

2011-07-07T20:18:00.003-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #329
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Jeph Loeb
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: The Sorcerer Supreme Dr. Strange is observing Wolverine and Archangel with a cauldron. He announces that the X-Men will need his help whether they realize it or not. So right away we know we’re dealing with a story about magic.

In “Little Asia” Wolverine is leading Warren to a teahouse in search of a mystical maguffin to save Psylocke. Wolverine explains that there are aspects of this world that are unexplained but still exist. Warren complains the whole time that he should be by Betsy’s side and that Wolverine is probably losing it. Logan convinces him to stay, and right as Warren is about to drink his tea, Logan hits it away. The cup smashes on the ground and turns into a magic ninja shadow warrior thing.

The shadow warrior attacks, and Warren struggles to fight it due to his injured wing from the Sabretooth Special. Wolverine tells him that the creature is metal sensitive, but Archangel can’t seem to hurt it because all the parts he cuts off turn into separate demons. Wolverine stabs an old lady and the demon disappears. Archangel is convinced Wolverine just murdered an elderly woman, but Logan reaches inside the body and pulls out an ancient sensei-type named Gomurr the Ancient.

Gomurr and Wolverine seem to know each other, and we learn that the ghosts were a test. Wolverine tells Gomurr that they are after a pint of the Crimson Dawn from the Ebon Vein, but Gomurr refuses to help until Wolverine threatens him. Dr. Strange shows up at the end and tells them that he will be joining them on their journey.

How It Was: This is an odd turn of events. Instead of seeking out some kind of scientific medical treatment, Wolverine and Archangel go off on a mystical samurai buddy adventure. I have to say that the premise alone completely turns me off as I feel like it sets a bad precedent to save characters’ lives through magic. After all, it brings up the question of why they don’t do the same thing every time somebody is severely injured. Plus magic has never really been very central to the X-Men mythos, other than the more recent Decimation. It leads to a generic story that you could plug any two random Marvel heroes into and it would still feel the same.

Now Archangel and Wolverine aren’t bad choices since they’ve never gotten along, and they both care about Psylocke. Unfortunately their relationship doesn’t really grow in any meaningful way; Warren complains a lot until Wolverine is proved right, and then Warren apologizes. That’s it as far as fleshing out the relationship goes. Dr. Strange doesn’t feel necessary to this story other than to assist with the readers' acceptance of a story about magic.

And while the ghost ninja things look pretty cool, the story devolves into silliness when the driving force behind the story is revealed to be an elderly, ever-smiling little person. It’s ridiculous to look at, and completely erodes any drama set up by the potential death of Psylocke. Worse yet, we’re dealing with the Crimson Dawn, which is reminiscent of the Siege Perilous—a plot device dimension that alters characters in random ways (memory loss, new powers, teleportation, etc.) This is really weird, and really bad.

D-

X-Men #49

2011-07-07T20:15:00.005-04:00

X-Men #49
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Mark Waid
Art: Jeff Matsuda

What Went Down: The issue begins with Pamela Greenwood, the waitress from last issue, under fire behind the counter at Harry’s Hideaway. Bishop has apparently lost it and attacked her, convinced that she has been spying on him. Beast happens to be in the neighborhood and shows up to try to stop him. After knocking Beast unconscious, Bishop calms down and questions his own actions. Pamela seems rather calm and offers to talk with him, but a police officer interrupts them. Bishop uses the last of his stored energy to knock out the cop, and Pamela takes him to her apartment to protect him.

At the Massachusetts Academy, home of Generation X, Gateway has appeared, and Banshee is looking to investigate. Gateway sucks Chamber into a portal and disappears. Banshee asks M if she picked up anything telepathically, and of course she picked up only one word—Onslaught.

Beast wakes up with a cop pointing a rifle in his face. He decides that the best move is to deactivate his image inducer to reveal his true form. At Pamela’s apartment, her kitten is resting on the sleeping Bishop. Pamela picks it up, and when she turns around, Bishop is pointing a gun at her. Pamela starts crying and Bishop relents. The next page reveals that Dark Beast is coaching her on what to do while observing Bishop. Pamela is a result of scanning Bishop’s brain to find qualities that he might find appealing in a woman. We also see a captive Havok in the background. Dark Beast decides that the best course of action is to have Pamela kill Bishop.

Regular Beast has escaped the pursuing cops and is looking for Bishop. He sees Bishop fly through a window and realizes that he was right about Pamela, who turns out to be a mutant assassin called Fatale. Fatale alerts Dark Beast to the standard Beast, who the evil McCoy has never seen before. Dark Beast orders her to abort the mission, so Fatale tries to escape. She accidentally ruptures a gas line, which appears to blow her up, but really only covers her escape. Bishop feels vindicated that he was right about the waitress, while the Dark Beast begins work on assimilating the real Henry McCoy.

How It Was: Because you forgot about it, Scott Lobdell reveals the identity of the waitress at Harry’s Hideaway. Since she turns out to be an assassin working for Dark Beast it’s probably safe to say that this wasn’t the original intention for her character. Then again, since Dark Beast has been retroactively retconned into past Marvel continuity, this works as kind of a cute way to demonstrate the AoA McCoy’s influence and reach. But for someone who has been in the regular Marvel Universe for twenty odd years, the fact that he doesn’t know who the regular Beast is is really baffling. After all, the standard Beast has been a member of the Avengers as well as a respected doctor who does a lot of public work. It sort of makes Dark Beast come off like an idiot if he didn’t think to check for himself in this universe.

For the most part this is a Bishop centric issue, and his personality is all over the place. Lobdell and Waid seem to be going for a fracturing of Bishop’s mental state. The fact that he doesn’t know if he can trust his own carefully honed instincts is pretty interesting. But I dislike that he keeps reverting between normal Bishop and his old shoot first/ask questions later personality whenever the plot necessitates. Waid does an admirable job of trying to make Pamela sympathetic, but it’s kind of obvious that she is either playing him or she has the worst judgment ever when she brings a lunatic back to her apartment. Beast’s judgment is also a little iffy, as I would think that changing your appearance to a blue-haired beast would be the fastest way to get shot by the cops.

Ultimately, it’s still hard to get over the fact that we’re dealing with a plot point from so far back in X-continuity. It’s an okay issue, but other than Dark Beast learning about himself, it doesn’t feel very significant. I will say that Jeff Matsuda does a pretty great job; I can’t help but smile at panels of Bishop holding a kitten. There’s nothing really substantial going on.

C-

X-Men #48

2011-07-07T20:14:00.003-04:00

X-Men #48
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Luke Ross

What Went Down: The X-Men are taking part in a friendly game of poker at Warren Worthington’s private loft, including a guest appearance from Ben Grimm of the Fantastic Four. Beast is frustrated that Cannonball keeps revealing his cards. The Thing takes off to go save the universe, so Sam takes his spot in the game. Gambit and Storm have a conversation to recap the recent injury to Psylocke in Uncanny #328 and the fate of Sabretooth.

Meanwhile Bishop is describing a flashback/nightmare from the Age of Apocalypse to Cyclops and Jean Grey; in it a shadowy person that appears to be Havok is chasing him. Cyclops tells him that he and Jean have had similar experiences after raising his son Nathan in the future, but Bishop is frustrated by his disorientation. The waitress, Pam, comes to take their order—this is the woman Bishop thought was familiar from way back in Uncanny #299, an issue from almost two and a half years before this one.

It turns out that Bishop is being monitored by the Dark Beast, although the X-office doesn’t want to use that name. After the Age of Apocalypse, Dark Beast was transported twenty years into the X-Men’s past, where he has been experimenting on the Morlocks. In this issue he is meeting with his fellow AoA refugee, the Sugar Man. Both villains have a deal where they share intel, and Sugar Man feels out of the loop. After a standoff at gunpoint from both parties, they agree to calm down.

At the Xavier Institute, Xavier is watching over the mortally injured Psylocke. She wakes up and notes how tired Xavier looks. She assures him that she knew the risks involved and that it is not his fault. Back at the card game, it turns out that Cannonball is a bit of a ringer as he’s won a vast amount of chips. It’s down to Sam and Gambit, so Storm excuses herself to go to the kitchen. Bobby follows to ask Storm to tutor him in his powers since both of their powers involve harnessing the elements. She agrees, but to my knowledge nothing ever comes of this.

In Dark Beast’s lair, McCoy discusses how Bishop is a time anomaly that shouldn’t exist, and that he was the same person as his counterpart in AoA. Dark Beast also mentions that this information might be valuable to Sinister, which scares them both.

During the last hand, Gambit taunts Cannonball with some sleight of hand tricks; this triggers some great realization about the Legacy Virus for Beast, but nothing ever comes of this either. Inside the lair, Dark Beast shows off a creepy brain matter being that filters thought into data. He and Sugar Man decide that they need to kill Bishop so Sinister cannot use him to find out about the Age of Apocalypse. In the card game, Cannonball lays down a full house. Gambit has a royal flush, but he blows up the fifth card, along with the table, even though he has the winning hand. The message seems to be that Gambit doesn’t like to be predictable or wants people to underestimate him or something.

How It Was: This is another story that comes straight out of left field. It feels like Lobdell is treading water until a replacement writer can be found for X-Men, so instead of starting any new threads, he’s sticking to character moments and resolving old plot threads that never went anywhere. And when I say old, I mean practically ancient, totally forgotten threads. We’re reintroduced to Pam, the mysteriously familiar waitress from Uncanny #299. It’s nice that Lobdell is finally resolving this point, but I can’t help but feel that everyone has forgotten about the one panel where Bishop recognizes her from almost three years before.

As for the X-Men, a lot of their arcs are going around in circles. After asking Jean for help with his powers last issue, now Bobby is coming to Storm, which is fine except that once again nothing ever comes of this. Bishop is still haunted by the AoA, and Scott and Jean are still trying to empathize with him, but this doesn’t really work since the couple was never seen going through any of this. At least Lobdell seems to be going someplace with this by setting up Bishop as a potential obstacle for the machinations of the Dark Beast, although once again it is never quite revealed why he is so afraid of Mr. Sinister.

The poker game is an entertaining aside, and it’s a surprise to see Cannonball purposely mess with Beast, but mostly it’s an excuse for exposition about Sabretooth’s escape and the Legacy Virus. Plus, I don’t really understand what the point is of bringing in The Thing for a whopping three pages. The end is kind of perplexing, as I can’t really tell what exactly Lobdell is trying to say about Gambit, other than maybe he likes to be seen as volatile.

This is yet another lukewarm issue of X-Men. I don’t hate it; I’m kind of ambivalent to it all. Sure it’s refreshing to see Cannonball written as confident, but there are so many false starts in this issue that never come to anything that it is hard to care.

C

Sabretooth Special #1

2011-06-29T15:34:00.003-04:00

Sabretooth Special #1
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Gary Frank

What Went Down: After escaping the X-Men in Uncanny #328, Sabretooth encounters current X-Force member, and former Morlock, Caliban. Sabretooth taunts Caliban, saying that X-Force won’t allow him to be himself. When Caliban hesitates, Creed electrocutes him with some nearby electrical wires.

We learn that the X-Men squad tasked to capture Sabretooth is made up of the five original X-Men. Jean scans the city telepathically, but for some reason Creed’s head wound now makes it harder for telepaths to find him. Cyclops and Iceman go to one of Sabretooth’s apartments to see if he shows up there. He does, and beats up the two X-Men before escaping. Iceman pursues, but he is forced to ice off Creed’s escape after Sabretooth takes a hostage.

Sabretooth escapes to a subway, but wouldn’t you know it, the Beast coincidentally happens to be on board. So they fight as well. As Sabretooth is about to kill Beast Cyclops shows up in the nick of time, so Creed runs away again.

This time Archangel catches up to him and grabs him off the ground, believing that Creed will have nowhere to go in the air. Sabretooth damages one of Warren’s wings, causing both of them to fall, but Iceman manages to save Warren with some ice. While Iceman takes Archangel to the hospital, the rest of the X-Men continue the search.

Jean manages to pick up some thoughts from Sabretooth, and learns that he is trying to get to Boston to kill the Generation X kids. She finds him, and knocks him around with her telekinesis. Cyclops blasts him, but he gets faked out and pulled through a window. The X-Men give him a lecture on why it is important to be good as they fight him, all the while asking Sabretooth what he wants and why he is doing this. Jean gets a hold of him telekinetically, and Cyclops realizes that the thing Sabretooth wants is his own death. Jean drops Creed, and Cyclops has to shoot him in the head to stop him from hurting some cops.

Creed seems to die, but we all know that isn’t going to last. Val Cooper packs him up so that he can join X-Factor. Cyclops tells his friends that it’s sad that Sabretooth technically won since he got what he wanted.

How It Was: Fabian Nicieza returns to the X-Men for this special one-shot, with its shiny cover and lack of advertisements. Yes, this is the same format that the Age of Apocalypse one-shots had, except this doesn’t feel nearly as epic an event as those did. This feels like a genuine attempt at a cash grab since all of the gimmicks feel completely unnecessary. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have no ads, but this comic is definitely not worth five bucks.

This isn’t to say that this comic is bad; this just doesn’t really feel like that pivotal of an event for the X-Men. Nicieza does manage to present a really neat portrait of Sabretooth. Instead of revealing Sabretooth’s motivations, Nicieza leaves them up in the air and this actually works to some degree. It’s also frustrating to have months and months of set up be brushed aside as "Creed was faking it" for unknown reasons. What is neat to see is all the other characters guessing at his motivations: he’s angry, he’s enjoying his freedom, he’s planning revenge, or maybe he wants to die. The whole idea of the book seems to be that nobody knows what Sabretooth wants, including himself, and there is kind of an interesting idea in that which doesn’t get fully explored here.

The original X-Men are an odd choice for the stars of this one-shot. Surely characters like Wolverine, Gambit, and Bishop have closer ties to Sabretooth and thus would have been more interesting to bring into conflict with him. I guess that Nicieza was looking for X-Men to combat Creed’s philosophies as well as his body. But I really like the dynamic he has with Jean Grey where, like Wolverine, he respects her because she is willing to do what is necessary to him because she hates him as much as Logan does. And the scene where Archangel gets his wing broken is pretty shocking, but unfortunately leads to months of him complaining about how much his wing hurts. There’s a little too much sermonizing from the X-Men on the importance of control and knowing one’s purpose, but that’s them taking the high ground; it would be weird if these particular X-Men were only throwing insults back at him.

The real problem with the plot is that it’s trying to set up Sabretooth as this psychopathic killer that needs to be captured before who can kill hundreds of people, but then he never kills anybody. He has plenty of opportunities with the X-Men, Caliban, police officers, various hostages and random people, but he always lets them go. This probably has to do with the Comics Code, but it really cuts the drama to have a violent killer who forgoes every opportunity he has to kill.

The end is completely anti-climactic since we all know that Sabretooth can heal himself, so why even go through the motions of pretending he’s dead? And the fact that the telepaths can’t track him, but can read his mind just enough for plot convenience is a little contrived. But this is still a pretty good chase scene for a character that did play a significant role in the X-Men for a time. The plot isn’t exactly revolutionary, and this probably didn’t need to be double-sized, but it does get the job done with some decent action.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #328

2011-06-29T15:32:00.001-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #328
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Professor X has decided that Sabretooth is a lost cause, so he and the X-Men are getting ready to turn Creed over to Valerie Cooper of X-Factor. Xavier is happy that he tried, even though we never saw it on panel. Jean shows Bishop and Cyclops that Sabretooth was faking his rehabilitation by demonstrating that the serene forest scene that he had been spending time in looked like a creepy haunted wood with dead carcasses through Sabretooth’s mental perspective. Bishop thinks they should kill Creed, but Cyclops argues that they can’t kill everyone who disagrees with their beliefs. Bishop brings up the repressed memories of the Age of Apocalypse that he has been seeing and expresses frustration that Xavier is too busy to help him. Scott and Jean reflect on their own experiences with time compression from The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix.

Sabretooth continues to argue with Xavier, trying to get Charles to admit he is jealous of Creed’s freedom. Val Cooper interrupts to check in. Jean and Cyclops try to comfort Xavier about his guilt for failing, but Xavier brushes them off.

Boomer from X-Force shows up in Sabretooth’s cell. She is angry that Sabretooth was faking his injuries because she felt a connection with him when she was helping to rehabilitate him. Psylocke watches silently, while conveying support that Tabitha is standing up for herself. Sabretooth manages to anger Boomer, causing her to blow up his restraints. Once free, Creed is about to kill the girl, but Psylocke intervenes and a big fight begins. Psylocke tries to end the fight with her psychic knife, but it turns out that the injury to his brain that Wolverine gave him now makes Creed immune to telepathy. So Sabretooth ends up gutting Psylocke. The other X-Men respond, but it is too late; Sabretooth has escaped.

How It Was: So despite saving the Gen X kids during the Phalanx saga, and being a hero in Age of Apocalypse, and the head wound that seemingly made him gentler, Lobdell decides to write Sabretooth back into being a villain. There’s nothing wrong with this except for the fact that it’s such an anti-climax after a plot line that has lasted for almost three years. Xavier’s change of heart feels very sudden, and although there are legitimate reasons for turning Creed over, it’s hard not to feel like Xavier is just giving up since we never actually saw him try to help the villain. I guess you could write it off as foreshadowing of some kind for Onslaught.

It’s also surprising to see that X-Force is still living at the mansion, but this goes on for many more months. I like the interaction between Boomer and Sabretooth, although the point he gets her to overreact on seems to be Cannonball learning about her past as a villain, which he is already aware of. Psylocke gets some nice moments to shine, since she hasn’t had anything to do in about half a year.

Sorry to say, but the art really lets this issue down, as it is definitely not Joe Mad’s best work. Sabretooth is drawn with ridiculous proportions this issue; I’m talking like Strong Guy from X-Factor proportions. He looks like he has an absurd amount of muscles this issue. Also, the main dramatic crux of the issue, Psylocke getting mortally wounded, doesn’t have the impact it could’ve since Psylocke is essentially drawn with her eyes closed. This isn’t really the artist’s fault so much as the Comics Code Authority of the time, but it still reduces the effectiveness of what should be a fairly shocking event; the artist just isn’t allowed to properly show what happened to her.

This is actually an okay set up to a couple of stories that are not so great. While I admire Lobdell for trying to put some of the focus back on Psylocke, the results of the upcoming story end up complicating her even more while delivering a mediocre story. Still I guess this issue does have some unexpected moments, at least if you can manage to ignore the cover.

B-

Uncanny X-Men #327

2011-06-29T15:29:00.002-04:00

Uncanny X-Men #327
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Roger Cruz

What Went Down: A group of South American orphans discover the unconscious body of Magneto. The children are scared away when he wakes up, but Magneto is met by an attractive nun with a shotgun. Reacting with his powers, Magneto pushes the gun away, and then falls unconscious again.

When he next wakes up, Magneto is tied to a bed. The woman introduces herself as Sister Maria, offers Magneto food, and unties him. We learn that Magneto has amnesia, and when he shaves his beard we also discover that he has de-aged to his twenties; even he comments on how wrong this feels.

Not knowing his true identity, one of the children names him Joseph. Sister Maria has an old issue of Time with the X-Men on the cover, so she is aware that he might be a mutant. Joseph tries to share a romantic moment with Sister Maria, but she is committed to her faith.

A month later, Joseph is busy fixing a tractor with his powers when a man named Colonel Ramos approaches. All of the children explain that he is a jerk, and possibly corrupt. A week later, Joseph finds the barn on fire. He catches up to the Colonel and threatens the man with his powers to find out where Sister Maria and the children are.

In a basement, Sister Maria comforts the children. After they hear a commotion, Joseph opens the door. Unfortunately, he killed many men to get to the children, and this causes all of them to be frightened of him. Joseph leaves the next day. Sister Maria gives him the issue of Time, suggesting that he search out the X-Men.

In the end we learn that Sister Maria was recounting the story to a priest. She claims that she suspected that Joseph was Magneto and wonders if she did the right thing. The father reassures her that all they can do is pray and hope for the best.

How It Was: Scott Lobdell keeps switching it up with the unexpected formats. This issue we get a single self-contained story: no subplots, no recaps of other stories. There aren’t even any X-Men in this story; it’s just catching up with Magneto from beginning to end. The big twist of the story is that Magneto is now Joseph: a younger Magneto without his tragic past. Lobdell is obviously taking on the “nature vs nurture” debate by exploring what Magneto might be like if he didn’t have all the emotional baggage from suffering through the Holocaust.

And that’s a pretty interesting direction to go as far as giving Magneto a second chance after all the bad things he’s done. Inevitably though, it leads to the same reoccurring character beats of Joseph feeling guilty for being a former villain and frustrated by his amnesia and its cause. Although it seems like Scott Lobdell is really pushing the fact that Joseph is the true Magneto, Joseph’s origin eventually turns out to be a generic clone story, which is really disappointing.

As for the story itself, it’s a stock plot of an amnesiac finding family among strangers, but it still works rather well. Yes, Joseph doesn’t have a full personality yet, and Sister Maria is a little too “perfect” as far as looks and personality. Really Maria and the children are more of a plot device, and the point of the story is to show that Joseph can potentially become good or evil. The best part of course is Joseph’s return to darkness where he tortures the Colonel and murders all of the children’s captors. It’s a shame that later Joseph issues didn’t play up the will he/won’t he turn evil aspect as much; Joseph stays pretty benevolent and guilt ridden for the most part during his career as an X-Man.

The twist that Joseph is younger than Magneto does add some mystery and speculation to the character, but the twist itself is mostly superficial. Joseph’s control over his powers seems absolute even though he should be a novice, and most artists just draw him as Magneto with long hair, so there is no real differentiation other than his personality. Normally this would be too big of a tangent to take away from the main X-Men storylines, but at this point, with Age of Apocalypse just ended and Onslaught still being worked out, this is the perfect time for this story. And unlike the similar Adam-X aside in X-Men #39, this character actually turns out to have an impact on the book for a significant amount of time. It’s not exactly redefining the genre, but it is one of the more competent efforts during this era in X-Men.

B

X-Men #47

2011-06-24T19:27:00.001-04:00

X-Men #47
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: The X-Babies find themselves in Little Italy after running away from Gog and Magog last issue. A priest stops to help them and this affords them a chance to recap the plot. Gog and Magog show up, and the X-Babies keep running.

The club from last issue has been completely destroyed, but Bishop and Gambit were somehow able to survive and blow themselves out of the rubble. Gambit reasserts that he would never willingly hurt the X-Men, but Bishop brushes him off so they can go look for the X-Babies.

At the bookstore, Baby Storm and Baby Iceman are fighting with each other, but Jean uses her powers to hide them from the crowd. The X-Babies convince the two X-Men to help them; Iceman mentions that they aren’t real, but Jean detects psionic imprints, so even if they started out as artificial lifeforms, they are alive now.

The rest of the X-Babies hide in a carnival stuffed animal shelf while Gog and Magog tear the carnival apart. Gambit and Bishop show up to save the day, but the fight ends with the X-Men pinned. The X-Babies decide to help fight back with water pistols and a mallet. Then Jean and Bobby show up with rest of the X-Babies to help out. They freeze the bad guys, but the bad guys break out. Magog is about to eat all the X-Babies when a blinding light interrupts him. The light came from former X-Man and current co-leader of Mojoworld, Dazzler.

Gog and Magog refer to her as “your majesty” but Dazzler insists that she has no role in the new political structure; she teleports the two minions away after chastising them. Dazzler then tells the kids that they can live with her and Longshot until the political situation stabilizes in Mojoworld. The X-Men share pleasantries with Dazzlers, and Jean interrupts Iceman from asking about all the mouths to feed. As the X-Babies teleport away, Jean tells Iceman that she didn’t sense any life within Alison, inferring that she had a miscarriage. At the mansion, Xavier summons Tabitha Smith, aka Boomer, to explain to her that she is turning Sabretooth over to the government in Uncanny #328.

How It Was: Well…this is something different. Scott Lobdell tries to lighten things up a little with the X-Babies, but the problem is that none of the humor is particularly clever, or for that matter funny. All of the jokes revolve around the cuteness and immaturity of the X-Babies, which can be hilarious when done right: see Runaways’ Molly Hayes. But none of these jokes are really funny, although Kubert’s representations are cute enough to make you smile when you see them.

As for the rest, well we’ve dumped most of the characterization for faster paced action, but it’s action against Gog and Magog, so I can’t imagine anybody caring. And the whole thing resolves itself anti-climactically when we learn that the two minions mixed up their orders. Seeing Dazzler is kind of neat, except it’s only for about three pages—enough time for the X-Men to say hi real quickly. And I never understood why Jean assumes Dazzler had a miscarriage; she hasn’t been seen for thirty-six issues, surely that’s enough time in comic time for a pregnancy to come to term. Heck, Ka-Zar and Shanna’s pregnancy happened almost entirely off-panel, and then that baby just kind of disappeared. But I digress.

This is a very weird story that doesn’t work because it isn’t all that funny and it wraps up a little too neatly for its own good. Really it’s a bit of a disaster, but the art is nice.

D

X-Men #46

2011-06-24T19:25:00.002-04:00

X-Men #46
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Gambit is taking Bishop out for a night at an underground gambling establishment that he knows of. Bishop doesn’t take kindly to being frisked at the door, so he beats up the bouncers. It’s quite clear he does not view this as a fun night out.

At the same time, Iceman is helping Jean shop for books for her niece and nephew. Actually he’s using this opportunity to talk about his self-confidence issues with his powers. In an underground base in the mid-west, some soldiers are investigating the disappearance of fifteen scientists while talking to Senator Kelly. All of the computer screens have the words “Onslaught” on them.

At the club, Gambit asks Bishop whether he still thinks Gambit might be the traitor; Bishop admits that he trusts that Gambit’s intentions are pure, although he still thinks Gambit might turn out to be the traitor.

At the gambling tables some of the patrons feel something rubbing against their legs. They pull out guns, look under the tables, and discover the X-Babies. Two of the gamblers threaten to kill the X-Babies, but they defend themselves with their powers. When people try to intervene, Gambit and Bishop take it upon themselves to protect the children.

At the bookstore, Bobby asks Jean to check his mind for signs of Emma Frost. After discussing the progress of her own powers in comparison to Bobby’s, the two are interrupted by the Iceman and Storm X-Babies. In South America outside a barn, a young woman comes across an unconscious Magneto.

After Bishop and Gambit finish off the mob, the children tell them that they are on the run from Gog and Magog. At that moment, the two Mojoworld villains appear from a portal announcing that they are going to cancel the X-Babies.

How It Was: Well Scott Lobdell’s workload doubles as he takes over writing duties for standard X-Men as well as Uncanny. It’s obvious that with this first arc he is trying for a story with a lighter tone, since the last year of X-books has been killer diseases and post-apocalyptic wastelands. The problem is, he goes about doing this with the X-Babies.

Now the X-Babies—miniature child versions of the regular X-Men—began life in a short story by Chris Claremont, who was parodying the way that Marvel was capitalizing on the X-Men’s success with numerous spinoffs. Of course in the eighties there was only like two or three spinoffs and in the nineties there were a lot more.

Anyways, Lobdell’s take on the X-Babies doesn’t seem to be trying to satirize anything. Instead, he’s playing them straight as children with super powers, which is fine, but it isn’t very interesting or funny. All of the jokes revolve around the children adorably begging for help and arguing with each other, or they revolve around X-Baby Cyclops’ lisp, which gets quite old. On top of that, we get a cliffhanger introducing D-list villains Gog and Magog for next issue, so there’s not a whole lot to look forward to with this story.

Iceman is still worrying about how little he’s done with his powers, a plot point that feels like it has been going on for years. The one shining character thread of this comic belongs to Gambit. After being rejected by Rogue for being unable to reveal aspects of his past, it’s interesting to see Gambit gravitate to Bishop, the other X-Man who doesn’t trust him. What we see is Remy hiding behind his scoundrel side while trying to see if he can convince Bishop that he is not a bad guy, in hopes that he might someday be able to do the same for Rogue and the rest of the X-Men. It’s rather touching to see such a subtle and complex reaction as the fallout from the last couple of issues of Gambit dealing with losing Rogue.

The art works really well, especially in terms of selling the seediness of the club that Gambit and Bishop go to. The X-Babies are suitably silly and adorable looking, even if they don’t have a lot to say or do. I would call this a disappointing debut for Lobdell on X-Men, which is unfortunate since he is capable of much better work. It’s hard to tell if he was caught unaware by Fabian Nicieza’s resignation (Nicieza left because he felt there was too much editorial interference), or if this was just a misfire.

D+