X-Men #84

X-Men #84

Writing: Joe Kelly

Art: Adam Kubert

What Went Down:  Reunited, Xavier holds Nina as the prime Cerebro basks among the captured X-Men and Brotherhood members.  Elsewhere, Nightcrawler has picked up Rogue, Colossus, Gambit, and Renee.  Using tracking systems, Kurt is able to find the captured X-Men as well. 

Cerebro explains his origins to Xavier.  Its programming was shunted to a different vessel when Bastion and a Prime Sentinel tried to use it.  After gaining sentience, it analyzed its own existence and realized it needed a dream and purpose.  Creating the false X-Men from its own detailed files, Cerebro wanted to create peace by cataloguing all humans and mutants, imprisoning them forever.  Cerebro wants to use Xavier’s telepathy to catalog the entire planet at one time. 

Xavier argues that he still doesn’t have his powers after Onslaught, but Cerebro knows that Nina can return those powers.  Fortunately the remaining X-Men come to the rescue.  Xavier decides that it is time for Nina to return his powers to him, just as the remaining X-Men are captured.  Using his powers Xavier is able to free the X-Men, so Cerebro activates the Xavier Protocols—the files on the weaknesses of every X-Man.  The X-Men are put through excruciating torments, but it is all revealed to be an illusion from Xavier and Nina.

The X-Men tear apart the Cerebrites, and Xavier uses his powers to show the Prime Cerebro the minds of humanity, not just their genetic codes.  Before it dies, Cerebro apologizes to the X-Men for not seeing how unique and special the world is. 

How It Was:  Well this issue concludes much as you’d expect it: Xavier gets his powers back and Cerebro is vanquished.  The main difference between this issue and the previous ones is that Kelly and Kubert both have the entire team to utilize in the fight, and they find a way to give every character a moment to shine. Interestingly, the Brotherhood is never brought up at any point other than when they are shown as Cerebro’s captives. 

Probably the best moment is the double page spread where the Xavier Protocols are used on the X-Men.  It’s a dark and striking visual that stands up even if the moment itself is revealed to be a hoax.  As with the Machine Man/Bastion story, I am baffled by the idea that telepaths can use their powers on machines to fool them, but whatever.  It’s a standard X-Men solution, and Kelly does try very hard to sell the idea of Cerebro gaining true sentience as a response to Bastion’s attack. 

The imagery in the astral plane makes for another amazing visual, causing me to be more forgiving of the sad, redemptive ending that comes out of nowhere.  It’s hard to feel sympathy towards Cerebro when he’s been such a bland villain…cataloguing people by locking them into eggs.  Still, it’s a good concluding fight and some of Adam Kubert’s strongest work.  Even if the Hunt for Xavier was too long and stretched out, it had its moments.  It’s just a shame that it had to stick so close to its parallel structure, almost devoid of novelty or surprise.  But this is still a solid conclusion.

For Comics Fans

Uncanny X-Men #364

Uncanny X-Men #364

Writing: Steve Seagle

Art: Lenil Francis Yu

What Went Down:  The Prime Cerebro unit is monitoring world events and notes that it is likely that Magneto will be surfacing soon. It orders a self-destruct sequence of its base, which includes the forms of the fake X-Men from Uncanny #360 to hide any evidence. 

At Alcatraz the X-Men and the Brotherhood are trying desperately to defeat the Beta Cerbrite.  Kitty tries to evacuate the Professor, but Post of the Brotherhood refuses to allow it.  The Cerebrite fires a beam at Toad, causing him to disappear, just as Storm did last issue. Nightcrawler and Mimic use Kurt’s teleportation powers to teleport the Cerebro robot away.

Blob and Post won’t let Kitty take the Professor because they see Xavier as their only hope. The X-Men fight the Brotherhood until Cerebro returns.  Exhausted from teleporting the Cerebrite, Nightcrawler returns to the Blackbird and radios the other team of X-Men for help. Of course, they’re busy with their own Cerebrite, so they don’t answer.  Kitty and Marrow try to rescue Xavier, but they manage to phase right where the battle is occurring.  The Cerebrite chases Kitty, and the robot shoots her, making her disappear as well.  It then takes out the remaining members of the Brotherhood.  Xavier explains that they’re not dead, just moved to the main Cerebro; Wolverine decides he and Marrow need to be captured to rescue their allies.  Nightcrawler sees everyone get shot as he brings the Blackbird in to rescue them.  He decides to take the plane to Russia to get reinforcements from the other team.

How It Was:   The opening of this issue feels like somebody remembered that the phantom X-Men from Uncanny #360 were tied to this Cerebro story at the last minute.  So those characters are all conveniently disposed of in three pages.  The rest of this issue is another big fight with a Cerebro robot.  Lenil Francis Yu replaces Bachalo, and boy…their styles couldn’t be farther apart if the editors tried.  Yu specializes in darker tones and more realistic proportions, which works for the most part.  He draws Post like a ghost made out of rocks, and his Marrow is a little too attractive, but overall it looks great.  I love the detail of Kitty, Toad, and Nightcrawler using Marrow’s bone shards to attack the robot since none of them have offensive powers. 

This fight is a lot less interesting, and I think it basically comes down to the fact that all the X-Men and most of the Brotherhood here just don’t have a big variety of offensive powers.  All of them pretty much just hit people, and that’s not as exciting too look at.  Plus the Brotherhood has to have an obligatory disagreement with the X-Men in the middle that makes no sense; if they care about Xavier, as a mentor or asset, why wouldn’t they want the crippled and powerless man out of the way of the huge battle?

Once again we have a Seagle book ending the same way the previous Kelly issue did, this time with the Cerebrite flying away triumphant with its quarry after soundly defeating the X-Men.  And once again the ending is diminished by the fact that we just saw this very thing happen last issue.  It’s a shame that Seagle has to follow up all the Kelly issues with the exact same structures, plus he’s been saddled by a weaker and less visually engaging team.  Even the addition of the Brotherhood can’t make this one stand out.

For X-Fans

X-Men #83

X-Men #83

Writing: Joe Kelly

Art: Adam Kubert

What Went Down:  Renee Majcomb holds Nina the young Mannite as the Alpha Cerebro fights the X-Men.  Nina is able to assist by waking up members knocked unconscious. Gambit blows up the floor underneath the villain, buying the team some time to regroup.  In a power plant, the primary Cerebro is busy cataloging humans and locking them in spheres.

Back in Russia, Renee helps Nina explain her background.  Back at the Zero Tolerance base, Nina imprinted Xavier’s mind when she met him, adding his memories to her own telepathic and reality warping powers.  Charles was able to summon Renee to save Nina, and Nina led them to the monks that Charles had spent time with while trying to control his own powers. 

Cerebro attacks again, this time by controlling Colossus.  The Cerebrite is also able to prematurely cause Gambit’s cards to explode and utilize nanotechnology to trap Storm in a box.  The Cerebrite shoots a beam at Storm causing her to disappear. 

After a brief glimpse at the Cerbro battle over in Uncanny, we return to the action with Rogue saving the unconscious Gambit.  Rogue’s glove is torn, so she accidentally gets a glimpse of the green mist lady who saved Gambit in Antarctica.  The Cerebrite knocks out Rogue and takes Nina.

How It Was:  Kelly tries to frame this issue through narration that focuses on the fear that the young Nina must be going through.  This would be a lot more effective if the girl in question wasn’t an all-powerful plot device, or if anybody cared about Nina.  Anyway, here’s an issue long fight scene where half the X-Men fight their rogue computer. 

Actually the fight has some nice moments, like Gambit charging the floor up, and Storm blowing him away at the last second.  It’s a little annoying that Nina can use her powers to wake up X-Men that have been knocked unconscious.  I suppose that one could argue that Cerebro is just as overpowered: he can trigger powers, possess Colossus, and survive lots of different attacks.  But at least Cerebro explains how he makes Gambit’s cards explode or makes a box for Storm to be trapped in. 

There’s not a lot to say about this issue.  It’s a big fight with a lot of complaining from Renee and Nina.  Cerebro gets a chance to use its powers intelligently in taking down the X-Men, although it’s unclear why it only chooses to assimilate Storm instead of the whole team.  Plot convenience I guess.  Solid action.

For X-Fans

Uncanny X-Men #363

Uncanny X-Men #363

Writing: Steve Seagle

Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down:  We open on what I think is a number of the creators of this very comic discussing chocolate at Ghiradelli Square when they are interrupted by falling debris from the sky.  It turns out to be another Cerebro unit—this one being the Beta unit.  At Alcatraz the Toad, who now speaks only in rhyme for some reason, takes an apple to a captive Charles Xavier. 

At the Golden Gate Park, the other four X-Men discuss how they are going to proceed.  Nightcrawler gets to show off the cloaking device he installed on the Blackbird.  Because the X-Men only own one portable Cerebro, this team is depending on Wolverine to track Xavier.  As the X-Men strategize, a local couple is attacked by the Beta Cerebrite, which overwhelms and “catalogs” them.

Despite having a futuristic space age cloaking device for their ship, the X-Men have neglected to bring normal clothes to walk the streets of San Francisco in.  Kitty is forced to take coats from a homeless vagrant, but she leaves some money for him. As they walk the streets, Nightcrawler finds a twenty in one of the pockets and buys a necklace for Kitty. 

Wolverine finds a building with Charles’ scent, but all they find is a smashed up wheelchair.  Marrow gets into a confrontation with a punk, but Logan diffuses it.  In a secret base called Area 52, another Cerebro robot sneaks in and retrieves some nanotechnology developed by Bastion.

After failing to find Professor X, Wolverine takes the team to Chinatown where they meet a wise Chinese person named Black Crane, who is from Logan’s past.  Black Crane is able to see that Professor X is at Alcatraz, but another is searching for him.  Outside Kurt gives Kitty the necklace he bought her.

Arriving at Alcatraz, the X-Men are attacked by the new Brotherhood of Mutants.  The X-Men are thrown off because the Brotherhood is utilizing teamwork and tactics that they normally do not display.  The fight is stopped by Professor X, who has been training the Brotherhood to combat Cerebro.  The Brotherhood is also responsible for breaking Xavier out of the Hulkbuster base.  The issue ends with the Beta Cerebro bursting through the wall and attacking. 

How It Was:  Note to publishers: maybe you shouldn’t spoil your one minor twist on the cover.  One could argue that this reveal is spoiled by the first scene with Toad and Xavier, but up to this point Charles is only revealed to be a prisoner.  Not that this is a huge spoiler, it’s just that after months of buildup, one would think that the discovery of Xavier might hold some type of surprise.  Either way it doesn’t really matter since the Xavier training the Brotherhood angle is dropped as quickly as it is introduced. 

As for the rest of the issue, it’s mostly more stretching out the hunt.  The first half of the issue has the X-Men doing such exciting things as shopping in downtown San Francisco, threatening hipsters, and meeting a stereotypically wise elderly Asian man who just tells the where to go.  Why didn’t they talk to this guy months ago? While Seagle is teasing a potential romance between Nightcrawler and Kitty, it’s really subtle and almost completely forgotten after this issue if I remember right.  Other than that, the characters really don’t have much to do except reiterate events of past issues leading up to this point and agonize over not having enough money to shop for jewelry.  This team is so terrible that they don’t even think to bring clothes to change into when they’re visiting downtown San Francisco!  The other team had enough time to put on coats and boots for the snowy mountains…it’s not hard.

After being told by Black Crane to get the story moving, the X-Men fight the Brotherhood for a couple of pages.  Bachalo’s art shows off the scope of the destruction and craziness quite well, but his superdeformed style makes some of the characters look odd.  His Wolverine looks more like Beast, his Blob changes sizes by the panel, and his Marrow has dreadlocks somehow. 

Of course if you read X-Men #82, you already know that the cliffhanger is once again going to be another Cerebro robot, and it’s pretty sad that a six part story has to use the same ending twice in a row.  Yes we’re supposed to glimpse the events from each team’s side, but this is a pretty unoriginal structure they’re using.  The X-Men issues at least had some novel uses of artwork to move the story, as well as the wonderful tension between Gambit and the rest of the team.  Here there is none of that, so all we get is an average story that ends with a very lackluster reunion with Xavier.

For Completists

X-Men #82

X-Men #82

Writing: Joe Kelly

Art: Adam Kubert

What Went Down:  Gambit and Colossus are both plummeting from a mountaintop after Gambit impulsively jumped on Peter’s shoulders in an attempt to lighten the mood.  Storm and Rogue save them, and fortunately the fall has led them right to the place they were hoping to get to.  It’s a temple made of ice. 

Inside the temple, one of the monks of the order alerts Renee Majcomb that there are intruders.  Elsewhere, Gambit brushes off Rogue’s attempts to get close to him.  Colossus finds it appalling, not knowing that Gambit is possessed by an evil being.  Gambit blows the door to an area and finds the frozen corpses of the majority of the monks.  An observer watches the X-Men and analyzes them. 

The X-Men come to a liquid mirror that appears to be some kind of portal.  Since Xavier’s signal is coming from it, they enter it.  The world inside distorts their senses and skews reality.  Rogue has an easier time with it because she is used to the confusion of having multiple personalities in her head.  Outside Renee asks a mystery figure if the trap is working; the mystery person thinks that they have the wrong people.  A robot that looks like Cerebro from issue #81 observes the mirror. 

Inside the mirror the X-Men experience a variety of abstract tortures, but when Rogue and Gambit reach for each other, they begin to turn back to normal.  They realize that extreme emotions are the key to escaping the mirror.  Storm thinks of her love for the X-Men, Colossus the death of his sister, Rogue thinks of Gambit, and Gambit thinks about the mist thing that possessed him. 

After breaking out, the X-Men are confronted by Renee and Nina, the girl from Onslaught: Epilogue that Professor X met.  They apologize for mistaking the X-Men for enemies and learn that they are being chased by Cerebro, who thinks Nina is Xavier. 

How It Was:  This issue: the X-Men get their own young and adorably cute sidekick.  What, you’re not excited?  Anyways Nina the Mannite turns up after her appearance in Onslaught: Epilogue.  Don’t worry, she’s not staying permanently, but it’s still enough to cast a pall over this story.  Nobody could possibly care whether or not this tiny plot device got ripped apart by a Cerebro robot, which is a real failing in this entire story.

Despite that rather sobering intro, this issue is actually really fun.  The opening is worth a small smile as Gambit tries too hard to fit back in with X-Men and the ice temple is really nicely rendered by Adam Kubert.  The best part of the book is when the team is attacked in the mirror by Nina.  The shift in art style and coloring does a perfect job of capturing the shift in reality that consumes the X-Men; it’s a great example of storytelling through visuals as the team’s perceptions are completely upended.  Yes it’s hokey that they break free by feeling emotions, but it’s worth it for the line, “And then the whole world stopped making fish.”  Some really creative imagery here.

It’s a neat issue if you ignore the fact that the plot doesn’t really advance all that much.  The characters are still shining as always in Kelly’s book, except for Colossus who is suffering from a case of nothing to do.  One of the better parts of this event.

For Everyone

Uncanny X-Men #362

Uncanny X-Men #362

Writing: Steve Seagle

Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down:  The SHIELD Helicarrier shows up over a farm in Nebraska where Legacy Virus victim Pyro is once again losing control of his powers.  Nick Fury calls the X-Men in because Pyro is asking for Xavier and something has him frightened.  The X-Men agree to help.

Xavier has a dream where harmony has been achieved between man and mutant.  He wakes from the dream a prisoner in a dark place.  Over at Cecilia Reyes’ doctor’s office, Cecilia receives a large package from Muir Island. 

The X-Men split up with half going after Pyro while the others help fire fighters and rescue workers.  Along the way Gambit has an internal conversation with the mystery parasite inhabiting his body.  As the X-Men work, they all discuss their feelings about Charles Xavier, what he means to them, and the hope they have for finding him.  Marrow is unimpressed with all of this.

Pyro’s powers are so out of control that Colossus can feel the flames through his metal skin. This is disconcerting because Gambit is attacked by a flame woman who kisses him.  Storm makes it rain, and creates a collapsing air mass.  They chase Pyro and Wolverine punches him out.  He then notices a mysterious figure inside the flames directly behind Pyro.  The figure announces a systems failure and melts. Before he passes out, Pyro tells the X-Men that Xavier sent him before exploding into flames.  Fury arrests him and the X-Men leave. 

Back at the mansion, the giant package Cecilia received for the X-Men turns out to be a new Cerebro unit to replace the one Bastion stole during OZT.  After setting it up, the X-Men use it to try to locate Charles Xavier.  The only problem is that there are two separate signals for Xavier; one in Russia, and the other in San Francisco.  The X-Men declare that they will find their mentor.  In both locations, robots crash to the ground, both searching for Xavier. 

How It Was:  The Hunt for Xavier kicks off with the X-Men running around and not doing a whole lot of anything.  This issue can’t really be described as a fight with Pyro, since most of the story is rescuing civilians, chasing after the villain, and talking about Xavier.  And maybe that’s a necessary evil since Professor X has been out of circulation for almost two years at this point.  Marrow is used as the new reader’s entry point as she quizzes each X-Man on the significance of Professor X and what he means to the team.

At this point in X-History it was well established that the writers of both books wanted to bring the X-Men back to basics with less dependence on technology.  Hence, their technology was stolen or destroyed by Bastion.  So imagine my surprise when the X-Men’s sophisticated mutant detecting computer Cerebro is casually replaced when Moira Mactaggert decides to send them a spare.  Why did she wait so long, especially when she knows that Charles is missing?  This just feels like some lazy plot convenience to detect Charles and get the story on the road. 

As for the rest of the story, it’s mostly just fighting fire.  At one point Pyro conjures a fire woman to kiss Gambit.  I’m pretty sure this should give him some serious burns and facial disfigurement, but it doesn’t.  Perhaps the mist lady helps him, but this is never explained at all.  Poor Pyro has never been as pathetic as he is taken out by a fire extinguisher from Kitty and one punch from Wolverine; this dying of the Legacy Virus shtick is getting pretty tired for the character. 

This is an okay issue with some weird plotting choices made out of plot necessity.  The revelation of two Xavier signals reeks of the need to pad this story out, but at least the books go bi-weekly to accommodate the long story (remember when six issue stories weren’t an industry norm?  Those were the days.).  Not the most exciting kick off, but it’s also not unreadable.

For X-Fans