X-Men Unlimited #4

X-Men Unlimited #4

Writing: Scott Lobdell

Art: Richard Bennett

What Went Down:  Mystique kills a US General for working with the Friends of Humanity.  In a mansion in France, Graydon Creed has been living with some random woman.  The couple is interrupted by a private investigator Graydon has hired; the investigator confirms that Sabretooth and Mystique are his parents and offers to reveal the identity of his brother for more money.  Enraged, Creed beats the man, offering to spare him if he reveals the information.  After the man whispers it to Creed, Creed kills the man.  When his sugar momma demands Creed leave, Creed threatens her and mentions he has issues with being kicked out and abandoned.

At Dulles Airport, a disguised Nightcrawler scares an abusive father into being nicer to his son.  Rogue shows up and chastises him, as both mutants wonder why Forge has summoned them.  They go to Arlington Cemetery for the funeral of the murdered general.  Both notice Graydon Creed in attendance right before the priest insults the dead man and kicks over the casket.  The corpse has a bomb attached to it, and the priest is revealed to be Mystique.  Rogue gets rid of the bomb while Nightcrawler pulls Mystique from the soldiers firing on her.  Mystique punches Kurt, mentions some vague hints about his birth, and escapes.  As the guards close in on Nightcrawler, Rogue flies him off. 

Forge questions Graydon Creed about Mystique’s appearance.  After he leaves, Rogue and Kurt come out and discuss Mystique.  Forge reveals that during Mystique’s treatment, she went through his files.  Forge then tells the two X-Men that they may have a chance of reaching the good part of Mystique, although he refuses to tell Nightcrawler why.

Rogue and Nightcrawler fly to Mystique’s house in Caldecott, Mississippi.  Rogue recalls her first meeting with Mystique, before she took Rogue in and raised her.  The two split up, and Nightcrawler flashes back to a memory flirting with his foster sister Amanda Sefton. 

Creed confronts Nightcrawler and reveals they are brothers as he attacks Kurt, and that Mystique is their mother.  Graydon explains that Mystique was posing as a German Count’s wife, but was discovered when Kurt was born a mutant.  While a mob chased her, Mystique lost the baby and it was thrown over a waterfall. 

As the two brothers fight, Rogue remembers the triggering of her powers with a boy she liked named Cody.  When Cody appears in the present to comfort and taunt her, Rogue realizes it is Mystique in disguise.  Rogue wants to know if she ever knew the real Mystique.  While the two women argue, Graydon shows up with the unconscious Nightcrawler.  Mystique explains he abandoned Graydon when he turned twelve and didn’t develop mutant powers, and that he killed Kurt as an act of self-preservation.  Mystique actually turned into a villager and was the one who threw baby Nightcrawler in the waterfall. 

In the present, Mystique shoots at Graydon, who teleports.  This Graydon was Nightcrawler using an image inducer, with the real Graydon dressed in Kurt’s costume.  Creed summons an attack helicopter to kill Nightcrawler, Rogue, and Mystique.  Rogue attacks the gunship, but is forced to stop in order to save Kurt and Raven.  Mystique lets go of the cliff on purpose so Rogue will rescue Nightcrawler.  As Nightcrawler wonders why Mystique did what she did, Rogue flies him off into the sunset.

How It Was:  Continuing the trend of focusing more on villains than heroes in the last two issues, here we get the spotlight placed on Mystique.  The problem is that the Mystique in this issue is very inconsistent, going from tragic and misunderstood to completely psychotic and unremorseful in the span of mere panels.  Lobdell picks up on some vague hints Chris Claremont had put in about Mystique and Nightcrawler looking similar back in the eighties.  The revelation that the two characters were mother and son didn’t do a lot for either character.

As with every issue of Unlimited, the story is quite padded out.  The opening murder scene is seven pages just to establish Mystique killing a random general for working with the Friends of Humanity.  Many of the flashbacks also seem unnecessary; it’s good to include the scene of Rogue first meeting Mystique (Question: Why does little girl Rogue have a shotgun?), but the scene of Rogue’s powers first triggering is an unnecessary retread.  Also Nightcrawler’s flashback to the circus doesn’t do anything but establish his pattern of hitting on foster sisters (he hits on Rogue earlier in the book). 

But I’m nitpicking.  One aspect that works really well in this book is the idea that Rogue doesn’t know how to rectify the mother of her childhood to the Mystique of present day.  That’s a great angle since Rogue obviously has love for her, but doesn’t know if she was being manipulated or if Mystique really cares about her.  Nightcrawler doesn’t fair as well; he gets beat up a lot this issue, and while Mystique does sacrifice herself at the end for him, there’s every indication that she doesn’t really care about him.  Speaking of which, the end is completely absurd where Nightcrawler can’t teleport to safety and Rogue, who can lift cars and take out helicopters, can’t carry Nightcrawler and Mystique at the same time.

So the plotting is pretty scattered and drawn out, and things happen for no clear reason (why wouldn’t Forge tell Nightcrawler his relation to Mystique right there?), and Mystique and Creed both come off as homicidal maniacs as opposed to villains with believable motives.  While the main attraction is supposed to be the revelation of Nightcrawler’s mom, the real highlights involve Rogue trying to come to terms with her own feelings towards Mystique. 

Completists Only

X-Men: Liberators #4

X-Men: Liberators #4

Writing: Joe Harris

Art: Phil Jimenez

What Went Down:  No flashback for the opening.  Instead Omega Red bursts into Province 13 and threatens General Sergei.  Sergei says their transaction is complete, but Red wants to know why the X-Men are involved.  Nightcrawler is busy digging up graves in the cold wilderness, searching for Wolverine.  Colossus surprises him, and they are both set upon by a naked Wolverine asking for his clothes. 

At Province 13 the guards are on high alert, and the students are being evacuated.  Ariana is being used as bait to draw out Nikolas.  Nanya and her friend return to the classroom and meet Nightcrawler, while Omega Red confronts Wolverine.  As Kurt talks to the two young girls, the Wolverine/Omega Red fight spills through a window.  Omega threatens the young girls, while Colossus goes to rescue Ariana. 

Sergei sets fire to his office, while we see signs that Nikolas has accepted the bait.  Kurt and Logan rescue the girls just in time for Nikolas to appear.  Nikolas fights the villain, with Red fleeing as his body starts to shut down.  Ariana confronts her son, and sets him free from his hard existence with a shard of broken glass.  At the same time, Colossus takes Nanya from General Sergei just before he kills himself.  In the epilogue, we see that Ariana has adopted Nanya and is taking care of her. 

The issue ends with a continuation of the flashback from issue #1; Colossus holds a pneumatic press up while his friends are rescued.  The story ends with the three X-Men being greeted by the rest of the team in the present.

How It Was:  The issue opens with a compelling sequence of Nightcrawler desperately digging through snowy graves to find Wolverine; it would’ve been rather engaging if we didn’t see Wolverine dig himself out last issue. 

So after three issues revolving around the fate of Nikolas, the last issue tries to squeeze some tension out of putting the little girls in danger that we hardly know or care about.  Moreover, Omega Red is the one that threatens them, and for no other reason than because he’s a huge jerk.  His purpose in the story is so non-existent that after a one panel confrontation with Nikolas, Omega Red realizes there’s no reason for him to be there and leaves.

There’s weak attempt to humanize General Sergei at the end that doesn’t quite work, but I will admit that Harris does squeeze some tragedy out of Ariana and Nikolas’ reunion.  Having both characters agonize over not being with each other for two issues, only to have Nikolas killed by the only being that can touch him… well it’s pretty sad.  Colossus learns to be happier by appreciating what he has, which is a fine enough way to end his journey after the grimness he’s been through.

The art is fantastic, only flawed by some pretty major coloring mistakes on the final page for most of the X-Men.  Even though all the fights consist of nothing but Omega Red grabbing and throwing people, it still looks really great.  I can’t really understand the aversion to fighting in this series; the few fights we do see feel very dull and hurried.  The final, climactic battle between Nikolas and Omega Red consists of them staring angrily at each other before Omega runs off complaining about pain.

This is a pretty disappointing series all told.  I’m not so much bothered by how generic the plot and villains are; it’s just that the entire execution feels rushed, although competent.  All the X-Men are in character, but they don’t feel like they have much to do or say in this story.  It takes Colossus all of one page to deal with his family’s death, and although Nightcrawler and Wolverine are there for moral support, they have absolutely nothing to add.  Nikolas unfortunately has no voice or personality, so although we can feel bad for him as readers, we can’t connect with him or find anything redeemable in his presence.  Everyone else just serves as mouth pieces to push the story around, with Omega Red in the middle to make the story authentically Russian, I guess.  I don’t think you’d miss a thing if you avoided this series because it is never mentioned ever again.

For Completists

X-Men: Liberators #3

X-Men: Liberators #3

Writing: Joe Harris

Art: Phil Jimenez

What Went Down:  This issue opens with a flashback of a Hide and Seek game played on the mansion grounds around the eighties era.  Colossus manages to sneak up on Wolverine.  At Provence 13 in the present, Wolverine is “dying” from his exposure to the mutant Nikolas as scientists are examining him. On a mountain, Colossus has found a cave where he and the old woman are hiding.  He brings firewood for the woman, whose name is Ariana.  She explains how she is Nikolas’ mother and how he was taken away from her as a baby because his touch killed everyone except her.  Nikolas was taken by Sergei, and Ariana resents the Rasputins because they were normal looking mutants able to hide from the government. 

At night Nightcrawler sneaks onto the base after following the soldiers.  He discovers the children taken from their families by the government.  Sergei’s superior Alexei explains that the government is shutting down Sergei’s base. 

Nightcrawler tries to speak with the children, but he doesn’t know Russian.  He is able to communicate telepathically with the girl Nanya, who can translate for her friends.  Nightcrawler vows to rescue the children.  In the woods, Omega Red is hunting Nikolas, and comes across a wrecked cabin with two dead adults and an abandoned child.

Omega Red manages to find the cave with Ariana in it, so he and Colossus battle.  Their fight is interrupted by Nikolas, Ariana’s son.  Omega Red throws a rock, and both Colossus and Nikolas go over the cliff.

Wolverine “dies” and is left alone by the scientists.  Nightcrawler finds him dead, and takes his uniform with him.  Colossus unburies himself and sees that Nikolas has fled.  Nightcrawler escapes, but we see that Wolverine’s body has been buried, and he has healed enough to rise. 

How It Was:  We finally get to see where Colossus’ arc is going this series; he is given Ariana’s tragic story to compare with his own tragedies to realize how much worse his life could’ve been.  That’s as good a conclusion as any for Colossus to come to after a decade of having family death after family death; he learns to appreciate time he did have with his family. 

Meanwhile, Wolverine sits on a slab for a whole issue, and Nightcrawler has nothing to do except wander around Province 13 and meet some kids.  The art is great as he sneaks around and teleports stealthily, but it doesn’t hide the fact that he has nothing to do; he’s searching for Wolverine, but after Kurt finds him, Wolverine just gets dumped outside again by the soldiers making for a total waste of an issue.

Then there’s the glaring fact that Omega Red has no purpose in this story.  The narration claims that he’s working for the government after being freed from exile, but there’s no motivation for him to be hunting Nikolas.  He’s here because the X-Men are in Russia, and heaven forbid they fight any other super villain in Russia other than Omega Red. 

Besides the interplay between Colossus and Ariana, there is really nothing here to catch your attention.  There’s a three page fight that ends abruptly, and that’s about it.  The art is really nice and gives Colossus and Nightcrawler a nice range of emotion and movement, but that still doesn’t change the fact that they’re not saying or doing anything memorable.

Completists Only

X-Men: Liberators #2

X-Men: Liberators #2

Writing: Joe Harris

Art: Phil Jimenez + Aiken, Leigh, & Pepoy

What Went Down:  Again we begin with a flashback, this one occurring around Giant-Sized X-Men #1.  Wolverine attacks Colossus to see what he’s really made of.  In present day Russia, Colossus visits the graves of his parents.  Over at Province 13, General Sergei observes two children being tested for psychic capabilities.  The General swears one of the girls, Nanya, is looking in his mind.

Peter encounters an elderly woman in the graveyard’s chapel.  After identifying himself as Piotr Rasputin, the woman spits on the ground and curses his family, so Peter leaves.  In the woods nearby, Kurt and Logan wait patiently for Colossus.  They discover oddly warped trees and dead animals.  Assuming it’s hunters, Wolverine decides to go and teach a lesson about killing animals for sport and leaving them there. 

Back at the church, a military helicopter lands and soldiers flood out to surround the old woman.  Colossus bursts in and fights off the soldiers.  He escapes with the woman.  After confronting the hunters, Logan and Kurt observe them getting attacked by the mutant monster Nikolas.  Wolverine fights it off, but he soon gets sick and passes out.  The soldiers carry Wolverine away, and Nightcrawler is forced flee. 

Sergei receives a call that one of his superiors from Moscow will be visiting him.  We end on some Russian soldiers discovering Omega Red in the Savage Land and offering to bring him home.

How It Was:  Another low-key issue as the plot keeps chugging along.  There isn’t really that much to tell.  The purpose of the X-Men’s visit gets fulfilled as Peter starts the issue at his parents’ graves and dwells on it for a whole two sentences of internal monologue.  For a series that is billing itself on the group’s history by starting each issue with a flashback, there is surprisingly no reflection on how Peter’s parents died, the deaths of his other siblings, or his time with the Acolytes.  They could’ve easily tied this into the main series by mentioning Colossus’ Christmas visitation from Illyana, but alas he’s just there.  Peter’s just going through the motions of the plot, and the cemetery visit ends up being nothing more than a plot convenient way for Colossus to meet Nikolas’ mother who just happens to be at the same church.

With this issue the X-Men actually become embroiled in the plot.  Although Wolverine and Nightcrawler are supposed to be there to support Colossus, they take the time to deal with some hunters because it bothers Wolverine.  And while the plot affords the opportunity for some action, neither the writer nor the artists really seem interested in dwelling on it.  We get two panels of Colossus getting shot at before beating up all the soldiers off-panel, followed by Wolverine fighting Nikolas for all of one page which amounts to one dodge and one claw swipe.  It’s disappointing to see a super hero comic so uninterested in showing any type of action or excitement. 

As for the rest of the issue, the shady Russian soldiers and their general still aren’t very interesting, and Omega Red shows up for no purpose other than because this is a Russian-set X-story.  There is some mystery to be had in how the X-Men are going to fight Nikolas if he can take Wolverine so easily, but other than that this is just a story just plodding along with nothing impressive.  The closest bit to a standout moment is General Sergei’s observations of the telepathic Nanya staring through him behind the wall, but minor details can’t salvage how uneventful this is.

For Completists

X-Men: Liberators #1

X-Men: Liberators #1

Writing: Joe Harris

Art: Phil Jimenez

What Went Down:  The intro involves a flashback to the Claremont/Byrne era circa Days of the Future Past.  Our three stars of the mini, Wolverine Colossus, and Nightcrawler, enjoy a test in the Danger Room.  In the present, these same three X-Men are on a plane to Russia to visit the graves of Peter’s parents.  Nightcrawler scares a little girl by coming out of the restroom before turning on his image inducer. 

At a military base called Province 13, the Russian equivalent of Area 51, General Sergei observes a room of children playing with toys, some using super powers.  The general slides back a panel on a dark cell, looks at the shadowy figure inside, and laughs internally at his current predicament. 

Arriving at the Moscow Airport, Wolverine decides to take his friends to a local pub full of a “certain element.”  Back at Province 13, a rookie soldier relieves the guards of the mystery cell; he is afraid of the monsters that might be lurking here, and he is teased by his peers. 

Back at the bar, Wolverine has talked Peter into arm wrestling one of the thugs who taunted them.  During the bout, one of the other thugs tries to steal the X-Men’s bags, so they start a bar fight and totally dominate the locals. 

Back at the base, the shadowy creature hides from its captors during meal time, tricking them into opening the door. Once the creature touches the soldiers, their bodies start to decay. 

After trashing the bar, the X-Men leave some money and go on their merry way.  We also learn that the mystery creature’s name is Nikolas as he kills more soldiers.  Nikolas coincidentally winds up stowing away on the same train that the X-Men are taking.

How It Was:  Liberators is a mini that is all but forgotten; it has no effect on continuity, it doesn’t have anything profound to say about its characters, and its plot is basically a takeoff of any Frankenstein story: the misunderstood monster that’s been seen time and again.  The only thing that could possibly set it apart is the emphasis on the three X-Men and their long history.  The flashbacks do go a ways of drawing out this history; these X-Men joined the team at the same time, and as such their growth as teammates and friends has had profound influence on each other and the team.  Conversely, their interactions in the present don’t really highlight this history in any meaningful way.  Most of their brief conversations deal with polite teasing and Colossus’ discomfort at the situations Wolverine drags him into. 

Still, I’m willing to give this one the benefit of the doubt since it’s only the first issue, and so much of it is dedicated to the antagonists.  This project is fueled by pure nostalgia, highlighting a friendship that has been missing from comics for almost a decade, due to the heroes frequenting other teams over the years.  It’s excusable to start out with some lighthearted joking and bar fighting, with a promise of possibly something more substantial in later issues.  Plus fans of the X-Men never really got to see Peter deal with the death of his parents before he joined the Acolytes (although he probably dealt with it in Excalibur, I would assume).

This leaves the Russian military who are trying to weaponize mutants—all setup and exposition up to this point.  Again, this is nothing special, with all the soldiers sharing the same personality and Nikolas’ escape being easily predictable.  I will say that the design for Nikolas is quite grotesque, although it doesn’t really stand out in any way.  This is an okay start to the series.  Not much happens; the characters are all characterized well and their dynamic is well defined: Wolverine’s the wild one, Colossus is the shy one, and Nightcrawler is a little bit of both.  Nothing to write home about, but nothing offensive either. 

For X-Fans

Uncanny X-Men #365

Uncanny X-Men #365

Writer: Steve Seagle

Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down:  It’s Christmas Eve in Salem Center when Colossus is awakened by a mysterious voice leading him to the attic.  The voice tells Peter to “remember” after doing some crazy things with his perceptions.  Peter immediately goes to Storm, who brushes it off as a bad dream.  Peter thinks the voice has something to do with his latest drawing, but his canvas has mysteriously vanished.

Peter starts to recreate his drawing, but notices a light outside.  Wolverine, Gambit, and Alpha Flight’s Puck are in a cabin enjoying a fire.  Colossus returns to his room and finds his drawing returned with writing on it telling the story of an ice princess who lost her face.  Peter starts a new drawing, but is again interrupted by a noise downstairs.  It turns out that Nightcrawler and Kitty have obtained a tree to decorate for the team. 

After excusing himself, Peter finds Xavier in his study contemplating photos of his students that have passed away over the years.  The two heroes talk about ghosts and spirits, until Peter takes his leave.  Peter begins yet another drawing, believing he is being compelled by the spirit.  It again visits him, leading him again to the attic.

Peter finds a teleportation ring and meets the spirit of his dead sister Illyana.  She explains that she left the portal there before she died, and she needs someone alive to do something for her, but she cannot say it out loud.  After talking, Peter realizes that he has left his picture of Illyana packed away.  After unpacking it, his sister is able to move on.  Peter makes one more sketch before falling asleep.

In the morning it is revealed that Marrow was the one writing on Peter’s pictures; she frames one of them in bones as a thank you for the picture he gave her in X-Men #81. 

How It Was:  Seagle takes a stab at a Dickensian Christmas tale in the Marvel Universe for a post crossover downtime issue.  While this issue is somewhat of a nightmare for continuity enthusiasts, it does capture the somber tone perfectly without becoming too grim and broody.  Colossus is definitely a character who has faded to the background up to this point, so it’s great to see him get some time in the spotlight.  Although he had plenty of time to reflect on his sister’s life in Excalibur, X-Men fans never got a chance to see Peter really process his sister’s death; he just went off to Avalon and then came back one day.  This issue serves as a nice bookend to bridge his previous affiliation with the X-Men up to the here and now.

I also like that it is the members of the Claremont/Byrne era, back from such a long absence, who are again in charge of pulling the “modern” X-Men out of the doldrums of holiday depression.  Even though they don’t have any subplots of their own going on, it’s nice to see Kitty and Kurt serving a consistent function on the team.  The scene with Xavier is also a nice touch, tying well into the themes and resolution of the story.  It also reestablishes Xavier’s sentimentality after being away from the books for two years.

While the tone of Peter’s confused journey is spot on, there are still some odd choices for the issue.  Puck makes a baffling cameo for no purpose whatsoever.  Also the climax of the story is a little strange if you look at it literally.  Illyana can’t “move on” unless Peter figures out her vague riddle for her?  Unfortunately she cheats by saying “get the picture,” robbing Colossus of the personal victory of being able to help his sister on his own.  And of course with Illyana recently resurrected, I don’t know what that means for this story continuity wise.

I’m also not sure how I feel about Marrow’s turn as sneaky secret Santa.  It feels like a bit of character whiplash; I get that Peter’s efforts last issue were very selfless and well-intentioned, but Marrow’s personality is seemingly changed overnight in one issue.  She’s gone from the new Wolverine to the new Jubilee: smiling, friendly, and excited about Christmas.  To me Marrow should be reluctant to celebrate Christmas, but eventually discover a personal meaning in it for her.  You could argue she does do this, just all off panel.  It is after all Peter’s story.

It’s not the best sentimental issue, but it’s far from the worst either.  Despite the weird mechanics and out of place fairy tale shoehorned in, the dialogue and art make this a relatively enjoyable read.  It’s probably not going to the top of anyone’s reading stack, but it does manage to feel like genuine X-Men Christmas, with a few extraneous parts tacked on.  While it’s odd to see Illyana pop up again, it’s nice to see Peter get some closure sixty-some issues after her death in the X-Men titles.

For X-Men Fans

X-Men #84

X-Men #84

Writing: Joe Kelly

Art: Adam Kubert

What Went Down:  Reunited, Xavier holds Nina as the prime Cerebro basks among the captured X-Men and Brotherhood members.  Elsewhere, Nightcrawler has picked up Rogue, Colossus, Gambit, and Renee.  Using tracking systems, Kurt is able to find the captured X-Men as well. 

Cerebro explains his origins to Xavier.  Its programming was shunted to a different vessel when Bastion and a Prime Sentinel tried to use it.  After gaining sentience, it analyzed its own existence and realized it needed a dream and purpose.  Creating the false X-Men from its own detailed files, Cerebro wanted to create peace by cataloguing all humans and mutants, imprisoning them forever.  Cerebro wants to use Xavier’s telepathy to catalog the entire planet at one time. 

Xavier argues that he still doesn’t have his powers after Onslaught, but Cerebro knows that Nina can return those powers.  Fortunately the remaining X-Men come to the rescue.  Xavier decides that it is time for Nina to return his powers to him, just as the remaining X-Men are captured.  Using his powers Xavier is able to free the X-Men, so Cerebro activates the Xavier Protocols—the files on the weaknesses of every X-Man.  The X-Men are put through excruciating torments, but it is all revealed to be an illusion from Xavier and Nina.

The X-Men tear apart the Cerebrites, and Xavier uses his powers to show the Prime Cerebro the minds of humanity, not just their genetic codes.  Before it dies, Cerebro apologizes to the X-Men for not seeing how unique and special the world is. 

How It Was:  Well this issue concludes much as you’d expect it: Xavier gets his powers back and Cerebro is vanquished.  The main difference between this issue and the previous ones is that Kelly and Kubert both have the entire team to utilize in the fight, and they find a way to give every character a moment to shine. Interestingly, the Brotherhood is never brought up at any point other than when they are shown as Cerebro’s captives. 

Probably the best moment is the double page spread where the Xavier Protocols are used on the X-Men.  It’s a dark and striking visual that stands up even if the moment itself is revealed to be a hoax.  As with the Machine Man/Bastion story, I am baffled by the idea that telepaths can use their powers on machines to fool them, but whatever.  It’s a standard X-Men solution, and Kelly does try very hard to sell the idea of Cerebro gaining true sentience as a response to Bastion’s attack. 

The imagery in the astral plane makes for another amazing visual, causing me to be more forgiving of the sad, redemptive ending that comes out of nowhere.  It’s hard to feel sympathy towards Cerebro when he’s been such a bland villain…cataloguing people by locking them into eggs.  Still, it’s a good concluding fight and some of Adam Kubert’s strongest work.  Even if the Hunt for Xavier was too long and stretched out, it had its moments.  It’s just a shame that it had to stick so close to its parallel structure, almost devoid of novelty or surprise.  But this is still a solid conclusion.

For Comics Fans

Uncanny X-Men #364

Uncanny X-Men #364

Writing: Steve Seagle

Art: Lenil Francis Yu

What Went Down:  The Prime Cerebro unit is monitoring world events and notes that it is likely that Magneto will be surfacing soon. It orders a self-destruct sequence of its base, which includes the forms of the fake X-Men from Uncanny #360 to hide any evidence. 

At Alcatraz the X-Men and the Brotherhood are trying desperately to defeat the Beta Cerbrite.  Kitty tries to evacuate the Professor, but Post of the Brotherhood refuses to allow it.  The Cerebrite fires a beam at Toad, causing him to disappear, just as Storm did last issue. Nightcrawler and Mimic use Kurt’s teleportation powers to teleport the Cerebro robot away.

Blob and Post won’t let Kitty take the Professor because they see Xavier as their only hope. The X-Men fight the Brotherhood until Cerebro returns.  Exhausted from teleporting the Cerebrite, Nightcrawler returns to the Blackbird and radios the other team of X-Men for help. Of course, they’re busy with their own Cerebrite, so they don’t answer.  Kitty and Marrow try to rescue Xavier, but they manage to phase right where the battle is occurring.  The Cerebrite chases Kitty, and the robot shoots her, making her disappear as well.  It then takes out the remaining members of the Brotherhood.  Xavier explains that they’re not dead, just moved to the main Cerebro; Wolverine decides he and Marrow need to be captured to rescue their allies.  Nightcrawler sees everyone get shot as he brings the Blackbird in to rescue them.  He decides to take the plane to Russia to get reinforcements from the other team.

How It Was:   The opening of this issue feels like somebody remembered that the phantom X-Men from Uncanny #360 were tied to this Cerebro story at the last minute.  So those characters are all conveniently disposed of in three pages.  The rest of this issue is another big fight with a Cerebro robot.  Lenil Francis Yu replaces Bachalo, and boy…their styles couldn’t be farther apart if the editors tried.  Yu specializes in darker tones and more realistic proportions, which works for the most part.  He draws Post like a ghost made out of rocks, and his Marrow is a little too attractive, but overall it looks great.  I love the detail of Kitty, Toad, and Nightcrawler using Marrow’s bone shards to attack the robot since none of them have offensive powers. 

This fight is a lot less interesting, and I think it basically comes down to the fact that all the X-Men and most of the Brotherhood here just don’t have a big variety of offensive powers.  All of them pretty much just hit people, and that’s not as exciting too look at.  Plus the Brotherhood has to have an obligatory disagreement with the X-Men in the middle that makes no sense; if they care about Xavier, as a mentor or asset, why wouldn’t they want the crippled and powerless man out of the way of the huge battle?

Once again we have a Seagle book ending the same way the previous Kelly issue did, this time with the Cerebrite flying away triumphant with its quarry after soundly defeating the X-Men.  And once again the ending is diminished by the fact that we just saw this very thing happen last issue.  It’s a shame that Seagle has to follow up all the Kelly issues with the exact same structures, plus he’s been saddled by a weaker and less visually engaging team.  Even the addition of the Brotherhood can’t make this one stand out.

For X-Fans

Uncanny X-Men #363

Uncanny X-Men #363

Writing: Steve Seagle

Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down:  We open on what I think is a number of the creators of this very comic discussing chocolate at Ghiradelli Square when they are interrupted by falling debris from the sky.  It turns out to be another Cerebro unit—this one being the Beta unit.  At Alcatraz the Toad, who now speaks only in rhyme for some reason, takes an apple to a captive Charles Xavier. 

At the Golden Gate Park, the other four X-Men discuss how they are going to proceed.  Nightcrawler gets to show off the cloaking device he installed on the Blackbird.  Because the X-Men only own one portable Cerebro, this team is depending on Wolverine to track Xavier.  As the X-Men strategize, a local couple is attacked by the Beta Cerebrite, which overwhelms and “catalogs” them.

Despite having a futuristic space age cloaking device for their ship, the X-Men have neglected to bring normal clothes to walk the streets of San Francisco in.  Kitty is forced to take coats from a homeless vagrant, but she leaves some money for him. As they walk the streets, Nightcrawler finds a twenty in one of the pockets and buys a necklace for Kitty. 

Wolverine finds a building with Charles’ scent, but all they find is a smashed up wheelchair.  Marrow gets into a confrontation with a punk, but Logan diffuses it.  In a secret base called Area 52, another Cerebro robot sneaks in and retrieves some nanotechnology developed by Bastion.

After failing to find Professor X, Wolverine takes the team to Chinatown where they meet a wise Chinese person named Black Crane, who is from Logan’s past.  Black Crane is able to see that Professor X is at Alcatraz, but another is searching for him.  Outside Kurt gives Kitty the necklace he bought her.

Arriving at Alcatraz, the X-Men are attacked by the new Brotherhood of Mutants.  The X-Men are thrown off because the Brotherhood is utilizing teamwork and tactics that they normally do not display.  The fight is stopped by Professor X, who has been training the Brotherhood to combat Cerebro.  The Brotherhood is also responsible for breaking Xavier out of the Hulkbuster base.  The issue ends with the Beta Cerebro bursting through the wall and attacking. 

How It Was:  Note to publishers: maybe you shouldn’t spoil your one minor twist on the cover.  One could argue that this reveal is spoiled by the first scene with Toad and Xavier, but up to this point Charles is only revealed to be a prisoner.  Not that this is a huge spoiler, it’s just that after months of buildup, one would think that the discovery of Xavier might hold some type of surprise.  Either way it doesn’t really matter since the Xavier training the Brotherhood angle is dropped as quickly as it is introduced. 

As for the rest of the issue, it’s mostly more stretching out the hunt.  The first half of the issue has the X-Men doing such exciting things as shopping in downtown San Francisco, threatening hipsters, and meeting a stereotypically wise elderly Asian man who just tells the where to go.  Why didn’t they talk to this guy months ago? While Seagle is teasing a potential romance between Nightcrawler and Kitty, it’s really subtle and almost completely forgotten after this issue if I remember right.  Other than that, the characters really don’t have much to do except reiterate events of past issues leading up to this point and agonize over not having enough money to shop for jewelry.  This team is so terrible that they don’t even think to bring clothes to change into when they’re visiting downtown San Francisco!  The other team had enough time to put on coats and boots for the snowy mountains…it’s not hard.

After being told by Black Crane to get the story moving, the X-Men fight the Brotherhood for a couple of pages.  Bachalo’s art shows off the scope of the destruction and craziness quite well, but his superdeformed style makes some of the characters look odd.  His Wolverine looks more like Beast, his Blob changes sizes by the panel, and his Marrow has dreadlocks somehow. 

Of course if you read X-Men #82, you already know that the cliffhanger is once again going to be another Cerebro robot, and it’s pretty sad that a six part story has to use the same ending twice in a row.  Yes we’re supposed to glimpse the events from each team’s side, but this is a pretty unoriginal structure they’re using.  The X-Men issues at least had some novel uses of artwork to move the story, as well as the wonderful tension between Gambit and the rest of the team.  Here there is none of that, so all we get is an average story that ends with a very lackluster reunion with Xavier.

For Completists

X-Men #1/2

X-Men #1/2

Writing: Todd Dezago

Art: Mike Wieringo

What Went Down:  We begin in a medieval fantasy city named Salaam Centaur (see where this is going?) full of knights, horses, fairies, and traders.  Nightcrawler is there, but he’s dressed like someone form Lord of the Rings and going by the name Kurt of the Ulfen Warriors.  Kurt comes into contact with a beggar, who is actually Marrow.  While the warrior gives Marrow some coins, she picks his pocket and takes the rest of his money.  However, when she returns to her hiding spot, the coin purse disappears from the spot she left it. 

Elsewhere, Ororo the Goddess-of-the-Winds is visited by Kit, an elven ambassador of Phaerie.  Of course these characters are actually Storm and Kitty Pryde.  At a tavern, Kurt comes into contact with a mercenary named Logan, who of course is Wolverine.  Wolverine and Storm simultaneously tell the story to their respective companions of a dark wizard that clouds men’s minds and his army of townspeople who protect him.  Both Logan and Ororo want to rescue the kidnapped people.  As both groups leave, Storm and Kitty are tracked by Colossus while Nightcrawler and Wolverine are tracked by Marrow.

Outside the castle, Kurt confronts Marrow, and Colossus confronts all of them.  The group decides to join forces, although Marrow is reluctant, thinking it is not her fight.  The Dark Wizard confronts the X-Men and commands his horde of townspeople to attack.  As Kurt teleports he notices reality flickering, revealing present day people fighting in a mall.  Kitty confirms the illusion when she phases. 

Logan gets an idea to stop the wizard.  Individually all the heroes attack the wizard and are one by one mind controlled.  The wizard reveals himself to be X-Men villain Mesmero, who is obviously hypnotizing the X-Men and the civilians into believing the medieval illusion.  After Colossus is possessed, Kit phases through him to punch out Mesmero. With Mesmero unconscious, the world turns back to normal and all of the civilians are freed.  The X-Men decide to leave with Mesmero, assuming that they will get the blame for this.

How It Was:  This issue was a special that could be ordered from Wizard Magazine.  Every month they would have a different ½ issue to be solicited from Marvel or Image (and rarely DC).  Most of these were one-off stories that never affected the major plot lines of the characters, since the issues were only available to Wizard Magazine readers and inaccessible to most regular X-Men readers.  So hence we have this little diddy that fits in after the Excalibur group joins, but before Gambit does.

What really works in this book is the setting and fantasy redesigns for all the characters.  Mike Wieringo really went above and beyond; from the first page it captures the feel of a swords and sorcery epic like Conan.  The costumes for all the characters are phenomenal.  They’re completely different form their regular costumes, but still feel true to the characters. 

The story is hampered a little by its brief length; it’s only sixteen pages long.  And the first half of the story is just introducing the characters, the characters introducing themselves to each other, and then explaining the big wizard that they need to fight. Again the art carries the book as the scope of the final battle is pretty impressive; there are a dozen townsfolk on any given page for the heroes to fight.  It’s just too bad the fight is only like four or five pages long. 

The reveal of Mesmero is quite random, and he doesn’t have any motivation here for making a mall full of people and the X-Men believe they live in a Tolkien novel.  He just does it for the sake of doing it.  Mesmero’s plot doesn’t even make sense.  He obviously has to have hypnotized the X-Men in the first place to make them believe the illusion of the fantasy world, so why not just make them his slaves to begin with; probably because that already happened when he made the X-Men circus performers in Uncanny #111.  Still, he tries to convince the X-Men to join him, then he takes over their minds at the end, but he still has to have some control over them for the fantasy world to work.  I just don’t know.

This is pretty easily skippable.  It has no bearing on the plot of either of the main titles.  It’s essentially filler that would have wound up in an issue of X-Men Unlimited if Wizard hadn’t approached Marvel to make a gimmicky collectable for the most popular comics franchise at the time.  Having said that, it is still worth a look to see the fantasy spins Wieringo gave the X-Men; between this and his FF run, it’s obvious Wieringo was a truly amazing talent.  Other than that it’s too short and inconsequential.

C

X-Men #80

X-Men #80

Writing: Joe Kelly

Art: Brandon Peterson

What Went Down:  Kitty starts off the issue making her escape while the evil X-Men pursue her.  She manages to make it down to the sewers where she finds the captive Peter Corbeau.

Elsewhere in the Florida swamplands, Colossus and Wolverine tear themselves out of the crashed Blackbird.  Wolverine acts abrasive towards Peter, angry about his time as one of Magneto’s Acolytes.  Storm appears to remind him that it is not worse than his marriage to Viper.  Rogue wakes up powerless and is saved from a hungry alligator by Marrow. 

There is more exposition from the blond news reporter, followed by a scene where a scientist and a general discuss the rockets true purpose…to hunt down and kill mutants.  Back in the sewers, Corbeau warns Kitty that she has to stop the rocket from launching.  Kitty escapes, forced to leave Corbeau behind. 

With Storm and Rogue powerless and Nightcrawler badly injured, the X-Men are forced to hike through the swamp.  Colossus helps Marrow remove some of her broken bone shards so new ones will grow.  Marrow mentions that Peter’s brother used to do the same thing for him.  With the team’s spirits down, Storm gives an impassioned speech that inspires them to continue on.  Kitty appears at a copy shop and sends a fax to SHIELD that is intercepted by Xavier.

The X-Men make it to Cape Citadel, just in time for Nightcrawler to feel better and Rogue and Storm to get their powers back.  Kitty also shows up at the control tower, just in time for it to be attacked by the alternate X-Men.  Fortunately the real X-Men show up to save her.  The Grey King is tinkering with the rocket when the true X-Men attack.  A fight ensues and the control team tries to launch the rocket.  In the middle of the fight, Xavier confronts our heroes and demands that they stop interfering with his goals.  The X-Men question his behavior, but Xavier explains that the Benassi Rocket contains hardware to complete a network that can identify and kill mutants with satellite lasers at will.  The X-Men are conflicted about what to do until Wolverine smells him and realizes that this Xavier isn’t even human.  After being attacked, the false Xavier turns into a being of blue energy. 

The Grey King removes the satellite from the rocket to help Xavier catalogue mutants.  The rocket is triggered with the X-Men right where the engines are, but Kitty is able to phase the team to prevent them from being disintegrated.  The rocket has to be stopped because it contains a nuclear payload, so Rogue absorbs Nightcrawler and Colossus’ powers as well as Wolverine’s military knowledge to stop it.  The X-Men stop the other “X-Men” and destroy the satellite while Rogue disarms the rocket.  The blue energy Xavier is appalled that the X-Men stopped him and vows vengeance, and the X-Men steal their enemies’ jet to get home.  The final two pages show the scientific, military, and government officials being grilled about attempting to wipe out mutants through the Benassi rocket.  The last page reveals that the false X-Men are just hard-light programs, and the false Xavier is really Cerebro, the X-Men’s mutant detecting computer, brought to life.

How It Was:  I’ve always liked Joe Kelly’s issues just a little more than Steve Seagle’s, and reading them side by side with the exact same cast and plot makes this preference even more apparent to me.  Both writers have a great handle on the characters, but Kelly just adds more small touches, more humor, and more of an emotional impact altogether.  The scene that exemplifies this the most is Marrow saving Rogue from the gator.  Whereas Seagle’s Marrow is more of an angry kid who rubs everybody the wrong way and doesn’t always realize what she’s saying, Kelly’s Marrow is a jaded, battle hardened youth who points out the weaknesses that others take for granted.  When she stands up to Storm about their odds against the evil X-Men, she’s being realistic, not condescending, and even Rogue and Strom agree with her a little.  Plus the scene of her killing the gator just makes me laugh.  Other stand out moments include Storm’s pep talk and some of the characters’ reflections on Xavier’s meaning to them.

Of course there are some nitpicks.  The worst offense is Rogue being drawn with her pink outfit from Uncanny #342-350 instead of her original green costume that she was wearing last issue.  This always, always bothers me every time I read this story.  Wolverine’s behavior towards Colossus feels a little hypocritical, considering how conflicted Wolverine has always been about straddling the line between hero and killer.  It still kind of works as Wolverine reacting to missing his friend in the only manner he can while maintaining his gruff persona, but it feels a little forced.  Also, there are some issues with the order of events in the story.  Xavier tells the X-Men to process Kitty towards the end of Uncanny #360, then the bad X-Men take out the real ones, then the next issue opens with them trying to capture Kitty, which they should’ve done before attacking the real X-Men.  Oh, and Peter Corbeau serves absolutely no purpose in this story; yeah he warns Kitty about the rocket, but fake Xavier is the one who explains to the X-Men why it’s important.  Corbeau doesn’t even show up in the end; there’s just a brief mention about the officials under investigation because of his testimony.

As for the villains of the story…they’re okay I guess.  They’re not funny, they’re not scary, they’re not really noble…they just kind of do whatever the plot requires of them.  As for the reveal at the end, I like the design of the living Cerebro, even if the concept is a little silly.  Plus the reveal confuses the origins of the all-new X-Men; my understanding of it is although they think they’re real mutants, they’re just programs constructed from Cerebro, made up of file combinations from all the mutants Cerebro knows.  So Rapture is a combination of Angel and Mystique; Landslide is a combination of Sabretooth and Blob; etc.  I can’t remember if this is from future issues, or if I just read this theory somewhere online.  I guess we’ll see.

There is a nice conflict here, not between the two teams, but with the idea of the X-Men’s identities being robbed from them, both by these new villains and the unfortunate circumstances that have left them down and out.  Kelly manages to make it feel significant that the X-Men are reclaiming their agency and their purpose.  Again, all the X-Men just feel perfectly characterized, and although their villains here are forgettable, the stakes of being supplanted or made obsolete feels very real.  It’s nowhere near as good a starting point as X-Men #70 was, but this is admittedly a likeable cast, and both writers have a strong handle on them.

B+

Uncanny X-Men #360

Uncanny X-Men #360

Writing: Steve Seagle

Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down: On the anniversary of Magneto’s first battle with the X-Men in Uncanny X-Men #1, a news reporter is covering the controversial launching of the Benassi rocket.  While the government insists it is just carrying camera equipment, skeptics are protesting the secrecy of the project and the nuclear components on the rocket. 

A mysterious bald figure in a wheelchair is collecting a new team of mutants to help him save the world.  There is the Grey King, a graduate assistant with telepathic dampening powers; Chaos, an autistic who can shoot psycho-plasmic force blasts; Mercury, who has liquid metal limbs; Rapture, a nun who is blue and has angel wings; Crux, an ice skater who can shoot fire and ice; and Landslide, a giant brawler.  At the end of the recruitment we see that it is none other than Professor X inviting the mutants to join the X-Men.

On a cruise ship named Titania, Colossus, Kitty Pryde, and Nightcrawler are enjoying a vacation after the disbanding of Excalibur.  The group discusses how it is the anniversary of the X-Men going public, and the ways that this event changed their lives.  Their reverie is interrupted by the new X-Men, who attack the cruise ship.  While Nightcrawler evacuates passengers and Colossus tries to plug a hole created by the fake X-Men, Kitty is captured by the group.

In the sewers of Washington D.C., Marrow, Rogue, Storm, and Wolverine are fighting a high tech security system.  Finding a door with an X on it, the group enters it to find a room outside a lab.  Although they were invited by sometime X-ally Peter Corbeau, it appears Corbeau has been abducted.  A tape left at the crime scene incriminates the X-Men. 

In a bunker in the Florida swamps, the evil X-Men are holed up with the captured Kitty.  Kitty is shocked that the mutants call themselves X-Men, and even more shocked to find that they have intimate knowledge of the real X-Men.  Professor X shows up to chastise Kitty for her behavior.

Inside the Lincoln Memorial, the four remaining X-Men meet with Val Cooper to discuss Corbeau’s disappearance.  Val offers the X-Men resources to help them clear their name.  Over in Salem, Nightcrawler and Colossus have gone to the mansion to enlist the help of the other X-Men.  The mansion is empty except for a shotgun wielding Cecilia Reyes, who is housesitting for the team.  After a brief misunderstanding, Cecilia leads the two heroes to the hanger where the original Blackbird is being housed after it was salvaged in Uncanny #353.  Kurt thinks he can fix it.

Back in Florida, Xavier tells Kitty that he cannot access his emotions because Bastion attempted to bind his functions to a computer with a virus.  Xavier’s detached behavior worries Kitty, as does the fact that he didn’t just ask for her help.  On the X-Men’s borrowed jet, the team observes a press conference outside the Cape Citadel rocket launch where a US director is seemingly assassinated.  We then get a scene where some shadowy government figures discuss how this was a fake distraction to take people’s attention away from what is really on the rocket.

Kitty manages to purge the virus from the computer.  Xavier rewards her by having his X-Men recapture her and prepare her for storage.  Up in the sky, the X-Men’s plane is dismantled in the air.  They assume Magneto is attacking, but it’s actually the fake X-Men.  A mid-air battle takes place, but Storm and Rogue lose their powers due to the Grey King.  Wolverine is left plummeting to the ground, but he is saved by Nightcrawler.  After saving the rest of the team, the Blackbird is shot down by Mercury.  

How It Was:  I had assumed I was done with gimmicky shiny foil cover double-sized issues, but lo and behold here we have two in a row.  Uncanny X-Men #360 and X-Men #80 are celebrating the 35^th anniversary of Uncanny X-Men #1; to my recollection these are the end of the foil-cover era for the X-Men.  These issues also mark some drastic changes to the books, mostly forced upon the writers by editors.  The team has been scaled back to a core cast of seven regulars, Uncanny and X-Men tie into each other regularly making for essentially a bi-weekly reading experience, and the former members of Excalibur are being shuffled back on the team. 

I’m torn about the inclusion of Nightcrawler, Kitty, and Colossus.  On the one hand I’m overjoyed as an X-Men fan to see them since these characters haven’t been on the main X-Men team in almost a decade (Excalibur lasted 125 issues).  On the other hand, it’s clear there is no real reason or story behind having them back on the team—somebody just thought it would be neat, which it is.  But there is something to be said for picking a cast because of potential stories to do and picking a team because people like the characters.  Worst of all, the majority of the new X-Men (Maggott and Cecilia), who had tons of story potential as the characters grew into their heroic roles, have completely been thrown out without any warning.  I really liked both these characters and the books feel more directionless without them.

But I should probably talk about the comic itself.  It’s double-sized, and fairly padded out, although there are some nice action sequences towards the end. A lot of the fluff revolves around the tedious newscaster exposition scenes that just aren’t very interesting.  There’s an incomprehensible attempt to make them more relevant by having a government conspiracy with a faked assassination that makes no sense at all.  If you wanted people to not pay attention to you’re high profile satellite launch, pretending to kill a member of the staff seems like it would be counterproductive.  Having the story take place at Cape Citadel is a nice call back to the first issue of the series, but many of these scenes feel tiresome, constantly reminding the reader about the rocket and that mutants are a divisive issue.  There’s a whole four-page sequence with Val Cooper that serves no purpose other than to say out loud that the X-Men are still hated and mistrusted, and for Val to give the X-Men a TV and a plane.  Also, the necessity of Kitty to “Xavier’s” plan seems arbitrary.

While I really like the homage to Giant-Sized X-Men #1 with Xavier collecting his new team, none of the characters really stand out.  Most of them do feel derivative, although that does tie into their origins, and none of them really come off as likable or menacing.  Plus Chaos, the autistic character, speaks in these one-word fragments, and I’ve never known any autistic person to do that.  Strangely it is played for comedy most of the time; Nightcrawler even mocks him for it at one point in the story.

Bachalo does a great job making the cruise ship and air battles seem frantic and chaotic.  The X-Men versus guns in the sewer feels a little forced for the sake of action, and I don’t understand how a door in the sewer leads to a vent on the surface where the X-Men can see the hole their friend was abducted in.  Peter Corbeau is pulled out from comic limbo for no other purpose then he was a scientist in that one space story in the seventies.  You know, the Phoenix Saga. 

The mystery over Xavier’s cold demeanor does work really well, and it’s about time the books actually addressed what is up with Charles.  And although I still think the Excalibur recruits feel forced onto this team, they do get some nice moments.  I enjoy the discussion of life without the X-Men where Kurt realizes he’d probably be dead.  There is also a sense of exhilaration from the team when Colossus and Nightcrawler first show up to save them. 

This issue could work a little better as a normal-sized issue.  Take away some of the exposition from the newscaster and Val Cooper, maybe a little more time for us to get to know the evil X-Men and care about them one way or the other, and this could’ve been one of the greats.  It does succeed in feeling like a new direction, it gets the characters right, and it is bookended by two solid action sequences. 

B-

Excalibur #71

Excalibur #71
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Ken Lashley, Darick Roberson, and Matthew Ryan

What Went Down: Part 6 of Fatal Attractions: This issue opens with Nightcrawler fighting the Acolyte Spoor on Muir Island. Since the X-Factor part of this crossover depicted Spoor as a prisoner, he has been transferred to the Muir Isle, but he escaped. Spoor’s powers affect people’s emotions, so Nightcrawler almost kills the mutant. Luckily Kitty Pryde pops in and phases Spoor so he doesn’t get his skull bashed in. Moira thanks Rachel, Kitty, and Nightcrawler for bringing Spoor back, and then Cyclops, Jean Grey, and Professor X show up for a visit.

Xavier reveals that he has a plan get Colossus to return to the X-Men; he believes that Peter is suffering from the effects of his injuries from the X-Cutioner in Uncanny X-Men Annual #17. He wants Kitty to trick Peter into coming to Muir Isle so the X-Men can capture him and fix the trauma. Kitty is initially appalled, but eventually she reluctantly agrees.

Kitty sends a message to Avalon. Colossus is convinced that Kitty would never betray him, so he gets permission from Exodus, the new leader of the Acolytes, to journey down to Earth. Exodus tells Amelia Voght to give him an hour before bringing him back. Kitty lashes out at Cyclops and the Professor for forcing the deception. Rachel identifies that Kitty is really just scared that Colossus’ condition won’t affect his decision.

Cable’s computer the Professor identifies a signal from Avalon. Cable says that he has unfinished business with the Acolytes, and thinks it might be a trap for Xavier. Back on Muir Isle, Cyclops and Nightcrawler prepare the device to cure Colossus. Nightcrawler explains the state of Excalibur and the fact that most of its members have either left or been lost. Cyclops comforts him by comparing Excalibur to the original X-Men and showing that change can be good.

Outside, Jean Grey reconciles with Rachel Summers after freaking out on her when they first met. Jean reveals that she and Scott might be getting married soon and having a child. Rachel calls Jean “Mom” for the first time.

Colossus teleports down from space and the X-Men subdue him. On the other side of the island, Cable is climbing up the rock face looking to hunt the Acolytes. Phoenix intercepts him, and reveals her real name. Cable and the Professor both appear to recognize the name Rachel Summers—this is because in the future Rachel founds the Askani, the group that raises Cable. Cable and Rachel fight—at one point Rachel’s body turns into Captain Britain’s—a subplot from the regular series, I’m sure.

Colossus is strapped into a machine that utilizes Cyclops’ optic blasts to burn a hole in his head, somehow repairing the damage. Nightcrawler decides to respond to an intruder alert. Rachel tricks Cable into thinking she’s weakened, and then blindsides him with her telepathy. Nightcrawler confronts the Acolytes Voght, Katu, and Unuscione, and does a fair job of holding them off. Back in the lab, the trauma to Peter is fixed and he is finally able to return to human form. Cyclops and Phoenix (Rachel) join Nightcrawler outside in fighting the Acolytes. The fight ends when Colossus shows up and decides that he still wishes to remain with the Acolytes. The Acolytes teleport away, and the remaining three members of Excalibur decide to stay on Muir Isle to assist Moira in her work.

How It Was: Like the X-Factor issue of the crossover, this issue doesn’t have a whole lot to do with the return of Magneto. However it features characters from the X-Men guest starring, it deals with an important plot point from the crossover, and it has a hologram on the cover, so it’s still part of the crossover. While the Fatal Attractions story really ends in Wolverine #75, this issue serves the dual purposes of following up on Colossus’ defection and trying to lure in new readers by presenting a new status quo that is perfect for jumping on. Sneaky.

The good first. Nightcrawler, Kitty, and Rachel have always been fan favorite X-Men characters, and I always thought that it was a shame that they were condemned for so long on the British X-Men. Excalibur fans might argue with me, but I still think that they belong on the actual X-Men. Besides, nobody read Excalibur for Kylun or Megann, they read it for the big three, if you will. But Lobdell does a great job of bringing their personalities to life, bearing in mind that for a lot of X-Men fans, this is the first time we’ve seen these characters in a while. Nightcrawler’s humor really shines through in his fight scenes. Kitty’s internal conflict and angst over Colossus and her struggles to be seen as an adult fit right into where straight X-Men fans saw her last, but there are still signs of character growth as well. And Phoenix’s sensitivity is used to make peace with Jean, and drop some more hints about Cable’s past. All in all, these are three really likable, relatable characters, and I’m sure this issue succeeded in selling a few more later on.

Now for the bad. Filling a double-sized issue of Excalibur can’t be easy, especially since most of the team is gone. First off, the central plot of fixing Colossus kind of makes sense, but this is something that really should have been done way before Illyana died. And while it was nice of the X-Men to fix Peter so he could return to human form, couldn’t Jean and the Professor read his mind and figure out that it was his decision to be an Acolyte? The major problem is the Cable/Rachel fight, since Cable has absolutely no reason to be there. There’s some grumbling about wanting to confront the Acolytes, but really there is no reason for Cable to show up other than to talk to Rachel and reveal some clues that she is his foster mother/sister from another time stream. Then he gets knocked out... the end. The Acolytes finally get another chance to be in the forefront, and they get completely trounced. I guess there is no better way to build up a villain team than to have them easily dispatched with no tension built whatsoever.

As for Excalibur’s new status quo, it’s not exactly mind-blowing or exciting. They’re moving from England to Scotland—whopee. Part of the reason Excalibur never really took off as a book was that it was never really clarified why there needed to be an international team of mutants; plus this meant that the team was far removed from the other teams and the rest of the Marvel Universe, which can be good or bad depending on how you look at it. And while Excalibur made it for another fifty-some issues, it was almost always the lowest selling of the X-books.

As far as being a finale to a major crossover, this story doesn’t really carry a lot of weight. As a whole, Fatal Attractions is one of the only crossovers I can think of that peaks in the middle and fizzles at the beginning and end; most major storylines save their biggest moment for the epic finale (see X-Cutioner’s Song, Onslaught, Messiah Complex, etc.). Overall the crossover works okay, but there are a lot of unnecessary issues attached; you could basically treat Uncanny X-Men #304-Wolverine #75 as the crossover in its entirety, with X-Force #25 acting as some kind of prelude. This crossover had its moments, almost none of them occur in this issue, and since nothing changes with Colossus, there’s really no need to dig this one up unless you’re a completist.

C-