X-Men #47

X-Men #47
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: The X-Babies find themselves in Little Italy after running away from Gog and Magog last issue. A priest stops to help them and this affords them a chance to recap the plot. Gog and Magog show up, and the X-Babies keep running.

The club from last issue has been completely destroyed, but Bishop and Gambit were somehow able to survive and blow themselves out of the rubble. Gambit reasserts that he would never willingly hurt the X-Men, but Bishop brushes him off so they can go look for the X-Babies.

At the bookstore, Baby Storm and Baby Iceman are fighting with each other, but Jean uses her powers to hide them from the crowd. The X-Babies convince the two X-Men to help them; Iceman mentions that they aren’t real, but Jean detects psionic imprints, so even if they started out as artificial lifeforms, they are alive now.

The rest of the X-Babies hide in a carnival stuffed animal shelf while Gog and Magog tear the carnival apart. Gambit and Bishop show up to save the day, but the fight ends with the X-Men pinned. The X-Babies decide to help fight back with water pistols and a mallet. Then Jean and Bobby show up with rest of the X-Babies to help out. They freeze the bad guys, but the bad guys break out. Magog is about to eat all the X-Babies when a blinding light interrupts him. The light came from former X-Man and current co-leader of Mojoworld, Dazzler.

Gog and Magog refer to her as “your majesty” but Dazzler insists that she has no role in the new political structure; she teleports the two minions away after chastising them. Dazzler then tells the kids that they can live with her and Longshot until the political situation stabilizes in Mojoworld. The X-Men share pleasantries with Dazzler, and Jean interrupts Iceman from asking about all the mouths to feed. As the X-Babies teleport away, Jean tells Iceman that she didn’t sense any life within Alison, inferring that she had a miscarriage. At the mansion, Xavier summons Tabitha Smith, aka Boomer, to explain to her that he is turning Sabretooth over to the government in Uncanny #328.

How It Was: Well…this is something different. Scott Lobdell tries to lighten things up a little with the X-Babies, but the problem is that none of the humor is particularly clever, or for that matter funny. All of the jokes revolve around the cuteness and immaturity of the X-Babies, which can be hilarious when done right: see Runaways’ Molly Hayes. But none of these jokes are really funny, although Kubert’s representations are cute enough to make you smile when you see them.

As for the rest, well we’ve dumped most of the characterization for faster paced action, but it’s action against Gog and Magog, so I can’t imagine anybody caring. And the whole thing resolves itself anti-climactically when we learn that the two minions mixed up their orders. Seeing Dazzler is kind of neat, except it’s only for about three pages—enough time for the X-Men to say hi real quickly. And I never understood why Jean assumes Dazzler had a miscarriage; she hasn’t been seen for thirty-six issues, surely that’s enough time in comic time for a pregnancy to come to term. Heck, Ka-Zar and Shanna’s pregnancy happened almost entirely off-panel, and then that baby just kind of disappeared. But I digress.

This is a very weird story that doesn’t work because it isn’t all that funny and it wraps up a little too neatly for its own good. Really it’s a bit of a disaster, but the art is nice.

D

X-Men #46

X-Men #46
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Gambit is taking Bishop out for a night at an underground gambling establishment that he knows of. Bishop doesn’t take kindly to being frisked at the door, so he beats up the bouncers. It’s quite clear he does not view this as a fun night out.

At the same time, Iceman is helping Jean shop for books for her niece and nephew. Actually he’s using this opportunity to talk about his self-confidence issues with his powers. In an underground base in the mid-west, some soldiers are investigating the disappearance of fifteen scientists while talking to Senator Kelly. All of the computer screens have the words “Onslaught” on them.

At the club, Gambit asks Bishop whether he still thinks Gambit might be the traitor; Bishop admits that he trusts that Gambit’s intentions are pure, although he still thinks Gambit might turn out to be the traitor.

At the gambling tables some of the patrons feel something rubbing against their legs. They pull out guns, look under the tables, and discover the X-Babies. Two of the gamblers threaten to kill the X-Babies, but they defend themselves with their powers. When people try to intervene, Gambit and Bishop take it upon themselves to protect the children.

At the bookstore, Bobby asks Jean to check his mind for signs of Emma Frost. After discussing the progress of her own powers in comparison to Bobby’s, the two are interrupted by the Iceman and Storm X-Babies. In South America outside a barn, a young woman comes across an unconscious Magneto.

After Bishop and Gambit finish off the mob, the children tell them that they are on the run from Gog and Magog. At that moment, the two Mojoworld villains appear from a portal announcing that they are going to cancel the X-Babies.

How It Was: Well Scott Lobdell’s workload doubles as he takes over writing duties for standard X-Men as well as Uncanny. It’s obvious that with this first arc he is trying for a story with a lighter tone, since the last year of X-books has been killer diseases and post-apocalyptic wastelands. The problem is, he goes about doing this with the X-Babies.

Now the X-Babies—miniature child versions of the regular X-Men—began life in a short story by Chris Claremont, who was parodying the way that Marvel was capitalizing on the X-Men’s success with numerous spinoffs. Of course in the eighties there was only like two or three spinoffs and in the nineties there were a lot more.

Anyways, Lobdell’s take on the X-Babies doesn’t seem to be trying to satirize anything. Instead, he’s playing them straight as children with super powers, which is fine, but it isn’t very interesting or funny. All of the jokes revolve around the children adorably begging for help and arguing with each other, or they revolve around X-Baby Cyclops’ lisp, which gets quite old. On top of that, we get a cliffhanger introducing D-list villains Gog and Magog for next issue, so there’s not a whole lot to look forward to with this story.

Iceman is still worrying about how little he’s done with his powers, a plot point that feels like it has been going on for years. The one shining character thread of this comic belongs to Gambit. After being rejected by Rogue for being unable to reveal aspects of his past, it’s interesting to see Gambit gravitate to Bishop, the other X-Man who doesn’t trust him. What we see is Remy hiding behind his scoundrel side while trying to see if he can convince Bishop that he is not a bad guy, in hopes that he might someday be able to do the same for Rogue and the rest of the X-Men. It’s rather touching to see such a subtle and complex reaction as the fallout from the last couple of issues of Gambit dealing with losing Rogue.

The art works really well, especially in terms of selling the seediness of the club that Gambit and Bishop go to. The X-Babies are suitably silly and adorable looking, even if they don’t have a lot to say or do. I would call this a disappointing debut for Lobdell on X-Men, which is unfortunate since he is capable of much better work. It’s hard to tell if he was caught unaware by Fabian Nicieza’s resignation (Nicieza left because he felt there was too much editorial interference), or if this was just a misfire.

D+

X-Men Annual #1

X-Men Annual # 1
Writer: Fabian Nicieza and Dan Slott
Art: Way Too Many to List and Karl Altstaetter

Sorry it has been so long, real life and all that. Let's try this again. It’s a retroactive review since I didn’t have these issues at the time. I’ll be putting them in the appropriate order later down the line. The Shattershot story takes place before Uncanny #289 because Forge is still around, but after X-Men #9 because Bishop is around and an established member of the team. Also, each issue is 64 pages long, so these are gonna be some loooong posts.

What Went Down: This story takes place before the Mojo story in X-Men #10-11.
The story starts off in Mojoworld where a rebellion of bipeds has formed to fight Mojo’s tyranny. Most of them get slaughtered and the rebel leader Quark, a goat man with an eye patch…seriously, gets captured for brainwashing. Also getting captured is Arize, the star of this crossover, but he manages to teleport to earth. Mojo mentions that without the time dancer Spiral, Arize will surely be driven insane.

In the Danger Room, Psylocke and Beast are competing with Gambit and Rogue to reach a button. Psylocke wins, and is rewarded by having Wolverine try to gut her. Cyclops explains that the mission isn’t over until everyone gets home. Fortunately Professor X interrupts the rest of his lecture.

Forge and the Professor explain that Cerebro has picked up a non-human signature in Afghanistan. So the blue team goes off to investigate.

Mojo and his lackey Major Domo discuss plans to retrieve Arize. After once again establishing that Spiral is necessary to teleport people between dimensions, Mojo decides to televise the hunt, as if the reader couldn’t have called that twist from a million miles away.

As the X-Men approach the Afghani camp, they are attacked by the militants there. Because this is the 90’s, and pre-9/11, the X-Men actually take a sympathetic stance towards the rebels; if you know your world history of the time, Afghanistan had helped fight the Soviets and were actually able to keep a Soviet dictatorship out of their country, due to the U.S. backing them with weapons and supplies, but afterwards it left a power vacuum where the rightful government and infrastructure of the country should be. Regardless, the X-Men beat up the soldiers until Beast explains their true purpose to the leader of the camp; apparently the Beast speaks fluent Pushti.

Arize is discovered under the care of the Afghani people with no memory of who he is or where he came from. At the same time, Mojo’s soldiers arrive on Earth, notably without Spiral. Semi-important characters include the brainwashed Quark, who we met at the beginning of the issue, and the father/son team of Gog and Magog, who believe it or not do appear in later X-Men stories. Psylocke scans Arize’s mind and discovers some vague hints about the rebellion and a fallen messiah who is not named, but is obviously Longshot. Suddenly she senses another presence, which happens to be the bad guys.

The X-Men fight off the bad guys. During the battle, the bad guys express the fact that they have no choice but to obey Mojo, otherwise their lives and families would be forfeit; the X-Men are completely unsympathetic and explain that everybody has free choice. The bad guys mention Longshot before escaping through a portal—please note that once again, they are without Spiral. Cyclops prevents Wolverine and Rogue from following, even though Longshot was their friend and teammate back in the late 80s.

Back in Mojoworld, we learn that the ratings for the battle with the X-Men were huge, but they were detrimental to Mojo because they made him appear incompetent. A mysterious individual oversees Mojo on a monitor. This shadowed character turns out to be Mojo II from X-Men #10-11.

What Else Went Down: In the back up story, Jubilee decides to prove herself by programming all of the X-Men’s greatest enemies into the Danger Room. Wolverine stops her, and then as a quick educational experience, goes through the top ten X-Men villains. In order from ten to one they are: Mojo, the Reavers, Sentinels, the Brood, the Upstarts, Omega Red, Apocalypse, Mr. Sinister, Magneto, and the number one enemy is…hatred and intolerance. Nitpicks of note: Wolverine is wearing his brown costume even though this story has to take place after the introduction of Omega Red, where he started wearing his yellow outfit again. Also, most of the Upstarts are completely wrong except for Fitzroy and Cortez, but Cortez is supposed to be a secret at this point.

How It Was: Shattershot is a pretty weak story all together. It deals a lot with Mojoworld, which has never been too central to the X-Men, and it deals with a lot of really awful villains, except for Spiral. While there are some attempts to expand on the origin of Longshot, you can pretty much guess that Arize is his creator from the start.

This issue starts the mediocrity off. A lot of space is padded with exposition, such as the discussion about the necessity of having Spiral, even though she never shows up in this issue. And the Danger Room sequence at the beginning could also be labeled as completely unnecessary. Plus Arize isn’t really interesting at all; he’s mainly a plot device to be passed from X-team to X-team to continue the story. His arc consists of going from amnesiac to guilt ridden, tortured genius to crusader working towards redemption. It’s not bad; it’s just that none of it is particularly compelling or stands out in any way; the bad guys in this issue don’t help as you’re never convinced that they have a chance of defeating the X-Men.

I will admit that considering the number of artists on this issue (seven pencilers and six inkers) it doesn’t really look too bad. Also, there is a really funny speech from Beast when he tries to describe the differences between all of the X-groups. But all told this issue, and the story in general, is for completists only, and you can easily ignore it and not miss out on too much, unless you’re a huge Longshot or Mojo fan for some reason.

As for the back up strip, it isn’t anything to write home about. It is early Dan Slott, who recently finished up a really great arc on Mighty Avengers, so there is that. But outside of that, it isn’t even really a story, and the ending is so cheesy your eyes just might roll so hard as to get stuck.

D+