Uncanny X-Men & Fantastic Four Annual '98

Uncanny X-Men & Fantastic Four Annual '98
Writing: Joe Casey
Art: Paul Pelletier and Leo Fernandez

What Went Down:  A Stark-Fujikawa scientist named Doctor Beynon has just completed his invention, a miniturizer, with his robot assistant Hadley. Taking a break, Beynon decides to go with a colleague to Reed Richards’ press conference.  Beynon holds utter contempt for Richards, but goes regardless.

At the conference, Richards shows off his newest invention, a miniturizer of his own; Richards’ version is superior because, unlike Beynon, he though it might be more convenient to be able to return items to original size afterwards.  Beynon is escorted away from the conference after trying to confront Mr. Fantastic.  Later he is accused of stealing from Richards, even though he had been working on the invention for months. Losing his job, Beynon vows revenge on Reed Richards. 

At the X-Mansion, Cecilia Reyes is bored, and Beast is trying to entertain her with a game of chess.  He invites her to go to the opera with him, although Cecilia wants him to clarify whether it is a date.  Storm watches amusedly.  Elsewhere, Wolverine is forcing Cannonball to come with him to a poker game. 

Beynon breaks into the Stark offices to recover his invention.  He also discovers some other devices that he plans to use to exact his revenge.  At Pier 4, the FF’s new base, we learn that Reed and Sue just happen to be going to the same opera as Beast and Cecilia.  Meanwhile, the Thing is forcing the Human Torch to cancel his date to play poker with him and Wolverine. 

At the Met, Cecilia feels like everyone is staring at her because she hasn’t been out in public since being outed as a mutant.  Beast insists it’s just her imagination.  At the same time, the paparazzi are overwhelming Reed and Sue.  Back stage at the opera, Beynon has stolen the device that FF villain the Psycho Man uses to control the emotions of people.  He plans to use it during the opera.  Hidden in a closet, Beynon can’t tell if the device is working, but outside the actors and audience alike start going insane, jumping to anger and depression.

At the pier, Cannonball turns out to be really good at poker, even though he insists he doesn’t play.  Hadley, programmed into a Psycho Man robot, attacks the heroes.  Mr. Fantastic triggers the emergency flare before being overwhelmed by emotions.  After taking out the robot, Cannonball and the Torch fly off, while the other two run to their vehicles.

Inside the Met, Sue Richards attacks her husband while Cecilia attacks the Beast.  Wolverine and the Thing learn that both their vehicles have been smashed, so they have to get a taxi.  While in the taxi, the Psycho Man robot reactivates and goes after them.  The Psycho Man’s emotion controller shorts out due to all of the people it was controlling, and Beast and Mr. Fantastic confer to assess the situation.

Ben and Logan are attacked by the robot again and defeat it.  When everyone converges on the opera house, Beast and Reed have already captured Beynon.  While arguing about what to do with the Doctor, Beynon manages to get away, stealing the emotion controller as well. Upon returning to Stark-Fujikawa, Beynon is attacked by the actual Psycho Man.  The X-Men and FF soon show up to fight the villain.  Beynon actually tries to attack the heroes with a pipe.  The scientist tries to use his miniturizer on the FF, but it explodes taking Beynon and the Psycho Man with it.  Reed postulates that both of them have been sent to the microverse.

The issue ends with all the heroes returning to Pier 4 to relax.  Johnny and Sam have fallen asleep at the card table, while Ben and Logan continue to play adamantly. 

How It Was:  Uncanny’s annual teams them up with Marvel’s first family, the Fantastic Four.  In case you’re curious, the FF also had another annual in 1998 where they teamed up with an alternate version of themselves.  And this tale is written by future Uncanny scribe Joe Casey, who I believe was writing Cable at the time.  Anyway, you can see what Casey was going for, teaming the FF with their character equivalents on the X-Men: Beast and Reed are the intellectuals; Johnny and Sam are young, inexperienced, and energy-based fliers; Sue and Cecilia are serious and grounded nurturers who both have forcefields; and Thing and Wolverine are cigar chomping tough guys.

The biggest issue with this issue is the villain, Bradley Beynon.  He is this deluded, unintimidating, and unsympathetic whiner who has a weird fixation on Reed Richards.  He is so incompetent that he can’t figure out the Psycho Man’s emotion controller, even though it is essentially a box with buttons next to labels with emotion names on them.  I think he’s meant to be comedic, but Beynon is so over-the-top delusional that he’s hard to take.  I do like that Beynon has built a robot assistant, Hadley, with a dry, passive aggressive sense of humor.  Hadley gets some great lines, and I will say that it is interesting Beynon would build a helper who doesn’t mind taking him down a peg.

Casey has a great handle on all the heroes.  Thing and Beast’s comments are funny, which is crucial, and there are some great moments, such as Wolverine and Thing in a cab.  I also like the attention to character detail; Beast’s reaction to Psycho Man’s box is to be sad that he hasn’t cured the Legacy Virus, and the Invisible Woman is haunted by her time as the villain Malice and tells Mr. Fantastic that she was a better leader. 

There is an unintentional continuity hitch with Cannonball saying he’s never played poker, even though he has in X-Men #48.  In fact, that story featured the same order of events, where Cannonball insisted he wouldn’t be any good, then proceeded to clean out everybody.  It’s a small detail, so I can forgive it; you could even read into it that Cannonball is some kind of diabolical poker hustler, since I don’t think Wolverine was present at the last game, and the Thing left before Sam could play. 

Apologies for getting caught up in continuity details…it’s probably not that big of a deal.  As for the story, there are some good fights, even if the villains aren’t very interesting.  There is a weird plot hole where Beynon manages to escape and steal the emotion controller in the middle of eight super heroes discussing his fate.  Still, this is mostly a fun, slightly goofy team-up story that again has no real bearing on the bigger picture of the Marvel Universe.  It’s a mediocre story with some fantastic (reference intended) character moments.

B-

X-Men and Dr. Doom Annual '98

X-Men and Dr. Doom Annual '98
Writing: Jorge Gonzalez

Art: Aaron Lopestri

What Went Down:  This story takes place shortly after Uncanny X-Men #5 from the sixties.  Dr. Doom is utilizing a Seer to see the future.  The Seer is showing Doom images of Onslaught.  Although they don’t know the specifics, Doom realizes the danger and power Onslaught represents, and vows to utilize it to the fullest.  Doom also learns that he is not likely to survive his encounter with Onslaught.

Noting a similarity between Onslaught’s armor and that of the new (for 60s Marvel Universe) villain Magneto, Doom decides to travel through time to various points of the villain’s life to discover his connection to Onslaught and steal his power.  Starting with the X-Men’s first battle with Magneto, Doom tells the Seer to lock onto Magneto’s bio-signature to travel to future Magneto battles in the hunt for Onslaught.  After witnessing Magneto’s next defeat from the X-Men, Doom then witnesses Magneto’s first battle with the Giant-Sized team.  Phoenix actually detects the cloaked time platform and confronts Doom, but as the base collapses, Doom is able to escape.  The platform is damaged, and Doom is forced to the Days of Future Past storyline.

Doom leaves the time machine to look for parts.  He witnesses the future X-Men battling Sentinels from Uncanny #143, then escapes with the parts.  After fixing the time machine, Onslaught actually reaches out to the Seer in the time stream, and the old man learns that he is actually Charles Xavier.  The Seer takes Doom to the death of Thunderbird, Xavier’s battle with Dark Phoenix, his transformation into a Brood, and his near-death where he turns over the school to Magneto.

The time travelers actually make it to the present (meaning 1998 Marvel Universe), where Magneto is sitting on a throne by himself.  Doom attacks Magneto to weaken his mental guards so the Seer can learn about Onslaught.  After the battle, Doom escapes, and the pair travels to the events of X-Men #25, where Xavier shut off Magneto’s mind, planting the seeds of Onslaught.  Doom tries to absorb the Dark Mass to increase his power, but the entity is too powerful, so Doom has to return to his own time.  Upon returning, Doom kills the Seer because knowledge is power, and Doom doesn’t share power. 

How It Was:  This is a strange one, but not necessarily in a bad way.  In 1998, the theme of all Marvel’s annuals was team ups.  For example the Avengers annual had them team up with Squadron Supreme, and Captain America and Iron Man shared an annual.  Some of the team ups even involved bringing back bizarre obscure characters like Devil Dinosaur and Machine Man to team up with more established characters.  Anyways, the annual for X-Men features Doctor Doom.

Instead of actually having the X-Men team up with or fight Doom, we have a Doom story taking place early in the Marvel Universe’s history where he goes through a clip show of X-Men events to put the histories of Magneto and Xavier into context.  Because it would be weird to have Doom talking to himself for the whole issue, we get the one-off side character of the Seer introduced to exchange exposition with Doom and then unceremoniously get killed off when his purpose is fulfilled.

The premise is also a little weak as well because it involves Doom going after Onslaught.  We’re to understand that Doom can travel into the future to see how Magneto lost a million battles with the X-Men, so why doesn’t Doom just travel to see how Onslaught is defeated, figure out how he dies, and prevent it?  Moreover, why doesn’t he just observe one of his battles with the FF in the future, note how he loses, and change it?  So it invites all the questions that time travel stories invite without giving any satisfying answers.  Also we know Doom isn’t going to alter history, so he can’t succeed, but it really is hard to believe that he would know about Onslaught for so long and do nothing until it resurfaced again decades later.

So what we have is Doom visiting big moments in X-history, commenting on how feeble or respectable the X-Men and Magneto are at any given moment, then jumping to the next moment.  It does sort of work in a weird nostalgia stroking way.  It is neat to see all these big moments back to back, seeing how far the X-Men have come in thirty years of continuity, and remembering all the weird and unexpected turns they’ve taken.  Plus Lopestri’s art is remarkable and really captures the Silver Age feel of the story.  Even better, Gonzalez’s script takes advantage of Marvel continuity.  It’s neat to see that the confrontation Doom has with Phoenix actually fits into the story in Uncanny #113 if you ever get a chance to read it.  He does miss a chance to give hints of the present day Magneto’s plans though; it’s obvious the X-office had no idea what they were doing with Magneto, since when Doom shows up in our present, Magneto’s just sitting on a throne by himself for no reason.

Don’t get me wrong, this double-sized story is really padded and stretched out, and the main conflict isn’t very interesting. But there is just something entertaining, at least on a base level, about revisiting these memorable moments.  You’d probably be better off just rereading the original stories (I have the Essential X-Men black and white collections because you get a lot of story for a small price), but this one is fun, if completely inconsequential. 

B-

Uncanny X-Men ‘96 Annual

Uncanny X-Men ‘96
Writing: Terry Kavagnagh and Howard Mackie
Art: David Perrin and Nick Gnazzo

What Went Down: Preacher, the precognitive mutant artist from last year’s annual, is in a secluded cabin painting and trying to understand what his paintings mean. Two of his paintings, one of Bishop and the other of his sister Shard, connect. This leads Preacher to believe that the shadowy future in the background is to be either caused or prevented by the two heroes. Preacher then lights the cabin on fire because he is being chased by government officials who want to use him to control the future.

Some soldiers break-in just in time to salvage some of the paintings. More shady government types discuss how they recently infiltrated X-Factor, and they decide to go after Shard and Preacher by releasing a Hound.

Meanwhile, Strom brings Bishop to Las Vegas to meet with his deceased sister Shard, or rather a hologram that contains all of her memories and personality traits. Wild Child from X-Factor is bringing Shard. Bishop recalls that he and Shard grew up together in Las Vegas in the future, raised by an old man named Hancock before joining the XSE.

Shard eagerly awaits the reunion with her brother, but Bishop remains unconvinced that she is anything more than an elaborate computer program. The government releases the Hound, a genetically engineered monster, while Storm and Wild Child go off for drinks to leave the siblings alone.

Shard retells the story of Bishop’s first use of his powers with flashbacks; it happened after their guardian Hancock was killed by some gang members, and it led to the two joining the XSE. Bishop still isn’t willing to care about a projection, but they are both interrupted by Preacher. Preacher recognizes Bishop, and shows them a tattoo of a horrible future with the hound chasing them in Vegas. As the mutants talk, the Hound attacks.

Bishop and Shard fight it for a couple of pages, but it manages to knock Bishop out and steal the projector that projects Shard. Storm and Wild Child wake him from a flashback of Shard’s original death. They all decide to rescue Shard, with help from a building drawing in the dirt left by Preacher. The drawing is of Area 51.

In an underground lab, Dr. L. Stephens runs tests on this new hologram/lifeform. Shard feels pain as scientists try to “depixilate” her in order to gain all her knowledge of the future. Storm, Bishop, and Wild Child bust in and fight the Hound. Shard vaporizes her own projector to prevent the bad guys from gaining any more information, and the X-Men continue to fight the Hound. Bishop sets the lab on autodestruct, and Storm flies everyone away before it blows. The Hound makes a final leap to pursue, but doesn’t quite make it and falls to its presumed destruction.

In the Blackbird everyone feels remorse over Shard’s destruction; even Bishop now believes that it truly was his sister, and that she sacrificed herself. As they talk, Shard shows up from the back of the plane. Apparently blowing up her projector somehow gave her a new photon-based solid body. She hugs Bishop and everybody celebrates.

Back in a new hideout, Preacher is busy painting new visions of the future. These particular paintings involve superheroes fighting Onslaught. In the end we learn that Preacher is still being pursued by Bastion and Operation Zero Tolerance.

How It Was: For starters, this one feels like more of a premise for an X-Factor Annual than an Uncanny Annual, but this is the nineties, where nothing makes sense. And because Uncanny had a bigger audience base, it does make sense to introduce this here in an attempt to gain more X-Factor readers. Lord knows there weren’t that many at this point.

The story really shines in its depiction of Shard as the synthetic being trying to come to terms with her identity. She knows she’s not real, she knows she’s supposed to be dead, but she can’t help that she has all of these thoughts, memories, and feelings. This may’ve been done multiple times before with characters like the Vision, but there is still enough here character-wise to make this stand out and work really well. Despite his reaction, Bishop also comes across as sympathetic due to the fact that we’ve seen him struggle to accept his sister’s death in the past, only to have this sentient hologram show up and reopen all his old wounds. Really interesting stuff here.

Ultimately, the rest of the annual just isn’t very gripping. We have a number of flashbacks from Bishop’s mini-series that are unnecessary, a generic villain that adapts to mutant powers—but uglier, and an ending that wraps everything up a little too nicely. Oh, and Preacher stops by from last annual to tell the protagonists that they’re going to be chased by a Hound about a second before the Hound begins its attack, so good for him.

I can see the necessity of getting Shard in a solid body so that she can be better utilized over in X-Factor, but in the end it is way too convenient that destroying her holographic projector happens to turn her solid. As for the Hound, well if it could jump high enough to almost reach Storm once, why would it be hampered in trying the same stunt a second time? Throw in a generic tease for the Onslaught story and this one is nothing to really write home about. Plus, to my knowledge, Shard doesn’t show up in the X-Men titles ever again, so this story only really matters to fans of X-Factor, of which this annual is not a part of.

C

Uncanny X-Men '95 Annual

Uncanny X-Men ‘95
Writing: Terry Kavanagh
Art: Bryan Hitch

What Went Down: Cannonball stops by the Massachusetts Academy, interrupting a game of basketball between the members of Generation X. There’s some tension between Sam and Emma since she used to lead the New Mutants’ old enemies, the Hellions. Sam’s sister Husk tackles him, but it’s just for fun. Sam warns Paige about Emma, and then says that they have family business to take care of.

Sam and Paige’s sister Joelle is staying with mutant named Preacher, although nobody knows he’s a mutant. His power causes him to paint scenes of different events and the future, so lately he has been painting scenes from the Age of Apocalypse. We learn that Joelle and Preacher are members of Humanity’s Last Stand, a survivalist compound dedicated to preserving humanity.

Bishop, Storm, and Wolverine go with the Guthries for their visit home. Because they live in Kentucky, Sam’s mother has about seven or eight children. The oldest of the kids at home, Josh, is rather abrupt with X-Men, and Mrs. Guthrie blames herself for all her kids feeling trapped. She tells the X-Men about the pro-human cult, but Cannonball insists that he can take care of it himself.

Cannonball and Husk go to a Last Stand rally, which basically blames mutants for being an abomination in God’s eyes. Preacher is brought up to explain his visions as a cautionary tale of the dangerous future that mutants might bring. A mystery person sends a group of armored robots to stop Cannonball and Husk.

Sam and Paige find Joelle and learn that she is essentially acting out for attention. Paige follows the leader of the group, while Cannonball is attacked by the armored figures. He gets beat up, but manages to fly away. At the same time, Paige learns that the HLS is run by a member of the Trask family, and that he has manipulated the truth about Preacher’s visions to fit his needs.

Cannonball crashes in front of the Guthrie farm and asks for help from the other X-Men. A member of the Stand named Garibaldi ambushes Husk, and she is captured. Cannonball remembers hearing the Trask name while he was down, so the X-Men set off to rescue his sisters. Meanwhile Preacher tells Joelle that they need to escape after he sees members beating up Paige. Cannonball rescues her, but they are ambushed by more armored soldiers. Bishop finds Joelle and Preacher, but even more soldiers attack him.

Wolverine and Storm assist the Guthrie siblings, and Wolverine lets us know that they are fighting Nimrod technology. Since they’re only robots, Bishop creates a cave-in that traps the robots right as his friends escape. Girabaldi tells the X-Men to leave because they don’t have a legal right to be there, but they are content with knowing that they have uncovered the truth.

The X-Men say goodbye and Bishop asks about the boy Joelle was with. We then see a panel of Preacher painting a portrait of Joelle somewhere else.

How It Was: Wow, out of the last twelve reviews, half of them have been double-sized; my brain can’t take much more of this. Anywho, this is another of Marvel’s 1995 annuals, this one written by Terry Kavanagh. One of the first things to stand out is that this writer knows how to write Cannonball. He’s confident, competent, and not afraid to confront any of the “senior” X-Men. He has no trouble standing up to Emma Frost or telling Storm and Wolverine that he doesn’t want their help. This, my friends, is the Sam Guthrie we all know and love.

It’s unfortunate that Marvel feels the need to portray people who live in rural areas as bumpkins that spit out umpteen amounts of children, but that precedent was established well before Kavanagh got here. And while Humanity’s Last Stand is based on many real world survivalist movements, it’s disappointing to see that the members are so easily tricked into following the organization. Joelle and Preacher come off as slightly less sympathetic since they were both dumb enough to get involved with this group in the first place. And while Hitch’s art is very good, the designs for the nimrods are completely wrong, and they should be more difficult to defeat.

This is a pretty standard set up for a one-off X-Men story: rescuing someone from some form of supremacist group. This particular one seems to focus on hatred through religion, but without any of the articulate spiritual or political views that past antagonists like William Stryker or Robert Kelly have presented in the past. Plus, to my knowledge, we never actually meet the mystery Trask member who is in charge of the organization. This is competent, but nothing outstanding, along with some awesome Bryan Hitch art.

C

X-Men '95 Annual

X-Men ’95 (Annual)
Writing: J.M. Dematteis, Ralph Macchio, Scott Lobdell, and Matt Idelson
Art: Terry Dodson, John Paul Leon, and Ramon Bernardo

What Went Down: Starting with 1995, all Marvel Comics annuals discard their old numbering systems and are solely distinguished by the year…for a while at least. It’s hard to say when exactly this one takes place; it’s sometime after X-Men Prime, but before X-Men #45, which is still a really large time frame.

The issue starts off in a convalescents’ home where an old woman disappears from her room. We cut to the Beast running through the woods and diving off a cliff into a river for fun. Jean Grey is at the bottom, and the teammates joke with each other and reflect on recent events. Beast has invited the original X-Men to a cabin to reconnect, and Jean empathizes with his need to immerse himself in the comfortable and familiar.

Back at the nursing home Nathaniel Essex, who is really Mr. Sinister, is visiting the old woman from earlier, Faye Livingstone. A nurse leads Essex into her room, but the only person in the room is Genesis. For those who don’t know, Genesis is Cable’s stepson that was abducted in the future by Apocalypse and brainwashed. Genesis kills the nurse, and tells Sinister that he has observed Sinister visiting this woman every year. Thinking that he has discovered Sinister’s weakness, Genesis has abducted Faye and used genetic engineering to temporarily de-age her. Also, Genesis has gained the leadership of the Dark Riders.

After Genesis and the Dark Riders teleport away, Sinister has a flashback to when he first met Faye. Posing as Nathaniel Essex, Sinister lived in a large mansion in Hollywood during the 1930s. Essex throws a party and Faye Livingstone, a radio comedienne of the time, gets to dance with the host. Faye finds Essex very attractive and ends up staying over. In the middle of the night, Faye finds Sinister in his lab with his normal white skin.

Back at the cabin, Beast eats popcorn with his feet, and Jean goes to bed. Beast stays up and contemplates his bachelor status. The Dark Riders teleport in and tell Beast that they are going to kidnap Jean Grey. A fight ensues, and Jean is captured, but she is able to leave a psychic trail for Beast to follow in the Blackbird.

Genesis, Sinister, and Faye are located at Sinister’s old lab in Hollywood. Jean is suspended above them in a power cage, but she breaks out after a page. Genesis hides behind Faye, and Sinister asks Jean to stay back.

The flashback continues with Sinister holding Faye in his mansion for weeks while he conducts experiments on her. Her DNA has the potential to have a powerful mutant offspring. After weeks of her being terrified and imprisoned, Sinister sets her free without a word.

Beast arrives at the mansion and is attacked by goblin creatures engineered by Sinister. The scene ends with Beast appearing to be overwhelmed, but later he shows up and is fine. Inside, Genesis wants Jean to mind-link Sinister and Faye to force Sinister to reveal his feelings. Jean refuses, and Beast shows up to rescue her. Jean tries to lift Faye out of there, but Sinister begs her to let it play out; Beast tells Jean to listen to him after seeing distress on Sinister’s face.

In the mind-link, Faye and Sinister dance. Faye tells Sinister that she knows he loved her and he couldn’t find a way to express it. Faye then turns old again and dies. Sinister claims that her final thoughts were delusions and he shows no emotion at all. Genesis admits he was wrong and teleports away. Sinister tells the X-Men to leave. Beast puts an arm on Sinister’s shoulder, showing that he empathizes with his pain.

After the X-Men leave, the mansion bursts into flames. Sinister stares off in the distance silently. Genesis talks with one of the Dark Riders about his next plan, which deals with Wolverine and occurs in Wolverine #99-101. The next day, Cyclops and Archangel show up at the cabin. Cyclops wants to clean up after the battle with the Dark Riders, but Jean tells him there is nothing wrong and they kiss.

What Else Went Down: In the back-up story, Captain Britain—aka Brian Braddock is at a post office while the postmaster searches for a letter from Brian’s sister Psylocke. Brian then reads Psylocke’s letter about her new relationship with Archangel.

With the letter serving as Psylocke’s narration, we get a scene of Warren and Betsy at a carnival and discussing their relationship. They get cotton candy from a vendor who has a crush on Warren. Then the couple talks about their relationship some more, and they go off to ride the Ferris Wheel. The ride jams, they talk about their relationship some more, and Archangel flies off carrying Psylocke. While flying, they talk some more and determine that they really care about each other. After reading the letter, Brian feels inspired and flies off, leaving his boat behind for some reason.

How It Was: This is a pretty big character piece for the Beast and Mr. Sinister; Jean’s around but she doesn’t get as much characterization to work with. Beast is presented with all of his personality and humor intact, and it’s nice to see him get the spotlight since over in the main titles he hasn’t had a lot to do other than work on the Legacy Virus.

The real surprise of the issue is the attempt to turn Sinister into a sympathetic character. It’s a decent attempt, but it’s hard to empathize with a guy that locks a woman in a room, experiments and degrades her for weeks, sets her free, and calls it love. It works if you look at it as exploring Sinister’s inability to express love and emotion, but Faye’s admission of love really makes her look weak and pathetic; sure it could be written off as Stockholm Syndrome, but Faye would have come off as a stronger character if she stood up to her abuser instead. And it’s really difficult to believe that the Beast would put his hand on Sinister’s shoulder as a sign of understanding, given all of the ways that Sinister has manipulated and threatened his friends over the years.

The other anomaly to this story is the presence of Genesis, Cable’s son. The reasoning behind his attack is pretty faulty, and the story seems to present Sinister as more powerful than him, so I can’t understand why Sinister doesn’t just kill him at the end. The end is silly with Genesis essentially apologizing for wasting everyone’s time and teleporting away. Plus Genesis brings the Dark Riders with him, one of the worst super villain groups ever; so bad in fact that they disappear midway through the story so that the Beast can fight some generic, but visually interesting monsters instead.

The art is really the star here. Leon’s dark, almost scratchy style works incredibly well for the gothic interiors and horror movie tone of the flashbacks, while Dodson’s smooth, clean style works fantastic with the scenes of Jean and Beast having fun and the flashy super hero battles.

If you couldn’t tell from my synopsis of the back-up story, it’s terrible…truly terrible…possibly the worst thing that Scott Lobdell has ever written. It’s good that Lobdell is keeping up with his vow to play the couple completely straight and realistic, but this is a little too realistic in that it is as boring as listening to two people talk about their relationship in real life. Plus there are so many pointless moments that serve to slow that story down even more, like the cotton candy girl with a crush on Warren or the postmaster who loses Brian’s letter. Worst of all is probably the portrayal of Brian Braddock as an apathetic loser, who basically has lost the will to live until he reads a letter about the boring, mundane happenings of his sister and her relationship. It’s hard to see what he finds so invigorating about this story whatsoever. So, this leaves us with an average main story and a terribly below average back-up all in one.

C+

X-Force Annual #1

I know I reviewed the majority of Shattershot months ago, but I just got the final issue through the mail over Christmas break. Mile High Comics rocks! So for your reading enjoyment, I present this summary of the conclusion to that story.  For the previous parts click here.

X-Force Annual #1
Writing: Fabian Nicieza, Gavin Curtis, and Dan Slott
Art: Greg Capullo, Gavin Curtis, and Sandu Florea

What Went Down: Shattershot Part 4: Instead of getting an immediate resolution to Arize’s story, this issue takes us a couple of decades into the future. A group known as the Freeman Armed Network is engaged in combat with a group of spineless ones, members of the same race as Mojo. This battle turns out to be a gladiator style performance for an audience on Mojoworld. The spineless ones are killed, and we discover that the new ruler of Mojoworld is Shatterstar, a member of X-Force in the present. Shatterstar has been the master programmer for a decade, after overthrowing Mojo V, but he is frustrated that he has essentially replaced Mojo’s rule with an equally barbaric one, except this time the spineless ones are the persecuted race instead of the humans.

Outside Xavier’s mansion (in the future, mind you), Arize and two spineless ones named Milton and Shecky teleport in. They are looking to acquire X-Force’s help in overthrowing Shatterstar’s reign. Because the spineless ones were formerly enemies, X-Force attacks them, and we get introductions to the future members of X-Force. The team consists of Cannonball, Siryn, Sunspot, Cyberlock—a combination of the deceased characters Cypher and Warlock, Darkchylde—a grown up Illyana Rasputin, and Powerpax—a descendent of the siblings that make up Power Pack. The team beats on the rebels until they realize their ally Arize is one of them. At the Freeman Network, Shatterstar and his scheduler discuss the missing Arize.

Back at the mansion, using an interface with Cyberlock, Arize shows the history of Mojoworld up to this point. It turns out that the signal he was trying to broadcast in previous issues of Shattershot became distorted through time and space and served as a catalyst for driving his people insane. Later, the group traveled into the future to depose Mojo V and Shatterstar was put in place as the ruler of Mojoworld. The Spineless One rebels are now striving for true equality and democracy, something that interests X-Force very much.

In Mojoworld, the Scheduler plots to kill Shatterstar. Elsewhere, X-Force sneaks into the coliseum. As the battle commences, a mysterious helmeted stranger joins the rebel side and helps to defeat the Freemen. After winning the battle, the stranger reveals himself to be Arize. The Scheduler tries to have him arrested, but X-Force gets in the guards’ way, allowing Arize to speak to his people. As Shatterstar tries to speak reason to his people, the Scheduler pushes him off of the balcony. It’s okay though, because Shatterstar is fine, despite landing on his head.

X-Force fights the Freemen, with Shatterstar joining in the effort. The Scheduler injures Arize with an axe, but Shatterstar defeats her, and then spares her life. Arize gives a nice speech about tolerance and the entire crowd cheers. A hooded individual pulls down his hood and reveals himself to be an elderly Longshot, smiling because he is seeing the fulfillment of his dream after so long.

What Else Went Down: The Wiz Kid, Artie, and Leech are at a private school playing. Taki, the Wiz Kid, has used his amazing technical know how to make TIE Fighters and a lightsaber out of Legos. When the teacher, Mrs. Huntington comes in, Taki turns off the Legos, but the teacher notices the mess and scolds the mutants. Taki has a crush on his teacher, and dutifully brings her the Legos after cleaning them up.

Mrs. Huntington gives Taki a lecture on the responsibility of his powers, then her boyfriend Patrick shows up. Taki is insanely jealous. During the night, he discovers Patrick going through the school’s files and talking to someone on the phone about eliminating filthy mutants. Artie, Leech, and Taki follow Patrick in a hovercraft made from the Wiz Kid’s wheel chair.

The children discover an anti-mutant group and Leech falls out of the hovercraft. While the racists shoot bullets at them, Taki grabs the stolen files just in time for the police to show up. Patrick and his friends are arrested and Mrs. Huntington learns that she was being used. The next day Taki offers himself as a potential future boyfriend in a couple of years.

What Else Also Went Down: Cable assembles his team X-Force for a test of sorts. On the screen he displays the various villains that X-Force has fought and asks different members of the team who they are and how to best defeat them. If this sounds really similar to the list of villains story in the X-Men Annual, well it is.

Anyway, the villains mentioned include: Masque, Garrison Kane, Black Tom Cassidy and the Juggernaut, G.W. Bridge, Deadpool, The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, Sunspot and Gideon, Proteus, Stryfe, and the X-Men. The team gets mad at Cable for the inclusion of Sunspot and the X-Men and they all storm out. Domino asks Cable what he was thinking, and Cable insists that his dream and Xavier’s dream are different and that he is trying to win a war.

How It Was: Well…it’s definitely an ending that I didn’t expect. The conclusion of Shattershot goes for a curve ball, and instead of concluding the story, it jumps to an alternate future to show Shatterstar replacing Mojo. It’s a very odd way to resolve Arize’s story. I usually enjoy alternate future/dimension stories, but this one doesn’t use the concept to the fullest. The beauty of the alternate reality is that anything can happen, and in this issue not a lot of anything happens.

The set up itself is okay. Having Shatterstar become what he has always fought against, an oppressive ruler that reinforces prejudice, is interesting, but the writing doesn’t really support this idea. Shatterstar obviously questions the oppression of the spineless ones, so it doesn’t really make sense as to why he’s allowed it to go on for a decade. The X-Force team is pretty cool and has some neat surprises on the roster. It’s a treat for fans to see a grown Illyana, a member of Power Pack, and Doug Ramsey/Warlock on the team. Unfortunately none of the members get any real characterization, and really the members of the team act as guest stars here in their own book. Shatterstar and Arize take center stage and do all of the work, leaving X-Force to stand around, fight a little, and comment out loud on what is happening.

Arize does get to step up as a fighter (complete with what looks like a lightsaber) and it is good to see him actually doing something in his own story. Really he has become an Xavier like figure for the Mojoworld, but it still works as a continuation of the evolution he went through in the first three issues. As for the villains, the Scheduler is pretty one-dimensional and the Freemen Network hardly puts up a fight. What makes this story laughable is that the ruling army has been in power for a decade, and it takes X-Force and Arize about five minutes to overthrow them. It makes you wonder why Arize waited so long at all. So a pathetic threat and an underutilized team that had potential make this one to skip.

As for the back ups, I would love to know who at Marvel decided to put a Wiz Kid story in the back of an annual of X-Force, the supposedly more edgier X-team. These characters all used to appear in the old X-Factor, and they sure are cheesy; I’m talking like Silver Age cheesy. The idea that three kids could overthrow some kind of mutant hate group probably means that the members weren’t all that competent to begin with. This kind of kiddy story is almost embarrassing to read; it’s got that kind of awkward, saccharine sweet tone to it that nobody but really young kids and the hardest of hard core fans could like.

As for the last story, Dan Slott writes the exact same story that he wrote in X-Men Annual #1. Sure the execution is slightly, and I mean slightly different, but the story concept was never really that strong to begin with. It’s not even really a story, it's a load of exposition that reads more like a series of trading cards than a narrative. And the end is really awful, since it involves Cable insisting that his vision is a complete departure from Xavier’s, when in practice it is the exact thing. Also the artist draws an uber-exagerated Cable with shoulders that he could rest televisions on. It looks really, really stupid. So to sum it up, three awful stories make for one obscure issue that isn’t really worth it unless you are a huuuuuuge fan.

D

X-Men Annual #3

 This review probably should have been before the Phalanx Covenant, but I forgot about it until now.  Oh well.

X-Men Annual #3
Writing: Ian Edington and Jim Krueger
Art: Gene Ha and Steve Yeowell

What Went Down: So…many…pages. ACK!

We open on a scene of a woman named Benazir playing chess with Shinobi Shaw. Coincidentally, the floor of the room they’re playing in has the same pattern as the chessboard. Of course, any time you have villains playing chess, it’s meant to symbolize how cunning they are and how strategically intricate their plan is.

Storm is taking time for a recreational flight over the mansion. When she returns, she watches a news report on a civil war in a war-torn country, most probably located in Africa. Archangel delivers some roses to her, which we find out were sent by Shinobi Shaw; he wants Storm to meet with him. She cuts herself on the thorns and goes upstairs to get a bandage; along the way, she can’t help thinking about a young boy shown on the news. Storm also starts to act short with the others, starting with Jubilee.

Storm reappears in her old leather outfit; at least she hasn’t given herself a mohawk again. Everyone is quite surprised by the change of wardrobe, and Storm gets in an argument with Professor X over whether or not it is safe for her to go to the Hellfire Club. Storm accuses him of thinking of her as an obedient daughter and “storms” out. Get it? Outside, Gambit gives her a ride on his motorcycle to the Hellfire Club.

At the club, Shinobi pulls out all of the stops to impress Storm with dinner and champagne. In the indoor rose garden, he invites Storm to join the Hellfire Club, claiming that he has reformed and his ultimate goal is now to help the world rather than rule it. He brings up the point that the X-Men, for all their battles, have failed to significantly impact the world, causing Storm to flip out and turn her powers on him. Storm agrees to consider the proposal and leaves. Candra comes out of hiding afterwards, and Shinobi reveals that the roses and dinner were laced with a drug that messes with her brain chemistry. This explains her erratic behavior, new outfit, and hostility towards the X-Men.

Professor X worries a lot in his study and considers reading Storm’s mind, but he decides against it. Storm has a surreal dream with doctors cutting open her brain to take her powers because she has wasted them by just fighting super villains. The powers are going to the boy on the news. When she awakens, Storm freaks out, busts through the wall in her room, and files to the Hellfire Club. The X-Men are all awakened by this.

After arriving, Storm shares her dream with Shinobi. Rather than prey on her sympathies, the villain reveals that he’s been drugging her instead. Conveniently, the drugs also mellow her powers. He then introduces her to the all-new Hellfire Club. Benedict, who can affect people’s nervous systems, subdues her.

The X-Men are flying around trying to detect Storm. Shinobi is about to give her a super dose of the drug to eradicate her personality. Xavier is able to use his powers to restore Storm’s. Storm attacks the group, and Gambit and Bishop show up to back her up.

During the big climactic fight, we are introduced to the other members of the new Hellfire Club. There is Benazir, from earlier in the issue, who can give people tumors…no, seriously. There’s also Reeva Payge who can distort people’s senses. Storm corners Shaw and threatens to kill him, even if she dies with him. The end features Storm and Xavier having a tearful reconciliation.

What Else What Down: The backup stars Banshee. It starts with Banshee bursting into the modern day Interpol headquarters; in case you didn’t know, before he was an X-Man, Sean was an agent of Interpol. Banshee is angry that the Interpol head has intel about an important person. Elsewhere, an old man named Patrick Lipton is on his deathbed.

We then flashback to an early mission of Banshee’s where he was assigned to protect Lipton from Hydra because he is a genius scientist. Hydra invades the train that the two men are on, but they escape. Instead of running, Banshee decides to push the tree blocking the rails out of the way, which leads to him getting shot.

Back in the present, Banshee invades the castle Lipton is dying in, which also happens to be a Hydra base. After beating up all of the Hydra agents, we flashback to Lipton using a grenade on the enemy soldiers. Rather than let the reinforcements kill Banshee, Lipton is inspired by his sacrifice, so he decides to give himself up to save Cassidy. Banshee comforts the man, right before Lipton dies.

How It Was: This turns out to be a fabulously written issue, by a writer I’m fairly unfamiliar with, that deals with a number of characters that we will never see again. Where this issue excels is in its exploration of Storm’s character, her role in the X-Men, and her history in that role. Storm is forced to confront the purpose of the X-Men itself, both its goals and actual accomplishments. Much like other peacekeeping organizations, the fact that there is still suffering in the world casts doubt on the idea that there is any justice, and Storm’s struggling with this idea is very intriguing. We also get a return of the uninhibited wild Storm from Claremont’s 80s run, which I would normally groan at, but it is actually used pretty effectively as a symbol for Storm’s crisis of conscience and her struggle for meaning and identity. Shinobi Shaw also gets an opportunity to come off as a worthy successor to his father’s legacy as a master manipulator for the first time ever, until he abruptly foils his own plot by explaining it to the person he is trying to manipulate. The script does a great job of placing real life conflicts and issues into the story, and reflecting on the helplessness that can result through the context of the heroes. Oh, and Storm’s nightmare sequence is very well done.

The issue does have its faults which revolve around Shaw’s actual goal and his new Hellfire Club. Really, Edington is tying his story to a premise that Fabian Nicieza started with Shaw asking Archangel and Psylocke to join the Hellfire Club in X-Men #29, but even that really never made all that much sense. It’s hard to tell if Shaw was serious with these invitations, which would make him an idiot, or if he had a grander scheme, which never got revealed. As far as I can remember, this is Shinobi’s last appearance in the X-Men books, and he floats around the Marvel Universe for a while before getting killed by his father Sebastian Shaw, who was supposed to have been killed by Shinobi himself.

The other real problem with this story is that the new Hellfire Club is really lame. There is a guy who attacks nervous systems and a girl who can give you tumors; I’ll give credit to the writer for trying to create some new powers, but these are dumb. This is the only appearance of Shinobi’s new club, to the best of my knowledge, so you don’t have to bother remembering any of them, unless you are into obscure X-Villain trivia. Also, Candra shows up for no apparent reason at all in the middle of the story, and then she just disappears.

Gene Ha’s art is superb—there is no better way of putting it. Some of the colors do come off as a bit muddy, but it works with the tone of this story. It’s not quite as amazing as his work on The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix, but it still works surprisingly well given the difference in tone of the settings of both stories.

As for the backup, once again it is nothing to write home about. Jim Krueger, who would later go on to write a number of things for Marvel—including the Earth X series, tries really hard to stick this story into Banshee’s past in order to give it a sense of meaning to Banshee and his development. Ultimately it fails because nobody really cares about the scientist; there isn’t enough room to make him that sympathetic. And other than that, it’s a bunch of panels of Banshee beating up generic Hydra agents. Still, the main story is actually fairly compelling and worth checking out, despite the mediocre villains.

B+

Uncanny X-Men Annual #18

Uncanny X-Men Annual #18
Writing: Glenn Herdling and Jeph Loeb
Art: Ian Churchill and Tim Sale

What Went Down: Another annual, whoopee—64 more pages to describe. This exciting issue starts out with some young boys gathered around a campfire. While passing around a skin mag, one of the boys is made fun of for reading what appears to be a New Mutants comic book. Anyways, the boys are then surprised by a hooded creature that turns out to be Caliban, the Morlock and former Horseman of the Apocalypse. The boys run away frightened, and Caliban steals all of their junk food. He needs all of this food because it turns out that he has kidnapped Jubilee and chained her up in the sewer. His plan is to get the X-Men to send Sabretooth down so that Caliban can kill him and take revenge for the Morlock Massacre.

Back at the mansion, the X-Men have discovered Caliban’s ransom note asking for Sabretooth in exchange for Jubilee. Stevie Hunter is there to feel sorry for not being around to stop him, as if it would have mattered or she was still relevant to the X-books. Xavier decides to ask Sabretooth for his assistance, but the villain refuses unless Jean Grey will give him the “glow.”

Back in the sewer, Jubilee tricks Caliban into unchaining her, and she escapes. Because it is dark and there are monster alligators in the sewers, Caliban catches up to and recaptures her. Over with the X-Men, Kitty Pryde has showed up in a special guest appearance from the pages of Excalibur because she has the closest relationship with Caliban. She’s still a little bitter about betraying Colossus’ confidence during the Fatal Attractions storyline, and she seems very sensitive about this plan as well. Jean gives Sabretooth the glow with her powers, but she doesn’t stop and overwhelms him with it. Kitty and Sabretooth, in his restraints, are then sent off to find Caliban.

Caliban re-restrains Jubilee and goes off to “save” Kitty from Sabretooth. Sabretooth starts off his partnership with Kitty by attacking her, but Kitty holds her own. We also learn that one of the panels on her costumes turns out to carry nunchucks, which she uses to beat the tar out of Creed. After threatening to solidify her arm in his brain, Sabretooth agrees to play ball.

Caliban manages to shut the gates and flood the area where the heroes are. Kitty refuses to save just herself, and instead saves Creed as well. But in a radical twist, they are both attacked by a giant sewer squid. No, really. Caliban shows up to save Kitty from the squid, and Jubilee tries to convince Sabretooth to save them all, which he does.

After Sabretooth kills the squid, Kitty uses her powers to free Jubilee from her restraints; Sabretooth takes the opportunity to exploit Pryde’s powers and get himself free as well. Once free he attacks Caliban, but Jubilee and Kitty manage to get the restraints back on. Caliban refuses to accept help from the X-Men, and the narration at the end describes his state as the passing of the Horseman and the birth of the Hound, whatever that means.

What Else Went Down: Bishop is in the middle of an adventure with his former XSE partners Malcolm and Randall. They are um… escaping from somewhere while getting shot at from the air by… someone. Malcolm falls off a platform, but Bishop manages to pull him up. Malcolm thanks him, and then we find out that the whole story was a Danger Room sequence. As Bishop  leaves the Danger Room, Jubilee asks him if he wants to go rollerblading. Bishop refuses at first, but then reconsiders after her disappointed reaction. He asks if they can go walking instead, and Jubilee seems very happy.

How It Was: Another year’s worth of stories, another giant annual. The real question is why this story is in Uncanny when it stars one character from Excalibur, and two characters that normally appear in the other X-Men book. Oh well.

Looking at the story, it’s very average…kind of mehhh. There are some good moments; I like the animosity and tension between Kitty and Sabretooth, and Jubilee gets some really good humor in. I’ve never heard of Glenn Herdling, but he does write a really cool Kitty Pryde—with nunchucks. It’s awesome to see that Kitty has progressed from a scared new girl like Jubilee to a badass who can hand Sabretooth his behind with total confidence.

Unfortunately other than the fighting between Creed and Pryde, the only other action in this issue involves the X-Men fighting a giant squid, which is very silly. There are some okay scenes in the beginning with Sabretooth, but they only really establish that Creed is a jerk, which we already know. Caliban is one-dimensional and while his motivation is understandable, his execution leaves a little to be desired as far as being an interesting or fearsome villain. And this may be a nitpick, but I still can’t understand why Stevie Hunter is still appearing in these books. I have no idea what purpose or relevance she has to the team at this point, since she was originally Kitty Pryde’s dancing instructor when Kitty was a child. There’s certainly an opportunity to make her relevant, but her and Kitty never interact with each other at all.

Churchill’s art is really dark and edgy, which is appropriate since most of it takes place in a sewer; plus it’s a Sabretooth story. Churchill shows up years later as the regular artist in the 2000s, so this is a pretty good precursor to that brief run.

As for the back up strip, there is not really anything to it at all. We never even see whom the XSE are supposed to be fighting during their mission, and we really don’t get anything from their interactions that we didn’t get from their first appearance in Uncanny. There’s nothing really substantial at all; if you hadn’t figured out that Bishop was trying to get over his feelings about the future and adjust to the present, then you really haven’t been paying attention. The only thing notable about this story is that its creative team is the same one behind the very successful Batman: The Long Halloween and Batman: Dark Victory stories, and they worked together on the show Heroes.

Really, this is a forgettable one-off story that, while consistent, isn’t really anything to write home about. There are some cool moments for Kitty Pryde fans though. The back up story isn’t even worth mentioning again, it’s so inconsequential.

C

X-Men Annual #2

X-Men Annual #2
Writing: Fabian Nicieza and Scott Lobdell
Art: Aron Wiensenfeld and Ian Churchill

What Went Down: On an island fortress, two shadowy figures arise from the water. Despite the cliché 90s battle armor appearance, these two characters are in fact the Crimson Commando and Avalanche, formerly of the Freedom Force. These two are still working for the US government after the rest of the team was captured in the Middle East during a back-up strip in all the 1991 X-Annuals. Anyways, the two run into the new Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, consisting of Toad, Phantazia, and former Freedom Force members Pyro and the Blob. Both groups are about to fight until they are interrupted by a man in a robe with dragons on it.

At Xavier’s school, Professor X, Beast, Banshee, and Moira are tracking new cases of the Legacy Virus. Beast is still giving Charles crap for not involving him in the initial case with Illyana Rasputin, and everyone is very serious about how serious the Legacy Virus is. In the Danger Room, Revanche is facing off against Jubilee, Gambit, and Rogue. She takes Jubilee out easily, causing the young girl to question when she is going to get better at fighting. Rogue then tackles Revanche, ending the session.

Up in the control booth, Cyclops, Psylocke, and Jean are discussing whether Jean should enter Betsy’s mind to confirm her identity and mental state, even though she absolutely refused to in X-Men #21. Betsy is more willing now because she feels guilty about almost breaking up Scott and Jean, blaming it on different aspects of the two personalities in her surfacing. Inside Psylocke’s head, we see a depiction of Betsy killing her brother Brian when they were children, demonstrating the savage influence of Kwannon’s mind on Betsy Braddock. Jean comes to the conclusion that the two personalities are now fused permanently.

Back on the island, called Empyrean, former friends Pyro and Avalanche are discussing what has happened since they last saw each other. After being captured, Blob and Pyro were forced to work as bodyguards for the commander that defeated them until the Toad got them out. Inside, the rest of the Brotherhood observes the pair. The man in the robe chastises the Blob for an inappropriate outburst and uses his power to keep him in line. Unbeknownst to the group, they are also being observed by Henry Peter Gyrich, who is searching for two missing scientists that allegedly now work for the mystery man named Jonathan Chambers.

In one of those wacky coincidences that only happen in comics, the X-Men’s Blue Team just happens to have also taken an interest in Jonathan Chambers. Chambers is a scientist and author of a book calling for unity between humans and mutants, and the X-Men want to investigate the sincerity of his claims. There are some doubts about Chambers since his father died at thirty-eight, but looking twice his age, and he has been seen with the Brotherhood on his island. One half of the team meets Chambers at his front door, while the other half sneaks in through the basement.

The sneaking squad includes Psylocke and Revanche, who argue the entire time until they discover the Brotherhood. Meanwhile Beast and the rest of his team have a polite discussion with Chambers. There is a big fight between the X-Men and the Brotherhood until Chambers stops both teams with his powers.

Time for some revelations. First Pyro reveals that he is suffering from the Legacy Virus. Then Beast explains that Chambers, or Empyrean, is an “energy vampire” as he absorbs ambient energies around Legacy sufferers like Pyro; however, this process also relieves the pain that the ailing patients feel, and allows him to conduct experiments to possibly find a cure. It also shortens the victims’ lives. As for the scientists, they have joined Empyrean freely. Finally, Revanche reveals that she is infected with the Legacy Virus as well. She encourages Cyclops to leave Empyrean alone since it is up to every infected person to choose his or her own path.

Gyrich shows up because he believes that illegal activities might be occurring, but Cyclops tells him that there is no evidence of anything illegal. Chambers threatens to expose Gyrich to the media if he does not leave. Then the X-Men leave the island peacefully.


What Else Went Down: The Beast starts this back-up strip falling down an elevator shaft that he has been thrown into. After stopping his fall and sabotaging an elevator full of security guards to protect them, Beast goes back up to save his girlfriend Trish Tilby and a scientist named Dr. Cahill. Trish has sprained her ankle and it appears that a giant muscle-bound creature named Malvin is assaulting her and the scientist. The Beast fights Malvin until he explains that Dr. Cahill is responsible for turning him into a monster. During the fight, Trish goes through the Doctor’s files and discovers proof of this.

The Beast, Malvin, and Dr. Cahill are all flung out the window. Beast holds each character in one of his hands before pulling them both up. Trish is surprised until Beast explains that he can bench three thousand pounds. The security guards burst in, automatically assuming that the Beast and Malvin are the villains, but Cahill admits his guilt. The story ends with one of those clichéd narrations about one person being a man in the body of a beast and the other being a beast in the body of a man.

How It Was: Another sixty-four pages of story; man I’m getting worn out from all of these double-sized comics. Once again, this year features another annual written by the regular writer, so actual plot points are addressed and furthered in this issue. We’re still focusing on the Legacy Virus, and at this point it still seems like the book is going somewhere with the plot. Overall it’s a pretty good issue, with the main problem being that the Chambers plotline never appears in these books ever again. There is an interesting conflict about the potential exploitation of mutants by Chambers, as well as tension created by the fact that we never learn if his intentions are sincere or not, and unfortunately we never get a resolution for any of these points. The concept of exploitation by a character of unknown sincerity is revisited soon in X-Men with Threnody and Mr. Sinister, so it is possible that Nicieza just didn’t feel like returning to the same theme.

Another dropped idea is this incarnation of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, which I always thought had some potential, minus the horrible straight out of the ‘90s armor revamped costumes. Between the ‘91 annuals and this issue, it at least seemed like the Toad had some kind of agenda going, but this particular team disappears after this issue. At least we get some closure from the previous Freedom Force story.

As for the X-Men, well their arc in this issue makes for more of a mixed bag. Once again we have an annual begin with a Danger Room sequence since the writer needs an unnecessary action sequence to take up a few pages. The fight scenes are all pretty good, if brief; it’s the first time the X-Men have fought a decent super-villain team in a long time. As for the major revelations of Legacy infected, they definitely felt significant at the time. Revanche feels more monumentous because if you’re like me, you’re excited that her storyline is about to end. Pyro’s struggle with the disease gets strung out for a great many years; the poor guy is on death’s door in every future appearance, until he finally dies in 2001. This issue is, once again, a nice opening issue to a story that never resonated. Could have been better if it went anywhere interesting.

The back-up strip is just terrible. Out of ten pages, the story takes five of them to show Beast escaping from an elevator shaft. The depiction of Malvin is ridiculous with so many muscles awkwardly sticking out everywhere. Plus Trish Tilby comes off as a knockoff Lois Lane, and the resolution centers on all of the characters underestimating the central character.

B

Uncanny X-Men Annual #17

Uncanny X-Men Annual #17
Writer: Scott Lobdell
Art: Jason Pearson and Tom Grummet

What Went Down: We begin in a small Latin American village where former X-Factor villain Tower, from the “terrifying” Axis of Evil, is getting ready to molest a local waitress. However, he is prevented from victimizing the woman by new character the X-Cutioner (no relation to the X-Cutioner’s Song), who promptly kills him. He announces to the villagers that his shtick is to kill evil mutants that deserve killing—a Punisher for mutants if you will.

Suddenly the reader is thrust into an alternate world where Jean Grey is shopping for lingerie to impress her husband Scott while her son Nate browses the X-Men action figures. They are both attacked by a group of three Nimrod Sentinels who, like their namesake, act in a bumbling and stupid fashion. Fortunately they are saved by XSE members Bishop and his sister Shard. After the fight, the X-Men, led by Iceman—now called Icemaster, show up to bask in a group of fans. Bishop accuses Icemaster of turning the X-Men into a mockery, and Bobby responds by explaining how much better being adored by the public is than being feared. Jean’s husband Scott and their daughter Rachel show up, and the family decides to go see the X-Men movie while a shadowy figure with a cigarette smiles in the background.

After a transition, we find out that Jean, Iceman, and Bishop are unconscious in a hospital room with X-villain Mastermind. The rest of the Gold Team are debating what to do; Storm suggests that they need to rewatch the security tape of their arrival for clues, which really just serves to set up this story. Basically Jean received a letter from the very ill Mastermind asking her to visit him on Muir Island. The rest of the Gold Team tags along, despite Iceman’s insistence that it’s a trap. Jean, Iceman, and Bishop go in, and Mastermind takes over their minds with his illusion powers, hence the alternate world. Now the big problem is that Mastermind is dying, and if he dies then the three X-Men will also.

Back in the illusion world, Jean and Scott are having a romantic time together when a phoenix raptor attacks them. Their children Nate and Rachel, dressed as adorable versions of Phoenix and Cable, proceed to accuse the X-Men of being lousy parents to them and kill Scott. Jean destroys the illusion children and has a vision of Mastermind. Bishop meets up with Jean, and she remembers who she really is.

Back in the real world, the X-Cutioner is caught on camera before taking them out. Storm sends Colossus and Archangel to deal with him. Through internal monologue, we learn that the X-Cutioner is named Carl and he used to work for the FBI under Fred Duncan, an X-Men supporting character from the 60s. Duncan apparently spent his time stockpiling weapons of former X-Men villains, which comprise the entire arsenal of the X-Cutioner. Colossus knocks the villain off of a cliff by accident, but Archangel saves him, getting taken down in the process.

Meanwhile in the dream world, Iceman’s X-Men have turned on him, and Jean and Bishop are fighting to save him. Jean discovers the letter that brought them to Muir Island; after she reads it, the world fades to white.

Colossus fights with the X-Cutioner, but is taken down. Storm shows up to continue the fight. X-Cutioner surrounds himself with a force bubble, but Storm overwhelms it with lightning.

Mastermind reveals that he wanted to apologize for always fighting the X-Men, and that deep down he has always hated himself. His intention was to show the X-Men an ideal world, but because he is sick with the Legacy Virus he was unable to control it. As Mastermind starts to die, Jean sends Iceman and Bishop back to the physical world. Mastermind admits that Jean is the only woman he ever loved and apologizes for controlling her during the Dark Phoenix storyline. With the last of his strength, he hurls Jean back into the physical world so she won’t die with him.

Archangel goes on a tirade about how it is odd that Storm is so calm about killing a person, to which Storm replies that X-Cutioner had to have teleported since the lightning was focused around him, not focused on him. They contemplate the fate of the villain before Archangel discovers that Colossus has been seriously wounded by the alien weaponry.

What Else Went Down: This story takes place before Uncanny X-Men #299. Upstart member Trevor Fitzroy is shown sucking the life force out of an innocent bystander. He and his assistant Bantam need the energy to find a person that Fitzroy is looking for. Fitzroy uses the energy to revive Bantam, who is unconscious from reasons unknown. Together they travel to a police shootout in New Mexico where police have pinned down a mutant named Siena Blaze and her unnamed partner. Fitzroy sucks the energy out of the partner and uses it to open a portal for a train from the future to come out and kill the cops. On the train Siena Blaze sees herself from the future being hauled away to a prisoner work camp in the future. Fitzroy asks her to join the Upstarts and explains the rules about killing mutants for points. When asked how he knew where to find her, Fitzroy responds that in the future she told him.

How It Was: Well here we have our first victim of the Legacy Virus, before the virus even had a name. Sure Tower also dies, but nobody cares about that. Mastermind’s death turns out to make for a really, really great story. The idea of having X-Men trapped in his world of illusion is par for the course for a Mastermind story, but the added twist that he is dying adds a little originality to it. Plus the world is really wonderfully realized and Lobdell has a lot of fun with it. Whether it’s the Nimrods accidentally killing bystanders or all of the X-Men repeatedly telling Iceman how great he is, there are a lot of laugh out loud moments in this story, yet it still manages to have a serious side and stay true to the characters. Each member has to come to terms with a part of his or her past or present, whether it is Bishop’s guilt over the death of his sister, Jean’s guilt over not being a good parent to Cable and Phoenix, or Iceman’s guilt over not fulfilling his fullest potential as a mutant and super hero. It’s as faithful as it is entertaining, which is a good combination.

The X-Cutioner also makes for an interesting villain, at least initially; nothing great has really been done with the villain since, and as it stands he is one of those villains that just gets brushed off for a one or two issue arc every once in a while. The vigilante against mutants act is nothing new, but it does work to set him up against the no killing X-Men, and I still feel that there is an interesting origin story to tell. Plus, if you’re a huge X-Men fan then the throwback weapons from obscure villains are a nice touch. This thread is a little less successful since it involves Colossus still complaining about not being with his sister, and Archangel is rather whiny as well in this story. Lobdell also does a fantastic job of setting up Mastermind as a sympathetic character even though he has been torturing the X-Men since they were teenagers. Pearson’s art is rather cartoony, but the X-Men are all drawn proportional and there aren’t any profound liberties taken, other than that Archangel kind of resembles a skinny girl a little. And if child Cable and Rachel Summers don’t bring a smile to your face, then how can you call yourself an X-fan?

In contrast, the backup story is a complete failure on a number of levels, most having nothing to do with the creative team. Siena Blaze is presented as a person terrified of her powers and their consequences, which completely contradicts her behavior in X-Men Unlimited #1. Also, Fitzroy’s motivations are never explained whatsoever; he invites this girl to join the Upstarts, even though that means his chances for winning are now lessened. He mentions that he met her in the future, but the nature of their relationship is never revealed. The major problem with this story, as with all other Upstarts stories, is that the entire plotline is about to disappear from the X-Men books after the next arc in Uncanny X-Men #301-302 without anything getting resolved. Normally I’d deduct points because of a story this unnecessary and unfulfilling, but the primary story is so good that it is easy to overlook any story telling mistakes that might occur in the last section.

A

X-Factor Annual #7

X-Factor Annual #7
Writing: Fabian Nicieza and Peter David
Art: Joe Quesada, Derrick Roberson, and Joe Madurieira

Update: Click Here for Part 4 of Shattershot.

What Went Down: The first six pages are dedicated to Mojo angrily recapping the story thus far and taking out his anger on his second in command, Major Domo. Note that the art is backwards, depicting the events of Uncanny when describing the X-Men issue and vice versa. It appears that even though the Death Sponsors failed in their task last issue, everyone assumed it was Mojo, so he has continued to lose favor with the people. He decides to contact Spiral and have her deal with Arize.

Since X-Factor doesn’t have a Danger Room, they don’t start the issue in the middle of a training session. Instead, we are given an overwrought scene where the team is preparing lunch, and none of the characters can open a jar of mayonnaise, including Strong Guy, who should have super strength, shouldn’t he? Anyway, the whole scene devolves into the team making a mess, and it’s all meant to be very funny, but it isn’t really. Val Cooper pops in to tell the team that they have a mission: they are going to hunt down Spiral because she has been spotted making trouble. Val feels responsible because Spiral was a member of Freedom Force, a government sponsored group of villains that Cooper was in charge of prior to the nationalization of X-Factor.

In case you were wondering what Arize was up to, he has been working out a plan to broadcast all of Earth’s television to the inhabitants of Mojoworld as an alternative to Mojo’s rule. At the same time, Spiral is threatening a group of villagers in order to discover Arize’s location. By the time X-Factor arrives, Spiral has set fire to the whole town.

Spiral teleports to Arize’s cabin and cuts the connection he was using. The whole time she blames him for some unspeakable evil. She attacks Arize, but Val interrupts and tries to talk Spiral down; she ends up shooting at Spiral. The rest of X-Factor joins the fight. After injuring Polaris, Havok flips out and blasts Spiral with a heck of an energy blast. Spiral is then given the chance to explain herself, so she tells her origin.

Spiral was once an Earth stuntwoman named Ricochet Rita. She fell in love with Longshot, followed him to his world, and learned that Longshot was known as the Fallen Messiah—meaning he was destined to perpetually fail over and over again. Mojo had Arize turn her into Spiral (in Arize’s future, but Spiral’s past), and then had her travel through time to push her past self towards Longshot, perpetuating the cycle, and driving Spiral insane. Arize expresses remorse and offers to help her finally put an end to Mojo’s rule. The future savior of that dimension is said to be Shatterstar, so Spiral and Arize travel to the future of Mojoworld together. X-Factor wonders if they should do anything, but decide that there is nothing they can do. Havok feels sorry that his former teammate is destined to always fail at his goal, but Val thinks that everybody can learn from his or her mistakes.

What Else Went Down: Val Cooper is overrun with paperwork, but she decides to put it off until the next day because she has tickets to a Salute to Motown concert. However she decides to stay and do her work after Multiple Man calls Val and impersonates President Bush. Val reluctantly gives the tickets to him and Wolfsbane and goes through all of the papers. After she finishes, a dragon made of papers attacks her. It chases her all over the office until she manages to get it into a paper shredder. Unfortunately, after she shreds it, the shreddings make up another monster that attacks her.

Jamie wakes up Val and tells her that he feels guilty about tricking her, revealing that Val was dreaming about the paper monsters. Val rewards his honesty by chasing him with scissors and a letter opener.

What Else Also Went Down: A young boy named Cal, who is obviously modeled after Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, is being bullied at school. He decides to go to Strong Guy’s house and hire him to be his bodyguard. After telling him his story, Cal convinces Guido to go intimidate the bullies for him. After giving the kids a good scare, Guido leaves.

A couple of weeks later, Strong Guy decides to check in on Cal, but he is shocked to discover that Cal is now the bully, threatening to sick Guido on anybody that doesn’t listen to him. Guido shakes him down and tells Cal that he doesn’t want to ever see him bullying again.

How It Was: Well… it’s something. I’ll start with the good. Joe Quesada’s art is very good; all of the panels have a nice sense of motion and action, so it’s a solid effort from Marvel’s future editor-in-chief. Also, the origin of Spiral is surprisingly gripping. At first it seems that she’s just out for revenge because Arize helped turn her into a freak of nature, but the fact that she is forced to relive her own downfall over and over again is actually a really interesting take on a character that controls time and space.

Now for the bad. As I stated before, the first two opening sequences are absolutely pointless and contribute very little to the overall story. But the major fault of this story is the boring fight that takes up most of the issue. I know before I complained about villains being one dimensional, and Spiral definitely isn’t. The main problem is that Spiral is outnumbered by six, and the fight is completely one sided. There’s just not a lot she can do against characters like Strong Guy, Quicksilver, and Havok. Furthermore, Arize’s plan to free people of Mojo’s signal seemed pretty dumb since Earth TV is just as monotonous and insubstantial as anything that Mojo could show.

Unlike the other issues, the back-up strips are actually better than the main story. Peter David’s humor is always what made X-Factor work, whether it’s with Madrox impersonating George Bush or Cal’s great line at the end of his story, David has a lot of fun with these quick, silly tales. They are by no means his greatest work, but they are a lot better to read than any part of Shattershot or any of the other mini stories thus far.

C-

Uncanny X-Men Annual #16

Uncanny X-Men Annual #16
Writing: Fabian Nicieza, Chris Cooper, and Skip Dietz
Art: Jae Lee and Herb Trimpe

What Went Down: We are introduced to the Death Sponsors in their one and only appearance, as far as I know. They are a group fighting for a pirate channel that is seeking to usurp viewers from Mojo’s channel, thus placing them in charge because in that world whoever has the highest ratings controls the world. The team consists of Sweepzweak, Deadair, Lead-In, Cancellator, and Timeslot. Are you laughing yet? Their shadowy boss is Mojo II, and he sends them to Earth to complete one of three tasks in order to gain higher ratings; either find Spiral, Arize, or Longshot. Since Arize is the focus of the crossover, he is their target for this issue.

Cut to the mansion where—surprise, surprise—the Gold Team is in the Danger Room running a simulation; this one involves rescuing innocents from a burning building. Can you tell Nicieza was having trouble filling up pages? At any rate, Colossus is stuck holding up the building while Storm, Iceman, and Archangel are looking for people. This leaves new recruit Bishop to be blindsided by Apocalypse. Rather than allow Colossus to decide between saving him and holding up the building, Bishop brandishes a gun and threatens to kill himself rather than be used as a bargaining chip. Professor X ends the session, and everyone comments on how unpredictable Bishop is.

Meanwhile Jean is sifting through Arize’s memories, trying to help him remember who he is. Essentially he is responsible for creating any humanoids that are in Mojoworld, and he feels bad that they are all slaves. He also created Longshot, and gave him self-determination. Arize worries that he is responsible for many deaths even though he can’t remember how; the Professor and Jean console him.

For some reason, the Death Sponsors appear in Japan. Shortly after that, they detect Arize and teleport to the mansion. What’s the point? Why to fill up three pages.

Back at the mansion, Bishop questions the Professor about why they are bothering with Arize. The answer is basically: because that’s what heroes do, although Jean makes a weak attempt to frame Arize as a mutant in his world because he is different and an outcast. The alarm goes off and the Gold Team fights the Death Sponsors. The X-Men hold their own until one of the Sponsors activates a power disruptor that turns off all of their powers. Bishop draws his rifle while one of the Death Sponsor’s restores Arize’s memory. As they teleport away with Arize, Bishop shoots the teleporter, which causes them to teleport without Arize because they are all mind linked, for some reason. Bishop even throws in a groan inducing “Hasta la vista, baby.”

After regaining his memory, Arize decides to leave the X-Men to try to help save his world from Mojo. The rest of the Gold Team comment on Bishop and his unpredictability again; they wonder whether or not they can trust him.

What Else Went Down: Archangel is fighting Mandroids at a laboratory of some kind. While rescuing a scientist, he gets shot. As he lays dying, a blue woman named Amalgam appears and talks about how this is the second time she has met Warren.

A flashback occurs to the Morlock tunnels during the Morlock Massacre, after Angel was stabbed in the wings. She offers Warren the chance to give her his powers and memories so that his death will not be in vain. Then she turns into Cyclops and Beast to try to convince him. Warren finally agrees, but as she absorbs his powers, she uses Destiny’s powers to see that he is needed in the future.

Warren then wakes up as Archangel in the present in the infirmary of the mansion. All of the X-Men comment on how happy they are that he survived.

What Else Went Down: Bishop is outside brooding, and Storm decides to make an attempt to get him to open up. Basically Bishop is homesick and feels guilty about letting his companions Malcolm and Randall die. He also brings up a tree that survived in his time as the only remaining marker of the school. The original class of X-Men allegedly planted it, but in the present it doesn’t exist. Storm leaves Bishop to his brooding, and he falls asleep outside. When he wakes up, it is raining and Storm has planted a tree in the spot, giving Bishop hope for the future.

How It Was: A minor, oh so minor improvement over the first part of Shattershot. On the one hand, the Death Sponsors are a lot cooler looking and more imposing than Mojo’s assorted henchmen from the first part. But unfortunately they are stuck with the gimmicky names and barely half a personality to share between the entire group. But the fight is far more entertaining then the previous one, and Nicieza manages to get some tension going towards the end, although he has to have a contrived power neutralizer to get the rest of the team out of the way. And Bishop gets a legitimately cool and redeeming moment, and then ruins it by quoting the Terminator.

But the same problems also crop up in this issue. Once again Nicieza starts with an unnecessary Danger Room sequence for lack of a better idea. Once again there are scenes with the villains that add nothing to the story, such as having them appear in Japan, realize they are in the wrong spot, and leave Japan. And there is Arize, whose origin is given a little more detail, but most of it was easily pieced together from the hints last issue. Plus, if you’ll remember my X-Cutioner’s Song reviews, Jae Lee’s art continues to not impress me. Although I will go as far as to say that the Death Sponsors' designs really benefit from his style, and the fight scenes and dream scenes he draws are pretty dynamic. However, the scenes where everybody is talking just look odd when matched up with the art. Probably the best chapter of Shattershot, but that isn’t saying a lot.

As for the back up stories, neither one really affects the overall narrative of the X-Men or makes a huge impression. The Archangel/Amalgam story is just weird and feels like a part of a bigger story that never got started. Also, if her thing is to take dead people’s powers and memories, why does she use Cyclops and Beast as examples? If she can travel throughout time, why doesn’t she go to Warren’s actual final death? It just doesn’t feel like it was that thought out. As for the Bishop story, it’s kind of mushy and doesn’t really matter at all. Both back up stories are pretty bad for this chapter.

C