New Year, New Beginning: Some Slight Changes to Illegitimate Children of the Atom

If you’re a regular reader, first off thank you, and second off you’ll notice that my posts have not been coming as frequently as usual.  I am very sorry for the long hiatus; part of this was due to being busy with life, but I’ve also been putting a lot of thought into my writing here and the idea of criticism in general.

I worry that criticism has become synonymous with “hating and  disliking” to the point that I often read reviews of things and wonder if whoever wrote the pieces even likes movies or video games or whatever is being reviewed to begin with.  Many focus on the dozen things they don’t like, while ignoring everything that does work.

Being an introspective and sensitive guy, I’m concerned I might come off as self-entitled and jaded—taking for granted the bounty of entertainment available to me because it doesn’t fit within a narrow category that I’ve deemed acceptable.  At the end of the day I want people to like comics, and more importantly I want to like them.  All the issues I’ve read had some merit, and I like to think that even though I am quite fond of the X-Men, I hope I can still be fair, logical, and somewhat objective.  And so I sit here typing, pondering if the majority of reviews and criticisms today are spoiled people holding modern creations to unobtainable standards or if they actually push artists and creators to be better and more relevant.  Does this current climate automatically lead to toxic cynicism and negativity for the sake of negativity, or does it in fact hold creators and audiences to a higher standard of quality?  And where on the spectrum does my writing fall?

I can’t change my opinions, and really I don’t think that my reviews up to this point have been that mean-spirited, but I can change the way I rate issues.  Letter grades are so open to interpretation, and often carry negative associations, so I decided to try creating a more accurate way of measuring the quality of an issue.  I want to create a system that better reflects my enthusiasm and appreciation as a fan, and hopefully makes the issues more accessible.  I’m not claiming I’m the first one to come up with a system like this; this is just what I came up with.  So, without further ado, my new rating system.

Everyone Should Read: When I was an undergrad in college, I always had between one and seven roommates, and I went to the comic store every Wednesday.  Although none of my roommates read comics habitually as I did, all were open to the medium as they were fans of the various comic book based-movies and cartoons that have come out.  The only problem was they didn’t know where to start.  And as comic fans, we should all realize that it is our duty to pick out books that not only we like, but that we can share with non-fans to keep our hobby alive.  Long story short, I actually got some of them to subscribe to a few titles at my local comic store thanks to  the likes of Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men, Brian K. Vaughn’s Runaways, and Bendis’s New Avengers because of their quality and universal appeal.  Looking back on my reviews, the one’s I’ve rated highest are, for the most part, the ones I’d most likely share to grow appreciation for comics.
 

For X-Men Fans: There are a lot of comics out there, each with their own audience and appeal.  The X-books are no different in that respect.  In my mind, being an X-Men fan doesn’t mean having read every issue—it means having an appreciation for the characters and the universe, and being able to put up with some flaws as long as it leads to some great character moments.  Or being able to put up with some lousy character moments for some amazing events.  It means that you’re willing to overlook some minor problems for the big picture, as long as it leads to something true to the themes and characters of the X-Men.  And this label is for books you might appreciate that others might scoff at.

Completionists Only:  I place myself firmly in this category.  Even if you don’t own every X-book out there… if you own a couple hundred issues, you’re probably in this category.  If you’ve ever found a story dreadful, but continued to buy it every month, whether for the little moments you might enjoy, or because you just needed to know how it ended, this is the category for you.  These are books that may not be the favorites, or may’ve been ill-conceived, but still fit into the texture of the X-Men one way or the other.

So there you have it, my new rating system.  Was it necessary?  I have no idea, but I figure it’s something new.  Plus I like how instead of qualifying a book as good or bad, it instead breaks down the appeal the book might have to different audiences.  Some might argue that this is just a different looking good to bad scale, and they’d probably be right, but I promise my intentions are pure.  So happy reading.

X-Men #55

X-Men #55
Writing: Mark Waid
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: We open on an average citizen of New York waking up and opening his curtain to reveal a Sentinel staring right at him. It seems that Onslaught has found a way to reprogram the Sentinels to attack New York City, as opposed to just hunting mutants. The combined forces of the X-Men, Fantastic Four, and Avengers observe the chaos on a rooftop. Through conversation the characters fill each other in on the fact that Franklin Richards has been abducted, and Magneto has been discovered de-aged and with amnesia. Rogue tries to comfort Joseph, who feels guilty about causing Onslaught, while Gambit wonders if she can trust Joseph. The heroes split up with some of them going off to fight Sentinels while all the genius characters retreat to come up with some weaponry to fight against Onslaught.

In what I think is the Astral Plane, Onslaught is taunting young Franklin with Charlie—the illusion he used to capture the boy. Onslaught wants to use Franklin’s powers to alter reality in some way. Over the ocean, a group of X-Men are returning from Muir Island after having gotten the Xavier Protocols from Moira MacTaggert. The Xavier Protocols are instructions Xavier created that outline the weaknesses of all the X-Men, including Xavier himself. At Four Freedoms Plaza, the science team is examining the armor Mr. Fantastic’s father used to protect himself from Franklin’s powers. On the airplane Cyclops uncovers plans for psionic armor.

Throughout Manhattan we get panels of heroes beating the tar out of Sentinels. Rogue and Joseph are working together when Gambit destroys a Sentinel that was sneaking up on Joseph. Gambit blames Joseph for Onslaught, and the three argue until Iceman defeats another Sentinel behind them. Iceman points towards Central Park, where a huge citadel appears out of thin air, an effect of Franklin’s powers. Onslaught appears at the top with a monologue about the ascension of mutantkind.

The heroes move in to attack, but Onslaught lets out a giant EMP wave that knocks out all of the electricity in the city. It also causes a huge shockwave and takes out some of the heroes like Vision and Iron Man. Another unfortunate side effect is that it shorts out the Xavier Protocols, and causes the plane Cyclops and the rest are in to plummet out of the sky. Joseph raises some debris off the heroes, and everyone stands around looking defeated. The story ends with a page of Ozymandias carving a new sculpture of Onslaught that shows him evolving.

How It Was: This actually isn’t too bad when taken on its own. Waid has a lot of characters to deal with and does a good job of keeping them all from sounding the same. With Rogue’s return to the X-titles, he wastes no time establishing the Gambit/Rogue/Joseph triangle and handles it really well. The script balances the tension and hopelessness of the heroes, while Andy Kubert draws some awesome pictures of heroes beating up Sentinels. Kubert even manages to make the heroes standing around look awesome; I love how he draws the Human Torch, long shots of the city look awesome, and he totally sells the drama of the EMP blast sequence.

Characterization and art aside, this issue still suffers from the same problems all the other ones do. Many events that seem significant end up not mattering by the end of the story. Both the psionic armor and the armor for Franklin’s power wind up being almost inconsequential, although other issues do deal with it. Do you want to know why Onslaught needs Franklin? So do I; I guess he gives the villain an excuse to be able to just do anything, but it’s not very satisfying and it doesn’t feel like it’s building towards anything. He talks about the ascension of mutants, but it’s hard to see how having an army of Sentinels attack Manhattan helps to make mutants more free. But I do love the Sentinels as villains. Also, I love how the story just skips the inevitable plane crash of Cyclops and the others; I guess it’s just assumed they’ll make it because we never see what actually happens.

This is pretty much the best an issue in the Onslaught crossover can get at the end of “Phase 1”. The character work is solid and the art is fantastic. From this point on, with the start of Phase 2, there are only three kinds of Onslaught issues. 1. Random heroes fight Sentinels or random followers of Onslaught for an issue. 2. Random heroes rescue civilians for an issue. 3. Random heroes have an inconsequential fight with Onslaught that doesn’t affect the resolution one bit. It’s definitely not as clear of a direction as Uncanny #335 left us with, and quite frankly it starts to get old after a month of every Marvel book taking place in Onslaught ravaged Manhattan with absolutely no real story progress until the end. Yes characters show up and change, things do happen, but none of it matters until the Marvel Universe one-shot at the end. Still, Waid and Kubert were able get some weight and drama out of this disorganized mess, so that counts for a lot.

B

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #2

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #2
Writing: John Ostrander
Art: Bryan Hitch and Sal Vellute

What Went Down: At Reverend Connover’s ministry, the police are questioning William as well as recapping readers on the events of last issue. Connover in turn delivers some exposition regarding the original issues where he met the X-Men in Uncanny #242-244. After walking away from the cops, he worries (or should I say “broods,” hee hee) over his wife some more.

Back in the desert, Hannah is still trying to convince the X-Men to kill her to prevent other people from getting hurt. Wolverine is game, but the rest of the X-Men refuse, so Hannah orders her Brood servants to attack. Jean tells them that Hannah told the aliens not to kill anyone, so they know this is meant to be a distraction.

After the Brood retreat, the X-Men split up to find her. Each of the pairs restates their views on the conflict: Bishop explains that in the future some Brood are good, Jean tries to convince Wolverine that any trace of humanity is worth saving, Beast ponders over the scientific potential of Hannah, Iceman and Wolverine think it might be worth listening to Hannah, and Cannonball thinks this might be a genuine miracle.

Hannah’s Brood catch-up with her just as a new squad of Brood elite does as well. Hannah’s Brood are all killed off. Wolverine and Jean find her just in time, followed by the rest of the X-Men. There’s another big fight. Iceman tries to save some of the “good” Brood with his powers, while Cannonball flies Hannah away from the fight. The Brood Elite give chase while the X-Men take the time to debate their plan some more. Wolverine is still gung ho on killing her, but the rest of the X-Men don’t want to take the easy path.

The Brood decide to kidnap Hannah’s husband to use as bait. Hannah senses her husband’s distress, turns into a Brood herself, and knocks Cannonball unconscious. Jean senses Cannonball pass out, and the X-Men set out to find Hannah. In a cave, William comes face-to-face with his wife in alien-form. Surprisingly, he isn’t repulsed and sticks by his oath to love his wife no matter what she is. Hannah tries to fight off the Firstborn Brood, but she is injured. As they are about to be killed, William and Hannah are saved by the X-Men.

Jean comes up with a plan, with the help of Beast and Iceman, to cryogenically freeze Hannah so she won’t have to die, but the Brood will think she’s dead. While the rest of the X-Men hold off the Brood, Iceman pulls it off, and the remaining Brood kill themselves because they think their job is done.

In the epilogue, the X-Men explain that Hannah has to stay frozen until she can be cured somehow. Beast suggests sending her to Muir Isle. At his ministry, Connover gives a sermon about tolerance, love, and hope. An effigy of Jesus appears on the crucifix in the last panel with the X-logo and ‘The End,’ making it look like Jesus is one of the X-Men.

How It Was: Well after the huge moral conflict set up last issue, the X-Men manage to cheat their way out of either choice with a last minute plot twist. To my knowledge there isn’t a story where Hannah is cured, although it could have occurred in Excalibur somewhere. For all I know, Hannah is still sitting around in a drawer at SHIELD or something, waiting to be thawed out.

As for the issue, the first half of it is basically a retread of everything from the last issue. We get the first issue recapped, all the X-Men drive into the ground the reasons they want to save or kill Hannah, Hannah keeps thinking about how guilty she is, her servants sacrifice themselves for her again, and the X-Men fight some more Brood. All of this redundancy really could have been avoided if the story had been contained to one issue, or two regular sized issues. After thirty or so pages, we get it: Wolverine thinks she should die, so we can move on now.

The second half of the issue works a lot better. Hannah’s husband is kidnapped, so there’s some investment in whether he’s going to survive or even accept her. Hannah is wounded to build some tension. And the final fight does have some cool moments to it, especially Iceman pushing a huge ice stalagmite through a Brood as he tries to get to Hannah. Ostrander even manages to get some emotional mileage out of the end when Jean telepathically tells William that he can’t let Hannah know what is going on, or the Brood will read her mind. The final battle works really well; it’s unfortunate that Hannah’s fate is never resolved.

Hitch had some problems finishing this issue up, so Vellute is sent in—a name I am wholly unfamiliar with. Even the panels that are clearly Hitch seem a little more rushed than last issue; he has some problems with people’s noses, especially Wolverine’s. This story is nice and straightforward, but I can’t get past the feeling that over half of this issue is unnecessary as far as advancing the plot goes.

C-

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #1

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #1
Writing: John Ostrander
Art: Bryan Hitch

What Went Down: In a long-winded prologue accompanied by some gorgeous art, a member of the alien race the Brood explains their back story: that they are all part of a hive mind that needs to lay eggs in other species for reproduction. This prologue seems to be part of a shared nightmare between Jean Grey and a woman named Hannah Connover. Jean wakes up, and we find out that she and Scott are on vacation in Arizona with Jean’s family. Jean telepathically contacts the Professor, and Xavier in turn summons the rest of the X-Men. Xavier explains that they are going to be fighting the Brood, and then the X-Men leave to meet Cyclops and Phoenix.

At a ministry in Arizona, Reverend William Connover and his wife Hannah are having an argument over Hannah’s nightmares and secrets. In a dropped subplot from way, way back in Uncanny X-Men #232-234, Hannah went with a mysterious woman to try to cure her arthritic hands. This issue picks up on that eight-year-old thread by revealing that the woman was a Brood that impregnated Hannah with a Brood Queen. Hannah was healed, and she has been miraculously “curing” some of her husband’s followers by turning them into Brood as well. While looking at a crucifix, she has a change of heart, and somehow she was able to overcome the Brood influence to her mind. She feels very guilty about all of this, but she can’t tell her husband.

At the Grand Canyon the Brood that turned Hannah, named Josey, meets with some pods full of elite Firstborn Brood, sent directly from the Brood Empress. Their mission is to eliminate Hannah because she has gained freewill, as well as all Brood she has created and Josey for producing the anomalous Brood Queen.

Cyclops and Jean show up at the Crusade, and Scott worries that they are going to upset one of the few religious leaders that is accepting of mutants. Jean detects the Brood in Hannah, but also the fact that Hannah is still in control. Meanwhile, Hannah is going into town with two parishioners that do not know that they have been infected by Hannah. The Brood are waiting for her, and attack. Hannah’s followers try to defend her by turning into Brood, but they are killed. Meanwhile, other people that Hannah has infected are summoned by a mental distress call.

Cyclops and Phoenix show up to protect Hannah. There’s a big fight, and right when they’re about to be overwhelmed, the rest of the X-Men show up. An even bigger fight proceeds, and eventually the X-Men manage to kill all of the aliens with an exploding gas truck.

Later, the X-Men have to decide what to do to Hannah. Wolverine wants to kill her and be done with it, but Beast wants to study her to find out how she can avoid the Brood’s control. Bishop mentions that in the future there are several factions of Brood, some even friendly; Hannah is potentially the cause of these benign factions. Hannah asks the X-Men to kill her because she is constantly in contact with the Brood, and they won’t stop sending soldiers to kill her until she’s dead.

How It Was: *Gasp* Two double-sized mini-series issues (with no ads), followed by a double-sized anniversary issue—I don’t know how much more of this I can take. This particular mini wasn’t actually published until after the Onslaught event was under way, but it has to take place at this point because Beast hasn’t been replaced by Dark Beast, Iceman doesn’t have a hole in his gut, and Wolverine hasn’t been turned into a monkey-dog creature yet.

This is yet another odd story that started life as someone remembering a dropped subplot that everyone else had forgotten about, including most readers. Realistically, its only purpose is to offer a straightforward X-Men story as an alternative for readers who didn’t really care for the bogged down, continuity tangle that was the Onslaught crossover.

As far as the story goes, it’s not too bad. Instead of the smaller stories that Lobdell and Waid had been doing that focused on only two or three X-Men at a time, Ostrander presents an epic that requires the combined forces of most of the regular team. It had actually been a while since we’d seen this, minus the Onslaught stories. And the story actually delivers on the action as the X-Men enjoy a good fourteen or fifteen page fight with the eponymous aliens. Nice and straightforward.

The central conflict is also pretty compelling in that the X-Men have to decide between the practical, quick solution vs. the more ethical, but seemingly impossible choice of protecting Hannah from an endless wave of aliens. All of the parties make solid cases, and I like how Bishop’s knowledge of the future is used in the decision-making; I never understood why the X-Men didn’t use him more in this manner.

The issue’s main weakness is that there isn’t really enough story to fill ninety-six pages with no ads at all. The prologue is a huge never ending dump of exposition, although the pictures of the Brood in space and conquering other species are gorgeous. Hannah and William are one-dimensional characters that constantly reiterate the same beats every time they are on panel: Hannah feels guilty about infecting people and lying to her husband, William feels frustrated that his wife won’t tell her what is bothering her. This is all these two characters talk or think about in every scene they’re in, and in forty-eight pages they are in a lot of scenes.

There’s also plenty of page filler as the book takes its time introducing each individual X-Man, or repeating the exposition about the Brood for “the sake of the X-Men who haven’t faced them.” Heck, Hannah’s flashback takes up four pages when it easily could have been contained to one.

Hitch’s art is really the highlight of the issue. All of the X-Men look awesome, although some of the close-ups of Wolverine look a little rough. But the action is solidly paced and the elite Brood warriors look really cool. I’m not a fan of the designs for Hannah’s Brood followers, but most of them get killed instantly so there’s not a lot to worry about.

This is a pretty good story that probably could have worked better in just forty-eight pages, or maybe something around sixty pages. When it works, it works really well, but there is a lot here that is completely ancillary to the plot. As a result, this issue often feels more like a cash-grab then a classic X-Men story.

B-

X-Men Annual #1

X-Men Annual # 1
Writer: Fabian Nicieza and Dan Slott
Art: Way Too Many to List and Karl Altstaetter

Sorry it has been so long, real life and all that. Let's try this again. It’s a retroactive review since I didn’t have these issues at the time. I’ll be putting them in the appropriate order later down the line. The Shattershot story takes place before Uncanny #289 because Forge is still around, but after X-Men #9 because Bishop is around and an established member of the team. Also, each issue is 64 pages long, so these are gonna be some loooong posts.

What Went Down: This story takes place before the Mojo story in X-Men #10-11.
The story starts off in Mojoworld where a rebellion of bipeds has formed to fight Mojo’s tyranny. Most of them get slaughtered and the rebel leader Quark, a goat man with an eye patch…seriously, gets captured for brainwashing. Also getting captured is Arize, the star of this crossover, but he manages to teleport to earth. Mojo mentions that without the time dancer Spiral, Arize will surely be driven insane.

In the Danger Room, Psylocke and Beast are competing with Gambit and Rogue to reach a button. Psylocke wins, and is rewarded by having Wolverine try to gut her. Cyclops explains that the mission isn’t over until everyone gets home. Fortunately Professor X interrupts the rest of his lecture.

Forge and the Professor explain that Cerebro has picked up a non-human signature in Afghanistan. So the blue team goes off to investigate.

Mojo and his lackey Major Domo discuss plans to retrieve Arize. After once again establishing that Spiral is necessary to teleport people between dimensions, Mojo decides to televise the hunt, as if the reader couldn’t have called that twist from a million miles away.

As the X-Men approach the Afghani camp, they are attacked by the militants there. Because this is the 90’s, and pre-9/11, the X-Men actually take a sympathetic stance towards the rebels; if you know your world history of the time, Afghanistan had helped fight the Soviets and were actually able to keep a Soviet dictatorship out of their country, due to the U.S. backing them with weapons and supplies, but afterwards it left a power vacuum where the rightful government and infrastructure of the country should be. Regardless, the X-Men beat up the soldiers until Beast explains their true purpose to the leader of the camp; apparently the Beast speaks fluent Pushti.

Arize is discovered under the care of the Afghani people with no memory of who he is or where he came from. At the same time, Mojo’s soldiers arrive on Earth, notably without Spiral. Semi-important characters include the brainwashed Quark, who we met at the beginning of the issue, and the father/son team of Gog and Magog, who believe it or not do appear in later X-Men stories. Psylocke scans Arize’s mind and discovers some vague hints about the rebellion and a fallen messiah who is not named, but is obviously Longshot. Suddenly she senses another presence, which happens to be the bad guys.

The X-Men fight off the bad guys. During the battle, the bad guys express the fact that they have no choice but to obey Mojo, otherwise their lives and families would be forfeit; the X-Men are completely unsympathetic and explain that everybody has free choice. The bad guys mention Longshot before escaping through a portal—please note that once again, they are without Spiral. Cyclops prevents Wolverine and Rogue from following, even though Longshot was their friend and teammate back in the late 80s.

Back in Mojoworld, we learn that the ratings for the battle with the X-Men were huge, but they were detrimental to Mojo because they made him appear incompetent. A mysterious individual oversees Mojo on a monitor. This shadowed character turns out to be Mojo II from X-Men #10-11.

What Else Went Down: In the back up story, Jubilee decides to prove herself by programming all of the X-Men’s greatest enemies into the Danger Room. Wolverine stops her, and then as a quick educational experience, goes through the top ten X-Men villains. In order from ten to one they are: Mojo, the Reavers, Sentinels, the Brood, the Upstarts, Omega Red, Apocalypse, Mr. Sinister, Magneto, and the number one enemy is…hatred and intolerance. Nitpicks of note: Wolverine is wearing his brown costume even though this story has to take place after the introduction of Omega Red, where he started wearing his yellow outfit again. Also, most of the Upstarts are completely wrong except for Fitzroy and Cortez, but Cortez is supposed to be a secret at this point.

How It Was: Shattershot is a pretty weak story all together. It deals a lot with Mojoworld, which has never been too central to the X-Men, and it deals with a lot of really awful villains, except for Spiral. While there are some attempts to expand on the origin of Longshot, you can pretty much guess that Arize is his creator from the start.

This issue starts the mediocrity off. A lot of space is padded with exposition, such as the discussion about the necessity of having Spiral, even though she never shows up in this issue. And the Danger Room sequence at the beginning could also be labeled as completely unnecessary. Plus Arize isn’t really interesting at all; he’s mainly a plot device to be passed from X-team to X-team to continue the story. His arc consists of going from amnesiac to guilt ridden, tortured genius to crusader working towards redemption. It’s not bad; it’s just that none of it is particularly compelling or stands out in any way; the bad guys in this issue don’t help as you’re never convinced that they have a chance of defeating the X-Men.

I will admit that considering the number of artists on this issue (seven pencilers and six inkers) it doesn’t really look too bad. Also, there is a really funny speech from Beast when he tries to describe the differences between all of the X-groups. But all told this issue, and the story in general, is for completists only, and you can easily ignore it and not miss out on too much, unless you’re a huge Longshot or Mojo fan for some reason.

As for the back up strip, it isn’t anything to write home about. It is early Dan Slott, who recently finished up a really great arc on Mighty Avengers, so there is that. But outside of that, it isn’t even really a story, and the ending is so cheesy your eyes just might roll so hard as to get stuck.

D+

Post Frequency

Me thinks that saying I would post once or twice a week was a little over ambitious.  So it looks like it will probably be closer to bi-weekly posts or possibly every three weeks.  Sorry, it's hard to find the time.  So if you've discovered this page and are wondering when the next post is coming, all I can say is soon.  Thanks for the patience.

X-Men #4

Real quick: this arc begins before the Upstarts story in Uncanny #281-283 and runs concurrently through it starting with the next issue, so I will be reviewing this story first. Also, Chris Claremont is out, so Jim Lee is doing the art and the plotting while John Byrne is responsible for the script. This leads to some discrepancies later.

X-Men #4
Writers: Jim Lee and John Byrne
Art: Jim Lee

What Went Down: The book opens with a weird cult ritual/medical experiment that ends in the deaths of a lot of Russians. The result is the birth of Omega Red. This is Omega’s first appearance and he is probably one of the most successful villains created in the 90s as far as not fading into obscurity by being absolutely horrible. Matsuo Tsuryaba greets him and offers him revenge on Wolverine.

The X-Men are playing basketball at the mansion; traditionally they would’ve been playing baseball, but starting with this issue basketball becomes the standby for a couple of years. Rogue accuses Gambit of cheating because they’re not using powers and his powers include, “natural agility.” This results in a fight.

Elsewhere at the mansion, Moira is having nightmares about her son, Proteus, and Magneto as a result of the previous issues. Oddly, Dr. MacTaggert is asleep during the middle of the day. At any rate, Professor X, Banshee, and Cyclops burst into her room because Xavier sensed her psychic distress, even though he wasn’t trying. Honest. Everyone once again reassures Moira that what happened in the last story arc wasn’t her fault, although Xavier has to help Banshee with his mental powers because Sean’s jaw is still broken from last issue.

Moira appears to be calming down until Rogue bursts in through the wall after being hit by an energy-charged basketball courtesy of Gambit. Moira runs off hysterically. Strangely, neither Cyclops nor Professor X are angry with the other X-Men for destroying a room in the mansion or traumatizing Moira.

In Berlin, Matsuo is shown meeting C-list villains Andrea and Andreas von Strucker, collectively known as Fenris; they are the children of Captain America villain and nazi scientist Baron von Strucker. The meeting is about Fenris’ desire to use Omega Red and their money to obtain immortality somehow.

Gambit once again tries to kiss Rogue and is rewarded by getting socked; he is still convinced Rogue’s power won’t hurt him. Sean is still trying to comfort Moira, but it is not going so well. She eventually decides to leave the mansion because… well, she just insists that she can’t stay.

Gambit and Rogue get ready to go on their first date, but Beast, Wolverine, and Jubilee decide that they are going with the couple to make sure Gambit behaves. Gambit tries to lose his chaperons, but all the X-Men are soon attacked and captured by the Hand and Omega Red. I don't know why, but the ninjas of the Hand are now wearing sunglasses and trench coats, and Wolverine is back in his old yellow and blue uniform. Moira’s taxi passes by, but she is too distraught to look out the window and notice her friends being hauled off.

How It Was: Well, for the first time in three decades Chris Claremont is completely unattached to a single X-Men project. Jim Lee had been credited as co-plotter for the previous arc and his first crack at solo plotter is pretty solid. Despite coming off as a mostly stereotypical evil communist Russian, Omega Red has managed to become a fairly popular villain since his first appearance; it’s hard to tell whether this is due to his eerie, corpse-like design, or the fact that his origin is tied to Wolverine’s. Visually, he has a lot going for him, although his “death factor” is a very contrived attempt to provide an evil equivalent to Wolverine’s healing factor. Having heroes get sick and fall over around him is kind of a lame way for them to get defeated, and later writers would usually ignore this power and have Red suck the life out of them with his tentacles.

The scenes with the X-Men playing ball are really solid. Jubilee provides some humorous moments; Gambit and Rogue demonstrate their dysfunctional/flirtatious relationship; and Wolverine gets to act grouchy and potentially violent. Unfortunately, the scenes with everyone else attempting to calm down Moira are a pretty painful attempt to get her out of the mansion on the part of the creators. The whole time she just cries and overreacts to everything Banshee and Xavier tell her. Plus, Moira justified why she wasn’t responsible for Magneto’s return to evil in the last issue, so the whole point should be moot. It’s even more difficult to get excited about this plot line because it will be completely dropped and forgotten in a couple of months when Moira returns to help treat the Legacy Virus. The scenes with Matsuo and Fenris are okay, but these ultimately lead nowhere also, as Fenris disappears after this arc.

The art is great. All of the X-Men look great in their sports and evening wear, the end battle with ninjas is dutifully flashy and action packed, and the opening sequences with Omega Red are suitably disturbing. And even though the poses during the basketball game are a little exaggerated, they still give off a nice sense of speed and movement. A great issue held back by plots that will go nowhere and a perplexing direction for Moira.

B+

X-Men #3

X-Men #3
Writer: Chris Claremont
Artist: Jim Lee

What Went Down: The X-Men’s Gold Team, plus Forge and Banshee, sneak aboard Asteroid M with the help of a transparent X-plane and the powers of Storm and Jean Grey. Fury and Dr. Val Cooper are still at the UN, trying to convince the Russian ambassador not to fire the giant laser at Magneto’s base. Magneto is busy taking his aggression out on Moira MacTaggert. Afterwards Cortez uses his power to recharge Magneto, and Moira notices that Magneto is growing more and more dependent on this.

Elsewhere, the X-Men and the Acolytes are bonding by the Asteroid M swimming pool; apparently before they defected, the X-Men remembered to pack their bathing suits. Gambit begins flirting with Rogue—he is convinced  that her touch won’t hurt him. We find out later that this assumption is wrong. Anyway, this starts the couple’s decades long roller coaster romance.

The Gold Team rescues the Professor, but the Blue Team and the Acolytes ambush them. Of particular note, Gambit shows off his skill with his staff by breaking Banshee’s jaw and deflecting Forge’s bullets back at him. Or are they lasers? In any case, Beast and Rogue snap out of the mind control first, followed by the rest of their teammates. Magneto shows up to turn the tide again; however, this time his powers give out in the middle of the fight, due to his dependency on Cortez’s powers. Wolverine frees Moira in time for her to give a load of clunky exposition about how the mind control doesn’t work because every time a mutant uses his powers, his mind comes closer to returning to its “natural state.” Also, she explains Cortez’s deceit to Magneto just as the traitor is ejecting in an escape pod.

Cortez uses a remote to fire the Russian laser at Asteroid M; he is a member of the Upstarts, but we won’t learn this for a while. Magneto uses his powers to disable the nukes he had acquired and keep his base together long enough for the X-Men to escape; the rest of the Acolytes choose to stay with him. Everyone reassures Moira that it wasn’t her fault, and the X-Men fly home from yet another adventure. Thus ends Chris Claremont’s fifteen year run on the X-Men, but he’ll be back in about a decade.

How It Was: The first half of the book is a little slow, with tons of dialogue weighing it down. The Gold Team has to recap everything up to this point in the story and explain their elaborate infiltration method, which involves Wonder Woman’s jet. Also, Magneto’s rant at Moira pretty much reiterates everything he said in the previous issue about his feelings towards her, but it does offer up another scene of foreshadowing Cortez’s sudden and inevitable betrayal. At least Magneto has the decency to seal Moira’s mouth shut with the metal suit she is wearing so that she stops moaning and crying about her guilt. Also, there’s an art/continuity mistake where Cortez is with Magneto one moment, and then down at the pool with the X-Men at “roughly that moment elsewhere,” (the comic’s choice of words, not mine).

The weakest aspect is probably Moira’s explanations near the end, which are drawn out and kind of silly. She claims that mutants have such “indomitable wills” because of the way their minds structure themselves around their powers. This runs contradictory to the fact that the X-Men get brainwashed on a pretty consistent basis in certain stories, and this idea has never been brought up again.

On the brighter side, the humble beginning of Rogue and Gambit’s relationship is nice and subtle, and the fight between the X-Men is flashy, if brief. On the positive end, Cyclops gets a nice jab at Jean about her flirtation with Wolverine before blasting her away. On the down side, I’m not sure Gambit should be able to deflect bullets with a stick. Dodge, yes; deflect, no.

But the true shining gem of this issue is once again the portrayal of Magneto. This issue really hits the nail on the head as far as his philosophy, his fears, and the effects his long, tragic history has had on him. While long, the monologue by Magneto reads like a last testament for the character, even though we all knew at the time that he would eventually return like he always does. I especially enjoy the part where he basically tells Xavier to capitalize on the time without his foe, and that he wishes the Professor’s dream could succeed, but he just cannot risk the consequences if it does not. It is the speech of a person who desires to be an idealist, but has just seen too much to have any hope. Great writing, and one of the best monologues by a super villain, adds up to a pretty solid end to Claremont’s career.

B+

Wow, my first story arc read and reviewed. It seems like only yesterday that I started this blog instead of a week ago. Anyway, tune in next week for X-men #4-7, followed by Uncanny X-Men #281-283.

X-Men #2

X-Men #2
Writer: Chris Claremont
Artist: Jim Lee

What Went Down: This issue starts off with Magneto telling the X-Men to back off and allow him to deal with his Acolytes personally. You can probably guess how that goes. Psylocke learns the hard way that she shouldn’t attack people up close when Fabian Cortez hands her a beat down; this is pretty impressive since Betsy is a trained ninja. We also learn Cortez’s power, which is to amplify a mutant’s power, and he uses it to give the telepathic Psylocke a really big headache.

While all this is occurring, Nick Fury and Val Cooper are meeting at the U.N. with a bunch of world leaders, debating whether to take preemptive measures against Magneto. A Genoshan soldier calls them and tells them to get off their duffs and do something.

An angry mob of humans attacks Psylocke, but the Beast saves her. If you continue to read this blog, you will note that the X-Men have a very long tradition of being attacked by angry mobs of people—probably more so than any other super hero team. Wolverine and Cyclops manage to get captured by Magneto off panel, and when the rest of the team tries to save them, the Acolyte Chrome freezes them in metal. Later Cortez tells Magneto that an anomaly was found in his DNA.

Over at the mansion, Xavier follows the hysterical Moira MacTaggert to the boathouse, outside of the secure facility. As Charles attempts to comfort her, Magneto shows up and lifts the boathouse into space. He then forces Moira to explain how she tried to cure an instability in his nervous system, that may be the reason he is evil, during the period of time he was transformed into a child by Alpha in Defenders #16. Magneto sees it for what it was, manipulation of his free will, and demands Moira use the procedure on the X-Men or he will kill them all.

On to Russia, where Matsuo Tsurayaba (owner of the worst name in super villain history) and a group of Russian Soldiers are taking advantage of the power outage over Russia to steal a coffin. This is foreshadowing for the next arc.

The Blue Team tells Professor X that they are joining Magneto of their own free will (even though they’re not).

And finally, the Gold Team is back at the Mansion running simulations in the Danger Room and trying to figure out how they are going to defeat the Blue Team, the Acolytes, and Magneto all at the same time. Nick Fury calls to tell them that Russia has enacted the Magneto Protocols, which consist of firing a nuclear laser into space and using it to shoot down Asteroid M.

How It Was: Well, the art is still wonderful, but there is less to praise this time around; parts of it feel very rushed and uneven. The fight at the beginning particularly suffers when, out of the blue, Cyclops and Wolverine are already restrained by Magneto. Then, when the others go to save them, one of the Acolytes abruptly ends the battle with his powers. Uhmm… why didn’t he just do that last issue? Also, there is now a second unknown female Acolyte appearing in the background of Asteroid M. Plus there is a strange sequence where a helicopter attacks Magneto, and he just uses his powers on the rockets it shoots at him—despite the fact that at the same time he announces that the weapons are made of plastics, so that he can’t use his powers on them.

I’m of two minds about the Magneto mind control plot. On the one hand, it is nice to see the heroes making questionable decisions, and it gives Magneto’s perspective about not being able to trust people more validity. And while Magneto is right to feel taken advantage of as a child, you can still see Moira’s justification in trying to prevent the boy from becoming a crazy murderer when he grows up.

On the other hand, we’re dealing with plot lines from the seventies; well over a decade and a half prior to this issue being written. It’s hard to imagine fans being familiar with that material at the time, let alone if they were to read these stories today. And it does feel like another attempt to undercut Magneto’s heroic deeds. Furthermore, the issue ends with mind controlled X-Men, which is a reoccurring theme in Claremont penned books; the previous story arc in Uncanny dealt with the Shadow King who had taken control of certain members of the team to fight the rest. Still, the art is fantastic, the cover is fantastic, and Magneto is still being written particularly well by Claremont for this story.

B-

Additional Random Note: Just take a look at that cover price. One Dollar… it is hard to believe I ever lived in such a glorious time.

X-Men #1

Welcome back, True Believers, to my very first summary/review/rant of the X. Remember, it’s 1991, and there are now two monthly X-Men titles running concurrently: Uncanny X-Men, which had been running for thirty years, and plain, old adjectiveless X-Men, which began with this issue. Normally Uncanny highlighted the exploits of Storm’s Gold Team, while X-Men featured Cyclops’ Blue Team, but after a year or two, everyone pretty much blended together. Anyway, please enjoy.

X-Men #1
Writer: Chris Claremont and Jim Lee
Art: Jim Lee and Scott Williams

What Went Down: This was a double sized issue, so this is gonna be a long description. It is the dawn of a new age for the X-Men, where it’s out with the old and in with the older as the original X-Men rejoin the team. But our story actually begins in space where a group of SHIELD agents (the ones in the green space suits) are pursuing a band of mutant fugitives (the ones in the yellow space suits) who have hijacked a space ship. Magneto interrupts, destroying all the ships, and taking everyone aboard his base, Asteroid M. The mutant fugitives convince Magneto to come out of retirement because his people need him. Meanwhile, officials in Russia are panicking because Magneto’s base is orbiting right above their country, and they are about to execute something called The Magneto Protocols (more on this next issue). This in turn concerns President George Bush and Nick Fury, who are worried that a war between Magneto and Russia might escalate. There is only one hope for the safety of the world.

Over at the newly rebuilt X-mansion, the X-Men are testing their base’s defenses… except later it turns out that everything took place in the confines of the holographic Danger Room, which is basically the equivalent of the Holodeck on Star Trek (Feel. So. Nerdy). Wolverine wins the exercise, waves his claws really close to Xavier, and gets in a fight with Cyclops over it, thus reestablishing that they really don’t like each other.

Nick Fury calls the X-Men and explains the conflict of the story to them. Everyone is conflicted because Magneto used to be an ally, but was also their greatest enemy. The team is split up and the Blue Squad is sent to intercept Magneto, who is stealing nuclear missiles from the Lenningrad, a Russian submarine he sank back in Uncanny #149.

The Blue Team attacks; Magneto is surprised by how aggressively his former teammates are fighting him. He flees, but not before detonating one of the missiles which destroys a bunch of Russian fighter planes, knocks out power in Russia, and knocks Rogue all of the way to Genosha, an island off the coast of Africa.

Upon returning to Asteroid M, Magneto expresses his frustration at fighting his former allies. Fabian Cortez, one of the mutants he saved earlier, uses his powers to heal Magneto, and then takes the rest of his group, now called the Acolytes, to Genosha to find Rogue… for some reason, probably revenge.

The Acolytes attack and kill Genoshan soldiers, and capture Rogue, until the rest of the Blue Team arrives and another fight ensues. Wolverine recognizes Cortez’s smell, but never brings it up again. Psylocke remarks about how strange it is that she chooses to fight up close rather than just using her telepathy to take out enemies. The fight is interrupted by Magneto, who acknowledges that his Acolytes were wrong to attack Genosha, but refuses to leave them to be persecuted by the local government. The issue ends with Moira MacTaggert throwing a hysterical fit and blaming herself for the entire conflict.

How It Was: A very good start to what would become Marvel’s number one franchise. Jim Lee’s pencils are quite enjoyable to look at, and the story is very fast paced and has some nice one-liners to add some levity. The nice thing is that even though a lot of things were getting swept under the rug in a hurry, such as Magneto’s turn as a hero, Claremont still takes the time to acknowledge the characters’ uneasiness about it. The great thing about Claremont’s Magneto is that he is not necessarily wrong in this instance. He just wants to procure the nukes as a means of deterring other world powers from threatening him. The X-Men on the other hand just want to prevent an international incident, but why is it wrong for Russia to feel threatened by him when Magneto already feels threatened by Russia? Also, all of the fight scenes are very bright and exciting. There is an especially good sequence where Magneto gets knocked inside the submarine, comes face to face with the remains of all the men he killed, and is overcome with guilt and memories of his own childhood in a concentration camp. Even though this is a hitting of the reset button for him, this is still a really great issue for Magneto.

On the negative side, a few details stick out. All of the Acolytes, other than Cortez, are really, really boring—so much so that they all die after this arc. There’s Delegado, who can grow, Chrome, who can turn people into other substances and fly, and… uh, some girl, who can… err… well she uses a gun. They’re all one-dimensional zealots, none of whom really stand out. On top of that, there is the needlessly complicated defection of SHIELD agent Harry Delgado to the ranks of the Acolytes. Wolverine brings up the fact that he’s not sure whether it is the same Delgado or just a mutant with the same name or he’s being brainwashed, but then it is never brought up again. And speaking of confusing, the opening team exercise doesn’t make a whole lot of sense; it appears that the X-Men are assaulting the mansion to “capture” Jean and the Professor, but if they are actually in the Danger Room, then what are the walls and sewers connected to, and how do they actually get to the control room?

And now a few minor character nitpicks. Some of the dialogue stands out as particularly dreadful, such as Wolverine exclaiming out loud, “We’re s’posed t’be working t’gether, as a team! But what the heck… man wants to play lonewolf, he can take the consequences.” Also, Psylocke acts like a complete moron by not taking advantage of her powers, and even realizes it herself. Being generous, this can be written off as an effect of her body transfer, although that story hadn’t been worked out yet. And Moira’s nervous breakdown borders on sexist caricature when she won’t stop crying despite every character explaining to her why she isn’t to blame. Women can be so emotional, I guess, but this portrayal is really at odds with the strong, brilliant, machine gun toting lassie that we’ve all grown to know and love. Oh, and it’s kind of weird that Professor X never really deals with the recrippling of his legs. Think about it, how many characters can say they’ve been crippled twice? Actually today it’s more like three times, with a fourth possibly on the way. In spite of all of this, it’s still a solid effort. The lack of interesting new villains is overshadowed by the dynamic portrayal of Magneto, and Claremont is able to demonstrate that he knows these characters inside and out.

B+

The Dream Teams

Just so there is no confusion, I thought it would be helpful to list out the team rosters in 1991 so that I don’t have to take up the space in another post. Back in 1991, and the beginning of X-Men #1, we have:

The Blue Squad (appearing in X-Men): Cyclops, Wolverine, Rogue, Gambit, Psylocke, Beast, and later Jubilee.

The Gold Squad (appearing in Uncanny X-Men): Storm, Jean Grey, Colossus, Archangel, and Iceman.

Other support characters: Professor X, Banshee, Forge, and Dr. Moira MacTaggert.

A Not Very Brief Intro Prior to X-Men #1

Before getting to my very first review, I feel it necessary to create a brief introduction for those unfamiliar with the phenomenon known as the X-Men and to provide context for the significance of this landmark issue, other than the number one on the cover. Yes, I am aware that this is a new blog, nobody is reading it, and the whole exercise is made meaningless by the fact that this introductory post will be buried after a couple of weeks, but so be it. For those of you already familiar with the history of the X-Men, or who don’t really give a toss, feel free to skip the next two paragraphs.

Anyhoo, the year was 1963 when Stan Lee and Jack Kirby created a group of five white teenagers with superpowers and really ugly costumes, led by their bald, wheelchair bound teacher and leader, Professor X. While this fact is considered completely unremarkable by anybody who reads comic books regularly, I still find myself constantly surprised by people familiar with the X-Men who do not believe that they are actually that old. Anyways, unlike Lee’s other creations such as Spider-man and The Fantastic Four, the X-Men were not a breakout hit and struggled to find readers. This was prior to the adoption of the “persecuted minorities holding back the prejudice that could start a genetic war” theme that would come to define the series, as well as the introduction of any blade wielding Canadians. Plus the team was a group of students based at a school, and everyone knows children hate school. And then there were the costumes. Man, those things were hard to look at; they even made Jean Grey look hideous. As other writers took over the book, slowly the title began to look like what it is today with personalized costumes that were slightly less horrible, stronger social relevance in the storylines, and Cyclops and Jean Grey finally acknowledging their mutual attraction. Then it was cancelled in 1970 with issue #66.

Okay, cancelled is maybe too strong a word, even if it is completely accurate… for the most part. After a break for a couple of months, the X-Men returned with a bimonthly schedule. Except these weren’t new stories, they were old stories repackaged with new covers and back up material. Not the best marketing strategy ever, but whatever works. And so the X-Men remained in continuity limbo until Dave Cockrum and Len Wein brought us Giant-Sized X-Men #1. In it, a bunch of characters who aren’t the X-Men save a bunch of people who are the X-Men, and in doing so become X-Men. And who could forget the X-Men’s greatest nemesis, Krakoa: The Living Island! Well, I’ll tell you who—pretty much everyone who ever worked on the X-Men afterwards. But this was a turning point with the introduction of such iconic characters as Nightcrawler, Colossus, Storm, and of course the most famous X-Man of all: the character that has come to embody the entire series, all of its spinoffs, and the entire Marvel comics line up in general. Yes, of course I’m talking about Sunfire, the hotheaded Japanese mutant with flame powers that just can’t get along with anyone. Wait, he had already appeared in the original series. I’m just messing with you; it was actually Hugh Jackman.

I bring all this up not to bore you or demonstrate how huge of a nerd I am (even though I’ve probably just done both), but to point out that the X-Men were dead in the water, condemned to C-list super hero obscurity until this point in 1975. It was at this point that Chris Claremont took over with Uncanny X-Men #94 and helped build them into the phenomenon that they are today. Without Claremont’s stories, the X-Men would be just another one of the various super hero titles that Marvel endlessly relaunches every couple of years until it inevitably gets cancelled time after time. For 188 issues, Claremont created or redefined just about every character, concept, and idea that the X-Men are even remotely associated with today. He made them so successful that the X-Men were ready for a new challenge in 1991: a second monthly title. With more than one title shipping every month, the X-Men were now in the same league as Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, and Archie. Unfortunately, the opening arc of this new title, cleverly titled X-Men, would be Claremont’s last… for a really long while! Editors Note: Actually it’s probably really fortunate, since when Claremont returned with issue #100, it was absolutely atrocious, but we’ll get to that in about 200 or so posts.

So yes X-Men volume two, number one stands as the end of Chris Claremont’s epic, and nearly unheard of, 17 years straight on the X-Men. That’s significant fact number one. Number two is that this issue sold more copies than any other comic book ever has, before or since. Yes, this issue is the Thriller of comics, the Michael Jordan of funny books, and the Avatar of polly-bagged treasures. Since a record eight million copies were sold, obviously it must be regarded as the greatest comic ever written, drawn, or published. If only there was a better way to denote sarcasm in type, besides the emoticon with its tongue sticking out (:b). At any rate, the reasons for the issues success are three fold:

1. My very least favorite comic book gimmick: the variant cover. X-Men #1 had five of the suckers, which would create a single, complete picture if you put them next to each other. Well four of them would—the fifth had a fold out cover that revealed the whole picture in all of its glory. Personally, I dislike variant covers because they make collecting that much more confusing, and I feel that making a cosmetic change to an already decent product is exploitative, but to each their own. If you are the type of person who likes to spend twenty or thirty bucks buying the same issue repeatedly, who am I to judge?

2. A complete misunderstanding by the public of the back issue market. Around 1990-1991, news organizations around the country were busy reporting stories about Golden and Silver Age back issues that had sold for hundreds and thousands of dollars. At around the same time, a certain well-established and successful franchise started a new series with a #1 on the cover, just like all of those old comics on TV that started out as a quarter and then became equal in value to an Olsen twin. However, in the grand traditions of sensationalism and modern journalism, these stories failed to mention that these prices were due to the rarity of Gold and Silver Age comics in good condition, as well as the fact that most of these issues were sought out because of the creators that worked on them and the demand for the stories more so than the arbitrary issue number on the cover.

Regardless, fans ate it up, and Marvel and DC continued to exploit fans for years by labeling number one issues as collectors items, having shiny cardboard stock covers, including holograms… lots of holograms, and using any other trick in the book until the Speculator Crash of 1996, where people realized Cage #1 was crap no matter how shiny the cover and stopped buying comics in such large quantities—and Marvel had to file for bankruptcy. Whoops! To be fair, the bankruptcy wasn’t completely because of the crash; it also had to do with the investment of millions of dollars in movies that either never got made or were so terrible that they couldn’t be released (i.e. the 1994 Fantastic Four movie). Double Whoops! With 8,000,000 copies sold, X-Men was an undeniable success for Marvel, but today has little to no value as a collectible; you could probably go online right now and buy enough copies to wallpaper your entire room and it would be cheaper than actual wallpaper.

3. Many people were actually interested in the story. Nineteen ninety-one marked a bold new direction for the X-Men—a return to the status quo of the seventies and early eighties! Around this period in X-history, the X-Men had been working out of a base in Australia, Magneto had been an ally and leader of the New Mutants (the next generation of young mutants being trained by the X-Men) for a while, Professor X was walking, and the original X-Men were off hanging out in their own title as a different team called X-Factor. The mission statement for this new X-Men series was simple; undo everything Claremont and other creators had done in the last couple of years.

So the X-Men move back to the Xavier Institute, X-Factor rejoins the X-Men, Professor X gets recrippled, and Magneto becomes a villain again, returning all to the natural, safe order of things. Side note: I wonder why Claremont left after the first three issues? Oh, also there are new costumes designed by Jim Lee that become the default costumes for the majority of the decade. Anyway, things seemed to work out for Marvel pretty well. So well in fact that if you fast forward all the way to 2010, Marvel is getting ready to do the exact same thing with their Avengers franchise, booting out the New Avengers and replacing them with the old Avengers so they can be the new Avengers. Come to think of it, they did the same thing with the Avengers in 1998 with Heroes Return, after all of that Heroes Reborn garbage. I guess that’s why they call Marvel The House of Ideas.

In any case, that’s why X-Men #1 matters. It’s also pretty important for story purposes, at least for the following couple of years. So what have we learned from all of this? I guess I learned that comic publishers will stop at nothing to make a profit, even if it eventually leads to the detriment of the entire comics industry years down the line. If you continue to read my posts in the weeks to come, you’ll learn that long term planning was not the strong suit of the X-office, but luckily the genuine coolness of the characters has managed to keep the X-books afloat for years. Also, if you’re an X-Men fan, make sure you give thanks for Chris Claremont… and Jim Lee… and Stan Lee and Jack Kirby of course… and me for telling you all of this… just kidding. Ellipses are fun. Anyways, please come back!

In the Beginning There Was Just Me

Greetings, and welcome to yet another page on the Internet dedicated to directing disparaging remarks at the work of others—brought to you by a person with no real qualifications to say such things, other than access to a computer and an overconfidence that his own capabilities as a writer might be more well received than the works that are being judged. Or at least that is what I think every time I read a review of anything that disagrees with my own personal opinion. Like many of you, I have cheered when something I enjoy is celebrated for the unparalleled expression of genius that it is (such as anything written by a certain entertainment revolutionary named Joss Whedon). Alternately, I too have scoffed any time something I deemed as exceptional and entertaining went without its deserved recognition, or something I found unbearable was mistakenly labeled as remarkable. Fans hate critics; fans love critics. Fans depend on critics for their suggestions, their insights, and for a necessary target to direct all of their hatred and resentment towards at the slightest hint of disagreement. Or at least, that’s how I see it.

So why then would I choose to throw my beret into the vast and hostile world of comic book criticism? What right do I have to make comments, since I could never feasibly write or provide art for any legitimate comic book myself? Why would I ever expose myself to the risk of treading on the feelings of fans across the world? Feelings forged through years of devotion and support to a given franchise; feelings that have been shaped by, and in many cases just plain shaped, the personal and cultural sensibilities of said fans. Why would I take time and exert effort on a task that bears no chance of physical or financial rewards and subjects me to the risk of being openly mocked by anonymous people, who may or may not be better than me, for anyone in the world to potentially stumble across and see? Well, let’s see:

1. I love the X-Men! It’s not just a hobby—I don’t just like them as friends. After following their exploits for more than three fifths of my natural life in comic books, cartoons, and movies, and after knowing them for longer than the majority of my friends, my stepmother, and her entire family, I think I am justified in saying that I love them. The huge cast of characters, the battles, the relationships, the cliffhanger endings, the humorous quips, the colorful costumes with Xs all over them; what’s not to love? They have a strong and relatable family dynamic (although less so in recent times), they deal with our own personal fears and insecurities about fitting in or changes to the status quo on an almost issue-to-issue basis, and they are probably one of the most diverse teams in comics’ history. Where else could you find an orphaned pickpocket/former African tribal goddess leading a misfit team against a Holocaust survivor in a purple cape who is threatening to flip the poles of the Earth as a preemptive measure in order to prevent the potential subjugation of his race by what he perceives as the dark inevitability of human nature?

I could talk, or I guess type, about why the X-Men rock for hours and hours. Because of this passion, I hold nothing but admiration for the elite creator able to utilize the rich history and personalities of the X-universe to craft a tale that has the potential to rival anything on television or in the movies today. However, I have nothing but disgust and ridicule for those creators that blatantly ignore continuity and character development, change characters for the sake of change, or stretch out concepts and stories well beyond the number of issues that can possibly sustain them. I denounce these creators; not to their faces of course, but rather in an Internet blog that they will hopefully never, ever read. The trouble with this distinction is that the X-Men creators responsible for your very favorite stories are often also responsible for the ones that you just can’t stand. Unless you’re talking about the Peter Milligan run which was completely unremarkable one way or the other, but we’ll get to that in a couple of months… or years. Ahh, my first undeserved swipe at a well respected industry professional, oh my God what a rush! Maybe this is the real reason why so many people do this.

2. There aren’t a lot of people to talk about comics with. Outside of my best friend and the people who work at the local comic store, nobody really gets it. You can’t really talk about comics on dates, at work, or with your parents, and those friends that don’t openly ridicule you just won’t understand why it matters that Chris Claremont’s second X-Men run (circa 2000) was such a monumental disappointment or why Wolverine’s peripheral participation in Marvel’s Civil War event was completely unacceptable (Why’s he on so many of the covers?). We are blessed to live in a time where people are more familiar and understanding about comic book fandom due to the abundance of blockbuster movies that present these beloved characters as watered down versions of their printed selves.

While I’ve allowed friends to borrow comics that I suggested for them, there are certain conversations I just can’t have with them—I have all of these opinions that I must share, but only to people who care. I’m looking for people as passionate (i.e. crazy) as me; people who are bothered that Juggernaut’s return to villainy almost completely ignores the relationship he had with the Fishboy who was initially responsible for his heroic reversion, or that Cannonball’s depiction as a bumbling novice in his earliest appearances as a member of the X-Men completely undermines the portrayal of him as the seasoned leader he was as a member of teams like X-Force and later issues of the New Mutants (see earlier complaints about ignoring continuity). Conversely, there are those fans that care enough to call me an idiot and explain why Juggernaut as a hero was crap and everything related to that story arc should be ignored as fast as possible; they’re great, too. And finally there are the newer fans that are unfamiliar with what I’m writing about, but curious nonetheless. These are the people that may just understand that part of me that few in my everyday life ever will.

3. I just finished filling in the holes in my collection, and I now own everything from the start of the second X-Men series until now for Uncanny and ordinary X-Men. This seems as good a place to start as any, and with the majority of blogs and media websites focusing on new releases, I thought I might try to differentiate myself just a little bit. Which isn’t to say that there aren’t any other avenues for reading opinions and summaries of old X-Men comics, it’s just that I don’t know of many. If there are, they are probably a whole lot better and more professional than mine. Basically, this just gives me a reason to reread all of those issues of X-Men and Uncanny X-Men in order to better understand how they fit together. Hopefully this either inspires a welcome hit of nostalgia for you, or if you are newer to the X-nation, fills in some of the blanks. Special thank you shout out to my local Comic Swap of State College, PA, and a delightful store in Flint, Michigan by the name of Jellybeans for making this all possible by taking my money.

4. I just finished the first draft of my master’s thesis and it was so tedious, stressful, and time consuming to do that it almost completely eroded my desire to write anything ever again. In fact, I haven’t written anything for myself in a very long time, so even if nobody ever reads this blog, or likes it, it still will serve a function.

5. Marvel is going to start reprinting all these stories eventually (X-Men #1-7 are coming out in hardback this spring), and I just might be doing a noble service in helping people decide whether or not these purchases are worthwhile for them, effectively initiating new readers into the magical world of the X-Men or comic books in general, and repaying Marvel for the years of enjoyment that they’ve provided me. Or I will be completely ruining the stories for people who haven’t read them yet; I’m not exactly sure which. All I’m certain of is that I have no reason to repay Marvel when I’ve already paid them a substantial portion of all of the money I’ve ever had, as well as my parents’ money, and continue to do so on a weekly basis. Anyways, in case I forget to say it later, SPOILERS. There, now you can’t get mad at me; it’s there, in print.

And there you have it. In case you didn’t get it from the vague, drawn out introduction, I’ll be rereading and reviewing X-Men comics from the 90s to today. But by the time I get to today, today will probably be a while ago. Also, I’ll try to do other issues that tie into them if I have access to them, such as crossovers, mini-series, and one-shots, but be prepared for the fact that I don’t own them all. I’m going to try to keep it in chronological order (Marvel comics continuity that is), but things can get really complicated with two ongoing series, multiple peripheral titles, and multi-issue arcs. I’ll try to post twice a week, but you should be familiar enough with the Internet, and real life, to know how that goes. After a while, I might throw in my opinions about comic movies or comic video games or comics that don’t have anything to do with the X-Men. And there is even a small chance of something completely unrelated to comics making its way here. Comments and questions are welcomed, criticisms are fine, insults are frowned upon but okay as long as they aren’t too vulgar. After all, it’s not like you’ll be able to see me cry or anything. Seeing me cry is definitely not okay. Oh, and grammar hounds, go nuts. I’m an English major and I not only understand, but also appreciate the desire to clean up spelling and punctuation, especially on the Internet. Anyways, please come back!