X-Men Unlimited #10

X-Men Unlimited #10

Writing: Mark Waid

Art: Frank Toscano and Nick Gnazzo

This takes place after X-Men #50, but before Uncanny #331

What Went Down: Our story begins with a flashback to a young Hank McCoy fixing a school bus and annoying the heck out of Groundskeeper Willy.  The flashback is being retold by the former school principal, who is retelling the story with pride in the present at a hospital.  Unfortunately the principal’s visitor is the evil Hank McCoy from the Age of Apocalypse, who promptly suffocates the principal after learning everything he can about the Hank of this world.  As Dark Beast leaves the hospital, it is apparent that he’s killed everyone there, not just the principal, as he recounts his history up until now.

Meanwhile, the real Beast is using the Danger Room as a giant microscope to manipulate the molecules of the Legacy Virus for study.  Professor X and the other X-Men interrupt him to implore that he spend more time outside the lab.  In a secret lab, Dark Beast has hacked into regular Hank’s computer and is keeping track of his work.

Dark Beast meets with another person from Hank’s life—this time a former girlfriend named Mindy who recounts teenage Hank’s fixation with the robotics of a haunted tunnel ride.  As she tells the story, Mindy becomes ill, and Dark Beast reveals he infected her and the rest of the restaurant with a deadly virus. 

At the institute, Iceman is helping Beast with yet another experiment.  Bobby has to use his powers to keep a microscope from overheating, even though this eventually causes him pain.  The computer eventually overheats and blows up.  Afterwards, Bobby gets Hank to agree to leave the lab, but it’s a trick to get rid of him. 

Dark Beast then visits a priest who retells the origin of Hank’s fur to the villain.  The priest is repaid by having his church blown up.  After acquiring some files from the Brand Corporation, Dark Beast is able to turn his fur blue.  He heads to the home of Hank’s parents to learn more about the genuine article.  Evil Hank gets more of his origin filled in, pertaining to the radiation accident that may have given him the x-gene.  Both parents notice something wrong with their son, and just when it seems like Dark Beast might kill them both, he falters and leaves abruptly. On his way out of town, he kills a random passerby. 

As real Beast works on his computer, Dark Beast hacks his computer and leads him to the abandoned Brand Corporation.  Dark Beast traps regular Beast in a box and gloats about all the people in Hank’s life that he has killed.  Enraged Beast bursts free and a fight ensues.  Just when Beast has the upper hand, he realizes he is about to kill Dark Beast and lets up, allowing Dark Beast to knock him out.  When Hank wakes up, he is being bricked into a dungeon.  Beast begs him to let him go and help him cure the Legacy Virus, but the villain seals him in. 

How It Was:  Well when you have a dark version of a character hanging around a super hero universe, it is inevitable that he will end up facing his better self at some point.  While it’s not the most original set up for a comic story, Mark Waid wrote it, so there is actually a little substance to this tale.  Dark Beast is a problematic character because theoretically he shares the same temperament and personality with regular Beast, only without all the patience and ethical concerns; his vague fear of Mr. Sinister, who probably doesn’t know he exists at this point, seems unfounded.  Waid quickly defines the evil McCoy by making him a remorseless killer the likes of which we haven’t seen in the X-books up to this point.  Even when Sabretooth escaped and had a dozen chances to kill someone, he was never allowed to; compare that to Dark Beast who wipes out entire hospitals and restaurants full of people on a whim.  It’s off-putting, but the violence does serve a purpose.  Having racked up an enormous body count by the middle of the issue, I was almost certain Dark Beast was going to kill Hank’s parents, who are probably as crucial to the X-books as all the made-up characters from Hank’s life in this issue.  There is a marvelous sense of tension as Dark Beast reaches for the axe.  In fact, it might’ve ended up a more memorable story and cemented Dark Beast as a more palpable threat long term if he had gone through with it. 

Some of the flashbacks are a little hokey (why is Groundskeeper Willy at Hank’s school), but they establish that downhome mid-western Smallville charm that makes for an excellent contrast with the over-the-top violence of the Dark Beast.  Regular Beast’s experiments are shown for a little too long, and I don’t really get how an electron microscope can overheat and explode, but once he’s lead to the Brand Corporation, it’s worth it to see his reaction to Dark Beast’s remorseless crimes.  It’s unfortunate that most of this is forgotten after Onslaught because although he’s sort of derivative in terms of comics stories, Dark Beast would’ve made a more interesting obsession for Beast to focus on as opposed to the Legacy Virus plot that just kept going and going and going.

Waid injects personality and a hint of humor into the characters (I love the line about Bobby getting a 200 point lead in Scrabble).  And although the two Beasts couldn’t seem more different, Waid wisely uses the corny flashbacks to establish the commonality that both of them need to satisfy their own curiosities when it comes to how things work; Dark Beast just uses living people as opposed to machines and lab equipment.  Both are obsessed with figuring out how things work, and it’s a shame we aren’t given more of Dark Beast’s history to really drive home the similarities and differences.

This is probably one of the best issues of X-Men Unlimited I’ve ever read.  It feels like a narrower focused story, unburdened by the myriad of subplots that would undoubtedly be included in the main titles; however, for the first time most of the book doesn’t feel like padded filler.  Dark Beast seems like a genuine threat, even if he never does anything threatening or interesting while undercover at the X-Mansion.  This could’ve been the foundation for rehabilitating a contrived villain—it’s too bad it never was followed up on, so Dark Beast actually comes across in later appearances as C-level Mr. Sinister.  Still, this is quite a good one.

Everyone Should Read

Uncanny X-Men #357

Uncanny X-Men #357
Writing: Steven Seagle

Art: Dan Norton

What Went Down:  On the streets of Ptarmigan Creek, Alaska, a swarm of crows has begun to attack people on the street.  Unaware of these events, the original five X-Men enjoy drinks at a local restaurant.  Jean has interrupted the conversation about Scott’s new direction because she finds it too serious for the get-together.  The team sees the pandemonium outside and jump into action. 

Outside they decide to help people while trying to remain incognito.  Each hero takes a turn saving civilians.  Sheriff Chris shows up and shoots a gun in the air, scaring off the birds.  Iceman presents his hypothesis that the crazy shaman is behind this, but nobody believes him. 

At the Agee Institute, Dr. Agee is examining Rogue’s DNA sample. He talks to his sister about how hideous Rogue is now, and how he’ll cure her as he did his sister.  It is revealed that his sister is a horrible looking monster in a glass tube.  At Scott and Jean’s cabin, the team discusses recent events while Jean gets into costume.  Staci’s sister Melissa barges in and sees the team as mutants.  She says she is okay with it because she has six toes on each foot, so she’s a mutant too. 

Up in space, Bishop (remember him) is still strapped to his bed while the ship he and Deathbird are on plummets towards a sun.  He convinces Deathbird to release him, feigning feelings for her, and the two are able to plot a new course towards a nearby planet. 

In Alaska the team gets into costume and splits up to get to the bottom of the rampaging crows.  Iceman goes after the crazy shaman, Beast and Archangel discover toxic waste in the birds’ habitat, and Cyclops and Jean rescue Chris and his deputy from a swarm of birds.  They are initially insulting to the mutants until their lives are saved by the X-Men. 

As the birds converge and the team reunites, the birds form a big person shape.  Jean discovers that one of the birds is a robot and destroys it at the same time that Cyclops blasts the person-shape and Iceman knocks out the shaman.  The bird-person dissipates, although nobody can say who was responsible.  Cyclops’ is weakened from the use of his power exacerbating his injuries, and Iceman discovers that the shaman’s “bag of enchantment” is full of bird see.  As the rest of the team walks away, Iceman sees the Indian guy’s spirit form into a bird and fly off (I think).  The bird announces the end of the issue.

How It Was:  So…this is an issue where the original X-Men fight a lot of birds.  Nuff said.  It really is that simple and there isn’t anything more to it.  Most disappointing of all is the way Jean derails Scott’s new idea for the X-Men; it’s hard to say if Seagle just never got around to it, or if he never had anything and was just teasing it to fill up space.  Either way it’s a bummer.

And then there’s the fighting with the birds.  This issue has some “so ridiculous they’re good” panels in it, such as Cyclops punching birds mid-air or Iceman beating birds with a sandwich board.  It’s the kind of thing that’s so absurd that it sort of works in an unintentionally humorous sort of way. 

Then we get to the ambiguous ending…I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be a true mystery or just playing off of the fact that the plot is so ridiculous that it shouldn’t matter.  It doesn’t really bother me at the end of the day, but I do find the robot bird’s presence a little odd.  There are some story inconsistencies; Cyclops and Jean fret the whole issue over Scott using his power because of his injuries.  However, he also manages to carry a grown man over his shoulder with absolutely no effect whatsoever.  Cyclops and Jean work so hard to maintain a low-profile, but they leave the door unlocked for Melissa to barge right in and learn everything.

Even odder is the pick-up of Bishop’s thread after about four months of losing track of it.  This is a pretty sudden shift, made even more abrupt by the solo focus on Bishop next issue.  As for the events affecting Rogue—this issue more or less states that Agee is crazy, yet the events of #359 seem to brush this aside if I remember right. 

This isn’t something that would sell a new comics reader, but it is fun for longtime X-Men fans to reconnect with the history of the book.  It’s too bad the veteran members of the team could not have had a bigger threat to go up against.  The crows sort of overwhelm this half of the story though, replacing ambiguous suppositions with the fun character moments from last issue.

C

Uncanny X-Men #356

Uncanny X-Men #356
Writing: Steven Seagle

Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down:  In the snowy north of Alaska, Archangel, Iceman, and Beast are in a cab on their way to visit Cyclops and Jean.  They’ve traveled all this way after listening to a concerned message from Scott.  The cab they’re in gets hit by a bird and crashes into a moose.  This allows the X-Men to meet secondary character Sheriff Chris Miller—Scott and Jean’s neighbor. Iceman sees a local crazy man and considers that he might be responsible.

Back at the mansion, Wolverine is waiting in the yard for SHIELD with the captive Karl Lykos, the alter ego of Sauron.  Wolverine has recaptured him off-panel after the end of #355.  Rogue shows up in her original costume and tells him she’s going to the city.  After Rogue flies away, there’s a big flash and Lykos is gone, presumably taken by GW Bridge.

In Alaska, the original X-Men are reunited and introduced to Chris’s wife and sister-in-law.  Inside, the X-Men ask Scott why he summoned them.  Scott is hesitant, because he doesn’t want to talk about Jean in front of her, so he talks about wanting to discuss a new direction for the X-Men.  Upstairs Cyclops explains to Beast that he is concerned about Jean’s powers and her wearing of the Phoenix costume.  He mentions that last time he saw Jean wear the costume he was silent while it took her over, but now he wants to stay on top of it. 

Downstairs the X-Men reminisce about the events of Uncanny X-Men #1 and discuss recent events in the comics.  They also discuss trying to find the Professor, although Jean says she’s been looking with her powers.  The room fills with smoke, and Warren flies up to find a dead bird clogging the chimney.  Staci’s sister sees Warren on the roof.

In Manhattan, Rogue observes Dr. Agee to see if she can trust him.  After seeing him leave a research facility called Mutopia, she confronts him.  He claims that Mutopia wanted him to join their consortium, but he declined.  During this conversation, Rogue slips into Gambit’s speech patterns for a moment. 

Scott and Jean take the rest of the X-Men out to a restaurant.  They’re forced to park far away due to a protest of the local Inuits over land rights.  Iceman sees the crazy shaman again, and Cyclops sits down with the X-Men to discuss his bold new direction from Xavier’s dream as a large flock of crows flies over the restaurant.

How It Was:  This is a random one, but it’s full of nostalgia and faithful characterization.  Seagle’s story is reminiscent of the quieter, more character-centric issues of X-Men that Scott Lobdell used to write after a big crossover.  The main difference is that this isn’t after a big crossover; it seems to be setting up a future Phoenix story or a new direction for the team, but it never really gets around to doing either.  All that really happens is an original X-Men reunion with some offbeat Twin Peaks-esque supernatural occurrences happening around it.

In spite of weird tone of the plot, the reunion is actually really nice to see.  Even though the majority of these characters have been in circulation for over thirty years by this point, most of them had been more or less overshadowed at the time by newer, more popular characters like Wolverine, Storm, Rogue, and Gambit.   Seagle nails the relationship of the group perfectly—the playfulness, the desire to help each other, the comfort these characters have around each other, and the way being around each other makes them feel younger.  The scene between Beast and Scott over Jean works really well; the concern Scott expresses feels authentic and it’s a strong use of continuity that reinforces the story, rather than convoluting it.  Seagle also has some fun trying to hide the Beast’s appearance, but the joke might go on for a little too long.

As far as weaknesses…well, Chris and Staci are still one-dimensional as ever, and so is their new sister Melissa.  And the bird storyline is just an odd direction to go; it really feels like a forced reason just to get the team into costume next issue.  There was a focusing on birds in #352 as well, so I do wonder if the cosmic entity in that story was meant to be the reason for Jean’s sudden interest in the Phoenix.  Ah, we’ll never know.  Bachalo makes the most of the imagery, and his designs for the characters are all vibrant (even if he gives Iceman a goofy soul patch). 

Also worth noting, the Rogue/Agee subplot has a lot of setup this issue that never plays off.  The Agee scenes especially are positioning him as a crazy villain, but all this gets forgotten soon enough.  As for Rogue being possessed by Gambit, this doesn’t pay off, except for maybe some throwaway lines from Rogue later.  Seagle’s character work is top notch this issue, even if his plot feels forced.  I like that the spotlight is being directed on characters that haven’t had it on them in a while.  It’s just really a shame that a lot of what is here gets dropped later on.

B-

X-Men #69

X-Men #69
Writing: Scott Lobdell

Art: Carlos Pacheco and Salvador Larroca

What Went Down: The issue begins long after the end of the last one, with Iceman, Marrow, and Cecilia riding an ice slide over the ocean towards Connecticut, the location of Charlotte’s kidnapped son Timmy.  The two girls are still bickering, but they both agree that Sabra might not be trustworthy.

We then get a flashback to Sabra saving the group from the army last issue by dropping a building on them.  Sabra introduces herself to the mutants and tells them that she just so happens to have discovered the location of Charlotte Jones’ son.  After the flashback, Sabra lands on the ice slide.  She explains that she lost her son in a conflict, and doesn’t want it to happen to anybody else.  Marrow decides to jump in the water, to the confusion of everyone else.  She surfaces with a dead Prime Sentinel, impaled on her bones. 

In Washington, the Senator has just finished an amazing (off-panel) speech to the Senate to change their minds about Operation Zero Tolerance.  Henry Gyrich talks to the senator about how he respects the man, even though he is probably destroying his career. 

After reaching a Connecticut beach house, they are ambushed yet again by another group of Prime Sentinels, this time accompanied by Bastion. Iceman pleas for Bastion to release the boy, which he says he will do.  Bastion introduces the old woman from last issue as the closest thing he has to a mother.  He then somehow uses Cecilia’s powers against her.  His mother tells him that he has become a monster.

Marrow decides that the best course of action is to kill Bastion’s mother since she is important to him.  Iceman stops her and freezes everyone; he then attacks Bastion on his own.  As they fight, Iceman gives a long speech about tolerance and letting go of anger; a lot of it has to do with his experiences helping to rehabilitate his father.  Iceman has Bastion on the ropes but refuses to kill him.  The Prime Sentinels catch up and neutralize Bobby’s powers. 

Iceman accuses Bastion of having no humanity, giving the villain pause.  He begins to give an order to his Sentinels, but he is interrupted by SHIELD agents arriving to arrest Bastion and all of OZT.  It seems that the Senator’s plea was successful.  Later, Iceman finds out that the rest of the X-Men escaped from Bastion as well.  Marrow asks Iceman why they didn’t kill him, and he responds that it would have made them like Bastion.

How It Was:  Up to this issue, I feel I’ve been pretty charitable with this story.  It was far from perfect, but it had some good character moments and it was Lobdell’s last story on X-Men.  Unfortunately this issue just goes too far off the beaten trail for me to enjoy it. 

First, Sabra is a huge letdown, in more ways than one.  She’s just used as a plot device to tell the characters where they need to go, and to conveniently get the heroes out of the ambush cliffhanger from last issue.  After explaining the aspects of her past that the audience already knew from past issues, she does absolutely nothing else in this issue.  I The threat to Timmy doesn’t feel very immediate, and the fact that we don’t really know the character at all lessens the stakes even more.

But the real disappointment is how the entire story ends; SHIELD shows up to arrest the bad guys, and you realize the heroes didn’t do anything to bring about the resolution.  Senator Kelly’s amazing speech (that we don’t get to see) was so riveting that it got one of the fastest proclamations out of the Senate ever.  Of course, the reason we don’t get to see the speech is because Iceman pretty much covers everything in his own long speech as he beats on Bastion.  This is the guy who violated the X-Men’s home, who captured the most powerful X-Men, and imprisoned/tortured their leader Professor X, and the X-Men don’t even get the satisfaction of defeating him themselves.  Instead some generic soldiers show up and announce the story is over.  It’s possibly the most disappointing story ending ever.

There’s still some nice character moments; Marrow’s fish-out-of-water routine is fun to watch as she tries to understand what Connecticut is and kills a Prime Sentinel with her bear hands.  But half way through, all three girls get pushed to the side with nothing else to contribute.  And the issue doesn’t even explain who or what Bastion is (this is actually revealed in two obscure 1998 annuals unconnected to the X-Men).  So no fulfillment and no answers; it just ends.  Iceman’s speech is really long and dense, but it is pretty true to the character.  It’s just weird how he has to give up at the end of the fight, leaving it unfinished.  The story tries to make it seem like Iceman might’ve swayed Bastion with his words, but nothing interesting is ever done with this idea.

I want to make it cleat that this is by no means the worst issue of X-Men ever.  It is probably the most disappointing though as far as wasted potential.   With this issue, Zero Tolerance goes from one of the X-Men’s greatest threats to a minor inconvenience with no consequences to the characters whatsoever, other than the discovery of a couple new X-Men to join the team.  It’s just a shame that they don’t do anything substantial at all.

D+

X-Men #68

X-Men #68
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Steve Seagle
Art: Pascual Ferry

What Went Down:  Two cops walk down to the basement of the police station, looking for the cause of the power outage.  Marrow attacks them both and knocks them out.  Upstairs, Charlotte Jones decides that she can’t leave her friends to die, even if it means risking her son’s life.  In the interrogation room, Iceman detects the Sentinels on the other side of the glass.  They attack, but Cecilia’s forcefield once again holds them off.  The human police officers barge in, weapons drawn, and the battle escalates.

At the White House, Senator Kelly is feeling guilty about paving the way for Operation Zero Tolerance.  He comes to the conclusion that genocide is not a solution after debating with Henry Peter Gyrich.  He decides that he needs to talk to the President to resolve this. 

In New York, the real police exchange gunfire with the Sentinels.  Iceman breaks a wall and provides an ice slide for escape, afterwards bringing the ceiling down on the robots.  Downstairs, Marrow prevents the prisoners from escaping by scaring them. 

Back upstairs, one Sentinel survives and shoots at Iceman.  Charlotte Jones jumps in between, severely wounding herself.  She explains that her son was kidnapped and asks them to rescue him.  At a dock in New York, Sabra prevents two criminals from stealing some cargo.

Marrow shows up to offer help and make fun of Cecilia’s problems.  The two women almost get into a fight, but Iceman intercedes.  After stabilizing Charlotte, they leave.  Walking down the street, the three mutants are ambushed by an army of soldiers and Prime Sentinels.  The issue closes on Charlotte’s son Timmy being watched by an old woman who tells the boy that his mother is undercover.

How It Was:  With this issue, the Operation Zero Tolerance plot starts to take some missteps.  The threats still haven’t gone beyond Sentinel ambushes for Cecilia to hold back (hell, it’s even the cliffhanger for the issue), and the renewed emphasis on Senator Kelly is not a good sign of where the story is going toward its resolution.  I can’t nail down what Gyrich’s purpose is in this story.  He seems firmly committed to the idea of mutants as a threat that need stopped by any means necessary, but he is sympathetic to the Senator for some unknown reason.  Plus, Gyrich was attacked by Sentinels in Uncanny #346, so he should probably feel a little more strongly about OZT.  It’s good that the story is drawing parallels between racial profiling, unsubstantiated fears, and the Nazis, but shouldn’t Senator Kelly have thought of all this beforehand?  On top of that, the entire purpose of Iceman’s team has suddenly switched from protecting mutants and stopping Bastion to saving the son of a third-tier character that hasn’t been seen in this book in years. 

What makes up for all this is the addition of Marrow to the team.  Now I’m the first to balk at the idea of a villain becoming a hero, and it’s obvious that the X-staff has changed her quite a bit in trying to pull this off (even going so far as to change her appearance to something more aesthetically pleasing).  She was a homicidal maniac willing to blow up a subway full of humans, so this new take on her is a bit of a stretch.  Still, she adds a lot of humor to this story and offers a new contrast for Cecilia.  The story up until now has focused on Cecilia’s problems, but compared to Marrow, Reyes has had it easy.  Marrow lived in a sewer, never saw the sun, and had to hunt and fight for survival.  And Cecilia might be able to see that if Marrow wasn’t so crass and confrontational.  Suffice to say, Marrow adds a new voice and a wholly unique perspective to the other two that adds to the story.

Whereas the characters are spot-on and compelling, the narration is a little overwrought.  There are sequences that are just too full of unnecessary information, like the description of the making of the two-way mirror in one scene, or the entire career history of the two cops in the opening three pages (surprisingly, they do appear in a later issue).  Also there are some sequences that just pull you right out of the story: a tattooed elderly gentleman worried about dying in the precinct and the friends talking outside about breaking into the police station serve no purpose.

But now I’m nitpicking.  I do like this issue for the humor, the animosity and tension between the characters, and at the time I was wondering how this was all going to end.  This is still one of the better portrayals of Iceman you’ll get for a long time, and both Marrow and Cecilia are shaping into interesting characters.

B

X-Men #67

X-Men #67
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Carlos Pacheco

What Went Down:  Our story now takes us to Israel, where Israeli super soldier Sabra is infiltrating…somewhere…to find information on Operation Zero Tolerance.  Some security guards find her just as she finishes the download, asking her to come with them.  Escorted into a car, the three agents Sabra meets turn out to be Prime Sentinels, and they demand she give up the information she just stole.  Sabra defeats them, and her thoughts explain that she is motivated by the loss of her son Jacob.

In Manhattan, Cecilia and Iceman have made their way to Archangel’s penthouse apartment.  Iceman tries to explain Archangel’s history, but Cecilia doesn’t really care, and both of them are anxious about running into disguised Prime Sentinels.  Marrow observes them as they walk by the sewer.  Inside the apartment, Iceman accidentally attacks Angie Quail, who says she is Candy Southern’s old roommate that is housesitting for Warren.

In New Mexico, Bastion continues to taunt Professor X.  Xavier comes to the conclusion that Bastion wants Xavier to be lying about his power loss because Bastion secretly wants to be stopped.  Bastion insists he is saving humanity.

In New York, Iceman tries to call the X-Men’s allies on a cellphone while Angie tries to get Cecilia to open up about the things that are bothering her.  Iceman’s powers konk out because Angie is actually a Prime Sentinel nullifying them.  Cecilia saves Iceman, and the Sentinel is defeated by a gunshot from behind, courtesy of Charlotte Jones—Archangel’s former girlfriend, a cop, and an X-Men ally.

Charlotte takes the two mutants to the police station for protection.  Cecilia doesn’t trust her, but Bobby insists that Charlotte is a friend.  In another room, we see Charlotte talking to the two bodyguards from Uncanny #346 (the one’s that are really Sentinels).  Operation Zero Tolerance has kidnapped Charlotte’s son, forcing Charlotte to lead her friends into a trap.  On the other side of the two-way mirror, we see that a number of the police officers are also Prime Sentinels.  Just as they are about to attack, the power goes out.  This is thanks to Marrow, who is trying to help our heroes.

How It Was:  More new players and more to like about already-established ones.  I’m still really digging Cecilia and Iceman’s relationship at this point.  While Cecilia still complains a lot, she is far more sympathetic here as it slowly becomes clearer and clearer that Iceman has absolutely no idea what he is doing.  And that’s a really fun direction to see this odd couple in.  Their banter back and forth tells the whole story; their frustration, fear, and growing admiration all come across really well. 

What I’m not too crazy about is the formulaic pattern this story is stuck in: Cecilia and Iceman go someplace to hide, Prime Sentinels ambush them, Cecilia holds them off with her forcefield, an outside force saves them, repeat.  It’s only issue two of this story, and this has already happened two or three times, and it’s not going to stop.  As for the attempt of a misdirect with Angie the housesitter, it probably would have worked better if we’d seen this character once or twice before.

I like the idea of a Mossad trained Israeli Captain America, so it’s too bad that Sabra is little more than a plot device in this story.  She does get a nice scene where she takes out some Sentinels though.  And then Charlotte Jones appears out of nowhere; last time I remember seeing her is the beginning of the Legacy Virus story around Uncanny #298.  The abduction of her son would probably mean a lot more if she appeared in this series with any regularity.  Still, it’s an interesting enough quandary to put our heroes in.  All in all it’s a decent issue.  If you’re not sick of Prime Sentinels yet, the desperation and tension from the protagonists is enough to keep the story captivating.

B

X-Men #66

X-Men #66
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Carlos Pacheco
 

What Went Down:  After a time-honored newsfeed/exposition dump recaps the premise of Operation Zero Tolerance, we see a celebration among the patients and co-workers of Dr. Cecilia Reyes in a hospital lobby.  A bleeding victim in need of immediate care interrupts the impromptu celebration.  The patient dies, despite Reyes’ best efforts, but as everyone is leaving the person gets up and transforms into a Prime Sentinel.  Having hidden the fact that she is a mutant from all of the hospital staff, Cecilia is less than thrilled.

The Sentinel tries to kill Cecilia, revealing that her mutant power is a forcefield that absorbs just about anything, but causes her physical pain as a result.  An orderly is revealed to be another Sentinel, who takes a hostage to convince the surgeon to turn off her mutant power; however, she has no control over it.

Fortunately for Cecilia and the hostage, Iceman shows up to save the day.  Instead of thanking him, Reyes attacks Iceman, blaming him for revealing her secret.  It seems that Charles Xavier had previously approached her about becoming an X-Man, but she declined.  Now she is convinced that the X-Men are somehow responsible for the Sentinels’ awareness of her.  Speaking of Sentinels, more attack, so Iceman encases the entire room in ice and shatters a hole through the floor to the sewers.  On the way down, he “drops” Cecilia in order to test her reflexes.  Down in the sewers, Dr. Reyes breaks down over the loss of her normal life.  Iceman gives her a pep talk, and convinces her to trust him…for now. 

In the OZT Hulkbuster base, Bastion continues to taunt Xavier over the acquisition of his belongings.  He thinks Xavier still has his telepathy, even though Xavier insists that he lost it during Onslaught.  To top it off, Bastion shows Xavier the captured X-Men from X-Men #65.

How It Was:  Well, it’s been a while since the last actual issue of OZT.  As a reluctant rereader of this series, I have to admit that this issue exceeded my expectations.  With all mutants under arrest, it’s only natural for the X-Men to intercede on behalf of oppressed mutants everywhere.  For some reason though this X-Men crossover story is organized so that there is only one X-Man, and he can only rescue one mutant out of what must be hundred or thousands. 

There’s no real reason why Cecilia should be the only one chosen for protection, but plot holes aside, her interactions with Iceman are fantastic.  Or more accurately I should say that this is the best Iceman we’ve seen in a while.  As Lobdell’s last arc, this is as good a place to go as any, since this is a natural conclusion for Iceman’s characterization to go.  And it’s nice to see that this is a challenge that he’s nowhere near prepared for.  Cecilia comes off as conceited and egotistical, but the script balances it by showing that Iceman is just as caught up in the role of his job—building on previous character points with his ex-girlfriend Opal.  And although Cecilia is abrasive, her situation comes off as rather unique.  Instead of just being a reluctant hero, she’s played as completely unwilling, making for an interesting counter to Bobby’s experience and optimism.  It’s an interesting direction that few writers have explored to this point.  After all, everyone would be honored to be an Avenger, but nobody wants to be an X-Man.  Some might be taken back by how much exposition is crammed in to explain all of Cecilia’s history and background, but I can respect wanting to get it all out of the way.

 I like that we’re finally seeing the repercussions of OZT, but I do wish that the story centered more on the fact that the government is unlawfully seizing citizens as opposed to making it solely about one doctor and how inconvenient this all is for her.  But with only four issues to work with, I can respect wanting to keep the scope small.  Pacheco’s art really helps out with the pacing; it makes what little action there is livelier, and his Iceman looks pretty cool.  As a franchise-wide crossover, this is probably a bit underwhelming, but as a spotlight for Iceman, it’s fantastic.  Putting him in a situation where he is outnumbered, and pairing him with a self-hating novice who doesn’t trust him, that’s just the stuff of drama.  Not the greatest thing ever, but enjoyable enough for a beginning.

B-

Uncanny X-Men #340

Uncanny X-Men #340
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Bobby Drake’s father is in the hospital after being beaten up by members of the Friends of Humanity. Bobby is sitting alone with him in the hospital room when Storm shows up and asks him what happened. Elsewhere Cannonball is still undercover within Creed’s campaign. He tries to visit Creed, but two hulking bodyguards prevent him. Just as Sam is leaving, Creed shows up and invites him into his office.

Storm and Iceman have moved onto the roof of the hospital where Bobby explains how he discovered his father. Creed’s campaign members were going to catch a jet when Creed asked Bobby to help solve a problem. Because Creed uses Iceman’s real name “Robert” it’s an indication that something is wrong, and sure enough Drake finds his father badly beaten in a clearing in the woods. Bobby feels guilty, and wonders why his father didn’t give them any information, to which Storm replies there is only one answer.

Outside Creed’s headquarters, Creed asks Sam about his father. Guthrie describes his father as hardworking and loving. Then he asks about Creed’s dad, knowing that Graydon’s father is the villain Sabretooth. Creed crushes the glass he was drinking from and just claims that his dad was a disappointment.

In Mr. Drake’s hospital room, Gambit is watching over the man. Mr. Drake asks him why Remy fights for mutant rights, and Gambit replies it’s for the same reason he did. Outside a van pulls up at the hospital. Human extremist soldiers are preparing to kill all the mutants that they can detect. Wolverine opens the trunk door and appears to jump in and kill all of them.

Storm talks about how she wonders if her parents would’ve approved of her lifestyle as a super hero; she wishes that her parents were still alive. In a bar, Jean telepathically contacts Cannonball to tell him that Iceman’s cover was blown; Sam is determined to stay until the end. Back at the hospital, Bobby tells Storm that he’s taking a leave of absence from the X-Men to be with his father. The X-Men leave and he tells his father that he loves him.

How It Was: This is easily the best issue of either X-Men title in a very long time. It’s also some of the best material Iceman has been given in a very long time, especially since it has nothing to do with guilt over how his powers developed. Iceman gets a very relatable storyline involving his father getting put in the hospital, and Lobdell handles it perfectly. Yes it’s still a little contrived that Mr. Drake has had this eleventh hour turn of conscience, but it is justified well as an understanding that even mutants have families.

All the characters talk about their fathers, and while it should come off as corny, it doesn’t. Storm gets a rare sensitive moment talking about her thoughts about her dead parents, and even Cannonball and Creed share just enough to show how their fathers have impacted their lives. This just works as a quiet, contemplative issue that places the focus squarely on characterization. Also Wolverine’s part works perfectly with the mislead that this quiet, contemplative mood is about to be shattered by human bigots, but than at the last minute Wolverine just kills them all. It’s cathartic for the reader because it’s alluded that these are the same people responsible for beating up Mr. Drake, and it’s also just an undeniably cool moment of Logan acting tough.

What isn’t really working is the overall direction of the story. Cannonball and Iceman’s infiltrations haven’t turned up any information at all, and they never will. I do like how Creed’s asking about Cannonball’s father also works as a thinly veiled threat, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that this subplot is a waste of the character and nothing ever really comes of it. This is Scott Lobdell at his best, which he hasn’t been at since he took over both books again. All the heroes are warm, familiar, and handled in a mature, realistic, and very human way. Highly recommended.

A

X-Men #59

X-Men #59
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Ralph Macchio
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Cyclops is in a near-empty theater watching Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Instead of drawing scenes from the movie, the art department has decided to Photoshop screen shots of the movie onto the screen. Jean shows up and surprises Scott, even though he knows that she’s a telepath. Although the theater is empty, someone tells them to be quiet. Jean asks him about Alex, but he just wants to watch the movie.

Back at the Institute, Bishop is getting beat up again by the second guest hero in two issues. Hercules has thrown Bishop through the wall and seems confused as to how his greeting could have hurt Bishop that much. Beast explains the Onslaught storyline to Hercules, and Bishop threatens to beat up Herc, but is held back by Beast. Hercules has stopped by looking for Quicksilver because he wants to team up with the remaining Avengers, since he has been condemned to Earth by his father Zeus.

Quicksilver is outside wondering how he’s going to face his daughter and tell her that her mother is dead. Wolverine gives him a pep talk about being strong for her like Crystal and Wanda would have wanted. Quicksilver runs into Joseph, who is busy building a machine to block Rogue’s powers. Quicksilver yells at him for not realizing all the lives he’s ruined, and then runs away.

Back in the theater, Scott tells Jean how he always liked movies as a way to escape from the reality of being a sickly orphan whose brother was adopted. The two kiss each other. At Creed’s campaign headquarters, Iceman reads a fax that says his father was arrested after Trish Tilby’s talk show and refused to give his name. Cannonball walks in on Creed talking on the phone; he claims he was discussing strategy with his parents. Sam knows who his parents are so he wonders what Creed meant. Outside, Bobby asks Carly if she thinks Creed is going to be elected. Carly responds, “What is, is,” which is the motto of the Askani in the future.

As Quicksilver and Hercules depart, Joseph flies up to the plane and apologizes to Quicksilver, who responds that maybe someday it will mean something. Hercules cautions the dangers of holding a grudge, but Pietro is distant. Cyclops and Jean exit the theater and he wonders if it’s silly that he wasted the day watching movies. He realizes that the fate of the X-Men is up to him, but he’s hopeful because Jean is by his side.

How It Was: Alright, Hercules stops by the mansion for no good reason other than to force a recap of the Onslaught storyline and write Quicksilver out of the book. Hercules comes off as a bit of a tool here, throwing Bishop through a wall and then acting surprised by it. Quicksilver gets some nice development, although it’s a couple of months too late in my opinion. Shouldn’t he have gone to visit his daughter many issues ago? Wolverine’s speech to Pietro feels a lot more like common sense than pearls of wisdom, but how else can Lobdell explain why Quicksilver is still around unless he goes the route of fear.

The Creed storyline is still around, and a whole lot of nothing is still happening there. The reveal that Carly Alverez might be an Askani from the future is interesting, but like so many things in this era, it is totally forgotten about later. Cyclops’ scenes are an unexpected choice. There’s nothing really special about his interactions with Jean, but it’s nice to see him acknowledging the weight of being in charge of the X-Men in the Professor’s absence.

At this point it’s been three months since Onslaught wrapped up, and it still feels like nothing significant has happened at all. Instead of following up on Archangel’s transformation or Havok’s terrorist activity, we’re left with the very boring Creed storyline, and Hercules’ unnecessary visit. This is just filler until somebody can come up with a proper direction for the books to take, and it’s a shame because there are so many possible directions. Very weak plotting, and Macchio’s script can’t compare to Lobdell’s normally insightful character interaction.

D

X-Men #58

X-Men #58
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Bernard Chang

What Went Down: Storm is down in the sewer visiting the graves of the Morlocks on the anniversary of the Morlock Massacre. She finds a number of candles laid out and wonders who has done this. She’s surprised to see Gambit paying his respects, especially since he wasn’t an X-Man during the event. Also, there appears to be grass in the sewer where the Morlocks are buried. Gambit mistakes Storm for an attacker and throws some charged cards at her, then apologizes. When asked why he is there, Gambit just tells her that he feels badly for them.

Trish Tilby is interviewing Graydon Creed on her news show. Creed takes time to thank Drake Roberts, really Iceman, for his contributions to the campaign. Trish asks Creed about his hate speech, but he brushes it off as distortion from the liberal media. He frames himself as a champion, when suddenly Iceman’s father stands up in the crowd and calls Creed out for his prejudices. Bobby feels pride that his bigoted father would take the time to stand up for mutants.

At the mansion, Joseph flies through Rogue’s window while she is sleeping. Joseph insists that she come to the sub-basement with him, but she wants to get dressed first. Outside, Bishop and Wolverine are sitting by a fire. Bishop wonders what he should do next since he has fulfilled his ultimate goal of discovering and defeating the X-traitor. Wolverine tells him he just has to live, when they both notice Gambit staring into the distance. Gambit attacks Joseph; Joseph tries to explain that he may’ve found a way to cure Rogue’s powers, but Gambit insists it will just lead to disappointment. The two fight for a couple of pages before Rogue breaks them up and chastises them for acting jealous. Rogue flies away, and Gambit and Joseph make up.

We end on a scene with J. Jonah Jameson’s wife Marla telling him to stop working and go to bed. Outside the office we see that Havok is observing Jameson with intentions to kill him.

How It Was: Well, this is mostly a filler issue. Probably the most significant event is the revelation of Gambit showing his respects for the Morlock Massacre. Since the last anniversary was in Uncanny #325 thirteen months ago, I don’t know how that works in Marvel time. Still this is a pretty big clue that Gambit was somehow involved when he worked for Sinister. While the scene of the graves underground in the sewer is a little absurd, it works really well as a nice visual. And it is nice to see Storm acknowledge her failures with the Morlocks.

The rest isn’t quite as interesting. Iceman is apparently watching to see if Creed does something illegal, but that doesn’t explain why he’s helping Creed. Seriously, Creed calls Bobby his best volunteer, so what is Bobby doing to earn this title? Other than that it’s more of the same from Creed. I have to say that a lot of the dialogue does feel a lot more relevant in post 9/11 America. Seeing a conservative politician justifying racial profiling and speculating on the fears and paranoia of regular Americans, all while blaming the “liberal media” for calling him a fear monger, feels very familiar in a world of Tea Party politics and “Ground Zero” Mosque distortion. Having Mr. Drake come to the defense of mutants is okay, and he draws some good parallels, but it comes completely out of nowhere. I mean Bobby’s dad hasn’t been in the book since Uncanny X-Men #319; we’re at Uncanny #339 at this point, and that isn’t even including the Age of Apocalypse issues. So we’re picking up on a two-year-old side-character arc with absolutely no buildup… fantastic.

The fight between Gambit and Joseph is just weird and poorly handled. It seems obvious that Gambit is jealous, and emotional from visiting the Morlock graves, but he still comes off as a jerk to a guy who didn’t do anything wrong and is trying to help the woman he loves. Gambit’s portrayal towards Joseph is so inconsistent in the X-titles; sometimes he’s telling Joseph to forget the sins of the past and that redemption is possible, while other times he’s just like, “Hey, you were Magneto! Blah, blah, blah!” It’s actually a cool looking fight, but there is no emotional investment since there isn’t any decent motivation behind it.

Bernard Chang fills in this month. His style is a little more cartoony than usual, but it’s okay. He does accidentally draw regular Wolverine when he should be drawing mutated troll-Wolverine, and he insists on putting both Storm and Rogue in midriff tops, which is quite unnecessary. Rogue’s outfit is especially absurd since she insisted on getting dressed and then puts on fewer clothes than she had on in bed, with a half-shirt and short shorts.

The X-Men books have felt like filler since the end of Onslaught, and this continues the trend. Yes, once again the final issue sets up the next issue of Uncanny, but that’s about it. I can’t say that I really care about anything going on at this point, and a lot of the character motivations feel off to me.

D-

Uncanny X-Men #338

Uncanny X-Men #338
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira and Salvador Larroca

What Went Down: Archangel is laid up in the fetal position on the floor in pain. He is visited by Ozymandias, servant of Apocalypse. Ozymandias explains that Warren’s transformation into Archangel was only the beginning of Apocalypse’s greater plan. As Warren screams, his metal wings shatter, revealing his original organic feather wings.

In the Danger Room the X-Men are running tests on Joseph that involve measuring his responses to a simulation of the original X-Men battling Magneto. Joseph is taken aback by the old Magneto’s anger, but he has no connection to it, just emptiness. Jean takes this as a good sign, but Joseph worries that he may repeat his sins if he cannot remember them. Joseph asks Scott and Jean why the X-Men have taken him in after he has spent so many years trying to kill them as Magneto. Gambit and Jean explain that Xavier instilled in them the belief that no one is beyond redemption.

Psylocke takes the time to show up by teleporting through the shadows. Since she’s never done this before, all of the other X-Men are surprised, but she doesn’t seem to understand. She tells the X-Men that Archangel is missing and shows them one of the feathers that she found.

Warren finds himself drawn to a church in Brooklyn for reasons beyond his understanding. Inside the church, the Legacy-infected Pyro is in a confessional talking to a priest about needing to warn someone about a mysterious woman.

At a Graydon Creed rally in San Diego, Iceman, aka Robert Drake, has infiltrated Creed’s staff under the alias…sigh, Drake Roberts. He encounters J.Jonah Jameson of the Daily Bugle who tells him off for having his candidate prey on people’s fears and prejudices for votes. Drake is suitably impressed with Jameson and runs into another campaign employee, Carly Alverez. She introduces Iceman to Samson Guthry, who is really the X-Man Cannonball aka Sam Guthrie…groan.

The X-Men are assembled in the Blackbird on their way to help Warren, who bursts out of the now-flaming church’s window carrying the priest. His wings surprise all the X-Men, but they don’t have time to question him. Pyro has lost control of his powers because of the Legacy Virus. Joseph uses his powers to restrain Pyro in metal, and threatens to crush him if he does not stop. Wolverine scolds Joseph for threatening someone with a terminal disease. Pyro tries to explain about a group that has big plans, but the ground sucks him up, most probably because of the mutant Avalanche. The X-Men ponder Pyro’s fate, and the priest chimes in that he has finally found peace. Archangel worries about why he has his old wings back and how this plays into Apocalypse’s plans.

How It Was: Tell me if you’re sick of having me write this, but here we have another potentially interesting plotline that gets all but abandoned completely. I can respect that Lobdell is trying to do something different with a character that hasn’t had the spotlight all that much. Going off the setup from the end of Onslaught of a potential Apocalypse story, this seemed at the time that it might be going somewhere pretty good. But it doesn’t, and the plot point is all but dropped until the 2000s in the new X-Force series. Oh well. The overt symbolism of the church doesn’t really help matters that much; we get it, he’s an angel, he’s reborn, yadda yadda yadda. But there is an interesting bit with Pyro that sets up some future storylines…in X-Factor. Yes this a period of time where events were happening in the completely wrong X-books, as if you couldn’t tell by stories like the Beast being rescued in X-Factor during Onslaught.

Speaking of which, the Graydon Creed subplot has taken a turn for the stupid with Iceman and Cannonball infiltrating under the stupidest aliases in comics’ history. Spider-Man’s Jameson is still hanging around for some reason decrying the tactics of Graydon Creed. I get that Jameson’s character is supposed to have a lot of integrity when he’s not dealing with his most-hated Spider-Man, but is he really the right choice to be preaching for tolerance and open-mindedness? Also, it’s a little vague what Cannonball and Iceman are supposed to be doing. Are they protecting Creed, trying to dig up dirt, sabotaging the campaign? They just don’t seem to have any purpose. And I’m pretty sure that the X-Men already know that Graydon Creed is the son of Sabretooth and Mystique, so isn’t it about time to start making that information known?

The fight with Pyro is okay, if brief. I like that Joseph uses less than kosher methods to get Pyro to stop, even if he was bluffing, but it feels really out of character for Wolverine to be the one chastising him. Psylocke’s new powers are well-handled, but the thought of more changes to Psylocke makes me want to jump off a bridge; I’m not excited for this at all. This is a really great issue for Joseph and the rest of the X-Men as far as building him up as a believable member of the team. While Rogue’s absence is strange, I like seeing him interact with the other members, and it is interesting to see him interact with his own dark history. This is par for the course for a Scott Lobdell comic; the character work is great, but the plot structure leaves a lot to be desired as most of it goes nowhere or becomes forgotten.

B-

Uncanny X-Men #331

Uncanny X-Men #331
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Bryan Hitch

What Went Down: We open on the members of X-Force (they’re still living at the mansion?) searching through debris in the middle of a laboratory fire. They are looking for the Beast, but unbeknownst to them, the X-Men’s Beast has been replaced by the Dark Beast from the Age of the Apocalypse, and the fire is being used to cover any differences in his personality. Shatterstar does note that he sounds different, and he is vehement about not going down to the medical station, but nobody questions him.

In her New York apartment, Emma Frost discovers that Iceman has filled her private office with ice. He demands that she sit down to talk. In Colorado, Gambit and Bishop are standing outside, and Bishop tells the story of the first time he saw trees. Inside Xavier wonders about these two X-Men, and why there are so many mysteries about them. Archangel tells the Professor that he’s not returning to Westchester so he and Betsy can recover from their injuries.

Iceman demands that Emma help him master his powers so he can heal the chunk missing from his chest. When she refuses, he starts by freezing the blood flow to her brain. Elsewhere, Scott and Jean have managed to locate the place where the X-Men were brought in X-Men #50. Unfortunately there is a huge crater where the forest should be, and there is absolutely no evidence of Onslaught whatsoever.

Outside Emma’s office, Jubilee and Banshee notice all of the ice forming. Jubilee asks if they should get involved, but Banshee thinks it best for them to resolve it themselves. Bobby shackles Emma with ice, but she continues to taunt him. Using her telepathy, Emma makes Bobby’s father, his ex-girlfriend Opal, and the Beast appear to distract and frustrate him. Iceman explains these illusions can’t work because he is confident in who he is, so Emma tells him to just change back to human form.

Iceman changes back to human form without dying, and Emma apologizes for messing with Bobby. She explains that she felt guilty about the Hellions’ deaths, and it angered her to see him squander his powers when her students weren’t alive to enjoy theirs.

How It Was: This finally resolves the multi-years long arc of Iceman’s frustration with his powers. After this issue, we no longer see him asking people if they consider him a loser or whining about how much he’s wasted his potential. And that in it of itself is very nice. It’s a very roundabout way of doing it, by having Lobdell rehash every Bobby character and relationship beat for the last three years, but the important thing is that it is finally done, and Bobby can move on. I do like how Iceman just gets fed up after receiving his potentially life altering wound, and it’s been a while since we’ve seen Bobby stand up for himself. I don’t quite buy Emma’s excuse for messing with Bobby tying into the deaths of the Hellions; this seems to be Lobdell’s way of writing it off while making her look sympathetic, instead of looking like the manipulative ball buster she should be.

The sequence with Archangel telling Xavier that he’s taking a break is far too drawn out and melodramatic for its own good. It seems unnecessary for Xavier to question Gambit and Bishop’s loyalty, and Warren comes out of left field by accusing Xavier of being manipulative. Although this turns out to be retroactively accurate due to Xavier being Onslaught, without that context it feels forced. Gambit and Bishop yet again pay lipservice to the traitor storyline because that’s being resolved soon. And the “clues” about Onslaught’s power that Scott and Jean discover are completely inconsequential, so you can forget them.

This issue is nothing spectacular, but parts of it do work well. Plus there are some great scenes with Emma verbally abusing Iceman which are a lot of fun.

C+

X-Men #50

X-Men #50
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

See X-Men Unlimited #10 next.
 
What Went Down: Cyclops wakes up tangled in a tree, in his underwear, and without his visor. Storm gets him out, but notes that she has some broken ribs and a twisted ankle. Wolverine comes to, and comments that he wasn’t even at the mansion when he was ambushed, while Storm discovers that Iceman has a huge chunk missing from his chest.

At the mansion, Xavier wakes up to Gateway spinning a portal in Xavier’s room, seemingly trying to abduct him. Xavier also happens to be narrating this issue as well. Bishop bursts in shooting his guns, but Gateway deflects the shots. Jean follows and subdues Gateway; Bishop remarks that it seems as if Gateway wanted to be stopped. Back in the mystery forest, Cyclops is trying to get Iceman to calm down, but Bobby is panicking because of the hole in his chest. He wonders if he’ll ever be able to return to human form.

Wolverine and Storm scout ahead, and Wolverine senses something invisible following them. Logan manages to disable its cloaking device temporarily, and Storm mistakes the threat for Onslaught. Actually this is Post, the herald of Onslaught. He is testing the X-Men to collect data for Onslaught. After knocking the X-Men away, Post fixes his cloaking device and disappears again.

At the mansion, Beast talks to Banshee about the disappearance of Chamber last issue. In an example of horrible planning, after abducting Chamber, Gateway ended up immediately depositing him back at the school, so last issue’s seemingly significant clue is now a dud. Suddenly an outline of Onslaught appears before the X-Men, causing discomfort for the Professor and Jean.

Cyclops and Iceman meet up with Storm and Wolverine to discuss their plan. They pretend to argue and fight, but really they are positioning themselves to attack the only area in the clearing large enough for Post to be in. How Cyclops and Iceman know the size of Post, I’ll never know. Post looks defeated, but he wakes up and conducts his powers through Iceman. Storm has to put him out with a blizzard.

At the mansion, Beast figures out that Onslaught is testing the X-Men. He comes to this conclusion because three of the X-Men taken were energy wielders, whatever that has to do with anything, and finds it interesting that Onslaught had to abduct the X-Men when he should be powerful enough to storm the mansion. He also figures that the captive X-Men were taken to a source of power.

As Post is about to kill Cyclops and Wolverine, Storm senses something unnatural about the forest around them. She tells Iceman to attack everything in the environment, which in some way weakens Post. Iceman chills Post’s brain, and Cyclops finishes him off with an optic blast. This results in the X-Men teleporting back to the mansion for some reason. Onslaught contacts Gateway to tell him that he overestimated the X-Men because they could barely stop Post, the weakest of Onslaught’s soldiers. Then Onslaught threatens the X-Men, saying that no one can stop him, before disappearing.

How It Was: More double-sized comics…NOOOOO! This particular one comes with a spiffy shiny wraparound cardboard stock cover. Oh, nineties comics gimmicks… thank God you’re not still around because comics are already expensive enough nowadays.

This is the first significant mention we’ve had of Onslaught since Uncanny #322, when we learned Onslaught beat up the Juggernaut. It’s also the first appearance of Post, who has the second worst villain name ever, next to Sack of Gene Nation. Because at this point the X-Office was still trying to figure out who or what Onslaught was going to be, this issue is very vague, and the hints it does give turn out to be inconsequential. Post, for example, has no major function during the Onslaught crossover other than fighting a few random heroes.

The sequence of Beast making scientific observations about Onslaught’s plan is one of the worst scenes ever as none of his conclusions make any sense or serve a purpose. Why does Beast have to figure out they’re being tested when the captive X-Men could just tell them the same thing after they get back?

In fact, this entire issue doesn’t make a lot of sense, before or after you learn that Xavier is Onslaught. The whole sequence with Chamber being captured and sent back reeks of poor planning on the part of the writers, and there’s no reason for Onslaught to tell Gateway to abduct Xavier, since he is Xavier. The narration of the issue also seems to indicate that Xavier hasn’t yet been decided upon as the identity of Onslaught, although you could read it as Onslaught being a repressed part of Charles’ mind. And why does Onslaught even bother to test the X-Men when Xavier’s been doing that for years? It seems as if he’s just screwing with them for the sake of being malicious because I can’t think of another reason. Even the fight with Post doesn’t make a lot sense. How is the environment tied to Post? Why would anybody open themselves up to that kind of weakness?

There are far too many plot holes that never get filled. Most of the issue is padded with various members of the X-Men threatening Gateway to talk when he is effectively a mute, and their two telepaths are just sitting there.  We also never learn why Gateway is working for Onslaught or what his overall purpose is with abducting various characters. It’s a shame because the setup of the story is rather good with a bunch of handicapped X-Men forced to fight one of Onslaught’s weapons. There’s not a lot to care about within this issue. All we get is the introduction of a C-list villain with Onslaught threatening the heroes from behind the scenes like a Bond villain or something. It’s not very impressive at all.

C-

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #2

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #2
Writing: John Ostrander
Art: Bryan Hitch and Sal Vellute

What Went Down: At Reverend Connover’s ministry, the police are questioning William as well as recapping readers on the events of last issue. Connover in turn delivers some exposition regarding the original issues where he met the X-Men in Uncanny #242-244. After walking away from the cops, he worries (or should I say “broods,” hee hee) over his wife some more.

Back in the desert, Hannah is still trying to convince the X-Men to kill her to prevent other people from getting hurt. Wolverine is game, but the rest of the X-Men refuse, so Hannah orders her Brood servants to attack. Jean tells them that Hannah told the aliens not to kill anyone, so they know this is meant to be a distraction.

After the Brood retreat, the X-Men split up to find her. Each of the pairs restates their views on the conflict: Bishop explains that in the future some Brood are good, Jean tries to convince Wolverine that any trace of humanity is worth saving, Beast ponders over the scientific potential of Hannah, Iceman and Wolverine think it might be worth listening to Hannah, and Cannonball thinks this might be a genuine miracle.

Hannah’s Brood catch-up with her just as a new squad of Brood elite does as well. Hannah’s Brood are all killed off. Wolverine and Jean find her just in time, followed by the rest of the X-Men. There’s another big fight. Iceman tries to save some of the “good” Brood with his powers, while Cannonball flies Hannah away from the fight. The Brood Elite give chase while the X-Men take the time to debate their plan some more. Wolverine is still gung ho on killing her, but the rest of the X-Men don’t want to take the easy path.

The Brood decide to kidnap Hannah’s husband to use as bait. Hannah senses her husband’s distress, turns into a Brood herself, and knocks Cannonball unconscious. Jean senses Cannonball pass out, and the X-Men set out to find Hannah. In a cave, William comes face-to-face with his wife in alien-form. Surprisingly, he isn’t repulsed and sticks by his oath to love his wife no matter what she is. Hannah tries to fight off the Firstborn Brood, but she is injured. As they are about to be killed, William and Hannah are saved by the X-Men.

Jean comes up with a plan, with the help of Beast and Iceman, to cryogenically freeze Hannah so she won’t have to die, but the Brood will think she’s dead. While the rest of the X-Men hold off the Brood, Iceman pulls it off, and the remaining Brood kill themselves because they think their job is done.

In the epilogue, the X-Men explain that Hannah has to stay frozen until she can be cured somehow. Beast suggests sending her to Muir Isle. At his ministry, Connover gives a sermon about tolerance, love, and hope. An effigy of Jesus appears on the crucifix in the last panel with the X-logo and ‘The End,’ making it look like Jesus is one of the X-Men.

How It Was: Well after the huge moral conflict set up last issue, the X-Men manage to cheat their way out of either choice with a last minute plot twist. To my knowledge there isn’t a story where Hannah is cured, although it could have occurred in Excalibur somewhere. For all I know, Hannah is still sitting around in a drawer at SHIELD or something, waiting to be thawed out.

As for the issue, the first half of it is basically a retread of everything from the last issue. We get the first issue recapped, all the X-Men drive into the ground the reasons they want to save or kill Hannah, Hannah keeps thinking about how guilty she is, her servants sacrifice themselves for her again, and the X-Men fight some more Brood. All of this redundancy really could have been avoided if the story had been contained to one issue, or two regular sized issues. After thirty or so pages, we get it: Wolverine thinks she should die, so we can move on now.

The second half of the issue works a lot better. Hannah’s husband is kidnapped, so there’s some investment in whether he’s going to survive or even accept her. Hannah is wounded to build some tension. And the final fight does have some cool moments to it, especially Iceman pushing a huge ice stalagmite through a Brood as he tries to get to Hannah. Ostrander even manages to get some emotional mileage out of the end when Jean telepathically tells William that he can’t let Hannah know what is going on, or the Brood will read her mind. The final battle works really well; it’s unfortunate that Hannah’s fate is never resolved.

Hitch had some problems finishing this issue up, so Vellute is sent in—a name I am wholly unfamiliar with. Even the panels that are clearly Hitch seem a little more rushed than last issue; he has some problems with people’s noses, especially Wolverine’s. This story is nice and straightforward, but I can’t get past the feeling that over half of this issue is unnecessary as far as advancing the plot goes.

C-

Sabretooth Special #1

Sabretooth Special #1
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Gary Frank

What Went Down: After escaping the X-Men in Uncanny #328, Sabretooth encounters current X-Force member, and former Morlock, Caliban. Sabretooth taunts Caliban, saying that X-Force won’t allow him to be himself. When Caliban hesitates, Creed electrocutes him with some nearby electrical wires.

We learn that the X-Men squad tasked to capture Sabretooth is made up of the five original X-Men. Jean scans the city telepathically, but for some reason Creed’s head wound now makes it harder for telepaths to find him. Cyclops and Iceman go to one of Sabretooth’s apartments to see if he shows up there. He does, and beats up the two X-Men before escaping. Iceman pursues, but he is forced to ice off Creed’s escape after Sabretooth takes a hostage.

Sabretooth escapes to a subway, but wouldn’t you know it, the Beast coincidentally happens to be on board. So they fight as well. As Sabretooth is about to kill Beast Cyclops shows up in the nick of time, so Creed runs away again.

This time Archangel catches up to him and grabs him off the ground, believing that Creed will have nowhere to go in the air. Sabretooth damages one of Warren’s wings, causing both of them to fall, but Iceman manages to save Warren with some ice. While Iceman takes Archangel to the hospital, the rest of the X-Men continue the search.

Jean manages to pick up some thoughts from Sabretooth, and learns that he is trying to get to Boston to kill the Generation X kids. She finds him, and knocks him around with her telekinesis. Cyclops blasts him, but he gets faked out and pulled through a window. The X-Men give him a lecture on why it is important to be good as they fight him, all the while asking Sabretooth what he wants and why he is doing this. Jean gets a hold of him telekinetically, and Cyclops realizes that the thing Sabretooth wants is his own death. Jean drops Creed, and Cyclops has to shoot him in the head to stop him from hurting some cops.

Creed seems to die, but we all know that isn’t going to last. Val Cooper packs him up so that he can join X-Factor. Cyclops tells his friends that it’s sad that Sabretooth technically won since he got what he wanted.

How It Was: Fabian Nicieza returns to the X-Men for this special one-shot, with its shiny cover and lack of advertisements. Yes, this is the same format that the Age of Apocalypse one-shots had, except this doesn’t feel nearly as epic an event as those did. This feels like a genuine attempt at a cash grab since all of the gimmicks feel completely unnecessary. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have no ads, but this comic is definitely not worth five bucks.

This isn’t to say that this comic is bad;  this just doesn’t really feel like that pivotal of an event for the X-Men. Nicieza does manage to present a really neat portrait of Sabretooth. Instead of revealing Sabretooth’s motivations, Nicieza leaves them up in the air and this actually works to some degree. It’s also frustrating to have months and months of set up be brushed aside as "Creed was faking it" for unknown reasons. What is neat to see is all the other characters guessing at his motivations: he’s angry, he’s enjoying his freedom, he’s planning revenge, or maybe he wants to die. The whole idea of the book seems to be that nobody knows what Sabretooth wants, including himself, and there is kind of an interesting idea in that which doesn’t get fully explored here.

The original X-Men are an odd choice for the stars of this one-shot. Surely characters like Wolverine, Gambit, and Bishop have closer ties to Sabretooth and thus would have been more interesting to bring into conflict with him. I guess that Nicieza was looking for X-Men to combat Creed’s philosophies as well as his body. But I really like the dynamic he has with Jean Grey where, like Wolverine, he respects her because she is willing to do what is necessary to him because she hates him as much as Logan does. And the scene where Archangel gets his wing broken is pretty shocking, but unfortunately leads to months of him complaining about how much his wing hurts. There’s a little too much sermonizing from the X-Men on the importance of control and knowing one’s purpose, but that’s them taking the high ground; it would be weird if these particular X-Men were only throwing insults back at him.

The real problem with the plot is that it’s trying to set up Sabretooth as this psychopathic killer that needs to be captured before he can kill hundreds of people, but then he never kills anybody. He has plenty of opportunities with the X-Men, Caliban, police officers, various hostages and random people, but he always lets them go. This probably has to do with the Comics Code, but it really cuts the drama to have a violent killer who forgoes every opportunity he has to kill.

The end is completely anti-climactic since we all know that Sabretooth can heal himself, so why even go through the motions of pretending he’s dead? And the fact that the telepaths can’t track him, but can read his mind just enough for plot convenience is a little contrived. But this is still a pretty good chase scene for a character that did play a significant role in the X-Men for a time. The plot isn’t exactly revolutionary, and this probably didn’t need to be double-sized, but it does get the job done with some decent action.

C+

X-Men #47

X-Men #47
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: The X-Babies find themselves in Little Italy after running away from Gog and Magog last issue. A priest stops to help them and this affords them a chance to recap the plot. Gog and Magog show up, and the X-Babies keep running.

The club from last issue has been completely destroyed, but Bishop and Gambit were somehow able to survive and blow themselves out of the rubble. Gambit reasserts that he would never willingly hurt the X-Men, but Bishop brushes him off so they can go look for the X-Babies.

At the bookstore, Baby Storm and Baby Iceman are fighting with each other, but Jean uses her powers to hide them from the crowd. The X-Babies convince the two X-Men to help them; Iceman mentions that they aren’t real, but Jean detects psionic imprints, so even if they started out as artificial lifeforms, they are alive now.

The rest of the X-Babies hide in a carnival stuffed animal shelf while Gog and Magog tear the carnival apart. Gambit and Bishop show up to save the day, but the fight ends with the X-Men pinned. The X-Babies decide to help fight back with water pistols and a mallet. Then Jean and Bobby show up with rest of the X-Babies to help out. They freeze the bad guys, but the bad guys break out. Magog is about to eat all the X-Babies when a blinding light interrupts him. The light came from former X-Man and current co-leader of Mojoworld, Dazzler.

Gog and Magog refer to her as “your majesty” but Dazzler insists that she has no role in the new political structure; she teleports the two minions away after chastising them. Dazzler then tells the kids that they can live with her and Longshot until the political situation stabilizes in Mojoworld. The X-Men share pleasantries with Dazzler, and Jean interrupts Iceman from asking about all the mouths to feed. As the X-Babies teleport away, Jean tells Iceman that she didn’t sense any life within Alison, inferring that she had a miscarriage. At the mansion, Xavier summons Tabitha Smith, aka Boomer, to explain to her that he is turning Sabretooth over to the government in Uncanny #328.

How It Was: Well…this is something different. Scott Lobdell tries to lighten things up a little with the X-Babies, but the problem is that none of the humor is particularly clever, or for that matter funny. All of the jokes revolve around the cuteness and immaturity of the X-Babies, which can be hilarious when done right: see Runaways’ Molly Hayes. But none of these jokes are really funny, although Kubert’s representations are cute enough to make you smile when you see them.

As for the rest, well we’ve dumped most of the characterization for faster paced action, but it’s action against Gog and Magog, so I can’t imagine anybody caring. And the whole thing resolves itself anti-climactically when we learn that the two minions mixed up their orders. Seeing Dazzler is kind of neat, except it’s only for about three pages—enough time for the X-Men to say hi real quickly. And I never understood why Jean assumes Dazzler had a miscarriage; she hasn’t been seen for thirty-six issues, surely that’s enough time in comic time for a pregnancy to come to term. Heck, Ka-Zar and Shanna’s pregnancy happened almost entirely off-panel, and then that baby just kind of disappeared. But I digress.

This is a very weird story that doesn’t work because it isn’t all that funny and it wraps up a little too neatly for its own good. Really it’s a bit of a disaster, but the art is nice.

D

X-Men #46

X-Men #46
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Gambit is taking Bishop out for a night at an underground gambling establishment that he knows of. Bishop doesn’t take kindly to being frisked at the door, so he beats up the bouncers. It’s quite clear he does not view this as a fun night out.

At the same time, Iceman is helping Jean shop for books for her niece and nephew. Actually he’s using this opportunity to talk about his self-confidence issues with his powers. In an underground base in the mid-west, some soldiers are investigating the disappearance of fifteen scientists while talking to Senator Kelly. All of the computer screens have the words “Onslaught” on them.

At the club, Gambit asks Bishop whether he still thinks Gambit might be the traitor; Bishop admits that he trusts that Gambit’s intentions are pure, although he still thinks Gambit might turn out to be the traitor.

At the gambling tables some of the patrons feel something rubbing against their legs. They pull out guns, look under the tables, and discover the X-Babies. Two of the gamblers threaten to kill the X-Babies, but they defend themselves with their powers. When people try to intervene, Gambit and Bishop take it upon themselves to protect the children.

At the bookstore, Bobby asks Jean to check his mind for signs of Emma Frost. After discussing the progress of her own powers in comparison to Bobby’s, the two are interrupted by the Iceman and Storm X-Babies. In South America outside a barn, a young woman comes across an unconscious Magneto.

After Bishop and Gambit finish off the mob, the children tell them that they are on the run from Gog and Magog. At that moment, the two Mojoworld villains appear from a portal announcing that they are going to cancel the X-Babies.

How It Was: Well Scott Lobdell’s workload doubles as he takes over writing duties for standard X-Men as well as Uncanny. It’s obvious that with this first arc he is trying for a story with a lighter tone, since the last year of X-books has been killer diseases and post-apocalyptic wastelands. The problem is, he goes about doing this with the X-Babies.

Now the X-Babies—miniature child versions of the regular X-Men—began life in a short story by Chris Claremont, who was parodying the way that Marvel was capitalizing on the X-Men’s success with numerous spinoffs. Of course in the eighties there was only like two or three spinoffs and in the nineties there were a lot more.

Anyways, Lobdell’s take on the X-Babies doesn’t seem to be trying to satirize anything. Instead, he’s playing them straight as children with super powers, which is fine, but it isn’t very interesting or funny. All of the jokes revolve around the children adorably begging for help and arguing with each other, or they revolve around X-Baby Cyclops’ lisp, which gets quite old. On top of that, we get a cliffhanger introducing D-list villains Gog and Magog for next issue, so there’s not a whole lot to look forward to with this story.

Iceman is still worrying about how little he’s done with his powers, a plot point that feels like it has been going on for years. The one shining character thread of this comic belongs to Gambit. After being rejected by Rogue for being unable to reveal aspects of his past, it’s interesting to see Gambit gravitate to Bishop, the other X-Man who doesn’t trust him. What we see is Remy hiding behind his scoundrel side while trying to see if he can convince Bishop that he is not a bad guy, in hopes that he might someday be able to do the same for Rogue and the rest of the X-Men. It’s rather touching to see such a subtle and complex reaction as the fallout from the last couple of issues of Gambit dealing with losing Rogue.

The art works really well, especially in terms of selling the seediness of the club that Gambit and Bishop go to. The X-Babies are suitably silly and adorable looking, even if they don’t have a lot to say or do. I would call this a disappointing debut for Lobdell on X-Men, which is unfortunate since he is capable of much better work. It’s hard to tell if he was caught unaware by Fabian Nicieza’s resignation (Nicieza left because he felt there was too much editorial interference), or if this was just a misfire.

D+