X-Men Unlimited #12

X-Men Unlimited #12

Writing: John Francis Moore

Art: Steve Epting and Ariel Olivetti

This takes place after Uncanny #335. After go back to Avengers #401 

.What Went Down:  Dr. Strange’s astral form approaches the X-Mansion, having sensed some great mystical disturbance or something.  Strange casts a spell and discovers that Onslaught did not kill the Juggernaut in X-Men #54, but rather he somehow trapped Cain Marko in the Gem of Cytorrak (in case you couldn’t tell from the cover).  This is strange because Onslaught’s powers are psionic, not mystical, but we’ll soon learn Onslaught can do anything.  While Strange contemplates this, a Chinese symbol appears from a computer screen and is about to attack Strange.  Strange is rescued by Gomurr the Ancient One, the little sage from Uncanny #329-330.  Apparently the symbol was a spider from Gomurr’s nemesis Tar.

Gomurr explains that having Marko in the gem is somehow more dangerous, but refuses Strange’s assistance.  He goes into the gem to look for Juggernaut.  Meanwhile, Cain is trying to free himself from the gem, which looks a lot like hell on the inside.  Some lava boils up and starts to burn him.  He passes out, but when he wakes up, he finds himself in a bed paralyzed.  Charles Xavier comes in and explains that Cain has been hallucinating.  When they fought in Korea, Cain was paralyzed when the Temple of Cytorrak came down, causing him to open a school for students with physical and psychological issues.  His X-Men appear as normal humans with different handicaps.  Gomurr interrupts the illusion, and the fake Xavier is revealed to be Spite, the sister of D’Spayre.  Gomurr chases her off with some magic. 

After freeing Cain, Gomurr explains that Cain no longer possesses his strength, but offers to lead him out.  The pair comes across a copy of the X-mansion carved in stone and enter it.  Inside Cain no longer has his armor and is forced to observe memories from his childhood.  They include Cain watching his dad and stepmom talking about how gifted Charles is as well as Cain’s attempt to blackmail his father with knowledge that Kurt Marko was responsible for the death of Charles’ father.  This results in Charles questioning them both, but Cain knocks over some chemicals and causes an explosion.  Kurt Marko dies saving Charles, and Cain blames him for taking his father.

Gomurr insists that Juggernaut’s path will only lead to the destruction of everything, followed by his own consumption.  Cain contemplates giving up his obsessive anger towards Charles.  However, before he can follow through, Spite reappears to offer Cain Charles’ death and the subjugation of all his enemies.  Gomurr warns that his need to destroy will overwhelm him and leave him utterly alone.  Spite restrains Gomurr and explains that long ago Gomurr and Tar were charged with containing the deity Cyttorak.  In order to defeat the being, they constructed the crystal, but neither could trust the other with the power, so they buried it in a temple in Korea.  Juggernaut goes with Spite to get his power back, leaving Gomurr behind and at the mercy of a mystery character.

Spite takes Cain before Cyttorak.  She is repaid by being eaten, and Cyttorak explains that he is going to try to leave the crystal in Cain’s body.  Cain tries to beat Cyttorak, but he doesn’t have his powers.  Gomurr, now freed, and Tar, the mystery person, team up to help Cain contain Cyttorak.  Unable to destroy the power, they give it to Cain, hoping he will defeat Cyttorak and that the X-Men will be able to contain him.  Cain destroys Cyttorak, destroying the dimension within the crystal.  Juggernaut reappears in the X-Men’s study, declaring how he’s bigger than ever.  Dr. Strange laments Cain’s short sightedness.

How It Was:  Oh cool, a Dr. Strange story in Unlimited!  While a needless cross promotion, this could still have potential…oh, wait…this isn’t a Dr. Strange story; it’s a Gomurr the Ancient One story.  To be fair, Gomurr is alright in his own right—he still gets a few funny lines in (like the one about being no relation to Dr. Strange’s Ancient One), but he’s just not that interesting to carry the story.  We do learn some of his history, only there just isn’t enough to make him stand out.  When Juggernaut calls him Yoda, he makes a good point about just how clichéd and derivative Gomurr is. 

Still there’s some good material for Juggernaut here.  Most of it has already been touched on, and like most Unlimited stories the book feels the need to go into one too many flashback sequences.  The idea that the Juggernaut is a curse and could be lifted if Cain let go of his obsession with Xavier has potential.  Plus the design for Cyttorak the god is pretty impressive.  The plot is a weighed down by an unnecessary appearance from Spite (maybe her last appearance had her trapped in the crystal?), and a long padded out sequence of events and flashbacks.  The end also only works in that magical deus ex sort of way; basically Cyttorak takes back Juggernaut’s powers, so Gomurr and Tar give the powers back and destroy Cyttorak (the deity appears decades later though). 

This may’ve been the first of its kind, but it feels like a slog that I’ve already read before—Juggernaut dealing with his jealousy, toying with overcoming it, then deciding not to.  It’s hard to root for Cain since he is such an alpha male bully douchebag.  This isn’t Moore’s fault, he’s writing him in character, it’s just frustrating to spend so many pages delving into the character, only to have absolutely nothing change at all.  Also, this issue has nothing to do with Onslaught.  If you’re a really big Juggernaut fan, hunt it down.  Otherwise just assume that he gets let out when Onslaught dies. 

Completists Only

Uncanny X-Men #330

Uncanny X-Men #330
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Jeph Loeb
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Archangel (now dressed in a kimono) and Wolverine (now dressed in a see-through mesh shirt!?) are being led to a secret, sacred area by Gomurr. The costumes are necessary because of tradition for something. Inside the building there are lots of dragon decorations and shadow ninja demons. Dr. Strange teleports in and Wolverine appears to stab him, but really he is attacking a ninja demon behind him. The demons are called undercloaks, and a big fight ensues with them.

At the Xavier Estate, Gambit is watching over the unconscious Psylocke, thinking about how she might know his secret. When Psylocke starts seizing, Gambit briefly considers letting her die to ensure his secret, but ultimately ends up calling Beast to help her because he is a hero.

Meanwhile, our heroes appear to be descending into what looks to be hell. Archangel is struggling because of his injury, and Dr. Strange suggests that he should go back. Warren refuses. The heroes come upon Tar, the Proctor of the Crimson Dawn. Tar already knows what they want, and Wolverine is ready to start a fight, but Gomurr stops him and instead tries asking for it. Tar appears to kill Gomurr, and another fight ensues.

Back at the mansion, Beast and Xavier are doing their best to save Betsy. While Wolverine attacks Tar, Dr. Strange shows Archangel a big glowing ball; the ball shows them that Betsy is about to die. Dr. Strange reaches into Archangel and pulls out a statue of Psylocke that is supposed to be, I kid you not, “the part of her soul that she has trusted to Warren.” Strange puts the statue in the glowing ball, and at the mansion Psylocke is bombarded by a red light that brings her back to life. Wolverine, Strange, and Warren are kicked out of the dimension, and Gomurr materializes to show that he is not dead. Strange remarks in his head that even though they won, the battle for Psylocke’s soul has only just begun.

How It Was: The first half of this issue is a very slight improvement over last issue. While most of the dialogue is still exposition, the mystical characters are given some humorous lines, like Gomurr’s explanation of how one becomes ‘Gomurr the Ancient’ or Tar’s exclamation “and people call me unstable” when he sees Wolverine fighting. And Gambit gets some nice moments where he is conflicted about Psylocke’s death because he doesn’t want the other X-Men to discover his secret.

Still the rest of the story is pretty weak, as is some of the dialogue; Beast tells Gambit that he is going to try his “gosh darndest” to save Betsy. Who would say that? Xavier’s dialogue is no better as he proceeds to dump a bunch of unnecessary exposition about Psylocke’s past injuries while he is trying to save her. Plus the sequence where Dr. Strange talks about the part of Betsy’s soul that she gave to Warren is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read in a comic book. Although both Loeb and Lobdell are credited as writers, I feel like it is safe to say that the dialogue was probably mostly Loeb’s responsibility, for better or worse.

Also, there’s still the problem that this still feels like a stock plot that you could plug any Marvel characters into. I can’t say that I really care about any of the new characters introduced in the story, and the story itself doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Why is the doorway to hell in a Chinese New Year decoration warehouse? Why is Wolverine wearing a see-through mesh shirt? Why is Dr. Strange here when Gomurr is perfectly capable of supplying all of the exposition? And don’t get me started on the weak attempt at conflict in the middle of the issue when Dr. Strange starts an argument over Archangel’s health.

So there’s not a lot to recommend in this issue, unless you’re a fan of super heroes in stories about magical macguffins that don’t fit the tone of the series.

D-

Uncanny X-Men #329

Uncanny X-Men #329
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Jeph Loeb
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: The Sorcerer Supreme Dr. Strange is observing Wolverine and Archangel with a cauldron. He announces that the X-Men will need his help whether they realize it or not. So right away we know we’re dealing with a story about magic.

In “Little Asia” Wolverine is leading Warren to a teahouse in search of a mystical maguffin to save Psylocke. Wolverine explains that there are aspects of this world that are unexplained but still exist. Warren complains the whole time that he should be by Betsy’s side and that Wolverine is probably losing it. Logan convinces him to stay, and right as Warren is about to drink his tea, Logan hits it away. The cup smashes on the ground and turns into a magic ninja shadow warrior thing.

The shadow warrior attacks, and Warren struggles to fight it due to his injured wing from the Sabretooth Special. Wolverine tells him that the creature is metal sensitive, but Archangel can’t seem to hurt it because all the parts he cuts off turn into separate demons. Wolverine stabs an old lady and the demon disappears. Archangel is convinced Wolverine just murdered an elderly woman, but Logan reaches inside the body and pulls out an ancient sensei-type named Gomurr the Ancient.

Gomurr and Wolverine seem to know each other, and we learn that the ghosts were a test. Wolverine tells Gomurr that they are after a pint of the Crimson Dawn from the Ebon Vein, but Gomurr refuses to help until Wolverine threatens him. Dr. Strange shows up at the end and tells them that he will be joining them on their journey.

How It Was: This is an odd turn of events. Instead of seeking out some kind of scientific medical treatment, Wolverine and Archangel go off on a mystical samurai buddy adventure. I have to say that the premise alone completely turns me off as I feel like it sets a bad precedent to save characters’ lives through magic. After all, it brings up the question of why they don’t do the same thing every time somebody is severely injured. Plus magic has never really been very central to the X-Men mythos, other than the more recent Decimation. It leads to a generic story that you could plug any two random Marvel heroes into and it would still feel the same.

Now Archangel and Wolverine aren’t bad choices since they’ve never gotten along, and they both care about Psylocke. Unfortunately their relationship doesn’t really grow in any meaningful way; Warren complains a lot until Wolverine is proved right, and then Warren apologizes. That’s it as far as fleshing out the relationship goes. Dr. Strange doesn’t feel necessary to this story other than to assist with the readers' acceptance of a story about magic.

And while the ghost ninja things look pretty cool, the story devolves into silliness when the driving force behind the story is revealed to be an elderly, ever-smiling little person. It’s ridiculous to look at, and completely erodes any drama set up by the potential death of Psylocke. Worse yet, we’re dealing with the Crimson Dawn, which is reminiscent of the Siege Perilous—a plot device dimension that alters characters in random ways (memory loss, new powers, teleportation, etc.) This is really weird, and really bad.

D-