X-Factor #126

X-Factor #126

Writing: Howard Mackie

Art: Stefano Raffaele

What Went Down:  Forge starts of this issue repaying Mystique and Sabretooth for saving him by painfully reactivating their inhibitors with technology around him.  They regroup with the rest of X-Factor to find that Havok and Random have been captured.  Polaris and Shard are left to guard the prisoners while the rest break up to look for Beast.

Mystique and Wild Child trade banter while overcoming some traps within the building, while Creed fights off some metal tendrils with Forge.  Forge deactivates them, and they continue on while Forge contemplates the series of strange orders Washington has been giving him, the most recent of which has been to work with Sabretooth.  Creed discovers the Beast hooked to manacles that shock him with every step taken on the floor.  Above, Fatale ambushes the two agents, but she is ambushed by Wild Child and knocked out. 

Outside, Polaris lectures Random for lying to her.  Random explains that Dark Beast was helping him control his powers and keeping him from becoming just a pile of goo.  In fact Dark Beast created the Random identity.  He also admits Dark Beast has been messing with Havok’s head. 

Once freed, Beast is eager to rejoin the X-Men to fight Onslaught.  Sabretooth notices that this Beast is actually Dark Beast.  Forge threatens to put Creed down, even though he acknowledges that Creed’s collar should be stopping him, and Wild Child confirms that it’s the Dark Beast.  Meanwhile Alex tricks Lorna into setting him free.  Random breaks out of his restraints in an attempt to save her from Havok.  Havok blasts Random, turning him to a puddle that oozes into the sewer.  Shard leaves Polaris to guard Havok while she goes after Random.  This gives Havok the perfect opportunity to knock out Polaris and admit his treachery. 

Back inside, Forge is still pointing a gun, convinced Sabretooth is attacking the real Beast.  Creed knocks down a wall, revealing the real Beast restrained in a different room.  Dark Beast still tries to convince Forge that he is the good one, but the original Hank McCoy attacks him and knocks him out. 

Shard returns to find Polaris unconscious and dying.  She gives CPR and tells Forge they need to get to the hospital.  Forge orders Fatale to teleport them all, and Dark Beast tells them to do it so that they can bid their time as prisoners, exactly where he wanted to be.

How It Was:  I’ve already written about how bizarre it is that the Beast/Dark Beast plot resolution appeared in, of all places, X-Factor.  So let’s forget about the randomness and ineptitude that lead to that decision and instead focus on the pay off.  After months of being held captive and chained up in a small room—after having dozens…potentially hundreds of people from his life, as well as innocent bystanders, murdered—Beast finally gets his payback on the cruel, sadistic version of himself.  So he kicks the villain once…and then the fight and issue are both over.  What??!!  It’s one thing to shunt the focus of the majority of this story to X-Factor, and Sabretooth and Mystique in particular, but to offer absolutely no satisfaction in the triumph of our hero who has been put through the ringer the last few months is the worst.  The absolute worst!  The only reason X-Men readers were picking up X-Factor was to see how Beast was rescued, and the abrupt and anticlimactic end robs the story of any sense of closure or gratification.  In fact Dark McCoy is gleeful to be captured, in regards to another conspiracy theory with no payoff.

Aside from the lousy Beast thread, nobody else comes out looking too great in this issue.  The plot decisions just seem antithetical to telling an interesting story.  The villains without restraints…that’s pretty cool, but it gets undone by the first page this issue.  Random’s betrayal…apparently he’s been working with Dark Beast since the beginning, retroactively tainting all his previous appearances.  Oh, and the tough bounty hunter is actually a teenager, which is a little weird and disappointing. 

If not for the Beast letdown, the worst offense would be the obvious ruse Havok uses on Polaris to get free, making her look all kinds of awful.  All she had to do was be patient and wait for the authorities to pick up the bad guys, but she frees Havok because…?  Similarly Forge refuses to believe both Sabretooth and Wild Child about Dark Beast, even though they have no reason to lie, and Creed’s inhibitor is letting him hurt the Beast.  Everything is just too predictable…it’s no fun if the audience expects what is going to happen.  It’s fun to have the villains pulling the strings, but not if the heroes are so obviously dumb that there’s no challenge or sense of tension. 

Completists Only

X-Factor #125

X-Factor #125

Writing: Howard Mackie

Art: Jeff Matsuda and Stefano Raffaele

These two issues take place prior to X-Men #55

What Went Down:  Dark Beast has taken Onslaught to his lab, and Onslaught is conducting a painful looking probe on McCoy.  Fatale tries to free her master, but fails miserably.  Former hero, and Cyclops’ brother, Havok shows up too, and Onslaught says he has plans for him.

Over at the Fall’s Edge base, X-Factor is being attacked by a training Sentinel that has somehow been reprogrammed.  Random suggests calling in the X-Men, but Forge orders Mystique to go free their “heavy-hitter” Sabretooth.  Mystique threatens to kill Sabretooth, but frees him anyway.  Both discuss how they are biding their time in X-Factor to fulfill their own agendas.  Creed mentions that Mystique might have feelings for Forge.  Suddenly Fatale appears and abducts both of them.  She also teleports the Sentinel away. 

Forge seems convinced one rogue Sentinel is more dangerous than a missing Mystique and Sabretooth, so he sets X-Factor to finding it.  Random tries to warn Polaris not to go on this mission.  Back at their base, the emergency transmission from Jean Grey warning about Onslaught plays for the empty room. 

X-Factor tracks the Sentinel’s signal to the abandoned Brand Corporation.  Havok and Fatale attack the team; Polaris is heartbroken that Alex has turned villain, while Random again tries to warn her away.  While Polaris shields everyone from Havok’s power, Random reveals that he is a traitor as well. 

Inside the Brand facility, Forge discovers an army of Sentinels.  He is attacked by someone off panel.  Outside, Polaris tries to reach Havok.  Fatale and Havok are about to kill the team, but Random protests about killing them.  Dark Beat appears to tell him the bargain has changed.  Forge and Onslaught’s henchman Post bursts through the wall, interrupting the proceedings and giving Polaris a chance to take out Havok.  Random tries to help Polaris, but Havok shoots him, revealing that Random is really a teenager.  Polaris again tries to reach Alex, and it appears to work; however, instead of trusting him, Polaris decides to knock him out.  Post grows bored and escapes, having succeeded in his mission to distract X-Factor long enough for the Sentinels to launch.

What Else Went Down:  The second story deals with what happens to Sabretooth and Mystique after being teleported.  After surviving a steep drop, the pair is confronted by the Dark Beast.  McCoy explains everything about Onslaught and holding his other self hostage.  Dark Beast wants them to join Onslaught, and offers to deactivate their inhibitors and let them kill Forge.  Mystique and Sabretooth consider it, but decide if they weren’t sanctioned operatives, they couldn’t use their positions for their own purposes. 

Sabretooth attacks Dark Beast; McCoy gets the upper hand, but Mystique uses her shape-shifting abilities to create pointy armor for herself.  Dark Beast almost kills both her and Forge, but Sabretooth saves them both and continues to fight.  Creed is about to kill him, but Forge stops him because they need information.  Dark Beast activates a teleporter, explaining that the real Beast will be dead before they can find him. 

How It Was:  A double-sized Onslaught tie-in issue.  How did I get so lucky?  After Peter David left X-Factor, the book struggled to find an identity.  No longer the quirky, funny book with the C-list X-Characters, it tried to become the edgy, violent book with C-list X-characters.  Too bad nobody at the X-offices realized that title was already called X-Force.  X-Factor’s attempt to stay interesting and relevant to fans was to have Mystique and Sabretooth recruited by the team and forced to work with more traditional mutant heroes. 

As for its attempt at ecking out its own identity, Mackie seems to be going the conspiracy angle with multiple characters having different conflicting goals and motivations, from the villains to the government funding X-Factor itself.  This is all well and good considering they are the government based X-team—why not introduce some X-Files like government conspiracies and political intrigue.  The problem of course exists that none of these motivations or conspiracies feel planned ahead; Sabretooth, Mystique, and Dark Beast all insist that they have specific reasons for the things they are doing, with no substantial hint as to what they might be.  Forge recognizes there might be strange motivations for including villains on the team, but again nothing is done with this. 

As an Onslaught tie-in, this story offers a unique opportunity to bring in new readers by showing how great and interesting the team is.  Instead we see a team that struggles to take down one Sentinel.  One!  And it’s a Sentinel that Forge was rebuilding.  Right off the start the X-Factor team isn’t looking great, especially when over in books like X-Men and Uncanny, the X-Men, Avengers, and FF are taking out Sentinels left and right by themselves. 

Another problem is how telegraphed the twists are.  Random warns Polaris twice that she shouldn’t go on the mission, and then we’re supposed to be surprised when he says he’s working for the villain of the issue?  None of this feels laid out or natural to the character as established.  Havok being a bad guy is interesting, since he is the character that became synonymous with X-Factor after the original X-Men left.  The downside is that his defection (at this point the story was that he was being brainwashed by Dark Beast) reduces Polaris to a simpering and whiny character that gets tiring after a while. 

This issue should feel bigger than it does: Post shows up for like four panels (?!), the Sentinels that attack New York are activated here, and Sabretooth and Mystique get their inhibitors deactivated.  Of course failing to stop the Sentinels makes the team look incompetent, and the other two things are quickly brushed to the side.  It feels like the plot is trying to cram in as many Onslaught related concepts in it as possible without actually contributing to or moving the story along in any meaningful way; of course, this was the main problem with the majority of Onslaught tie-ins.

Finally, we pick up on the captive Beast subplot that has appeared in all three X-Men titles.  Why the X-offices would choose to resolve this months’ long story in X-Factor is beyond me. None of the characters have a close connection with Hank; it just feels like the team had nothing better to do than resolve this plot line that has nothing to do with them.  Just some baffling choices.

Completists Only

X-Men Unlimited #10

X-Men Unlimited #10

Writing: Mark Waid

Art: Frank Toscano and Nick Gnazzo

This takes place after X-Men #50, but before Uncanny #331

What Went Down: Our story begins with a flashback to a young Hank McCoy fixing a school bus and annoying the heck out of Groundskeeper Willy.  The flashback is being retold by the former school principal, who is retelling the story with pride in the present at a hospital.  Unfortunately the principal’s visitor is the evil Hank McCoy from the Age of Apocalypse, who promptly suffocates the principal after learning everything he can about the Hank of this world.  As Dark Beast leaves the hospital, it is apparent that he’s killed everyone there, not just the principal, as he recounts his history up until now.

Meanwhile, the real Beast is using the Danger Room as a giant microscope to manipulate the molecules of the Legacy Virus for study.  Professor X and the other X-Men interrupt him to implore that he spend more time outside the lab.  In a secret lab, Dark Beast has hacked into regular Hank’s computer and is keeping track of his work.

Dark Beast meets with another person from Hank’s life—this time a former girlfriend named Mindy who recounts teenage Hank’s fixation with the robotics of a haunted tunnel ride.  As she tells the story, Mindy becomes ill, and Dark Beast reveals he infected her and the rest of the restaurant with a deadly virus. 

At the institute, Iceman is helping Beast with yet another experiment.  Bobby has to use his powers to keep a microscope from overheating, even though this eventually causes him pain.  The computer eventually overheats and blows up.  Afterwards, Bobby gets Hank to agree to leave the lab, but it’s a trick to get rid of him. 

Dark Beast then visits a priest who retells the origin of Hank’s fur to the villain.  The priest is repaid by having his church blown up.  After acquiring some files from the Brand Corporation, Dark Beast is able to turn his fur blue.  He heads to the home of Hank’s parents to learn more about the genuine article.  Evil Hank gets more of his origin filled in, pertaining to the radiation accident that may have given him the x-gene.  Both parents notice something wrong with their son, and just when it seems like Dark Beast might kill them both, he falters and leaves abruptly. On his way out of town, he kills a random passerby. 

As real Beast works on his computer, Dark Beast hacks his computer and leads him to the abandoned Brand Corporation.  Dark Beast traps regular Beast in a box and gloats about all the people in Hank’s life that he has killed.  Enraged Beast bursts free and a fight ensues.  Just when Beast has the upper hand, he realizes he is about to kill Dark Beast and lets up, allowing Dark Beast to knock him out.  When Hank wakes up, he is being bricked into a dungeon.  Beast begs him to let him go and help him cure the Legacy Virus, but the villain seals him in. 

How It Was:  Well when you have a dark version of a character hanging around a super hero universe, it is inevitable that he will end up facing his better self at some point.  While it’s not the most original set up for a comic story, Mark Waid wrote it, so there is actually a little substance to this tale.  Dark Beast is a problematic character because theoretically he shares the same temperament and personality with regular Beast, only without all the patience and ethical concerns; his vague fear of Mr. Sinister, who probably doesn’t know he exists at this point, seems unfounded.  Waid quickly defines the evil McCoy by making him a remorseless killer the likes of which we haven’t seen in the X-books up to this point.  Even when Sabretooth escaped and had a dozen chances to kill someone, he was never allowed to; compare that to Dark Beast who wipes out entire hospitals and restaurants full of people on a whim.  It’s off-putting, but the violence does serve a purpose.  Having racked up an enormous body count by the middle of the issue, I was almost certain Dark Beast was going to kill Hank’s parents, who are probably as crucial to the X-books as all the made-up characters from Hank’s life in this issue.  There is a marvelous sense of tension as Dark Beast reaches for the axe.  In fact, it might’ve ended up a more memorable story and cemented Dark Beast as a more palpable threat long term if he had gone through with it. 

Some of the flashbacks are a little hokey (why is Groundskeeper Willy at Hank’s school), but they establish that downhome mid-western Smallville charm that makes for an excellent contrast with the over-the-top violence of the Dark Beast.  Regular Beast’s experiments are shown for a little too long, and I don’t really get how an electron microscope can overheat and explode, but once he’s lead to the Brand Corporation, it’s worth it to see his reaction to Dark Beast’s remorseless crimes.  It’s unfortunate that most of this is forgotten after Onslaught because although he’s sort of derivative in terms of comics stories, Dark Beast would’ve made a more interesting obsession for Beast to focus on as opposed to the Legacy Virus plot that just kept going and going and going.

Waid injects personality and a hint of humor into the characters (I love the line about Bobby getting a 200 point lead in Scrabble).  And although the two Beasts couldn’t seem more different, Waid wisely uses the corny flashbacks to establish the commonality that both of them need to satisfy their own curiosities when it comes to how things work; Dark Beast just uses living people as opposed to machines and lab equipment.  Both are obsessed with figuring out how things work, and it’s a shame we aren’t given more of Dark Beast’s history to really drive home the similarities and differences.

This is probably one of the best issues of X-Men Unlimited I’ve ever read.  It feels like a narrower focused story, unburdened by the myriad of subplots that would undoubtedly be included in the main titles; however, for the first time most of the book doesn’t feel like padded filler.  Dark Beast seems like a genuine threat, even if he never does anything threatening or interesting while undercover at the X-Mansion.  This could’ve been the foundation for rehabilitating a contrived villain—it’s too bad it never was followed up on, so Dark Beast actually comes across in later appearances as C-level Mr. Sinister.  Still, this is quite a good one.

Everyone Should Read

X-Men #79

X-Men #79
Writing: Joe Kelly

Art: Germain Garica

What Went Down:  The issue opens on Officers Aguinal and Cleveland, who you might remember as the police officers Marrow beat up in X-Men #68, if you’re a fan of inconsequential background characters from comics.  The narration establishes that these two cops have had a string of bad luck since their run in with Marrow. 

Speaking of Marrow, she’s busy on the street terrorizing a young couple for calling her a freak.  After leaving the couple, we learn that Marrow is in a particularly foul mood.  Pursuing the young mutant is Storm and a healthy Callisto.  Both women are worried what Marrow might do since she is so angry.  We get a flashback of Marrow arguing with Storm.  Callisto interrupts to tell Marrow that she needs the young Morlock to stay with the X-Men.  Callisto tells Storm that she wants Marrow to have a shot at life.  Storm notes that Callisto makes a cryptic reference to her own safety, but Callisto ignores her.

Down in the Morlock tunnels, a shadowy figure is going to Callisto’s room to give her an injection.  Of course Callisto isn’t there, so this causes the figure to become angry, worrying about the effects on his agenda.  Marrow is off sulking in Battery Park over everybody leaving her.  Cannonball shows up to bring Marrow home.  Marrow is elated that he cares, but proceeds to attack him anyway.  Meanwhile the cops interview the attacked couple, and they both realize that the girl being described is Marrow.

At the mansion, Beast and Maggot are discussing Marrow’s disappearance.  Cecilia bursts in and yells at Maggot because his slugs have eaten her medical books and underpants.  While they fight, Beast wonders if there might be a better place for Maggott to develop his powers.  Above Manhattan, Storm and Callisto debate where Marrow belongs and whether someone can be helped if they don’t want it.  Callisto brings up how Storm tore out one of Marrow’s hearts, which angers the X-Man. 

Cannonball loses track of Marrow, so he pulls out a letter from his brother Josh to reread.  The letter says that Sam’s mother is very sick, and Sam needs to come home.  Marrow attacks Cannonball because she is angry that he is leaving, and the two fight for a bit.  Cannonball explains to Marrow that she isn’t the only one to suffer loss, and the two police officers show up to arrest Marrow.

Maggott chastises his slugs for eating Cecilia’s books and not destroying the evidence.  Beast comes in and suggests to Maggott that he might learn to control his slugs if he were to join Generation X in Massachusetts.

Marrow attacks Officer Cleveland, and Cannonball tries to explain that the cops are just doing their jobs.  Marrow remembers her own anger when she heard Sam on the phone describing how he was leaving.  She asks the officers if they’ve lost anything, and they describe their bad luck and the fear and uncertainty that has gripped them ever since being injured by Marrow. 

Storm and Callisto show up, and Marrow realizes she doesn’t want to be a monster.  Callisto shares a final moment with Marrow before leaving, and Storm vows to be Marrow’s teacher and ally.  Cannonball offers to take Marrow home, and the X-Men fly off.  The two cops decide to return to their old beat, realizing that the monsters aren’t so bad, and we catch a glimpse of the mysterious shadow figure.  He is excited that Marrow has been left alone with the X-Men.

How It Was:  This is the conclusion to Marrow’s drastic redemptive character arc, and although it’s pretty overt and on the nose, it’s still pretty good.  Yes the lesson that actions have consequences and everyone suffers loss seem obvious, but looking at a young girl raised away from civilization, deprived of things we take for granted, it’s just about believable.

Kelly’s dialogue and character interactions are phenomenal.  From Callisto and Storm’s debate that shows their distaste and mutual respect perfectly to Marrow’s naive teenage perceptions of unfairness in the world, every word feels just right.  I love how Storm is meant to confront the perceptions she has of herself in light of the way Marrow fits into her life.  Still, my favorite moment is Maggott yelling at his slugs, and then forcing them to finish off the doctor’s books. 

The inclusion of the two cops from issue #68 seems pretty random and unnecessary, since Marrow has Cannonball to juxtapose her life against and the couple on the street to feel remorseful about, but I guess it does bring closure in a weird way to her first “heroic” act in an X-Men comic.  It’s unclear whether Cleveland and Ag were injured by Marrow, or randomly injured in Operation Zero Tolerance in their flashbacks; obviously it doesn’t matter since Kelly is just laying it on thick for Marrow to learn her lesson.  I can’t really stand these whiny cop characters, but they’re tolerable for one issue.

This issue is notorious for hanging plot threads.  The mysterious creature experimenting on Callisto never gets resolved to my knowledge, just forgotten.  My understanding from interviews is that it was meant to be Dark Beast, in case you’re curious.  Also, it’s clear that Kelly intended for Maggott to join Generation X, but the character only makes a guest appearance in an issue or two before fading into Marvel character limbo. 

This issue is light on action, but heavy on solid characterization.  It’s a shame that this is the last we see of Cecilia and Maggott on the team since there was so much potential left unexplored with those two.  And I personally thought Maggott was really funny.  Still, I think Kelly is to be commended for creating a believable redemption for Marrow, goofy cop characters not withstanding.

B+

Uncanny X-Men Annual '97

Uncanny X-Men Annual ‘97
Writing: Jorge Gonzalez
Art: Duncan Rouleau

What Went Down: Most of the setup for this story occurs in the Storm mini-series that I’ve not read. Storm, Cyclops, Jean, and Cannonball are in an African Village protecting the Gene Nationals, aka the remnants of the Morlocks, from Humanity’s Last Stand, an anti-mutant group armed with battle suits known as Razors. As the fight goes on, a mutant named Boost notices that Cannonball is wearing out, so he jumps inside Cannonball and uses his powers to enhance Sam’s. Boost’s girlfriend, a mutant lizard woman named Tether, is adamant that they kill the fleeing Razors, but Storm insists that they stay and look after their wounded.

We’re introduced to D’Gard, Storm’s interim leader who is a mutant empath. Since he can sense people’s feelings and emotions, it was decided he would be the best to follow the tribe’s wishes. Also, the reason that Gene Nation is in the middle of an African desert is that Storm deemed it so at the end of her mini-series; she thought it would be best since the Gene Nationals were brought up in the harsh conditions of Mikhail Rasputin’s “king of the hill” style society that they would be better off in a harsh African desert upon rescuing.

Tether accuses Storm of being a woeful leader, and she has a point since the village’s transmission tower has been down for over a month due to attacks from HLS, and Storm didn’t happen to notice until now. Storm makes an excuse that the X-Men have been busy and apologizes, but that is somehow not good enough for Tether. Storm explains that she exiled the mutants in Africa in the hopes that they would escape the bigotry that plagues the civilized world.

As night falls on the village, the X-Men prepare to sleep when Havok and his Brotherhood show up, consisting of the Dark Beast and Fatale. Cyclops immediately confronts his brother, asking what he is doing with the evil McCoy; Havok counters that the X-Men allowed Sabretooth to join and brings up Onslaught as well. Scott is still mad that Havok threw him out of a plane in Uncanny #339.

Havok offers the Gene Nationals a warning and protection. Dark Beast contemplates his inevitable betrayal of Havok while the members of Gene Nation consider Havok’s offer. Storm decides to set up a temporary truce between the two mutant teams.

At the base of Humanity’s Last Stand, we get to see the conflict from their perspective. They blame Gene Nation for the death of Graydon Creed and the series of murders that members of Gene Nation committed back in Uncanny #323. One of the Razor pilots even had a sister that died in the nightclub.

The battle begins; Beast breaks off with Jean Grey to find a more technical solution to their problem, while Cannonball saves Fatale. Some Razors cause a rockslide that buries a number of mutants, so Storm leads a group in rescuing them. D’gard can sense her fear from claustrophobia, and is impressed that she is able to conquer it to help their people. A group of four Razors breaks off to attack the shelters of the injured mutants; Cannonball and Boost try to stop them, but they are too late. Havok uses this as proof that tougher methods are needed to deal with the humans.

Nearby, Jean is using a teke shield to protect Evil Beast as he finds the emergency safeguards in one of the downed Razors. Using this, he is able to trigger the emergency protocols in all of the other suits, causing them to disengage. Storm uses the mutant Boost to amplify her powers and create an enormous sandstorm to wipe out all the retreating battlesuits.

After the battle, all the humans are taken prisoner. Tether and some of the others want to execute the humans who killed the injured mutants. Havok steps up to do it, but Cyclops confronts him and they get into a fight. Cyclops brings up how Havok almost killed him, and Alex brushes it off as “not being in his right mind” at the time. The brothers get into a fistfight, so Dark Beast takes the opportunity to construct a huge gun and execute all of the humans himself. Only he actually has Fatale teleport them all away at the last second so it would look like Beast killed them all. He is excited to have more guinea pigs for his experiments. Havok is as surprised as Cyclops that this occurs.

Boost and Tether decide to leave Africa with the Brotherhood, only they make it clear that they’re not joining, they just need Fatale to help them teleport away. D’gard announces that Storm no longer has claim to leadership, and that he will be the new leader of Gene Nation. Storm is saddened, but agrees it is for the best. Jean comforts Storm as they prepare to leave.

How It Was: This is surprisingly good for an annual, especially for this period in X-History. Not only does the story have actual stakes, but it also picks up on story details in other X-books (X-Factor, the Storm mini-series, last year’s annuals) to give a sense of cohesion in the wider X-Universe. I’ve never heard of Jorge Gonzalez before, but he has a fantastic handle on the characters, and he creates some better than average minor characters in Boost and Tether.

What Gonzalez does that makes the story work perfectly is that he presents the conflict from all sides, and neither side has the perfect answer. Storm wants to protect the village, but due to her commitments to the X-Men, and her terrible shortsightedness, she doesn’t have a practical answer. Havok thinks they should take the battle to HLS, but that will just escalate things. Tether and Boost, as the POV characters for the Gene Nation, represent how conflicted the group is about its purpose and identity, as well as seeing their reactions to various attrocities. Even the humans get a page to justify their motives, by using the events of Uncanny #323 as a validation for why they blame the mutants, since those terrorists did identify themselves as Gene Nation. D’gard offers a great point of view as well, as he is constantly analyzing the situation, trying to find a resolution that will work best for everybody. It’s all very well handled.

I only have two complaints. One is a minor nerdy nitpick: this is the team that regularly appears in X-Men during this time, and they’re in an Uncanny X-Men Annual. That just bothers me a little. The second is that Rouleau’s art isn’t really working for me. It’s so super exaggerated with lots of weird proportions and poses. It does have its moments, but more often than not it just looks odd to me. More importantly, there are moments, such as the landslide, where the frame is focused on Storm fighting bad guys when it should be focused on…well, the landslide. There are one or two other moments as well where the frame is of a character saying “Hey look at that thing over there,” when really the panel should just be showing the event. Plus we never get a feel for the scale of the battle, since the art pretty much focuses on the characters we’re familiar with. That’s an understandable decision, but it would be nice to have a few more establishing shots just to show off what a huge war this is supposed to be.

Overall, this is a pleasant surprise that feels less like filler than the actual stories running in X-Men and Uncanny around the same time. It’s the X-Men actually fighting for something, dealing with the themes of the series, and not always winning in the end. I would have loved to see this as a three or four issue arc as opposed to the Uncanny space farce, the X-Men meeting Shang-Chi in Hong Kong, or the entirety of Operation Zero Tolerance. Still, at least we got this much, and it works as a great one and done story as well as a great epilogue to the Storm mini.

A

Onslaught: X-Men

Onslaught: X-Men
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Mark Waid
Art: Adam Kubert and Pascual Ferry 

What Went Down: Our prologue begins with a shocking revelation; the video of Jean from Bishop’s timeline, the one that started the whole X-Traitor storyline, is in reference to Professor X turning into Onslaught. Here we get the whole version with the missing sections.

Cutting back to earlier, the story begins with Xavier sitting in his den and throwing a picture of himself and Magneto into a fire. He laments about the failure of his dream before summoning the X-Men to the study. Jean Grey is the only one who knows that Xavier is really Onslaught, but she hasn’t had an opportunity to tell anyone. Dark Beast is still worrying about his infiltration being discovered. Jean recaps all the X-Men’s encounters with Onslaught while Xavier announces that his dream was a mistake.

Jean continues to worry as Charles talks, and she discovers the Cyttorak Gem on his desk; unknown to her, the Juggernaut has been trapped in the gem by Onslaught. Jean continues to probe the Professor’s mind, but Xavier covers her head with a “psychic muzzle.” While the X-Men rush to Jean’s side, Xavier transforms into Onslaught.

Onslaught offers the X-Men an opportunity to join him. When Cyclops brings up the similarities in his tone to Magneto’s, the villain demonstrates his psychic powers on some of the X-Men. Cyclops blasts him, but Onslaught uses his powers to freeze the X-Men in place before disappearing. Gambit frees the X-Men by charging the floor with energy, and Jean fills the team in on what she has learned. Gambit brings up how Bishop has been looking for a traitor in the X-Men, surprising him. The team splits up with one unit going after Cerebro, even though it’s still supposed to be broken, while the other team goes to the ready room.

At the Baxter Building, Franklin—the son of Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman, is talking to his imaginary friend Charley—who is really Onslaught, while the Fantastic Four eat breakfast. Charley gets mad at Franklin and shatters a glass. The FF think Franklin is responsible, and Mr. Fantastic asks his son to go down to the lab with him.

In the Ready Room, the X-Men discover that Xavier has been researching Franklin Richards as well as Nate Grey. Onslaught mentally controls Cannonball and attacks the rest of the team. At the Avengers Mansion, Nate Grey is trying to convince the Avengers that Xavier has turned evil. They are skeptical, but they agree to check out his claims. Onslaught taunts Bishop for failing to discover that he was the traitor before going off to Cerebro.

In the Cerebro Room, Cyclops is busy disconnecting the computer when Iceman detects Onslaught by measuring the body temperatures in the room. Onslaught turns Cyclops’ powers on Jean, Iceman, and himself. Then he reveals that he has known about the Dark Beast’s presence the entire time and has been helping to hide him from the other telepaths. Dark Beast agrees to join Onslaught; the villain has to siphon some of McCoy’s thoughts to maintain his control of Xavier for some reason.

Later, Onslaught has neutralized Jean’s powers and is attempting to steal the secret to the template of the Phoenix Force from her mind. He takes a break to tell Dark Beast to dispose of the X-Men’s bodies, and Jean takes the opportunity to run away. She escapes to a communications room where she records the message from the prologue.

During the part at the end of the message, the part where it looked like Jean died, it turns out that the flash of light was just the other X-Men coming to the rescue. All the X-Men attack together, seemingly killing Onslaught. Of course, it turns out that the body they killed was really an illusion. Onslaught prepares an energy blast to kill all the X-Men, but Bishop manages to intercept and absorb it. Onslaught and Dark Beast teleport away, leaving the X-Men to ponder what they are going to do. At a secret location, Onslaught manages to activate an army of Sentinels.

How It Was: Another year, another X-crossover. As we all know from the success of Age of Apocalypse, every good crossover needs a double-sized one-shot with no ads to start it off. And not only is this a crossover across the X-books, we’re going full-on Marvel Universe wide inter-company crossover with this one. As the first issue of the story, this is probably the most that’s going to happen plot-wise until the Onslaught: Marvel Universe one-shot that ends it. I’ll get more into why this whole crossover is a bit of a mess, but let’s look at this issue a little closer.

Well Onslaught finally shows off how powerful he is, and it’s a wonder why he didn’t attack sooner to get it over with. Flashbacks to X-Men #50 and Uncanny #322 and #333 try to make this feel like a resolution to a grander, cohesive story, but really this just starts out of nowhere. The “hints” earlier don’t really point to a particular plan, and as you’ll see later, Onslaught’s agenda is never addressed beyond wanting to destroy the world…because he’s evil. The issue does succeed in giving us the broad, general ideas: Onslaught is Xavier, he’s really powerful, he’s interested in Nate Grey and Franklin Richards because…some reason, and he’s somehow connected to Magneto. That’s not bad for a first issue, except that this is pretty much what every other writer goes off of for his next two issues without really adding all that much to the plot until the end.

This is about what you’d expect from a hero like Professor X turned evil story. Waid and Lobdell take their time going through the beats: the X-Men can’t believe it, Onslaught shows signs that he’s not totally in control, the X-Men come to terms with the fact that they might have to kill him. Nothing is exactly subtle—from the villain’s reaction to Magneto’s name to the way Gambit brings up the X-traitor plot thread that has been rehashed over the last couple of months to the X-Men’s discovery that Onslaught could kill them but chooses not to. Of course later in the story, Xavier and Magneto turn out to play absolutely no part in the resolution of the story, so you could call this a misdirect, but it feels more like improper story planning. With so many at Marvel wanting to recapture the Age of Apocalypse, but on a larger scale, this issue tries to create some structure that really hasn’t been built up to as well as it was in the previous event.

Because Onslaught spawns from Xavier’s mind, he has the power to manipulate his students’ minds, and this leads to some interesting results, like having Cannonball freak out or Cyclops turn his powers on his friends. However, Onslaught develops so many other powers including super strength, energy blasts, EMP blasts, etc. that it starts to make him feel less unique. The X-staff is going for a cosmic-level bad guy ala Dark Phoenix or Thanos, but Onslaught never feels thought out enough to resonate as much with the readers.

It’s good to see the Dark Beast finally get something to do other than complain about life with the X-Men in his head. The X-Men’s confusion is well handled, but this thread leads to one of the other problems with this crossover. In order to have just about every Marvel title “tie in” to the story, sometimes events happened in the completely wrong books. So the Dark Beast/Beast storyline that has been running for months in the X-Men titles gets resolved in X-Factor, the origin of Onslaught happens in Wolverine, and Magneto/Joseph—who has been set up as a future X-Man already in the X-Men titles—gets discovered in Avengers. Again, none of these stories ever really contribute to the overall main plot (which should be combating Onslaught) whatsoever.

Still, I can’t help but notice that most of my criticisms, while originating with this issue, have more to do with the overall structure of the story than the issue itself. I actually quite like this one. The video from Bishop’s future is a nice touch, and a lot of the action is really good. All the X-Men’s reactions feel well done, although Xavier/Onslaught tends to talk a little too much and Jean’s inner ranting about Onslaught goes on for far too long. And of course, I can’t really understand the plan in the middle of the issue to split up when they’re facing the supposedly most powerful enemy they’ve ever faced. The ending struggles a little to involve Bishop, since he really had nothing to do with the resolution of the Traitor storyline. It feels tacked on to make Bishop the hero of the issue since he also won’t do a lot in the fight against Onslaught.

While this issue feels significant to a point, it’s a shame that most of the storylines either shift to unrelated books or disappear completely from the story. Out of the dozens of issues that are going to crossover, only two or three are going to deal directly with fighting Onslaught, so he never really gets developed as a character. There’s an interesting idea here about him being a manifestation of Xavier’s repressed feelings and emotions, but it gets bogged down in connections with Magneto and plot devices that serve no purpose. The traitor thread does get resolved, but this also feels shoe horned in. This is an exciting enough issue that is a little too long for its own good; it does a good job of setting up the main ideas, but the story never really develops any themes or developments beyond these general ideas.

B

Uncanny X-Men #334

Uncanny X-Men #344
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Juggernaut emerges from a lake near the Xavier Institute. He swims underwater again and takes out some cameras. Up in the actual mansion, Bishop is trying to fix Cerebro after it overloaded in X-Men #51. He recognizes the technology from his time, but wonders what happened to stunt technology development to such a degree, which doesn’t make sense since Cerebro is obviously far more advanced than any other computer of its time. Gambit pops in, and Bishop calls him Remy for the first time. They discuss how Sinister’s attack in X-Men #52 reassured Bishop that he wasn’t crazy, and then an intruder alarm goes off, so they go to check it out.

Cyclops is in the Danger Room, shooting a bunch of drones. Jean bursts in, telling him they need to talk. She tells him about Onslaught’s attack on her, and that as time passes she remembers less and less. When Scott suggests going to Xavier, she becomes scared and tells him to wait. In Colorado, Archangel is trying to contact the mansion, but having no luck. This is odd, since Juggernaut destroyed his home last month in X-Men #53, so it’s probably a mistake on the writers’ parts. Psylocke is also unable to contact them with her telepathy, but she says it might be due to the Crimson Dawn. They decide to go to Westchester.

In Xavier’s study, Cannonball is telling the Professor how he feels guilty for not preventing Wolverine’s transformation in Wolverine #100. Xavier overreacts, yells at the youth for being so weak, and dismisses him.

Bishop and Gambit take a water skimmer out to the lake to find the disturbance. The Juggernaut attacks and knocks them both out. In Beast’s lab, the Dark Beast is examining Wolverine while Iceman and Storm watch. Dark Beast points out the ludicrousness of his counterpart's role in the X-Men, wondering how many scientific duties he was asked to perform at a given time. Wolverine breaks free of the restraints and runs off. Storm goes after him, but she is interrupted by Cannonball, who wants to talk about the Professor.

Bastion shows up backstage at a Graydon Creed rally and tells him off for stupidly attacking Senator Kelly last issue. Jean goes into the lake house, but discovers Gambit and Bishop unconscious on the floor. Juggernaut appears and tells her he’s not there to fight. He asks for Jean’s help because he knows Onslaught’s identity, but he can’t remember it. As a sign of good faith, he removes his helmet.

In the War Room, Xavier is going over files on the Age of Apocalypse’s Nate Grey, who attacked him in X-Man #10—a quote/unquote pivotal battle. Cyclops shows up because Xavier sent for him, and Xavier proceeds to tell him how big of a disappointment he is. He then tells Scott to stay strong, and reveals himself to be a telepathic projection. On the comlink, Xavier tells him that this was a test.

Jean takes Juggernaut to an underground, psi-shielded chamber that Xavier used to prepare for the Z’nox Invasion, back when he faked his own death.

The issue concludes by announcing that X-Men #54 will reveal the identity of Onslaught, but you’ve probably already figured it out from the previous page. There’s also a section recapping all of the previous mentions of Onslaught from the other X-Books, even though next month they’ll all be made trivial.

How It Was: This marks pretty much the height of the Bishop/Gambit bromance. After Onslaught, Gambit moves onto a love triangle with Rogue and Joseph while Bishop does nothing for a while before being blasted into space…seriously. But it has been kind of nice seeing the former enemies’ friendship grow, even if its sole purpose is to make the X-traitor subplot relevant again for the big reveal during Onslaught. Sure, having Bishop call Gambit “Remy” is a little sappy, but for what it is it works. And it means that Bishop will finally stop whining about his visions and dreams from another world. Unlike last time, the Juggernaut gets to show off his power by easily overpowering the X-Men and not acting like a hysterical girl, as he did in Uncanny #322.

Lobdell and Waid must have gone through all the original X-Men issues looking for ideas, because this issue brings us a plot device from the long, long forgotten Z’nox plotline of Uncanny #65. Once again while it is a neat little Easter egg for diehard fans, I doubt many people remembered, or even were familiar with, this obscure nod to the sixties. What’s really great is seeing Jean take such an active role in the series after being Cyclops’ partner for so long. Her conflict over whether to trust Xavier is very well handled. There is definitely a feeling of intensity, even now, in her scenes with Juggernaut as she worries about Onslaught discovering them.

However, the mystery is pretty much ruined by the fact that the writers have dropped almost all pretenses to the fact that Xavier is Onslaught. I guess his lashing out could be viewed potentially as Onslaught just manipulating him, but I think it’s pretty clear with the way he handles Cannonball at his desk that he’s being set up as a bad guy in all of this. Oh, and even though I’m really starting to dislike Dark Beast’s plot, I love how he points out how many jobs the real Beast does for the X-Men; he’s a biologist, chemist, medical doctor, virologist, mechanic, and physicist whenever the story necessitates it.

The fact that Archangel and Psylocke are fine in Warren’s house in Colorado is a pretty glaring error. On top of that, the narrative is still talking about Warren’s wing injuries, which is really getting old. And Psylocke is already starting to blame plot mechanics on the plot device that is the Crimson Dawn, a bad trend that just gets worse from here on out. Betsy’s acting weird? Crimson Dawn. She’s got new powers that are necessary for the plot to move on? Crimson Dawn? She can’t do something she normally does? It’s probably the Crimson Dawn. On the other hand, having Bastion call Graydon Creed out for being a moron is pretty entertaining to read.

Overall, the middle chapter in the Onslaught setup trilogy proves to be uneven. The mystery of Onslaught’s identity almost seems futile at this point due to the writing, and Psylocke and Archangel’s participation seems peripheral at best. Some decent character moments make this a little above mediocre, and it does set up everything nicely for the finale, anticlimactic as it is.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #333

Uncanny X-Men #333
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Pascual Ferry

What Went Down: In his Virginia mansion, Senator Robert Kelly acts super edgy and waves around a gun, looking for someone. He finds Cyclops, who the Senator had called earlier. Kelly reveals that he is aware of members of Xavier’s Mutant Underground, but Cyclops doesn’t really care. Then Kelly begs for Cyclops’ help.

Above the Pentagon, the X-Men are hovering in the cloaked Blackbird while Jean Grey and Gambit infiltrate the building to learn about Operation Zero Tolerance. Cannonball compares the stunt to something he would’ve committed in X-Force, which honors Storm, while Dark Beast tries to maintain his identity in front of Iceman and Professor X.

In an underground sub-basement of the Pentagon, Jean is using her telepathy to disguise herself and Gambit. Also, in case you’re wondering, all of the mutant detecting technology in the Pentagon was created by Forge, who told the X-Men how to block it.

In Colorado, Archangel is still recovering from the injury Sabretooth gave him. Psylocke is also recovering, and she is easily able to sneak up on Warren outside. Betsy wonders about the changes the Crimson Dawn has done to her body and mind. Something appears behind Psylocke, asking for help. For some reason this causes Betsy to faint, and when Warren flies down to help her, the pain from his wing causes him to fall unconscious as well.

Back at the Pentagon, Jean marvels at the various politicians and officials assembled. The group is greeted by Bastion, who we are meeting for the first time. He describes Zero Tolerance as a survival task force, and tells the officials that there is a mysterious threat looming known as Onslaught. Also, Jean can’t scan his mind.

In Kelly’s mansion, Kelly is telling Cyclops that he found something after getting involved in Project: Widawake; something to do with the extinction of mutants. They are ambushed by an explosive from the Friends of Humanity. Oh and Graydon Creed is stupid enough to sit in a van outside the attempted assassination of a senator during his presidential campaign.

Over in the Blackbird, Xavier tries to listen to the presentation telepathically; Storm reminds him that he said he was unable to do this, but Xavier brushes her off. In the middle of his presentation on Onslaught, Bastion reveals that he can detect Jean and Remy, so he attacks them. The X-Men are surprised, so they proceed to run away. Gambit blows a hole in the wall, and he and Jean find that all the soldiers outside are sleeping. Onslaught appears to Jean, takes credit for knocking out the soldiers, and tells her that it was a gift.

Finally, Archangel and Psylocke wake up to find a Juggernaut-shaped shadow looming over them.

How It Was: After filling in for Andy Kubert two months previous, Pascual Ferry takes a shot filling in on Uncanny and does a pretty awesome job. While not a whole lot happens this issue, he manages to make Gambit and Jean’s escape look more frantic and action-packed than it actually is; he also sets a great mood with the shadowing in the Cyclops/Kelly sequences, definitely capturing the conspiracy mystery vibe. It’s too bad that there’s never any real payoff from this setup; it seems like Kelly is afraid Operation Zero Tolerance is going to kill him, but later it’s made clear that OZT doesn’t care about him at all, even releasing him after capturing Cyclops.

Really, this issue is setting up the main threat for after the Onslaught crossover, and frankly it’s a nice change of pace to see the X-Office planning these things so far in advance. While Bastion’s presentation only exists to regurgitate plot points from past X-Men issues so they’ll be fresh on people’s minds, the fact that he identifies Gambit and Jean, along with his appearance, adds some mystique to him. The fact that the head of this anti-mutant program is being run by an obvious non-human is very intriguing indeed. Jean and Gambit’s escape also makes for a brief, but well-executed action set piece.

The Archangel/Psylocke thread is a misfire. While it’s nice to check in on them after their injuries, all they do is recap what’s happened to them thus far and pass out. Psylocke is sensing psionic screams because of her exposure to the Crimson Dawn? What does that even mean? And it is very unclear whether Archangel passes out from the pain or crashes into the ground. Either way, neither character comes out of this looking particularly good. In fact, the falling unconscious serves no purpose except to create some anti-climactic tension, since they pick up right where they left off after they wake up. It’s a cheap plot device to postpone the scene for the cliffhanger, and it doesn’t work at all.

There are some nice, but insignificant moments in the Blackbird. It’s becoming clear at this point that the Dark Beast plot has some holes in it; namely, that he’s somehow hiding on a team with three of the world’s most powerful telepaths on it. And while this gets explained by Onslaught later, it still doesn’t answer why the Dark Beast thought this was a good plan in the first place, ignorant of Onslaught as he was. He really had no plan for this? And why is he still on the team after already being captured by Sinister once? Also, it’s about this point that the X-writers start to abandon subtlety as far as the hints that Xavier is Onslaught are concerned. The mystery doesn’t work at all because we’re only presented with one potential suspect who keeps acting more and more disturbed.

This issue crosses over with X-Force #55 for no particular reason; it’s a weak attempt to boost readership of the other X-books. Later we’ll see that many X-titles started having events happen in the completely wrong titles, but more on that later. While the Archangel/Psylocke sequences are panel padding nonsense, the introduction of Bastion goes off really well and succeeds in creating some intrigue in the events to follow Onslaught. Sure, the “hints” at Onslaught’s motivations never make sense in the long run, but as I said before, the focus is mostly on Zero Tolerance for next year.

B+

X-Men #52

X-Men #52
Writing: Mark Waid
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Continuing from the cliffhanger last issue, Gambit is charging the front car of a runaway train with explosive energy while Bishop yells at him for being crazy. Gambit reveals that his plan is to have Bishop absorb all of the energy until he has enough to release and stop the train. Somehow this actually works, but it leaves both heroes weakened so that Mr. Sinister can easily knock them out.

In South Carolina, Rogue rents an apartment from a single mother; the woman’s son tries to touch her, and she panics. On TV a news report discusses the runaway train with possible mutants witnessed at the scene. The woman comments about how awful mutants are, and Rogue regretfully agrees with her.

At the train station, police are interviewing all of the formerly mutated humans. A shadowy figure in a trenchcoat and hat walks by, and all the cops refer to him as an important government figure named Bastion.

In Sinister’s underground lab, the X-Men are all elaborately restrained. Sinister explains that he was using the train to test the effectiveness of his new mutant virus which creates minions for his disposal. He is also excited because he finally has Bishop in his possession. You see, because Bishop comes from the future, Sinister has no genetic records of him at all. And since Sinister has collected samples of every other genetic mutant ever, that just won’t do.

Sinister has a machine that projects thoughts, so he’s going to use it to learn Bishop’s origins. Dark Beasts panics because he knows that this test will show that he’s not the real Beast, and reveal to Sinister all his secrets from the Age of Apocalypse. Sinister learns about Bishop’s time traveling, the X-traitor, and the Age of Apocalypse while Beast insists that Gambit free them. Beast also notices that Sinister takes an interest in Gambit’s health when Gambit pretends to be coming down with the virus.

As Sinister approaches him, Gambit releases a charged card and blows up the machine, thus freeing his friends and destroying all of Sinister’s samples. The X-Men defeat Sinister in about two pages, and he teleports away. As they walk away, Gambit tells the group that they are just outside of St. Louis. Dark Beast picks up on this and realizes that Gambit must have a connection to Sinister. Rather than tell the X-Men, he decides to keep this information to himself for future use.

How It Was: First off, I’m no physics expert, but I’m ninety percent sure that Gambit’s plan wouldn’t have a chance in hell of working, due to the fact that the locomotive’s engine is continuously running, so any attempt to introduce an equal opposing force would be negated once Bishop’s energy was depleted. Then again, it’s a comic book about people with genetic anomalies that give them super powers, so I guess I don’t have a lot of grounds to judge it on realism.

How much does it suck to be Dark Beast? Getting captured by the one person you’re trying to hide from on your first mission with the X-Men has to be frustrating. Anyways, Bishop gets something of a resolution to his months long beat of hallucinating about the Age of the Apocalypse. After having his experiences confirmed by Sinister, Bishop is finally able to come to terms with them, and they’re rarely ever mentioned again.  It’s not the most satisfying conclusion, but hey, at least it’s something.

The dialogue between Rogue and her racist landlord is some of the worst to ever appear in an X-Men comic. Not only is it an unflattering portrayal of people in South Carolina (“Don’t tell me I’ve done rented to a mutant lover?”), showing yet another human that hates mutants a lot doesn’t really add anything to the story.

There’s also some more cryptic hinting at Gambit’s relationship with Sinister, but most of this is for the benefit of the Dark Beast so he can figure it out on his own. He says that he plans on using this information to his advantage someday, but again he’s going to be disappearing in a couple of issues and the plot point will fade away with him. Sinister’s reaction to capturing Bishop is well-handled, and the fact that Bishop would be his missing link is a nice touch. In fact, the conflict is really well-constructed in that all three mutants have secrets that they don’t want Sinister to discover or share, so the plot is a little more engaging than your standard “captured by a mad scientist” plotline.

An event that should feel more significant is the destruction of Sinister’s life’s work, a collection of every mutant’s genetic samples, by Gambit. Of course, it would be easier to get excited about if it hadn’t already happened a year ago in X-Men #34, and afterwards Sinister just said that he had duplicates. And yeah, this time Sinister is around to agonize about the loss and lash out at the X-Men, but this only lasts for a page until he’s blasted by Bishop and teleports away. This is a pretty easy victory for the X-Men as far as Sinister goes; usually he puts up more of a fight.

While a nice aside, in the long run this two issue story just doesn’t feel that significant. Sure it resolves Bishop’s whining about the Age of Apocalypse, and it features the Dark Beast and Gambit coming into contact with Sinister, but the story just rushes to the end and neither of the villains do anything with the new information they’ve gathered. After all, Sinister had gained knowledge of the future while Dark Beast knew of the villain’s relationship with Gambit, so something could’ve come of this.

B-

X-Men #51

X-Men #51
Writing: Mark Waid
Art: Pascal Ferry

What Went Down: Professor X and Bishop are in the mansion’s war room attempting to fix Cerebro after it was destroyed way back in the Phalanx storyline. Cerebro detects a massive spike in New Jersey before shorting out again. Even though Xavier believes it might be a malfunction, Bishop, Gambit, and Beast are sent out to investigate.

The coordinates lead the X-Men to a commuter train. Upon entering, they find a number of mutant monsters. Throughout all this, Beast keeps making inappropriate jokes because in reality he’s the Dark Beast in disguise. Bishop explains that the monsters are actually mutated humans, and they witness one human turning into a monster, showing that the mutation is contagious.

At the house of Jean Grey’s parents, Cyclops tests Jean’s niece and nephew for telepathy by hiding a quarter. Jean is not very excited to see this because she wants the children to live normal lives. Jean’s parents turn the TV to the news where we see Graydon Creed officially announce his candidacy for President of the United States.

At the mansion, Xavier calls Mutant Underground member Louis St. Croix to discuss the recent turn of events. Xavier cryptically mentions that he may have to take drastic measures against Creed. On the train, our heroes fight the monsters for a while and then split up. Gambit and Bishop head off towards the engine to stop the train while Beast looks for a way to subdue the passengers. Gambit and Bishop find a really big monster waiting for them in the engine.

Incredibly, Dark Beast is able to create an anesthetic from random ingredients on the train; once unconscious, all the monsters become human again. Beast looks over his work, but Mr. Sinister ambushes him; ironically Dark Beast replaced the regular Beast in an attempt to hide from Mr. Sinister. Back at the front of the train, the controls are smashed, so the X-Men have no way to stop it. Gambit gets an idea and begins charging the front car with kinetic energy. Bishop yells at him for creating a speeding bomb.

How It Was: Gambit and Bishop continue their bromance as they team up yet again to stop a crazy train full of monsters. In case you forgot, the writers are trying to keep the X-traitor storyline on our minds, since it’s going to play a big role in the upcoming Onslaught crossover. Mark Waid does a solid job with characters, especially the Dark Beast, but the plot leaves a little something to desire. The entire “turning humans into mutants” angle feels a little too “mad scientist-y” even for Mr. Sinister, and the manner in which the monsters are defeated is too convenient. After all, why would a train have all the chemicals needed for an airborne anesthetic to be created; it’s not like the Beast has a lot of pockets to keep all of those ingredients in.

I’m glad to see that the Dark Beast doesn’t really fit in with the X-Men, and Waid does a great job of capturing his revulsion and paranoia. Still, since the identity theft only lasts another four issues, not a lot comes of this. And I can’t really understand the whole rationale behind it; why would McCoy think that infiltrating the X-Men would keep him safer from Sinister, rather than just staying in hiding? Of course, we discover how terrible his plan actually is when Sinister captures him during his very first mission with the X-Men.

Bishop and Gambit aren’t given a whole lot characterwise, but since they’re both the focus next issue it’s not a big deal. Ferry’s art works surprisingly well with the monsters; he draws them with a very horror comic aesthetic reminiscent of something you might’ve seen back in the days of EC. Graydon Creed’s announcement feels pretty significant, but as we’ll see after Onslaught, it doesn’t go on for too long, so don’t get too excited. It’s an inauspicious debut for Mark Waid, and it’s hard to get since he’s not staying onboard for too long.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #331

Uncanny X-Men #331
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Bryan Hitch

What Went Down: We open on the members of X-Force (they’re still living at the mansion?) searching through debris in the middle of a laboratory fire. They are looking for the Beast, but unbeknownst to them, the X-Men’s Beast has been replaced by the Dark Beast from the Age of the Apocalypse, and the fire is being used to cover any differences in his personality. Shatterstar does note that he sounds different, and he is vehement about not going down to the medical station, but nobody questions him.

In her New York apartment, Emma Frost discovers that Iceman has filled her private office with ice. He demands that she sit down to talk. In Colorado, Gambit and Bishop are standing outside, and Bishop tells the story of the first time he saw trees. Inside Xavier wonders about these two X-Men, and why there are so many mysteries about them. Archangel tells the Professor that he’s not returning to Westchester so he and Betsy can recover from their injuries.

Iceman demands that Emma help him master his powers so he can heal the chunk missing from his chest. When she refuses, he starts by freezing the blood flow to her brain. Elsewhere, Scott and Jean have managed to locate the place where the X-Men were brought in X-Men #50. Unfortunately there is a huge crater where the forest should be, and there is absolutely no evidence of Onslaught whatsoever.

Outside Emma’s office, Jubilee and Banshee notice all of the ice forming. Jubilee asks if they should get involved, but Banshee thinks it best for them to resolve it themselves. Bobby shackles Emma with ice, but she continues to taunt him. Using her telepathy, Emma makes Bobby’s father, his ex-girlfriend Opal, and the Beast appear to distract and frustrate him. Iceman explains these illusions can’t work because he is confident in who he is, so Emma tells him to just change back to human form.

Iceman changes back to human form without dying, and Emma apologizes for messing with Bobby. She explains that she felt guilty about the Hellions’ deaths, and it angered her to see him squander his powers when her students weren’t alive to enjoy theirs.

How It Was: This finally resolves the multi-years long arc of Iceman’s frustration with his powers. After this issue, we no longer see him asking people if they consider him a loser or whining about how much he’s wasted his potential. And that in it of itself is very nice. It’s a very roundabout way of doing it, by having Lobdell rehash every Bobby character and relationship beat for the last three years, but the important thing is that it is finally done, and Bobby can move on. I do like how Iceman just gets fed up after receiving his potentially life altering wound, and it’s been a while since we’ve seen Bobby stand up for himself. I don’t quite buy Emma’s excuse for messing with Bobby tying into the deaths of the Hellions; this seems to be Lobdell’s way of writing it off while making her look sympathetic, instead of looking like the manipulative ball buster she should be.

The sequence with Archangel telling Xavier that he’s taking a break is far too drawn out and melodramatic for its own good. It seems unnecessary for Xavier to question Gambit and Bishop’s loyalty, and Warren comes out of left field by accusing Xavier of being manipulative. Although this turns out to be retroactively accurate due to Xavier being Onslaught, without that context it feels forced. Gambit and Bishop yet again pay lipservice to the traitor storyline because that’s being resolved soon. And the “clues” about Onslaught’s power that Scott and Jean discover are completely inconsequential, so you can forget them.

This issue is nothing spectacular, but parts of it do work well. Plus there are some great scenes with Emma verbally abusing Iceman which are a lot of fun.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #329

Uncanny X-Men #329
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Jeph Loeb
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: The Sorcerer Supreme Dr. Strange is observing Wolverine and Archangel with a cauldron. He announces that the X-Men will need his help whether they realize it or not. So right away we know we’re dealing with a story about magic.

In “Little Asia” Wolverine is leading Warren to a teahouse in search of a mystical maguffin to save Psylocke. Wolverine explains that there are aspects of this world that are unexplained but still exist. Warren complains the whole time that he should be by Betsy’s side and that Wolverine is probably losing it. Logan convinces him to stay, and right as Warren is about to drink his tea, Logan hits it away. The cup smashes on the ground and turns into a magic ninja shadow warrior thing.

The shadow warrior attacks, and Warren struggles to fight it due to his injured wing from the Sabretooth Special. Wolverine tells him that the creature is metal sensitive, but Archangel can’t seem to hurt it because all the parts he cuts off turn into separate demons. Wolverine stabs an old lady and the demon disappears. Archangel is convinced Wolverine just murdered an elderly woman, but Logan reaches inside the body and pulls out an ancient sensei-type named Gomurr the Ancient.

Gomurr and Wolverine seem to know each other, and we learn that the ghosts were a test. Wolverine tells Gomurr that they are after a pint of the Crimson Dawn from the Ebon Vein, but Gomurr refuses to help until Wolverine threatens him. Dr. Strange shows up at the end and tells them that he will be joining them on their journey.

How It Was: This is an odd turn of events. Instead of seeking out some kind of scientific medical treatment, Wolverine and Archangel go off on a mystical samurai buddy adventure. I have to say that the premise alone completely turns me off as I feel like it sets a bad precedent to save characters’ lives through magic. After all, it brings up the question of why they don’t do the same thing every time somebody is severely injured. Plus magic has never really been very central to the X-Men mythos, other than the more recent Decimation. It leads to a generic story that you could plug any two random Marvel heroes into and it would still feel the same.

Now Archangel and Wolverine aren’t bad choices since they’ve never gotten along, and they both care about Psylocke. Unfortunately their relationship doesn’t really grow in any meaningful way; Warren complains a lot until Wolverine is proved right, and then Warren apologizes. That’s it as far as fleshing out the relationship goes. Dr. Strange doesn’t feel necessary to this story other than to assist with the readers' acceptance of a story about magic.

And while the ghost ninja things look pretty cool, the story devolves into silliness when the driving force behind the story is revealed to be an elderly, ever-smiling little person. It’s ridiculous to look at, and completely erodes any drama set up by the potential death of Psylocke. Worse yet, we’re dealing with the Crimson Dawn, which is reminiscent of the Siege Perilous—a plot device dimension that alters characters in random ways (memory loss, new powers, teleportation, etc.) This is really weird, and really bad.

D-

X-Men #49

X-Men #49
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Mark Waid
Art: Jeff Matsuda

What Went Down: The issue begins with Pamela Greenwood, the waitress from last issue, under fire behind the counter at Harry’s Hideaway. Bishop has apparently lost it and attacked her, convinced that she has been spying on him. Beast happens to be in the neighborhood and shows up to try to stop him. After knocking Beast unconscious, Bishop calms down and questions his own actions. Pamela seems rather calm and offers to talk with him, but a police officer interrupts them. Bishop uses the last of his stored energy to knock out the cop, and Pamela takes him to her apartment to protect him.

At the Massachusetts Academy, home of Generation X, Gateway has appeared, and Banshee is looking to investigate. Gateway sucks Chamber into a portal and disappears. Banshee asks M if she picked up anything telepathically, and of course she picked up only one word—Onslaught.

Beast wakes up with a cop pointing a rifle in his face. He decides that the best move is to deactivate his image inducer to reveal his true form. At Pamela’s apartment, her kitten is resting on the sleeping Bishop. Pamela picks it up, and when she turns around, Bishop is pointing a gun at her. Pamela starts crying and Bishop relents. The next page reveals that Dark Beast is coaching her on what to do while observing Bishop. Pamela is a result of scanning Bishop’s brain to find qualities that he might find appealing in a woman. We also see a captive Havok in the background. Dark Beast decides that the best course of action is to have Pamela kill Bishop.

Regular Beast has escaped the pursuing cops and is looking for Bishop. He sees Bishop fly through a window and realizes that he was right about Pamela, who turns out to be a mutant assassin called Fatale. Fatale alerts Dark Beast to the standard Beast, who the evil McCoy has never seen before. Dark Beast orders her to abort the mission, so Fatale tries to escape. She accidentally ruptures a gas line, which appears to blow her up, but really only covers her escape. Bishop feels vindicated that he was right about the waitress, while the Dark Beast begins work on assimilating the real Henry McCoy.

How It Was: Because you forgot about it, Scott Lobdell reveals the identity of the waitress at Harry’s Hideaway. Since she turns out to be an assassin working for Dark Beast it’s probably safe to say that this wasn’t the original intention for her character. Then again, since Dark Beast has been retroactively retconned into past Marvel continuity, this works as kind of a cute way to demonstrate the AoA McCoy’s influence and reach. But for someone who has been in the regular Marvel Universe for twenty odd years, the fact that he doesn’t know who the regular Beast is is really baffling. After all, the standard Beast has been a member of the Avengers as well as a respected doctor who does a lot of public work. It sort of makes Dark Beast come off like an idiot if he didn’t think to check for himself in this universe.

For the most part this is a Bishop centric issue, and his personality is all over the place. Lobdell and Waid seem to be going for a fracturing of Bishop’s mental state. The fact that he doesn’t know if he can trust his own carefully honed instincts is pretty interesting. But I dislike that he keeps reverting between normal Bishop and his old shoot first/ask questions later personality whenever the plot necessitates. Waid does an admirable job of trying to make Pamela sympathetic, but it’s kind of obvious that she is either playing him or she has the worst judgment ever when she brings a lunatic back to her apartment. Beast’s judgment is also a little iffy, as I would think that changing your appearance to a blue-haired beast would be the fastest way to get shot by the cops.

Ultimately, it’s still hard to get over the fact that we’re dealing with a plot point from so far back in X-continuity. It’s an okay issue, but other than Dark Beast learning about himself, it doesn’t feel very significant. I will say that Jeff Matsuda does a pretty great job; I can’t help but smile at panels of Bishop holding a kitten. There’s nothing really substantial going on.

C-