X-Factor #126

X-Factor #126

Writing: Howard Mackie

Art: Stefano Raffaele

What Went Down:  Forge starts of this issue repaying Mystique and Sabretooth for saving him by painfully reactivating their inhibitors with technology around him.  They regroup with the rest of X-Factor to find that Havok and Random have been captured.  Polaris and Shard are left to guard the prisoners while the rest break up to look for Beast.

Mystique and Wild Child trade banter while overcoming some traps within the building, while Creed fights off some metal tendrils with Forge.  Forge deactivates them, and they continue on while Forge contemplates the series of strange orders Washington has been giving him, the most recent of which has been to work with Sabretooth.  Creed discovers the Beast hooked to manacles that shock him with every step taken on the floor.  Above, Fatale ambushes the two agents, but she is ambushed by Wild Child and knocked out. 

Outside, Polaris lectures Random for lying to her.  Random explains that Dark Beast was helping him control his powers and keeping him from becoming just a pile of goo.  In fact Dark Beast created the Random identity.  He also admits Dark Beast has been messing with Havok’s head. 

Once freed, Beast is eager to rejoin the X-Men to fight Onslaught.  Sabretooth notices that this Beast is actually Dark Beast.  Forge threatens to put Creed down, even though he acknowledges that Creed’s collar should be stopping him, and Wild Child confirms that it’s the Dark Beast.  Meanwhile Alex tricks Lorna into setting him free.  Random breaks out of his restraints in an attempt to save her from Havok.  Havok blasts Random, turning him to a puddle that oozes into the sewer.  Shard leaves Polaris to guard Havok while she goes after Random.  This gives Havok the perfect opportunity to knock out Polaris and admit his treachery. 

Back inside, Forge is still pointing a gun, convinced Sabretooth is attacking the real Beast.  Creed knocks down a wall, revealing the real Beast restrained in a different room.  Dark Beast still tries to convince Forge that he is the good one, but the original Hank McCoy attacks him and knocks him out. 

Shard returns to find Polaris unconscious and dying.  She gives CPR and tells Forge they need to get to the hospital.  Forge orders Fatale to teleport them all, and Dark Beast tells them to do it so that they can bid their time as prisoners, exactly where he wanted to be.

How It Was:  I’ve already written about how bizarre it is that the Beast/Dark Beast plot resolution appeared in, of all places, X-Factor.  So let’s forget about the randomness and ineptitude that lead to that decision and instead focus on the pay off.  After months of being held captive and chained up in a small room—after having dozens…potentially hundreds of people from his life, as well as innocent bystanders, murdered—Beast finally gets his payback on the cruel, sadistic version of himself.  So he kicks the villain once…and then the fight and issue are both over.  What??!!  It’s one thing to shunt the focus of the majority of this story to X-Factor, and Sabretooth and Mystique in particular, but to offer absolutely no satisfaction in the triumph of our hero who has been put through the ringer the last few months is the worst.  The absolute worst!  The only reason X-Men readers were picking up X-Factor was to see how Beast was rescued, and the abrupt and anticlimactic end robs the story of any sense of closure or gratification.  In fact Dark McCoy is gleeful to be captured, in regards to another conspiracy theory with no payoff.

Aside from the lousy Beast thread, nobody else comes out looking too great in this issue.  The plot decisions just seem antithetical to telling an interesting story.  The villains without restraints…that’s pretty cool, but it gets undone by the first page this issue.  Random’s betrayal…apparently he’s been working with Dark Beast since the beginning, retroactively tainting all his previous appearances.  Oh, and the tough bounty hunter is actually a teenager, which is a little weird and disappointing. 

If not for the Beast letdown, the worst offense would be the obvious ruse Havok uses on Polaris to get free, making her look all kinds of awful.  All she had to do was be patient and wait for the authorities to pick up the bad guys, but she frees Havok because…?  Similarly Forge refuses to believe both Sabretooth and Wild Child about Dark Beast, even though they have no reason to lie, and Creed’s inhibitor is letting him hurt the Beast.  Everything is just too predictable…it’s no fun if the audience expects what is going to happen.  It’s fun to have the villains pulling the strings, but not if the heroes are so obviously dumb that there’s no challenge or sense of tension. 

Completists Only

X-Factor #125

X-Factor #125

Writing: Howard Mackie

Art: Jeff Matsuda and Stefano Raffaele

These two issues take place prior to X-Men #55

What Went Down:  Dark Beast has taken Onslaught to his lab, and Onslaught is conducting a painful looking probe on McCoy.  Fatale tries to free her master, but fails miserably.  Former hero, and Cyclops’ brother, Havok shows up too, and Onslaught says he has plans for him.

Over at the Fall’s Edge base, X-Factor is being attacked by a training Sentinel that has somehow been reprogrammed.  Random suggests calling in the X-Men, but Forge orders Mystique to go free their “heavy-hitter” Sabretooth.  Mystique threatens to kill Sabretooth, but frees him anyway.  Both discuss how they are biding their time in X-Factor to fulfill their own agendas.  Creed mentions that Mystique might have feelings for Forge.  Suddenly Fatale appears and abducts both of them.  She also teleports the Sentinel away. 

Forge seems convinced one rogue Sentinel is more dangerous than a missing Mystique and Sabretooth, so he sets X-Factor to finding it.  Random tries to warn Polaris not to go on this mission.  Back at their base, the emergency transmission from Jean Grey warning about Onslaught plays for the empty room. 

X-Factor tracks the Sentinel’s signal to the abandoned Brand Corporation.  Havok and Fatale attack the team; Polaris is heartbroken that Alex has turned villain, while Random again tries to warn her away.  While Polaris shields everyone from Havok’s power, Random reveals that he is a traitor as well. 

Inside the Brand facility, Forge discovers an army of Sentinels.  He is attacked by someone off panel.  Outside, Polaris tries to reach Havok.  Fatale and Havok are about to kill the team, but Random protests about killing them.  Dark Beat appears to tell him the bargain has changed.  Forge and Onslaught’s henchman Post bursts through the wall, interrupting the proceedings and giving Polaris a chance to take out Havok.  Random tries to help Polaris, but Havok shoots him, revealing that Random is really a teenager.  Polaris again tries to reach Alex, and it appears to work; however, instead of trusting him, Polaris decides to knock him out.  Post grows bored and escapes, having succeeded in his mission to distract X-Factor long enough for the Sentinels to launch.

What Else Went Down:  The second story deals with what happens to Sabretooth and Mystique after being teleported.  After surviving a steep drop, the pair is confronted by the Dark Beast.  McCoy explains everything about Onslaught and holding his other self hostage.  Dark Beast wants them to join Onslaught, and offers to deactivate their inhibitors and let them kill Forge.  Mystique and Sabretooth consider it, but decide if they weren’t sanctioned operatives, they couldn’t use their positions for their own purposes. 

Sabretooth attacks Dark Beast; McCoy gets the upper hand, but Mystique uses her shape-shifting abilities to create pointy armor for herself.  Dark Beast almost kills both her and Forge, but Sabretooth saves them both and continues to fight.  Creed is about to kill him, but Forge stops him because they need information.  Dark Beast activates a teleporter, explaining that the real Beast will be dead before they can find him. 

How It Was:  A double-sized Onslaught tie-in issue.  How did I get so lucky?  After Peter David left X-Factor, the book struggled to find an identity.  No longer the quirky, funny book with the C-list X-Characters, it tried to become the edgy, violent book with C-list X-characters.  Too bad nobody at the X-offices realized that title was already called X-Force.  X-Factor’s attempt to stay interesting and relevant to fans was to have Mystique and Sabretooth recruited by the team and forced to work with more traditional mutant heroes. 

As for its attempt at ecking out its own identity, Mackie seems to be going the conspiracy angle with multiple characters having different conflicting goals and motivations, from the villains to the government funding X-Factor itself.  This is all well and good considering they are the government based X-team—why not introduce some X-Files like government conspiracies and political intrigue.  The problem of course exists that none of these motivations or conspiracies feel planned ahead; Sabretooth, Mystique, and Dark Beast all insist that they have specific reasons for the things they are doing, with no substantial hint as to what they might be.  Forge recognizes there might be strange motivations for including villains on the team, but again nothing is done with this. 

As an Onslaught tie-in, this story offers a unique opportunity to bring in new readers by showing how great and interesting the team is.  Instead we see a team that struggles to take down one Sentinel.  One!  And it’s a Sentinel that Forge was rebuilding.  Right off the start the X-Factor team isn’t looking great, especially when over in books like X-Men and Uncanny, the X-Men, Avengers, and FF are taking out Sentinels left and right by themselves. 

Another problem is how telegraphed the twists are.  Random warns Polaris twice that she shouldn’t go on the mission, and then we’re supposed to be surprised when he says he’s working for the villain of the issue?  None of this feels laid out or natural to the character as established.  Havok being a bad guy is interesting, since he is the character that became synonymous with X-Factor after the original X-Men left.  The downside is that his defection (at this point the story was that he was being brainwashed by Dark Beast) reduces Polaris to a simpering and whiny character that gets tiring after a while. 

This issue should feel bigger than it does: Post shows up for like four panels (?!), the Sentinels that attack New York are activated here, and Sabretooth and Mystique get their inhibitors deactivated.  Of course failing to stop the Sentinels makes the team look incompetent, and the other two things are quickly brushed to the side.  It feels like the plot is trying to cram in as many Onslaught related concepts in it as possible without actually contributing to or moving the story along in any meaningful way; of course, this was the main problem with the majority of Onslaught tie-ins.

Finally, we pick up on the captive Beast subplot that has appeared in all three X-Men titles.  Why the X-offices would choose to resolve this months’ long story in X-Factor is beyond me. None of the characters have a close connection with Hank; it just feels like the team had nothing better to do than resolve this plot line that has nothing to do with them.  Just some baffling choices.

Completists Only

X-Men Unlimited #10

X-Men Unlimited #10

Writing: Mark Waid

Art: Frank Toscano and Nick Gnazzo

This takes place after X-Men #50, but before Uncanny #331

What Went Down: Our story begins with a flashback to a young Hank McCoy fixing a school bus and annoying the heck out of Groundskeeper Willy.  The flashback is being retold by the former school principal, who is retelling the story with pride in the present at a hospital.  Unfortunately the principal’s visitor is the evil Hank McCoy from the Age of Apocalypse, who promptly suffocates the principal after learning everything he can about the Hank of this world.  As Dark Beast leaves the hospital, it is apparent that he’s killed everyone there, not just the principal, as he recounts his history up until now.

Meanwhile, the real Beast is using the Danger Room as a giant microscope to manipulate the molecules of the Legacy Virus for study.  Professor X and the other X-Men interrupt him to implore that he spend more time outside the lab.  In a secret lab, Dark Beast has hacked into regular Hank’s computer and is keeping track of his work.

Dark Beast meets with another person from Hank’s life—this time a former girlfriend named Mindy who recounts teenage Hank’s fixation with the robotics of a haunted tunnel ride.  As she tells the story, Mindy becomes ill, and Dark Beast reveals he infected her and the rest of the restaurant with a deadly virus. 

At the institute, Iceman is helping Beast with yet another experiment.  Bobby has to use his powers to keep a microscope from overheating, even though this eventually causes him pain.  The computer eventually overheats and blows up.  Afterwards, Bobby gets Hank to agree to leave the lab, but it’s a trick to get rid of him. 

Dark Beast then visits a priest who retells the origin of Hank’s fur to the villain.  The priest is repaid by having his church blown up.  After acquiring some files from the Brand Corporation, Dark Beast is able to turn his fur blue.  He heads to the home of Hank’s parents to learn more about the genuine article.  Evil Hank gets more of his origin filled in, pertaining to the radiation accident that may have given him the x-gene.  Both parents notice something wrong with their son, and just when it seems like Dark Beast might kill them both, he falters and leaves abruptly. On his way out of town, he kills a random passerby. 

As real Beast works on his computer, Dark Beast hacks his computer and leads him to the abandoned Brand Corporation.  Dark Beast traps regular Beast in a box and gloats about all the people in Hank’s life that he has killed.  Enraged Beast bursts free and a fight ensues.  Just when Beast has the upper hand, he realizes he is about to kill Dark Beast and lets up, allowing Dark Beast to knock him out.  When Hank wakes up, he is being bricked into a dungeon.  Beast begs him to let him go and help him cure the Legacy Virus, but the villain seals him in. 

How It Was:  Well when you have a dark version of a character hanging around a super hero universe, it is inevitable that he will end up facing his better self at some point.  While it’s not the most original set up for a comic story, Mark Waid wrote it, so there is actually a little substance to this tale.  Dark Beast is a problematic character because theoretically he shares the same temperament and personality with regular Beast, only without all the patience and ethical concerns; his vague fear of Mr. Sinister, who probably doesn’t know he exists at this point, seems unfounded.  Waid quickly defines the evil McCoy by making him a remorseless killer the likes of which we haven’t seen in the X-books up to this point.  Even when Sabretooth escaped and had a dozen chances to kill someone, he was never allowed to; compare that to Dark Beast who wipes out entire hospitals and restaurants full of people on a whim.  It’s off-putting, but the violence does serve a purpose.  Having racked up an enormous body count by the middle of the issue, I was almost certain Dark Beast was going to kill Hank’s parents, who are probably as crucial to the X-books as all the made-up characters from Hank’s life in this issue.  There is a marvelous sense of tension as Dark Beast reaches for the axe.  In fact, it might’ve ended up a more memorable story and cemented Dark Beast as a more palpable threat long term if he had gone through with it. 

Some of the flashbacks are a little hokey (why is Groundskeeper Willy at Hank’s school), but they establish that downhome mid-western Smallville charm that makes for an excellent contrast with the over-the-top violence of the Dark Beast.  Regular Beast’s experiments are shown for a little too long, and I don’t really get how an electron microscope can overheat and explode, but once he’s lead to the Brand Corporation, it’s worth it to see his reaction to Dark Beast’s remorseless crimes.  It’s unfortunate that most of this is forgotten after Onslaught because although he’s sort of derivative in terms of comics stories, Dark Beast would’ve made a more interesting obsession for Beast to focus on as opposed to the Legacy Virus plot that just kept going and going and going.

Waid injects personality and a hint of humor into the characters (I love the line about Bobby getting a 200 point lead in Scrabble).  And although the two Beasts couldn’t seem more different, Waid wisely uses the corny flashbacks to establish the commonality that both of them need to satisfy their own curiosities when it comes to how things work; Dark Beast just uses living people as opposed to machines and lab equipment.  Both are obsessed with figuring out how things work, and it’s a shame we aren’t given more of Dark Beast’s history to really drive home the similarities and differences.

This is probably one of the best issues of X-Men Unlimited I’ve ever read.  It feels like a narrower focused story, unburdened by the myriad of subplots that would undoubtedly be included in the main titles; however, for the first time most of the book doesn’t feel like padded filler.  Dark Beast seems like a genuine threat, even if he never does anything threatening or interesting while undercover at the X-Mansion.  This could’ve been the foundation for rehabilitating a contrived villain—it’s too bad it never was followed up on, so Dark Beast actually comes across in later appearances as C-level Mr. Sinister.  Still, this is quite a good one.

Everyone Should Read

Uncanny X-Men & Fantastic Four Annual '98

Uncanny X-Men & Fantastic Four Annual '98
Writing: Joe Casey
Art: Paul Pelletier and Leo Fernandez

What Went Down:  A Stark-Fujikawa scientist named Doctor Beynon has just completed his invention, a miniturizer, with his robot assistant Hadley. Taking a break, Beynon decides to go with a colleague to Reed Richards’ press conference.  Beynon holds utter contempt for Richards, but goes regardless.

At the conference, Richards shows off his newest invention, a miniturizer of his own; Richards’ version is superior because, unlike Beynon, he though it might be more convenient to be able to return items to original size afterwards.  Beynon is escorted away from the conference after trying to confront Mr. Fantastic.  Later he is accused of stealing from Richards, even though he had been working on the invention for months. Losing his job, Beynon vows revenge on Reed Richards. 

At the X-Mansion, Cecilia Reyes is bored, and Beast is trying to entertain her with a game of chess.  He invites her to go to the opera with him, although Cecilia wants him to clarify whether it is a date.  Storm watches amusedly.  Elsewhere, Wolverine is forcing Cannonball to come with him to a poker game. 

Beynon breaks into the Stark offices to recover his invention.  He also discovers some other devices that he plans to use to exact his revenge.  At Pier 4, the FF’s new base, we learn that Reed and Sue just happen to be going to the same opera as Beast and Cecilia.  Meanwhile, the Thing is forcing the Human Torch to cancel his date to play poker with him and Wolverine. 

At the Met, Cecilia feels like everyone is staring at her because she hasn’t been out in public since being outed as a mutant.  Beast insists it’s just her imagination.  At the same time, the paparazzi are overwhelming Reed and Sue.  Back stage at the opera, Beynon has stolen the device that FF villain the Psycho Man uses to control the emotions of people.  He plans to use it during the opera.  Hidden in a closet, Beynon can’t tell if the device is working, but outside the actors and audience alike start going insane, jumping to anger and depression.

At the pier, Cannonball turns out to be really good at poker, even though he insists he doesn’t play.  Hadley, programmed into a Psycho Man robot, attacks the heroes.  Mr. Fantastic triggers the emergency flare before being overwhelmed by emotions.  After taking out the robot, Cannonball and the Torch fly off, while the other two run to their vehicles.

Inside the Met, Sue Richards attacks her husband while Cecilia attacks the Beast.  Wolverine and the Thing learn that both their vehicles have been smashed, so they have to get a taxi.  While in the taxi, the Psycho Man robot reactivates and goes after them.  The Psycho Man’s emotion controller shorts out due to all of the people it was controlling, and Beast and Mr. Fantastic confer to assess the situation.

Ben and Logan are attacked by the robot again and defeat it.  When everyone converges on the opera house, Beast and Reed have already captured Beynon.  While arguing about what to do with the Doctor, Beynon manages to get away, stealing the emotion controller as well. Upon returning to Stark-Fujikawa, Beynon is attacked by the actual Psycho Man.  The X-Men and FF soon show up to fight the villain.  Beynon actually tries to attack the heroes with a pipe.  The scientist tries to use his miniturizer on the FF, but it explodes taking Beynon and the Psycho Man with it.  Reed postulates that both of them have been sent to the microverse.

The issue ends with all the heroes returning to Pier 4 to relax.  Johnny and Sam have fallen asleep at the card table, while Ben and Logan continue to play adamantly. 

How It Was:  Uncanny’s annual teams them up with Marvel’s first family, the Fantastic Four.  In case you’re curious, the FF also had another annual in 1998 where they teamed up with an alternate version of themselves.  And this tale is written by future Uncanny scribe Joe Casey, who I believe was writing Cable at the time.  Anyway, you can see what Casey was going for, teaming the FF with their character equivalents on the X-Men: Beast and Reed are the intellectuals; Johnny and Sam are young, inexperienced, and energy-based fliers; Sue and Cecilia are serious and grounded nurturers who both have forcefields; and Thing and Wolverine are cigar chomping tough guys.

The biggest issue with this issue is the villain, Bradley Beynon.  He is this deluded, unintimidating, and unsympathetic whiner who has a weird fixation on Reed Richards.  He is so incompetent that he can’t figure out the Psycho Man’s emotion controller, even though it is essentially a box with buttons next to labels with emotion names on them.  I think he’s meant to be comedic, but Beynon is so over-the-top delusional that he’s hard to take.  I do like that Beynon has built a robot assistant, Hadley, with a dry, passive aggressive sense of humor.  Hadley gets some great lines, and I will say that it is interesting Beynon would build a helper who doesn’t mind taking him down a peg.

Casey has a great handle on all the heroes.  Thing and Beast’s comments are funny, which is crucial, and there are some great moments, such as Wolverine and Thing in a cab.  I also like the attention to character detail; Beast’s reaction to Psycho Man’s box is to be sad that he hasn’t cured the Legacy Virus, and the Invisible Woman is haunted by her time as the villain Malice and tells Mr. Fantastic that she was a better leader. 

There is an unintentional continuity hitch with Cannonball saying he’s never played poker, even though he has in X-Men #48.  In fact, that story featured the same order of events, where Cannonball insisted he wouldn’t be any good, then proceeded to clean out everybody.  It’s a small detail, so I can forgive it; you could even read into it that Cannonball is some kind of diabolical poker hustler, since I don’t think Wolverine was present at the last game, and the Thing left before Sam could play. 

Apologies for getting caught up in continuity details…it’s probably not that big of a deal.  As for the story, there are some good fights, even if the villains aren’t very interesting.  There is a weird plot hole where Beynon manages to escape and steal the emotion controller in the middle of eight super heroes discussing his fate.  Still, this is mostly a fun, slightly goofy team-up story that again has no real bearing on the bigger picture of the Marvel Universe.  It’s a mediocre story with some fantastic (reference intended) character moments.

B-

Uncanny X-Men #357

Uncanny X-Men #357
Writing: Steven Seagle

Art: Dan Norton

What Went Down:  On the streets of Ptarmigan Creek, Alaska, a swarm of crows has begun to attack people on the street.  Unaware of these events, the original five X-Men enjoy drinks at a local restaurant.  Jean has interrupted the conversation about Scott’s new direction because she finds it too serious for the get-together.  The team sees the pandemonium outside and jump into action. 

Outside they decide to help people while trying to remain incognito.  Each hero takes a turn saving civilians.  Sheriff Chris shows up and shoots a gun in the air, scaring off the birds.  Iceman presents his hypothesis that the crazy shaman is behind this, but nobody believes him. 

At the Agee Institute, Dr. Agee is examining Rogue’s DNA sample. He talks to his sister about how hideous Rogue is now, and how he’ll cure her as he did his sister.  It is revealed that his sister is a horrible looking monster in a glass tube.  At Scott and Jean’s cabin, the team discusses recent events while Jean gets into costume.  Staci’s sister Melissa barges in and sees the team as mutants.  She says she is okay with it because she has six toes on each foot, so she’s a mutant too. 

Up in space, Bishop (remember him) is still strapped to his bed while the ship he and Deathbird are on plummets towards a sun.  He convinces Deathbird to release him, feigning feelings for her, and the two are able to plot a new course towards a nearby planet. 

In Alaska the team gets into costume and splits up to get to the bottom of the rampaging crows.  Iceman goes after the crazy shaman, Beast and Archangel discover toxic waste in the birds’ habitat, and Cyclops and Jean rescue Chris and his deputy from a swarm of birds.  They are initially insulting to the mutants until their lives are saved by the X-Men. 

As the birds converge and the team reunites, the birds form a big person shape.  Jean discovers that one of the birds is a robot and destroys it at the same time that Cyclops blasts the person-shape and Iceman knocks out the shaman.  The bird-person dissipates, although nobody can say who was responsible.  Cyclops’ is weakened from the use of his power exacerbating his injuries, and Iceman discovers that the shaman’s “bag of enchantment” is full of bird see.  As the rest of the team walks away, Iceman sees the Indian guy’s spirit form into a bird and fly off (I think).  The bird announces the end of the issue.

How It Was:  So…this is an issue where the original X-Men fight a lot of birds.  Nuff said.  It really is that simple and there isn’t anything more to it.  Most disappointing of all is the way Jean derails Scott’s new idea for the X-Men; it’s hard to say if Seagle just never got around to it, or if he never had anything and was just teasing it to fill up space.  Either way it’s a bummer.

And then there’s the fighting with the birds.  This issue has some “so ridiculous they’re good” panels in it, such as Cyclops punching birds mid-air or Iceman beating birds with a sandwich board.  It’s the kind of thing that’s so absurd that it sort of works in an unintentionally humorous sort of way. 

Then we get to the ambiguous ending…I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be a true mystery or just playing off of the fact that the plot is so ridiculous that it shouldn’t matter.  It doesn’t really bother me at the end of the day, but I do find the robot bird’s presence a little odd.  There are some story inconsistencies; Cyclops and Jean fret the whole issue over Scott using his power because of his injuries.  However, he also manages to carry a grown man over his shoulder with absolutely no effect whatsoever.  Cyclops and Jean work so hard to maintain a low-profile, but they leave the door unlocked for Melissa to barge right in and learn everything.

Even odder is the pick-up of Bishop’s thread after about four months of losing track of it.  This is a pretty sudden shift, made even more abrupt by the solo focus on Bishop next issue.  As for the events affecting Rogue—this issue more or less states that Agee is crazy, yet the events of #359 seem to brush this aside if I remember right. 

This isn’t something that would sell a new comics reader, but it is fun for longtime X-Men fans to reconnect with the history of the book.  It’s too bad the veteran members of the team could not have had a bigger threat to go up against.  The crows sort of overwhelm this half of the story though, replacing ambiguous suppositions with the fun character moments from last issue.

C

Uncanny X-Men #356

Uncanny X-Men #356
Writing: Steven Seagle

Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down:  In the snowy north of Alaska, Archangel, Iceman, and Beast are in a cab on their way to visit Cyclops and Jean.  They’ve traveled all this way after listening to a concerned message from Scott.  The cab they’re in gets hit by a bird and crashes into a moose.  This allows the X-Men to meet secondary character Sheriff Chris Miller—Scott and Jean’s neighbor. Iceman sees a local crazy man and considers that he might be responsible.

Back at the mansion, Wolverine is waiting in the yard for SHIELD with the captive Karl Lykos, the alter ego of Sauron.  Wolverine has recaptured him off-panel after the end of #355.  Rogue shows up in her original costume and tells him she’s going to the city.  After Rogue flies away, there’s a big flash and Lykos is gone, presumably taken by GW Bridge.

In Alaska, the original X-Men are reunited and introduced to Chris’s wife and sister-in-law.  Inside, the X-Men ask Scott why he summoned them.  Scott is hesitant, because he doesn’t want to talk about Jean in front of her, so he talks about wanting to discuss a new direction for the X-Men.  Upstairs Cyclops explains to Beast that he is concerned about Jean’s powers and her wearing of the Phoenix costume.  He mentions that last time he saw Jean wear the costume he was silent while it took her over, but now he wants to stay on top of it. 

Downstairs the X-Men reminisce about the events of Uncanny X-Men #1 and discuss recent events in the comics.  They also discuss trying to find the Professor, although Jean says she’s been looking with her powers.  The room fills with smoke, and Warren flies up to find a dead bird clogging the chimney.  Staci’s sister sees Warren on the roof.

In Manhattan, Rogue observes Dr. Agee to see if she can trust him.  After seeing him leave a research facility called Mutopia, she confronts him.  He claims that Mutopia wanted him to join their consortium, but he declined.  During this conversation, Rogue slips into Gambit’s speech patterns for a moment. 

Scott and Jean take the rest of the X-Men out to a restaurant.  They’re forced to park far away due to a protest of the local Inuits over land rights.  Iceman sees the crazy shaman again, and Cyclops sits down with the X-Men to discuss his bold new direction from Xavier’s dream as a large flock of crows flies over the restaurant.

How It Was:  This is a random one, but it’s full of nostalgia and faithful characterization.  Seagle’s story is reminiscent of the quieter, more character-centric issues of X-Men that Scott Lobdell used to write after a big crossover.  The main difference is that this isn’t after a big crossover; it seems to be setting up a future Phoenix story or a new direction for the team, but it never really gets around to doing either.  All that really happens is an original X-Men reunion with some offbeat Twin Peaks-esque supernatural occurrences happening around it.

In spite of weird tone of the plot, the reunion is actually really nice to see.  Even though the majority of these characters have been in circulation for over thirty years by this point, most of them had been more or less overshadowed at the time by newer, more popular characters like Wolverine, Storm, Rogue, and Gambit.   Seagle nails the relationship of the group perfectly—the playfulness, the desire to help each other, the comfort these characters have around each other, and the way being around each other makes them feel younger.  The scene between Beast and Scott over Jean works really well; the concern Scott expresses feels authentic and it’s a strong use of continuity that reinforces the story, rather than convoluting it.  Seagle also has some fun trying to hide the Beast’s appearance, but the joke might go on for a little too long.

As far as weaknesses…well, Chris and Staci are still one-dimensional as ever, and so is their new sister Melissa.  And the bird storyline is just an odd direction to go; it really feels like a forced reason just to get the team into costume next issue.  There was a focusing on birds in #352 as well, so I do wonder if the cosmic entity in that story was meant to be the reason for Jean’s sudden interest in the Phoenix.  Ah, we’ll never know.  Bachalo makes the most of the imagery, and his designs for the characters are all vibrant (even if he gives Iceman a goofy soul patch). 

Also worth noting, the Rogue/Agee subplot has a lot of setup this issue that never plays off.  The Agee scenes especially are positioning him as a crazy villain, but all this gets forgotten soon enough.  As for Rogue being possessed by Gambit, this doesn’t pay off, except for maybe some throwaway lines from Rogue later.  Seagle’s character work is top notch this issue, even if his plot feels forced.  I like that the spotlight is being directed on characters that haven’t had it on them in a while.  It’s just really a shame that a lot of what is here gets dropped later on.

B-

X-Men #75

X-Men #75
Writing: Joe Kelly

Art: German Garcia

What Went Down:  Wolverine wakes up asking about Maggott.  Storm and Cannonball tell him that he’s been unconscious due to his severe injuries and needs rest; Wolverine ignores them and tells them to find Maggott and save him.  In an alley, Maggott yells at his slugs, thinking them responsible for the Salem Center murders.  He kicks them, but this causes him pain.  At the institute, Cecilia explains to Beast that the slugs couldn’t be the killers because the wounds on Wolverine are consistent with a post-mortem autopsy. 

We get a quick glimpse of a Russian person strapped to a table about to be cut up, followed by the X-Men searching for Maggott.  Cannonball brushes off Storm due to their conflict over Marrow, and Rogue explains that she and Marrow aren’t that different.  Wolverine returns to the N’garai cairn and finds it active; he is also weakened from his injuries.  Beast shows up with Cecilia, who is wearing one of the Wasp’s old costumes that Beast picked out for her after his adventures with the Avengers in Avengers #1-4 (Continuity, Yea!).  The group notices figures coming out of the cairn.

Maggott is about to turn himself over to some police officers, but Rogue stops him just in time.  Storm tries to convince Maggott it’s not hopeless, but his slugs run away, so he jumps off the roof after them.  Instead of landing on the ground, everyone goes through a portal to find a room of dead bodies.

Cecilia panics seeing the alien monsters.  Beast and Logan let her go, but quickly realize that the attackers can negate their powers with sorcery.  Cecilia is about to be eaten by an alien dog, but Marrow saves her and kills the one Beast is fighting.  More monsters show up with Wolverine’s bloody mask, making them think he is dead. 

Maggott materializes in front of some of the monsters.  He hopes they’ll kill him, but Wolverine shows up in tribal garb to save him.  Beast and Marrow are forced to observe the alien trying to pierce Cecilia’s forcefield.  When she calls him a N’garai, it gets angry and insists that it is called Pilgrimm.  Elsewhere Wolverine explains that time works differently in the N’garai world, and he’s been there for a lot longer than it would appear. 

The Pilgrimm explains to Cecilia that his people, the Ru’Tai, were the slave caste in the N’garai hierarchy, but Mai’keth the Undying One freed them and allowed them to ascend.  All of the X-Men converge, and a fight ensues.  Pilgrimm recognizes Wolverine as Mai’keth, the liberator of his people, and Wolverine realizes that his actions are responsible for giving Pilgrimm his power and killing all the people.  The whole team works together to destroy the Eye of Kierok—the source of Pilgrimm’s power, and Cecilia winds up being the one to save the day by sitting on it.  The X-Men save the remaining prisoners as the base crumbles; they exit the portal and wind up in Las Vegas.  Meanwhile, the alien N’garai have surrendered to the police, and Pilgrimm has escaped in the guise of the Russian he was torturing earlier. 

How It Was:  Remember when every 25 issues you were treated to a double-sized anniversary issue.  No…well that’s probably because nowadays comic books renumber every other year.  But in the eighties and nineties this was a standard tradition, or maybe it was a standard gimmick. So soon after the double-sized X-Men #70, this could’ve come off as excessive.  However this issue does feel like a defining moment in the overall adventures of the X-Men by presenting a story that allows the three new members to all step up and take their place on the team.  This is a classic X-Men saving the world tale, which seem to occur less and less as time goes on.

First off, the humor is great in this issue.  Whether it’s Wolverine’s take on the classic “time to make the donuts” line, Marrow’s handling of the alien monsters, or the Beast’s attempts to provide Cecilia with a super hero uniform, this issue is just full of smiles.  Which isn’t to say that it’s all laughs; Kelly mixes the jokes with very human moments for the characters.  Beast’s moment where he thinks he solved the Legacy Virus is a great, out of nowhere touch that shows the true insecurities behind his jolly demeanor.  Some of it is a little over the top—I can’t see Wolverine feeling so guilty about being responsible for deaths that he freezes up instead of flipping out, and Maggott’s desperation seems over done at times.  But it’s nice to see something beyond the goofy Maggott we all know (and some of us love); here he is fragile and vulnerable which goes a long way in making him sympathetic. 

Plus I really enjoy Kelly’s nods to continuity.  The macguffin is the Eye of Kierokk, which ties to the N’garai’s first appearance.  Rogue’s discussion with Storm over Marrow is also really well handled.  This is a double-sized issue that manages to handle a lot of things, and balances it all mostly well.

There are some pacing issues.  The second third of the issue gets bogged down in mythos and exposition.  A lot of it is confusing—there’s a lot about the differences between the N’garai and this new type of N’garai that is essentially the same thing.  And it’s never really revealed why Pilgrimm can control Maggott’s slugs or what they were doing at the crime scene.  Mostly minor issues.

Garcia’s art is pretty fantastic, and it’s understandable that Pacheco wouldn’t want to do a second double-sized issue so soon after the last one.  His designs for the N’garai are pretty awesome, and I just love Marrow’s reactions in this one.  Reading this, I was struck by how superior it was to many team books today.  While it seems like common sense to build up new characters with stories like this, to show growth and stakes of some kind, I can’t help but notice the trend today of introducing members to teams and then completely ignoring them for months, or even years, as they fade to the background.  Kelly and Seagle both should be commended for writing these characters and trying to invest readers in them by creating significant moments for them.

A

In Case You're Interested...

The X-Men's New Year's Resolutions for 1998

Beast: 1) Eat fewer Twinkees. 2) Read more 15^th Century texts. 3) Cure Legacy Virus.

Cecilia: I want to finish my residency… and get a life going again.

Wolverine: To be the best there is at what I do…soon as I figure out just what that is.

Storm: Find the wisdom in my leadership.  Learn from my friends.  Reestablish my relationship with Mother Earth.

Maggott: To do right by my new friends…to become an X-Man…To be free.

X-Men #73

X-Men #73
Writing: Joe Kelly

Art: Jeff Johnson

What Went Down:  It’s New Year’s Eve and Joseph is contemplating his place on the team.  His meditation is interrupted by a pillow to the head as Rogue yells at him for watching her sleep.  Downstairs the X-Men are wallpapering the mansion with terrible-looking green and red striped paper.  Beast jumps down and reads a letter written from Professor X in prison, but it depresses Wolverine because in reality Charles is a prisoner for being who he is.  Joseph speaks of Charles’ tenacity and spirit, but Wolverine storms off anyway. 

In the Zero Tolerance Hulkbuster base, Senator Kelly is being led by an assistant to go and free Charles Xavier.  In Rio de Janeiro, Sebastian Shaw is ignoring his assistant who is organizing the Hellfire Club’s New Year’s Ball.  Back at the mansion, Maggott is talking to his slugs about how nice it is to have new friends when Joseph appears and asks him to explain how he knows Magneto.  Outside, a mystery person observes them.

In an autopsy room, a cop and a forensics specialist go over another victim of the mystery murderer in Salem.  While the victim looks to be mauled by an animal, marks on his body resemble internal examinations.  At Xavier’s, Marrow knocks over Cecilia while stealing her bag and medical books.  Cecilia chases after Marrow, knocking Beast away with her force field.  Although Marrow gets away, Beast is impressed that she used her powers offensively. 

Beast also shows her a morale boosting exercise.  He has pinned a sheet of paper on the wall for X-Men to post New Year’s resolutions on.  One of Beast’s goals is to cure the Legacy Virus, so Cecilia bets him that he can’t do it in a year.  Beast accepts the bet, and invites her to record her own goal.

Up in the air, Joseph recaps how Maggott called him friend in Antarctica.  Maggott’s internal monologue explains that the real Magneto has sworn him to secrecy.  Joseph is attacked by energy blasts, causing him to drop Maggott.  The attacker is Sabra, and she is there to apprehend Joseph, thinking he is Magneto.

At Shaw’s party, we get cameos from Norman Osborn, Warren Worthington, Betsy Braddock, and Tony Stark.  Fitzroy interrupts Shaw for official inner circle business, but Shaw is depressed that the Inner Circle has failed so often, and that by next year there probably won’t even be one.

Storm and Wolverine both fill out Beast’s sheet, and Storm tries to apologize to Logan for pushing him to solve her problem with Marrow.  Wolverine brushes it off, saying he knew what he was getting into, and that he still showed Marrow that she wasn’t invincible. 

In Germany the parcel addressed to Storm from Africa is about to be sent back for insufficient postage.  Some African tribal warriors appear and threaten the postmaster.

Sabra easily defeats Maggott.  She is about to kill Joseph when Maggott explains that he isn’t really Magneto.  In the OZT base, Senator Kelly discovers that Charles Xavier’s cell is empty.  At the Hellfire Club party, Shaw tells a mystery person called Wraith that he accepts, and the picture of the gold idol bursts into flames.  Sabra wakes Joseph up, and Maggott tells him that he isn’t the real Magneto.  Sabra offers him a chance to find out who he really is, but he must leave with her now without saying goodbye to his friends, since he may be part of a plot of some kind.  As the two leave, Sabra reveals that she knows Maggott’s real name is Japheth.

Finally, Beast watches the ball drop at midnight by himself.  He is depressed that no one else joined him, until he finds that four of the X-Men have added their own resolutions to his.

How It Was:  This is a fun one, and I have to say that most of this is due to Joe Kelly’s awesome writing of the Beast.  The jolly genius is the heart of this issue, trying to look devil may care, but also showing distress at the state of the team currently.  His New Year’s resolutions are fun and hopeful, and I enjoy the playful nature of his relationship with Cecilia Reyes.  Some might take this as being unfaithful to Trish Tilby, but Trish is so boring and generic anyways.  Bottom line: every panel with Beast in it is delightful.

As for the story depicted on the cover, this turns out to be more of Maggott’s story than Joseph’s.  I’ve always liked Maggott; he’s got a unique power and his dialogue is usually pretty funny (I love how he hopes Storm is showering outside again).  However after rereading this issue, I am starting to see why he was never a runaway hit with the fans.  Namely, he gets his butt kicked a lot.  I never realized it before, but he gets trounced by Psylocke, Juggernaut, Sauron, and now royally by Sabra.  It’s a shame that he never puts up much of a fight because I feel like he’s an unconventional and likable character.

As for Joseph…poor Joseph.  For a while he was the exciting new direction of the X-Men—the good Magneto, trying to redeem himself without falling to the same fate of his past life.  But over time he just got pushed further and further to the background.  Now with the new recruits coming, nobody really has time for him, so Joseph has to go.  I understand where the creators were coming from with an already overabundant cast of characters, but I always felt that Joseph should’ve had a better exit.  At the very least he deserved a goodbye to the other characters.  Here Joseph just gets told a bunch of stuff the reader already knew from Uncanny #350 and X-Men #72, then he’s shipped off with Maggott’s real name thrown in as a sign of good will.  Pretty disappointing for such a noble character.

Outside of the weak fight with Sabra, and her seemingly out of nowhere fixation with Magneto, the rest of the book is solid.  Along with Beast’s goofiness, the scene where Wolverine and Storm talk about Marrow is excellent.  It shows their relationship and personalities off to the tee.  Johnson’s pencils aren’t as sharp as Pacheco’s, but they’re still bright and clear.  Kelly continues to excel at bringing these characters out and making their relationships and conflicts readable and fun.

B+

Uncanny X-Men #349

Uncanny X-Men #349

Writing: Scott Lobdell

Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down:  Maggott is up on top of the World Trade Center, reliving memories from people who have visited the monument.  Note that this is a power of Maggott’s that will never appear again.  Anyways, he finds the memory of Joseph kissing Rogue in the Christmas issue, and wonders why the moment was so significant for the girl. Out of nowhere we see the pink effect of Psylocke’s power.

Back in the underground Antarctic cave, Trish Tilby recaps the plot of the story up until now with internal monologue.  She finds that her boyfriend the Beast has been turned human by the technology in the cave.  Also, the attackers from last issue have vanished for no reason.

In the dungeon, Gambit sits brooding over his decision to sleep with Rogue.  He thinks that he doesn’t deserve happiness, and he’s also worried how she will feel when she finds out about his secret.  Rogue comes up to him hugging him and thanking him sincerely for the experience.  She tells him that she loves him; Gambit responds that she doesn’t even know him and runs off.

Below the WTC, despite seeing the effect of Psylocke’s powers, Maggott roams the street vendors unassaulted.  Then in the middle of a crowd, Psylocke just starts beating the heck out of Maggott.  When asked why, she just keeps repeating some vague nonsense about sensing a great darkness in him without any other justification.  Also it’s important to note that Psylocke has some new powers and personality quirks due to her exposure to the Crimson Dawn that were detailed in a mini-series with her and Archangel.  Maggott decides to fight back and turns blue while up in the sky Archangel watches the battle. 

Grovel tries to get Gambit to open up about his feelings.  Gambit wants to tell Rogue the truth about his past, but he is afraid of losing her.  On the other end of the cell, Spat tries to help Rogue remember what is bothering Gambit.  Joseph bursts through the door with a broken robot.  Gambit picks the locks on their chains, even though earlier he said he couldn’t, and the group begins their escape.

Back in New York, Maggott and Psylocke fight.  Psylocke uses her psychic blade on Maggott, but for some reason she can’t focus, and one of his slug’s tries to eat her.  Archangel swoops down in time to hit it away with a post.  Warren questions the wisdom of seeking out this threat when there are so many already, but Psylocke insists that there is “great darkness” in him. 

Nanny shows up to foil the escape plan at the South Pole, all while a mystery person watches on a monitor.  Nanny decides she is just going to kill everyone, but her head gets knocked off at the last second.  The Beast guessed that since Trish Tilby was human, Nanny wouldn’t recognize her as a threat, so he had Trish hit Nanny really hard with a crowbar.  The X-Men get their powers back, but Gambit decides to go with Spat and Grovel to accept the consequences for his mystery actions.  He still refuses to tell Rogue what is bothering him.

How It Was:  Well, I’ll be…finally some action in a super hero story.  Of course none of it occurs in the main ongoing plot thread involving the majority of the team.  Instead we get a fight with Maggott and Psylocke, which is probably a little hard to follow since the audience doesn’t know what Maggott’s powers are or why he is turning blue.  The fight itself is nicely done by Bachalo, but it’s a little anti-climactic to have Warren stop the slug with a post, especially after it ate an entire truck in a previous issue.  The main problem with this thread is that Psylocke comes off as a huge jerk jumping Maggott for no substantial reason.  She just keeps babbling about the darkness in him, but that describes like half the X-Men at any time.  Plus, like most 90’s X-Men threads, she completely forgets about it after this story concludes.

In fact the only thing that might be more anticlimactic would be to have Trish Tilby beat the villain in one hit after three issues of this storyline.  It’s not so much that I mind Trish delivering the final blow and showing that she can actually be useful.  It’s just that I’d like to see the heroes fight the army of cannon fodder robots for a couple of panels at least. 

Once again, the most interesting aspect of this story remains the complex and conflicting feelings Gambit continues to have over his past and his relationship with Rogue.  I like that Gambit and Rogue having sex makes Gambit feel more guilty, calling into question whether his motivations were to make Rogue feel better, or just to dodge her questions and make her feel more attached to him.  I still don’t like Spat and Grovel, but using them as sounding boards for the characters to express their feelings isn’t a terrible use for them.  Most important of all, after years and years of teasing, the X-staff is finally getting to Gambit’s big secret in the next issue.  Yes, most fans had already guessed the specifics at this point, but at least it was going to be over.  This story though was an unnecessary diversion from the final goal.  Yes the moments with Rogue and Gambit were important, but absolutely everything else in the last three issues can pretty much be forgotten.  Not Lobdell’s finest work, which is disappointing since this is his final story arc, but the Gambit/Rogue stuff was pretty well done, even if it could’ve all happened in one issue.

D

Uncanny X-Men #348

Uncanny X-Men #348

Writing: Scott Lobdell

Art: Joe Madureira 

What Went Down:  Joseph, Gambit, Rogue, and the bounty hunters Spat and Grovel start off preparing to battle Nanny and her army of robots and cyborg animals.  Joseph recognizes Nanny, leading to concerns from the X-Men that Magneto’s memories might be returning.  Instead of a battle, Nanny just turns on a power dampener and defeats all of them…after three pages of battle poses.  Trish Tilby observes the X-Men being captured and runs back to tell the Beast.

Elsewhere in space, Deathbird is talking to an injured Bishop.  She tells him that he has been severely wounded, the X-Men are all dead, and now they will rule the Shi’ar Empire together.  Back on Earth, we find out that the underground caves were below Antarctica, and Nanny has taken the heroes to one of Magneto’s old bases. Rogue isn’t feeling well, and she even takes on the personality of Sabretooth for a moment, yelling at Gambit for working with Essex.  When Rogue doesn’t remember any of this, Gambit tells her she didn’t say anything important.

In a separate room, Joseph is being served by Nanny, but he is still chained up.  The robot insists that he is Magneto, but will not free him.  However she does show him newsfeeds of the Operation Zero Tolerance invasion, as well as images of the other X-Men who were captured by the Sentinels.  When a picture of Moira MacTaggert appears, Joseph feels an unexplainable need for vengeance.

Next we get a page of Archangel and Psylocke returning to Warren’s apartment to find it trashed after events in X-Men #67, which I will get to later.  Psylocke disappears while Archangel looks at some bullet casings. 

In Antarctica, Beast takes a page to reflect on why he shouldn’t date because his lifestyle puts the ones he loves in danger.  He discovers restraints that Magneto trapped the X-Men in from way back in Uncanny #112-113, also Nanny’s first appearance.  It appears that people are sneaking up on Beast, but next issue this is completely forgotten, so just ignore it.

Gambit, Rogue, and the bounty hunters have been chained to stakes in a dungeon.  Gambit demands to know who and why Gambit is being hunted.  Spat responds that he knows why, and he wouldn’t believe who.  Gambit’s memories overtake Rogue; she is caught in a memory where Gambit saved a girl named Sarah, who later grew up to be Marrow.  Rogue forgets the memory as soon as it is over, and Gambit refuses to tell her what it was.  Instead he suggests that this might be their last night alive, and since their powers are negated, they can actually consummate their relationship.

How It Was:  Is it possible to have a story where too much is going on, but not a lot is actually happening?  That’s what this feels like.  There are lots of different scenes, but we don’t learn anything new from most of them.  Beast brooding about his relationship is nothing new, and the scene with Betsy and Warren doesn’t lead to anything until next issue.  There’s a pretty long scene with Nanny mentioning that Joseph might be Magneto (something we already know), and Joseph learning about Operation Zero Tolerance (something we already know).  Plus the sequence where Beast remembers the first Nanny story isn’t important to the plot at all.  Add the five-page non-fight at the beginning of the book, and the continued presence of Spat and Grovel (although Landscape has completely disappeared for no reason; he was so boring the story actually forgot about him), and this is a book that is doing a lot to make me dislike it.

What saves this book, and actually makes it a great deal better than last issue, is the Gambit/Rogue material.  Having Rogue’s memories of Gambit’s actions resurface and having her unable to remember them herself is a neat device, and Gambit’s reactions to them are well handled.  I also like that Gambit decides to ask Rogue to sleep with him, and even better, his motivations for doing this might be a little bit selfish.  Gambit’s guilt and his fear of being discovered are infinitely more compelling than anything else going on in this book at the moment.  Plus I like that it’s done with subtlety; the scene is more effective because we don’t get to see it.  Even with the Rogue/Gambit stuff, I can still only give this a mild recommendation.

C-

Uncanny X-Men #342

Uncanny X-Men #342
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: The X-Men appear in a spaceship after being teleported from New York last issue. Gladiator obviously hasn’t planned this mission very well since the ship the X-Men materialize in is out of control, with questionable life support functions. Poor Beast has to figure out how to make the ship work, and eventually gets it to slow down. But once the ship finally compensates for passengers, the X-Men learn that they are heading right for an asteroid field. The X-Men have to choose between staying the course and reaching the star gate, or going around the asteroids and missing it. Joseph volunteers to move the asteroids with his powers, and oddly Gambit is the only one who backs him up on his choice. The X-Men make it to the gate and decide that they’re needed in Shi’ar space, so they take the ship through.

Back at the mansion, Cannonball tells the rest of the X-Men what happened to the X-Men in space. Wolverine is not very happy about it.

On the ship, Joseph thanks Gambit for supporting him, and Gambit alludes that untrustworthy people need to stick together. Beast tries to apologize to Trish for getting her caught up in this deadly mission, but in the long tradition of comic book reporter girlfriends (Lois Lane, Vicki Vale, April O’Neil, Roxanne Simpson, Melita Garner, etc.), Trish is excited for the opportunity to be along for the adventure, as long as she can get a scoop. Oh, and she manages to find some midriff-revealing space battle armor to wear.

In the mansion, Cyclops is attempting to contact the Shi’ar, but fails. Wolverine suggests following them into space, but Storm cautions that with the anti-mutant climate the way it is, the rest of the X-Men are probably needed on Earth.

Back in space, everybody else finds new space armor costumes. Why? Probably to sell action figures. Bishop is contemplating how out of place he feels. Even though he’s been with the X-Men for a while, he doesn’t really consider them true friends. Rogue gives him a pep talk about how it takes time to find a place with people, but the ship coming out of the stargate interrupts them. They come out in front of a devastated flotilla of war ships from the Shi’ar; the computer explains that they are no life signs on any of the ships, but the X-Men go to investigate anyways.

On one of the ships, Rogue and Beast realize that right now it’s Christmas on Earth. Also, someone stole the power core of the ship. Joseph finds that he can’t use his powers on the alien metals, while Gambit thinks about his own dark secrets. Even though the computer said there were no life signs, Bishop discovers a badly injured Deathbird who begs them to save the Shi’ar.

How It Was: Well, this story sure declined in quality fast. For many X-Men readers, adventures in space tend to frustrate them because it is really getting away from the themes of the book. Now I’m not one of those readers, I think some of the best X-Men stories have involved the Shi’ar and the Imperial Guard, but this isn’t one of them. The issue doesn’t even get off to a great start when the X-Men meet their first in a series of unnatural, completely forced conflicts. Why does Gladiator send the X-Men onto a ship that is about to kill them? I don’t know. Why are they going towards an asteroid field? I don’t know. There is no logic behind any of these events and it really hurts the credibility of the story and takes me completely out of it. Plus it’s just not interesting.

While Lobdell tries to take a quiet moment for his characters to reflect, even these bits feel more forced than usual. Bishop’s view of the X-Men as not his real friends seems pretty forced, especially after all the trouble Beast, Gambit, and Storm have been going to in the various X-Books. Yes, as a time traveler in the distant past, Bishop is entitled to feel out of place, but this really feels like Lobdell is ignoring some developments of the character so it feels more natural when he’s written out of the book in a couple of issues. Beast and Trish’s conversation is about what you’d expect, yet Gambit and Joseph’s relationship feels like it’s getting some complexity since you can’t really tell what Remy’s motivations are.

The new costumes are generic looking and completely unnecessary, but what are you going to do? Joe Mad’s art does provide some pretty amazing looking spaceships to see. But there are plenty of sci-fi comics to see spaceships in (heck, Marvel has its own cosmic line of books that are primarily about traveling through outer space). By itself, this feels like a dragged out episode, which doesn’t have any compelling conflicts to drive the story. Instead of spending an issue getting to the abandoned ships, there’s no real reason the issue couldn’t have started there instead. Very disappointing after the last issue.

D+

Uncanny X-Men #341

Uncanny X-Men #341
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira 

What Went Down: It’s Christmas Eve in New York, and the X-Men are out on the town. Beast invites his teammates to join him for dinner with his girlfriend Trish Tilby, but everyone has other plans: Joseph has a surprise for Rogue, Gambit is trying to avoid Joseph and Rogue, and Bishop just wants to spend a quiet evening alone. Cannonball wants to take up the offer, but he still has to do some last minute Christmas shopping for his siblings.

On his way to the toy store, Sam reflects on the events of the past year, but he is still able to muster some good old-fashioned Christmas cheer. Of course, when he reaches the store, it’s a madhouse and nothing he wants to buy is still available. Luckily for us readers, an alien pops out of a portal in the middle of the store and interrupts Sam’s shopping. The alien just happens to be Gladiator of the Shi’ar Imperial Guard, and he is searching for the X-Men.

At the same time, Joseph uses his powers to lift a horse and carriage through the air to create a romantic atmosphere for Rogue. The carriage driver thanks Joseph for the experience and talks about how he’s figured out that most mutants are decent people. In a little aside, the Marvel Universe version of Marvel editor Bob Harras is working late in the office, but he decides to go home and see his family upon witnessing the floating carriage.

Back in the city, Cannonball and Gladiator get into a fight because Sam assumes Gladiator is attacking him. Cannonball holds his own fairly well against an opponent that is supposed to be invincible.

On top of the World Trade Center (yes, this is pre-9/11), Joseph has moved the Z’nox chamber to the roof and modified it to block Rogue’s powers. Rogue is hesitant, but Joseph is able to use the machine and give her a kiss on the forehead.

Back at the fight, Gladiator prepares to throw Cannonball into the sun. Cannonball is able to use his blast shield to absorb the force of Gladiator’s attack. Then, right when Gladiator sees that Sam is fine and begins to doubt himself, Sam is able to knock him out. The other X-Men show up after seeing the fight from far away, and Gladiator begs for their help in rescuing the Shi’ar Empire after being forbidden to interfere by Lilandra. Gladiator uses some devices to teleport all the X-Men and Trish Tilby (but minus Cannonball) to a waiting space ship. Gladiator claims he can’t send Sam because it wouldn’t be honorable to send a youth into battle, and hopes the X-Men succeed for the sake of the universe.

How It Was: This issue feature one of my least favorite genre conventions in it: the fight between two characters with common interests who can’t find the time to stop and talk about the situation. Plus it’s a holiday issue, so there is a good chance that this could’ve turned out hokey. But Lobdell manages to squeeze out some really great moments to make this rise above the mediocrity that has been plaguing recent issues of the series.

First off, I have to say that this is the coolest Sam Guthrie has been since leaving X-Force. After disappearing for no reason in the middle of Onslaught, then being assigned to watch Graydon Creed only to do nothing as the candidate was assassinated, Cannonball has not had a lot to do recently. And even before that he was being portrayed as a bumbling novice who was overly intimidated by the X-Men. Here Cannonball gets to shine by taking on an adversary with the powers of Superman, and it is just great. Sure the motivating factors behind the fight are lacking since Gladiator really should’ve just explained his purpose instead of wasting his time trying to kill the person he needs help from. But it’s an impressive fight, and even though it has no purpose as far as the story is concerned, it does succeed in reminding readers of how cool Cannonball can be.

The other standout moments revolve around Rogue and Joseph. The visual of the carriage floating through the city over skyscrapers is pretty stunning in it of itself, although I could do with out the driver’s drawn out explanation about his principles. The part that works perfectly is of course, the kiss. Lobdell has always excelled in the area of characterization and relationships, and here he shows that he understands what romance truly is. Instead of going for the clichéd, over-the-top makeout scene that most creators would have gone for in the nineties, Lobdell has Joseph give Rogue a subtle kiss on the forehead. It’s an elegant, tender moment that demonstrates how to make people care about a relationship; it’s not about sex, it’s about compassion and gentleness, and Joe Mad renders Rogue’s reaction pitch perfect. It’s a genuinely great emotional moment, and probably the highlight of Joseph’s stint as an X-Man.

In fact, Madureira is firing on all cylinders with this issue, which is odd since it’s mostly a quiet, contemplative issue. From the skyline of New York, to the ice skater in the background of a snowy central park, Madureira just makes the issue feel like Christmas and captures the beauty and electricity of winter in the city. Even his scene in the toy store manages to capture the right tone while containing a wealth of movement and chaos.

The issue does have its head slapping moments. It is really contrived that Gladiator would just happen to show up in the toy store that Cannonball was shopping in, but I can let that one go. The real head-smacker occurs at the end, after Cannonball has wiped the floor with the invulnerable Gladiator, and then Gladiator sends all the X-Men against their will into space except for the guy that just beat. He makes up some dumb excuse about it being dishonorable to send a youth into battle, but the idiot Gladiator just sent the powerless Trish Tilby up with the X-Men to go on his suicide mission. It really makes absolutely no sense whatsoever after a whole issue building Sam up.

Still, this is the best Uncanny is going to be for a long while. Even though I’ve said it a million times before, I’ll say it again. This is where Lobdell’s strengths lie—in these quiet, contemplative issues that take the time to explore the heads of a couple of characters to see where they are at emotionally. It’s a lot of fun and actually handles emotion well without feeling corny or heavy-handed. This one is definitely worth a look, especially for Rogue and Cannonball fans.

A

X-Men #59

X-Men #59
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Ralph Macchio
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Cyclops is in a near-empty theater watching Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Instead of drawing scenes from the movie, the art department has decided to Photoshop screen shots of the movie onto the screen. Jean shows up and surprises Scott, even though he knows that she’s a telepath. Although the theater is empty, someone tells them to be quiet. Jean asks him about Alex, but he just wants to watch the movie.

Back at the Institute, Bishop is getting beat up again by the second guest hero in two issues. Hercules has thrown Bishop through the wall and seems confused as to how his greeting could have hurt Bishop that much. Beast explains the Onslaught storyline to Hercules, and Bishop threatens to beat up Herc, but is held back by Beast. Hercules has stopped by looking for Quicksilver because he wants to team up with the remaining Avengers, since he has been condemned to Earth by his father Zeus.

Quicksilver is outside wondering how he’s going to face his daughter and tell her that her mother is dead. Wolverine gives him a pep talk about being strong for her like Crystal and Wanda would have wanted. Quicksilver runs into Joseph, who is busy building a machine to block Rogue’s powers. Quicksilver yells at him for not realizing all the lives he’s ruined, and then runs away.

Back in the theater, Scott tells Jean how he always liked movies as a way to escape from the reality of being a sickly orphan whose brother was adopted. The two kiss each other. At Creed’s campaign headquarters, Iceman reads a fax that says his father was arrested after Trish Tilby’s talk show and refused to give his name. Cannonball walks in on Creed talking on the phone; he claims he was discussing strategy with his parents. Sam knows who his parents are so he wonders what Creed meant. Outside, Bobby asks Carly if she thinks Creed is going to be elected. Carly responds, “What is, is,” which is the motto of the Askani in the future.

As Quicksilver and Hercules depart, Joseph flies up to the plane and apologizes to Quicksilver, who responds that maybe someday it will mean something. Hercules cautions the dangers of holding a grudge, but Pietro is distant. Cyclops and Jean exit the theater and he wonders if it’s silly that he wasted the day watching movies. He realizes that the fate of the X-Men is up to him, but he’s hopeful because Jean is by his side.

How It Was: Alright, Hercules stops by the mansion for no good reason other than to force a recap of the Onslaught storyline and write Quicksilver out of the book. Hercules comes off as a bit of a tool here, throwing Bishop through a wall and then acting surprised by it. Quicksilver gets some nice development, although it’s a couple of months too late in my opinion. Shouldn’t he have gone to visit his daughter many issues ago? Wolverine’s speech to Pietro feels a lot more like common sense than pearls of wisdom, but how else can Lobdell explain why Quicksilver is still around unless he goes the route of fear.

The Creed storyline is still around, and a whole lot of nothing is still happening there. The reveal that Carly Alverez might be an Askani from the future is interesting, but like so many things in this era, it is totally forgotten about later. Cyclops’ scenes are an unexpected choice. There’s nothing really special about his interactions with Jean, but it’s nice to see him acknowledging the weight of being in charge of the X-Men in the Professor’s absence.

At this point it’s been three months since Onslaught wrapped up, and it still feels like nothing significant has happened at all. Instead of following up on Archangel’s transformation or Havok’s terrorist activity, we’re left with the very boring Creed storyline, and Hercules’ unnecessary visit. This is just filler until somebody can come up with a proper direction for the books to take, and it’s a shame because there are so many possible directions. Very weak plotting, and Macchio’s script can’t compare to Lobdell’s normally insightful character interaction.

D