Team X 2000 #1

Team X 2000 #1

Writing: Sean Ruffner and A. Smithee

Art: Kevin Lau

 
What Went Down:  Deathbird opens describing a vivid dream to Bishop where she is fighting Shi’ar vermin, then biting the head off of a bird.  Bishop attempts to interpret the dream while the two play chess; Deathbird cannot get over some of the rules of the game.  It is implied that the two have had relations with each other, though Bishop insists it was a mistake.  Their ship comes across an uncharted jump-gate, and then they are attacked by an Ursaa ship (the guys from Uncanny #358).  Bishop decides to chance going in the gate.

Upon exiting the jump-gate, the ship comes out in orbit around Earth, but the planet is surrounded by Shi’ar warships for some reason.  On Earth, it is revealed that Alanna Nermani, the daughter of Lilandra, is the ruler of a war-torn future version of Earth. Archangel, Sauron, Dazzler, and Vulture are all servants of Alanna.  The queen is alerted to the discovery of Bishop’s ship.

Taken aboard one of the warships, Bishop and Deathbird encounter some Shi’ar soldiers.  Deathbird attacks them, but she is shot by a stun blast; Bishop decides not to intercede, allowing himself to be taken prisoner.  Shi’ar scientists confirm to Alanna that Deathbird is the genuine article, so Alanna orders her released.  Deathbird learns that the year is 2018, and the Shi’ar have conquered Earth.  Meanwhile Bishop is stuck in a prison cell with a depowered Cain Marko, normally the Juggernaut. Cain isn’t sure whether Bishop is real, but explains some of the history of the planet.

Bishop is escorted to a healing pool where Deathbird is already bathing.  Bishop doesn’t trust Alanna, but Deathbird insists it is all right.  Alanna goes to a truth-seer, who informs her that Deathbird will be the key to her triumph or defeat.

The next day Alanna takes Deathbird and Bishop on a tour of New York to discuss restoring Deathbird’s name and royal title to her.  The people of New York are being starved by the Shi’ar for not turning in the rebels.  A disguised Longshot confirms Bishop’s identity and calls Cable.  Alanna is confronted by some starving peasants and demonstrates that she has psychic powers, due to the fact that her father was Charles Xavier.

The rebels of this world, the Morlocks, attack so they can liberate Bishop.  The group consists of  Cable, Longshot, Falcon, and Vertigo-the present day Jubilee. Vertigo is almost killed by Sauron, but Falcon sacrifices himself to save her, while Longshot is captured due to Deathbird’s interference.

Back at the Morlock base, Bishop is introduced to their leader, an eyepatch wearing Wolverine.  Dr. Doom is also a member of the rebellion. Wolverine explains that the Avengers, X-Men, Lilandra, and Professor X were all killed by Alanna, who studied the history of her aunt Deathbird.  This allowed her to take over the planet.  Beast, Doom, and Hank Pym planned on seeding the past with time gates to bring help from the past, but their plan was foiled by soldiers before they could finish; Bishop’s gate was a freak accident.

The Morlocks use Vulture to infiltrate the Shi’ar celebration for Deathbird.  When offered her birthright, Deathbird refuses saying that the title means nothing to her.  While Bishop takes on Sauron, Deathbird and Alanna fight as well.  Bishop sets off the explosives after the control is damaged, and uses Sauron to survive as they both absorb the energy from the explosion.  Alanna’s telepathic powers allow her to anticipate Deathbird’s moves, but Deathbird is able to defeat Alanna using a pressure point that Bishop taught her off-panel.  Deathbird shows mercy on Alanna and kisses Bishop.

With Alanna defeated, the Morlocks send Bishop and Deathbird back to their own time.  Doom leaves the base, telling Cable that next time they may not be on the same side. 

How It Was:  This is actually a fun little diversion for X-fans.  Regular readers will know that I’m a sucker for alternate reality/future stories, and for such a brief one, this does deliver some neat alternate moments.  I especially like the all too short visit with crazy Cain Marko, and the little touches like Falcon’s importance in the resistance, or Wolverine and Sauron’s rivalry.  Some aspects never get the room to pay off: Dr. Doom is introduced as an unknown quantity, but never affects the resolution one way or the other.  Also Jubilee has been renamed Vertigo for no particular reason, and I can’t tell if the team of rebels is supposed to be called the Morlocks or Team X because the script uses both.

I am wholly unfamiliar with the writers of this story, but I’m happy that they continue the solid relationship established between Deathbird and Bishop.  The romantic tension mixed with utter contempt and unpredictable motivations makes for great reading.  What I really like is that while Uncanny #358 focused mostly on Bishop’s history and perspective, Team X is much more about Deathbird.  From her cryptic dreams to confronting her relationship with her identity and family, it’s nice to see the character struggle with these conflicting aspects.  Although the reader can probably assume that Deathbird will side with Bishop, it’s still interesting to see how it all plays out.

The plot mechanics are a little frustrating.  The Morlocks’ plan to use time traveling gates to bring heroes from the past makes no sense; why not use them to travel back and change the future?  Plus I really don’t understand why they needed other heroes to implement their straightforward plan at the end.  It feels like the plot itself could’ve been resolved without Bishop or Deathbird; somebody else would’ve just had to kill Alanna.  Still, the fighting is solid and there are some hastily constructed, but solid character interaction.

The art style is manga, but for some reason it doesn’t bother as much as the style normally does.  Sure it does slip into ridiculousness with the scantily clad Shi’ar servants, and Jubilee’s redesign is super-cyberpunk anime influenced, but the action is clear, the expressions are never distorted or exaggerated, and just about all the characters are on model.  To tell you the truth, I like Lau’s work slightly more than I like Joe Madureira’s.

This is a little story that continues to build on the relationship between Bishop and Deathbird.  I like where it takes the characters, and I like the time travel gimmick because it doesn’t overstay its welcome.  Bishop traveling through time works a lot better with the character’s roots than Bishop in space.  This is definitely a peek if you can find it for cheap.

B+

Uncanny X-Men #358

Uncanny X-Men #358
Writing: Steven Seagle

Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down:  Bishop opens and narrates this one-off story as he and Deathbird have crash-landed on an alien planet.  Bishop internally recaps the circumstances that have led him to this point, and then rescues Deathbird from the wreckage.  They are beset by a group of alien scavengers who shoot Bishop with a harpoon, so he can’t absorb it.  They fight off the scavengers, and an alien named Karel, who speaks perfect English, offers to give them transportations.

Karel explains that the scavengers are called the Ursaa.  He also tells them that he is a freedom fighter whose world was invaded by the Chnitt, the same aliens who shot down Bishop’s ship.  The group discovers that Karel’s camp was attacked by Chnitt while he was rescuing Bishop and Deathbird, so he takes them to his friend Tu.  Karel tells Bishop that he has come to this planet to retrieve a weapon that will raze the Chnitt from his home.  The planet they are on is a trader’s planet, so Karel plans to use a warp gate to return home.  Bishop thinks he might have a chance to get back to Earth.  Deathbird internally chides him, saying that she loves him and will force him back to the Shi’ar.

Back in Alaska, the original X-Men are helping Scott and Jean pack their belongings; they are leaving Alaska because people around them know they’re mutants.  Scott tells Jean that the buyers for their house have backed out, so they don’t know what they’re going to do.  Some kids throw a brick through the window and scare everyone.  Scott tells them to let it go.  Suddenly Jean senses the psychic event from the Psi-War story (in X-Men #77-78), and is knocked into a catatonic state. 

Back on the trader planet, Deathbird is attacked by a Chnitt, which looks like a giant spider.  After killing it, Bishop realizes that Tu has sold them out, and probably died for his troubles. After acquiring a transport, the group is almost eaten by a giant monster.  Right before they reach the warp gate, the group discovers a giant ball that has been tracking them.  The ball is attacking the city, knowing that Karel has the secret weapon, nullifier charges, which eat metal.  Bishop decides he cannot allow the alien citizens to suffer on their account.  He takes one of the charges and tells Karel and Deathbird to go through the gate without him.  Bishop climbs a roof, throws a charge, and destroys the ship.

After destroying the giant ball, Bishop runs to the warp gate just in time to see it collapse for no reason.  Bishop laments his loneliness, until he discovers that Deathbird has remained on the planet to be with him. 

How It Was:  Bishop and Deathbird’s wacky space odyssey continues as they make their way to a completely generic sci-fi planet.  I don’t even think it has a name; it’s just called the trader planet.  It’s obvious that Marvel is testing the waters to see if Bishop might be able to sustain his own book—years later he would go on to receive it. 

While the designs for the Chnitt are really great, everything else is just so forgettable.  The reader knows right from the beginning that he’ll never see the bland Karel ever again, or his plot-convenient grenades.  Even the mothership at the climax of the story is just a giant ball that fires lasers. Some of the action set pieces do look pretty cool even if they don’t really drive the plot.

So why did I enjoy this issue so much more than I thought I would?  The answer lies in the Bishop/Deathbird dynamic.  It’s really not what super hero readers are used to.   Deathbird is so attracted to Bishop that she fails to pick up on how their worldviews are so different, and Bishop is so repulsed by the idea of being with a villain that he can’t see how attracted he is to her.  I like how Seagle forces Bishop to be the level-headed one of the group, while Deathbird is the wildly impulsive brawler.  Their interactions and the ways they play off each other are great.  It’s just great to see how even they can’t tell whether their feelings for one and other are genuine affection or familiar comfort. 

It’s also nice to see Seagle trying to address the problems writers have been having with Bishop since the Onslaught event.  With his purpose for existing nullified, nobody has known what to do with Bishop.  Seagle tries to play up how out of place he is, and how weird it must be to interact with people who are supposed to be dead.  It’s a bit of a stretch to say that Bishop hasn’t made friends with anyone from the team, but this might just be Bishop’s way of softening the blow of losing his teammates.  Playing up the fact that Bishop is always out of place is as good a way to go as any. 

The Scott and Jean scenes are rather abrupt; Scott’s injuries seem to have disappeared, and I can’t tell if the couple is supposed to be going back to the X-Men or leaving just to escape the townspeople.  I do appreciate that the Psi-War is tying into the greater Marvel Universe; it’s just a shame that there is only really one more issue where Jean deals with these events.  I don’t remember liking this as much when I first read it, but now I feel I can better appreciate just what Seagle was trying to do.

B

Uncanny X-Men #357

Uncanny X-Men #357
Writing: Steven Seagle

Art: Dan Norton

What Went Down:  On the streets of Ptarmigan Creek, Alaska, a swarm of crows has begun to attack people on the street.  Unaware of these events, the original five X-Men enjoy drinks at a local restaurant.  Jean has interrupted the conversation about Scott’s new direction because she finds it too serious for the get-together.  The team sees the pandemonium outside and jump into action. 

Outside they decide to help people while trying to remain incognito.  Each hero takes a turn saving civilians.  Sheriff Chris shows up and shoots a gun in the air, scaring off the birds.  Iceman presents his hypothesis that the crazy shaman is behind this, but nobody believes him. 

At the Agee Institute, Dr. Agee is examining Rogue’s DNA sample. He talks to his sister about how hideous Rogue is now, and how he’ll cure her as he did his sister.  It is revealed that his sister is a horrible looking monster in a glass tube.  At Scott and Jean’s cabin, the team discusses recent events while Jean gets into costume.  Staci’s sister Melissa barges in and sees the team as mutants.  She says she is okay with it because she has six toes on each foot, so she’s a mutant too. 

Up in space, Bishop (remember him) is still strapped to his bed while the ship he and Deathbird are on plummets towards a sun.  He convinces Deathbird to release him, feigning feelings for her, and the two are able to plot a new course towards a nearby planet. 

In Alaska the team gets into costume and splits up to get to the bottom of the rampaging crows.  Iceman goes after the crazy shaman, Beast and Archangel discover toxic waste in the birds’ habitat, and Cyclops and Jean rescue Chris and his deputy from a swarm of birds.  They are initially insulting to the mutants until their lives are saved by the X-Men. 

As the birds converge and the team reunites, the birds form a big person shape.  Jean discovers that one of the birds is a robot and destroys it at the same time that Cyclops blasts the person-shape and Iceman knocks out the shaman.  The bird-person dissipates, although nobody can say who was responsible.  Cyclops’ is weakened from the use of his power exacerbating his injuries, and Iceman discovers that the shaman’s “bag of enchantment” is full of bird see.  As the rest of the team walks away, Iceman sees the Indian guy’s spirit form into a bird and fly off (I think).  The bird announces the end of the issue.

How It Was:  So…this is an issue where the original X-Men fight a lot of birds.  Nuff said.  It really is that simple and there isn’t anything more to it.  Most disappointing of all is the way Jean derails Scott’s new idea for the X-Men; it’s hard to say if Seagle just never got around to it, or if he never had anything and was just teasing it to fill up space.  Either way it’s a bummer.

And then there’s the fighting with the birds.  This issue has some “so ridiculous they’re good” panels in it, such as Cyclops punching birds mid-air or Iceman beating birds with a sandwich board.  It’s the kind of thing that’s so absurd that it sort of works in an unintentionally humorous sort of way. 

Then we get to the ambiguous ending…I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be a true mystery or just playing off of the fact that the plot is so ridiculous that it shouldn’t matter.  It doesn’t really bother me at the end of the day, but I do find the robot bird’s presence a little odd.  There are some story inconsistencies; Cyclops and Jean fret the whole issue over Scott using his power because of his injuries.  However, he also manages to carry a grown man over his shoulder with absolutely no effect whatsoever.  Cyclops and Jean work so hard to maintain a low-profile, but they leave the door unlocked for Melissa to barge right in and learn everything.

Even odder is the pick-up of Bishop’s thread after about four months of losing track of it.  This is a pretty sudden shift, made even more abrupt by the solo focus on Bishop next issue.  As for the events affecting Rogue—this issue more or less states that Agee is crazy, yet the events of #359 seem to brush this aside if I remember right. 

This isn’t something that would sell a new comics reader, but it is fun for longtime X-Men fans to reconnect with the history of the book.  It’s too bad the veteran members of the team could not have had a bigger threat to go up against.  The crows sort of overwhelm this half of the story though, replacing ambiguous suppositions with the fun character moments from last issue.

C

Uncanny X-Men #348

Uncanny X-Men #348

Writing: Scott Lobdell

Art: Joe Madureira 

What Went Down:  Joseph, Gambit, Rogue, and the bounty hunters Spat and Grovel start off preparing to battle Nanny and her army of robots and cyborg animals.  Joseph recognizes Nanny, leading to concerns from the X-Men that Magneto’s memories might be returning.  Instead of a battle, Nanny just turns on a power dampener and defeats all of them…after three pages of battle poses.  Trish Tilby observes the X-Men being captured and runs back to tell the Beast.

Elsewhere in space, Deathbird is talking to an injured Bishop.  She tells him that he has been severely wounded, the X-Men are all dead, and now they will rule the Shi’ar Empire together.  Back on Earth, we find out that the underground caves were below Antarctica, and Nanny has taken the heroes to one of Magneto’s old bases. Rogue isn’t feeling well, and she even takes on the personality of Sabretooth for a moment, yelling at Gambit for working with Essex.  When Rogue doesn’t remember any of this, Gambit tells her she didn’t say anything important.

In a separate room, Joseph is being served by Nanny, but he is still chained up.  The robot insists that he is Magneto, but will not free him.  However she does show him newsfeeds of the Operation Zero Tolerance invasion, as well as images of the other X-Men who were captured by the Sentinels.  When a picture of Moira MacTaggert appears, Joseph feels an unexplainable need for vengeance.

Next we get a page of Archangel and Psylocke returning to Warren’s apartment to find it trashed after events in X-Men #67, which I will get to later.  Psylocke disappears while Archangel looks at some bullet casings. 

In Antarctica, Beast takes a page to reflect on why he shouldn’t date because his lifestyle puts the ones he loves in danger.  He discovers restraints that Magneto trapped the X-Men in from way back in Uncanny #112-113, also Nanny’s first appearance.  It appears that people are sneaking up on Beast, but next issue this is completely forgotten, so just ignore it.

Gambit, Rogue, and the bounty hunters have been chained to stakes in a dungeon.  Gambit demands to know who and why Gambit is being hunted.  Spat responds that he knows why, and he wouldn’t believe who.  Gambit’s memories overtake Rogue; she is caught in a memory where Gambit saved a girl named Sarah, who later grew up to be Marrow.  Rogue forgets the memory as soon as it is over, and Gambit refuses to tell her what it was.  Instead he suggests that this might be their last night alive, and since their powers are negated, they can actually consummate their relationship.

How It Was:  Is it possible to have a story where too much is going on, but not a lot is actually happening?  That’s what this feels like.  There are lots of different scenes, but we don’t learn anything new from most of them.  Beast brooding about his relationship is nothing new, and the scene with Betsy and Warren doesn’t lead to anything until next issue.  There’s a pretty long scene with Nanny mentioning that Joseph might be Magneto (something we already know), and Joseph learning about Operation Zero Tolerance (something we already know).  Plus the sequence where Beast remembers the first Nanny story isn’t important to the plot at all.  Add the five-page non-fight at the beginning of the book, and the continued presence of Spat and Grovel (although Landscape has completely disappeared for no reason; he was so boring the story actually forgot about him), and this is a book that is doing a lot to make me dislike it.

What saves this book, and actually makes it a great deal better than last issue, is the Gambit/Rogue material.  Having Rogue’s memories of Gambit’s actions resurface and having her unable to remember them herself is a neat device, and Gambit’s reactions to them are well handled.  I also like that Gambit decides to ask Rogue to sleep with him, and even better, his motivations for doing this might be a little bit selfish.  Gambit’s guilt and his fear of being discovered are infinitely more compelling than anything else going on in this book at the moment.  Plus I like that it’s done with subtlety; the scene is more effective because we don’t get to see it.  Even with the Rogue/Gambit stuff, I can still only give this a mild recommendation.

C-

Uncanny X-Men #345

Uncanny X-Men #345
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira and Melvin Rubi

What Went Down: This issue is broken into two parts, conveniently dividing up where the artists shift. The first part begins with Sister Maria, the nun who discovered Joseph, running from her crashed car. Get this…she is being chased by a cyborg gorilla. No, really. The Sister hits the gorilla with a rock, but it continues to come after her, asking about the man she nursed to health. Just as the gorilla is about to get her, two giant slugs appear and eat through the bad guy’s chest. The mutant Maggott shows up and asks about her friend Joseph.

On Chandrila, Lilandra looks out over her ruined planet and feels sad. She wonders if this is some kind of karmic payback for her war with the Kree in the Avengers books. She thinks of Charles Xavier, and is thankful that his X-Men were able to save her Empire.

Later that night, the Shi’ar hold a banquet in honor of the dead. Joseph finds the party vulgar, but Rogue explains that different people have different ways of moving on. Rogue worries that Joseph might be turning back into Magneto, so she promises to tell him everything about the man he used to be. Elsewhere, Gambit is outside digging graves for the dead Shi’ar. The whole time he keeps apologizing for something he did when he was younger.

Back at the banquet, Beast asks Trish if she wants to get back together. Trish worries that their relationship will have the same problems it always does, but when she returns to her room, she realizes she is in love with him nonetheless.

The next day the X-Men and Trish board a Shi’ar vessel that will take them back to Earth. Lilandra demonstrates her gratitude to the X-Men by leaving one of their greatest enemies, Deathbird, in charge of the trip.

Part 2 starts with Bishop reading up on Shi’ar history. Deathbird surprises him in her evening robe, and he tries to ask her questions about her history. Deathbird is impressed that he could read the texts because they are in Shi’ar, but she dismisses the texts as a sordid manufactured history designed to make her an outcast. Bishop mentions that her true name was banned from the language when she throws the pad into the fire. Bishop tells her that she shouldn’t forget her past if she doesn’t want to repeat it.

Their argument is interrupted by a “swoosh” noise. Going to the cockpit, the X-Men discover that a giant warship is passing them at twice their speed on the way to Earth. As the X-Men’s ship tries to make it to the stargate, it is caught in the larger ship’s wake and begins to break up.

How It Was: Even though it wasn’t a major crossover, Lobdell does another—actually his last—quiet, contemplative character issue. It’s not his best, but it still manages some great material for Bishop and Deathbird, Lilandra, and Joseph and Rogue. Beast and Trish’s scene has me confused because I was under the impression that they were already back together, hence the dinner date on Christmas Eve in Uncanny #341. As for Gambit, remember all that hemming and hawing over Gambit working for Sinister back in X-Men #45…almost two years prior to this point. Yeah, well Lobdell is finally getting around to it, but it’s still six issues away.

Then there is the surreal opening where Sister Maria is being chased by and evil robo-monkey. This scene almost defies explanation, and I don’t think it serves any other purpose than introducing Maggott and setting up that he’s looking for Magneto. Maggott is not too interesting a character, at least not until Joe Kelly and Steven Seagle get their collective writing hands on him and turn him into a really amusing character to have around.

The end of the issue is quite jarring and the art isn’t very clear on what the heck is happening. It looks like the big ship makes it to the stargate first, then the X-Men talk about the gate being down, then their ship starts to break up on the last page. I’m not sure if they were attacked or if it has something to do with the gate, but the art is not helping here. Also, Beast looks a little like a donkey in the second part of the story… just saying. And it’s sort of disappointing that Joe Mad can only get half an issue done this month, although he does have a double sized issue #350 coming up.

This issue is nothing to write home about. It introduces a character that most people don’t remember, and it wraps up a space story that was pretty forgettable. Yes we have the Gambit revelation on the horizon, but other than that this book doesn’t have a lot going for it at this point.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #344

Uncanny X-Men #344
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Melvin Rubi

What Went Down: Gambit is narrating this time around, and we enter on a badly beaten and tortured Empress Lilandra being held captive by the Phalanx while her servants are being killed and assimilated. The X-Men watch in the shadows as they finalize their plan. Deathbird explains that the only reason Lilandra would surrender would be if the Phalanx had infiltrated the Shi’ar nurseries, where their offspring are held. Rogue, who has become de facto leader, sends Deathbird and Bishop to protect the nurseries. Deathbird thanks all of them.

On Earth, Senator Kelly and Henry Peter Gyrich meet in the Hulkbuster base that now houses Zero Tolerance. Kelly discusses his hesitancy to trust Bastion, even though Kelly himself has lobbied for years about the importance of safeguarding humans from mutants. Bastion apparently also has a number of people in the government sympathetic to his cause, and Kelly blames himself for blazing a trail that might end in genocide.

Bishop and Deathbird make it to the Shi’ar nest. Bishop comments on how admirable it is that Deathbird would seek to protect the innocent, and Deathbird explains that even though she thinks she should rule, she still cares about her people. Bishop explains his history to Deathbird. Then she falls over due to her previous injuries. Bishop worries that she has been attacked, but the injuries are hours old—even though last issue said it had been a week since they found her. Still, Deathbird insists on standing and fighting, even if she is going to bleed to death, impressing Bishop.

Back with the main group, Joseph is overwhelmed with grief for the slaughtered Shi’ar. Even though he can’t remember his past, he starts to have flashbacks of the Nazi concentration camps that he was a prisoner in. Gambit tries to talk to him and tells him to turn his emotions off for now, so Beast’s plan can work. While Joseph continues to watch the slaughter, Beast explains that he is rigging the Shi’ar computer to produce a frequency to separate the technological and organic aspects of the Phalanx.

Beast needs five more minutes to complete his machine, but Joseph can’t take it and attacks the Phalanx. The X-Men have no choice but to back him up while Beast finishes. Joseph saves Lilandra, and remembers that once he had vowed to never again let such atrocities occur. Meanwhile, Bishop and Deathbird fight off more aliens and comment on how impressive thy each are. As the Phalanx start to counter the X-Men’s powers, Beast throws the switch. Just when the X-Men are about to be overwhelmed, all of the Phalanx start to die. Trish Tilby cheers that they won against such impossible odds, but Gambit, worried about Joseph potentially turning evil again, claims that it doesn’t feel like a victory.

How It Was: After setting up impossible odds and a potentially epic intergalactic war to be fought, Lobdell has the Beast build a machine that just kills all the bad guys automatically. That is what I would call the definition of anti-climactic. At the very least you could have the X-Men penetrate a base to find some core or prime Phalanx that needs to be destroyed, but no, Beast just flips a switch and the X-Men win. Couldn’t the supposedly more advanced Shi’ar with their interstellar space travel and superior technology figure this out on their own?

Joseph’s reaction to the Phalanx atrocities makes up for the ending a little bit. Up until now, Joseph has been squarely on the side of the X-Men. He may’ve felt guilty about his past, but it was always clear that he was trying to be an X-Man. Here we see the old Magneto resurface, and it is a welcome sight. The tease that Joseph may yet become Magneto again is a good one, even though it is strange that Gambit is the only one who acknowledges it. However, it is annoying that Joseph has to attack the bad guys with five minutes to spare. It feels like an artificial conflict because nothing the X-Men do really matters, other than the Beast. There’s no tension at all because we all know how it’s going to end.

The Bishop/Deathbird sequences are a little more heavy-handed then they were last issue, but I still think it’s a good match, even if Lobdell has to retcon Deathbird’s past and motivations just a bit. The ending is just weird with Trish Tilby doing cheerleader poses and laughing at the victory while everyone else looks dour and somber about the thousands of dead Shi’ar; for a reporter, she is godawful at reading the climate of a room and reacting with appropriate social responses.

Joe Mad continues his sketchy grasp on deadlines as Melvin Rubi is brought in, as well as four different inkers. The art’s okay, except some of the expressions and poses aren’t really appropriate for the scenes, such as the aforementioned Trish Tilby cheer. Conversely, the two-page spread of the Imperial hall being attacked looks fantastic, as does the Shi’ar nursery.

This is a hugely underwhelming end to a story that didn’t even have a lot to do with the X-Men. The threat that was initially sold to the readers involved the fate of the universe, but it was all undone by a machine programmed by the Beast. Other than a very few moments for the X-Men, and the beginnings of the Bishop/Deathbird romance, this plot doesn’t even involve the X-Men all that much, and Trish Tilby has absolutely nothing to do. This definitely doesn’t stand up to X-Men space operas like the original Phoenix Saga, or any of the stories with the Starjammers. This just doesn’t have that many fun or interesting ideas, and the villains are just dull and one-dimensional. Definitely not what I’d call a classic.

D+

Uncanny X-Men #343

Uncanny X-Men #343
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Through narration boxes, the Beast explains that the X-Men have been in space for about a week, and Deathbird has been in a coma within one of the ship’s med-stations. Deathbird wakes up while Beast and Bishop are discussing her survival. Bishop accuses her of somehow being responsible for her ship’s massacre, which earns him a slap from the villain. Gambit and Joseph show up after their search for more survivors. Deathbird steals Bishop’s gun and shoots Joseph and Gambit… only they were actually members of the Phalanx disguised as the X-Men. Bishop helps finish them off, and Deathbird explains that humans have a specific smell that Shi’ar can detect.

Below in the ship, Gambit and Joseph have been taken captive by the new and improved black Phalanx, in case you couldn’t tell from the cover. Rogue attacks the group, but she is slowly overwhelmed. Just as she is about to be absorbed by the Phalanx, she proclaims her love for Gambit. Gambit is behind her, rescues her, and blows up the remaining Phalanx. While Rogue was being assimilated, she caught a glimpse of Chandilar, homeworld of the Shi’ar; she also learned the Phalanx’s plot, which includes taking over Earth.

Speaking of Earth, Bastion is continuing his preparations for Operation: Zero Tolerance. We see that he has recently captured Jubilee in Generation X #25 and plans on interrogating/torturing her.

Meanwhile, the X-Men plan to get on Chandilar by tricking the Phalanx into attacking their ship and blowing it up while they float to a mining planet in an escape pod among the debris. Deathbird is quite rude to Bishop, threatening his life as he secures her in the pod. After the Phalanx blow up the ship, Joseph navigates the pod through the metal that Beast welded to the alien vehicle. The mining planet turns out to be one of Deathbird’s old bases. Many of the X-Men voice their suspicions about Deathbird’s loyalties as they all get on a transporter to save Chandilar and the Shi’ar.

How It Was: This is a definite step back up storywise, although not quite to the heights of #341. The story does have some great moments; the revelation of the Phalanx as X-Men imposters works rather well, despite the fact that it is ruined on the cover. And I have to say that I genuinely like the Deathbird/Bishop relationship, even if it is only in its beginning stages here. It’s a nice idea to have Bishop find a kindred spirit in a hardened warrior with a harsher code of ethics than the X-Men are used to, just as he was when he started on the team. Rogue’s fight with the Phalanx is also particularly brutal; it’s impressive to see her tearing off limbs and fighting all out, even if her proclamation of love feels a little forced.

Where the issue fails is that in spite of their shiny black makeover, the Phalanx are still as dull as they were the last time they appeared in this title. And after the very first sequence, they abandon any of the shapeshifting subterfuge for the dull assimilation and compensation of powers. Having the villains able to negate mutant powers seems unnecessary since they already outnumber the heroes by quite a bit. It also never made sense how the aliens had the ability to stop powers, but not absorb them.

Joe Mad is drawing some very impressive spaceships, stellar bodies, and space debris. The art is really the highlight, despite the stupid costume designs. Even with the art, this is still just a slow middle chapter with not much for the characters to do. While very cool looking, the villains just aren’t compelling at all, and the threat just doesn’t seem big enough.

C