Uncanny X-Men #344

Uncanny X-Men #344
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Melvin Rubi

What Went Down: Gambit is narrating this time around, and we enter on a badly beaten and tortured Empress Lilandra being held captive by the Phalanx while her servants are being killed and assimilated. The X-Men watch in the shadows as they finalize their plan. Deathbird explains that the only reason Lilandra would surrender would be if the Phalanx had infiltrated the Shi’ar nurseries, where their offspring are held. Rogue, who has become de facto leader, sends Deathbird and Bishop to protect the nurseries. Deathbird thanks all of them.

On Earth, Senator Kelly and Henry Peter Gyrich meet in the Hulkbuster base that now houses Zero Tolerance. Kelly discusses his hesitancy to trust Bastion, even though Kelly himself has lobbied for years about the importance of safeguarding humans from mutants. Bastion apparently also has a number of people in the government sympathetic to his cause, and Kelly blames himself for blazing a trail that might end in genocide.

Bishop and Deathbird make it to the Shi’ar nest. Bishop comments on how admirable it is that Deathbird would seek to protect the innocent, and Deathbird explains that even though she thinks she should rule, she still cares about her people. Bishop explains his history to Deathbird. Then she falls over due to her previous injuries. Bishop worries that she has been attacked, but the injuries are hours old—even though last issue said it had been a week since they found her. Still, Deathbird insists on standing and fighting, even if she is going to bleed to death, impressing Bishop.

Back with the main group, Joseph is overwhelmed with grief for the slaughtered Shi’ar. Even though he can’t remember his past, he starts to have flashbacks of the Nazi concentration camps that he was a prisoner in. Gambit tries to talk to him and tells him to turn his emotions off for now, so Beast’s plan can work. While Joseph continues to watch the slaughter, Beast explains that he is rigging the Shi’ar computer to produce a frequency to separate the technological and organic aspects of the Phalanx.

Beast needs five more minutes to complete his machine, but Joseph can’t take it and attacks the Phalanx. The X-Men have no choice but to back him up while Beast finishes. Joseph saves Lilandra, and remembers that once he had vowed to never again let such atrocities occur. Meanwhile, Bishop and Deathbird fight off more aliens and comment on how impressive thy each are. As the Phalanx start to counter the X-Men’s powers, Beast throws the switch. Just when the X-Men are about to be overwhelmed, all of the Phalanx start to die. Trish Tilby cheers that they won against such impossible odds, but Gambit, worried about Joseph potentially turning evil again, claims that it doesn’t feel like a victory.

How It Was: After setting up impossible odds and a potentially epic intergalactic war to be fought, Lobdell has the Beast build a machine that just kills all the bad guys automatically. That is what I would call the definition of anti-climactic. At the very least you could have the X-Men penetrate a base to find some core or prime Phalanx that needs to be destroyed, but no, Beast just flips a switch and the X-Men win. Couldn’t the supposedly more advanced Shi’ar with their interstellar space travel and superior technology figure this out on their own?

Joseph’s reaction to the Phalanx atrocities makes up for the ending a little bit. Up until now, Joseph has been squarely on the side of the X-Men. He may’ve felt guilty about his past, but it was always clear that he was trying to be an X-Man. Here we see the old Magneto resurface, and it is a welcome sight. The tease that Joseph may yet become Magneto again is a good one, even though it is strange that Gambit is the only one who acknowledges it. However, it is annoying that Joseph has to attack the bad guys with five minutes to spare. It feels like an artificial conflict because nothing the X-Men do really matters, other than the Beast. There’s no tension at all because we all know how it’s going to end.

The Bishop/Deathbird sequences are a little more heavy-handed then they were last issue, but I still think it’s a good match, even if Lobdell has to retcon Deathbird’s past and motivations just a bit. The ending is just weird with Trish Tilby doing cheerleader poses and laughing at the victory while everyone else looks dour and somber about the thousands of dead Shi’ar; for a reporter, she is godawful at reading the climate of a room and reacting with appropriate social responses.

Joe Mad continues his sketchy grasp on deadlines as Melvin Rubi is brought in, as well as four different inkers. The art’s okay, except some of the expressions and poses aren’t really appropriate for the scenes, such as the aforementioned Trish Tilby cheer. Conversely, the two-page spread of the Imperial hall being attacked looks fantastic, as does the Shi’ar nursery.

This is a hugely underwhelming end to a story that didn’t even have a lot to do with the X-Men. The threat that was initially sold to the readers involved the fate of the universe, but it was all undone by a machine programmed by the Beast. Other than a very few moments for the X-Men, and the beginnings of the Bishop/Deathbird romance, this plot doesn’t even involve the X-Men all that much, and Trish Tilby has absolutely nothing to do. This definitely doesn’t stand up to X-Men space operas like the original Phoenix Saga, or any of the stories with the Starjammers. This just doesn’t have that many fun or interesting ideas, and the villains are just dull and one-dimensional. Definitely not what I’d call a classic.

D+

Uncanny X-Men #343

Uncanny X-Men #343
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Through narration boxes, the Beast explains that the X-Men have been in space for about a week, and Deathbird has been in a coma within one of the ship’s med-stations. Deathbird wakes up while Beast and Bishop are discussing her survival. Bishop accuses her of somehow being responsible for her ship’s massacre, which earns him a slap from the villain. Gambit and Joseph show up after their search for more survivors. Deathbird steals Bishop’s gun and shoots Joseph and Gambit… only they were actually members of the Phalanx disguised as the X-Men. Bishop helps finish them off, and Deathbird explains that humans have a specific smell that Shi’ar can detect.

Below in the ship, Gambit and Joseph have been taken captive by the new and improved black Phalanx, in case you couldn’t tell from the cover. Rogue attacks the group, but she is slowly overwhelmed. Just as she is about to be absorbed by the Phalanx, she proclaims her love for Gambit. Gambit is behind her, rescues her, and blows up the remaining Phalanx. While Rogue was being assimilated, she caught a glimpse of Chandilar, homeworld of the Shi’ar; she also learned the Phalanx’s plot, which includes taking over Earth.

Speaking of Earth, Bastion is continuing his preparations for Operation: Zero Tolerance. We see that he has recently captured Jubilee in Generation X #25 and plans on interrogating/torturing her.

Meanwhile, the X-Men plan to get on Chandilar by tricking the Phalanx into attacking their ship and blowing it up while they float to a mining planet in an escape pod among the debris. Deathbird is quite rude to Bishop, threatening his life as he secures her in the pod. After the Phalanx blow up the ship, Joseph navigates the pod through the metal that Beast welded to the alien vehicle. The mining planet turns out to be one of Deathbird’s old bases. Many of the X-Men voice their suspicions about Deathbird’s loyalties as they all get on a transporter to save Chandilar and the Shi’ar.

How It Was: This is a definite step back up storywise, although not quite to the heights of #341. The story does have some great moments; the revelation of the Phalanx as X-Men imposters works rather well, despite the fact that it is ruined on the cover. And I have to say that I genuinely like the Deathbird/Bishop relationship, even if it is only in its beginning stages here. It’s a nice idea to have Bishop find a kindred spirit in a hardened warrior with a harsher code of ethics than the X-Men are used to, just as he was when he started on the team. Rogue’s fight with the Phalanx is also particularly brutal; it’s impressive to see her tearing off limbs and fighting all out, even if her proclamation of love feels a little forced.

Where the issue fails is that in spite of their shiny black makeover, the Phalanx are still as dull as they were the last time they appeared in this title. And after the very first sequence, they abandon any of the shapeshifting subterfuge for the dull assimilation and compensation of powers. Having the villains able to negate mutant powers seems unnecessary since they already outnumber the heroes by quite a bit. It also never made sense how the aliens had the ability to stop powers, but not absorb them.

Joe Mad is drawing some very impressive spaceships, stellar bodies, and space debris. The art is really the highlight, despite the stupid costume designs. Even with the art, this is still just a slow middle chapter with not much for the characters to do. While very cool looking, the villains just aren’t compelling at all, and the threat just doesn’t seem big enough.

C

Cable #16

Cable #16
Writing: Larry Hama
Art: Steve Skroce

What Went Down: This issue opens on Cable and Wolverine arguing like a couple of young siblings in the back seat of the plane. Cyclops has been piloting the plane with no radar or radio all the way to the Phalanx base in Tibet. Also he has been piloting the plane upside down for some reason. Inside the base, Stephen Lang is seemingly trying to corrupt Psylocke, while actually he is telepathically revealing to her that he is on her side and does not want the Phalanx to absorb all carbon-based life on Earth. The plane crashes into the base, but the X-Men bailed out before the crash. Now they have to climb the mountain without using their powers, otherwise the Phalanx will detect them.

Inside the base, Cameron Hodge complains that they should kill all of the captive X-Men. He also insists that he senses mutants climbing up the mountain, but Lang convinces him that it is impossible for anyone to scale the mountain. Lang tells Psylocke that she most allow her mind to be infected by the Phalanx to free the other X-Men.

The heroes outside climb the mountain, with an especially harrowing sequence involving the scaling of an overhang with Cable almost falling. Hodge sees that Psylocke has effectively been infected by Lang, and the infected Psylocke reveals Lang’s traitorous ideas to Hodge. Cable, Jean, and Scott burst through the wall as a distraction while Logan goes off to free the X-Men. With the X-Men free, Cable and Jean channel their powers through Psylocke, which results in the destruction of Phalanx towers around the world, and the deaths of all the Phalanx members. The X-Men escape the collapsing fortress, and Lang also escapes, thinking to himself that now he is free to pursue his goal of destroying all mutants. At the last minute, Hodge pulls him back into the base before it explodes. On the other side of the galaxy it is revealed that there are more Phalanx ready to invade Earth, or other planets for that matter.

How It Was: The conclusion to the Phalanx Saga, and that is basically it…no more, no less. Whereas the previous issue had lots of information to fill its double-sized page count with, this issue struggles to find things to do with the characters. The X-Men climb the mountain for way too many pages, and Hama seems insistent on pushing this childish antagonistic relationship on Cable and Logan. Sure the characters aren’t supposed to like each other, but they don’t have to behave like immature brats the whole time when the fate of the world is hanging on them. Whether they’re threatening each other or arguing in the plane, their interactions come off as annoying.

The plot to overthrow the Phalanx is way too complex and wraps everything together a little too neatly. I can’t understand why the X-Men need to take the time to climb the mountain when their plan is essentially to burst through the walls and attack the Phalanx. Couldn’t they do this at the beginning of the issue with the plane crash? Also we find out that there are now hundreds of Phalanx towers all across the world (a plot point that managed to avoid explanation during all of the expository recap sequences throughout this story) and Psylocke just wipes them all out automatically at the end of the story. That’s kind of pathetic for an invading army of higher beings, and it’s hard to care since we never really knew about these to begin with. Plus all of the scheming and deception of Stephen Lang never pays off in any meaningful way. Unlike Fatal Attractions, Phalanx Covenant doesn’t really alter the status quo in any significant way, other than the start of Generation X, which is really a let down.

As for the art, Steve Skroce is pretty solid, and goes on to get even better years later in the Gambit ongoing series. Unlike most artists, he draws a very reasonably proportioned Cable. However he doesn’t really do anything creative with the Phalanx, drawing them as ordinary blocky yellow robot people. Still, the fight at the end is exciting, even if there aren’t any real surprises in it.

This issue serves as the conclusion to a story with boring villains that goes on a little too long for its own good. Not a lot to recommend, other than the fight at the end.
 
C-

Wolverine #85

Wolverine #85
Writing: Larry Hama
Art: Adam Kubert

What Went Down: Cyclops and Jean Grey are flying over Muir Island, hoping to get in touch with Professor X. Instead, three members of the Phalanx named Larissa, Egon, and Nkotha attack them; for some reason these Phalanx members are giants compared to the ones in other issues. The plane crashes and Cyclops and Jean attack the aliens, all the while wondering what happened to the Professor and Excalibur.

Wolverine received a telepathic message from Xavier about the problems on Muir Island, and he has chartered a plane piloted by a gentleman named Harry to fly over the island, so he can parachute down. During his descent, he is grabbed by one of the Phalanx, but Cyclops and Jean rescue him.

At the Phalanx base, Stephen Lang is trying to learn how to absorb Psylocke, since the Phalanx cannot absorb mutants. Lang has been having doubts about the Phalanx plan and worries that Larissa might have read his thoughts.

After escaping, the Phalanx follow the X-Men along some underground power cables. Wolverine remarks that the couple seems older somehow, which is an allusion to the Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix mini. The aliens are about to attack when they are shot by an unknown assailant who turns out to be Cable. Of course this is significant since Scott and Jean just spent twelve years in the future raising a young Cable, and it inspires a lot of conflicting emotions in the couple.

After destroying the Phalanx members, Wolverine accuses Cable of potentially being an imposter, but Jean insists it is him. The group recaps the story up to this point and brings up the twist that Cable is more susceptible to absorption since his body is already part techno-organic due to the T.O. disease he has. Also they need a macguffin inside the infected Lab Building in order to find the captured X-Men.

Cable and Jean use a telepathic bond to attack the Phalanx while Cyclops and Wolverine run in together; Jean worries about this because it might involve sharing memories, and she doesn’t want Cable to find out that she and Scott raised him because it might endanger the future somehow. While fighting the Phalanx on the astral plane Cable sees a memory of Redd, Jean’s identity as his foster mother in the future, and this opens up a weakness for the Phalanx to exploit. Inside the lab Logan and Scott fight the third Phalanx member.

Cable rallies thanks to another memory from Jean, but the two get kicked out of the astral plane. Jean tries to reengage, but Cable is through with telepathy and decides to start shooting his giant gun. Cyclops and Wolverine run out with the information, but accessing it has caused a self-destruct to initiate. The group has three minutes to get off the island. Fortunately, Harry the pilot has decided to come back for them. Cable decides to hold the Phalanx off for as long as he can while the others escape.

Jean is able to telekinetically stop the plane in mid-air so the heroes can get on. Wolverine goes back for Cable, who is about to be absorbed. He rescues Cable and they make a daring escape right before the facility explodes. The X-Men announce that they are going to Tibet to stop the Phalanx and save the other X-Men.

How It Was: It’s a celebration as Wolverine returns to the X-Men for the first time since Wolverine #75. Sure he doesn’t rejoin the team for another couple of issues, but this is still exciting. This also happens to be a double-sized issue, and there sure is a lot going on here for a book that only has four main characters.

First off, even though this issue is part of the Phalanx storyline and it occurs in Wolverine’s title, a lot of this issue focuses on the relationship between Cyclops, Jean, and Cable. There’s nothing wrong with this, it seems like a weird story and issue to bring all of this information up. Then again, I guess it is a crossover with Cable. Most of this comes through telepathic conversations between Scott and Jean, as well as some flashes of memory on the astral plane. It is definitely appropriate that Hama explores this material since it is the first meeting of Cable and the Summerses since The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix revealed Cable's origins, but I can’t really understand the rationale of keeping their history secret from Cable. Revealing their identity can’t really affect the future since it occurred in Cable’s past.  Plus he figures it out in a couple of months anyway.

Then there’s the simple fact that there are too many words in this book. Since it is his book, we are stuck with Wolverine’s internal monologue that shares with us such uninteresting facts as his associations with jumping out of a plane during World War II and his surprise at the power of the Phalanx. Plus there is a ton of exposition about the Phalanx plot line, The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix mini, the purpose of Muir Island, and the histories of the characters. While this is all necessary information for readers that solely read Wolverine, it is all reiteration for the majority of X-Men fans, and it really slows down a story that at its root is just the group assembling, learning the location of their goal from a computer, and then escaping.

As for the Phalanx, Hama doesn’t really make them any more interesting than any of the other writers before him. They’re still all one-dimensional alien invaders set on taking over the world. However visually they are really interesting thanks to the vision of penciler Adam Kubert. Adam Kubert, as opposed to his brother Andy who drew X-Men at this time, does some interesting things with the scale and design of the Phalanx. There is a really nice sequence where Wolverine cuts up one of the Phalanx’s faces, and the sections of face float around on tendrils and look really creepy. Unfortunately, like most of the artists of the time, Kubert also draws an absurdly exaggerated Cable with gigantic shoulders that are too big for his head, oversized guns, and hundreds of pouches all over his body. It is almost the quintessential Rob Liefield Cable.

It’s not a superb issue, but it does star some great characters and it has a good amount of action in it. Surprisingly it features more depth for the Cyclops/Jean/Cable relationship than later issues of X-Men would.

C+

X-Men #37

X-Men #37
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: The next generation of mutants start out this issue with Clarice getting captured by Harvest and the Phalanx. Clarice uses her power to escape, and Monet punches the crap out of the bad guys. Too bad for our heroes that the bad guys just reform afterwards.

In the water below the boat, Banshee and Everett climb up the anchor chain to rescue the children. Inside the boat, Emma and Jubilee have somehow found their way inside, where they fight Phalanx infected rats and discuss Jubilee’s fears about her powers.

When all seems lost for the young mutants, they are saved in the nick of time by …Sabretooth? Yes Sabretooth takes the time to track down the Phalanx base and help rescue the children. Banshee and Everett join in, and together they annihilate Harvest for the second time.

Sabretooth refuses to explain how or why he came back to save the children. The heroes discuss how best to help Paige, who has been infected by the Phalanx, when Sabretooth takes it upon himself to tear her skin off. Luckily, her mutant power turns out to be the ability to shed her top layer of skin to reveal a different material, in this case metal skin. Harvest then returns for a third time to try to kill everyone.

As Emma tries to escape with the kids, they discover the bodies of some people and a dog absorbed by the Phalanx. This inspires Clarice to stop running and stand up to Harvest. Using her powers she tears Harvest apart, but for some reason she gets caught in the effect herself. So Clarice dies and the X-Men’s victory comes at the tragic cost of a character that was two issues old.

How It Was: Nicieza sets up a climactic battle to end the crossover, and it succeeds in feeling like a final, brutal story ending fight. The problem is that the final baddie is too powerful, and it makes for an uneven final chapter. The Phalanx, and Harvest in particular, are all shallow characters with little motivation or personality. They’re supposed to be unbeatable, which is good for setting up adversity for the heroes, but they’re so unbeatable that the fight doesn’t make sense. There is a difference between creating a novel challenge for the heroes and having the bad guy come back over and over again with no logic or reason behind it. And why does Clarice have to die to defeat the bad guy?  Why can't she use her powers like she did in part 3?

The reason of course is because the writer wants to get a cheap emotional ending without having really earned it; Clarice wasn’t really developed enough to care about, but that hasn’t stopped her from becoming very popular. This is mostly due to her return in Age of Apocalypse, which occurred four months after this book came out. It’s a much more successful take on the character whose only real purpose was to make the end of this story kind of sad.

Sabretooth’s return makes for an intriguing mystery of his allegiance. Unfortunately it is later forgotten, and Creed just says he was only pretending to be good even though there was no real reason behind it. The reveal of Paige’s power is well done, though.

This is an underwhelming conclusion with awful villains and some under-developed new characters. Plus there isn’t really any resolution at all to the question of where the X-Men have been taken to (that occurs in Wolverine and Cable of all places). It’s an epic finale, just not a very good epic finale.

C-

Uncanny X-Men #317

Uncanny X-Men #317
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Paige Guthrie wakes up to find herself a prisoner of the Phalanx, along with four other mutants: Monet, Clarice, Angelo, and Gregor. Angelo’s really negative and stretchy, Clarice cries a lot, Gregor is kind of hokey, and Monet just sits there. Paige is certain that the X-Men will come to rescue them all. Clarice points out that Paige has been infected with some kind of trans-mode virus, even though it appears on the outside of her clothes.

In San Francisco, Emma, Banshee, Jubilee, and Everett arrive at one of Emma’s luxurious town homes. Banshee lets Emma know that he doesn’t trust her and then destroys a number of targeting devices outside the house. Inside the absurdly large living area, Emma shows Banshee their next objective: a SHIELD safehouse in the San Francisco area.

Back in the Phalanx prison, Angelo tries to cheer Paige up. A member of the Phalanx named Harvest visits the captives and threatens all of them. Clarice uses her powers of teleportation to start to pull Harvest apart, but Gregor stops her because he is worried that she might be hurt. Harvest teleports away.

On what appears to be the Golden Gate Bridge, Jubilee talks with Everett about how worthless she feels for not being more adept with her powers, especially after Everett used them so effectively last issue. She is also fed up with all of the suffering that comes with the role of X-Man, even though she loves everyone on the team.

At the SHIELD base, Emma uses her powers to hide them from sight, while Banshee uses his powers to… errr hide them from the cameras somehow. In the prison, Monet takes the time to actually talk. She explains that she has manipulated her clothes, which are techno organic, into a weapon that can hide them from detection. She also kills Gregor because he was really a Phalanx spy.

Emma and Banshee find a techno organic reading using the SHIELD computers, but the agents discover them because Emma’s powers didn’t hide the rain puddles they brought in with them. Emma threatens the agents, but Banshee knocks them out first. Emma claims she was bluffing.

Monet uses her super strength to bust a hole in the prison and escape. Paige suggests that she should stay behind because she is infected, but Monet forces her to come with them. The group discovers that they are in the middle of the ocean on a giant boat.

How It Was: Alright then. We finally get a little bit of personality from the next generation of mutants. Angelo, the future Skin, is a pessimistic bastard. While most hideous characters like Beast or the Thing keep they’re regrets and sadness to themselves, Angelo is immature and allows it to taint his attitude and interactions; it actually comes off as fresh in a world of stoic comic book heroes, but it’s not necessarily fun to read. The rest of the characters aren’t nearly as interesting, but that’s okay because Lobdell ideally wants to save that development for the main Generation X series. The reveal of Gregor as a spy is well handled, although once again a little predictable due to his odd behavior.

Jubilee probably gets the most development in the brief scenes she appears in. Selling audiences on Jubilee wanting to leave the X-Men wasn’t an easy mandate, but I think Lobdell makes a compelling argument here. It is strange that the two characters go all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge to have their conversation, but oh well; meanwhile, Everett continues to be quiet and boring.

The plotline with Emma and Sean infiltrating SHIELD seems like a needless detour to pad out the story. If Emma has enough technology to find a top secret facility, why can’t she find the Phalanx ship as well? Shouldn’t they tell SHIELD about the Phalanx? And can’t Banshee just ask for their help, since they’re obviously aware of who is?

The art is pretty good, but for some reason Joe Mad has made Everett and Gregor’s bodies really over muscled. Everett’s girth might be a side effect of absorbing Sabretooth’s powers, but it still looks really weird. The layout of Emma’s home and the effects of Clarice’s powers on Harvest serve as stand out moments for the art. The spotlight on the young mutants isn’t great, and it leads to some stalling on the part of the heroes outside.

C+

X-Men #36

X-Men #36
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: This issue starts with a prologue involving Monet being experimented on by the Phalanx members Stephen Lang and Cameron Hodge, both former enemies of the X-Men. It turns out that the Phalanx can’t assimilate mutants yet, so they are trying to find out how. Monet still hasn’t said or done anything since being captured. Hodge explains that they will eliminate the threat of mutants by absorbing all of humanity or killing all the mutants. Lang wonders if he has crossed a line.

We then get an opportunity to meet another new mutant and future member of Generation X. This time it is Everett K. Thomas, who is currently surrounded by a lot of police officers. The police are concerned because Everett has just shown signs of being a mutant by screaming and shattering all of the windows on the block. The boy tries to explain that a creature attacked him and it was just a reaction, but the cops don’t believe him until half of the cops reveal themselves as members of the Phalanx.

The Phalanx move in to capture Everett, but some of them are attacked by a sonic scream. Everett explains that because of his mutant power he was able to synch his body with Banshee’s. Anyways, Banshee and Sabretooth make short work of the Phalanx and escape before they can heal.

Elsewhere in the city, Jubilee argues with Emma over her teaching style with the Hellions. Of course members of the Phalanx, disguised as everyday civilians, also attack them.

All the way in Kentucky at the Guthrie household, Mama Guthrie is being attacked by a member of the Phalanx while her daughter Paige tries to save her. This turns out to be a trap as Paige, the actual target, is then captured for being a mutant.

Back in the city, Emma and Jubilee are pursued by the Phalanx. Since Emma’s telepathic powers are no longer effective, they are pretty much screwed until Banshee and Sabretooth show up. These Phalanx actually overwhelm the two X-Men, but Everett is able to save the day by synching with Jubilee’s powers and blowing up the bad guys. Before dying, one of the Phalanx turns into Stephen Lang and reveals that Sara Grey, Jean’s sister who had been missing since the early days of X-Factor, had actually been captured by the Phalanx, but was somehow able to retain her personality. He also reveals that they have captured Paige Guthrie.

After the Phalanx dies, Emma reveals that she was able to get a brief glimpse at the girl’s location. Then everybody realizes that Sabretooth has escaped because Banshee’s wrist detonator was damaged in the fight.

How It Was: Well we get to meet two more members of Generation X, and neither one is really super exciting at this point. Everett is a nice young boy who is on personal terms with the local cops in his neighborhood and has the ability to steal powers (like Rogue, but without the touching), even though they have to complicate it by calling it “synching” for his future codename to make sense. And Paige is southern, feisty, and heroic, so basically she is her brother Cannonball, but a girl. Don’t worry, they’ll all develop personalities later once they get into their own title. I promise.

As for the rest of the issue, it is more fighting the Phalanx. And because the Phalanx are supposed to adapt to mutant powers, Nicieza has to keep coming up with ways to defeat them. While this issue doesn’t necessarily focus on them, I’d say that Emma and Jubilee get the more interesting character moments this issue. I do like the set up of Jubilee not trusting Emma at all, both because of her past as a villain and the fate of the Hellions. Emma also gets some nice moments to be dry and snarky, which is always fun to read.

The majority of this issue is just exposition. The Phalanx explain their plans, Everett has to explain himself and his powers, Jubilee explains Emma’s past. It’s all necessary to understanding the characters and plot, but it can get tedious at times. And the reveal at the end of Sara Grey being forced to join the Phalanx comes completely out of left field. First off, we’re talking about the resolution to a five or six year old plot line that has no greater effect on this story, and one that most readers have probably forgotten. And second, Jean isn’t there, so the moment doesn’t have any emotional resonance at all. Nobody present really cares that much about Jean’s sister, and the whole thing is pretty much forgotten, except for a small moment in a couple of issues where Jean reflects about finding out the news. Then again, the cliffhanger at the end with Sabretooth escaping is really good.

So this issue isn’t quite as good as the first since there is less emphasis on character and more on the villains, who are still boring.

B-

Uncanny X-Men #316

Uncanny X-Men #316
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: We are introduced to a young girl named Monet St. Croix and her bodyguard Colonel Cord-Becker, a husky English female, both of whom are traveling in a limo. Monet doesn’t move or speak due to some trauma involving her siblings. A member of the Phalanx attacks the limo; he assimilates the limo, driver, and bodyguard, and captures Monet.

Over at the mansion, Banshee is talking to Emma Frost because she is concerned that something is wrong with the X-Men. Before she can elaborate, Iceman and Storm put up a sonic disruptor to silence her. Banshee wonders if Iceman and Storm might be holding a grudge against the former White Queen, but they dismiss it.

Scott and Jean phone the mansion, and Banshee answers it. They explain that they have information about the Legacy Virus that the Professor needs, so Sean sends them to Muir Isle where Xavier is busy hanging out with Moira and Excalibur. Archangel bursts in and uncharacteristically yells at Banshee for answering the call when he is not a full X-Man. This makes Banshee feel like he has lost touch with the X-Men, but he suspects something more is up when he is able to spy on Psylocke walking out of the War Room.

Inside the War Room, Gambit and Bishop are dismantling various computers, explaining that they are upgrading them. Banshee checks a computer and discovers that none of the X-Men are in the building other than himself, Jubilee, Emma Frost, and Sabretooth. The other X-Men are imposters!

Returning to the Communications Room, Banshee hopes to send a message to Xavier, but he finds that the whole room has been dismantled impossibly quickly. Beast questions his reason for being in the room, but Banshee gives him an excuse. He then goes to free Sabretooth, who is being guarded by the Rogue imposter. Using a sonic scream, he discovers the imposter is a member of the Phalanx. After waking up, Sabretooth takes the time to kill the remains of the Phalanx entity.

Sending Sabretooth to rescue Jubilee and Emma, because he has a remote to a detonator located on Creed’s muzzle, Banshee grabs a gun and attacks the Gambit and Bishop imposters in the war room. Sean finds out that the Phalanx are using Cerebro to find young mutants to experiment on. He then sets the self-destruct and escapes in the nick of time. Banshee then vows that he will find the new mutants before the Phalanx can.

How It Was: Welcome to the next big X-Men crossover. This one is a little odd because the X-Men have all been captured, or they’re off doing other things, so the X-Men titles don’t feature a lot of X-Men or even the resolution of this story. Instead, these X-issues serve as set up for the upcoming series Generation X, basically a New Mutants style “young generation of mutants being trained”. And it is no coincidence that three of the stars of this crossover are also going to be the stars of the new series. But it’s still an important crossover, as signified by the shiny cardboard cover.

As for the story this issue, it is pretty good even though the cover completely spoils the twist that all the X-Men have been replaced by Phalanx. Primarily this issue serves as a reintroduction for Banshee, who hasn’t been in the spotlight in ages.  It does a great job of fleshing him out, showing him off as the hero, and setting up his feelings that lead to his joining Gen-X. His feelings of distance from the team are perfectly natural, since he hasn’t done anything important in about three years, and the issue also manages to find room for his feelings about his past, Moira, and other aspects of his history that also haven’t been touched on in years. The fake X-Men come off as a little obvious, but Lobdell’s script does a good job at playing off of Banshee’s own insecurities as to why he doesn’t figure it out sooner. While you don’t ever believe that they are the real X-Men, you do believe how Banshee could think they are.

Also exciting is Sabretooth actually getting to do something other than sit in his cell and act menacing. Granted he just starred in the annual and the flashback in X-Men #33, but this feels a lot more substantial. The really neat thing is the dynamic that Banshee can’t really trust his team, since Emma and Sabretooth are former villains and Jubilee is absolutely worthless. This actual tension makes up for the fact that the Phalanx are one-dimensional villains that aren’t really interesting,but they are fun to look at due to Joe Mad’s awesome art style.

You could also criticize some of the story elements since they fail to stand up to logic, but they are necessary for the story to work. If the Phalanx could capture all of the X-Men, why not just capture Banshee as well? Or Sabretooth and Emma? Why not take Jubilee to the same place that the other new mutants are being held? The prologue is also kind of a mixed bag. A character that doesn’t speak or do anything does set up some mystery, but it also isn’t very exciting. However, the female bodyguard does get an awesome scene; how can you not smile at a large British woman making a last stand with a giant pistol named Pickering?

With only a few characters to focus on this issue works really well. Five or six issues of fighting the Phalanx does start to wear after a while, but for now it is pretty exciting.

B+

Uncanny X-Men #313

Uncanny X-Men #313
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: This comic actually skips ahead a couple of sequences after last issue, with Gambit in the water swimming for his life from a giant Phalanx hand. The editor makes a note acknowledging this, saying there was just too much action to fit into one comic. Anyways, Gambit gets dragged underwater by the monster, but escapes by throwing charged playing cards into its mouth. Yes, he throws playing cards accurately while UNDERWATER! On the swim up, Gambit spots Yukio’s unconscious body. He debates leaving her, but decides against it.

At the mansion, Iceman’s unconscious body is doing some weird things with his powers. Banshee “subtlely” notes that it is as if the boy is learning about his powers from scratch. Jubilee yells at Beast for an off color comment, then apologizes. Banshee notes that young mutants like Jubilee should have a place where someone can worry about them instead of the next crisis, continuing the foreshadowing for Generation X from Uncanny #304. With Creed in his cell, Xavier swears that he will help Sabretooth, or die trying. This lasts for a couple of issues, until Xavier decides to give up and hand him over to the government.

Back at the docks, Storm is busy fighting the female Phalanx. Gambit helps Storm out by hitting the Phalanx with his staff, which is apparently really effective. Elsewhere we find Stephen Lang, a former Sentinel programmer who is now a member of the Phalanx. Doug Ramsey, Cypher of the New Mutants, is also a part of the Phalanx, even though he died and is a mutant. He is able to resist Lang’s influence to some extent, and I think his story is continued in the Excalibur Phalanx crossover, because it is never mentioned here again. We also see Cameron Hodge and another member who fights the X-Men later.

At the docks, both Phalanx members have cornered Yukio. She offers to tell them anything, but really she is just stalling so Gambit can charge a giant anchor and drop it on the villains. Storm questions whether the Phalanx have a right to life, even if it costs humanity theirs. Then she summons a lightning bolt, disintegrates the remains of the bad guys, and blows them away. Yukio kicks Gambit in the face because, err, I guess he might’ve forgotten that she doesn’t like him.

At the mansion, Iceman is awake, but Charles reveals that it is really Emma Frost’s mind in Bobby’s body.

How It Was: Not quite as good as last issue, but still pretty darn good. I’ll start with the art first, since Joe Mad is still drawing up a storm. The best parts are at the Phalanx “base” because Joe Mad really pulls off a surreal, techno-organic type purgatory. Sure the upcoming crossover is an excuse to brush off some dead characters, but it still looks really nice. The underwater scenes are also well done, even if the physics of them look nothing like our Earth physics.

The real problem comes with the ways in which the X-Men fight the Phalanx this issue, none of which seem really creative or like they should be effective. Throwing playing cards underwater and hitting a bad guy with a stick should just plain not work, and how is dropping an exploding anchor on them to finish them any different than the exploding motorcycle from last issue? The Phalanx themselves aren’t really interesting, other than visually that is; they just continually talk about assimilation and conquering the planet. Then there’s Yukio, who doesn’t really belong in this story because she has no purpose other than to lead the bad guys to the good guys. She doesn’t do a lot this issue, other than act really mean to Gambit after he saved her life. To illicit such a response, either Gambit did something pretty awful, or Yukio is just a jerk. Unfortunately, as I said before, we never get to find out which one it is.

The stuff at the mansion is okay. Xavier’s ultimatum to Sabretooth is a bit of a mislead, in that it makes you think that something is actually going to come of Sabretooth’s storyline. The reveal at the end is well done, and leads into a pretty good story, but that’s a matter for next issue’s review. Overall, this story is really just a prelude to the huge Phalanx crossover coming up in a few issues. This story has some nice scenes for Storm and Gambit, but really isn’t anything to write home about.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #312

Uncanny X-Men #312
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Storm and Yukio begin the issue by diving out of a window in an exciting fashion. They are being pursued by a member of the Phalanx—a techno-organic race of aliens that assimilate people and matter into their hive mind culture. To fill you in on Yukio, she is an ally of Wolverine’s who met Storm during one of the X-Men’s adventures. Storm was so taken by the woman’s devil may care-live for today attitude that she ended up shaving her hair into a mohawk and wearing a leather biker costume for a good portion of the late eighties. Anyways, while they are being shot at, Yukio reveals to Storm that she is a member of Professor X’s Mutant Underground, and also that the monster has been chasing her for weeks.

At the same time, Gambit is on his motorcycle en route to meet Storm and Yukio. He flirts with a female motorist at a red light, but notices a bolt of lightning in the distance. This is the same bolt that Storm has summoned to kill their pursuer. Yukio goes to pick up a Phalanx hand as a sample, but the hand reforms and shoots her with an energy blast.

Down the street, a human is beating the charred remains of the Phalanx with a bat, claiming that he was the one who saved the day. Storm tries to stop the man, but she is too late and he is absorbed by the Phalanx. A fight ensues, with Gambit showing up to save the day. Storm flies the group away, but crashes in front of the Sea, Air, and Space Museum. Yukio pulls a knife on Gambit, saying that she remembers him from a previous job and doesn’t trust him.

The group is then confronted by the attractive woman that Gambit was flirting with earlier. She turns out to be a Nation Security Council Agent, but when the other Phalanx monster tracks them down, she reveals that she is also a member of the Phalanx.

And finally, at the mansion Beast is trying to resuscitate Iceman, who was found unconscious in Emma Frost’s room after being blasted by energy last issue. After Bobby starts breathing again, you’ll note that he mumbles “Pierce, no,” which is foreshadowing that the White Queen is in his body, since the last thing she remembers is seeing Pierce lead Sentinels to the Hellfire Club from back in issue #281. Professor X gets caught up telepathically, via Jubilee, and Bishop has Sabretooth shackled to the wall. Creed taunts the X-Men, explaining how Iceman is a loser who has wasted his potential. While everyone’s attention is on Bobby, the White Queen appears to awaken.

How It Was: First things first, there is a new Uncanny regular artist in town. Joe Madureira (or Joe Mad for those who don’t want to be driven insane by constantly trying to spell his name) replaces John Romita Jr. with this issue. Whereas Romita’s work is a little more traditional, although still distinct, Joe Mad’s art definitely has a bit of the manga influence that is all the rage with the kids these days. Proportions are less realistic, eyes are wider, and explosions are brighter and much, much more prevalent. It takes some getting used to; he really is a good and dynamic action artist, although he was prone to deadline issues. Plus this issue, he really captures the Phalanx particularly well.

As for the story, the first question one probably has upon reading this issue is why Yukio? Basically the only reason I can think of is that the Phalanx were prone to attack X-Men supporting cast members, or at least that is how it was initially set up; Opal Tanaka and the deceased Candy Southern set the precedent. So Yukio is only really here because she is tangentially tied to the X-Men, and she disappears after this story. There’s also a back story with Gambit that is alluded to, but never addressed in the X-Men books, although it could have been told in Unlimited or one of the Gambit series.

As for the rest of the story, it’s pretty much non-stop action; Gambit gets a particularly good action sequence involving a motorcycle, and Storm also gets to do some impressive feats with her powers. The problem is that the Phalanx have now been reworked as one of those enemies that adapts with every attack, so they just keep coming until the writer can come up with some contrived way for them to finally stop or die. There’s also the double twist of the motorist turned government agent turned Phalanx that is completely unnecessary because nobody has built any kind of attachment to this background character for it to matter.

As for the scenes at the mansion, I think the last panel is supposed to be a mistake of some kind, since Emma isn’t supposed to wake up until well after Bobby does. Still, I promise this is building to something pretty good.

B

Uncanny X-Men #306

Uncanny X-Men #306
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: John Romita Jr.

What Went Down: Archangel and Jean Grey decide to take some time off at Warren’s Colorado vacation house on the anniversary of the death of Candy Southern--Archangel’s girlfriend during the days of the original X-Factor. The two friends reminisce about growing up in the X-Men, comfort each other over the death of Candy, and then they are both shocked to discover Candy still alive in Warren’s house.

At the mansion, Xavier is training with Quicksilver in the Danger Room. Beast and Quicksilver are both concerned that Xavier is becoming obsessed over Magneto. In an anti-gravity challenge, the two combatants fight to a standstill. Xavier refuses help from Pietro, and Quicksilver warns him about being too proud to ask for help.

Back in Colorado, Archangel is understandably disturbed, and Jean confirms that whoever she is, this Candy has all of the old Candy’s memories. In downtown New York, Storm meets Forge at a fancy restaurant. Forge has invited her out to ask if they can still be friends, to which she agrees. The couple then proceeds to engage in one of those awkward dancing without music scenes that never comes off as cute as it’s meant to.

Jean decides to take Archangel and herself into Candy’s mind to witness her last memories in order to figure out just who she is. Apparently Candy was aware of being kidnapped by Cameron Hodge the whole time. The next thing she knew, she was under some sheets being resurrected by some shadowy characters. A trap in Candy’s mind stuns Jean and Warren long enough for the Phalanx infected Cameron Hodge to materialize. Hodge reveals that this Candy was created from parts of himself, so that when Archangel attacks Hodge, he hurts Candy. Candy refuses to once again be a pawn of Hodge, so she rips herself apart. Hodge explodes, and Candy’s mangled body lasts just long enough to thank Warren before expiring.

How It Was: Another Lobdell issue where the relationships shine. The interactions between Warren and Jean are pitch perfect for the entire issue, whether they are casually flirting with each other or comforting one another over various tragedies in their past. The back and forth between the two is just wonderful. Once again we also get a chance to see Xavier obsessing over Magneto; however, this particular scene doesn’t resonate as well since it contains a Danger Room exercise that has no real relation to anything that might actually occur in a confrontation with Magneto. The interactions between Archangel and Candy also manage to get some sadness and emotion out of the reader as well. It’s a nice little story that brings some closure to the relationship that never really existed in the original “death of Candy” story. Even though a fake, we discover that Candy’s feelings for Warren were strong enough for her to give her life for his. The only weakness character-wise would probably fall on the villain Hodge, since he has no real motivation for screwing with Warren other than just being a tosser.

John Romita returns after taking an issue off to work on the double sized issue #304. Some pages really shine, especially any page depicting techno-Cameron Hodge or Candy after her body starts to break down. Conversely, there are some spots that feel a little rushed, as if Romita was struggling to get back on schedule. Quicksilver particularly bears little resemblance to what he is actually supposed to look like, and many of the characters’ faces appear too heavily shaded at times. Plus the flashback of Candy’s death is depicted in some truly hideous neon colors. Still, I really like this issue because it is one of the few that manages to make Archangel both likable and interesting, a truly impressive feat.

B+

Uncanny X-Men #305

Uncanny X-Men #305
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Jan Duresma

What Went Down: Before I hear any complaints: no this isn’t a mistake and yes there is a storyline that takes place smack dab in the middle of the Fatal Attractions crossover. Today, Marvel probably would have labeled the issues in question as some kind of crossover fallout event, but the 90s were simpler times.

Anyways, mysterious soldiers that somewhat resemble Judge Dredd are camped outside of Opal Tanaka’s house, but they are ambushed by the X-Men. Rogue, Bishop, and Iceman defeat the soldiers, although two of them dissolve into pink slime. Opal is also quite angry with Iceman for being used as bait and at the very absurdity of her boyfriend’s life. She finally breaks up with Iceman, this time permanently.

In Washington, Storm and the Professor are attending a fancy party: among the guests are Senator Kelly and an ambassador by the name of St. Croix (no relation to Monet St. Croix, a character who will appear later in this title). The ambassador turns out to be a human member of Xavier’s Mutant Underground, a group dedicated to preserving mutantkind by keeping Xavier informed. Storm asks the ambassador why he puts his career and life on the line for mutants, and the Ambassador tells the story of his wife Lenore who was injured by a drunk driver, and was denied medical care because it triggered her mutation and scared away the paramedics, resulting in her death.

In the Blackbird, Iceman’s team is attempting to interrogate the surviving member of the soldiers. Rogue tries absorbing his memories, but the result causes her physical form to dissolve. The reason for this is that the soldier is an early form of the Phalanx, an alien race that is made up of techno-organic fibers. Outside the party, Xavier asks Storm to steal data on a power suit that is being tested to use against Magneto. Storm is hesitant to do so.

Bishop uses his powers to absorb some of Rogue’s powers so that she will regain her form. Back in D.C., Storm recalls encountering Xavier when she was a child. As she breaks into the facility, she questions whether or not Xavier might have used his powers to plant a hypnotic suggestion that compelled her to join the X-Men. Storm returns to Xavier with a disk containing the schematics of the suit, but she refuses to destroy it since the humans have every right to try to protect themselves. Storm leaves Xavier and tells him that she will never steal for him again.

How It Was: An odd little interlude that introduces us to the Phalanx (even though we don’t know what they’re called yet), ends Iceman’s go nowhere relationship with Opal, and introduces some potentially interesting revelations about the relationship between Storm and Professor X that are never mentioned again. The fight between the X-Men and the soldiers at the beginning of the issue is enjoyable enough, and I like the twist that the soldiers explode into goo and cause the X-Men to question each other’s techniques. Also the visual of Rogue absorbing the one soldier’s powers is very cool looking. Opal’s rationale for dumping Bobby is understandable, but not necessarily groundbreaking; it’s hard to be affected by this scene knowing that Iceman and Opal were hardly a couple at this point anyway, and the breakup doesn’t exactly affect Bobby long term.

Lobdell gets to show off his character skills with Storm and the Professor; St. Croix is an unremarkable character with a somewhat compelling back story. But what is really interesting to see is a Professor X who has become even more driven to stop Magneto after seeing a driven Magneto who is ready to finally end the conflict between humans and mutants. Storm’s recollections about her childhood seem convenient to the plot, but they do offer some potentially explosive revelations if they ever turn out to be true. Unfortunately the subject is never touched upon again, and the plot with the power suit is dealt with in a back up strip in X-Men Unlimited. A pretty average issue all told.

B