Uncanny X-Men #302

Uncanny X-Men #302
Writer: Scott Lobdell
Art: John Romita Jr.

What Went Down: Because the top of Eagle’s Aerie was blown up last issue, Storm is forced to use her powers to deflect the debris from bystanders. The problem is that she can only use the wind, and it is a very imprecise process. To many of the bystanders, it appears that Storm is causing the wreckage to fall as opposed to protecting them from it. At the same time, Bishop uses his powers to shoot through the wreckage at the top. He discovers a weird structure erected where Forge’s base should be.

At the mansion’s medical wing, Illyana’s condition is worsening, and Professor X is trying his hardest to help her. Illyana asks for her brother, but since Colossus is away on a mission, Xavier uses his powers to impersonate Colossus and comfort her.

Some debris strikes Storm, and an angry mob descends on her, blaming her for putting them in danger. A lone police officer with a shotgun gets the crowd’s attention, giving Storm a chance to collect herself. Inside the building, Bishop inspects the dome and finds Forge alive and in a horrible mood.

On the street, the crowd has decided that they can take on the police officer, but the rest of the Gold Team arrives to protect him. Iceman gets to make an ice web to catch the remaining debris, freeing Storm from her task.

As Bishop tries to get Mystique and Forge out of the building, Fitzroy attacks again. Unfortunately for him, Jean Grey pops his armor from the inside with her powers. Fitzroy manages to get a hold of Bishop and Forge, but before he can drain them Colossus tackles him and starts wailing on him. Peter comes close to killing the villain, due to his pent up rage over his sister’s health, but the rest of the Gold Team stops him. In a reversal of roles from his first appearance, Bishop ends up being the one to calm Colossus down.

Inside the X-mansion, Jubilee answers the door to find that Kitty Pryde has come to visit Illyana.

How It Was: It’s the conclusion of a big fight, and it’s not bad. Not great, but not bad. The fight with Fitzroy is essentially over, and he gets defeated twice this issue in summarily anticlimactic fashion. The real conflict comes from the mob outside, but the angry mob attacking the X-Men has been done many times before, most recently in Uncanny #300. In a nice change of pace, there is one representative human who is not an intolerant idiot, yet the rest of Texas gets portrayed as angry bumpkins. There are few nice character moments, such as the scene with Professor X and Illyana. Colossus’s breakdown comes off as somewhat hysterical and melodramatic, but in hindsight I think that it does a great job of setting up Colossus’ decisions in later issues. It’s also nice to see Bishop demonstrate his growth over the last couple of issues, but his argument isn’t very strong. He claims that the criminals he killed were okay because he was a law enforcement officer carrying out a sentence, but the problem is that Fitzroy belongs to that same group of criminals that he was killing. Another major flaw with the story involves the fact that Forge was supposed to do something incredibly important if he lived, and at the end of the story he doesn’t do anything.

The art has more sideways pages, which is something to dislike. Also, there is a panel where Forge is using a crutch in the wrong arm. Barring that, there are some great panels in this issue, like Jean shattering Fitzroy’s armor…no matter how lame that scene is. It’s another mediocre issue—it has action in it, but it’s rather uncompelling. The great news is that this is the last issue to have anything to do with the Upstarts. Of course, that’s probably also the reason that all of the Upstarts issues are so uninteresting. Still, this issue does lead into some interesting events over the course of the next couple of issues.

C

Uncanny X-Men #299

Uncanny X-Men #299
Writer: Scott Lobdell
Artist: Brandon Peterson

What Went Down: First it’s time to catch up with Forge. He’s out in Kuwait exploring the remains of Asteroid M for the U.S., specifically Henry Peter Gyrich. They come across an empty Magneto shaped shell inside the throne room, so Forge logically concludes that the Master of Magnetism is alive and well.

Down at the New York ABC News studio, Professor X is preparing to go on TV in an attempt to cool mutant/human tension after the Acolyte attack on the school last issue. Jean is with him for moral support. The Professor is appearing on TV with Senator Kelly, who is concerned about the threat posed by mutants, and in his first appearance ever, human supremacist Graydon Creed, the leader and face of the hate group known as the Friends of Humanity.

Over in an orphanage, Archangel is spending time with Teddy, the autistic potential mutant from last issue. He carries the sleeping boy to bed, and then meets an open-minded nun who complements him on his bravery and compassion.

During the debate, Xavier and Kelly find that they share similar views, while Creed pretty much embarrasses himself. In an unknown location, the Upstarts are watching the proceedings. Cortez reveals that Creed is a member of the group, and we get to meet the “leader” of the Upstarts’ game, the Gamemaster. The Gamemaster also reveals that he knows that Fitzroy has been grooming another member to join the group, which he allows.

At the X-mansion, Illyana has a bad dream and gives a Valentine to her brother, Colossus; it’s very sweet. Also she has a cough, which will turn out to be significant later.

The Beast is also invited to speak on TV and uses his time to blatantly insult Creed and call him out as a racist. The Gold Team and Charlotte Jones are watching the debate at Harry’s Hideaway. Bishop notices a waitress who looks familiar, which should be impossible since he’s from the future. The subplot gets resolved in three years time, within the other X-Men title, so don’t hold your breath on this one. Storm makes a toast that lets us know Sharon Freidlander died in the last issue. Sadsies.

After the broadcast, Kelly and Xavier exchange complements. One of Kelly’s aides reveals himself telepathically to Jean; the aide is Noah Dubois of Landau, Luckman, and Lake—a group that is central to the Deadpool series years later. Outside, Cyclops meets up with Xavier and Jean and informs them that they found the Acolytes hideout.

How It Was: Well, it’s the central theme of the series being debated for an issue, occasionally interrupted by subplots that are either being initiated or furthered. The debate is actually more interesting than it has any business of being. Xavier’s media canonization after the assassination attempt in X-Cutioner’s Song is an interesting development for the character. Kelly as a moderate with realistic concerns about mutant threats, as opposed to the traditional genocidal zealots, is fairly refreshing. And the appearance of the Beast adds some welcomed humor and breaks up the monotony of the scene. The only misstep is the introduction of Graydon Creed, who is built up as being a charismatic and compelling speaker, but in actuality is just an idiot who bats around unfounded accusations and is made a fool of by the Beast. His central argument always just boils down to “Kill all the mutants!” As far as threats go, Creed doesn’t rate anywhere near human X-opponents such as William Stryker or Bolivar Trask or even Robert Kelly.

There are quite a few additional scenes to cover in this issue. The Colossus and Illyana scene is nice enough, even if it only exists to fill readers in on what happened in X-Men #17-19; however, the setup for the Legacy Virus is nice and subtle. The Upstarts scene is completely forgettable, mostly because the entire Upstarts plotline is about to completely fall out of the X-books after another arc in X-Men and another arc in Uncanny. Even without that fact, the plot is clearly getting too convoluted as more characters are added to the ranks, and the group’s purpose in turn becomes vaguer. As for the Gold Team, their interactions are interesting, if mundane. The thread about Bishop and the waitress gets forgotten for so long, and the actual resolution comes out of nowhere, that it’s best to just forget it until we come back to it later.

Brandon Peterson has a weak day on art for this issue; he seems to struggle with drawing so many panels involving three white men in suits sitting and talking and making it interesting. A lot of the character positions look stiff and unnatural; in one panel it looks like Xavier is doing the robot in his seat. And the Gamemaster makes for a really awful character design before you take into consideration the redundancy of a villain in X-Men who is a bald telepath.

C

Uncanny X-Men #298

Uncanny X-Men #298
Writer: Scott Lobdell
Art: Brandon Peterson


What Went Down: Professor X has secluded himself in the War Room for the last seventy-two hours monitoring news reports on mutant/human relations. Bishop enters to resign from the X-Men due to his failure to protect Xavier, but the Professor refuses to accept his resignation.

At a private school, former New Mutants supporting character Sharon Friedlander is preparing for the school day. She mentions that she is working in this place as a favor to Xavier before being knocked out by the Acolytes.

In the Danger Room, Jean Grey and Archangel are running a test to help Bishop and Gambit learn to work together. This is a major obstacle because Bishop believes Gambit is the traitor who in the future is responsible for killing the X-Men, and Gambit doesn’t really appreciate that.

Over in Central Park, supporting character, and on again/off again Archangel girlfriend, Charlotte Jones is jogging and contemplating her recent decisions. She meets Storm and Professor X to give him a file. While they are talking, Xavier receives a mental cry for help from Sharon. He contacts the X-Men and tells them to leave right away.

Back at the school, Tom Corsi, another New Mutants supporting character, is driving the school bus full of students to the school. He notices that nobody seems to be around right before the school explodes revealing the Acolytes and the unconscious Sharon (who next issue we learn is dead). The new Acolytes are as follows: the Kleinstock Brothers, Unuscione—the daughter of 60’s era X-villain Unus the Unstoppable, and Cargill—former member of the Axis of Evil. They also identify that their leader is Fabian Cortez, the man responsible for betraying Magneto in X-Men #1-3. Their mission is to find a latent mutant to add to their ranks and kill all the rest of the humans.

Right off the bat, one of the Kleinstocks gets killed by a shotgun blast from Corsi, leaving two. Unuscione uses her “psionic exo-skeleton” to grab him. She is about to kill him when the X-Men show up.

The X-Men battle the Acolytes. Events of note include Archangel being engulfed by flames and surviving. Also Cargill apparently knows Gambit because they call each other by their first names, but nothing ever comes of this. Unuscione finds the potential mutant, but he has Down’s Syndrome, so the Acolytes don’t want him anymore. The Kleinstocks start a fire near the bus, and the X-Men get to work trying to save the children. The flames get close to the gas tank, but luckily Storm shows up and puts out the fire.

The issue ends with Senator Robert Kelly on TV denouncing mutants and warning the public about the threat mutants pose. Professor X turns off the TV and looks very concerned.

How It Was: Very enjoyable. It appears that the X-Men once again have a direction as well as some interesting avenues to explore. Everything about this issue feels well constructed. The expansion of Bishop and Gambit’s relationship is very welcome, as is the direction for Professor X as refocused due to his recent near death experience. The fight with the Acolytes is really well done, mostly owing to the fact that Lobdell keeps the numbers down and only introduces us to five of the members (and one of them dies right away, so we don’t have to worry about him). The fight is also well paced and has some clever moments to it, such as Gambit’s use of a tire swing or Jean’s surprise at the Kleinstocks’ powers. My one regret is that the Acolytes’ powers are introduced, but none of their personalities go beyond narrow-minded zealot. On the other hand, Lobdell does get some great moments out of C-list supporting characters like Sharon Freidlander and Tom Corsi.

Peterson’s art looks really nice this issue; just look at the details in the computer screens and newspapers in Xavier War Room towards the beginning of the issue. Also, the room full of Archangels looks rather nice as well. A really good issue.

A

Uncanny X-Men Annual #16

Uncanny X-Men Annual #16
Writing: Fabian Nicieza, Chris Cooper, and Skip Dietz
Art: Jae Lee and Herb Trimpe

What Went Down: We are introduced to the Death Sponsors in their one and only appearance, as far as I know. They are a group fighting for a pirate channel that is seeking to usurp viewers from Mojo’s channel, thus placing them in charge because in that world whoever has the highest ratings controls the world. The team consists of Sweepzweak, Deadair, Lead-In, Cancellator, and Timeslot. Are you laughing yet? Their shadowy boss is Mojo II, and he sends them to Earth to complete one of three tasks in order to gain higher ratings; either find Spiral, Arize, or Longshot. Since Arize is the focus of the crossover, he is their target for this issue.

Cut to the mansion where—surprise, surprise—the Gold Team is in the Danger Room running a simulation; this one involves rescuing innocents from a burning building. Can you tell Nicieza was having trouble filling up pages? At any rate, Colossus is stuck holding up the building while Storm, Iceman, and Archangel are looking for people. This leaves new recruit Bishop to be blindsided by Apocalypse. Rather than allow Colossus to decide between saving him and holding up the building, Bishop brandishes a gun and threatens to kill himself rather than be used as a bargaining chip. Professor X ends the session, and everyone comments on how unpredictable Bishop is.

Meanwhile Jean is sifting through Arize’s memories, trying to help him remember who he is. Essentially he is responsible for creating any humanoids that are in Mojoworld, and he feels bad that they are all slaves. He also created Longshot, and gave him self-determination. Arize worries that he is responsible for many deaths even though he can’t remember how; the Professor and Jean console him.

For some reason, the Death Sponsors appear in Japan. Shortly after that, they detect Arize and teleport to the mansion. What’s the point? Why to fill up three pages.

Back at the mansion, Bishop questions the Professor about why they are bothering with Arize. The answer is basically: because that’s what heroes do, although Jean makes a weak attempt to frame Arize as a mutant in his world because he is different and an outcast. The alarm goes off and the Gold Team fights the Death Sponsors. The X-Men hold their own until one of the Sponsors activates a power disruptor that turns off all of their powers. Bishop draws his rifle while one of the Death Sponsor’s restores Arize’s memory. As they teleport away with Arize, Bishop shoots the teleporter, which causes them to teleport without Arize because they are all mind linked, for some reason. Bishop even throws in a groan inducing “Hasta la vista, baby.”

After regaining his memory, Arize decides to leave the X-Men to try to help save his world from Mojo. The rest of the Gold Team comment on Bishop and his unpredictability again; they wonder whether or not they can trust him.

What Else Went Down: Archangel is fighting Mandroids at a laboratory of some kind. While rescuing a scientist, he gets shot. As he lays dying, a blue woman named Amalgam appears and talks about how this is the second time she has met Warren.

A flashback occurs to the Morlock tunnels during the Morlock Massacre, after Angel was stabbed in the wings. She offers Warren the chance to give her his powers and memories so that his death will not be in vain. Then she turns into Cyclops and Beast to try to convince him. Warren finally agrees, but as she absorbs his powers, she uses Destiny’s powers to see that he is needed in the future.

Warren then wakes up as Archangel in the present in the infirmary of the mansion. All of the X-Men comment on how happy they are that he survived.

What Else Went Down: Bishop is outside brooding, and Storm decides to make an attempt to get him to open up. Basically Bishop is homesick and feels guilty about letting his companions Malcolm and Randall die. He also brings up a tree that survived in his time as the only remaining marker of the school. The original class of X-Men allegedly planted it, but in the present it doesn’t exist. Storm leaves Bishop to his brooding, and he falls asleep outside. When he wakes up, it is raining and Storm has planted a tree in the spot, giving Bishop hope for the future.

How It Was: A minor, oh so minor improvement over the first part of Shattershot. On the one hand, the Death Sponsors are a lot cooler looking and more imposing than Mojo’s assorted henchmen from the first part. But unfortunately they are stuck with the gimmicky names and barely half a personality to share between the entire group. But the fight is far more entertaining then the previous one, and Nicieza manages to get some tension going towards the end, although he has to have a contrived power neutralizer to get the rest of the team out of the way. And Bishop gets a legitimately cool and redeeming moment, and then ruins it by quoting the Terminator.

But the same problems also crop up in this issue. Once again Nicieza starts with an unnecessary Danger Room sequence for lack of a better idea. Once again there are scenes with the villains that add nothing to the story, such as having them appear in Japan, realize they are in the wrong spot, and leave Japan. And there is Arize, whose origin is given a little more detail, but most of it was easily pieced together from the hints last issue. Plus, if you’ll remember my X-Cutioner’s Song reviews, Jae Lee’s art continues to not impress me. Although I will go as far as to say that the Death Sponsors' designs really benefit from his style, and the fight scenes and dream scenes he draws are pretty dynamic. However, the scenes where everybody is talking just look odd when matched up with the art. Probably the best chapter of Shattershot, but that isn’t saying a lot.

As for the back up stories, neither one really affects the overall narrative of the X-Men or makes a huge impression. The Archangel/Amalgam story is just weird and feels like a part of a bigger story that never got started. Also, if her thing is to take dead people’s powers and memories, why does she use Cyclops and Beast as examples? If she can travel throughout time, why doesn’t she go to Warren’s actual final death? It just doesn’t feel like it was that thought out. As for the Bishop story, it’s kind of mushy and doesn’t really matter at all. Both back up stories are pretty bad for this chapter.

C

Uncanny X-Men #295

Uncanny X-Men #295
Writer: Scott Lobdell
Art: Brandon Peterson

What Went Down: Part 5 of The X-Cutioner’s Song. Apocalypse isn’t doing too well since he was brought out of his healing chamber too early, yet despite the pain he is still climbing his way to his old base. When he finally reaches the building, he finds the Gold Team, Beast, and Quicksilver waiting for him with the unconscious Horsemen on the ground; evidently the X-Men beat up the other two Horsemen in between issues.

Back at the mansion, X-Force is being held prisoner down in the Danger Room, and Strong Guy is kicking Jubilee out for getting into an argument with Shatterstar. Polaris is up in the booth feeling sorry for them since they are just kids; Havok comes and comforts her.

Down in the medical lab, Moira is monitoring Charles’ life signs while Psylocke visits. Psylocke’s internal monologue explains that she intends to kill the Professor as an act of mercy to avoid the inevitable violation of his body and mind that is to come, but she is interrupted by a summons to the war room.

The Gold Team has a big fight with Apocalypse. Apparently Beast is all better from being turned into a starving weakling since he participates in the fight.

At Stryfe’s base, Jean Grey is being violated by hundreds of metal hands. She manages to escape, only to be knocked unconscious by Stryfe. Stryfe makes a bunch of vague allusions about abandoned children.

Over at the X-Men’s war room, Val Cooper briefs all of the teams on everything that has happened up until now. I guess the paper Sinister gave her had Stryfe’s picture on it, because Val also briefs them on the villain. Jubilee brings up the fact that Cable and Stryfe might be the same person, which seems to concern everyone.

Bishop and Wolverine managed to sneak out of the mansion to go to Canada. They are laying siege to Department K, a recurring antagonist for Cable, to find any files that might lead them to their prey. Bishop thanks Wolverine for trusting him enough to let him come, but Wolverine tells him he only did it because Bishop has a record, and he didn’t want to get any of the other X-Men in legal trouble.

Elsewhere, Colossus and Archangel have Apocalypse on the ropes, but he manages to reach a machine that repowers him. He decides that there is no honor in killing his enemies while they are unconscious, so he just teleports away.

In the mansion’s study, Havok and Gambit offer Cannonball an opportunity to help them hunt Cable or the bad guys responsible for this story. Sam agrees.

Finally, Cable shows up at Department K. He is happy to see that the facility is already under assault as it will make it easier for him to obtain the files he came for. That is until Bishop and Wolverine run into him, which cues the cliffhanger for next issue’s big fight.

How It Was: Very exciting: that’s one way to put it. The fight against Apocalypse is pretty cool. Because he’s depowered, the X-Men seem like they have a chance, which builds the tension a little bit. And of course, is there anything cooler than Bishop and Wolverine beating the tar out of anonymous solders? I think not. Yes, the toughest two characters from each of the X-Men squads finally get to team up and the results are action packed, although not necessarily epic.

As for the rest, Val’s little exposition sequence in the middle is kind of dry, but entirely necessary for those readers who don’t follow X-Force or Cable. And Psylocke’s attempt to euthanize the Professor just comes off as really weird, although it does set up her attitude for future stories.

This issue also sees the benching of X-Force. Other than Cannonball, Boomer, and Cable, none of the other X-Force members do anything of note for the rest of this story. That’s okay though because this crossover already has more than enough characters in it. Peterson’s art once again is decent, although there are a couple of slip ups. On page 9 Alex is wiping away a tear on Lorna, but her eye is drawn on her forehead to make it fit.

A fun little issue right before the halfway point.

B

Uncanny X-Men #293

Uncanny X-Men #293
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Tom Raney

What Went Down: Storm, Colossus, and Bishop begin the issue by tracking the Morlocks as they return to the sewers. Even though the Morlocks are no longer under the influence of the scared little boy from last issue, the Gold Team still wants to make sure there is no trouble. Also, following the Morlocks evidently means breaking through the walls of the sewers instead of just tailing one of them.

Well big surprise, there is trouble as Mikhail Rasputin (in full crazy mode) is discovered at the Morlocks’ lair sitting on a throne made of live Morlocks. It seems he wants to take over the vacant spot of leader.

In another part of the sewers, Jean Grey is looking for Archangel, who left the fight to go sulk last issue. Professor X is guiding her telepathically until Calisto attacks him.

Colossus decides that he has to reach out to his brother, a very reasonable assumption, and begins by tearing off his shirt, a very weird and uncomfortable action. Mikhail uses his powers to open the floodgates because he believes that the best direction he can take as leader is to kill all of the Morlocks in a flood, thus sending them to the hereafter where they won’t have to suffer any more.

Jean finds Archangel reminiscing about when the Marauders injured his wings, although he calls them the Reavers by accident (i.e. typo). Jean tells him that his wings aren’t controlling him, even though other stories had already established that they do sometimes, and that all of his rages were his own fault. Unfortunately this explanation is allowed to stand, killing the only good Archangel plot thread for the foreseeable future, at least until he starts dating Psylocke, which isn’t really that interesting at all.

Back to Xavier, he severely embarrasses Calisto by knocking her out. That’s right; an unarmed, paralyzed man on the ground beats up the warrior leader of the Morlocks who has a knife. Mikhail uses his powers to carry the Professor and Calisto to where he is, so now he has telekinesis as well.

Iceman shows up to attack Mikhail, and the X-Men get to work trying to stop him. Iceman tries shooting ice at him, Bishop tries absorbing all of his energy, but nothing works. Oddly enough, Iceman is also ineffective at trying to freeze the water, which doesn’t really make sense since that’s the whole point of his power.

Colossus gives up and tells his brother that he will die with him if he must, but Archangel saves him. Mikhail uses his powers to use Jean Grey’s powers and send all of the X-Men out of the sewers before the water crushes all of the Morlocks. No worries, they’ll be back.

The issue ends with Colossus calling his sister and telling her that his trip home is going to be postponed. Then Jean consoles him as he cries for his brother.

How It Was: So the Morlocks, and Mikhail, get unceremoniously dumped out of the comic because nobody wants to deal with them. But the real problem with this issue is that a lot of it just doesn’t make sense. If the Morlocks are no longer being controlled, then why do they make Mikhail their leader, and how come no one protests when he decides to kill everyone? Why is Jean telling Warren that his wings aren’t responsible for his rages when other stories have clearly established that they are? Why does Archangel have to cry for two issues straight? How could the Professor possibly beat Calisto when he is a paralyzed man in the water with a bleeding leg? How come Iceman can’t freeze water? Why has Mikhail decided to go against his no killing rule? And why does Colossus rip his shirt off when there are only a couple of holes in it? There are just too many aspects of the plot that don’t make sense.

The one shining moment in the comic occurs during the last two pages, and not just because the story finally ends. The scene where Peter talks to his sister while trying to hold it together is very powerful. And the art does a fantastic job of rendering Peter’s pain. It’s a well done bit that is the complete opposite of Archangel’s scenes, as these are relatable and warrented. While it’s a great scene, it’s not enough to make up for all of the other shortcomings with this final chapter.

D

Uncanny X-Men #292

Uncanny X-Men #292
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Tom Raney

What Went Down: Things aren’t going too well for the Gold Team since the last issue. Storm is still having a conniption over being swarmed by hideous mutants in an enclosed space, Archangel has abandoned the X-Men to go cry like a little girl at the spot where he lost his wings during the Mutant Massacre, and the Morlocks are rioting in New York. To make matters worse, Colossus and Bishop start the issue out with a confrontation over Bishop’s violent tendencies.

Back at the mansion, Iceman is getting his clock cleaned by Mikhail Rasputin. One of the major themes of Scott Lobdell’s Iceman stories is having Bobby realize that he hasn’t lived up to his potential as far as mastering his own powers as time after time other mutants use his powers better than he can. Mikhail demonstrates how to melt Iceman, turn Iceman into pure ice, and shatter and reform Iceman.

In between issues, it looks as if it was decided that the cause of the Morlocks’ riot was not Masque’s violation of their bodies and minds. Instead, the cause is actually a Morlock boy named Braincell who is projecting his feelings of fear into everyone else.

Colossus and Jean fight one of the most annoying characters I have ever read, MeMe. He’s a Morlock who absorbs people into his body, making him stronger, and he also happens to have the rather aggravating habit of repeating random words twice in his sentences. It annoy annoys me a lot lot. Thankfully, the only way to save the people he’s absorbed is for Jean to shut off his mind. They make a big deal about it being sad and Jean even cries, but I say good riddance to awful characters.

Bishop is also fighting a group of Morlocks, but he is interrupted by the police. They want to arrest him for killing all those mutants before he joined the X-Men. He shoots at their cars in an attempt to scare them away, and Storm takes that exact moment to reenter the fray and chastise Bishop.

As Mikhail beats up Iceman, Calisto tears apart Storm’s room and finds her old vest that she gave to Storm.

Down in the sewer, Xavier has to exit his hover chair to crawl into the small space that the young boy is hiding. In a completely unnecessary gross out scene, the Professor gets his pants caught on something, pulls really hard, and then realizes that it was actually his leg that was caught on something, and he has now ripped that leg open pretty badly. Despite the risk of bleeding to death, the Professor calms the kid down, and the Morlocks calm down in turn.

At the mansion, Calisto and Mikhail kiss; Mikhail explains that he cannot bring himself to kill anybody, but Calisto believes she can change his mind.

How It Was: It’s a big fight issue, occasionally interrupted by Archangel’s weeping and the Professor goring himself on debris. Warren’s weeping in this issue is completely uncalled for since he was joking with the X-Men down in the sewers during the previous issue, as well as the fact that he’s supposed to be the freaking angel of death. I was expecting him to maybe flip out on the Morlocks and give into the dark side that writers had been building up in stories since the original X-Factor. Instead, next issue completely ruins all of that setup by ignoring a lot of it and prematurely ending Archangel’s uncontrollable darkness, except for a brief scene during the crossover. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for characters expressing emotion, but not for them acting pathetic.

Mikhail is still lame, but his fight with Iceman is kind of exciting. Evidently crazy is contagious since Calisto is now acting completely nuts as well. As mentioned before, the scene with MeMe can’t end fast enough. Poor Bishop gets scolded not once, but twice for being too violent. Having the toughest character on the Gold Team being constantly chastised like a school boy is definitely not the way to make him seem cooler.

The art is good, especially the scenes in the sewer with Xavier. The Morlocks are all pretty generic looking, but I guess that’s part of the idea of the whole getting violated by Masque aspect. And even though I do hate it the scene with Archangel crying looks really nice.

It’s a long fight that has nothing to really recommend story or character wise, especially if you’re squeamish. The only really interesting aspect is the possibility of the X-Men and the police coming into conflict over Bishop’s wanted status, but nothing ever comes of this and it’s soon forgotten.

C

Uncanny X-Men #291

Uncanny X-Men #291
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Tom Raney

What Went Down: Random Fact About the X-Men #1: they are fans of Jay Leno. Random Fact #2: some of them need more appropriate pajamas to wear while they watch together. The X-Men’s Leno viewing is interrupted by a beaten up woman at the front door; Colossus answers the door in his boxers. The badly beaten woman turns out to be Calisto, and the badly beaten Morlock Healer is with her.

Upstairs Mikhail is having hallucinations about all of the people he killed with his powers back in the Void. Rather than act terrified, he seems to just grudgingly acknowledge them.

In the medlab, Professor X scans Calisto’s mind to discover what happened. Basically the Healer came by to ask if Calisto would reassume her role as leader of the Morlocks, and she refused because she likes being pretty and not living in the sewers (due to the mutant Masque’s ability to shapshift other people). Unfortunately, all of the Morlocks have been made even more hideous by Masque, and this has made them a tad insane. After she says no, the other Morlocks freak out and beat both of them senseless.

Everyone is startled to discover that Mikhail was able to listen in on the Professor’s psychic frequency. Mikhail also expresses his sympathy for Calisto since she is also responsible for the fall of a group of people entrusted to her. Storm declares that she is going to try to stop the Morlocks by herself (because she was technically the Morlocks’ leader until Masque took over), but Archangel talks her out of it by explaining that the Morlocks are everybody’s responsibility.

As the X-Men are planning their next move, the Healer heals all of Calisto’s wounds, but at the cost of his life and Calisto’s beauty for some reason.

There is a subplot scene about a man in sunglasses from the Friends of Humanity collecting someone at a nursing home…I have no idea what this refers to; I think it was a dropped plotline.

Well the X-Men, plus Professor X, journey to the sewers, and Iceman stays at the mansion to watch Calisto. Mikhail gets in Iceman’s face and tells him he is going to free Calisto.

Down in the sewers, Storm tries to talk to the Morlocks, but they all swarm around her. She flips out because of her claustrophobia, and blasts a hole through the sewer to the surface, setting free all of the unstable Morlocks.

How It Was: And so begins “The Last Morlock Story.” Except it’s not really, the last issue of this arc just has those words on the cover. Between this story and the Mutant Massacre, you’d think the Morlocks would be all gone by now, but they always find a way to come back.

This is a pretty good intro to the story, although in the next couple of issues the narrative starts to abandon logic. But the badly beaten Calisto does start the issue off with a sense of urgency, as does the death of the Healer, even if he was an inconsequential mid-1980s comic book bit character (Random Fact: the Healer actually appears in the X-Men Legends video game voiced by Emmy and Golden Globe Award winning actor Ed Asner, so maybe he’s not that minor). However, Mikhail’s perceived connection with Calisto doesn’t really make much sense since she completely abandoned the Morlocks without reservations and remorselessly killed some in the process. Future stories tend to forget the whole “pretty Calisto” plot, and in a few years she will be accusing Storm of abandoning her people without any sense of guilt or irony. But back to Mikhail, he turns into a total tool over the course of this story, and Lobdell keeps giving him more and more applications for his vaguely defined powers.

It’s also nice to see characters like Archangel and Storm react to having to deal with the Morlocks again, although it is funny how every Morlock story starts with Storm feeling guilty about not taking her role as leader seriously, and then afterwards she completely ignores them until the next Morlock crisis.

The art by fill in artist Tom Raney is rather nice. Sometimes the proportions on characters are a little off, and the two page spread on the second and third pages contains characters in some completely unnecessary action poses, but for the most part the characters are depicted clearly, and with some great expressions. There is a really gross scene of one of the Morlock’s taking out Calisto’s eye, followed by a great shot of her tearing the Morlocks apart with her arms covered in blood. Unfortunately the coloring scheme in Calisto’s flashback consists of hot pink and neon orange.

It’s a decent story up until the last couple of pages where we get some of the most boring banter between the gold team yet (Jean worries about the Professor some more, Colossus bores Warren with his theories on his brother’s powers), and then Storm freaks out and blasts a hole in the sewer. I don’t really understand why this is such big deal since the Morlocks could have easily just used the manholes to get to the surface and terrorize New York if Storm hadn’t freaked out.

Some interesting and memorable moments, but the parts with Mikhail and the end kind of ruin it.

B-

Uncanny X-Men #290

Uncanny X-Men #290
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Whilce Portacio

What Went Down: Storm’s on the cover standing in the rain; that means a happy ending for her subplot, right? At any rate, the book opens on Iceman’s girlfriend Opal and his parents hiding behind an ice wall. Iceman’s father, an incredible racist, hates Opal because she is Asian (although it’s the 90’s, so it’s still considered politically correct to say Oriental). He also blames her for the appearance of the Cyburai. In case you haven’t guessed it, the Cyburai are samurai warriors who have cybernetic enhancements to their bodies.

On the other side of the wall, Iceman is fighting the four Cyburai with the assistance of Hiro, Opal’s former boyfriend/cousin.

Back in Westchester, Colossus and his brother, Mikhail, are outside a travel agency. Peter is going to get tickets so that they can both go to Russia, and Mikhail can be reunited with their family. You might be asking why they don’t just take one of the X-Men’s jets. All I have to say is that is a very good question. After Peter goes inside, Mikhail has a flashback to when he killed all of the people in the void with his powers. As this is happening, a pizza boy bumps into him, and Mikhail turns him into a tree. Yes, he has very vague powers that seem to change to fit the occasion. Colossus doesn’t see what happens, and both men go home.

At the same time Storm is flying around and considering Forge’s proposal. At the mansion, Forge and Jean Grey are discussing the proposal. Forge is bitter that Storm had to think about the proposal when he loves her more than anything. He asks Jean if the stray thoughts she picks up off Storm indicate whether or not she reciprocates that love as much as he does. Strangely, Jean’s answer seems to indicate that Storm does not.

Back at the restaurant, the fight is still going on. When asked why they want to kill Bobby’s parents, the Cyburai just mutter a bunch of generic stuff about honor. During the fight, Hiro says some impressive things about Opal that impress her a lot. Hiro realizes that he and Iceman are outmatched, so he tells Iceman to get Opal to safety because he has a plan.

Outside the mansion, Bishop is meditating in the rain. Mystique comes out to taunt him by turning into Randall to make him feel guilty. Right as Bishop is about to shoot her, Forge comes out to stop him.

As Iceman and Opal make their getaway, Hiro blows himself up, taking out the Cyburai with him. Iceman thinks he teleported away, but Opal claims she can feel that he is still there. She is devastated and resents Bobby for this.

Finally, Storm returns to talk to Forge, but before she can say anything, Forge tells her he’s leaving with Mystique because she actually needs him. After he leaves, Storm reveals that she was going to say yes.

How It Was: Pretty much the same as what I said about the last issue. The stuff with Storm is great; the stuff with Iceman…not so much. The real problem is that the Cyburai are just really crappy villains. None of them have names or personalities, and they just come off as so generic. If you play any kung-fu fighting game, you’ll probably see the same designs for the Cyburai as you will for the game’s enemies: the fat, bald guy, the long haired guy with a goatee, the shorthaired, skinny guy. Hiro is no better, and all anybody can do is talk about honor or reiterate plot points from the X-Factor story where they first appeared. Absolutely horrible.

The plot with Storm is much, much better as it is not predictable, and it explores the complexities of their personalities. Forge comes to believe that Storm has developed a façade as a tough, emotionless leader and that she is afraid to allow herself to be viewed in any other light. That’s not a bad assessment, since while the character of Storm has always been established as the tough but wise leader who gets the job done, the stress of maintaining that presence would start to wear on a normal person. The dialogue here is subtle and very well done. As for the parts with Mystique, she jumps in and out of lucidity at pretty convenient times, although this might be intentional to show that she is faking it. Otherwise, it’s just annoying.

Quick note—what’s up with Mikhail’s powers? First he can control portals, and then he can turn people into trees. In the next arc he gains even more powers, and it’s a little frustrating.

This is Portacio’s last issue of Uncanny, and it’s a pretty good one to go out on as far as the work on Storm goes. And even though it’s a dreadful storyline, the Cyburai parts still look good.

This issue ends a quaint little story about why it sucks to date superheroes—whether they have issues of their own or they are always getting attacked by villains. I’d still recommend it, but only for the Storm/Forge material.

B

Uncanny X-Men #289

Uncanny X-Men #289
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Whilce Portacio

What Went Down: We begin with Storm and Bishop together in the mansion. They are looking at portraits of the X-Men over the years, and Storm is reiterating how the X-Men strive for peaceful coexistence between humans and mutants. Poor Bishop continues to insist that he understands, but he hasn’t had an opportunity to prove it yet.

Several floors below, Iceman is getting ready for a date with Opal Tanaka and needs help with his bow tie. He asks for help from Forge, who also has no idea. Bobby asks Forge if he wants to talk about his relationship with Storm, but he declines.

Outside Jean Grey and Professor X are having a tender father/daughter type moment where they discuss the reasons they do what they do and the sacrifices that they all have made. Jean Grey tries to bring up the Professor’s paralysis, but he also declines.

Over in Long Island the Drakes, Iceman’s parents, are getting ready to go to dinner and meet Bobby’s girlfriend Opal; Mr. Drake is an incredible racist, and it boggles the mind why Bobby or his mother would agree to this dinner. Hiro, Opal’s cousin/ex-boyfriend I think, is observing the Drakes when a police officer surprises him. The cop tries to arrest Hiro, but Hiro knocks him out instead.

Bobby finally gets help with his tie from Archangel, who is also depressed because he feels that he isn’t good enough to date anybody, what with having blue skin and all. After Bobby leaves, Archangel is surprised by a version of himself from before he was transformed by Apocalypse. After beating up the imposter, the false Angel turns out to be Mystique, who is staying with the X-Men since Wolverine #52. Mystique is suffering from some kind of dementia due to the death of her good friend Destiny and as a result from her constant shape changing.

Mystique claims she was only trying to help Warren by having him confront his depression; Warren flies away angry as Storm chews out Mystique for meddling. Forge comes to Mystique’s defense, although it is unclear whether he actually agrees with her or if he is just doing it because he is mad at Storm. Storm senses that Forge is projecting his emotions about their relationship, and he storms off.

Storm and Forge finally acknowledge their relationship for the first time since the relaunch. Forge accuses Storm of being too afraid to live any role other than that of X-Man, and that she refuses to have a life of her own. Then he asks her to marry him.

At the restaurant, Bobby introduces Opal to his folks; his mother is warm and friendly, while his father is a complete jerk. Right as Bobby is about to confront his father about his behavior, Hiro shows up in the restaurant saying that his family is about to die. Bobby mistakes this as a threat against his family, so Hiro informs him that he is not the one who wants them dead. Just then the Cyburai burst in, pronouncing that Robert Drake’s parents must die.

How It Was: This is somewhat of a landmark issue as far as the creative team goes. It marks the beginning of Whilce Portacio’s last story arc before abandoning Marvel to cofound Image Comics, and it marks the beginning of Scott Lobdell’s run on the book. While not quite as long as Claremont’s, Lobdell wrote Uncanny from this issue to issue #349, as well as X-Men on and off throughout that period. So get used to him because I’m going to be writing a lot about his work for the next couple of months.

As for the issue itself, it is a textbook example of your average Scott Lobdell work; the quiet character scenes at the mansion are very good, and the action scenes are kind of dull and boring. Lobdell does his best work when he’s having characters express feelings and emotion, but when they go to fight actual villains... well I think the use of the Cyburai says it all. More on them next post.

The highlight of the book is Storm and Forge’s relationship. At this point the two characters hadn’t had very many opportunities to interact in any of the books. Rather than just forgetting about the relationship, Lobdell capitalizes on the fact by having Forge question why Storm hasn’t made an attempt to make their relationship a priority. Some people might say that Forge goes a little overboard on her, but I think he’s perfectly in the right. When she answers her duties as an X-Man, it gives him all the justification to lay into her about how she views herself and others. It’s really nice to see a super hero relationship struggle for such a common, normal reason, as opposed to having ex-wives pop up or one of the characters die.

The stuff with Archangel struggling with his identity is also quite good, and Lobdell makes good use of having to be stuck with Mystique in the mansion. The scenes with Iceman and his parents are slightly harder to get through. His father is just so blatantly over the top, I just can’t believe any member of his family would think this was a good idea. I’m not saying it’s completely awful, since most prejudices are narrow-minded, unjustified, and illogical; it’s just that every reader knows that the only place for Bobby’s father to go as a character is to have him realize what a fool he’s been and become more enlightened. And he does…it just takes about six years until it happens.

The arts fine—Storm’s eyes are back to normal…thank goodness. You know the words, so sing along—Portacio draws some beautiful characters, but the majority of his backgrounds are just solid colors. Oh and somebody forgot to color in Storm’s face on a page. This issue’s not bad, just nothing special.

B

Uncanny X-Men #288

Uncanny X-Men #288
Writing: Jim Lee, Whilce Portacio, Scott Lobdell, John Byrne
Art: Andy Kubert, Bill Sienkiewicz

What Went Down: The issue opens with Colossus, Archangel, and Iceman of the Gold Team hiding in the shadows of a hall in the mansion. They’ve decided that the X-Men need more fun in their lives, and their best idea of fun for people who fight for their lives on a daily basis is to jump out of the shadows and tackle them. And that is exactly what they do to Cyclops and Beast. After Cyclops scolds everyone, and everyone tells Cyclops to lighten up, Cyclops and Beast go off to debrief the Professor on the Omega Red story (X-Men #4-7).

Meanwhile in the Danger Room, the Professor is testing Bishop with some kind of training sequence. I say some kind because we see Bishop firing his gun at something, but we never see what he is firing at. Cyclops and Beast walk in, and since they already seem to know Bishop then this issue must take place after X-Men #8-9. The Professor tells Bishop to learn as much as he can from Storm, so Bishop asks Storm to take him to New York to learn about the present.

Cut to New Jersey where Opal Tanaka is reading a letter in Japanese. For those of you saying “Who the #@$% is Opal Tanaka?” Opal is Iceman’s girlfriend who appeared as a supporting character in X-Factor. Anyway, Iceman surprises her with flowers, and they leave to go catch up. The letter turns out to be from her cousin, Hiro, and this leads to a plotline in the next issue.

Back at the mansion, Archangel is listening to a message from Charlotte Jones, another X-girlfriend/former X-Factor supporting member. She makes a reference about Warren being her archangel which makes him really angry, so he decides to go outside and fly around while naked.

Meanwhile… again (Hey, if this comic can use it as a transition, why can’t I?), most of the Gold Team, plus Jubilee, Opal, and Forge, are walking around downtown New York. They just happen to run into a mutant named Styglut, who just happens to be the very last of the fugitives from the future that Bishop hasn’t killed yet.

A very large fight ensues between the two, with lots of collateral damage along the way. Storm tries to get Bishop to stop, saying that killing is not the only way. Bishop disagrees, and kills Styglut.

As he’s being restrained by Colossus, Bishop sees the rest of the X-Men helping the bystanders caught in the wake of his battle. Storm drops a lot of guilt on him and tells him that all X-Men must put the lives of civilians before their own. He feels remorse, and swears that he will dedicate himself to the X-Men’s ideals from now on.

Later Bishop spends some more time in the Danger Room shooting at something we again don’t get to see. Then he goes to Storm’s room and gives her his command insignia as a symbol that he still has much to learn.

How It Was: Andy Kubert guest pencils, and he is pretty hit or miss; he later went on to be the regular penciler on X-Men, where his style improved greatly. The scenes with Bishop in the Danger Room are just perplexing since I can’t understand why the artist wouldn’t show us what the character is doing. Also, all the scenes where characters have shadows over them have the shadows depicted as criss-crossing lines, like a checker board, that look just awful. And Storm’s eyes are way too wide and narrow, as are her eye brows. She looks strange the entire issue.

The scene at the beginning with the two teams exists for no other reason except to fill space. I think it’s meant to be silly and heartwarming, but it definitely isn’t. There is an allusion to the Betsy seducing Scott plotline that Jean Grey picks up on, but other than that it’s just plain weird.

As for the good, well the fight between Styglut and Bishop is very entertaining, and has some good writing behind it. Although Storm is meant to be in the right by stressing that killing is wrong, Bishop makes a compelling argument that Styglut is from the future, and as the representative law enforcement from that time, it is his responsibility to hold the bad guy accountable to the rules of that period. It’s no different than a criminal getting extradited to his home country, except that option isn’t available here.

As for Styglut himself, he is totally one dimensional and doesn’t do much to define his personality outside of killing two women. And apparently all criminals in the future are stupid because once again we have an issue of Uncanny where the bad guy shoots Bishop with energy, even though he knows him and his powers. He claims to be trying to overload Bishop, but that seems like a pretty crappy plan.

Unfortunately, the issue ends on a pretty predictable note. Bishop figures out that “Gee, the present sure is different from the time I grew up in.” But I guess it is something that had to be addressed, and this is a convenient means to get it out of the way. A good issue for Bishop, though there is not much for anybody else.

B

Uncanny X-Men #287

Uncanny X-Men #287
Writing: Jim Lee and Scott Lobdell
Art: John Romita Jr.

What Went Down: Bishop, Malcolm, and Randall track down the last of the evil mutants that Fitzroy brought from the future in #282. They are in the middle of executing the bad guys at a seedy nightclub.

The Gold Team is on its way to stop the future cops. In case you’re curious, Iceman explains that Mikhail Rasputin is at home resting since last issue.

One of the thugs forgets Bishop’s power for a minute and shoots him with a laser, charging him back up. Once the bad guys collect themselves, they focus their gunfire and wind up killing Malcolm and Randall in an explosion. Ah, we hardly knew them.

Bishop swears vengeance when Colossus falls through the ceiling, and the rest of the X-Men show up. Bishop still doesn’t believe they are the real X-Men because they won’t condone violence; he appears to attack them. Then Colossus punches him really hard, and Bishop lands with a pipe sticking through his midsection. The Gold Team realizes that Bishop was really attacking an evil mutant who was targeting Storm. In the mean time, Bishop manages to disappear, despite having a hole through his body.

Bishop flashes back to the future, where Malcolm and Randall are still alive, and they are chasing Fitzroy through some abandoned tunnels. After catching Fitzroy with a neuro-collar, the three stumble upon the remains of the X-Men’s war room, where they watch a distress call from Jean Grey. In it, Jean warns of a betrayal before getting killed by someone off screen.

His curiosity aroused, Bishop goes to a prison called the Pool and meets with a criminal named Lebeau, who is assumed to be the future Gambit. He is also known as the Witness since he is the last person to see the X-Men alive. Bishop tries to get answers from him, but receives nothing except for some vague ramblings. The Witness also alludes to a prior relationship between Bishop and himself.

Fitzroy escapes his cell by absorbing the energy from a rat and lets the rest of the prisoners out. Bishop and his partners go to the basement only to find all of the escapees going into a portal. The three friends decide to follow, and this leads into Uncanny X-Men #282-283.

When Bishop wakes up from his flashback, he is in the X-Men’s medical facility, and he accepts that they really are the X-Men. Professor X asks to be left alone with Bishop, where he presumably learns everything about Bishop’s future. Out in the hall, the Gold Team questions whether or not they should trust Bishop. Professor X calls them all back in and announces that Bishop is the newest X-Man.

How It Was: Quite good, to put it succinctly. The flashback scenes for Bishop go a long way towards defining him as more than just the mutant Punisher, and the deaths of Malcolm and Randall, although completely expected, still lend Bishop a little pathos.

Of course, the best tidbit is the scene in the abandoned war room that starts off the X-traitor subplot. It’s a genuinely surprising and creepy scene with the stuttering video, and who could forget the gravity of the statement, “Professor Xavier was the first to die.” Of course, like most plots, the X-office stretched it out for too many years before resolving it in a completely unsatisfying way. But it was very cool at the time.

John Romita Jr. is up at pencils, and he draws a spectacularly energetic gun battle between all of the time travelers. Unfortunately, the scene does have one awkward hiccup when a bad guy forgets Bishop’s power because the writer needs to remind the reader what he does. Also, it’s a little unclear what causes the explosion that takes out Bishop’s partners, and some of the scenes in the future look more like they take place in space. But these are minor complaints for what is a really, really great issue.

A

Uncanny X-Men #286

Uncanny X-Men #286
Writing: Whilce Portacio, Jim Lee, and Scott Lobdell
Art: Whilce Portacio, Jim Lee, and Art Thibert

What Went Down: Colossus is reunited with his brother Mikhail, and it is revealed that Mikhail is the actual savior from the prophecy. All of the rebels decide that they now have two saviors on their side. Mikhail has the power to stop the portal from destroying both worlds, but he refuses to.

We learn the tragic origin of Mikhail. As a Russian cosmonaut, he was forced to fake his death when the government found out he was a mutant. Mikhail and a group of scientists were sent into the void and crashed. When he awoke, he found that he was recuperating in the palace with the former Avatar, or king, and his daughter Tra-Mai-A-Zath. Mikhail and the king’s daughter were married, but when he returned to the wreckage of his vehicle, Mikhail learned that the king had killed the rest of his crew.

Mikhail then joined the resistance, who are pro-democracy. It turns out that the portal was responsible for the Avatar’s powers, so Mikhail tried to close it with his own mutant abilities. The end result killed everyone on both sides and made him very sad.

Elsewhere, Iceman freezes a bunch of goons who were hassling the local women; he and Sunfire learn the location of the rebel base from one of the women.

On Earth, multiple portals are popping up, and everyone is powerless to stop them. Reed Richards, Hank Pym, and Nick Fury make cameos so that the reader knows this is quite serious.

Colossus and Mikhail argue over what should be done. Mikhail walks away rather than risk everybody’s lives.

Over at the Triumvirate, Archangel is training with some soldiers of the Posse Comitatus, when he accidentally kills them all. It is revealed that Sha-Har-A-Zath, the current avatar, has the ability to control his will through touch. She’s also very bitter that Mikhail killed her parents and sister.

The mind controlled Archangel leads the Posse Comitatus into battle against the rebels. A huge fight ensues with Storm, Jean, and Colossus coming to aid the rebels. Archangel attacks Jean, but is stopped by the arrival of Iceman and Sunfire. For some reason, being shot by Sunfire’s heat blasts also cures Warren of his mind control.

Colossus is injured blocking a laser blast for his friends, which causes Mikhail to pull out two swords and fight. Sha-Har-A-Zath reveals that she is also a mutant, attacks Rasputin with some kind of pink laser, and then gets sucked into the void. Mikhail decides to use his powers, but with the assistance of the other X-Men, he is able to prevent the body count of his first attempt.

The X-Men make it back to the other side, with Mikhail in tow. Colossus has to give his brother CPR, but he makes it and learns about their sister. Awww, a happy ending.

How It Was: This is the Whilce Portacio’s last issue on art; he would later go on to help co-found Image comics with Jim Lee, Todd McFarlene, and a number of other influential artists of the time, leaving the X-offices, and Marvel Comics in general, totally screwed.

This is slightly better than the past two issues, as it isn’t all just set up, and events actually occur. While Mikhail Rasputin’s reappearance isn’t a huge deal in the long run, it does make for some great scenes with his brother. The part where Colossus confronts Mikhail and accuses him of abandoning his duty is really well done; it gets the right mix of Peter’s feelings of betrayal and anger as he calls Mikhail a coward not just for refusing to help the alternate dimension people, but also for running away from his life on the farm to become an astronaut.

The fight at the end is also pretty good; however, the supposed main villain of the story Sha-Har-A-Zath gets dispatched in one panel by the void instead of an actual character (and may I never have to write that name again). The whole story ends rather abruptly, and the reader never gets to see the impact of the rebels’ battle other than Jean swearing that they didn’t die. The end also suffers from the X-Men having to use their powers in ways that blatantly defy science; how can Sunfire’s power open a window between dimensions?

While everything comes off as rushed, from the ending to Mikhail’s origin, I still think it was a good idea to end the story and get the X-Men out of that dimension. It just didn’t work; the other dimensional people weren’t very interesting because they weren’t all that different from normal, everyday people. Other than having purple hair and advanced weapons, nothing makes them stand out. The Primate character who keeps following our heroes is a wasted opportunity to introduce the ideas and behaviors that could have defined these people and made the reader care about their all too cliché battle. Also, their dimension needed a name like Polemachus or Asgard; no creator is ever going to write another story about the unnamed dimension of the purple-haired people.

C

Uncanny X-Men #284

Uncanny X-Men #284
Writing: Whilce Portacio and John Byrne
Art: Whilce Portacio

What Went Down: Sunfire, the Japanese fire wielder, receives a new costume. He’s out with a team of Japanese and Russian scientists exploring a mysterious portal on the Sakhalin Islands. The team tells Sunfire to use his powers on it, at which point something in the void attacks Sunfire.

As for the Gold Team, they are still on the Blackbird returning from the previous story arc. Colossus has broken his nose, and everyone wants to know how Jean stuck her mind in Emma Frost’s body. Jean has no idea. Jean and the Professor attempt to scan the White Queen’s mind when Forge interrupts them with an emergency alert from Sunfire’s science team.

Back on the island, Sunfire’s new armor isn’t doing much, as the attackers are immune to his powers. Just as they are about to finish him off, the X-Men appear to save the day. Jean notes that the attackers’ minds are very alien, even though they are all speaking perfect English.

During the fight, Forge launches some missiles from the Blackbird; he claims that they are only concussion missiles and will only give the attackers a bad headache. The invaders fire on the missiles, which explode and appear to do a lot more damage than just a headache. One of the soldier’s costumes is damaged and causes a huge explosion, revealing the leader of the group is a young woman in armor.

The girl, named Primate because it is some sort of military rank, says that they were actually trying to protect the Earth from the void, not invade it. The explosion opens the void and sucks all of the X-Men, Sunfire, and Primate into it. Xavier and Forge notice that the vortex continues to expand, even after the X-Men disappear.

Over in North America somewhere, Bishop and his assistants, Malcolm and Randall, are busy tracking escaped criminals from the future. They find three who have butchered some local women, and the XSE officers proceed to kill the bad guys. After finding the dead women, Bishop vows to save humanity from these villains.

How It Was: Well this is the beginning of a pretty inconsequential, and kind of boring, three issue arc. Basically the X-Men get sent to a fantasy world that they will never see again, and it’s not a very dynamic or original one at that. Still, that doesn’t happen until next issue, so I can’t really judge this issue on those merits.

It’s nice to see Sunfire again, although his new costume is really generic looking and he contributes absolutely nothing to the overall plot. This issue he gets completely beaten and then he acts like a jerk to Colossus, and in the next two issues he acts like a jerk to Iceman, and that is all he does for the whole story. Why is he here? I couldn’t tell you.

Also, the X-Men spend a lot of time going over what happened in the last story. This isn’t a bad idea in principle, since there are a lot of unanswered questions about Bishop, Fitzroy, and Jean’s powers that need to be explored, but nothing new is learned after three pages of discussion. The X-Men just get sidetracked and never bring up this quirk with Jean’s powers again.

As for the unnamed bad guys, they do have a very cool design and look awesome, but they aren’t really that interesting. One of them is called Primate for crying out loud. And the reveal that they were actually trying to protect the people of Earth doesn’t really work since the narration before made it pretty clear that the bad guys killed all of the innocent scientists. The Bishop subplot is okay; it’s nice to see he wasn’t forgotten.

The art is par for Portacio; some great characters and action scenes with most panels lacking any background art. For some reason the island Sunfire and his team are on has a blue ground with blue mountains and green water in the background; it is a very odd choice. Plus, some of Storm’s facial expressions during the issue can only be described as awkward—just check out the bottom of page 17.

D

Uncanny X-Men #283

Uncanny X-Men #283
Writing: Whilce Portacio and John Byrne
Art: Whilce Portacio

What Went Down: Bishop and his team show up with guns blazing. Initially they make the attempt to collar the enemy mutants to send them back to their home time. However, once Fitzroy demonstrates that none of them can go back to the future without dying, they decide that the only solution is for them to kill every criminal.

In an attempt to save their master, some of the criminals use holographic image inducers to mimic Fitzroy’s appearance in hopes of confusing Bishop and his XSE soldiers. One of the mutants mentions that they are from the future causing Storm to wonder if they are from the Days of the Future Past storyline, which they are not.

Bishop first demonstrates his power to absorb energy and redirect it by actually using the power in the same way as the mutant he absorbed it from, in this case through his eyes. Later issues have him just absorb the energy and shoot it from his hands.

Colossus moves in to stop Bishop and tells him that the X-Men do not stand by while people get killed. This inspires conflicting feelings in Bishop since in his time the X-Men are revered legends.

During the commotion, Shinobi Shaw’s guards capture Fitzroy and take him to see their leader.

Bishop decides that the X-Men are too pacifist to be the same ones that he grew up worshiping. Interestingly, he also claims that Archangel isn’t supposed to look blue with metal wings; you could say that this was foreshadowing for developments in the 2000s with X-titles, but I really, really doubt it.

Bishop uses a bracelet on Colossus to take his powers, and views it as further proof since the real Colossus couldn’t possibly be beaten so easily. A large fight ensues, but ends when Storm gets a hold of Bishop’s gun and points it at his chest point blank.

Overhead in the Blackbird, Professor X is trying to put Jean’s mind back in her body while Forge pilots. Xavier expresses how amazing it is that Jean was able to do this. During the process, Charles notes that another presence was observing them; this is the Gamemaster, the being in charge of the Upstart competition. Other than that the process works fine, and Jean is back in her body.

Cut to Shinobi Shaw’s jet, where Shinobi is informing Fitzroy that his Sentinels were able to reattach his finger. Fitzroy claims that he took the ring fairly, but a screen informs him that the Gamemaster is in favor of Shaw, since Fitzroy failed to kill Emma Frost and Jean Grey. Shinobi holds a toast with a group of other people who he claims are fellow Upstarts. Since the Upstarts team that is revealed later is completely different, you can pretty much ignore anyone you see here.

Shinobi’s soldiers also planted explosives on Fitzroy’s base. While Bishop and Storm argue, the explosives are triggered. Storm uses a…errr “pressure dome” to protect the Gold Team, while Bishop and his team just run away.

The team rejoins the Professor and Forge on the Blackbird. Colossus gets medical treatment while Storm wonders why Bishop’s uniform was so similar to the X-Men’s, and whether or not he is from the future.

The final scene is the Gamemaster, who looks like Lobot from Empire Strikes Back (look it up on Wikipedia) talking with Selene, the Black Queen, who is sitting on a throne. They discuss how nobody understands the true purpose of the Upstart competition.

How It Was: Wonderful issue. Bishop and his pragmatic XSE troops make an exciting debut, open up a number of potential questions to be solved later, and act as good foils for the X-Men. The fact that the X-Men can’t even prove their own identities to Bishop also makes for a great twist, as well as Storm’s confusion over how Xavier’s dream could possibly be turned into a group of paramilitary extremists. Fantastic.

Of less interest is everything involving the Upstarts. Not that it’s poorly done; it’s just that it really is a false start. Everything about the team up until this point gets ignored the next time we see the team in Uncanny, except for their goal of killing mutants. Also, for only having four members, the dialogue for Gold Squad is pretty weak. Colossus lectures the whole time on why killing is wrong, Iceman demonstrates backhanded resentment towards Storm’s leadership for some reason, and Archangel doesn’t really say anything worth noting. Things improve a little bit once Scott Lobdell takes over in a couple of months. Plus, nobody shows any emotion over the fact that the Hellions just died. Sure they were villains, but most of them were also teenagers; you’d think it might affect the X-Men a little.

As for art, it’s pretty much the same as last issue. The characters are wonderfully detailed, but there is almost no background art, just solid colors behind the characters. And oddly in some of the scenes with Xavier on the Blackbird, he is colored in lime green tints; the effect feels like it’s meant to evoke some kind of horror tone, but since it’s all but a given that Jean is going to be okay, it’s hard not to feel like the tension is wasted or completely inappropriate. Still, overall very, very good.

A

Uncanny X-Men #282

Uncanny X-Men #282
Writing: Whilce Portacio and John Byrne
Art: Whilce Portacio

What Went Down: Forge and Xavier are playing the chess match they started in X-Men #5—even though it hasn’t come out yet in real time, it still occurs first in Marvel time. Forge uses a device to block Professor X’s powers so Xavier can’t cheat, but he still loses anyways. As they discuss a rematch, the Gold Squad shows up with Jean Grey’s body and a Sentinel head that Storm is somehow levitating with her powers—maybe it’s supposed to be wind, but it just looks like blue energy.

Storm is forced to explain that Fitzroy and the Sentinels escaped with the White Queen and the rest of the Hellions, even though nothing like that happened last issue. Xavier uses his powers and discovers that Jean is not dead because her psyche has survived.

Fitzroy surprises Shinobi in his bedroom with Donald Pierce’s head, but don’t worry, Pierce will be back. Fitzroy also shows him the unconscious Emma Frost, who now has Jean Grey’s mind inside of her. The time traveler wants Shinobi’s ring, and ends up cutting off his finger to get it, which seems kind of uncalled for.

Back at the mansion, the X-Men use the Sentinel head to find Fitzroy’s arctic base. Forge and the Professor both decide to accompany the Gold Squad as they rescue Jean/Emma.

Fitzroy’s sidekick Bantam appears for the first time. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t appear again in any of the main X-Men titles, but he does show up in some of the Bishop origin Minis that come up later.

The Blackbird arrives and Xavier comments that it was odd that he didn’t sense Emma Frost’s death. Of course, that’s because she’s not dead.

Strangely, the base contains more Hellion prisoners than actually existing Hellions; I guess Emma had recently expanded her school. Also strange, one of the Sentinels tells Fitzroy that he has detected the X-Men’s plane, and the moron basically ignores it. Instead, he kills Tarot(poor girl died twice in one story) and uses her energy to summon more henchmen from his home time. One of them decides he doesn’t want to be a lackey, so Fitzroy uses him as an example to demonstrate that any portals back to his home time are fatal to the traveler.

Jean attacks Fitzroy using Emma’s body; surprisingly, she has access to her own powers despite being in a different person’s body. The X-Men burst in, and a cool fight ensues. As all of Fitzroy’s henchmen and Sentinels are defeated, he absorbs and kills all of the remaining Hellions and uses their energy to bring even more evil mutants from his time. The Gold Squad is in danger of being overwhelmed until the arrival of Bishop…and of course his teammates Malcolm and Randall.

How It Was: Not outstanding, but next issue gets a lot better. This issue doesn’t start out very strongly, with Storm having to explain what should have happened at the end of last issue, except didn’t. Also, Xavier figures out that Jean is in Emma’s body really quickly, especially considering that later he brings up the fact that nothing like this has ever happened before.

Fitzroy’s also a problem as he is not a very spectacular villain. Having handed two mutant teams their behinds in the previous issue, this issue has him acting like a complete idiot. Despite having an army of the most sophisticated, futuristic Sentinels ever and an unlimited supply of henchmen, he still manages to be beaten really quickly. Why doesn’t he use the unstoppable suit of armor from the previous issue? You can also tell the Upstart concept hasn’t been that thought out yet since Shinobi and Fitzroy’s early hostile relationship bears no resemblance to their cold, professional one in later issues. Also, the significance of the ring is initially made out as the prize of the contest, even though it’s not and gets forgotten about after this story.

The art is pretty nice, except that there is a distinct deficit of background art, so it is difficult to get a sense of space for any of the settings. But the character designs for Fitzroy’s various henchmen are all varied and distinct, so the fight doesn’t get too boring, and I’ve always loved the Sentinels as villains—robots make for great fight scenes because the heroes can go all out on them without the censors getting angry.

Of course the big deal about this issue is the appearance of Bishop, who almost single handedly saves this title from mediocrity. Bishop’s a wonderful character; his appearance opens up a couple of interesting subplots. Plus, one of my favorite conventions of the super hero genre is the apocalyptic future where the heroes have lost, etc. Easily the most successful new X-character of the 90s, later writers struggled with making him relevant after his purpose was resolved, and his timeline was almost definitely averted. Still, in these early issues, he is an exciting contrast to the pacifist X-Men and their hopes and optimism.

C

Uncanny X-Men #281

Uncanny X-Men #281
Writing: Jim Lee, Whilce Portacio, and John Byrne
Art: Whilce Portacio

What Went Down: Our story starts with the unsuspecting Reavers drinking and discussing how boring it is being cyborg villains located in the middle of the Australian Outback. Suddenly, a squad of Sentinels shows up to kill them all.

Over in New York, the White Queen, Emma Frost, has invited the Gold Squad to a party at the Hellfire Club. Traditionally, the Hellfire Club was a group of evil mutants who wanted to control the world, but after this story they go through several different concepts.

Jean Grey is uncomfortable since the last time she was at the HC, she was coerced into becoming the Dark Phoenix and almost destroyed the universe. Actually, these aren’t her memories; they are the Phoenix’s, but after the Inferno storyline Jean gained all of the memories that the Phoenix had when it was impersonating her.

Meanwhile the rest of the team is talking with members of the Hellions: a group of students taught by Emma Frost who used to fight the New Mutants a lot. Iceman is flirting with Hellion member Roulette, while Hellion member Beef gets in Colossus’s face. The Hellion Empath tells them to stop, but later stories decided he wasn’t there, even though he clearly is.

Emma Frost slams a female soldier through the door, claiming that the mystery soldier was trying to kill her. This is the reason why she asked the X-Men to come.

Next, the reader is introduced to Shinobi Shaw, son of former Hellfire leader Sebastian Shaw, and Trevor Fitzroy, a time traveler from the future. Shinobi is in a pool surrounded by beautiful men and women to demonstrate how spoiled he is. They are discussing the Upstarts: a team of people competing for a prize by killing mutants to score points. Fitzroy is trying to become a member of the Upstarts after killing the Reavers (even though they were cyborgs, not mutants); Shinobi is in the lead because he allegedly killed his father, although Sebastian gets better. Fitzroy threatens Shaw and then leaves to go to the Hellfire Club.

In the meantime, Emma is using her powers to torture the assassin when Storm demands that she stop. This starts a battle between the Gold Team and the Hellions. Jean gets angry and stops them all with her powers, insisting that they should be helping each other. Fitzroy appears and kills the Hellion Jetstream.

Back in Australia, Donald Pierce and Lady Deathstrike are still fighting Fitzroy’s Sentinels. These Sentinels demonstrate that they can repair themselves automatically. Deathstrike escapes when she realizes that they are only after Pierce.

Pierce goes to the mute teleporting mutant/plot device Gateway and asks to be teleported to whoever is responsible. Since Fitzroy is at the HC, that’s where he goes with Sentinels pursuing.

Back in New York, Fitzroy kills Beef, and the X-Men and Hellions attack him. Fitzroy’s armor protects him from telepathy and grants him super strength and invisibility. We learn later that his mutant power is to absorb people’s life force to power portals between time and space.

The X-Men have Fitzroy under control until Pierce and the Sentinels pop in. Pierce gets killed, but he also comes back later, and the White Queen apparently gets killed, although she is actually just in a coma. The Sentinels also apparently kill Tarot, but she shows up in the next issue to get killed again by Fitzroy. Finally Jean Grey also apparently gets killed, but we all know that isn’t going to stick.  Please note the emphasis on apparently in all of these cases.

The issue ends with Senator Kelly storming into the completely decimated club and demanding that the X-Men be held accountable for endangering people; they respond by showing Jean’s apparent corpse, but she isn’t really dead, I promise.

How It Was: Ah, finally an adventure starring the Gold Team. Although it features arguably the less interesting of the two squads, there are still a lot of major developments with this issue—namely the deaths of a whole lot of characters. Of course these are comic book deaths, so most of them are currently alive and kicking again, but at the time this felt pretty significant. Unfortunately, the concept of the Upstarts is pretty limited since their whole purpose is to kill mutants for points, and you can’t have major characters dying every other issue. It’s also difficult to get worked up about the Upstarts themselves, since the concept kind of fizzles after the introduction of the Legacy Virus, when creators just decided to end the concept over in X-Force and the New Warriors. So there is no closure to this storyline to be had in the pages of X-Men. Fitzroy might also be another question mark for present fans, but he was a major bad guy at the time and has a lot to do with Bishop’s origin.

The characterization is hit or miss. I really like Jean’s foreboding feelings about returning to the Hellfire Club since they act as a good connection to her history and also act as foreshadowing for her eventual “death” at the end of the issue. The rest of the team is kind of bland; the Gold Team never had the chemistry or humor that the Blue Squad did, although Iceman tries his darndest. Some of the dialogue is just out of place; why does Storm feel it is necessary to remark that Fitzroy’s powers are similar to the Super Skrull when there is absolutely no connection between the two characters? Plus once the Hellions start dropping, nobody acts concerned other than Emma; Iceman even cracks some inappropriate jokes which further deter the seriousness that should be present, but isn’t. These are characters that fans have known for a very long time, and one could argue that their deaths aren’t allowed enough impact. Also, the ending is horribly flubbed, but more on that next issue.

B-

The Dream Teams

Just so there is no confusion, I thought it would be helpful to list out the team rosters in 1991 so that I don’t have to take up the space in another post. Back in 1991, and the beginning of X-Men #1, we have:

The Blue Squad (appearing in X-Men): Cyclops, Wolverine, Rogue, Gambit, Psylocke, Beast, and later Jubilee.

The Gold Squad (appearing in Uncanny X-Men): Storm, Jean Grey, Colossus, Archangel, and Iceman.

Other support characters: Professor X, Banshee, Forge, and Dr. Moira MacTaggert.