Uncanny X-Men #312

Uncanny X-Men #312
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Storm and Yukio begin the issue by diving out of a window in an exciting fashion. They are being pursued by a member of the Phalanx—a techno-organic race of aliens that assimilate people and matter into their hive mind culture. To fill you in on Yukio, she is an ally of Wolverine’s who met Storm during one of the X-Men’s adventures. Storm was so taken by the woman’s devil may care-live for today attitude that she ended up shaving her hair into a mohawk and wearing a leather biker costume for a good portion of the late eighties. Anyways, while they are being shot at, Yukio reveals to Storm that she is a member of Professor X’s Mutant Underground, and also that the monster has been chasing her for weeks.

At the same time, Gambit is on his motorcycle en route to meet Storm and Yukio. He flirts with a female motorist at a red light, but notices a bolt of lightning in the distance. This is the same bolt that Storm has summoned to kill their pursuer. Yukio goes to pick up a Phalanx hand as a sample, but the hand reforms and shoots her with an energy blast.

Down the street, a human is beating the charred remains of the Phalanx with a bat, claiming that he was the one who saved the day. Storm tries to stop the man, but she is too late and he is absorbed by the Phalanx. A fight ensues, with Gambit showing up to save the day. Storm flies the group away, but crashes in front of the Sea, Air, and Space Museum. Yukio pulls a knife on Gambit, saying that she remembers him from a previous job and doesn’t trust him.

The group is then confronted by the attractive woman that Gambit was flirting with earlier. She turns out to be a Nation Security Council Agent, but when the other Phalanx monster tracks them down, she reveals that she is also a member of the Phalanx.

And finally, at the mansion Beast is trying to resuscitate Iceman, who was found unconscious in Emma Frost’s room after being blasted by energy last issue. After Bobby starts breathing again, you’ll note that he mumbles “Pierce, no,” which is foreshadowing that the White Queen is in his body, since the last thing she remembers is seeing Pierce lead Sentinels to the Hellfire Club from back in issue #281. Professor X gets caught up telepathically, via Jubilee, and Bishop has Sabretooth shackled to the wall. Creed taunts the X-Men, explaining how Iceman is a loser who has wasted his potential. While everyone’s attention is on Bobby, the White Queen appears to awaken.

How It Was: First things first, there is a new Uncanny regular artist in town. Joe Madureira (or Joe Mad for those who don’t want to be driven insane by constantly trying to spell his name) replaces John Romita Jr. with this issue. Whereas Romita’s work is a little more traditional, although still distinct, Joe Mad’s art definitely has a bit of the manga influence that is all the rage with the kids these days. Proportions are less realistic, eyes are wider, and explosions are brighter and much, much more prevalent. It takes some getting used to; he really is a good and dynamic action artist, although he was prone to deadline issues. Plus this issue, he really captures the Phalanx particularly well.

As for the story, the first question one probably has upon reading this issue is why Yukio? Basically the only reason I can think of is that the Phalanx were prone to attack X-Men supporting cast members, or at least that is how it was initially set up; Opal Tanaka and the deceased Candy Southern set the precedent. So Yukio is only really here because she is tangentially tied to the X-Men, and she disappears after this story. There’s also a back story with Gambit that is alluded to, but never addressed in the X-Men books, although it could have been told in Unlimited or one of the Gambit series.

As for the rest of the story, it’s pretty much non-stop action; Gambit gets a particularly good action sequence involving a motorcycle, and Storm also gets to do some impressive feats with her powers. The problem is that the Phalanx have now been reworked as one of those enemies that adapts with every attack, so they just keep coming until the writer can come up with some contrived way for them to finally stop or die. There’s also the double twist of the motorist turned government agent turned Phalanx that is completely unnecessary because nobody has built any kind of attachment to this background character for it to matter.

As for the scenes at the mansion, I think the last panel is supposed to be a mistake of some kind, since Emma isn’t supposed to wake up until well after Bobby does. Still, I promise this is building to something pretty good.

B

Uncanny X-Men #311

Uncanny X-Men #311
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: John Romita Jr.

What Went Down: The Beast is in the mansion’s power core, running a diagnostic to check for damage after Magneto’s EMP pulse from Fatal Attractions. Jubilee is yelling at him through his headset because he promised to take her to the Rocky Horror Picture Show (she can’t be that big of a fan since she didn’t bother to dress up). She tries to get Iceman to take her instead, but he is busy upgrading the security around the med-lab.

Outside Bishop is meditating/absorbing the energy from melting snowflakes (I feel like melting snow wouldn’t release energy, but what do I know?). Storm stops by to tell him that she is meeting Gambit and an old friend in town, and he tells her that he is done dwelling on the future. Bishop throws a snowball at her, which is answered by a giant pile of snow landing right on top of him. Meanwhile, Sabretooth is freaking out in his cell.

In the med-lab, Bobby reflects on Emma Frost’s career as a villain, and then the power goes out. Suddenly pink energy from the alien technology in the mansion shoots out and hits Bobby and Emma, knocking out the former. Bishop runs in the mansion, and Beast tells him to check on Sabretooth.

Sure enough, Sabretooth has escaped and is about to kill Jubilee. Bishop tears out the power lines in the walls to charge himself up, and blasts Creed. Jubilee is obviously traumatized by her experience and begs Bishop not to leave her alone. In the power core, Beast works to keep it from melting down.

Sabretooth escapes into the sewers, and Bishop follows. Bishop shoots him with the remaining energy he has stored. The two are at a standoff until Jubilee shoots Sabretooth with a taser from behind.

Storm meets up with her old friend Yukio in New York City. Yukio has asked for Storm’s help with an entity that has been chasing her. The three men that Yukio was just dancing with transform into members of the Phalanx, setting up the cliffhanger.

How It Was: With the wedding over, Uncanny can finally get back to some regular stories. This issue starts what will become a common trend for Sabretooth stories—he escapes and the X-Men have to hunt him down and stop him. To be fair, I think this issue does it best out of all of the future issues that deal with Sabretooth escaping. We have all of the common horror movie tropes here: power outage, teenage girl alone, homicidal maniac that only one man can stop. It’s also nice to see Bishop acting cool again after months of him doing nothing but annoying people by talking about the future.

The scenes with Beast are okay; they do give us some humorous dialogue, but they also fail to generate any tension over the unnecessary core meltdown sub plot. Jubilee also gets some nice scenes where she stands up to Sabretooth despite being absolutely terrified of him. Lobdell actually gets some mileage out of this since Jubilee’s default character is usually calm and sarcastic. The Iceman/Emma stuff doesn’t seem important now, but actually leads to a pretty good story later.

The art is looking really great this issue, with some great action scenes and very detailed backgrounds. The first three pages contain some of Romita’s nicest looking spreads of the Beast. All around, a pretty good issue.

B+

X-Men #30

X-Men #30
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: We open on a touching letter that Wolverine has sent Scott and Jean, telling them that he cannot attend their wedding. He wishes them the best, tells them they are meant for each other, and sends his “love” in some surprisingly nice handwriting. Jean is getting her dress fitted with Storm, her mother, and Rachel Summers; everybody expresses their love and excitement.

All of the original male X-Men are talking with Scott and trying to tie his bowtie. Luckily Professor X shows up to show them how to do it, and shares some touching sentiments. Then there’s a wedding…it’s actually quite uneventful.

During the wedding, the X-Men have apparently asked Sabretooth to sit on the lawn in the snow and hang out. He contemplates doing something mischievous until he discovers a message from Wolverine written in the snow.

In case you care, Rogue catches the bouquet, and Gambit catches the garter. Jean uses her telekinesis to let her dance with the Professor. After the wedding, Scott and Xavier share another tender moment where they say they love each other and are thankful to know each other. Later, going through his mail, Xavier finds a note from Moira that says Cable might hold the key to a Legacy vaccine; this doesn’t go anywhere. He then takes the time to open a letter to him from Wolverine that simply tells him to lighten up.

How It Was: This issue is meant to be really warm and heartfelt, but it always comes off to me as a little dull. I understand why it happened in X-Men, since it was the more popular title at the time, but I can’t help and think that this issue would have been a lot more successful in Scott Lobdell’s hands. Not that Nicieza does a godawful job; it’s just nothing spectacular for an event that was hyped to the extreme.

One real problem is the overabundance of narration from Professor X. Because not a lot is actually happening in this issue, it falls to Xavier’s narration boxes to try to frame the events as undeniably important and touching. Even the attempts at humor from Lila Cheney and the Beast fall a little flat. The only really interesting part is the letter from Wolverine, but it raises the question of how he found out, and why his handwriting is so pretty.

Perhaps the real problem is that this issue doesn’t mean much as far as the status quo for Scott and Jean is concerned. At this point, Cyclops and Jean Grey were pretty much inseparable, and nothing really ever changes within the dynamic of their relationship. They’re still the lovey dovey pair of X-Men, and that doesn’t really change until Grant Morrison’s run a little over a decade from this point.

While the story is fairly dull, the art looks very nice. Poor Andy Kubert has to draw all of the X-Men, plus a ton of supporting characters and guest stars, in formal wear and he does an admirable job of making sure everyone looks unique. Jean’s dress looks really nice and fancy, and everything is bright and cheery. Ideally, the wedding should have only been about half an issue, with the other half dedicated to things to come. I guess you could complement the creators on the fact that the issue actually feels like a wedding, but I don’t think that that’s the tone the X-Men should really be striving for. Important, but sappy and unexciting.

C-

Uncanny X-Men #310

Uncanny X-Men #310
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: John Romita Jr.

What Went Down: The opening splash involves Banshee and Cyclops responding to an intruder alert, which is postponing their journey to Cyclops’ bachelor party. They enter the Danger Room to discover a program replaying Cyclops’ past with X-Factor, specifically the scene when he had to give up his son Nathan to the Askani so he could be cured of a techno-organic virus in the future. Cyclops shuts down the Danger Room with an optic blast. It turns out that Cable is the one responsible for programming the scene to play; Cable is curious about an invitation to Cyclops’ wedding, so Cyclops asks Banshee to leave so he can have a long talk with his son.

At the party, all of the X-Men, plus Nightcrawler, are waiting for Cyclops’ arrival. Bishop doesn’t understand the purpose of marriage, leading to a lecture on relations in the future, leading to all of the heroes begging him to shut up.

Following Cable’s bodyslide signal, the X-Cutioner teleports into another part of the mansion. Meanwhile, Cable is convinced that Cyclops abandoned him. Cyclops is angered by these accusations, so he brings up another simulation that shows him breaking down and questioning his decision. Cyclops tells Cable how much he regrets not being able to raise him, and Cable tells him that it is okay because there were two people who helped bring him up. These two people turn out to be a time displaced Cyclops and Jean Grey, but this occurs after their wedding in their own mini-series. At the party, Gambit is attempting to stir up animosity against Sabretooth. Back at the mansion, Sabretooth smells an intruder from his cell, and he calls Cyclops and Cable to let them know.

It turns out that the X-Cutioner’s master plan is to kill Emma Frost because he thinks she is responsible for the deaths of the Hellions, and killing evil mutants is his gimmick. Cyclops and Cable defeat him pretty easily. Cable says he’ll attend the wedding and teleports Scott to his bachelor party.

How It Was: This month’s Uncanny dives headfirst into the quagmire that is X-continuity, and the results are pretty good. Up to this point Cable and Cyclops’ relationship hadn’t really been addressed, due to the fact that it is a weird mixture of time travel and soap opera. Lobdell finds a good balance by approaching Cable as an abandoned son and ignoring the absurd fact that Cable is now older than his father. By having Cyclops reconcile with his son, we also get some scenes that build on the original X-Factor stories that really underplayed Scott’s initial reactions.

The bachelor party scenes are okay, but really they’re just reiterating points that have already been addressed in other issues; Gambit doesn’t like Sabretooth, Archangel is somewhat jealous of Cyclops, Bishop talks too much about the future. The villain of the issue is also kind of underwhelming; X-Cutioner’s only real purpose is to remind us that Emma Frost is still around and establish that she’s been in the mansion for the past two years so Lobdell can dust her off and use her in the next couple of issues. Plus it feels like the villain could have found a stronger motivation to kill her since Emma used to be a pretty major villain in her day.

The art is not really representative of Romita’s best work. While the majority of it is good, there are some scratchy looking panels, especially the X-Factor flashback with baby Nate. His Cable sometimes has shoulders that are too wide (although he is definitely not the only artist to have this problem), and I’ve always felt that he draws Sabretooth too skinny. Consequently it’s not an amazing issue, but it does have some pretty good character moments for Cyke and Cable to recommend.

B

X-Men #29

X-Men #29
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Sabretooth and Psylocke are having a rematch in the Danger Room. Professor X and the Beast are hesitant about this, but feel it is necessary to allow Creed to get some exercise and test his new manacles. Betsy gets Creed at swordpoint, vindicating herself after her embarrassment last issue. Psylocke’s behavior borders on flirting with Sabretooth, causing Archangel, Beast, and the Professor to wonder about her. Beast asks Warren about his on again/off again relationship with Charlotte Jones…apparently it is off again. Warren spends a couple of pages brooding about how alone he is, until Jubilee brings by the mail and gives Warren an invitation to the Hellfire Club.

Psylocke walks in, and the two discuss their families’ histories with the Hellfire Club, as well as the Inner Circle’s battles with the X-Men. Warren and Betsy decide that they should go to the party to see what the Circle is up to.

At the Hellfire Club, Betsy and Warren mingle with all of the rich people, and the couple bumps into Dwayne Taylor—Night Thrasher of the New Warriors. He’s hanging out at the Club because he’s about to take part in the Child’s Play crossover that ends the Upstarts storyline. They also run into Ronald Parvenue, a character who claims to be a friend of Warren’s father who then disappears. The two X-Men are next approached by Tessa—Shinobi Shaw’s assistant who later turns out to be a spy working for Professor Xavier. She leads them to a hall away from the party, and then she knocks them both unconscious.

Both characters wake up in a basement room wearing even fancier clothes. Shinobi Shaw is sitting on a chair near them; surprise, he wants them to join the new Inner Circle. After Shaw attacks Psylocke, Archangel flips out and a big fight ensues. Both characters get in a stalemate where if Shaw solidifies his body, both characters will die. While they’re fighting, Psylocke wakes up, sneaks up on the villain, and uses her psyblade on him, causing him to have multiple flashbacks about being abused by his father Sebastian, but loved and comforted by his warm mother. Archangel tells him that he’s empty inside, and the issue closes on Shinobi Shaw sitting alone looking sad.

How It Was: This issue is an experiment in trying to shine the spotlight on two of the less popular X-Men, and unfortunately it fails for the most part. At this point the X-offices have realized that the Psylocke/Revanche stuff isn’t working too well, so the idea here is to shift the focus to another aspect of Betsy’s character, namely her wealth and affluence. And who has that in common with her? And thus begins the infamous Archangel/Psylocke relationship. A relationship that no one would question in real life (two pretty, rich people getting together seems common sense), but within the context of a monthly narrative, there wasn’t really anywhere for the relationship to go. It doesn’t have the conflict of the Gambit/Rogue relationship or the familiarity of the Scott/Jean relationship; there just isn’t a lot here for the writers’ to explore and this starts to show in future issues.

But enough with that tangent, the actual issue is what I’m here to talk about. The first half is standard, by-the-book continuance of already established plot lines. Both Sabretooth living at the mansion and the Cyclops/Jean Grey wedding get mentioned so readers don’t forget about them. There is some gratuitous brooding by Warren over his appearance and his inability to stay in a relationship. Then the issue takes a weird turn with Shinobi Shaw’s big plan of the day—asking Psylocke and Warren to join him. It just feels like Nicieza was struggling to create a conflict for this issue, and Shinobi’s actions don’t even make sense. If he wants the X-Men to join him, why attack them and then ask them? Having the resolution involve the revelation of Shinobi as a spoiled brat with daddy issues is pretty anti-climactic and reveals what a boring character he is. Sebastian Shaw was a master manipulator who carried a level of stoicism and sophistication, and it is obvious that his whiney son can’t hold a candle to him.

The art is very good, but I will mention that in an issue that is trying to build up Psylocke as a character, it is hard to take her seriously when her boobs are always gratuitously on display. One scene in particular where she and Warren are reading mail in the living room, and both her shirt and the tiny jacket she is wearing are wide open at the top, feels particularly uncalled for. This issue does tie in to an annual coming up where Shaw asks Storm to join the Inner Circle, but after that Shinobi will thankfully disappear from the pages of X-Men. This issue is just another false start for a story that never happens. Between the lame villain and the lack of any real developments, this issue is definitely for hardcore fans only. At the very least I respect it for trying to develop two characters who had been out of the spotlight for a long time, but I can’t say that it succeeded in inspiring any interest in them.

C-

X-Men #28

X-Men #28
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down:  Jubilee has a dream where she is in some dark scary woods running for her life. She finds the lifeless body of Wolverine only to be attacked by Sabretooth. Jean Grey is alerted by the girl’s screams and comforts her as she wakes up. The reason Jubilee is having nightmares is that Sabertooth has moved into the mansion as of X-Men Unlimited #3.

Jean contacts Cyclops, Beast, and Storm, and the group meets at Harry’s Hideaway to debate the matter. Some argue that the X-Men have taken in dangerous characters before while others point out that Xavier’s recent decisions have been questionable at best. Jean is the most upset by Sabretooth living in the mansion.

In the medlab, Xavier is analyzing Revanche to track the progress of the Legacy Virus in her. He asks her if she will stay with the X-Men, but she wishes to die free. Moira calls and asks Charles for some assistance.

To catch up readers, Creed was dependent on his assistant Birdy, who would give him a telepathic stimulant known as “the glow.” When she died, Creed’s need for the psychic drug overcame him, driving him even crazier. So voluntarily, he requested help from Xavier. This is necessary to know because when Psylocke attempts to recreate the glow, Sabretooth humiliates her and says that her mind is so fractured that only Jean Grey can give it to him.

Next we have a scene where Rogue has volunteered to deliver food to Creed, and Gambit is quite hesitant to allow her. Sabretooth teases the couple, revealing that he knows Gambit from his past as well as the existence of Rogue’s half brother, who later turns out to be Nightcrawler; he also hints that Rouge would be unhappy if she ever heard his stories about Gambit.

Cyclops and Jean Grey confront the professor about Sabretooth living in the mansion. Like most couples, Jean does most of the talking. Xavier understands the arguments, but feels that it is against his personal philosophies to push Creed away. Afterwards, Cyclops tells Jean that he knows that her frustration has to do with Wolverine’s absence. Moira calls, and Jean says that she needs to be the one to confront Sabretooth.

Jean enters the cell, and Sabretooth expects her to give him the glow. He attacks her, trying to intimidate her, but Jean uses her powers to knock the villain around. Jean refuses to give him the glow and proves to him that she has nothing to fear because of how much more powerful she is. Later, Jubilee volunteers to bring up Creed’s meal to confront her own fears. She finds Creed meditating, and finds it just as disturbing.

How It Was: Sabretooth joins the X-Men, and wackiness ensues. Well, “joins” is a little hasty, and that’s pretty much why this story line works, even though it eventually goes nowhere. Because Wolverine is off in his solo book feeling sorry for himself, bringing in Sabretooth does succeed in adding something interesting to the cast. This issue especially works really well as it gives all of the characters an opportunity to react to Creed in a variety of negative ways. The depiction of Sabretooth is fantastic as he is presented as a Hannibal Lechter type who all of the characters fear and respect for his savagery and potential danger.

What’s great is that Nicieza uses Creed’s living at the mansion to explore some different aspects of the characters as well as introduce some new potential stories. Jean is forced to confront her feelings about Logan, Gambit and Rogue are confronted with some potentially unsettling events from Gambit’s past, and Jubilee is forced to reevaluate her position of weakness as a novice on the team. It’s also nice to see the X-Men scrutinizing Xavier’s decisions after recent events, and it’s great to see that the X-crew being overwhelmed by this new responsibility. Plus, the climactic confrontation with Jean and Creed is some of the best material that Jean has been given in a while.

Once again Psylocke and Revanche bring down the rest of the issue. Revanche’s lone scene isn’t too bad as it’s mostly just reiterating the fact that she has contracted the Legacy Virus…again. So it’s inoffensive, yet unnecessary if you read the annual. On the other hand, Psylocke’s scene shows her needlessly confronting Sabretooth, and getting humiliated after some vague comments from him about being internally scattered. Other than that, this is a really great issue with a lot of tension and compelling emotional responses.

B+

Uncanny X-Men #309

Uncanny X-Men #309
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: John Romita Jr.

What Went Down: We start out with Xavier flashing back to the blizzard back in X-Men Unlimited #1. It is finally revealed that Magneto was in fact the one who rescued him from dying in Antarctica. The majority of this issue takes the form of a dream where Xavier is having a conversation with Magneto; one could argue that this is simply an aftereffect of having destroyed Magneto’s mind, or even the beginnings of the formation of Onslaught.

Magneto and Xavier discuss the professor’s guilt. In a really great scene, Xavier chastises dream versions of Cyclops and Jean for abandoning the team and taking up the best of Xavier’s years. Xavier also remembers his mother, who was abused by Kurt Marko—his stepfather and the father of the Juggernaut. Magneto continues to probe the cause of Xavier’s resentment of Cyclops and Jean. He brings up Charles’ relationships with Gabrielle Haller, Lilandra, and Moira MacTaggert, but those don’t seem to be the source either.

We then get to learn about Xavier’s past relationship with current Acolyte Amelia Voght. Voght was a nurse assigned to take care of Xavier after he lost the use of his legs in battle with the alien Lucifer. During his recovery, the two fell in love. By coincidence, Amelia also turned out to be a mutant. Later, Voght became frustrated with Charles’ obsession with his dream and his school. As she was leaving, in a weak moment, Xavier reached out and used his powers to change her mind, just for an instant. He realizes that this is the true source of his guilt and regret.

Professor X wakes up to Jean putting a blanket over him. The two X-Men share a tender father/daughter moment where they say they love each other.

How It Was: One of my favorite single-issue stories, this one has such a wonderful surreal quality to it. It’s really just an excellent character study that offers an opportunity to show Professor X in a different light. While the revelation of Magneto saving Xavier from X-Men Unlimited #1 comes off as a forgotten detail, the internal conversation between Magneto and Xavier makes for a nice epilogue to the Fatal Attractions story. I like that this internal reflection is brought about by something as innocuous as Xavier’s reaction to Scott and Jean’s engagement, and the way this is explored through conversation, hallucination, and flashbacks is really engaging.

Once again Lodell demonstrates what he does best, humanizing the X-Men. Seeing Xavier give in to his own selfish desires, even for a brief moment, is just fascinating to read. His relationship with Amelia Voght, while not particularly deep, offers an interesting glimpse into the formative years of Professor X and paints him in a more tragic and human light. Romita’s art isn’t quite at its best here; some of the faces are a little flat and the bodies can be a little blocky. Still, this is a really great issue for the Professor; it does something new with his character, but still feels like it fits with everything that has come before.

A