Uncanny X-Men #330

Uncanny X-Men #330
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Jeph Loeb
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Archangel (now dressed in a kimono) and Wolverine (now dressed in a see-through mesh shirt!?) are being led to a secret, sacred area by Gomurr. The costumes are necessary because of tradition for something. Inside the building there are lots of dragon decorations and shadow ninja demons. Dr. Strange teleports in and Wolverine appears to stab him, but really he is attacking a ninja demon behind him. The demons are called undercloaks, and a big fight ensues with them.

At the Xavier Estate, Gambit is watching over the unconscious Psylocke, thinking about how she might know his secret. When Psylocke starts seizing, Gambit briefly considers letting her die to ensure his secret, but ultimately ends up calling Beast to help her because he is a hero.

Meanwhile, our heroes appear to be descending into what looks to be hell. Archangel is struggling because of his injury, and Dr. Strange suggests that he should go back. Warren refuses. The heroes come upon Tar, the Proctor of the Crimson Dawn. Tar already knows what they want, and Wolverine is ready to start a fight, but Gomurr stops him and instead tries asking for it. Tar appears to kill Gomurr, and another fight ensues.

Back at the mansion, Beast and Xavier are doing their best to save Betsy. While Wolverine attacks Tar, Dr. Strange shows Archangel a big glowing ball; the ball shows them that Betsy is about to die. Dr. Strange reaches into Archangel and pulls out a statue of Psylocke that is supposed to be, I kid you not, “the part of her soul that she has trusted to Warren.” Strange puts the statue in the glowing ball, and at the mansion Psylocke is bombarded by a red light that brings her back to life. Wolverine, Strange, and Warren are kicked out of the dimension, and Gomurr materializes to show that he is not dead. Strange remarks in his head that even though they won, the battle for Psylocke’s soul has only just begun.

How It Was: The first half of this issue is a very slight improvement over last issue. While most of the dialogue is still exposition, the mystical characters are given some humorous lines, like Gomurr’s explanation of how one becomes ‘Gomurr the Ancient’ or Tar’s exclamation “and people call me unstable” when he sees Wolverine fighting. And Gambit gets some nice moments where he is conflicted about Psylocke’s death because he doesn’t want the other X-Men to discover his secret.

Still the rest of the story is pretty weak, as is some of the dialogue; Beast tells Gambit that he is going to try his “gosh darndest” to save Betsy. Who would say that? Xavier’s dialogue is no better as he proceeds to dump a bunch of unnecessary exposition about Psylocke’s past injuries while he is trying to save her. Plus the sequence where Dr. Strange talks about the part of Betsy’s soul that she gave to Warren is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read in a comic book. Although both Loeb and Lobdell are credited as writers, I feel like it is safe to say that the dialogue was probably mostly Loeb’s responsibility, for better or worse.

Also, there’s still the problem that this still feels like a stock plot that you could plug any Marvel characters into. I can’t say that I really care about any of the new characters introduced in the story, and the story itself doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Why is the doorway to hell in a Chinese New Year decoration warehouse? Why is Wolverine wearing a see-through mesh shirt? Why is Dr. Strange here when Gomurr is perfectly capable of supplying all of the exposition? And don’t get me started on the weak attempt at conflict in the middle of the issue when Dr. Strange starts an argument over Archangel’s health.

So there’s not a lot to recommend in this issue, unless you’re a fan of super heroes in stories about magical macguffins that don’t fit the tone of the series.

D-

Uncanny X-Men #329

Uncanny X-Men #329
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Jeph Loeb
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: The Sorcerer Supreme Dr. Strange is observing Wolverine and Archangel with a cauldron. He announces that the X-Men will need his help whether they realize it or not. So right away we know we’re dealing with a story about magic.

In “Little Asia” Wolverine is leading Warren to a teahouse in search of a mystical maguffin to save Psylocke. Wolverine explains that there are aspects of this world that are unexplained but still exist. Warren complains the whole time that he should be by Betsy’s side and that Wolverine is probably losing it. Logan convinces him to stay, and right as Warren is about to drink his tea, Logan hits it away. The cup smashes on the ground and turns into a magic ninja shadow warrior thing.

The shadow warrior attacks, and Warren struggles to fight it due to his injured wing from the Sabretooth Special. Wolverine tells him that the creature is metal sensitive, but Archangel can’t seem to hurt it because all the parts he cuts off turn into separate demons. Wolverine stabs an old lady and the demon disappears. Archangel is convinced Wolverine just murdered an elderly woman, but Logan reaches inside the body and pulls out an ancient sensei-type named Gomurr the Ancient.

Gomurr and Wolverine seem to know each other, and we learn that the ghosts were a test. Wolverine tells Gomurr that they are after a pint of the Crimson Dawn from the Ebon Vein, but Gomurr refuses to help until Wolverine threatens him. Dr. Strange shows up at the end and tells them that he will be joining them on their journey.

How It Was: This is an odd turn of events. Instead of seeking out some kind of scientific medical treatment, Wolverine and Archangel go off on a mystical samurai buddy adventure. I have to say that the premise alone completely turns me off as I feel like it sets a bad precedent to save characters’ lives through magic. After all, it brings up the question of why they don’t do the same thing every time somebody is severely injured. Plus magic has never really been very central to the X-Men mythos, other than the more recent Decimation. It leads to a generic story that you could plug any two random Marvel heroes into and it would still feel the same.

Now Archangel and Wolverine aren’t bad choices since they’ve never gotten along, and they both care about Psylocke. Unfortunately their relationship doesn’t really grow in any meaningful way; Warren complains a lot until Wolverine is proved right, and then Warren apologizes. That’s it as far as fleshing out the relationship goes. Dr. Strange doesn’t feel necessary to this story other than to assist with the readers' acceptance of a story about magic.

And while the ghost ninja things look pretty cool, the story devolves into silliness when the driving force behind the story is revealed to be an elderly, ever-smiling little person. It’s ridiculous to look at, and completely erodes any drama set up by the potential death of Psylocke. Worse yet, we’re dealing with the Crimson Dawn, which is reminiscent of the Siege Perilous—a plot device dimension that alters characters in random ways (memory loss, new powers, teleportation, etc.) This is really weird, and really bad.

D-

X-Men #49

X-Men #49
Writing: Scott Lobdell and Mark Waid
Art: Jeff Matsuda

What Went Down: The issue begins with Pamela Greenwood, the waitress from last issue, under fire behind the counter at Harry’s Hideaway. Bishop has apparently lost it and attacked her, convinced that she has been spying on him. Beast happens to be in the neighborhood and shows up to try to stop him. After knocking Beast unconscious, Bishop calms down and questions his own actions. Pamela seems rather calm and offers to talk with him, but a police officer interrupts them. Bishop uses the last of his stored energy to knock out the cop, and Pamela takes him to her apartment to protect him.

At the Massachusetts Academy, home of Generation X, Gateway has appeared, and Banshee is looking to investigate. Gateway sucks Chamber into a portal and disappears. Banshee asks M if she picked up anything telepathically, and of course she picked up only one word—Onslaught.

Beast wakes up with a cop pointing a rifle in his face. He decides that the best move is to deactivate his image inducer to reveal his true form. At Pamela’s apartment, her kitten is resting on the sleeping Bishop. Pamela picks it up, and when she turns around, Bishop is pointing a gun at her. Pamela starts crying and Bishop relents. The next page reveals that Dark Beast is coaching her on what to do while observing Bishop. Pamela is a result of scanning Bishop’s brain to find qualities that he might find appealing in a woman. We also see a captive Havok in the background. Dark Beast decides that the best course of action is to have Pamela kill Bishop.

Regular Beast has escaped the pursuing cops and is looking for Bishop. He sees Bishop fly through a window and realizes that he was right about Pamela, who turns out to be a mutant assassin called Fatale. Fatale alerts Dark Beast to the standard Beast, who the evil McCoy has never seen before. Dark Beast orders her to abort the mission, so Fatale tries to escape. She accidentally ruptures a gas line, which appears to blow her up, but really only covers her escape. Bishop feels vindicated that he was right about the waitress, while the Dark Beast begins work on assimilating the real Henry McCoy.

How It Was: Because you forgot about it, Scott Lobdell reveals the identity of the waitress at Harry’s Hideaway. Since she turns out to be an assassin working for Dark Beast it’s probably safe to say that this wasn’t the original intention for her character. Then again, since Dark Beast has been retroactively retconned into past Marvel continuity, this works as kind of a cute way to demonstrate the AoA McCoy’s influence and reach. But for someone who has been in the regular Marvel Universe for twenty odd years, the fact that he doesn’t know who the regular Beast is is really baffling. After all, the standard Beast has been a member of the Avengers as well as a respected doctor who does a lot of public work. It sort of makes Dark Beast come off like an idiot if he didn’t think to check for himself in this universe.

For the most part this is a Bishop centric issue, and his personality is all over the place. Lobdell and Waid seem to be going for a fracturing of Bishop’s mental state. The fact that he doesn’t know if he can trust his own carefully honed instincts is pretty interesting. But I dislike that he keeps reverting between normal Bishop and his old shoot first/ask questions later personality whenever the plot necessitates. Waid does an admirable job of trying to make Pamela sympathetic, but it’s kind of obvious that she is either playing him or she has the worst judgment ever when she brings a lunatic back to her apartment. Beast’s judgment is also a little iffy, as I would think that changing your appearance to a blue-haired beast would be the fastest way to get shot by the cops.

Ultimately, it’s still hard to get over the fact that we’re dealing with a plot point from so far back in X-continuity. It’s an okay issue, but other than Dark Beast learning about himself, it doesn’t feel very significant. I will say that Jeff Matsuda does a pretty great job; I can’t help but smile at panels of Bishop holding a kitten. There’s nothing really substantial going on.

C-

X-Men #48

X-Men #48
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Luke Ross

What Went Down: The X-Men are taking part in a friendly game of poker at Warren Worthington’s private loft, including a guest appearance from Ben Grimm of the Fantastic Four. Beast is frustrated that Cannonball keeps revealing his cards. The Thing takes off to go save the universe, so Sam takes his spot in the game. Gambit and Storm have a conversation to recap the recent injury to Psylocke in Uncanny #328 and the fate of Sabretooth.

Meanwhile Bishop is describing a flashback/nightmare from the Age of Apocalypse to Cyclops and Jean Grey; in it a shadowy person that appears to be Havok is chasing him. Cyclops tells him that he and Jean have had similar experiences after raising his son Nathan in the future, but Bishop is frustrated by his disorientation. The waitress, Pam, comes to take their order—this is the woman Bishop thought was familiar from way back in Uncanny #299, an issue from almost two and a half years before this one.

It turns out that Bishop is being monitored by the Dark Beast, although the X-office doesn’t want to use that name. After the Age of Apocalypse, Dark Beast was transported twenty years into the X-Men’s past, where he has been experimenting on the Morlocks. In this issue he is meeting with his fellow AoA refugee, the Sugar Man. Both villains have a deal where they share intel, and Sugar Man feels out of the loop. After a standoff at gunpoint from both parties, they agree to calm down.

At the Xavier Institute, Xavier is watching over the mortally injured Psylocke. She wakes up and notes how tired Xavier looks. She assures him that she knew the risks involved and that it is not his fault. Back at the card game, it turns out that Cannonball is a bit of a ringer as he’s won a vast amount of chips. It’s down to Sam and Gambit, so Storm excuses herself to go to the kitchen. Bobby follows to ask Storm to tutor him in his powers since both of their powers involve harnessing the elements. She agrees, but to my knowledge nothing ever comes of this.

In Dark Beast’s lair, McCoy discusses how Bishop is a time anomaly that shouldn’t exist, and that he was the same person as his counterpart in AoA. Dark Beast also mentions that this information might be valuable to Sinister, which scares them both.

During the last hand, Gambit taunts Cannonball with some sleight of hand tricks; this triggers some great realization about the Legacy Virus for Beast, but nothing ever comes of this either. Inside the lair, Dark Beast shows off a creepy brain matter being that filters thought into data. He and Sugar Man decide that they need to kill Bishop so Sinister cannot use him to find out about the Age of Apocalypse. In the card game, Cannonball lays down a full house. Gambit has a royal flush, but he blows up the fifth card, along with the table, even though he has the winning hand. The message seems to be that Gambit doesn’t like to be predictable or wants people to underestimate him or something.

How It Was: This is another story that comes straight out of left field. It feels like Lobdell is treading water until a replacement writer can be found for X-Men, so instead of starting any new threads, he’s sticking to character moments and resolving old plot threads that never went anywhere. And when I say old, I mean practically ancient, totally forgotten threads. We’re reintroduced to Pam, the mysteriously familiar waitress from Uncanny #299. It’s nice that Lobdell is finally resolving this point, but I can’t help but feel that everyone has forgotten about the one panel where Bishop recognizes her from almost three years before.

As for the X-Men, a lot of their arcs are going around in circles. After asking Jean for help with his powers last issue, now Bobby is coming to Storm, which is fine except that once again nothing ever comes of this. Bishop is still haunted by the AoA, and Scott and Jean are still trying to empathize with him, but this doesn’t really work since the couple was never seen going through any of this. At least Lobdell seems to be going someplace with this by setting up Bishop as a potential obstacle for the machinations of the Dark Beast, although once again it is never quite revealed why he is so afraid of Mr. Sinister.

The poker game is an entertaining aside, and it’s a surprise to see Cannonball purposely mess with Beast, but mostly it’s an excuse for exposition about Sabretooth’s escape and the Legacy Virus. Plus, I don’t really understand what the point is of bringing in The Thing for a whopping three pages. The end is kind of perplexing, as I can’t really tell what exactly Lobdell is trying to say about Gambit, other than maybe he likes to be seen as volatile.

This is yet another lukewarm issue of X-Men. I don’t hate it; I’m kind of ambivalent to it all. Sure it’s refreshing to see Cannonball written as confident, but there are so many false starts in this issue that never come to anything that it is hard to care.

C