Uncanny X-Men #331

Uncanny X-Men #331
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Bryan Hitch

What Went Down: We open on the members of X-Force (they’re still living at the mansion?) searching through debris in the middle of a laboratory fire. They are looking for the Beast, but unbeknownst to them, the X-Men’s Beast has been replaced by the Dark Beast from the Age of the Apocalypse, and the fire is being used to cover any differences in his personality. Shatterstar does note that he sounds different, and he is vehement about not going down to the medical station, but nobody questions him.

In her New York apartment, Emma Frost discovers that Iceman has filled her private office with ice. He demands that she sit down to talk. In Colorado, Gambit and Bishop are standing outside, and Bishop tells the story of the first time he saw trees. Inside Xavier wonders about these two X-Men, and why there are so many mysteries about them. Archangel tells the Professor that he’s not returning to Westchester so he and Betsy can recover from their injuries.

Iceman demands that Emma help him master his powers so he can heal the chunk missing from his chest. When she refuses, he starts by freezing the blood flow to her brain. Elsewhere, Scott and Jean have managed to locate the place where the X-Men were brought in X-Men #50. Unfortunately there is a huge crater where the forest should be, and there is absolutely no evidence of Onslaught whatsoever.

Outside Emma’s office, Jubilee and Banshee notice all of the ice forming. Jubilee asks if they should get involved, but Banshee thinks it best for them to resolve it themselves. Bobby shackles Emma with ice, but she continues to taunt him. Using her telepathy, Emma makes Bobby’s father, his ex-girlfriend Opal, and the Beast appear to distract and frustrate him. Iceman explains these illusions can’t work because he is confident in who he is, so Emma tells him to just change back to human form.

Iceman changes back to human form without dying, and Emma apologizes for messing with Bobby. She explains that she felt guilty about the Hellions’ deaths, and it angered her to see him squander his powers when her students weren’t alive to enjoy theirs.

How It Was: This finally resolves the multi-years long arc of Iceman’s frustration with his powers. After this issue, we no longer see him asking people if they consider him a loser or whining about how much he’s wasted his potential. And that in it of itself is very nice. It’s a very roundabout way of doing it, by having Lobdell rehash every Bobby character and relationship beat for the last three years, but the important thing is that it is finally done, and Bobby can move on. I do like how Iceman just gets fed up after receiving his potentially life altering wound, and it’s been a while since we’ve seen Bobby stand up for himself. I don’t quite buy Emma’s excuse for messing with Bobby tying into the deaths of the Hellions; this seems to be Lobdell’s way of writing it off while making her look sympathetic, instead of looking like the manipulative ball buster she should be.

The sequence with Archangel telling Xavier that he’s taking a break is far too drawn out and melodramatic for its own good. It seems unnecessary for Xavier to question Gambit and Bishop’s loyalty, and Warren comes out of left field by accusing Xavier of being manipulative. Although this turns out to be retroactively accurate due to Xavier being Onslaught, without that context it feels forced. Gambit and Bishop yet again pay lipservice to the traitor storyline because that’s being resolved soon. And the “clues” about Onslaught’s power that Scott and Jean discover are completely inconsequential, so you can forget them.

This issue is nothing spectacular, but parts of it do work well. Plus there are some great scenes with Emma verbally abusing Iceman which are a lot of fun.

C+

X-Men #50

X-Men #50
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andy Kubert

See X-Men Unlimited #10 next.
 
What Went Down: Cyclops wakes up tangled in a tree, in his underwear, and without his visor. Storm gets him out, but notes that she has some broken ribs and a twisted ankle. Wolverine comes to, and comments that he wasn’t even at the mansion when he was ambushed, while Storm discovers that Iceman has a huge chunk missing from his chest.

At the mansion, Xavier wakes up to Gateway spinning a portal in Xavier’s room, seemingly trying to abduct him. Xavier also happens to be narrating this issue as well. Bishop bursts in shooting his guns, but Gateway deflects the shots. Jean follows and subdues Gateway; Bishop remarks that it seems as if Gateway wanted to be stopped. Back in the mystery forest, Cyclops is trying to get Iceman to calm down, but Bobby is panicking because of the hole in his chest. He wonders if he’ll ever be able to return to human form.

Wolverine and Storm scout ahead, and Wolverine senses something invisible following them. Logan manages to disable its cloaking device temporarily, and Storm mistakes the threat for Onslaught. Actually this is Post, the herald of Onslaught. He is testing the X-Men to collect data for Onslaught. After knocking the X-Men away, Post fixes his cloaking device and disappears again.

At the mansion, Beast talks to Banshee about the disappearance of Chamber last issue. In an example of horrible planning, after abducting Chamber, Gateway ended up immediately depositing him back at the school, so last issue’s seemingly significant clue is now a dud. Suddenly an outline of Onslaught appears before the X-Men, causing discomfort for the Professor and Jean.

Cyclops and Iceman meet up with Storm and Wolverine to discuss their plan. They pretend to argue and fight, but really they are positioning themselves to attack the only area in the clearing large enough for Post to be in. How Cyclops and Iceman know the size of Post, I’ll never know. Post looks defeated, but he wakes up and conducts his powers through Iceman. Storm has to put him out with a blizzard.

At the mansion, Beast figures out that Onslaught is testing the X-Men. He comes to this conclusion because three of the X-Men taken were energy wielders, whatever that has to do with anything, and finds it interesting that Onslaught had to abduct the X-Men when he should be powerful enough to storm the mansion. He also figures that the captive X-Men were taken to a source of power.

As Post is about to kill Cyclops and Wolverine, Storm senses something unnatural about the forest around them. She tells Iceman to attack everything in the environment, which in some way weakens Post. Iceman chills Post’s brain, and Cyclops finishes him off with an optic blast. This results in the X-Men teleporting back to the mansion for some reason. Onslaught contacts Gateway to tell him that he overestimated the X-Men because they could barely stop Post, the weakest of Onslaught’s soldiers. Then Onslaught threatens the X-Men, saying that no one can stop him, before disappearing.

How It Was: More double-sized comics…NOOOOO! This particular one comes with a spiffy shiny wraparound cardboard stock cover. Oh, nineties comics gimmicks… thank God you’re not still around because comics are already expensive enough nowadays.

This is the first significant mention we’ve had of Onslaught since Uncanny #322, when we learned Onslaught beat up the Juggernaut. It’s also the first appearance of Post, who has the second worst villain name ever, next to Sack of Gene Nation. Because at this point the X-Office was still trying to figure out who or what Onslaught was going to be, this issue is very vague, and the hints it does give turn out to be inconsequential. Post, for example, has no major function during the Onslaught crossover other than fighting a few random heroes.

The sequence of Beast making scientific observations about Onslaught’s plan is one of the worst scenes ever as none of his conclusions make any sense or serve a purpose. Why does Beast have to figure out they’re being tested when the captive X-Men could just tell them the same thing after they get back?

In fact, this entire issue doesn’t make a lot of sense, before or after you learn that Xavier is Onslaught. The whole sequence with Chamber being captured and sent back reeks of poor planning on the part of the writers, and there’s no reason for Onslaught to tell Gateway to abduct Xavier, since he is Xavier. The narration of the issue also seems to indicate that Xavier hasn’t yet been decided upon as the identity of Onslaught, although you could read it as Onslaught being a repressed part of Charles’ mind. And why does Onslaught even bother to test the X-Men when Xavier’s been doing that for years? It seems as if he’s just screwing with them for the sake of being malicious because I can’t think of another reason. Even the fight with Post doesn’t make a lot sense. How is the environment tied to Post? Why would anybody open themselves up to that kind of weakness?

There are far too many plot holes that never get filled. Most of the issue is padded with various members of the X-Men threatening Gateway to talk when he is effectively a mute, and their two telepaths are just sitting there.  We also never learn why Gateway is working for Onslaught or what his overall purpose is with abducting various characters. It’s a shame because the setup of the story is rather good with a bunch of handicapped X-Men forced to fight one of Onslaught’s weapons. There’s not a lot to care about within this issue. All we get is the introduction of a C-list villain with Onslaught threatening the heroes from behind the scenes like a Bond villain or something. It’s not very impressive at all.

C-

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #2

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #2
Writing: John Ostrander
Art: Bryan Hitch and Sal Vellute

What Went Down: At Reverend Connover’s ministry, the police are questioning William as well as recapping readers on the events of last issue. Connover in turn delivers some exposition regarding the original issues where he met the X-Men in Uncanny #242-244. After walking away from the cops, he worries (or should I say “broods,” hee hee) over his wife some more.

Back in the desert, Hannah is still trying to convince the X-Men to kill her to prevent other people from getting hurt. Wolverine is game, but the rest of the X-Men refuse, so Hannah orders her Brood servants to attack. Jean tells them that Hannah told the aliens not to kill anyone, so they know this is meant to be a distraction.

After the Brood retreat, the X-Men split up to find her. Each of the pairs restates their views on the conflict: Bishop explains that in the future some Brood are good, Jean tries to convince Wolverine that any trace of humanity is worth saving, Beast ponders over the scientific potential of Hannah, Iceman and Wolverine think it might be worth listening to Hannah, and Cannonball thinks this might be a genuine miracle.

Hannah’s Brood catch-up with her just as a new squad of Brood elite does as well. Hannah’s Brood are all killed off. Wolverine and Jean find her just in time, followed by the rest of the X-Men. There’s another big fight. Iceman tries to save some of the “good” Brood with his powers, while Cannonball flies Hannah away from the fight. The Brood Elite give chase while the X-Men take the time to debate their plan some more. Wolverine is still gung ho on killing her, but the rest of the X-Men don’t want to take the easy path.

The Brood decide to kidnap Hannah’s husband to use as bait. Hannah senses her husband’s distress, turns into a Brood herself, and knocks Cannonball unconscious. Jean senses Cannonball pass out, and the X-Men set out to find Hannah. In a cave, William comes face-to-face with his wife in alien-form. Surprisingly, he isn’t repulsed and sticks by his oath to love his wife no matter what she is. Hannah tries to fight off the Firstborn Brood, but she is injured. As they are about to be killed, William and Hannah are saved by the X-Men.

Jean comes up with a plan, with the help of Beast and Iceman, to cryogenically freeze Hannah so she won’t have to die, but the Brood will think she’s dead. While the rest of the X-Men hold off the Brood, Iceman pulls it off, and the remaining Brood kill themselves because they think their job is done.

In the epilogue, the X-Men explain that Hannah has to stay frozen until she can be cured somehow. Beast suggests sending her to Muir Isle. At his ministry, Connover gives a sermon about tolerance, love, and hope. An effigy of Jesus appears on the crucifix in the last panel with the X-logo and ‘The End,’ making it look like Jesus is one of the X-Men.

How It Was: Well after the huge moral conflict set up last issue, the X-Men manage to cheat their way out of either choice with a last minute plot twist. To my knowledge there isn’t a story where Hannah is cured, although it could have occurred in Excalibur somewhere. For all I know, Hannah is still sitting around in a drawer at SHIELD or something, waiting to be thawed out.

As for the issue, the first half of it is basically a retread of everything from the last issue. We get the first issue recapped, all the X-Men drive into the ground the reasons they want to save or kill Hannah, Hannah keeps thinking about how guilty she is, her servants sacrifice themselves for her again, and the X-Men fight some more Brood. All of this redundancy really could have been avoided if the story had been contained to one issue, or two regular sized issues. After thirty or so pages, we get it: Wolverine thinks she should die, so we can move on now.

The second half of the issue works a lot better. Hannah’s husband is kidnapped, so there’s some investment in whether he’s going to survive or even accept her. Hannah is wounded to build some tension. And the final fight does have some cool moments to it, especially Iceman pushing a huge ice stalagmite through a Brood as he tries to get to Hannah. Ostrander even manages to get some emotional mileage out of the end when Jean telepathically tells William that he can’t let Hannah know what is going on, or the Brood will read her mind. The final battle works really well; it’s unfortunate that Hannah’s fate is never resolved.

Hitch had some problems finishing this issue up, so Vellute is sent in—a name I am wholly unfamiliar with. Even the panels that are clearly Hitch seem a little more rushed than last issue; he has some problems with people’s noses, especially Wolverine’s. This story is nice and straightforward, but I can’t get past the feeling that over half of this issue is unnecessary as far as advancing the plot goes.

C-

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #1

X-Men/Brood: Day of Wrath #1
Writing: John Ostrander
Art: Bryan Hitch

What Went Down: In a long-winded prologue accompanied by some gorgeous art, a member of the alien race the Brood explains their back story: that they are all part of a hive mind that needs to lay eggs in other species for reproduction. This prologue seems to be part of a shared nightmare between Jean Grey and a woman named Hannah Connover. Jean wakes up, and we find out that she and Scott are on vacation in Arizona with Jean’s family. Jean telepathically contacts the Professor, and Xavier in turn summons the rest of the X-Men. Xavier explains that they are going to be fighting the Brood, and then the X-Men leave to meet Cyclops and Phoenix.

At a ministry in Arizona, Reverend William Connover and his wife Hannah are having an argument over Hannah’s nightmares and secrets. In a dropped subplot from way, way back in Uncanny X-Men #232-234, Hannah went with a mysterious woman to try to cure her arthritic hands. This issue picks up on that eight-year-old thread by revealing that the woman was a Brood that impregnated Hannah with a Brood Queen. Hannah was healed, and she has been miraculously “curing” some of her husband’s followers by turning them into Brood as well. While looking at a crucifix, she has a change of heart, and somehow she was able to overcome the Brood influence to her mind. She feels very guilty about all of this, but she can’t tell her husband.

At the Grand Canyon the Brood that turned Hannah, named Josey, meets with some pods full of elite Firstborn Brood, sent directly from the Brood Empress. Their mission is to eliminate Hannah because she has gained freewill, as well as all Brood she has created and Josey for producing the anomalous Brood Queen.

Cyclops and Jean show up at the Crusade, and Scott worries that they are going to upset one of the few religious leaders that is accepting of mutants. Jean detects the Brood in Hannah, but also the fact that Hannah is still in control. Meanwhile, Hannah is going into town with two parishioners that do not know that they have been infected by Hannah. The Brood are waiting for her, and attack. Hannah’s followers try to defend her by turning into Brood, but they are killed. Meanwhile, other people that Hannah has infected are summoned by a mental distress call.

Cyclops and Phoenix show up to protect Hannah. There’s a big fight, and right when they’re about to be overwhelmed, the rest of the X-Men show up. An even bigger fight proceeds, and eventually the X-Men manage to kill all of the aliens with an exploding gas truck.

Later, the X-Men have to decide what to do to Hannah. Wolverine wants to kill her and be done with it, but Beast wants to study her to find out how she can avoid the Brood’s control. Bishop mentions that in the future there are several factions of Brood, some even friendly; Hannah is potentially the cause of these benign factions. Hannah asks the X-Men to kill her because she is constantly in contact with the Brood, and they won’t stop sending soldiers to kill her until she’s dead.

How It Was: *Gasp* Two double-sized mini-series issues (with no ads), followed by a double-sized anniversary issue—I don’t know how much more of this I can take. This particular mini wasn’t actually published until after the Onslaught event was under way, but it has to take place at this point because Beast hasn’t been replaced by Dark Beast, Iceman doesn’t have a hole in his gut, and Wolverine hasn’t been turned into a monkey-dog creature yet.

This is yet another odd story that started life as someone remembering a dropped subplot that everyone else had forgotten about, including most readers. Realistically, its only purpose is to offer a straightforward X-Men story as an alternative for readers who didn’t really care for the bogged down, continuity tangle that was the Onslaught crossover.

As far as the story goes, it’s not too bad. Instead of the smaller stories that Lobdell and Waid had been doing that focused on only two or three X-Men at a time, Ostrander presents an epic that requires the combined forces of most of the regular team. It had actually been a while since we’d seen this, minus the Onslaught stories. And the story actually delivers on the action as the X-Men enjoy a good fourteen or fifteen page fight with the eponymous aliens. Nice and straightforward.

The central conflict is also pretty compelling in that the X-Men have to decide between the practical, quick solution vs. the more ethical, but seemingly impossible choice of protecting Hannah from an endless wave of aliens. All of the parties make solid cases, and I like how Bishop’s knowledge of the future is used in the decision-making; I never understood why the X-Men didn’t use him more in this manner.

The issue’s main weakness is that there isn’t really enough story to fill ninety-six pages with no ads at all. The prologue is a huge never ending dump of exposition, although the pictures of the Brood in space and conquering other species are gorgeous. Hannah and William are one-dimensional characters that constantly reiterate the same beats every time they are on panel: Hannah feels guilty about infecting people and lying to her husband, William feels frustrated that his wife won’t tell her what is bothering her. This is all these two characters talk or think about in every scene they’re in, and in forty-eight pages they are in a lot of scenes.

There’s also plenty of page filler as the book takes its time introducing each individual X-Man, or repeating the exposition about the Brood for “the sake of the X-Men who haven’t faced them.” Heck, Hannah’s flashback takes up four pages when it easily could have been contained to one.

Hitch’s art is really the highlight of the issue. All of the X-Men look awesome, although some of the close-ups of Wolverine look a little rough. But the action is solidly paced and the elite Brood warriors look really cool. I’m not a fan of the designs for Hannah’s Brood followers, but most of them get killed instantly so there’s not a lot to worry about.

This is a pretty good story that probably could have worked better in just forty-eight pages, or maybe something around sixty pages. When it works, it works really well, but there is a lot here that is completely ancillary to the plot. As a result, this issue often feels more like a cash-grab then a classic X-Men story.

B-