Uncanny X-Men #313

Uncanny X-Men #313
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: This comic actually skips ahead a couple of sequences after last issue, with Gambit in the water swimming for his life from a giant Phalanx hand. The editor makes a note acknowledging this, saying there was just too much action to fit into one comic. Anyways, Gambit gets dragged underwater by the monster, but escapes by throwing charged playing cards into its mouth. Yes, he throws playing cards accurately while UNDERWATER! On the swim up, Gambit spots Yukio’s unconscious body. He debates leaving her, but decides against it.

At the mansion, Iceman’s unconscious body is doing some weird things with his powers. Banshee “subtlely” notes that it is as if the boy is learning about his powers from scratch. Jubilee yells at Beast for an off color comment, then apologizes. Banshee notes that young mutants like Jubilee should have a place where someone can worry about them instead of the next crisis, continuing the foreshadowing for Generation X from Uncanny #304. With Creed in his cell, Xavier swears that he will help Sabretooth, or die trying. This lasts for a couple of issues, until Xavier decides to give up and hand him over to the government.

Back at the docks, Storm is busy fighting the female Phalanx. Gambit helps Storm out by hitting the Phalanx with his staff, which is apparently really effective. Elsewhere we find Stephen Lang, a former Sentinel programmer who is now a member of the Phalanx. Doug Ramsey, Cypher of the New Mutants, is also a part of the Phalanx, even though he died and is a mutant. He is able to resist Lang’s influence to some extent, and I think his story is continued in the Excalibur Phalanx crossover, because it is never mentioned here again. We also see Cameron Hodge and another member who fights the X-Men later.

At the docks, both Phalanx members have cornered Yukio. She offers to tell them anything, but really she is just stalling so Gambit can charge a giant anchor and drop it on the villains. Storm questions whether the Phalanx have a right to life, even if it costs humanity theirs. Then she summons a lightning bolt, disintegrates the remains of the bad guys, and blows them away. Yukio kicks Gambit in the face because, err, I guess he might’ve forgotten that she doesn’t like him.

At the mansion, Iceman is awake, but Charles reveals that it is really Emma Frost’s mind in Bobby’s body.

How It Was: Not quite as good as last issue, but still pretty darn good. I’ll start with the art first, since Joe Mad is still drawing up a storm. The best parts are at the Phalanx “base” because Joe Mad really pulls off a surreal, techno-organic type purgatory. Sure the upcoming crossover is an excuse to brush off some dead characters, but it still looks really nice. The underwater scenes are also well done, even if the physics of them look nothing like our Earth physics.

The real problem comes with the ways in which the X-Men fight the Phalanx this issue, none of which seem really creative or like they should be effective. Throwing playing cards underwater and hitting a bad guy with a stick should just plain not work, and how is dropping an exploding anchor on them to finish them any different than the exploding motorcycle from last issue? The Phalanx themselves aren’t really interesting, other than visually that is; they just continually talk about assimilation and conquering the planet. Then there’s Yukio, who doesn’t really belong in this story because she has no purpose other than to lead the bad guys to the good guys. She doesn’t do a lot this issue, other than act really mean to Gambit after he saved her life. To illicit such a response, either Gambit did something pretty awful, or Yukio is just a jerk. Unfortunately, as I said before, we never get to find out which one it is.

The stuff at the mansion is okay. Xavier’s ultimatum to Sabretooth is a bit of a mislead, in that it makes you think that something is actually going to come of Sabretooth’s storyline. The reveal at the end is well done, and leads into a pretty good story, but that’s a matter for next issue’s review. Overall, this story is really just a prelude to the huge Phalanx crossover coming up in a few issues. This story has some nice scenes for Storm and Gambit, but really isn’t anything to write home about.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #312

Uncanny X-Men #312
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Storm and Yukio begin the issue by diving out of a window in an exciting fashion. They are being pursued by a member of the Phalanx—a techno-organic race of aliens that assimilate people and matter into their hive mind culture. To fill you in on Yukio, she is an ally of Wolverine’s who met Storm during one of the X-Men’s adventures. Storm was so taken by the woman’s devil may care-live for today attitude that she ended up shaving her hair into a mohawk and wearing a leather biker costume for a good portion of the late eighties. Anyways, while they are being shot at, Yukio reveals to Storm that she is a member of Professor X’s Mutant Underground, and also that the monster has been chasing her for weeks.

At the same time, Gambit is on his motorcycle en route to meet Storm and Yukio. He flirts with a female motorist at a red light, but notices a bolt of lightning in the distance. This is the same bolt that Storm has summoned to kill their pursuer. Yukio goes to pick up a Phalanx hand as a sample, but the hand reforms and shoots her with an energy blast.

Down the street, a human is beating the charred remains of the Phalanx with a bat, claiming that he was the one who saved the day. Storm tries to stop the man, but she is too late and he is absorbed by the Phalanx. A fight ensues, with Gambit showing up to save the day. Storm flies the group away, but crashes in front of the Sea, Air, and Space Museum. Yukio pulls a knife on Gambit, saying that she remembers him from a previous job and doesn’t trust him.

The group is then confronted by the attractive woman that Gambit was flirting with earlier. She turns out to be a Nation Security Council Agent, but when the other Phalanx monster tracks them down, she reveals that she is also a member of the Phalanx.

And finally, at the mansion Beast is trying to resuscitate Iceman, who was found unconscious in Emma Frost’s room after being blasted by energy last issue. After Bobby starts breathing again, you’ll note that he mumbles “Pierce, no,” which is foreshadowing that the White Queen is in his body, since the last thing she remembers is seeing Pierce lead Sentinels to the Hellfire Club from back in issue #281. Professor X gets caught up telepathically, via Jubilee, and Bishop has Sabretooth shackled to the wall. Creed taunts the X-Men, explaining how Iceman is a loser who has wasted his potential. While everyone’s attention is on Bobby, the White Queen appears to awaken.

How It Was: First things first, there is a new Uncanny regular artist in town. Joe Madureira (or Joe Mad for those who don’t want to be driven insane by constantly trying to spell his name) replaces John Romita Jr. with this issue. Whereas Romita’s work is a little more traditional, although still distinct, Joe Mad’s art definitely has a bit of the manga influence that is all the rage with the kids these days. Proportions are less realistic, eyes are wider, and explosions are brighter and much, much more prevalent. It takes some getting used to; he really is a good and dynamic action artist, although he was prone to deadline issues. Plus this issue, he really captures the Phalanx particularly well.

As for the story, the first question one probably has upon reading this issue is why Yukio? Basically the only reason I can think of is that the Phalanx were prone to attack X-Men supporting cast members, or at least that is how it was initially set up; Opal Tanaka and the deceased Candy Southern set the precedent. So Yukio is only really here because she is tangentially tied to the X-Men, and she disappears after this story. There’s also a back story with Gambit that is alluded to, but never addressed in the X-Men books, although it could have been told in Unlimited or one of the Gambit series.

As for the rest of the story, it’s pretty much non-stop action; Gambit gets a particularly good action sequence involving a motorcycle, and Storm also gets to do some impressive feats with her powers. The problem is that the Phalanx have now been reworked as one of those enemies that adapts with every attack, so they just keep coming until the writer can come up with some contrived way for them to finally stop or die. There’s also the double twist of the motorist turned government agent turned Phalanx that is completely unnecessary because nobody has built any kind of attachment to this background character for it to matter.

As for the scenes at the mansion, I think the last panel is supposed to be a mistake of some kind, since Emma isn’t supposed to wake up until well after Bobby does. Still, I promise this is building to something pretty good.

B

Uncanny X-Men #311

Uncanny X-Men #311
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: John Romita Jr.

What Went Down: The Beast is in the mansion’s power core, running a diagnostic to check for damage after Magneto’s EMP pulse from Fatal Attractions. Jubilee is yelling at him through his headset because he promised to take her to the Rocky Horror Picture Show (she can’t be that big of a fan since she didn’t bother to dress up). She tries to get Iceman to take her instead, but he is busy upgrading the security around the med-lab.

Outside Bishop is meditating/absorbing the energy from melting snowflakes (I feel like melting snow wouldn’t release energy, but what do I know?). Storm stops by to tell him that she is meeting Gambit and an old friend in town, and he tells her that he is done dwelling on the future. Bishop throws a snowball at her, which is answered by a giant pile of snow landing right on top of him. Meanwhile, Sabretooth is freaking out in his cell.

In the med-lab, Bobby reflects on Emma Frost’s career as a villain, and then the power goes out. Suddenly pink energy from the alien technology in the mansion shoots out and hits Bobby and Emma, knocking out the former. Bishop runs in the mansion, and Beast tells him to check on Sabretooth.

Sure enough, Sabretooth has escaped and is about to kill Jubilee. Bishop tears out the power lines in the walls to charge himself up, and blasts Creed. Jubilee is obviously traumatized by her experience and begs Bishop not to leave her alone. In the power core, Beast works to keep it from melting down.

Sabretooth escapes into the sewers, and Bishop follows. Bishop shoots him with the remaining energy he has stored. The two are at a standoff until Jubilee shoots Sabretooth with a taser from behind.

Storm meets up with her old friend Yukio in New York City. Yukio has asked for Storm’s help with an entity that has been chasing her. The three men that Yukio was just dancing with transform into members of the Phalanx, setting up the cliffhanger.

How It Was: With the wedding over, Uncanny can finally get back to some regular stories. This issue starts what will become a common trend for Sabretooth stories—he escapes and the X-Men have to hunt him down and stop him. To be fair, I think this issue does it best out of all of the future issues that deal with Sabretooth escaping. We have all of the common horror movie tropes here: power outage, teenage girl alone, homicidal maniac that only one man can stop. It’s also nice to see Bishop acting cool again after months of him doing nothing but annoying people by talking about the future.

The scenes with Beast are okay; they do give us some humorous dialogue, but they also fail to generate any tension over the unnecessary core meltdown sub plot. Jubilee also gets some nice scenes where she stands up to Sabretooth despite being absolutely terrified of him. Lobdell actually gets some mileage out of this since Jubilee’s default character is usually calm and sarcastic. The Iceman/Emma stuff doesn’t seem important now, but actually leads to a pretty good story later.

The art is looking really great this issue, with some great action scenes and very detailed backgrounds. The first three pages contain some of Romita’s nicest looking spreads of the Beast. All around, a pretty good issue.

B+