X-Men #82

X-Men #82

Writing: Joe Kelly

Art: Adam Kubert

What Went Down:  Gambit and Colossus are both plummeting from a mountaintop after Gambit impulsively jumped on Peter’s shoulders in an attempt to lighten the mood.  Storm and Rogue save them, and fortunately the fall has led them right to the place they were hoping to get to.  It’s a temple made of ice. 

Inside the temple, one of the monks of the order alerts Renee Majcomb that there are intruders.  Elsewhere, Gambit brushes off Rogue’s attempts to get close to him.  Colossus finds it appalling, not knowing that Gambit is possessed by an evil being.  Gambit blows the door to an area and finds the frozen corpses of the majority of the monks.  An observer watches the X-Men and analyzes them. 

The X-Men come to a liquid mirror that appears to be some kind of portal.  Since Xavier’s signal is coming from it, they enter it.  The world inside distorts their senses and skews reality.  Rogue has an easier time with it because she is used to the confusion of having multiple personalities in her head.  Outside Renee asks a mystery figure if the trap is working; the mystery person thinks that they have the wrong people.  A robot that looks like Cerebro from issue #81 observes the mirror. 

Inside the mirror the X-Men experience a variety of abstract tortures, but when Rogue and Gambit reach for each other, they begin to turn back to normal.  They realize that extreme emotions are the key to escaping the mirror.  Storm thinks of her love for the X-Men, Colossus the death of his sister, Rogue thinks of Gambit, and Gambit thinks about the mist thing that possessed him. 

After breaking out, the X-Men are confronted by Renee and Nina, the girl from Onslaught: Epilogue that Professor X met.  They apologize for mistaking the X-Men for enemies and learn that they are being chased by Cerebro, who thinks Nina is Xavier. 

How It Was:  This issue: the X-Men get their own young and adorably cute sidekick.  What, you’re not excited?  Anyways Nina the Mannite turns up after her appearance in Onslaught: Epilogue.  Don’t worry, she’s not staying permanently, but it’s still enough to cast a pall over this story.  Nobody could possibly care whether or not this tiny plot device got ripped apart by a Cerebro robot, which is a real failing in this entire story.

Despite that rather sobering intro, this issue is actually really fun.  The opening is worth a small smile as Gambit tries too hard to fit back in with X-Men and the ice temple is really nicely rendered by Adam Kubert.  The best part of the book is when the team is attacked in the mirror by Nina.  The shift in art style and coloring does a perfect job of capturing the shift in reality that consumes the X-Men; it’s a great example of storytelling through visuals as the team’s perceptions are completely upended.  Yes it’s hokey that they break free by feeling emotions, but it’s worth it for the line, “And then the whole world stopped making fish.”  Some really creative imagery here.

It’s a neat issue if you ignore the fact that the plot doesn’t really advance all that much.  The characters are still shining as always in Kelly’s book, except for Colossus who is suffering from a case of nothing to do.  One of the better parts of this event.

For Everyone

Uncanny X-Men #362

Uncanny X-Men #362

Writing: Steve Seagle

Art: Chris Bachalo

What Went Down:  The SHIELD Helicarrier shows up over a farm in Nebraska where Legacy Virus victim Pyro is once again losing control of his powers.  Nick Fury calls the X-Men in because Pyro is asking for Xavier and something has him frightened.  The X-Men agree to help.

Xavier has a dream where harmony has been achieved between man and mutant.  He wakes from the dream a prisoner in a dark place.  Over at Cecilia Reyes’ doctor’s office, Cecilia receives a large package from Muir Island. 

The X-Men split up with half going after Pyro while the others help fire fighters and rescue workers.  Along the way Gambit has an internal conversation with the mystery parasite inhabiting his body.  As the X-Men work, they all discuss their feelings about Charles Xavier, what he means to them, and the hope they have for finding him.  Marrow is unimpressed with all of this.

Pyro’s powers are so out of control that Colossus can feel the flames through his metal skin. This is disconcerting because Gambit is attacked by a flame woman who kisses him.  Storm makes it rain, and creates a collapsing air mass.  They chase Pyro and Wolverine punches him out.  He then notices a mysterious figure inside the flames directly behind Pyro.  The figure announces a systems failure and melts. Before he passes out, Pyro tells the X-Men that Xavier sent him before exploding into flames.  Fury arrests him and the X-Men leave. 

Back at the mansion, the giant package Cecilia received for the X-Men turns out to be a new Cerebro unit to replace the one Bastion stole during OZT.  After setting it up, the X-Men use it to try to locate Charles Xavier.  The only problem is that there are two separate signals for Xavier; one in Russia, and the other in San Francisco.  The X-Men declare that they will find their mentor.  In both locations, robots crash to the ground, both searching for Xavier. 

How It Was:  The Hunt for Xavier kicks off with the X-Men running around and not doing a whole lot of anything.  This issue can’t really be described as a fight with Pyro, since most of the story is rescuing civilians, chasing after the villain, and talking about Xavier.  And maybe that’s a necessary evil since Professor X has been out of circulation for almost two years at this point.  Marrow is used as the new reader’s entry point as she quizzes each X-Man on the significance of Professor X and what he means to the team.

At this point in X-History it was well established that the writers of both books wanted to bring the X-Men back to basics with less dependence on technology.  Hence, their technology was stolen or destroyed by Bastion.  So imagine my surprise when the X-Men’s sophisticated mutant detecting computer Cerebro is casually replaced when Moira Mactaggert decides to send them a spare.  Why did she wait so long, especially when she knows that Charles is missing?  This just feels like some lazy plot convenience to detect Charles and get the story on the road. 

As for the rest of the story, it’s mostly just fighting fire.  At one point Pyro conjures a fire woman to kiss Gambit.  I’m pretty sure this should give him some serious burns and facial disfigurement, but it doesn’t.  Perhaps the mist lady helps him, but this is never explained at all.  Poor Pyro has never been as pathetic as he is taken out by a fire extinguisher from Kitty and one punch from Wolverine; this dying of the Legacy Virus shtick is getting pretty tired for the character. 

This is an okay issue with some weird plotting choices made out of plot necessity.  The revelation of two Xavier signals reeks of the need to pad this story out, but at least the books go bi-weekly to accommodate the long story (remember when six issue stories weren’t an industry norm?  Those were the days.).  Not the most exciting kick off, but it’s also not unreadable.

For X-Fans