Minor Upkeep

In my initial post, I mentioned that one of the purposes of this blog, besides being totally awesome, was to try to make myself a better writer.  Already I've noticed a few reoccurring bad habits, so I took the time to fix them in hopes that future generations that discover this blog won't be annoyed to insanity.  So right now I'd just like to take this opportunity to apologize for overusing the following words: seems, appears, apparently, and for some reason.  Feel free to comment on anything you catch that bugs you, and tune in next week for the first appearance of Hazard, and possibly The Last Morlock Story if I can get to it. I can tell you're thrilled.

X-Men #11

X-Men #11
Writing: Jim Lee and Scott Lobdell
Art: Jim Lee and Mark Texeira

What Went Down: It turns out Dazzler did survive the fight from last issue…surprise. This issue opens with her discussing the plot with the leader of the resistance, Mojo II—the Sequel. Get it, it’s a media joke. His story is that he is a clone of Mojo with one flaw—he has a spine. After summarizing the events of last issue and dropping a few movie related jokes, the scene switches to half of the X-Men Blue Team fighting the other half (because they’re brainwashed).

Back at his evil lair, Mojo is gloating at the captive Professor X; apparently Mojo forgot that the Professor is a mutant because he does nothing while Xavier uses his powers to free the X-Men.

While everyone is watching the X-Men, Mojo II and Dazzler attempt to sneak into Mojo’s base, but they are ambushed. Jubilee snaps Wolverine out of his trance by making him mad, and he is able to weaken the wall made out of Mojonium.

Everyone bursts in at once and a fight ensues with Mojo; he holds his own and manages to kill a large group of rebels with an energy blast. Then Longshot takes a sword (which he got…somewhere?) and stabs the bad guy with it, theoretically killing him. Of course, he comes back later with no explanation of how he survived, but there you go.

Dazzler and Longshot give control of Mojoworld over to Mojo II, warning him that if he turns out to be evil, they will stop him. Some of the X-Men mutter that they don’t trust him, but nothing else ever happens with him that I know of, and Mojo eventually just reclaims the throne.

Professor X reveals that Dazzler is pregnant, and Longshot makes a joke about naming the kid Shatterstar; for a while fans were convinced that Shatterstar must be their child, but a different origin was later created for the character.

Bonus—What Else Went Down: Maverick shoots a lot of bullets at Warhawk; the problem is that Warhawk has omnium skin, which is yet another indestructible metal in the Marvel Universe. Also, Maverick mentions that he misses his mutant power and brings up a woman named Isabel…important clues to his backstory at this point in his career.

Dr. Ryking explains that he is responsible for Warhawk’s powers. Maverick shoots Warhawk with what appears to be a bolt gun. The bolts penetrate the villain’s skin, and he explodes, killing Ryking in the process. Maverick walks away and thinks about how he hates his job and himself.

How It Was: There is still some media related humor to be had in this issue, but basically it’s just a big fight issue. It’s unfortunate because the story completely gives up on the somewhat clever Wizard of Oz parody and dissolves into a pointless hero vs. hero fight. Yes the title of the issue shows that the creators are making fun of this fact, but it still means a fight where you know exactly what to expect.

Also, this is an issue full of false starts and forgotten plot lines. Mojo II—forgotten and replaced by Mojo later. Longshot and Dazzler’s kid—drags on forever and ends up miscarried so the creators don’t have to mess with it. Mojo’s death—doesn’t stick, obviously. And I would still like to know where Longshot got that sword. Also, where the heck is Spiral? Wasn’t she in X-Men #5 building up to this story?

Looking at the back up strip: it’s complete crap. Maverick shoots Warhawk with a gun. It doesn’t work. Warhawk knocks Maverick away. Maverick shoots Warhawk with a different gun. Warhawk blows up. The end. The plot doesn’t even make sense on that simple level, but at least they got a proper inker for this issue. And the ending tries to make Maverick seem deep by having him act remorseful at the end, but that doesn’t work because in the beginning he was cracking jokes as he was killing people with a grenade and shooting at Warhawk.

Absolutely average, but a couple of the jokes (especially the Beast’s poetry quote at the end) saves it a little.

B-

X-Men #10

X-Men #10
Writing: Jim Lee and Scott Lobdell
Art: Jim Lee and Mark Texiera

What Went Down: Longshot awakens to find himself in a falling house. After it crashes, he walks outside to discover that he’s crushed a person and cannot remember who he is.

Cyclops, Rogue, Wolverine, and Beast emerge from some wreckage; it is at this point we learn that the X-Men are trapped in a parody of the Wizard of Oz. Cyclops=Scarecrow, except he has no confidence instead, Rogue=Tin Man, except she literally can’t feel because her hands are covered, and Wolverine=Lion, as in a total coward. Add in the Beast, who can only talk like Scooby Doo, as a fill in for Toto, and you just know this is going to be a wild ride.

Anyways, after meeting the X-Men, Longshot conveniently remembers everything. He tries to explain the situation to the X-Men, but they don’t get it, so they all decide to go off to see the Wizard.

Meanwhile, Mojo and more captive X-Men are watching the proceedings from his base. In case you don’t know, Mojo is a villain who lives in a dimension run by television where whoever has the best ratings is superior. The working class rebels are trying to end Mojo’s tyranny since they are forced to perform on these “shows” and most of them are quite dangerous. He reveals that his plan is to make the X-Men fight each other; everyone responds with self-aware jokes about how that always happens anyway.

The rest of the issue is made up of a flashback that reveals how the X-Men arrived in this predicament. Dazzler and one of Mojo’s spies go to the mansion to enlist the X-Men in helping to overthrow Mojo. The spy teleports the blue team to Mojoworld, weakening them in the process. Mojo’s forces, including a brainwashed Longshot, are able to completely subdue the Blue Team, and Dazzler seemingly gets killed and falls in the water.

After the flashback, we see that the remaining X-Men, plus Lila Cheney, are dressed as flying monkeys and attacking Longshot’s group. And finally, a mysterious character discovers Dazzler in a gutter and rescues her.

Bonus—What Else Went Down: This issue and the next include a seven page back up story starring Maverick, from issues 5-7. The story opens with a bunch of soldiers pointing guns at Maverick while he appears to be surrendering. To rectify this, he lobs a thermite grenade at them and reveals that he can seal himself in his armor.

It turns out that Maverick is hunting a man named Ryking—this is important for issues 12 and 13 although it is never made clear why. It also turns out that Maverick works for a guy named Barrington, which is the name Wolverine discovered on the computer in X-Men #8. Just as our hero is about to pull the trigger on his target, he is hit from behind. It turns out that Warhawk, an obscure X-Men villain who I’ll explain more about later, is protecting Ryking.

How It Was: Well Jim Lee and Scott Lobdell had fun with this one, didn’t they? While it’s kind of silly, the humor is self-aware enough to work; seeing Cyclops and Wolverine as complete opposites is worth a few giggles, as is the scene with everyone complaining about another X-Men versus X-Men fight. It’s a Mojo story, but it is one of the better done Mojo stories that I’ve read. As for Dazzler and Longshot, I’ve never gotten the appeal of the characters, but some fans go crazy for them, go figure. To each their own, I guess.

My only real complaint about the story is Longshot’s completely unnecessary amnesia that disappears within the first two pages. If I wanted to get picky, I’d complain about the character at the end, who later turns out to be Mojo II, but more on that later.

As for the back up strip, it’s pretty forgettable. It’s supposed to be setup for the next story arc, but that story never explains why this story is important, and then the whole thing gets forgotten. Maverick doesn’t really get any depth added to him; he is basically your average 90s hero with a machine gun and an ungodly amount of pouches drawn on his costume. And the inclusion of Warhawk, who hadn’t been seen in an X-Men story since Uncanny #110 back in 1978, is absolutely stupefying. Why anyone would want to read a story about Maverick fighting a bunch of nameless thugs and a D-list villain is beyond me. Also the coloring is really dark and muddy looking, and the inking is a little too thick for my taste; it almost looks like a coloring book.

A fun story brought down by a second, awful story.

B+

Uncanny X-Men #290

Uncanny X-Men #290
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Whilce Portacio

What Went Down: Storm’s on the cover standing in the rain; that means a happy ending for her subplot, right? At any rate, the book opens on Iceman’s girlfriend Opal and his parents hiding behind an ice wall. Iceman’s father, an incredible racist, hates Opal because she is Asian (although it’s the 90’s, so it’s still considered politically correct to say Oriental). He also blames her for the appearance of the Cyburai. In case you haven’t guessed it, the Cyburai are samurai warriors who have cybernetic enhancements to their bodies.

On the other side of the wall, Iceman is fighting the four Cyburai with the assistance of Hiro, Opal’s former boyfriend/cousin.

Back in Westchester, Colossus and his brother, Mikhail, are outside a travel agency. Peter is going to get tickets so that they can both go to Russia, and Mikhail can be reunited with their family. You might be asking why they don’t just take one of the X-Men’s jets. All I have to say is that is a very good question. After Peter goes inside, Mikhail has a flashback to when he killed all of the people in the void with his powers. As this is happening, a pizza boy bumps into him, and Mikhail turns him into a tree. Yes, he has very vague powers that seem to change to fit the occasion. Colossus doesn’t see what happens, and both men go home.

At the same time Storm is flying around and considering Forge’s proposal. At the mansion, Forge and Jean Grey are discussing the proposal. Forge is bitter that Storm had to think about the proposal when he loves her more than anything. He asks Jean if the stray thoughts she picks up off Storm indicate whether or not she reciprocates that love as much as he does. Strangely, Jean’s answer seems to indicate that Storm does not.

Back at the restaurant, the fight is still going on. When asked why they want to kill Bobby’s parents, the Cyburai just mutter a bunch of generic stuff about honor. During the fight, Hiro says some impressive things about Opal that impress her a lot. Hiro realizes that he and Iceman are outmatched, so he tells Iceman to get Opal to safety because he has a plan.

Outside the mansion, Bishop is meditating in the rain. Mystique comes out to taunt him by turning into Randall to make him feel guilty. Right as Bishop is about to shoot her, Forge comes out to stop him.

As Iceman and Opal make their getaway, Hiro blows himself up, taking out the Cyburai with him. Iceman thinks he teleported away, but Opal claims she can feel that he is still there. She is devastated and resents Bobby for this.

Finally, Storm returns to talk to Forge, but before she can say anything, Forge tells her he’s leaving with Mystique because she actually needs him. After he leaves, Storm reveals that she was going to say yes.

How It Was: Pretty much the same as what I said about the last issue. The stuff with Storm is great; the stuff with Iceman…not so much. The real problem is that the Cyburai are just really crappy villains. None of them have names or personalities, and they just come off as so generic. If you play any kung-fu fighting game, you’ll probably see the same designs for the Cyburai as you will for the game’s enemies: the fat, bald guy, the long haired guy with a goatee, the shorthaired, skinny guy. Hiro is no better, and all anybody can do is talk about honor or reiterate plot points from the X-Factor story where they first appeared. Absolutely horrible.

The plot with Storm is much, much better as it is not predictable, and it explores the complexities of their personalities. Forge comes to believe that Storm has developed a façade as a tough, emotionless leader and that she is afraid to allow herself to be viewed in any other light. That’s not a bad assessment, since while the character of Storm has always been established as the tough but wise leader who gets the job done, the stress of maintaining that presence would start to wear on a normal person. The dialogue here is subtle and very well done. As for the parts with Mystique, she jumps in and out of lucidity at pretty convenient times, although this might be intentional to show that she is faking it. Otherwise, it’s just annoying.

Quick note—what’s up with Mikhail’s powers? First he can control portals, and then he can turn people into trees. In the next arc he gains even more powers, and it’s a little frustrating.

This is Portacio’s last issue of Uncanny, and it’s a pretty good one to go out on as far as the work on Storm goes. And even though it’s a dreadful storyline, the Cyburai parts still look good.

This issue ends a quaint little story about why it sucks to date superheroes—whether they have issues of their own or they are always getting attacked by villains. I’d still recommend it, but only for the Storm/Forge material.

B

Uncanny X-Men #289

Uncanny X-Men #289
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Whilce Portacio

What Went Down: We begin with Storm and Bishop together in the mansion. They are looking at portraits of the X-Men over the years, and Storm is reiterating how the X-Men strive for peaceful coexistence between humans and mutants. Poor Bishop continues to insist that he understands, but he hasn’t had an opportunity to prove it yet.

Several floors below, Iceman is getting ready for a date with Opal Tanaka and needs help with his bow tie. He asks for help from Forge, who also has no idea. Bobby asks Forge if he wants to talk about his relationship with Storm, but he declines.

Outside Jean Grey and Professor X are having a tender father/daughter type moment where they discuss the reasons they do what they do and the sacrifices that they all have made. Jean Grey tries to bring up the Professor’s paralysis, but he also declines.

Over in Long Island the Drakes, Iceman’s parents, are getting ready to go to dinner and meet Bobby’s girlfriend Opal; Mr. Drake is an incredible racist, and it boggles the mind why Bobby or his mother would agree to this dinner. Hiro, Opal’s cousin/ex-boyfriend I think, is observing the Drakes when a police officer surprises him. The cop tries to arrest Hiro, but Hiro knocks him out instead.

Bobby finally gets help with his tie from Archangel, who is also depressed because he feels that he isn’t good enough to date anybody, what with having blue skin and all. After Bobby leaves, Archangel is surprised by a version of himself from before he was transformed by Apocalypse. After beating up the imposter, the false Angel turns out to be Mystique, who is staying with the X-Men since Wolverine #52. Mystique is suffering from some kind of dementia due to the death of her good friend Destiny and as a result from her constant shape changing.

Mystique claims she was only trying to help Warren by having him confront his depression; Warren flies away angry as Storm chews out Mystique for meddling. Forge comes to Mystique’s defense, although it is unclear whether he actually agrees with her or if he is just doing it because he is mad at Storm. Storm senses that Forge is projecting his emotions about their relationship, and he storms off.

Storm and Forge finally acknowledge their relationship for the first time since the relaunch. Forge accuses Storm of being too afraid to live any role other than that of X-Man, and that she refuses to have a life of her own. Then he asks her to marry him.

At the restaurant, Bobby introduces Opal to his folks; his mother is warm and friendly, while his father is a complete jerk. Right as Bobby is about to confront his father about his behavior, Hiro shows up in the restaurant saying that his family is about to die. Bobby mistakes this as a threat against his family, so Hiro informs him that he is not the one who wants them dead. Just then the Cyburai burst in, pronouncing that Robert Drake’s parents must die.

How It Was: This is somewhat of a landmark issue as far as the creative team goes. It marks the beginning of Whilce Portacio’s last story arc before abandoning Marvel to cofound Image Comics, and it marks the beginning of Scott Lobdell’s run on the book. While not quite as long as Claremont’s, Lobdell wrote Uncanny from this issue to issue #349, as well as X-Men on and off throughout that period. So get used to him because I’m going to be writing a lot about his work for the next couple of months.

As for the issue itself, it is a textbook example of your average Scott Lobdell work; the quiet character scenes at the mansion are very good, and the action scenes are kind of dull and boring. Lobdell does his best work when he’s having characters express feelings and emotion, but when they go to fight actual villains... well I think the use of the Cyburai says it all. More on them next post.

The highlight of the book is Storm and Forge’s relationship. At this point the two characters hadn’t had very many opportunities to interact in any of the books. Rather than just forgetting about the relationship, Lobdell capitalizes on the fact by having Forge question why Storm hasn’t made an attempt to make their relationship a priority. Some people might say that Forge goes a little overboard on her, but I think he’s perfectly in the right. When she answers her duties as an X-Man, it gives him all the justification to lay into her about how she views herself and others. It’s really nice to see a super hero relationship struggle for such a common, normal reason, as opposed to having ex-wives pop up or one of the characters die.

The stuff with Archangel struggling with his identity is also quite good, and Lobdell makes good use of having to be stuck with Mystique in the mansion. The scenes with Iceman and his parents are slightly harder to get through. His father is just so blatantly over the top, I just can’t believe any member of his family would think this was a good idea. I’m not saying it’s completely awful, since most prejudices are narrow-minded, unjustified, and illogical; it’s just that every reader knows that the only place for Bobby’s father to go as a character is to have him realize what a fool he’s been and become more enlightened. And he does…it just takes about six years until it happens.

The arts fine—Storm’s eyes are back to normal…thank goodness. You know the words, so sing along—Portacio draws some beautiful characters, but the majority of his backgrounds are just solid colors. Oh and somebody forgot to color in Storm’s face on a page. This issue’s not bad, just nothing special.

B

Next Update

Hi there, I just got back yesterday from a very awesome vacation.  I should be posting reviews for two story arcs tomorrow.