Writer: Scott Lobdell
Art: Jason Pearson and Tom Grummet
What Went Down: We begin in a small Latin American village where former X-Factor villain Tower, from the “terrifying” Axis of Evil, is getting ready to molest a local waitress. However, he is prevented from victimizing the woman by new character the X-Cutioner (no relation to the X-Cutioner’s Song), who promptly kills him. He announces to the villagers that his shtick is to kill evil mutants that deserve killing—a Punisher for mutants if you will.
Suddenly the reader is thrust into an alternate world where Jean Grey is shopping for lingerie to impress her husband Scott while her son Nate browses the X-Men action figures. They are both attacked by a group of three Nimrod Sentinels who, like their namesake, act in a bumbling and stupid fashion. Fortunately they are saved by XSE members Bishop and his sister Shard. After the fight, the X-Men, led by Iceman—now called Icemaster, show up to bask in a group of fans. Bishop accuses Icemaster of turning the X-Men into a mockery, and Bobby responds by explaining how much better being adored by the public is than being feared. Jean’s husband Scott and their daughter Rachel show up, and the family decides to go see the X-Men movie while a shadowy figure with a cigarette smiles in the background.
After a transition, we find out that Jean, Iceman, and Bishop are unconscious in a hospital room with X-villain Mastermind. The rest of the Gold Team are debating what to do; Storm suggests that they need to rewatch the security tape of their arrival for clues, which really just serves to set up this story. Basically Jean received a letter from the very ill Mastermind asking her to visit him on Muir Island. The rest of the Gold Team tags along, despite Iceman’s insistence that it’s a trap. Jean, Iceman, and Bishop go in, and Mastermind takes over their minds with his illusion powers, hence the alternate world. Now the big problem is that Mastermind is dying, and if he dies then the three X-Men will also.
Back in the illusion world, Jean and Scott are having a romantic time together when a phoenix raptor attacks them. Their children Nate and Rachel, dressed as adorable versions of Phoenix and Cable, proceed to accuse the X-Men of being lousy parents to them and kill Scott. Jean destroys the illusion children and has a vision of Mastermind. Bishop meets up with Jean, and she remembers who she really is.
Back in the real world, the X-Cutioner is caught on camera before taking them out. Storm sends Colossus and Archangel to deal with him. Through internal monologue, we learn that the X-Cutioner is named Carl and he used to work for the FBI under Fred Duncan, an X-Men supporting character from the 60s. Duncan apparently spent his time stockpiling weapons of former X-Men villains, which comprise the entire arsenal of the X-Cutioner. Colossus knocks the villain off of a cliff by accident, but Archangel saves him, getting taken down in the process.
Meanwhile in the dream world, Iceman’s X-Men have turned on him, and Jean and Bishop are fighting to save him. Jean discovers the letter that brought them to Muir Island; after she reads it, the world fades to white.
Colossus fights with the X-Cutioner, but is taken down. Storm shows up to continue the fight. X-Cutioner surrounds himself with a force bubble, but Storm overwhelms it with lightning.
Mastermind reveals that he wanted to apologize for always fighting the X-Men, and that deep down he has always hated himself. His intention was to show the X-Men an ideal world, but because he is sick with the Legacy Virus he was unable to control it. As Mastermind starts to die, Jean sends Iceman and Bishop back to the physical world. Mastermind admits that Jean is the only woman he ever loved and apologizes for controlling her during the Dark Phoenix storyline. With the last of his strength, he hurls Jean back into the physical world so she won’t die with him.
Archangel goes on a tirade about how it is odd that Storm is so calm about killing a person, to which Storm replies that X-Cutioner had to have teleported since the lightning was focused around him, not focused on him. They contemplate the fate of the villain before Archangel discovers that Colossus has been seriously wounded by the alien weaponry.
What Else Went Down: This story takes place before Uncanny X-Men #299. Upstart member Trevor Fitzroy is shown sucking the life force out of an innocent bystander. He and his assistant Bantam need the energy to find a person that Fitzroy is looking for. Fitzroy uses the energy to revive Bantam, who is unconscious from reasons unknown. Together they travel to a police shootout in New Mexico where police have pinned down a mutant named Siena Blaze and her unnamed partner. Fitzroy sucks the energy out of the partner and uses it to open a portal for a train from the future to come out and kill the cops. On the train Siena Blaze sees herself from the future being hauled away to a prisoner work camp in the future. Fitzroy asks her to join the Upstarts and explains the rules about killing mutants for points. When asked how he knew where to find her, Fitzroy responds that in the future she told him.
How It Was: Well here we have our first victim of the Legacy Virus, before the virus even had a name. Sure Tower also dies, but nobody cares about that. Mastermind’s death turns out to make for a really, really great story. The idea of having X-Men trapped in his world of illusion is par for the course for a Mastermind story, but the added twist that he is dying adds a little originality to it. Plus the world is really wonderfully realized and Lobdell has a lot of fun with it. Whether it’s the Nimrods accidentally killing bystanders or all of the X-Men repeatedly telling Iceman how great he is, there are a lot of laugh out loud moments in this story, yet it still manages to have a serious side and stay true to the characters. Each member has to come to terms with a part of his or her past or present, whether it is Bishop’s guilt over the death of his sister, Jean’s guilt over not being a good parent to Cable and Phoenix, or Iceman’s guilt over not fulfilling his fullest potential as a mutant and super hero. It’s as faithful as it is entertaining, which is a good combination.
The X-Cutioner also makes for an interesting villain, at least initially; nothing great has really been done with the villain since, and as it stands he is one of those villains that just gets brushed off for a one or two issue arc every once in a while. The vigilante against mutants act is nothing new, but it does work to set him up against the no killing X-Men, and I still feel that there is an interesting origin story to tell. Plus, if you’re a huge X-Men fan then the throwback weapons from obscure villains are a nice touch. This thread is a little less successful since it involves Colossus still complaining about not being with his sister, and Archangel is rather whiny as well in this story. Lobdell also does a fantastic job of setting up Mastermind as a sympathetic character even though he has been torturing the X-Men since they were teenagers. Pearson’s art is rather cartoony, but the X-Men are all drawn proportional and there aren’t any profound liberties taken, other than that Archangel kind of resembles a skinny girl a little. And if child Cable and Rachel Summers don’t bring a smile to your face, then how can you call yourself an X-fan?
In contrast, the backup story is a complete failure on a number of levels, most having nothing to do with the creative team. Siena Blaze is presented as a person terrified of her powers and their consequences, which completely contradicts her behavior in X-Men Unlimited #1. Also, Fitzroy’s motivations are never explained whatsoever; he invites this girl to join the Upstarts, even though that means his chances for winning are now lessened. He mentions that he met her in the future, but the nature of their relationship is never revealed. The major problem with this story, as with all other Upstarts stories, is that the entire plotline is about to disappear from the X-Men books after the next arc in Uncanny X-Men #301-302 without anything getting resolved. Normally I’d deduct points because of a story this unnecessary and unfulfilling, but the primary story is so good that it is easy to overlook any story telling mistakes that might occur in the last section.
A
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