Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Andrew Wildman
Note: Because I need a break from crossovers, and a break from full-length, double-sized stories, I’m taking the time to chronicle the mini-epic that was the Pizza Hut X-Men Promotion. These stories are definitely not considered part of canon, even though they were written by current Uncanny X-Men writer of the time Scott Lobdell. If we were being generous, we could say that the story could take place between Uncanny #304 and X-Men #25 since Bishop is on the team, but the team is also aware that Magneto is alive. This isn’t particularly likely because 1. Jubilee is portrayed as never having been to the Savage Land when she has already been in Wolverine #70-71, and 2. It’s unlikely that Professor X would behave the way he does at the same time that he is worrying about Magneto. On the other hand, it might add an interesting layer to Xavier’s personality if he was this manipulative of his students. But I digress. Moving on to the actual story…
What Went Down: Cyclops and Wolverine initially appear to be in the middle of a savage battle, but actually they are both in the middle of a Danger Room session that is being observed by the rest of the team. Professor X interrupts the session with an ominous warning of a severe threat that is looming. When the X-Men gather in the war room, Xavier informs the group that their mutant-hunting computer Cerebro has been infected with a computer virus. The team is split into four groups, to coincide with the four issues of the story, to each complete a specific task that will lead to the repair of Cerebro, and the discovery of the mystery villain responsible for the sabotage.
Gambit and Rogue wind up with the first task, which involves removing holographic template technology from the Danger Room to use to fix Cerebro. As usual, Gambit flirts with Rogue, and Rogue responds by yelling at him. When the pair opens the panel in the Danger Room, they discover panels and wires that lead them to believe that the Danger Room has also been sabotaged. All of a sudden, the Danger Room’s holograms kick in, and the room is transformed into the Days of the Future Past alternate future, complete with Sentinels trying to kill our merry mutants. Rogue and Gambit have to retreat; Gambit appears to be injured, but really uses it as an excuse to touch Rogue’s lips, transferring his powers. When the Sentinels discover the pair, Rogue uses Gambit’s power to take them by surprise and blow them up. Gambit apologizes for tricking Rogue, but explains that he needed her reactions to be authentic in order to fool the Sentinels. As they go to meet their friends, an ominous shadowed character, who is responsible for the sabotage, watches the two X-Men on a monitor and vows that this is only the beginning.
How It Was: When looking at the quality of these comics, it’s important to remember that the target audience for these books was young children. Their sole reasons for existing are to sell pizza and convert kids to buying X-Men comics and watching the X-Men cartoon. Since another X-Men promotion soon followed at Pizza Hut, it’s safe to say that these comics succeeded in their task. But at the same time, I feel like it’s my duty to review them from my present perspective as a twenty-something year old male because the whole point of this blog is to recommend X-Men comics worth reading. Sadly these comics have no real narrative value to anybody over the age of twelve, despite the efforts of regular X-writer Scott Lobdell. Sure they make for neat collector’s items, but this story is far from engaging.
First the good: it is really nice to see Lobdell try to incorporate so many aspects of X-continuity into the issue. The Days of the Future Past is one of my favorite storylines ever, so it is nice to see it acknowledged in this book. As for the characters themselves, they all are pretty true to character, although they are probably closer to their portrayals in the cartoon than the comic books.
What keeps this simple story from working is the sheer amount of exposition that all of the characters utter in order to explain every single concept to potentially new readers. Sure it’s necessary for this promotion to work, but the way it is incorporated is so unnatural and dry that it’s hard to imagine what readers’ impressions of it might have been. Various members of the team take the time to explain the purpose of the Danger Room, Cerebro, the X-Men themselves, and their own powers to each other when this should already be common knowledge to every character in the room. There is even a forced scene where Beast projects images of the X-Men’s villains to highlight the number of people out to get the team. The pacing of the story would have been better served if these explanations were saved for narration boxes, or if the inside covers had some kind of index on them, as opposed to the poster that no true collector is going to rip out.
As for the main plot, it feels weak. The explanation that Cerebro is necessary for the X-Men to recruit new mutants doesn’t hold up very well, since new members rarely ever join; actually, the primary use of Cerebro has always been detecting villains so that the team can stop them. Also, Jean Grey uses her powers to flip a switch in the Danger Room that is literally right next to her—that just bothers me. Not only is this kind of silly, but also it’s the only significant thing Jean does in the entire story.
I’ve never heard of the artist before, but Wildman does a very nice job overall. For some reason he puts a lot of detail into the hair of characters that gives an interesting contrast to the traditional Marvel house style. His Sentinels are very menacing and the fight they have with Rogue and Gambit is nicely done, if brief. Overall, it’s not something that fans of the X-Men ever need to worry about finding since it doesn’t affect continuity in the slightest, nor does it bring anything new to the table.
C
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