Uncanny X-Men #346

Uncanny X-Men #346

Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: J. Jonah Jameson starts this story mid-rant about how the staff of the Bugle needs to work harder at uncovering the shady government dealings involved with Bastion and Operation Zero Tolerance.  Due to the lack of evidence presented on the government’s part, and the disappearance of reporter Nick Bandouveris in Uncanny #339, Jameson is set on nailing Bastion. 

The book jumps to Peter Parker, aka the Amazing Spider-Man, climbing a wall and worrying about whether the government will ever decide to hunt him down.  He happens upon the car of Henry Peter Gyrich, snaps some photos of the government official, and decides to follow him.  A shockwave destroys the road, and as Gyrich is pulled from his car, his bodyguards encounter Marrow and Calisto of the Morlocks.

In an interlude that contains an actual X-Man, Gambit is seen drinking from a pond and wondering aloud what happened to the rest of the X-Men after their spaceship crashed.  In the water’s reflection, Gambit sees what looks like a giant zebra staring back at him.

Back at the Bugle, Jameson is trying to get an official to comment on how Bastion rose to such a high position so quickly.  Bastion enters the office, offering Jameson a disk with the identities and operations of the X-Men on it, saying it will prove the necessity of his cause. 

Meanwhile, Calisto and Marrow are attacking Gyrich in response to OZT, and Spider-Man jumps in to save him.  Spider-Man stops Marrow from murdering Gyrich.  At the same time, Gyrich’s bodyguards transform into Prime Sentinels and shoot at Spidey and Marrow.  It’s briefly mentioned that these were the same guards assigned to Graydon Creed, but don’t worry because nothing ever comes of this.  Calisto jumps in between them, injuring herself in the process.  Over at the Bugle, Bastion continues to tempt Jameson with the story of a lifetime in exchange for backing off on OZT.

Spider-Man fights the Sentinels, all the time trying to make Marrow see why killing doesn’t solve anything.  The two are rescued by Gyrich and some policemen who shoot the Sentinels until they are subdued.  Marrow tries to kill Gyrich again, and Spidey stops her…again. Jameson burns up Bastion’s disk and tells him that he will be exposed.  Spidey tells Marrow to figure out what she has before she loses it all, and then lets her escape with the injured Calisto.  Gyrich tries to stop them, but Spidey tells him that Marrow learned something and deserves a second chance.

How It Was:  If you thought Flashback Month was weird, here we have an X-Men issue with no X-Men, starring Spider-Man and J. Jonah Jameson.  It’s such an odd choice since the regular cast of Uncanny is in space away from the events of the crossover, not to mention this is a Spider-Man story in an X-Men book.  It’s obvious that Lobdell is trying to wrap up the Jameson subplot that he started during the Graydon Creed election.  You know, the one he built up for a couple of issues before editorial decided to kill Creed off in an issue of X-Factor, leaving absolutely no payoff for all the X-Men issues spent focusing on it.  On top of that, Lobdell has the unenviable task of beginning to turn the character of Marrow, an unremorseful murderer, into a potential X-Man.

Despite the randomness of this issue, it has some strengths.  Seeing Madureira draw Spider-Man is a pleasure in it of itself; the character seems almost created for his cartoony kinetic art style.  Some of the interactions with Marrow and Spider-Man are really well-handled.  There’s a great reverse of expectations where Spider-Man pours his heart out about the tragedy that inspired him to become a hero, trying to reach her, and Marrow, whose life has been a thousand times more difficult than anything Parker has lived through, acts completely jaded and unsympathetic.  Having Marrow as a world-weary cynic is a neat angle, and one that is taken advantage of in her initial appearances as a reformed hero, but unfortunately dropped soon after. 

As for the rest, it’s not particularly gripping.  I’m still not really sure what Gyrich’s role is in OZT, what Calisto’s goal was (Marrow’s was obviously to kill some humans), or how the two mutants destroyed an entire street.  It’s disappointing to see the Sentinels dropped with gunfire after previously taking out half the X-Men.  I do like the idea that Gyrich’s bodyguards were the one’s guarding Creed when he died, but nothing ever comes of this, so it’s best to just ignore it.  And as bad as Calisto’s wounds are made out to be, she spends a lot of issues lying in a sewer without dying, so they can’t be too bad.

Jameson takes up the other half of this issue, and while I enjoy the idea of his arc, its execution comes down to nothing but a ton of dialogue.  I really like that in spite of the government finally cracking down on vigilantes (Jameson’s dream) he still takes the time to realize that the way in which it is being done is unconstitutional. It would probably ring a little truer if Jameson hadn’t lied about or tried to hunt down Spider-Man so many times.  As for the end, Jameson already told Bastion off in X-Men #57, so seeing him do it again isn’t a very satisfying conclusion to his storyline.

While it’s normal for characters to guest star in other heroes’ books, it’s just so strange to see one take over another book entirely, especially during a crossover that should be focusing on the eponymous heroes.  This actually has some moments that are going to be important down the line regarding Marrow, but a lot of this feels forced, unnecessary, and out of nowhere.  There is a lot of preaching going on here by both Jameson and Spider-Man in this issue, and a lot of it just feels redundant.

B-