Uncanny X-Men Annual #17

Uncanny X-Men Annual #17
Writer: Scott Lobdell
Art: Jason Pearson and Tom Grummet

What Went Down: We begin in a small Latin American village where former X-Factor villain Tower, from the “terrifying” Axis of Evil, is getting ready to molest a local waitress. However, he is prevented from victimizing the woman by new character the X-Cutioner (no relation to the X-Cutioner’s Song), who promptly kills him. He announces to the villagers that his shtick is to kill evil mutants that deserve killing—a Punisher for mutants if you will.

Suddenly the reader is thrust into an alternate world where Jean Grey is shopping for lingerie to impress her husband Scott while her son Nate browses the X-Men action figures. They are both attacked by a group of three Nimrod Sentinels who, like their namesake, act in a bumbling and stupid fashion. Fortunately they are saved by XSE members Bishop and his sister Shard. After the fight, the X-Men, led by Iceman—now called Icemaster, show up to bask in a group of fans. Bishop accuses Icemaster of turning the X-Men into a mockery, and Bobby responds by explaining how much better being adored by the public is than being feared. Jean’s husband Scott and their daughter Rachel show up, and the family decides to go see the X-Men movie while a shadowy figure with a cigarette smiles in the background.

After a transition, we find out that Jean, Iceman, and Bishop are unconscious in a hospital room with X-villain Mastermind. The rest of the Gold Team are debating what to do; Storm suggests that they need to rewatch the security tape of their arrival for clues, which really just serves to set up this story. Basically Jean received a letter from the very ill Mastermind asking her to visit him on Muir Island. The rest of the Gold Team tags along, despite Iceman’s insistence that it’s a trap. Jean, Iceman, and Bishop go in, and Mastermind takes over their minds with his illusion powers, hence the alternate world. Now the big problem is that Mastermind is dying, and if he dies then the three X-Men will also.

Back in the illusion world, Jean and Scott are having a romantic time together when a phoenix raptor attacks them. Their children Nate and Rachel, dressed as adorable versions of Phoenix and Cable, proceed to accuse the X-Men of being lousy parents to them and kill Scott. Jean destroys the illusion children and has a vision of Mastermind. Bishop meets up with Jean, and she remembers who she really is.

Back in the real world, the X-Cutioner is caught on camera before taking them out. Storm sends Colossus and Archangel to deal with him. Through internal monologue, we learn that the X-Cutioner is named Carl and he used to work for the FBI under Fred Duncan, an X-Men supporting character from the 60s. Duncan apparently spent his time stockpiling weapons of former X-Men villains, which comprise the entire arsenal of the X-Cutioner. Colossus knocks the villain off of a cliff by accident, but Archangel saves him, getting taken down in the process.

Meanwhile in the dream world, Iceman’s X-Men have turned on him, and Jean and Bishop are fighting to save him. Jean discovers the letter that brought them to Muir Island; after she reads it, the world fades to white.

Colossus fights with the X-Cutioner, but is taken down. Storm shows up to continue the fight. X-Cutioner surrounds himself with a force bubble, but Storm overwhelms it with lightning.

Mastermind reveals that he wanted to apologize for always fighting the X-Men, and that deep down he has always hated himself. His intention was to show the X-Men an ideal world, but because he is sick with the Legacy Virus he was unable to control it. As Mastermind starts to die, Jean sends Iceman and Bishop back to the physical world. Mastermind admits that Jean is the only woman he ever loved and apologizes for controlling her during the Dark Phoenix storyline. With the last of his strength, he hurls Jean back into the physical world so she won’t die with him.

Archangel goes on a tirade about how it is odd that Storm is so calm about killing a person, to which Storm replies that X-Cutioner had to have teleported since the lightning was focused around him, not focused on him. They contemplate the fate of the villain before Archangel discovers that Colossus has been seriously wounded by the alien weaponry.

What Else Went Down: This story takes place before Uncanny X-Men #299. Upstart member Trevor Fitzroy is shown sucking the life force out of an innocent bystander. He and his assistant Bantam need the energy to find a person that Fitzroy is looking for. Fitzroy uses the energy to revive Bantam, who is unconscious from reasons unknown. Together they travel to a police shootout in New Mexico where police have pinned down a mutant named Siena Blaze and her unnamed partner. Fitzroy sucks the energy out of the partner and uses it to open a portal for a train from the future to come out and kill the cops. On the train Siena Blaze sees herself from the future being hauled away to a prisoner work camp in the future. Fitzroy asks her to join the Upstarts and explains the rules about killing mutants for points. When asked how he knew where to find her, Fitzroy responds that in the future she told him.

How It Was: Well here we have our first victim of the Legacy Virus, before the virus even had a name. Sure Tower also dies, but nobody cares about that. Mastermind’s death turns out to make for a really, really great story. The idea of having X-Men trapped in his world of illusion is par for the course for a Mastermind story, but the added twist that he is dying adds a little originality to it. Plus the world is really wonderfully realized and Lobdell has a lot of fun with it. Whether it’s the Nimrods accidentally killing bystanders or all of the X-Men repeatedly telling Iceman how great he is, there are a lot of laugh out loud moments in this story, yet it still manages to have a serious side and stay true to the characters. Each member has to come to terms with a part of his or her past or present, whether it is Bishop’s guilt over the death of his sister, Jean’s guilt over not being a good parent to Cable and Phoenix, or Iceman’s guilt over not fulfilling his fullest potential as a mutant and super hero. It’s as faithful as it is entertaining, which is a good combination.

The X-Cutioner also makes for an interesting villain, at least initially; nothing great has really been done with the villain since, and as it stands he is one of those villains that just gets brushed off for a one or two issue arc every once in a while. The vigilante against mutants act is nothing new, but it does work to set him up against the no killing X-Men, and I still feel that there is an interesting origin story to tell. Plus, if you’re a huge X-Men fan then the throwback weapons from obscure villains are a nice touch. This thread is a little less successful since it involves Colossus still complaining about not being with his sister, and Archangel is rather whiny as well in this story. Lobdell also does a fantastic job of setting up Mastermind as a sympathetic character even though he has been torturing the X-Men since they were teenagers. Pearson’s art is rather cartoony, but the X-Men are all drawn proportional and there aren’t any profound liberties taken, other than that Archangel kind of resembles a skinny girl a little. And if child Cable and Rachel Summers don’t bring a smile to your face, then how can you call yourself an X-fan?

In contrast, the backup story is a complete failure on a number of levels, most having nothing to do with the creative team. Siena Blaze is presented as a person terrified of her powers and their consequences, which completely contradicts her behavior in X-Men Unlimited #1. Also, Fitzroy’s motivations are never explained whatsoever; he invites this girl to join the Upstarts, even though that means his chances for winning are now lessened. He mentions that he met her in the future, but the nature of their relationship is never revealed. The major problem with this story, as with all other Upstarts stories, is that the entire plotline is about to disappear from the X-Men books after the next arc in Uncanny X-Men #301-302 without anything getting resolved. Normally I’d deduct points because of a story this unnecessary and unfulfilling, but the primary story is so good that it is easy to overlook any story telling mistakes that might occur in the last section.

A

X-Men #23

Chronologically I have the Gambit mini-series after this.  So read this, then go here.

X-Men #23
Writer: Fabian Nicieza
Artist: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Cyclops starts off the issue by blasting a hole in Mr. Sinister’s midsection; however, Sinister is actually immune to Scott’s optic blasts, and his death after the Inferno Saga was just a ruse to allow him to lie low. But Sinister isn’t here to fight. He wants to tell Cyclops about the Legacy Virus that Stryfe created and Sinister accidentally unleashed at the end of the X-Cutioner’s Song. We also learn that Sinister’s head geneticist died of the virus. When asked why he is telling Cyclops this, Sinister slips that he wants to protect Cyclops and his “brothers,” before correcting himself, since at the time Cyclops only had one brother, Havok of X-Factor. Some people also speculate that Sinister himself was infected, but this is never confirmed. This is the beginning of the “third Summers brother” subplot that goes on and on until it is answered in a little over a decade in X-Men: Deadly Genesis. As they talk, the Dark Riders ambush the pair to test them.

At Nyorin’s residence, the X-Men have Nyorin and Silver Samurai restrained and are interrogating them. Nyorin reveals that both women are Betsy Braddock, in that they are both a mixture of Betsy and Kwannon’s attributes that somehow fused after they touched. Nyorin also tells the X-Men about the Upstarts and Shinobi Shaw.

Back in the states, Wolverine and Rogue are telling Xavier that they found evidence that Magneto is still alive in the Savage Land during Wolverine #70-71. Xavier doesn’t want to believe it. Wolverine gets angry—you can tell because he is drawn with his angry red eyes.

For the first, and only, time ever, Sinister and Cyclops team up to beat the Dark Riders. After they are beaten, Sinister tells them not to kill Scott Summers before teleporting away. The Dark Riders take this command literally by trying to cripple Cyclops instead.

Gambit and Beast surprise Shinobi Shaw while he is taking a bath with many beautiful women. They tell Shinobi that they know about the Upstarts and make a couple of jokes about his nudity. Outside, Matsuo attacks Psylocke and Revanche, but is soundly beaten within two pages.

Poor Cyclops has to take on the entire Dark Riders team by himself. After losing his glasses, Tusk hits him and then the team returns his glasses claiming that the test is complete. The Dark Rider Hardrive announces that Cyclops has passed and that he is worthy to face the coming storm. This is a lead into the Ascension of the High Lord—a battle between Apocalypse and Stryfe…that never happens and gets forgotten about after the next issue. The Dark Riders teleport away, leaving Cyclops all alone.

How It Was: My, this issue is more of a mixed bag than a bag of delicious Chex mix. Ouch, that was painful to read, but not as painful as the double Psylocke storyline. Nyorin fills in a couple of blanks that the readers have already guessed, Silver Samurai contributes absolutely nothing, and then Nicieza remembers that Matsuo has something to do with this story, so he has the villain appear in a weak two page attempt to kill the Psylocke twins. The part where Gambit and Beast barge in to intimidate Shinobi Shaw is pretty entertaining, but since the Upstarts story is about to completely disappear from the X-Men books, now it reads as completely worthless material.

On the other hand, the scenes with Sinister and Cyclops are really good. These scenes manage to maintain some tension since Sinister is obviously a threat, but Scott knows that if what he is saying is true about the Legacy Virus, all of mutantkind could be threatened. The Legacy Virus is a solid storyline that dragged on way too long for its own good before becoming an on again, off again focus of the X-books for the rest of the decade. The fight with the Dark Riders also works really well; those poor losers just can’t win one. However, once again these scenes just serve as set up for plot threads that get forgotten about. In fact, I think this may be the last time we see the Dark Riders anywhere in the X-Men titles. Oh well, at least the X-office did set up one storyline with this issue that actually gets resolved—the Magneto thread that obviously leads into the Fatal Attractions crossover—coming soon to Illegitimate Children of the Atom. So we have three plot lines that go somewhere and two that go nowhere, which is really not a great way to run a comic book.

B-

X-Men #22

X-Men #22
Writer: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Previously in X-Men: when we last left our heroes they were about to engage in combat with the Silver Samurai. In this issue, they do indeed fight the Silver Samurai…for about five pages before beating him. Also, Beast is better now after being cut across the back with a katana blade charged with energy. During the fight, the Samurai stabs the picture of Kwannon, and afterwards Gambit discovers that the picture is actually hiding Nyorin’s diary.

In Tokyo, Shinobi Shaw meets with Matsuo, Nyorin, and the apparent leader of the Japanese underworld Lord Tatsuo. Tatsuo knocks Shinobi on his bottom for being arrogant and overconfident.

Across the pond in Alaska, Cyclops has just finished telling his grandparents about the death of Madelyne Pryor, and how he was forced to send his son Nathan to the future to save him. The grandparents are appropriately dismayed and confused. Scott is in the middle of telling them about Cable when they are interrupted by the Summers’ neighbor Mike Milbury asking to borrow a chainsaw. Super X-Men fans will note that Milbury is an alias often used by X-villain Mr. Sinister; other x-fans will just note the depiction with the red diamond on Mike’s forehead.

Even though she claims to be the original Betsy Braddock, Revanche is the only one capable of reading the Japanese diary of Nyorin. Rather than read the diary out loud, she decides to stab Psylocke with her psychic sword, allowing her to learn the story in the scroll. This version states that Kwannon was supposed to be on a mission when she discovered Betsy Braddock’s unconscious body. When she touched the body, Kwannon and Betsy’s minds merged for a bit. Kwannon than ran off to Matsuo while Betsy was found by Nyorin and aided so that she could bring back the woman he loves, Kwannon. Revanche is still sticking to the story that Psylocke is an impersonator.

The Gamemaster appears to Shinobi and Matsuo to basically explain that he is letting Matsuo kill Psylocke because he feels like it. The two Psylockes prepare to fight each other again, but Lord Nyorin and Silver Samurai interrupt them. Nyorin claims that both women are who they claim to be. Back in Alaska, Mr. Sinister confronts Cyclops outside in an ominous fashion.

How It Was: What a long story this turned out to be. Everything is basically the same as last issue. The two Betsys are threatening to beat each other up, Gambit and Beast somewhat humorously interject, and Cyclops is sad while with his grandparents. The fight between Silver Samurai and the X-Men is a nice distraction for a couple of pages, but ultimately just serves as a distraction to string out the plot. There is no real tension since he is outnumbered and dispatched fairly quickly.

But the major flaw with this story is Nyorin’s diary. First of all it reveals a brief, boring story with no twists that Nyorin couldn’t possibly know anyway; second, in about ten issues this story gets retconned and the diary is written off as a red herring left by Nyorin to confuse the girls. Add to that some meaningless scenes with Shinobi Shaw and the criminals of Tokyo, and you get one dull issue. At least the introduction of Sinister promises something potentially interesting, which it delivers.

Also, what really bothers me is all the characters getting summarily defeated, then showing up later in the same scene perfectly healthy. This happens to both Silver Samurai and Beast, who should both be out of commission for the rest of the story if Nicieza didn’t just have them waking up when they’re needed. Granted Nicieza had a difficult mandate for this story, but that doesn’t excuse this.

D+

X-Men #21

X-Men #21
Writer: Fabian Nicieza
Artist: Brandon Peterson

What Went Down: We open on an awesome page spread of Wolverine’s claws pinning Psylocke’s head to the wall. She is asked whether she is really a spy for Lord Nyorin, an accusation that she refuses to acknowledge. Surprisingly, most of the X-Men believe that Revanche might be telling the truth, despite her having no proof other than her body. Psylocke doesn’t help her case by refusing to be scanned telepathically, although she claims that is because she is tired of being violated after her experiences with Mojo and Slayback; this is also meant to explain her more aggressive attitude in the X-books. Wolverine tells Xavier that neither of the Betsys is lying or telling the whole truth; since Revanche knows Ninja moves that only Psylocke/Kwannon should know, there is reason to doubt her story as well. Xavier decides that the team needs to go to Japan.

Up north in Alaska, Cyclops’ plane arrives at the airport, and his grandparents Phillip and Deborah Summers arrive to pick him up. After arriving at the cabin, Scott announces that he is going to tell his grandparents the truth about the deaths of his wife and child.

Slightly less north, in Seattle, Mesmero is being chased by the Dark Riders. Mesmero is able to hypnotize one of the riders, Psynapse, but he is killed by another member (actually years later he turns up alive, claiming that he hypnotized the Dark Riders to make them think he was dead). The remaining Dark Riders kill Psynapse, believing he is unfit because he is sick. Actually, he is supposed to be another mutant infected with the Legacy Virus.

Jumping around the globe again, this time to Tokyo, Lord Nyorin visits a drunken Shinobi Shaw. Shaw makes a deal that he will petition to reinstate Clan Yashida (the clan formerly run by Wolverine’s deceased girlfriend Mariko) if he receives help killing the X-Men.

Outside the Nyorin Estate, Gambit, Beast, and the two Betsys are sneaking in—Wolverine decided not to go because the memory of Mariko Yashida’s death is too fresh, so he goes off to the Savage Land with Rogue and Jubilee in Wolverine #70-71. The group in Japan is attacked by ninjas, which they easily defeat. Afterwards they discover a painting depicting Psylocke with two swords called “Kwannon in Repose.” Back at Shaw’s Tokyo estate, Shaw learns that Matsuo Tsuryaba has petitioned the Gamemaster to have Psylocke spared. Shaw is angry but agrees there is nothing he can do.

Back at Nyorin’s, Psylocke is getting ready to attack Revanche again when the Silver Samurai sneaks up on the Beast and slashes him in the back. He reveals that he must kill the X-Men for the sake of Clan Yashida.

How It Was: More Betsy Braddock battling. Alliteration aside, this story is amounting to be less than spectacular. Psylocke is really angry, understandably, because none of her friends are taking her side. At the same time, the rest of the X-Men have nothing better to do except for question who is telling the truth and yelling at the two to stop fighting. Even Gambit and Beast seem fed up with this storyline, focused more on getting the job done than uncovering the truth.

The other subplots don’t fair well either. The Cyclops thread is completely standard as all he does is go on to do what he said he was going to last issue. The Dark Riders subplot is actually really interesting, revolving around the Riders testing characters to see if they are worthy and killing the ones who are not. Unfortunately this entire subplot gets dropped after the next four issues and is never brought up again, so the “death” of Mesmero really happens for no reason. Matsuo’s machinations really make no sense in this initial version of the origin of Psylocke/Revanche; the later version clears up this inconsistency, but it is hard to rectify it at this point.

Peterson is filling in on art and it looks decent for the most part. The ninja fighting scenes, as well as the Mesmero chase scene, are all very nicely organized and depicted. However, his Revanche doesn’t look as good as Andy Kubert’s, and once again some of his characters look stiff and robot-like, particularly the panels with the drunken Shinobi Shaw. And there is definitely a problem when Shinobi Shaw is trying to kill Matsuo, and it is impossible to tell one character from the other.

This story continues to chug along at an all right pace. Because most of this story is retconned later, and it was never really that exciting to begin with, it’s hard to recommend this book to anybody other than X-completists.

D+

X-Men #20

X-Men #20
Writer: Fabian Nicieza
Artist: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Professor X is in his war room watching a reenactment of the events of the last three issues. Jubilee is with him, and he asks how she feels about the deaths of Colossus’ parents. She gives a cynical response and flees to check on Illyana before Xavier can follow up. Xavier checks in with Colossus; at this point everybody thinks Illyana might have strep throat, but really she has been infected with the Legacy Virus. Jubilee once again leaves before her feelings can overwhelm her and bumps into Psylocke who is dressed seductively and looking for Cyclops.

As it happens, Cyclops is down in the garage working on the Blackbird. Psylocke surprises him, and he clumsily slips and stumbles into her, knocking them both to the ground. As he stammers an apology, Psylocke licks some motor oil off of Scott and then kisses him. Cyclops pushes her away just in time to avoid being seen by his girlfriend Jean Grey. Scott leaves in a hurry, making Jean even more suspicious of Betsy.

Outside, Jubilee finds Wolverine chopping up trees; he is thinking about all the losses that the X-Men have suffered in the past couple of months. His meditation is interrupted by a strange scent, but he brushes it off as just being Psylocke.

Jean watches Beast and Gambit in the Danger Room and wonders if Beast feels that he has outgrown being an X-Man. Jean then checks on Rogue, who is having her vision tested by Storm; Rogue is now able to see again, but she is sensitive to light.

Cyclops packs a suitcase and decides to visit his grandparents in Alaska to tell them about his former wife Madelyne and his son Nathan, both of whom are dead. Storm cautions Cyclops not to run away from his relationship problems like she did with Forge. Jean watches him leave, then asks the computer to detect Psylocke; the computer has two locations, but Jean ignores the second.

In the Danger Room, Jean asks Psylocke whether she is having an affair with Cyclops. Psylocke answers by stabbing Jean with her psychic knife. According to the narration, this act showed Jean the reason Betsy was behaving this way, and then made her forget it; as ridiculous as this sounds, this point does come back up in later issues.

The former body of Betsy Braddock, Revanche, confronts Psylocke; Psylocke thinks it is a Danger Room program at first, until it calls her Kwannon and attacks her. The rest of the X-Men burst in, and Revanche accuses Psylocke of being an imposter.

How It Was: Well finally we are getting to the bottom of a couple of these mysteries, and finally subplots that have been going on for far too long are being resolved. Rogue gets her sight back, which is welcome indeed, and the Psylocke trying to sleep with Cyclops thread is finally getting put to an end. Unfortunately, we are also getting to the period of X-continuity with Revanche in it, and there are a lot of reasons to be unhappy with that.

During Claremont’s run, Psylocke’s originally British body was switched with a Japanese one after she went through the Siege Perilous, an annoying plot device that randomly manipulates characters for the sake of new story directions; this isn’t the last time the Siege Perilous screws with Psylocke either, but that is another story. Anyways, this is the story that explains what happened to Psylocke, except that in about nine or so issues it gets revised and completely changed around. Psylocke herself is really not interesting from a character standpoint; from the perspective of the artist, she is a lot more interesting. Not only does she not have a fully developed personality like the other members of the group, her powers are redundant on a team that already has two really powerful telepaths. So for nine issues we get stuck with two Psylockes on the X-Men, but the second one, Revanche, doesn’t really have a lot of personality to her, either.

There are, however, quite a few nice character moments. Professor X and Jubilee build on their father/daughter relationship set up in Uncanny #297 as she tries to act mature and hide from her feelings. Jean also has some great moments of confusion and frustration as she finally confronts Psylocke. The stuff with Beast and Cyclops is slightly less compelling. It is also unfortunate that the deaths of Colossus’ parents have been glossed over.

Art is good; the opening flashback to the previous story arc is nice and somber, while the details on the computers are very intricate. Also Revanche’s armor looks really nice and the scenes in the Danger Room with ninjas and robots have a nice sense of motion and action to them. Still, there are those phantom dust clouds as Jubilee roller blades on the metal floor, as well as when Revanche confronts Psylocke in the Danger Room. Either the X-Men need to hire a housekeeper or 1990s Kubert needs to observe what actually happens when people walk in a room. This is a necessary issue, but I can’t really enjoy it knowing that it is the start of one of my least favorite stories.

C+

X-Men Unlimited #1

X-Men Unlimited #1
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Chris Bachalo

Once upon a time the X-Men titles were easily Marvel’s bestselling books. With two ongoing titles selling well, the House of Ideas figured that three ongoing titles would sell even better. So began X-Men Unlimited, a bi-monthly anthology title to add to the exploits of the other two titles. X-Men Unlimited was a place for stories that writers wanted to tell, but might not have space for in the monthly titles. Initially the title was a success because it dealt with stories that were relevant to what was going on in the other titles (such as the revelation that Mystique was Nightcrawler’s mother or Sabretooth joining the X-Men), but eventually the stories started drifting to obscure character spotlights and day in the life stories of the X-Men that really didn’t have any impact on the characters or continuity. I never followed the series per se, but I figured I’d include the first issue since it loosely ties into what I’ve been discussing. Plus it’s good to mention the title since it was important at the time.

What Went Down: The story starts in media res with Cyclops crawling out of the wrecked Blackbird in the middle of the Antarctic; he has to keep his eyes closed since he has lost his visor. By mentally calling out, he is able to find Professor X, who in turn is able to find Storm. Storm is upset because the balance of nature has been disrupted.

Elsewhere, the villain of the story, Siena Blaze, is walking back to an outpost provided to her by the Upstarts; she is the mutant Fitzroy wanted to join that was mentioned in Uncanny X-Men #299. Inside there are a number of paid scientists monitoring the results of Siena’s attack. Unfortunately for them, they cannot tell if the X-Men are dead because Siena Blaze’s power disrupts their sensors. The Gamemaster beams down to let her know that they are still alive, and Siena uses her powers to blow up the outpost and kill the scientists. We learn that every time she uses her powers, Siena Blaze risks disrupting the E.M. spectrum and destroying the planet. Obviously, this doesn’t happen in this story.

At the mansion, Bishop and Psylocke are worried about the others. In the downed plane, the events leading up to the crash are mentally replayed by the Professor in a clunky bit of exposition. The X-Men were visiting Ka-Zar, Shanna, and their baby Michael in the Savage Land on a trip to get vibranium to power their cloaking device. On the way home they were shot out of the sky and had to cut the ship in half to save it. Storm tries to control the weather outside, but she is overwhelmed by the unnatural storm. Because her power tries to compensate for climate extremes, Storm’s skin is burning in response to the super blizzard; Xavier uses his powers to help her, despite the concussion he suffered.

Then an awkward scene occurs where Cyclops is physically unable to call Professor X Charles, although I am pretty sure it has already happened before in a previous book. Bishop and Psylocke rush off to Antarctica in the spare jet, but they cannot get past the wall of electro-magnetic flux. Meanwhile, Cyclops is able to make an eyepatch out of a broken piece of ruby quartz.

In the morning, Cyclops and Storm discover that the Professor has taken an ATV outside to search for help. Xavier has discovered a citadel, but his ATV dies before he can reach it. This means that Xavier has no choice but to start crawling in the snow.

Siena Blaze attacks Cyclops and Storm, and the two heroes are too tired to put up a fight. Siena is winning until it is revealed that the fight was an illusion created by Professor X. The X-Men fight back, but instead of surrendering, Siena uses her powers to create a vacuum by destroying a chunk of the E.M. field. Storm uses her power to carry the Blackbird’s escape pod out of range until Bishop and Psylocke can rescue them. Finally safe, Xavier reveals that he was rescued by an unknown individual who carried him to the shelter and provided him with transportation. This individual turns out later to be Magneto, even though the point is almost forgotten about.

How It Was: This story does seem tailor made toward Scott Lobdell’s strengths. Since the story is really the characters against nature, that leaves plenty of room for Lobdell to explore the characters’ reactions and desperation. He does succeed in setting a hopeless tone, even though we all know that these characters are never going to die, and he does a good job of presenting situations and conflicts that feel original. Storm’s reaction to the disruption of the planet, Cyclops’ helplessness and frustration, and Xavier’s candor and self sacrifice all feel genuine to the characters and the situation. On the other hand, Cyclops’ inability to simply call the professor Charles is really silly and not as cute as Lobdell thinks.

If this story was about half as long, and it was just about the X-Men crashing in a blizzard, it would be okay. Unfortunately this issue deals with Siena Blaze, who is a little bit of a mess of a character. Her power is just plain ridiculous because even though it is supposed to potentially destroy the planet, Marvel is never going to let that happen, so why bring it up? Second, her motivations are all very vague and even her reason for being an Upstart is never cleared up. She doesn’t care if her powers destroy the Earth, but she wants to achieve immortality through the Upstarts; how does that make sense? Also, we never learn why Fitzroy wanted her to join, so really it’s best not to think too hard about this character as she never appears in X-Men or Uncanny X-Men, except for an Annual back story that predates this issue.

Bachalo’s art works very well for this issue. His snowy wasteland is very detailed and the sequence where the jet is crashing is particularly excellent. The only part it struggles with is a panel depicting the mansion that looks like it is located in the Savannah. This is a very inauspicious debut for the title. It’s nothing to write home about, but there are a few nice moments in what is essentially a forgettable setup to yet another story that never took place.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #300

Uncanny X-Men #300
Writer: Scott Lobdell
Art: John Romita Jr. and Brandon Peterson

What Went Down: Surprisingly, we begin with a one page splash of Nightcrawler teleporting in. Even though at this point he is the leader of Excalibur, Professor X urgently contacts him to meet the team in France, presumably because he is a fan favorite character.

Right off the bat, Nightcrawler is attacked by Forge, but easily dodges the attack, proving to Forge that Kurt is who he says he is. Forge is paranoid since the bad guys have the ability to block Cerebro, so he gives Nightcrawler a device the X-Men will need to find them. Forge then leaves in a huff, mostly because he is angry at the other X-Men, mostly Storm.

Across town, the Gold Team, plus Cyclops and Wolverine, are searching the flaming MacTaggart estate to confirm that Moira is not in it. A mob of people show up, angry about an incident that occurred in Uncanny X-Men #200, but Xavier makes the mob think they left with his powers. This makes members of the team uneasy.

There’s a brief flashback depicting Charles showing Moira the prospective candidates for his first and second classes of X-Men during a picnic. This turns out to be an effect of the Acolyte Milan, who has the power to project people’s memories onto TV screens. Thrilling. Amelia Voght is introduced, who can teleport, and is questioning Cortez’s reasoning for keeping Moira alive after abducting her. Cortez wants Moira interrogated so he can attain the mind control serum that Magneto used on the X-Men in X-Men #1-3. Unfortunately for him, Moira also knows that Cortez is responsible for Magneto’s death, which could make things difficult for the current Acolyte leader. A young Acolyte named Neophyte shows compassion to Moira by bringing her food. The X-Men meet up with Nightcrawler.

In the Blackbird, after talking to Stevie Hunter, Colossus is whining about not being able to be with his sister. When Iceman tries to empathize, Peter rejects his feelings, pissing Bobby off.

Meanwhile, Moira tells Neophyte that Cortez killed Magneto as Bishop leads the X-Men to the Acolyte hideout. While Cortez talks to the Gamemaster about the Upstarts game, Neophyte “morphs” into the room (later his power is just referred to as phasing, like Kitty Pryde) and discovers the truth about Cortez. After being attacked by Cortez, a human woman tries to help Neophyte, but she is killed by more Acolytes.

The X-Men save Neophyte, then burst in to save Moira. A large fight ensues. The X-Men win, and Xavier discovers Amelia worshiping Magneto’s helmet. Their conversation also reveals that they have a history together, and she blames humans for the deaths of her loved ones.

Bishop catches up with Cortez, who uses his power to overwhelm Bishop with energy. Before Cortez can kill Bishop, Neophyte intervenes to save the X-Man. Wolverine stabs Cortez, and Neophyte rejects an offer to join the X-Men.

What Else Went Down: During the epilogue that takes place weeks later, Amelia teleports the injured Cortez to a new hideout. She seems unconcerned with Cortez’s attitude, causing him to worry whether she has discovered the truth about Magneto or not. The Gamemaster calls to let Cortez know that he lost all of his points. The reason, we later find out, is that Magneto is not dead at all.

At the mansion, Moira and Xavier are analyzing the virus Moira encountered in X-Factor. This is the beginning of the Legacy Virus storyline, which is about a virus that kills mutants, has no cure, and was set loose by Stryfe. As the two scientists discuss the severity of this virus, Colossus is tucking his sick sister Illyana into bed, implying to the reader that she has been infected with the fatal virus.

How It Was: Well it’s issue 300, so we get a double sized story and a shiny cardboard cover. Whoopee. Double-sized means a whole lot more space to fill, and fill it they do. Where to start? First off, this comic is overflowing with characters. We have the gold team, Wolverine, Cyclops, for absolutely no reason Nightcrawler, Forge for a second, plus about a dozen Acolytes. Of the Acolytes, two have distinctive personalities, and one of those is an idiot who can’t understand how humans can be nice. The rest of the poor Acolytes don’t have a single personality to share between themselves.

Nightcrawler’s inclusion should be exciting, but his purpose in the story is to literally stand around and wait for the X-Men to get there and give them something to further the story. As for the rest, Forge is acting crazy, Storm is complaining about Cyclops leading her team, and Iceman takes Colossus’ distraught attitude over his sister personally. None of it is really deep or interesting, and the heroes take far too long to find the bad guys. Stupid double pages.

Also there are a couple of inconsistencies. There is a brief mention of Milan destroying Moira’s memories by destroying the console, but nothing comes of it. Why does Cortez want the formula to Moira’s mind control serum when it doesn’t work very well, as seen in X-Men #1-3? And why is Stevie Hunter taking care of Illyana; what possible purpose does she have to still be hanging out with the X-Men?

Things pick up towards the end as the fighting is suitably flashy and has its moments (Jean throwing an Acolyte into the next time zone, Iceman crushing an Acolyte right behind Wolverine with a huge block of ice). I also like Cortez’s character and his attempts to manipulate his followers while being terrified that they might find out the truth. He’s a great weasel. Plus, there are some major revelations at the end of the issue that will drive this title for months to come.

The art is fantastic. John Romita Jr. joins the X-office and draws an impressive issue. Even the pages where the X-Men are looking through an empty flaming building are impressive to look at. My only regret with Romita is that he has a tendency to draw pages sideways so that you have to tilt the comic to read the panels; it annoys me to no end. This is an issue that could be cut in half and not suffer one bit. There is so much that is unnecessary that it really takes away from the better parts of this issue.

B-