Happy Christmas Eve Eve

Sorry about the lack of posts, but you know how busy the holidays can be.  Plus, I got Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions for my birthday, and I beat it in like three days.  So I'll try to post at least once more before leaving town this week.  Also some exciting news: I have entered my first foray into online comic purchases to fill in some of the gaps in my collection.  So coming next year from Illegitimate Children of the Atom I will be filling some of the missing issue reviews such as: the rest of the unnamed Ghost Rider crossover, the last issue of the Shattershot storyline, the resolution to the captured X-Men being held by the Phalanx, and maybe if I'm feeling extra productive, The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix and the first Gambit mini-series (I've had nothing but issue #1 for years).  Thrilling, I know.  But I must admit that I am eager to read all of these issues for the first time, as long as the site doesn't lose my order or rip me off.  So hopefully I'll post once more before my break, but if I don't I hope all you true believers enjoy the Holiday Season.

X-Men #37

X-Men #37
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: The next generation of mutants start out this issue with Clarice getting captured by Harvest and the Phalanx. Clarice uses her power to escape, and Monet punches the crap out of the bad guys. Too bad for our heroes that the bad guys just reform afterwards.

In the water below the boat, Banshee and Everett climb up the anchor chain to rescue the children. Inside the boat, Emma and Jubilee have somehow found their way inside, where they fight Phalanx infected rats and discuss Jubilee’s fears about her powers.

When all seems lost for the young mutants, they are saved in the nick of time by …Sabretooth? Yes Sabretooth takes the time to track down the Phalanx base and help rescue the children. Banshee and Everett join in, and together they annihilate Harvest for the second time.

Sabretooth refuses to explain how or why he came back to save the children. The heroes discuss how best to help Paige, who has been infected by the Phalanx, when Sabretooth takes it upon himself to tear her skin off. Luckily, her mutant power turns out to be the ability to shed her top layer of skin to reveal a different material, in this case metal skin. Harvest then returns for a third time to try to kill everyone.

As Emma tries to escape with the kids, they discover the bodies of some people and a dog absorbed by the Phalanx. This inspires Clarice to stop running and stand up to Harvest. Using her powers she tears Harvest apart, but for some reason she gets caught in the effect herself. So Clarice dies and the X-Men’s victory comes at the tragic cost of a character that was two issues old.

How It Was: Nicieza sets up a climactic battle to end the crossover, and it succeeds in feeling like a final, brutal story ending fight. The problem is that the final baddie is too powerful, and it makes for an uneven final chapter. The Phalanx, and Harvest in particular, are all shallow characters with little motivation or personality. They’re supposed to be unbeatable, which is good for setting up adversity for the heroes, but they’re so unbeatable that the fight doesn’t make sense. There is a difference between creating a novel challenge for the heroes and having the bad guy come back over and over again with no logic or reason behind it. And why does Clarice have to die to defeat the bad guy?  Why can't she use her powers like she did in part 3?

The reason of course is because the writer wants to get a cheap emotional ending without having really earned it; Clarice wasn’t really developed enough to care about, but that hasn’t stopped her from becoming very popular. This is mostly due to her return in Age of Apocalypse, which occurred four months after this book came out. It’s a much more successful take on the character whose only real purpose was to make the end of this story kind of sad.

Sabretooth’s return makes for an intriguing mystery of his allegiance. Unfortunately it is later forgotten, and Creed just says he was only pretending to be good even though there was no real reason behind it. The reveal of Paige’s power is well done, though.

This is an underwhelming conclusion with awful villains and some under-developed new characters. Plus there isn’t really any resolution at all to the question of where the X-Men have been taken to (that occurs in Wolverine and Cable of all places). It’s an epic finale, just not a very good epic finale.

C-

Uncanny X-Men #317

Uncanny X-Men #317
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Paige Guthrie wakes up to find herself a prisoner of the Phalanx, along with four other mutants: Monet, Clarice, Angelo, and Gregor. Angelo’s really negative and stretchy, Clarice cries a lot, Gregor is kind of hokey, and Monet just sits there. Paige is certain that the X-Men will come to rescue them all. Clarice points out that Paige has been infected with some kind of trans-mode virus, even though it appears on the outside of her clothes.

In San Francisco, Emma, Banshee, Jubilee, and Everett arrive at one of Emma’s luxurious town homes. Banshee lets Emma know that he doesn’t trust her and then destroys a number of targeting devices outside the house. Inside the absurdly large living area, Emma shows Banshee their next objective: a SHIELD safehouse in the San Francisco area.

Back in the Phalanx prison, Angelo tries to cheer Paige up. A member of the Phalanx named Harvest visits the captives and threatens all of them. Clarice uses her powers of teleportation to start to pull Harvest apart, but Gregor stops her because he is worried that she might be hurt. Harvest teleports away.

On what appears to be the Golden Gate Bridge, Jubilee talks with Everett about how worthless she feels for not being more adept with her powers, especially after Everett used them so effectively last issue. She is also fed up with all of the suffering that comes with the role of X-Man, even though she loves everyone on the team.

At the SHIELD base, Emma uses her powers to hide them from sight, while Banshee uses his powers to… errr hide them from the cameras somehow. In the prison, Monet takes the time to actually talk. She explains that she has manipulated her clothes, which are techno organic, into a weapon that can hide them from detection. She also kills Gregor because he was really a Phalanx spy.

Emma and Banshee find a techno organic reading using the SHIELD computers, but the agents discover them because Emma’s powers didn’t hide the rain puddles they brought in with them. Emma threatens the agents, but Banshee knocks them out first. Emma claims she was bluffing.

Monet uses her super strength to bust a hole in the prison and escape. Paige suggests that she should stay behind because she is infected, but Monet forces her to come with them. The group discovers that they are in the middle of the ocean on a giant boat.

How It Was: Alright then. We finally get a little bit of personality from the next generation of mutants. Angelo, the future Skin, is a pessimistic bastard. While most hideous characters like Beast or the Thing keep they’re regrets and sadness to themselves, Angelo is immature and allows it to taint his attitude and interactions; it actually comes off as fresh in a world of stoic comic book heroes, but it’s not necessarily fun to read. The rest of the characters aren’t nearly as interesting, but that’s okay because Lobdell ideally wants to save that development for the main Generation X series. The reveal of Gregor as a spy is well handled, although once again a little predictable due to his odd behavior.

Jubilee probably gets the most development in the brief scenes she appears in. Selling audiences on Jubilee wanting to leave the X-Men wasn’t an easy mandate, but I think Lobdell makes a compelling argument here. It is strange that the two characters go all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge to have their conversation, but oh well; meanwhile, Everett continues to be quiet and boring.

The plotline with Emma and Sean infiltrating SHIELD seems like a needless detour to pad out the story. If Emma has enough technology to find a top secret facility, why can’t she find the Phalanx ship as well? Shouldn’t they tell SHIELD about the Phalanx? And can’t Banshee just ask for their help, since they’re obviously aware of who is?

The art is pretty good, but for some reason Joe Mad has made Everett and Gregor’s bodies really over muscled. Everett’s girth might be a side effect of absorbing Sabretooth’s powers, but it still looks really weird. The layout of Emma’s home and the effects of Clarice’s powers on Harvest serve as stand out moments for the art. The spotlight on the young mutants isn’t great, and it leads to some stalling on the part of the heroes outside.

C+

X-Men #36

X-Men #36
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: This issue starts with a prologue involving Monet being experimented on by the Phalanx members Stephen Lang and Cameron Hodge, both former enemies of the X-Men. It turns out that the Phalanx can’t assimilate mutants yet, so they are trying to find out how. Monet still hasn’t said or done anything since being captured. Hodge explains that they will eliminate the threat of mutants by absorbing all of humanity or killing all the mutants. Lang wonders if he has crossed a line.

We then get an opportunity to meet another new mutant and future member of Generation X. This time it is Everett K. Thomas, who is currently surrounded by a lot of police officers. The police are concerned because Everett has just shown signs of being a mutant by screaming and shattering all of the windows on the block. The boy tries to explain that a creature attacked him and it was just a reaction, but the cops don’t believe him until half of the cops reveal themselves as members of the Phalanx.

The Phalanx move in to capture Everett, but some of them are attacked by a sonic scream. Everett explains that because of his mutant power he was able to synch his body with Banshee’s. Anyways, Banshee and Sabretooth make short work of the Phalanx and escape before they can heal.

Elsewhere in the city, Jubilee argues with Emma over her teaching style with the Hellions. Of course members of the Phalanx, disguised as everyday civilians, also attack them.

All the way in Kentucky at the Guthrie household, Mama Guthrie is being attacked by a member of the Phalanx while her daughter Paige tries to save her. This turns out to be a trap as Paige, the actual target, is then captured for being a mutant.

Back in the city, Emma and Jubilee are pursued by the Phalanx. Since Emma’s telepathic powers are no longer effective, they are pretty much screwed until Banshee and Sabretooth show up. These Phalanx actually overwhelm the two X-Men, but Everett is able to save the day by synching with Jubilee’s powers and blowing up the bad guys. Before dying, one of the Phalanx turns into Stephen Lang and reveals that Sara Grey, Jean’s sister who had been missing since the early days of X-Factor, had actually been captured by the Phalanx, but was somehow able to retain her personality. He also reveals that they have captured Paige Guthrie.

After the Phalanx dies, Emma reveals that she was able to get a brief glimpse at the girl’s location. Then everybody realizes that Sabretooth has escaped because Banshee’s wrist detonator was damaged in the fight.

How It Was: Well we get to meet two more members of Generation X, and neither one is really super exciting at this point. Everett is a nice young boy who is on personal terms with the local cops in his neighborhood and has the ability to steal powers (like Rogue, but without the touching), even though they have to complicate it by calling it “synching” for his future codename to make sense. And Paige is southern, feisty, and heroic, so basically she is her brother Cannonball, but a girl. Don’t worry, they’ll all develop personalities later once they get into their own title. I promise.

As for the rest of the issue, it is more fighting the Phalanx. And because the Phalanx are supposed to adapt to mutant powers, Nicieza has to keep coming up with ways to defeat them. While this issue doesn’t necessarily focus on them, I’d say that Emma and Jubilee get the more interesting character moments this issue. I do like the set up of Jubilee not trusting Emma at all, both because of her past as a villain and the fate of the Hellions. Emma also gets some nice moments to be dry and snarky, which is always fun to read.

The majority of this issue is just exposition. The Phalanx explain their plans, Everett has to explain himself and his powers, Jubilee explains Emma’s past. It’s all necessary to understanding the characters and plot, but it can get tedious at times. And the reveal at the end of Sara Grey being forced to join the Phalanx comes completely out of left field. First off, we’re talking about the resolution to a five or six year old plot line that has no greater effect on this story, and one that most readers have probably forgotten. And second, Jean isn’t there, so the moment doesn’t have any emotional resonance at all. Nobody present really cares that much about Jean’s sister, and the whole thing is pretty much forgotten, except for a small moment in a couple of issues where Jean reflects about finding out the news. Then again, the cliffhanger at the end with Sabretooth escaping is really good.

So this issue isn’t quite as good as the first since there is less emphasis on character and more on the villains, who are still boring.

B-

Uncanny X-Men #316

Uncanny X-Men #316
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: We are introduced to a young girl named Monet St. Croix and her bodyguard Colonel Cord-Becker, a husky English female, both of whom are traveling in a limo. Monet doesn’t move or speak due to some trauma involving her siblings. A member of the Phalanx attacks the limo; he assimilates the limo, driver, and bodyguard, and captures Monet.

Over at the mansion, Banshee is talking to Emma Frost because she is concerned that something is wrong with the X-Men. Before she can elaborate, Iceman and Storm put up a sonic disruptor to silence her. Banshee wonders if Iceman and Storm might be holding a grudge against the former White Queen, but they dismiss it.

Scott and Jean phone the mansion, and Banshee answers it. They explain that they have information about the Legacy Virus that the Professor needs, so Sean sends them to Muir Isle where Xavier is busy hanging out with Moira and Excalibur. Archangel bursts in and uncharacteristically yells at Banshee for answering the call when he is not a full X-Man. This makes Banshee feel like he has lost touch with the X-Men, but he suspects something more is up when he is able to spy on Psylocke walking out of the War Room.

Inside the War Room, Gambit and Bishop are dismantling various computers, explaining that they are upgrading them. Banshee checks a computer and discovers that none of the X-Men are in the building other than himself, Jubilee, Emma Frost, and Sabretooth. The other X-Men are imposters!

Returning to the Communications Room, Banshee hopes to send a message to Xavier, but he finds that the whole room has been dismantled impossibly quickly. Beast questions his reason for being in the room, but Banshee gives him an excuse. He then goes to free Sabretooth, who is being guarded by the Rogue imposter. Using a sonic scream, he discovers the imposter is a member of the Phalanx. After waking up, Sabretooth takes the time to kill the remains of the Phalanx entity.

Sending Sabretooth to rescue Jubilee and Emma, because he has a remote to a detonator located on Creed’s muzzle, Banshee grabs a gun and attacks the Gambit and Bishop imposters in the war room. Sean finds out that the Phalanx are using Cerebro to find young mutants to experiment on. He then sets the self-destruct and escapes in the nick of time. Banshee then vows that he will find the new mutants before the Phalanx can.

How It Was: Welcome to the next big X-Men crossover. This one is a little odd because the X-Men have all been captured, or they’re off doing other things, so the X-Men titles don’t feature a lot of X-Men or even the resolution of this story. Instead, these X-issues serve as set up for the upcoming series Generation X, basically a New Mutants style “young generation of mutants being trained”. And it is no coincidence that three of the stars of this crossover are also going to be the stars of the new series. But it’s still an important crossover, as signified by the shiny cardboard cover.

As for the story this issue, it is pretty good even though the cover completely spoils the twist that all the X-Men have been replaced by Phalanx. Primarily this issue serves as a reintroduction for Banshee, who hasn’t been in the spotlight in ages.  It does a great job of fleshing him out, showing him off as the hero, and setting up his feelings that lead to his joining Gen-X. His feelings of distance from the team are perfectly natural, since he hasn’t done anything important in about three years, and the issue also manages to find room for his feelings about his past, Moira, and other aspects of his history that also haven’t been touched on in years. The fake X-Men come off as a little obvious, but Lobdell’s script does a good job at playing off of Banshee’s own insecurities as to why he doesn’t figure it out sooner. While you don’t ever believe that they are the real X-Men, you do believe how Banshee could think they are.

Also exciting is Sabretooth actually getting to do something other than sit in his cell and act menacing. Granted he just starred in the annual and the flashback in X-Men #33, but this feels a lot more substantial. The really neat thing is the dynamic that Banshee can’t really trust his team, since Emma and Sabretooth are former villains and Jubilee is absolutely worthless. This actual tension makes up for the fact that the Phalanx are one-dimensional villains that aren’t really interesting,but they are fun to look at due to Joe Mad’s awesome art style.

You could also criticize some of the story elements since they fail to stand up to logic, but they are necessary for the story to work. If the Phalanx could capture all of the X-Men, why not just capture Banshee as well? Or Sabretooth and Emma? Why not take Jubilee to the same place that the other new mutants are being held? The prologue is also kind of a mixed bag. A character that doesn’t speak or do anything does set up some mystery, but it also isn’t very exciting. However, the female bodyguard does get an awesome scene; how can you not smile at a large British woman making a last stand with a giant pistol named Pickering?

With only a few characters to focus on this issue works really well. Five or six issues of fighting the Phalanx does start to wear after a while, but for now it is pretty exciting.

B+

X-Men #35

X-Men #35
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Liam Sharp

What Went Down: We open on the classic Cyclops and Jean Grey make-out spread, with a feather falling in front of them for some reason. In case you didn’t know, Scott and Jean have spent the last ten years, from their perspectives, living and raising Scott’s son Nathan, who later becomes Cable, in the future in their own four issue mini-series. Now they’re back in their own time, in their own bodies, and wondering what became of Nathan.

Nick Fury is watching the two newlyweds and explains that they were discovered unconscious with no brain activity, and they have been unconscious for only two hours. Fury then explains that he needs their help with a disturbed mutant named Sunset Grace who has opened up a portal to a crazy dimension right above the beach of St. Barts. Apparently this portal could potentially swallow the entire planet. So there’s no time to get help from any other heroes, plus Grace asked specifically for Scott and Jean.

Despite the impending doom of the planet, Cyclops, Jean, and Fury take the time to hike to the SHIELD base camp. Jean gets sucked into the interdimensional fissure, so Cyclops gets all emotional and follows her. Inside the weird dimension Cyclops quickly finds Jean, who has found some missing unconscious SHIELD agents. Using their powers they send the agents back through the rift and search through the wacky dimension to find Sunset Grace.

Grace, who apparently met Charles Xavier in the past, is happy to meet two of Xavier’s students. She explains why she opened up this uncontrollable portal. When Jean and Scott’s minds were sent into the future, Grace sensed it, and it unlocked her long forgotten powers…somehow.

She then explains the origins of her powers, which she discovered when she was a teenager. As a thirteen-year-old she was able to go into her own personal dimension that she called NeverNever Land, and she could create whatever she wanted within. As she got older she married and forgot about her magic world powers. One night she was driving home with her husband and son. It was raining, they crashed, Grace flew out, and as the car was rolling off a cliff Grace accidentally used her powers to suck her family into her fantasy dimension.

She was never able to reopen it and became catatonic until Professor X helped her with his powers. Still, she was never able to reopen the portal until the day she met Scott and Jean. Jean draws a parallel between Grace losing her family and Scott and Jean having to leave Nathan in the future. Jean uses her powers to help Grace come to terms with the loss of her family, and Grace is able to use her powers to recreate her husband and son within the dimension. Cyclops and Jean are sent out of the dimension, the portal closes, and Scott and Jean ponder how Grace is now able to live in a perfect world with a family even if it isn’t necessarily real.

How It Was: This is another one-off story before the big crossover. Once again it’s low on action and kind of different from the norm. However this one also has the problem of being very dull as well. We’re dealing with a Scott and Jean story, so it is chock full of endless conversations through their psychic rapport where they tell each other how important they are to each other and encourage each other and tell each other not to despair. It really gets annoying to read after a while. Most of this issue is really just to catch up readers (like me) that didn’t bother to read The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix mini-series. I know that I’ve stated before that Cyclops is my favorite character, but stories with him and Jean Grey can sometimes border on tedium.

Also it doesn’t help that Sunset Grace isn’t very interesting as a character or a concept. As you can tell by all the exposition I had to write up in the synopsis, Grace is a very convoluted character that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. She can make a fantasy world, but the fake world might engulf the real world, but that never happened when she was younger, plus she’s sad about losing her family, and she knows Xavier. The ending in particular just comes out of nowhere and isn’t really fulfilling. Nick Fury also makes an underwhelming appearance as a story device to deliver all the exposition necessary to set up the plot of the story for the X-Men and to explain how their mini-series ties in with present continuity.

The real reason to buy this issue is the guest art by Liam Sharp, which is gorgeous. All of the backgrounds, from the beaches of St. Barts to the forest that the heroes hike through, look lush and detailed. The characters are nicely depicted and work very well. And most importantly the NeverNever Land world is the perfect mix of familiar with “that’s not quite right” to make for a very visually appealing environment. It kind of reminds me of a fantasy world from a video game like Mario or Sonic. Everything is very bright and cheerful, but definitely has a sense that it isn’t quite right either even if it sure is nice to look at. Of course Sharp also takes some liberties with Cyclops and Jean Grey’s costumes, as you can see from the cover, which don’t look quite right and never appear again. I guess that was just the best that SHIELD could supply them with at the time.

Honestly, this is a pretty boring issue. Unlike the Colossus issue, this story doesn’t really further or expand the character of Cyclops or Jean Grey in any substantial way. The conflict of the story never feels imperative, and it really just wraps itself up without any significant input from Scott or Jean. But it sure is pretty to look at.

D+

Uncanny X-Men #315

Uncanny X-Men #315
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Roger Cruz

What Went Down: We open up on an awesome, although incredibly different looking, splash of Avalon--the Acolytes’ space station base. Colossus is serving as the council for prisoner Neophyte, the Acolyte who turned on Fabian Cortez in Uncanny #300. The Acolytes want to sentence him to death for betraying them, but Colossus believes everyone should have the right to choose their destiny.

In another part of the base, Exodus is ranting to the comatose Magneto, showing that he is probably not all together there in the head. The Acolyte Scanner interrupts his rant, and Exodus threatens her for seeing the face of Magneto.

Amelia Voght is serving as the prosecutor for Neophyte’s trial. Even though she disagrees with the other Acolytes, she doesn’t trust that her decisions matter at all. Peter argues that Neophyte was really honoring Magneto in his own way, by stopping the torture of an innocent and exploring other ways of furthering mutantkind. Voght calls the boring Acolyte Milan to the stand. He uses his power to project thoughts visually (yawwnn) to show how the Acolytes first rescued Neophyte from an abandoned church before he joined the team. Some of the Acolytes start a fight when Xavier is mentioned, and Exodus uses his powers to separate them.

As the judge and jury of the trial, Exodus tells the Acolytes that he is going to discuss the evidence with Magneto. Once again, Magneto is sitting on a throne drooling, so Exodus is not exactly acting logical. Exodus returns and seems to be leaning towards executing Neophyte, but Colossus interrupts with a long diatribe. As Colossus’ words start to convince some of the Acolytes, including Voght, Exodus decides to just banish Neophyte as opposed to killing him. Exodus returns to Magneto’s room to rant some more to himself.

How It Was: This one comes straight out of left field, mostly because Lobdell doesn’t want to start a new story before two crossovers. It’s also an entire issue with no current X-Men members whatsoever. The narrow focus of just the Acolytes actually works in this issue’s favor. It is nice to see that Colossus is still the character we all know and love and joining the Acolytes hasn’t altered his personality greatly. This is a great issue for Peter; Voght and him really shine among a collection of one-dimensional Acolytes, including Neophyte. The idea that Colossus tries to incorporate Magneto’s philosophy into his own established worldview is a really interesting take on a hero turned villain. On the other hand, I feel like some of Peter’s observations about Magneto are somewhat skewed as he really gives the villain the benefit of the doubt in a lot of instances and exaggerates the villain’s tolerance for people and their intentions. There are also the beginnings of a political framework being introduced that unfortunately never really get expanded upon after this issue.

Exodus is just a really disappointing antagonist. The fact that his super villain team is just sitting around doing nothing in space shows how little there is to old crazy, powerful Exodus. He is even abusive to the other Acolytes, which creates an interesting tension where later the members feel trapped and want to rebel, but for now the Acolytes just look like morons for blindly following an even bigger moron.

In case you’re keeping track, Joe Mad is once again absent from his drawing duties, although to be fair, Kubert is also off this month to work on upcoming crossovers. Still, this is two months in a row, which isn’t a good sign.

This is actually a really interesting one-shot story that presents and analyzes the themes of the comic in an interesting way. Really it is an entire issue of characters just standing around and talking, but this issue has some great merits. This is the best-written Colossus that has appeared in a while; he’s not the broken and (rightfully) depressed sad sack. Here he is confident, righteous, and doing more than he has done in many, many issues. One to check out if you’re curious for something different than the usual.

B-

Uncanny X-Men Annual #18

Uncanny X-Men Annual #18
Writing: Glenn Herdling and Jeph Loeb
Art: Ian Churchill and Tim Sale

What Went Down: Another annual, whoopee—64 more pages to describe. This exciting issue starts out with some young boys gathered around a campfire. While passing around a skin mag, one of the boys is made fun of for reading what appears to be a New Mutants comic book. Anyways, the boys are then surprised by a hooded creature that turns out to be Caliban, the Morlock and former Horseman of the Apocalypse. The boys run away frightened, and Caliban steals all of their junk food. He needs all of this food because it turns out that he has kidnapped Jubilee and chained her up in the sewer. His plan is to get the X-Men to send Sabretooth down so that Caliban can kill him and take revenge for the Morlock Massacre.

Back at the mansion, the X-Men have discovered Caliban’s ransom note asking for Sabretooth in exchange for Jubilee. Stevie Hunter is there to feel sorry for not being around to stop him, as if it would have mattered or she was still relevant to the X-books. Xavier decides to ask Sabretooth for his assistance, but the villain refuses unless Jean Grey will give him the “glow.”

Back in the sewer, Jubilee tricks Caliban into unchaining her, and she escapes. Because it is dark and there are monster alligators in the sewers, Caliban catches up to and recaptures her. Over with the X-Men, Kitty Pryde has showed up in a special guest appearance from the pages of Excalibur because she has the closest relationship with Caliban. She’s still a little bitter about betraying Colossus’ confidence during the Fatal Attractions storyline, and she seems very sensitive about this plan as well. Jean gives Sabretooth the glow with her powers, but she doesn’t stop and overwhelms him with it. Kitty and Sabretooth, in his restraints, are then sent off to find Caliban.

Caliban re-restrains Jubilee and goes off to “save” Kitty from Sabretooth. Sabretooth starts off his partnership with Kitty by attacking her, but Kitty holds her own. We also learn that one of the panels on her costumes turns out to carry nunchucks, which she uses to beat the tar out of Creed. After threatening to solidify her arm in his brain, Sabretooth agrees to play ball.

Caliban manages to shut the gates and flood the area where the heroes are. Kitty refuses to save just herself, and instead saves Creed as well. But in a radical twist, they are both attacked by a giant sewer squid. No, really. Caliban shows up to save Kitty from the squid, and Jubilee tries to convince Sabretooth to save them all, which he does.

After Sabretooth kills the squid, Kitty uses her powers to free Jubilee from her restraints; Sabretooth takes the opportunity to exploit Pryde’s powers and get himself free as well. Once free he attacks Caliban, but Jubilee and Kitty manage to get the restraints back on. Caliban refuses to accept help from the X-Men, and the narration at the end describes his state as the passing of the Horseman and the birth of the Hound, whatever that means.

What Else Went Down: Bishop is in the middle of an adventure with his former XSE partners Malcolm and Randall. They are um… escaping from somewhere while getting shot at from the air by… someone. Malcolm falls off a platform, but Bishop manages to pull him up. Malcolm thanks him, and then we find out that the whole story was a Danger Room sequence. As Bishop  leaves the Danger Room, Jubilee asks him if he wants to go rollerblading. Bishop refuses at first, but then reconsiders after her disappointed reaction. He asks if they can go walking instead, and Jubilee seems very happy.

How It Was: Another year’s worth of stories, another giant annual. The real question is why this story is in Uncanny when it stars one character from Excalibur, and two characters that normally appear in the other X-Men book. Oh well.

Looking at the story, it’s very average…kind of mehhh. There are some good moments; I like the animosity and tension between Kitty and Sabretooth, and Jubilee gets some really good humor in. I’ve never heard of Glenn Herdling, but he does write a really cool Kitty Pryde—with nunchucks. It’s awesome to see that Kitty has progressed from a scared new girl like Jubilee to a badass who can hand Sabretooth his behind with total confidence.

Unfortunately other than the fighting between Creed and Pryde, the only other action in this issue involves the X-Men fighting a giant squid, which is very silly. There are some okay scenes in the beginning with Sabretooth, but they only really establish that Creed is a jerk, which we already know. Caliban is one-dimensional and while his motivation is understandable, his execution leaves a little to be desired as far as being an interesting or fearsome villain. And this may be a nitpick, but I still can’t understand why Stevie Hunter is still appearing in these books. I have no idea what purpose or relevance she has to the team at this point, since she was originally Kitty Pryde’s dancing instructor when Kitty was a child. There’s certainly an opportunity to make her relevant, but her and Kitty never interact with each other at all.

Churchill’s art is really dark and edgy, which is appropriate since most of it takes place in a sewer; plus it’s a Sabretooth story. Churchill shows up years later as the regular artist in the 2000s, so this is a pretty good precursor to that brief run.

As for the back up strip, there is not really anything to it at all. We never even see whom the XSE are supposed to be fighting during their mission, and we really don’t get anything from their interactions that we didn’t get from their first appearance in Uncanny. There’s nothing really substantial at all; if you hadn’t figured out that Bishop was trying to get over his feelings about the future and adjust to the present, then you really haven’t been paying attention. The only thing notable about this story is that its creative team is the same one behind the very successful Batman: The Long Halloween and Batman: Dark Victory stories, and they worked together on the show Heroes.

Really, this is a forgettable one-off story that, while consistent, isn’t really anything to write home about. There are some cool moments for Kitty Pryde fans though. The back up story isn’t even worth mentioning again, it’s so inconsequential.

C

Happy Thanksgiving

In an effort to celebrate the season, and procrastinate when I should be doing school work, I'd like to present some very special reviews.  They're special because I didn't think I'd get to them this week.  So surprise, here they are, and I hope everyone is having a relaxing day.

No Post this Week... Except for this One

Sorry, I'm very behind on my reviews and my school work, and one has to kind of take priority over the other.  I'm really mad at myself for breaking the streak, but so it goes.  Next post will be soon though.  Ta ta for now.

X-Men #34

X-Men #34
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: In Nebraska, the Blue Team visits the orphanage where Scott Summers grew up. This same orphanage also turns out to be one of Mr. Sinister’s safehouses for his lab. Psylocke and Gambit sneak in while Rogue and Beast wait in the plane. The X-Men are investigating Sinister’s research into the Legacy Virus to make sure everything is kosher.

Using intelligence from Sabretooth, Gambit and Psylocke find the hidden door to the lab. Inside they discover the Marauder Riptide, which surprises everyone since he is supposed to be dead. After knocking him out, Gambit observes weird rashes on Riptide’s skin. Rogue bursts in and demonstrates worry for Gambit’s safety. After finding another hidden door, the X-Men discover Threnody strapped to a number of machines. It turns out that Sinister is out fighting X-Factor at the moment. She lets the blue team know that their presence has triggered security drones, but the Beast is able to disable them through a computer.

Everyone is relieved to see that Threnody is okay, given that she has been in the care of one of their most deadly enemies. Threnody is thankful because Sinister has helped her to control her powers and learn new things. The X-Men try to convince her that Sinister will want more from her, and that she is really a prisoner here. Upon learning that they fought Riptide, Threnody reveals that he was a clone and that his clone partner was probably also released.

The team is then attacked by an unfinished clone of Sabretooth. Rogue takes the opportunity to take her aggressions for the real Creed out on the clone and defeats it in one hit. After seeing this Threnody decides to destroy Sinister’s DNA bank so no one else would be hurt by it. Beast tries to convince her to come with them, but Threnody feels that she still needs to help stop Sinister from the inside.

How It Was: First I just want to say that clones are stupid and stories with clones as either the hero or villain are cheap and stupid. Really they only exist in this story to create some action sequences, and as a retcon for all of the various stories that contained accidental character appearances from Marauders after their deaths.

It is really nice to see the X-Men actually follow up on a storyline instead of just responding to emergencies, but I can’t say that I’m particularly excited to see Threnody again. She’s not really the most exciting supporting character ever, and she turns on Sinister rather quickly. First she is convinced he has mutantkind’s best interest at heart, then after seeing his clones she thinks that all of his painstaking work must be wiped out. Of course it doesn’t really matter because later stories reveal that Sinister just had another set of DNA samples lying around.  Also it doesn’t make sense as to why she would stick around after trashing Sinister’s lab; isn’t there a possibility that he might be mad?

Other than that, this issue is okay. There is also a needless scene where Beast foils Sinister’s security system with a computer that feels tacked on to push the story forward. After this issue, we’re not going to see a lot about the Legacy Virus, so this marks one of the last issues to focus solely on it for a really long time.

C

X-Men #33

X-Men #33
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Another mysterious tale from the X-Men’s past. This issue centers on Sabretooth telling Rogue the story of how he met Gambit years ago in Paris. If you’re wondering why Rogue has waited this long to ask Sabretooth about it, well she has her reasons, I guess. Anywho, Gambit first meets Sabretooth when defending a girl named Genevieve. Sabretooth and Gambit are both after a pendant that Genevieve has stolen; Sabretooth wants to just kill her and take it, but Gambit wants to have a little fun, so he enters into a relationship with her before stealing the pendant.

In case you’re wondering if Sabretooth’s story can be trusted, he has a mental camera device to project his thoughts, so we know it’s all true. Also, it is fortunate that Sabretooth decided to stalk Gambit for the week before striking at him, otherwise there might have been a lot of holes in his story.

Gambit meets with his foster brother Henri, a character that recently died in Gambit’s mini-series around the same time. Henri criticizes Gambit for not just taking the pendant, but Gambit is only a couple months from his arranged marriage, so he wants to have some fun before settling down.

Later, Gambit and Genevieve steal some bread and wine, and Gambit reveals his powers to her; all the while Sabretooth is still stalking and observing him.

Back in the present, Beast catches Jubilee goofing off instead of working on her book report. Hank is considering infiltrating one of Mr. Sinister’s strongholds, but he doesn’t know if he should trust Creed or not.

After spending the night with Genevieve, Remy finally steals the pendant. Unfortunately for him, Creed kidnaps her and his brother and sets up a meeting at Notre Dame. With both prisoners tied up, Creed tells Gambit that after he throws the pendant, he’s going to drop both of them. Remy chooses to save his brother, leaving Genevieve to fall to her death. Before she dies, she tells Gambit that she would’ve gladly given Remy the pendant if he asked.

Later, Rogue confronts Gambit about the story; she is obviously not impressed with it. Gambit claims that he was young and stupid, but Rogue doesn’t know if she should trust him. Beast visits Sabretooth and offers him a chance to help them and “live in the world.” After Beast leaves, Sabretooth’s projector flashes back to Leni Zauber (Mystique in disguise) holding his son Graydon Creed as a baby.

How It Was: This is actually a really interesting story. With the pretty much sole focus on Sabretooth’s story, we get an interesting glimpse into both his and Gambit’s personality. It’s fun to see Gambit as a novice, fully embracing his roguish lifestyle. While it feels contrived that Creed would follow Gambit for so long, if you can suspend your disbelief it makes for a very good story. For the first time in months an encounter with a villain generates legitimate tension, even if it is a flashback, because there are actual stakes to Gambit’s encounter.

And yes, there are consequences. It’s refreshing to see that Rogue is reasonably conflicted between her attraction for Gambit and the fact that any sensible woman would avoid him like the plague after hearing a story like that. There really is nothing Gambit can possibly say, so this makes for another chapter in the long, bumpy, soap opera-y road that is the Rogue/Gambit romance.

Kubert does a fantastic job realizing the architecture of Paris and making it feel like the story actually takes place there. The flashback versions of all of the characters are also very nicely done. An awesome one-and-done story for Gambit fans that has some real emotional consequences tied to it.

B+

100 Posts!!!!!! Wooooooooooo!!

It's a very exciting week for me since it's my centennial.  On top of that, I've been able to maintain a consistent weekly posting for the last four months, so go me.  Big thank you to the few and proud who have been visiting and reading.  I'm also pretty excited for the next hundred posts, which should cover the Age of the Apocalypse, the Phalanx, and the road to Onslaught.  Also, one of these days I swear I will write about something other than X-Men reviews.  But for now, I'll keep enjoying the writing while you keep enjoying the reading.  Excelsior and all that.

X-Men #32

X-Men #32
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Spiral tells Warren and Betsy that she wants to help Psylocke seek the truth. Because this is a comic book, and they’re enemies, of course they have to have a fight. Nothing Spiral says is particularly helpful, and then the rest of the blue team randomly shows up to finish her off. Spiral teleports away, and Betsy shows the torn out bionic eyes to the rest of the X-Men.

Hours later, Banshee and Beast are doing things to the eyes with tools. They are able to find recordings from right after Psylocke disappeared into the Siege Perilous. Basically the actual story goes that Matsuo and Mandarin wanted to just switch the two girls’ bodies, but because Spiral is twisted and bitter, she manipulated their minds so that they turned out mixed up. If you were wondering why Revanche thought she was the real Betsy, it turns out that she was not used to telepathic powers, and her emotions confused herself, Psylocke, and the rest of the X-Men, hence the initial story.

Outside Gambit asks Professor X to talk about the problems he’s been having with Rogue. Also, if you care, Beast has outlawed smoking in the mansion. As for Psylocke, she once again journeys to Nyorin’s estate in Japan, this time alone. However, Nyorin is dead, killed by Matsuo. Matsuo’s reasoning is that Nyorin created a fake diary to keep them apart because Nyorin was also in love with Kwannon.

Using a kiss, Matsuo gives Psylocke the stored memories Kwannon had of Betsy Braddock’s; he also removes all of Kwannon’s stored personality traits. Despite this, Betsy is still able to utilize her ninja skills. After this, Matsuo wants to kill himself, but Psylocke convinces him not to in order to preserve Kwannon’s memory. Both characters bury Kwannon, and when Betsy returns she throws the bionic eyes into the water. Archangel shows up, and the two comment about how they’ve both been manipulated by evil forces and come out stronger for it.

How It Was: Well just like this cover and the last one alluded to, Psylocke fights Spiral…for all of five pages. Then the X-Men show up and beat her soundly in another three. This makes for a rather unfulfilling action sequence, on top of the fact that Spiral doesn’t really explain her reasoning for messing with Psylocke and Revanche. The explanation seems to be “because I’m crazy” but I’m sure most people were hoping for a little more.

After that, the sequence with Matsuo and Psylocke turns out to be pretty good. Again, we’re talking about a relationship that Nicieza never built up, and basically jammed into the plot so the story would work. But all in all, the idea of Psylocke convincing Matsuo to overcome his grief to honor Kwannon’s memory is a pretty nice idea. Having Psylocke’s memories returned to her via a plot convenient power transfer kiss is not. And with that contrived kiss, all memory of Revanche is essentially wiped away from the X-Men titles.

Andy Kubert does a great job with the art. The snowy backgrounds look really nice and everyone has a nice sense of action and movement. Plus, Psylocke actually wears clothes in the winter weather, a nice departure from the adventures in X-Men #17-19. While not a very exciting story, Nicieza does manage to get a little dramatic and emotional mileage out of a concept that most thought was completely dead in the water.

C+

X-Men #31

X-Men #31
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Ahh, the final Revanche story. It just rolls right off the tongue. The sooner we get started, the sooner we can be done talking about this horrible character. X-Men #31 opens on a flashback of Kwannon jumping around the rooftops of a flashy city, presumably Tokyo. Matsuo Tsuryaba catches her and we find out that the two were lovers and that his nickname for her was Butterfly. At the bottom of the flashback panels, we see the silhouette of Spiral commenting about them. She switches to a live feed of the eye cameras that were placed in the original Betsy Braddock to find that Revanche is standing over a sleeping Professor X with a sword. Then the feed cuts out.

When Professor X wakes up, he finds a note and Revanche’s sword, and gives them to Psylocke. Psylocke worries about how she will resolve her identity issues without Revanche. After Xavier leaves, Psylocke pulls out her parting gift from Revanche…the original Betsy Braddock’s bionic eyes.

Matsuo reflects on a flashback of Kwannon and himself; he took a picture of her and she became angry with him. We learn that Kwannon worked for Lord Nyorin and Matsuo worked for the Hand, and it looks like both sides were about to come into conflict. Matsuo (in the flashback) suggests they should kill each other, as opposed to being forced to fight each other later. Of course they can’t, because it wouldn’t be honorable. Spiral sneaks up on Matsuo in the present and eats an apple while they discuss how Spiral repaired Kwannon’s body.

At the mansion, Psylocke partakes in a lethal Danger Room sequence. Archangel programs a hologram of his Angel form to surprise her. Warren offers to go out to eat with her and discuss her problems. In the study, Xavier asks Beast to take over leadership of the blue team as well as the daily tasks of maintaining the institute. We also find out that Emma Frost has deeded her Massachusetts Academy to Xavier. Beast acquiesces. Gambit and Rogue’s relationship is showing tension since the Gambit mini-series. I’ve only read the first issue, but it appears that somehow Rogue absorbed the memories of Gambit’s wife Bella Donna, because she keeps saying things that Gambit remembers his ex-wife saying.

Next we get the flashback of Matsuo and Kwannon being forced to fight each other. Matsuo ends up throwing Kwannon off of a cliff, where she “dies.” After retrieving her body, Matsuo takes her to the Hand, but they can’t heal her because she suffered brain damage from being underwater. In the middle of the flashback, present day Revanche attacks Matsuo.

In Salem Center, Betsy shows Warren the eyes that Revanche pulled out of her own sockets. Back in Japan, Matsuo can’t help viewing Revanche as Kwannon with his “mind’s eye,” whatever that means. Matsuo admits his part in getting the Mandarin and Spiral to preserve her body, since Kwannon’s mind was gone. Revanche points out the irony because the body that was supposed to save her is now infected with the Legacy Virus.

Revanche asks Matsuo to kill her so she won’t have to die from the Legacy Virus. He does, and back in America Psylocke feels the shockwave, causing her to crash the car. The final page leaves us with Spiral popping in, saying that she wants to help Psylocke discover the answers to her questions about her identity.

How It Was: Surprisingly this story turned out more enjoyable than I thought it would. It’s far from perfect, but the sheer fact that it’s the conclusion to the go-nowhere Revanche storyline, and it keeps my interest, says a lot about it. As you can probably tell by my synopsis above, this book is dense with information. There is an incredible amount of exposition, which is needed to tie up the incredible amount of loose ends that span from Mojoworld to the Hand. Plus there is the problem that to make this story work, Nicieza has to retcon his previous story by saying that all of the information Nyorin gave them previously was a lie. While this somewhat negates the impact of the first story, it does leave Nicieza open to write a satisfactory, if melodramatic, tragic romance for Kwannon and Matsuo.

Since it is her death issue, Revanche gets the majority of the focus of this issue, and hence gets to do all of the interesting things. Between ripping out her own eyes and asking Matsuo to take her life, Revanche actually develops a pretty compelling personality. Of course it is all based around that wacky comics’ portrayal of honor, but it’s still a lot better than what came before. Psylocke surprisingly doesn’t do much of anything except for a generic Danger Room exercise and a continuing of her burgeoning relationship with Archangel, meaning her scenes are rather dull.

Really, the main problem is that you can almost hear the plot struggling to contain all of the various retcons. No, Kwannon wasn’t in love with Nyorin, it was Matsuo; really, all of the X-Men knew Betsy was the real Psylocke, it was just Revanche’s emotions affecting her powers, to the point where she fooled Professor X and Jean Grey; Kwannon’s brain was actually damaged, so not a lot of her made it into the pair. It all just reeks of plot convenience, but if you can overlook it all, there is a fairly decent resolution here to a rather awful ongoing sub plot.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #314

Uncanny X-Men #314
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Lee Weeks

What Went Down: With only about a day spent in Bobby Drake’s body, Emma Frost has already learned to use his powers more effectively than he has over the course of several years. She starts out by escaping the X-Men by flying away. Storm and Archangel chase her, but she is determined to be reunited with her students, the Hellions. Despite being told that they are dead, Emma refuses to believe them, dives into the water, and freezes the entire river. This act also transports her three miles in five seconds. Banshee and Xavier are in the Blackbird, and Charles knows exactly where Frost is going.

In the Danger Room, Bishop is fighting a robot without using his powers while somebody taunts him off panel. Bishop finishes off the robot, and it is revealed that the person talking to him is a hologram of his dead sister, Shard. Jubilee interrupts the session, and Bishop explains who Shard is to her. When asked how she died, Bishop tells Jubilee that he killed her, although this later turns out to be an exaggeration, as really Bishop only blames himself for her death.

Emma returns to Frost Enterprises, but finds that she cannot turn her body back to human form. Some security guards try to stop her, but they are unable to. Emma then melts herself and slides into the building.

Once in her office, Frost uses her computer to try to find the Hellions; as she does this, she reminisces about how she used her powers in her past to accrue her wealth. The computer shows her that all of the Hellions are dead, except for Empath, and then shows her how they died. More security guards flood the office, but Emma is so heartbroken that she asks them to kill her. Xavier makes it just in time to stop the guards with his powers. Emma vents her frustrations, claiming that Xavier’s way was the right way since his students, the New Mutants, survived. She views the Hellions deaths as her failure. Banshee offers Emma a chance to come with them, which she takes. As they leave, Xavier looks at the screen and announces that never again will the blood of innocents be spilt in the conflict between mutants and humans, which seems like a pretty unrealistic goal.

How It Was: Well it’s only the third issue into his run as artist and Joe Mad already needs a fill in artist. This is a sign of things to come. Weeks’ work is about as far from Joe Mad as you can get; the characters have a much more realistic look to them, and everything looks more like your standard Marvel House Style, only colored a little darker. The opening spread is really awesome, except it’s hard to tell if the lines at the top of the page are rain or wind or something else.

As for the story, it’s fairly predictable, but still really well done. The part that makes the issue is Emma’s guilt and frustration over the deaths of her students. Perhaps Lobdell purposely underplayed the X-Men’s reactions to the Hellions’ deaths just to make this issue seem even more impressive…naah. The deaths of her students also make for a perfectly logical reason for Emma to reform and become a hero, something that has led to some really great stories down the line. The ending is kind of ruined by Xavier’s overly melodramatic and unrealistic statement, but otherwise this is a pretty good character piece for Emma. Unfortunately, we never get to see Iceman’s perspective in Emma’s body, and the two are switched back by the time we see them next. And I would love to know how Iceman can just fly through the air. Also the other problem is that the next couple of months feature Iceman whining about how much he is loser because he can’t control his powers as well.

B

Uncanny X-Men #313

Uncanny X-Men #313
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: This comic actually skips ahead a couple of sequences after last issue, with Gambit in the water swimming for his life from a giant Phalanx hand. The editor makes a note acknowledging this, saying there was just too much action to fit into one comic. Anyways, Gambit gets dragged underwater by the monster, but escapes by throwing charged playing cards into its mouth. Yes, he throws playing cards accurately while UNDERWATER! On the swim up, Gambit spots Yukio’s unconscious body. He debates leaving her, but decides against it.

At the mansion, Iceman’s unconscious body is doing some weird things with his powers. Banshee “subtlely” notes that it is as if the boy is learning about his powers from scratch. Jubilee yells at Beast for an off color comment, then apologizes. Banshee notes that young mutants like Jubilee should have a place where someone can worry about them instead of the next crisis, continuing the foreshadowing for Generation X from Uncanny #304. With Creed in his cell, Xavier swears that he will help Sabretooth, or die trying. This lasts for a couple of issues, until Xavier decides to give up and hand him over to the government.

Back at the docks, Storm is busy fighting the female Phalanx. Gambit helps Storm out by hitting the Phalanx with his staff, which is apparently really effective. Elsewhere we find Stephen Lang, a former Sentinel programmer who is now a member of the Phalanx. Doug Ramsey, Cypher of the New Mutants, is also a part of the Phalanx, even though he died and is a mutant. He is able to resist Lang’s influence to some extent, and I think his story is continued in the Excalibur Phalanx crossover, because it is never mentioned here again. We also see Cameron Hodge and another member who fights the X-Men later.

At the docks, both Phalanx members have cornered Yukio. She offers to tell them anything, but really she is just stalling so Gambit can charge a giant anchor and drop it on the villains. Storm questions whether the Phalanx have a right to life, even if it costs humanity theirs. Then she summons a lightning bolt, disintegrates the remains of the bad guys, and blows them away. Yukio kicks Gambit in the face because, err, I guess he might’ve forgotten that she doesn’t like him.

At the mansion, Iceman is awake, but Charles reveals that it is really Emma Frost’s mind in Bobby’s body.

How It Was: Not quite as good as last issue, but still pretty darn good. I’ll start with the art first, since Joe Mad is still drawing up a storm. The best parts are at the Phalanx “base” because Joe Mad really pulls off a surreal, techno-organic type purgatory. Sure the upcoming crossover is an excuse to brush off some dead characters, but it still looks really nice. The underwater scenes are also well done, even if the physics of them look nothing like our Earth physics.

The real problem comes with the ways in which the X-Men fight the Phalanx this issue, none of which seem really creative or like they should be effective. Throwing playing cards underwater and hitting a bad guy with a stick should just plain not work, and how is dropping an exploding anchor on them to finish them any different than the exploding motorcycle from last issue? The Phalanx themselves aren’t really interesting, other than visually that is; they just continually talk about assimilation and conquering the planet. Then there’s Yukio, who doesn’t really belong in this story because she has no purpose other than to lead the bad guys to the good guys. She doesn’t do a lot this issue, other than act really mean to Gambit after he saved her life. To illicit such a response, either Gambit did something pretty awful, or Yukio is just a jerk. Unfortunately, as I said before, we never get to find out which one it is.

The stuff at the mansion is okay. Xavier’s ultimatum to Sabretooth is a bit of a mislead, in that it makes you think that something is actually going to come of Sabretooth’s storyline. The reveal at the end is well done, and leads into a pretty good story, but that’s a matter for next issue’s review. Overall, this story is really just a prelude to the huge Phalanx crossover coming up in a few issues. This story has some nice scenes for Storm and Gambit, but really isn’t anything to write home about.

C+

Uncanny X-Men #312

Uncanny X-Men #312
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: Storm and Yukio begin the issue by diving out of a window in an exciting fashion. They are being pursued by a member of the Phalanx—a techno-organic race of aliens that assimilate people and matter into their hive mind culture. To fill you in on Yukio, she is an ally of Wolverine’s who met Storm during one of the X-Men’s adventures. Storm was so taken by the woman’s devil may care-live for today attitude that she ended up shaving her hair into a mohawk and wearing a leather biker costume for a good portion of the late eighties. Anyways, while they are being shot at, Yukio reveals to Storm that she is a member of Professor X’s Mutant Underground, and also that the monster has been chasing her for weeks.

At the same time, Gambit is on his motorcycle en route to meet Storm and Yukio. He flirts with a female motorist at a red light, but notices a bolt of lightning in the distance. This is the same bolt that Storm has summoned to kill their pursuer. Yukio goes to pick up a Phalanx hand as a sample, but the hand reforms and shoots her with an energy blast.

Down the street, a human is beating the charred remains of the Phalanx with a bat, claiming that he was the one who saved the day. Storm tries to stop the man, but she is too late and he is absorbed by the Phalanx. A fight ensues, with Gambit showing up to save the day. Storm flies the group away, but crashes in front of the Sea, Air, and Space Museum. Yukio pulls a knife on Gambit, saying that she remembers him from a previous job and doesn’t trust him.

The group is then confronted by the attractive woman that Gambit was flirting with earlier. She turns out to be a Nation Security Council Agent, but when the other Phalanx monster tracks them down, she reveals that she is also a member of the Phalanx.

And finally, at the mansion Beast is trying to resuscitate Iceman, who was found unconscious in Emma Frost’s room after being blasted by energy last issue. After Bobby starts breathing again, you’ll note that he mumbles “Pierce, no,” which is foreshadowing that the White Queen is in his body, since the last thing she remembers is seeing Pierce lead Sentinels to the Hellfire Club from back in issue #281. Professor X gets caught up telepathically, via Jubilee, and Bishop has Sabretooth shackled to the wall. Creed taunts the X-Men, explaining how Iceman is a loser who has wasted his potential. While everyone’s attention is on Bobby, the White Queen appears to awaken.

How It Was: First things first, there is a new Uncanny regular artist in town. Joe Madureira (or Joe Mad for those who don’t want to be driven insane by constantly trying to spell his name) replaces John Romita Jr. with this issue. Whereas Romita’s work is a little more traditional, although still distinct, Joe Mad’s art definitely has a bit of the manga influence that is all the rage with the kids these days. Proportions are less realistic, eyes are wider, and explosions are brighter and much, much more prevalent. It takes some getting used to; he really is a good and dynamic action artist, although he was prone to deadline issues. Plus this issue, he really captures the Phalanx particularly well.

As for the story, the first question one probably has upon reading this issue is why Yukio? Basically the only reason I can think of is that the Phalanx were prone to attack X-Men supporting cast members, or at least that is how it was initially set up; Opal Tanaka and the deceased Candy Southern set the precedent. So Yukio is only really here because she is tangentially tied to the X-Men, and she disappears after this story. There’s also a back story with Gambit that is alluded to, but never addressed in the X-Men books, although it could have been told in Unlimited or one of the Gambit series.

As for the rest of the story, it’s pretty much non-stop action; Gambit gets a particularly good action sequence involving a motorcycle, and Storm also gets to do some impressive feats with her powers. The problem is that the Phalanx have now been reworked as one of those enemies that adapts with every attack, so they just keep coming until the writer can come up with some contrived way for them to finally stop or die. There’s also the double twist of the motorist turned government agent turned Phalanx that is completely unnecessary because nobody has built any kind of attachment to this background character for it to matter.

As for the scenes at the mansion, I think the last panel is supposed to be a mistake of some kind, since Emma isn’t supposed to wake up until well after Bobby does. Still, I promise this is building to something pretty good.

B

Uncanny X-Men #311

Uncanny X-Men #311
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: John Romita Jr.

What Went Down: The Beast is in the mansion’s power core, running a diagnostic to check for damage after Magneto’s EMP pulse from Fatal Attractions. Jubilee is yelling at him through his headset because he promised to take her to the Rocky Horror Picture Show (she can’t be that big of a fan since she didn’t bother to dress up). She tries to get Iceman to take her instead, but he is busy upgrading the security around the med-lab.

Outside Bishop is meditating/absorbing the energy from melting snowflakes (I feel like melting snow wouldn’t release energy, but what do I know?). Storm stops by to tell him that she is meeting Gambit and an old friend in town, and he tells her that he is done dwelling on the future. Bishop throws a snowball at her, which is answered by a giant pile of snow landing right on top of him. Meanwhile, Sabretooth is freaking out in his cell.

In the med-lab, Bobby reflects on Emma Frost’s career as a villain, and then the power goes out. Suddenly pink energy from the alien technology in the mansion shoots out and hits Bobby and Emma, knocking out the former. Bishop runs in the mansion, and Beast tells him to check on Sabretooth.

Sure enough, Sabretooth has escaped and is about to kill Jubilee. Bishop tears out the power lines in the walls to charge himself up, and blasts Creed. Jubilee is obviously traumatized by her experience and begs Bishop not to leave her alone. In the power core, Beast works to keep it from melting down.

Sabretooth escapes into the sewers, and Bishop follows. Bishop shoots him with the remaining energy he has stored. The two are at a standoff until Jubilee shoots Sabretooth with a taser from behind.

Storm meets up with her old friend Yukio in New York City. Yukio has asked for Storm’s help with an entity that has been chasing her. The three men that Yukio was just dancing with transform into members of the Phalanx, setting up the cliffhanger.

How It Was: With the wedding over, Uncanny can finally get back to some regular stories. This issue starts what will become a common trend for Sabretooth stories—he escapes and the X-Men have to hunt him down and stop him. To be fair, I think this issue does it best out of all of the future issues that deal with Sabretooth escaping. We have all of the common horror movie tropes here: power outage, teenage girl alone, homicidal maniac that only one man can stop. It’s also nice to see Bishop acting cool again after months of him doing nothing but annoying people by talking about the future.

The scenes with Beast are okay; they do give us some humorous dialogue, but they also fail to generate any tension over the unnecessary core meltdown sub plot. Jubilee also gets some nice scenes where she stands up to Sabretooth despite being absolutely terrified of him. Lobdell actually gets some mileage out of this since Jubilee’s default character is usually calm and sarcastic. The Iceman/Emma stuff doesn’t seem important now, but actually leads to a pretty good story later.

The art is looking really great this issue, with some great action scenes and very detailed backgrounds. The first three pages contain some of Romita’s nicest looking spreads of the Beast. All around, a pretty good issue.

B+

X-Men #30

X-Men #30
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: We open on a touching letter that Wolverine has sent Scott and Jean, telling them that he cannot attend their wedding. He wishes them the best, tells them they are meant for each other, and sends his “love” in some surprisingly nice handwriting. Jean is getting her dress fitted with Storm, her mother, and Rachel Summers; everybody expresses their love and excitement.

All of the original male X-Men are talking with Scott and trying to tie his bowtie. Luckily Professor X shows up to show them how to do it, and shares some touching sentiments. Then there’s a wedding…it’s actually quite uneventful.

During the wedding, the X-Men have apparently asked Sabretooth to sit on the lawn in the snow and hang out. He contemplates doing something mischievous until he discovers a message from Wolverine written in the snow.

In case you care, Rogue catches the bouquet, and Gambit catches the garter. Jean uses her telekinesis to let her dance with the Professor. After the wedding, Scott and Xavier share another tender moment where they say they love each other and are thankful to know each other. Later, going through his mail, Xavier finds a note from Moira that says Cable might hold the key to a Legacy vaccine; this doesn’t go anywhere. He then takes the time to open a letter to him from Wolverine that simply tells him to lighten up.

How It Was: This issue is meant to be really warm and heartfelt, but it always comes off to me as a little dull. I understand why it happened in X-Men, since it was the more popular title at the time, but I can’t help and think that this issue would have been a lot more successful in Scott Lobdell’s hands. Not that Nicieza does a godawful job; it’s just nothing spectacular for an event that was hyped to the extreme.

One real problem is the overabundance of narration from Professor X. Because not a lot is actually happening in this issue, it falls to Xavier’s narration boxes to try to frame the events as undeniably important and touching. Even the attempts at humor from Lila Cheney and the Beast fall a little flat. The only really interesting part is the letter from Wolverine, but it raises the question of how he found out, and why his handwriting is so pretty.

Perhaps the real problem is that this issue doesn’t mean much as far as the status quo for Scott and Jean is concerned. At this point, Cyclops and Jean Grey were pretty much inseparable, and nothing really ever changes within the dynamic of their relationship. They’re still the lovey dovey pair of X-Men, and that doesn’t really change until Grant Morrison’s run a little over a decade from this point.

While the story is fairly dull, the art looks very nice. Poor Andy Kubert has to draw all of the X-Men, plus a ton of supporting characters and guest stars, in formal wear and he does an admirable job of making sure everyone looks unique. Jean’s dress looks really nice and fancy, and everything is bright and cheery. Ideally, the wedding should have only been about half an issue, with the other half dedicated to things to come. I guess you could complement the creators on the fact that the issue actually feels like a wedding, but I don’t think that that’s the tone the X-Men should really be striving for. Important, but sappy and unexciting.

C-

Uncanny X-Men #310

Uncanny X-Men #310
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: John Romita Jr.

What Went Down: The opening splash involves Banshee and Cyclops responding to an intruder alert, which is postponing their journey to Cyclops’ bachelor party. They enter the Danger Room to discover a program replaying Cyclops’ past with X-Factor, specifically the scene when he had to give up his son Nathan to the Askani so he could be cured of a techno-organic virus in the future. Cyclops shuts down the Danger Room with an optic blast. It turns out that Cable is the one responsible for programming the scene to play; Cable is curious about an invitation to Cyclops’ wedding, so Cyclops asks Banshee to leave so he can have a long talk with his son.

At the party, all of the X-Men, plus Nightcrawler, are waiting for Cyclops’ arrival. Bishop doesn’t understand the purpose of marriage, leading to a lecture on relations in the future, leading to all of the heroes begging him to shut up.

Following Cable’s bodyslide signal, the X-Cutioner teleports into another part of the mansion. Meanwhile, Cable is convinced that Cyclops abandoned him. Cyclops is angered by these accusations, so he brings up another simulation that shows him breaking down and questioning his decision. Cyclops tells Cable how much he regrets not being able to raise him, and Cable tells him that it is okay because there were two people who helped bring him up. These two people turn out to be a time displaced Cyclops and Jean Grey, but this occurs after their wedding in their own mini-series. At the party, Gambit is attempting to stir up animosity against Sabretooth. Back at the mansion, Sabretooth smells an intruder from his cell, and he calls Cyclops and Cable to let them know.

It turns out that the X-Cutioner’s master plan is to kill Emma Frost because he thinks she is responsible for the deaths of the Hellions, and killing evil mutants is his gimmick. Cyclops and Cable defeat him pretty easily. Cable says he’ll attend the wedding and teleports Scott to his bachelor party.

How It Was: This month’s Uncanny dives headfirst into the quagmire that is X-continuity, and the results are pretty good. Up to this point Cable and Cyclops’ relationship hadn’t really been addressed, due to the fact that it is a weird mixture of time travel and soap opera. Lobdell finds a good balance by approaching Cable as an abandoned son and ignoring the absurd fact that Cable is now older than his father. By having Cyclops reconcile with his son, we also get some scenes that build on the original X-Factor stories that really underplayed Scott’s initial reactions.

The bachelor party scenes are okay, but really they’re just reiterating points that have already been addressed in other issues; Gambit doesn’t like Sabretooth, Archangel is somewhat jealous of Cyclops, Bishop talks too much about the future. The villain of the issue is also kind of underwhelming; X-Cutioner’s only real purpose is to remind us that Emma Frost is still around and establish that she’s been in the mansion for the past two years so Lobdell can dust her off and use her in the next couple of issues. Plus it feels like the villain could have found a stronger motivation to kill her since Emma used to be a pretty major villain in her day.

The art is not really representative of Romita’s best work. While the majority of it is good, there are some scratchy looking panels, especially the X-Factor flashback with baby Nate. His Cable sometimes has shoulders that are too wide (although he is definitely not the only artist to have this problem), and I’ve always felt that he draws Sabretooth too skinny. Consequently it’s not an amazing issue, but it does have some pretty good character moments for Cyke and Cable to recommend.

B

X-Men #29

X-Men #29
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down: Sabretooth and Psylocke are having a rematch in the Danger Room. Professor X and the Beast are hesitant about this, but feel it is necessary to allow Creed to get some exercise and test his new manacles. Betsy gets Creed at swordpoint, vindicating herself after her embarrassment last issue. Psylocke’s behavior borders on flirting with Sabretooth, causing Archangel, Beast, and the Professor to wonder about her. Beast asks Warren about his on again/off again relationship with Charlotte Jones…apparently it is off again. Warren spends a couple of pages brooding about how alone he is, until Jubilee brings by the mail and gives Warren an invitation to the Hellfire Club.

Psylocke walks in, and the two discuss their families’ histories with the Hellfire Club, as well as the Inner Circle’s battles with the X-Men. Warren and Betsy decide that they should go to the party to see what the Circle is up to.

At the Hellfire Club, Betsy and Warren mingle with all of the rich people, and the couple bumps into Dwayne Taylor—Night Thrasher of the New Warriors. He’s hanging out at the Club because he’s about to take part in the Child’s Play crossover that ends the Upstarts storyline. They also run into Ronald Parvenue, a character who claims to be a friend of Warren’s father who then disappears. The two X-Men are next approached by Tessa—Shinobi Shaw’s assistant who later turns out to be a spy working for Professor Xavier. She leads them to a hall away from the party, and then she knocks them both unconscious.

Both characters wake up in a basement room wearing even fancier clothes. Shinobi Shaw is sitting on a chair near them; surprise, he wants them to join the new Inner Circle. After Shaw attacks Psylocke, Archangel flips out and a big fight ensues. Both characters get in a stalemate where if Shaw solidifies his body, both characters will die. While they’re fighting, Psylocke wakes up, sneaks up on the villain, and uses her psyblade on him, causing him to have multiple flashbacks about being abused by his father Sebastian, but loved and comforted by his warm mother. Archangel tells him that he’s empty inside, and the issue closes on Shinobi Shaw sitting alone looking sad.

How It Was: This issue is an experiment in trying to shine the spotlight on two of the less popular X-Men, and unfortunately it fails for the most part. At this point the X-offices have realized that the Psylocke/Revanche stuff isn’t working too well, so the idea here is to shift the focus to another aspect of Betsy’s character, namely her wealth and affluence. And who has that in common with her? And thus begins the infamous Archangel/Psylocke relationship. A relationship that no one would question in real life (two pretty, rich people getting together seems common sense), but within the context of a monthly narrative, there wasn’t really anywhere for the relationship to go. It doesn’t have the conflict of the Gambit/Rogue relationship or the familiarity of the Scott/Jean relationship; there just isn’t a lot here for the writers’ to explore and this starts to show in future issues.

But enough with that tangent, the actual issue is what I’m here to talk about. The first half is standard, by-the-book continuance of already established plot lines. Both Sabretooth living at the mansion and the Cyclops/Jean Grey wedding get mentioned so readers don’t forget about them. There is some gratuitous brooding by Warren over his appearance and his inability to stay in a relationship. Then the issue takes a weird turn with Shinobi Shaw’s big plan of the day—asking Psylocke and Warren to join him. It just feels like Nicieza was struggling to create a conflict for this issue, and Shinobi’s actions don’t even make sense. If he wants the X-Men to join him, why attack them and then ask them? Having the resolution involve the revelation of Shinobi as a spoiled brat with daddy issues is pretty anti-climactic and reveals what a boring character he is. Sebastian Shaw was a master manipulator who carried a level of stoicism and sophistication, and it is obvious that his whiney son can’t hold a candle to him.

The art is very good, but I will mention that in an issue that is trying to build up Psylocke as a character, it is hard to take her seriously when her boobs are always gratuitously on display. One scene in particular where she and Warren are reading mail in the living room, and both her shirt and the tiny jacket she is wearing are wide open at the top, feels particularly uncalled for. This issue does tie in to an annual coming up where Shaw asks Storm to join the Inner Circle, but after that Shinobi will thankfully disappear from the pages of X-Men. This issue is just another false start for a story that never happens. Between the lame villain and the lack of any real developments, this issue is definitely for hardcore fans only. At the very least I respect it for trying to develop two characters who had been out of the spotlight for a long time, but I can’t say that it succeeded in inspiring any interest in them.

C-

X-Men #28

X-Men #28
Writing: Fabian Nicieza
Art: Andy Kubert

What Went Down:  Jubilee has a dream where she is in some dark scary woods running for her life. She finds the lifeless body of Wolverine only to be attacked by Sabretooth. Jean Grey is alerted by the girl’s screams and comforts her as she wakes up. The reason Jubilee is having nightmares is that Sabertooth has moved into the mansion as of X-Men Unlimited #3.

Jean contacts Cyclops, Beast, and Storm, and the group meets at Harry’s Hideaway to debate the matter. Some argue that the X-Men have taken in dangerous characters before while others point out that Xavier’s recent decisions have been questionable at best. Jean is the most upset by Sabretooth living in the mansion.

In the medlab, Xavier is analyzing Revanche to track the progress of the Legacy Virus in her. He asks her if she will stay with the X-Men, but she wishes to die free. Moira calls and asks Charles for some assistance.

To catch up readers, Creed was dependent on his assistant Birdy, who would give him a telepathic stimulant known as “the glow.” When she died, Creed’s need for the psychic drug overcame him, driving him even crazier. So voluntarily, he requested help from Xavier. This is necessary to know because when Psylocke attempts to recreate the glow, Sabretooth humiliates her and says that her mind is so fractured that only Jean Grey can give it to him.

Next we have a scene where Rogue has volunteered to deliver food to Creed, and Gambit is quite hesitant to allow her. Sabretooth teases the couple, revealing that he knows Gambit from his past as well as the existence of Rogue’s half brother, who later turns out to be Nightcrawler; he also hints that Rouge would be unhappy if she ever heard his stories about Gambit.

Cyclops and Jean Grey confront the professor about Sabretooth living in the mansion. Like most couples, Jean does most of the talking. Xavier understands the arguments, but feels that it is against his personal philosophies to push Creed away. Afterwards, Cyclops tells Jean that he knows that her frustration has to do with Wolverine’s absence. Moira calls, and Jean says that she needs to be the one to confront Sabretooth.

Jean enters the cell, and Sabretooth expects her to give him the glow. He attacks her, trying to intimidate her, but Jean uses her powers to knock the villain around. Jean refuses to give him the glow and proves to him that she has nothing to fear because of how much more powerful she is. Later, Jubilee volunteers to bring up Creed’s meal to confront her own fears. She finds Creed meditating, and finds it just as disturbing.

How It Was: Sabretooth joins the X-Men, and wackiness ensues. Well, “joins” is a little hasty, and that’s pretty much why this story line works, even though it eventually goes nowhere. Because Wolverine is off in his solo book feeling sorry for himself, bringing in Sabretooth does succeed in adding something interesting to the cast. This issue especially works really well as it gives all of the characters an opportunity to react to Creed in a variety of negative ways. The depiction of Sabretooth is fantastic as he is presented as a Hannibal Lechter type who all of the characters fear and respect for his savagery and potential danger.

What’s great is that Nicieza uses Creed’s living at the mansion to explore some different aspects of the characters as well as introduce some new potential stories. Jean is forced to confront her feelings about Logan, Gambit and Rogue are confronted with some potentially unsettling events from Gambit’s past, and Jubilee is forced to reevaluate her position of weakness as a novice on the team. It’s also nice to see the X-Men scrutinizing Xavier’s decisions after recent events, and it’s great to see that the X-crew being overwhelmed by this new responsibility. Plus, the climactic confrontation with Jean and Creed is some of the best material that Jean has been given in a while.

Once again Psylocke and Revanche bring down the rest of the issue. Revanche’s lone scene isn’t too bad as it’s mostly just reiterating the fact that she has contracted the Legacy Virus…again. So it’s inoffensive, yet unnecessary if you read the annual. On the other hand, Psylocke’s scene shows her needlessly confronting Sabretooth, and getting humiliated after some vague comments from him about being internally scattered. Other than that, this is a really great issue with a lot of tension and compelling emotional responses.

B+