Uncanny X-Men #313

Uncanny X-Men #313
Writing: Scott Lobdell
Art: Joe Madureira

What Went Down: This comic actually skips ahead a couple of sequences after last issue, with Gambit in the water swimming for his life from a giant Phalanx hand. The editor makes a note acknowledging this, saying there was just too much action to fit into one comic. Anyways, Gambit gets dragged underwater by the monster, but escapes by throwing charged playing cards into its mouth. Yes, he throws playing cards accurately while UNDERWATER! On the swim up, Gambit spots Yukio’s unconscious body. He debates leaving her, but decides against it.

At the mansion, Iceman’s unconscious body is doing some weird things with his powers. Banshee “subtlely” notes that it is as if the boy is learning about his powers from scratch. Jubilee yells at Beast for an off color comment, then apologizes. Banshee notes that young mutants like Jubilee should have a place where someone can worry about them instead of the next crisis, continuing the foreshadowing for Generation X from Uncanny #304. With Creed in his cell, Xavier swears that he will help Sabretooth, or die trying. This lasts for a couple of issues, until Xavier decides to give up and hand him over to the government.

Back at the docks, Storm is busy fighting the female Phalanx. Gambit helps Storm out by hitting the Phalanx with his staff, which is apparently really effective. Elsewhere we find Stephen Lang, a former Sentinel programmer who is now a member of the Phalanx. Doug Ramsey, Cypher of the New Mutants, is also a part of the Phalanx, even though he died and is a mutant. He is able to resist Lang’s influence to some extent, and I think his story is continued in the Excalibur Phalanx crossover, because it is never mentioned here again. We also see Cameron Hodge and another member who fights the X-Men later.

At the docks, both Phalanx members have cornered Yukio. She offers to tell them anything, but really she is just stalling so Gambit can charge a giant anchor and drop it on the villains. Storm questions whether the Phalanx have a right to life, even if it costs humanity theirs. Then she summons a lightning bolt, disintegrates the remains of the bad guys, and blows them away. Yukio kicks Gambit in the face because, err, I guess he might’ve forgotten that she doesn’t like him.

At the mansion, Iceman is awake, but Charles reveals that it is really Emma Frost’s mind in Bobby’s body.

How It Was: Not quite as good as last issue, but still pretty darn good. I’ll start with the art first, since Joe Mad is still drawing up a storm. The best parts are at the Phalanx “base” because Joe Mad really pulls off a surreal, techno-organic type purgatory. Sure the upcoming crossover is an excuse to brush off some dead characters, but it still looks really nice. The underwater scenes are also well done, even if the physics of them look nothing like our Earth physics.

The real problem comes with the ways in which the X-Men fight the Phalanx this issue, none of which seem really creative or like they should be effective. Throwing playing cards underwater and hitting a bad guy with a stick should just plain not work, and how is dropping an exploding anchor on them to finish them any different than the exploding motorcycle from last issue? The Phalanx themselves aren’t really interesting, other than visually that is; they just continually talk about assimilation and conquering the planet. Then there’s Yukio, who doesn’t really belong in this story because she has no purpose other than to lead the bad guys to the good guys. She doesn’t do a lot this issue, other than act really mean to Gambit after he saved her life. To illicit such a response, either Gambit did something pretty awful, or Yukio is just a jerk. Unfortunately, as I said before, we never get to find out which one it is.

The stuff at the mansion is okay. Xavier’s ultimatum to Sabretooth is a bit of a mislead, in that it makes you think that something is actually going to come of Sabretooth’s storyline. The reveal at the end is well done, and leads into a pretty good story, but that’s a matter for next issue’s review. Overall, this story is really just a prelude to the huge Phalanx crossover coming up in a few issues. This story has some nice scenes for Storm and Gambit, but really isn’t anything to write home about.

C+